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The Joy of Growing

8/27/2016

Do you know why The Flash is one of my favorite superheroes? It’s because he’s a goofy, common person that was gifted with a great power. He’s incredibly intelligent, but isn’t the most popular or most charismatic person around. In fact, of all the people you’d imagine as a superhero, Barry Allen does not fit the bill – and yet, he grows into this power, and is able to incredible good through it.

To me, that’s not only inspiring, but a testament to how we should all be. Not all of us are born leaders – heck, some of us (like me) don’t need to be leaders at all! Some of us do better behind the scenes, or in smaller groups, or on our own, and that’s ok. The key is to be honest with ourselves in knowing what kind of person we are, and committing to do the best we can with it. I know that droves of people will never follow me – heck, most people don’t even listen to me – but if I can inspire them to think or act in ways that benefit themselves, then that’s a gift unto itself. Lots of people can start discussions, present arguments, or mediate things, but how many people do you know that can actually show or tell you something that makes you think? Not in a chastising way, but in a way that makes you truly consider things? That’s more rare.

Maybe you aren’t a leader, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t important. If you’re a believer then people are watching you, whether you realize it or not. Live a good example. They may not talk about it, but it’s likely inspiring them by planting seeds of thought that wouldn’t have existed if you hadn’t done or said something that made them see things differently.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

To Hell With Convention

8/18/2016

It’s funny how terms and titles change. Say that as a child, teen, or young adult, and you’re immature, a non-conformist, unrealistic, and you need to “get real.” Say it in middle age and you are real. You’re free, enlightened, and authentic. So why is it that saying “to hell with conformity” means something so different as you age?

I believe it’s the way we express it. My middle age, you’ve learned that being yourself doesn’t mean fighting the system – it simply means doing what works for you, and by the time you hit middle age, you’ve pretty well figured that out. Your eyes are open to other alternatives that don’t require you to launch a protest, get in arguments or, as one person I once worked with loved to say, “rock the boat.” By middle age, you learn to steer that ship instead of rocking it, and you have the confidence to do what’s right for you in ways that are honest and respectful of others.

Once your reach the realization that convention is what it is because it works for most people, you understand that the best thing to do is leave others to their business and mind your own. You realize that life isn’t a one size fits all endeavor, and that if you want others to grant you the grace to be you, then you need to grant them the grace to be them. Instead of changing the world, you change yourself to create a world around you that fits better, and in taking calm control, you gain enough confidence in yourself that you aren’t threatened or worried about what others think, say, or feel. In fact, you realize that’s a complete reflection on them, and it really has nothing to do with you (even if they claim it does). It’s a truth that sets you free, and in that freedom, you can do what you need to do without imposing your will or way on others. As you respect yourself, you respect others. What about others who don't respect you? They probably don't respect anybody else, either. Stand up for yourself, move on, and minimize contact. Believe me, you attract what you allow.

We all do plenty of things that fall under norms, but the difference is in the details. I’m a writer, but I said goodbye to knocking on the doors of brass in the traditional part of that industry five years ago, and I decided to go the same route with my short stories recently. I'm working on two ebook collections of stories right now that I plan to self publish, and I'm thrilled about these projects. Why should I query people and pay reading fees when they'll probably say "nah, not for us" anyway? I know I'm not highfalutant enough for the traditional publishing industry, and going my own way was one of my best decisions. In fact, I’d say that ebooks have opened a new world to readers and writers who need a wider range and variety than the traditional industry offers. It’s not so new as to be strange anymore (and there are more people on the path), but we’re all doing it our own way without any set “standards” or “norms.” It’s an exciting new adventure, and I believe it’s opened up a new world in art that’s been confined and controlled by convention for far too long.

That doesn’t mean that you never have use for convention. Life requires all of us to do plenty of things that are considered the “norm,” but that doesn’t mean that you have to do it in a cookie-cutter way that doesn’t fit. I’m a full time state employee, but I don’t think anybody would call me a “typical” worker in that domain. I do things right and to the best of my ability, but there’s still room for my personality and preferences in carrying it out that’s different from how others do things. I learned not to be scared of what makes me unique long ago. As I got more comfortable with myself, then others got more comfortable with me, which in turn made me more patient and understanding of what made them different. Authenticity really is a symbiotic circle that works in mysterious ways. It may not always be big or obvious, but there’s a level where it’s significant.

I’ve always said it’s important to know and be yourself, but I’ve only recently come to realize the huge impact it has on how you see the world and others. Changing the world really is an inside job. Do it your way, and you appreciate others who do likewise. You have to learn to accept and respect yourself to accept and respect others, and once you do that, then you’re open to the rest of what life has to offer.

That’s all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

It's That Time of Year Again

8/17/2016

This is the time of year when I don’t envy teachers, students, or anybody working in the educational field at all. Sorry folks, but I always hated back-to-school time as a kid, and as I see it from the other side on Rick’s perspective, it doesn’t look like it’s a good time of year for anybody in this field. It’s tough to get out of the scheme of the lazy days of summer, and back “into the grind.” Worse yet are those that are making bigger transitions to new schools, college, or the workplace. Ouch. It’s exciting for some, hectic for others, and stressful all around. It makes me appreciate the monotony humdrum of the workforce a whole lot more.

And yet, you can’t escape it. I’m amazed at the chaotic energy around these days. It permeates everything! Honestly, I don’t remember back-to-school time causing as much chaos and anxiety as it does now. When I was a kid, the parents calmly loaded you in the car, took you to school, and that was done. If shopping needed to be done, it was done. Open house? You go, and that’s it. We’ve definitely managed to complicate this time of year much more than necessary. I don’t know how the return to school because rocket science, but somehow, it is now. There are a million more details to it these days.

I think it’s the struggle with transitions that cause so much of the anxiety. They’re always tough. We create habits to make life easier, and when your schedule changes, then you have to break old habits and form new ones (or at least, settle back into different ones). I mentioned in my last entry that people are strongly resistant to changing their habits, and back to school time is when society as a whole is forced to do it. Even if you’re like me and aren’t in the education field at all, you have to adapt to changing traffic patterns, busses on the road, and colleagues needing accommodations to accommodate their own families. Nobody goes untouched during back to school time. It truly does affect us all.

I’ve faced plenty of change (and even multiple changes simultaneously), so I do have four pieces of advice for managing back to school time with as little pain and suffering as possible:

Be patient with yourself. It takes time to figure out where things are at, what’s happening, and what works best. Give yourself time to take stock of what is for 2016-17, and to figure out ways to help things flow the best. The choices may be overwhelming, so give yourself time to know what works for you.
Don’t be afraid to change. What worked last year may not work this year, so don’t hang on to old things or routines that don’t fit your current life. As people often say in the workforce: “because we’ve always done it this way” is no reason to keep doing it that way. Go for what’s effective. In time, it will become comfortable.
Plan ahead, and allow extra time in the mornings. If you get up at the last possible minute and rush around to get out of the door on time, then you’re framing your day in chaotic energy that will follow you around everywhere you go. Stop the madness by planning as much ahead as possible, and allowing plenty of time in the mornings to do things at a more relaxed pace. Plan your wardrobes, get lunches together, make sure you know where everything you need is, and set things up the night before. The next morning, get up 15-20 minutes early so you don’t have to rush to get ready and go. I know this may be a difficult change to make (even more so if you have others to get out of the door), but it’s worth it. I started doing this three years ago when I changed to a slightly later work schedule, and it’s made a tremendous difference in how my days go. Instead of being rushed and frustrated, I start my days with enough time to drink my coffee and come in relaxed and ready for the day, instead of running in harried and already frustrated.
It’s ok to keep some familiar things around to keep you “grounded.” Starting new things can be exciting, but after a week or two, you might find yourself frustrated because nothing is familiar. This is normal. Change it tough, and there’s going to be resistance even if the change is good. It’s ok to indulge in something old and familiar to give yourself comfort when the growing pains hit. Call or message an old friend, re-read a book or watch a movie you loved again, go have that vanilla latte that you loved so much during long study sessions last year, find a chain store that you love and go browsing to see what’s in right now. We all need comfort every now and then, and there’s no problem with indulging for a few hours to stay in touch with who you are, while you take the next steps on the journey to where you want to be.

I wish everybody the best of luck in starting the new school year, and hope this is an exciting and joy-filled journey for you. But no, I don’t envy you – not one bit.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

An Ultimate Truth

8/13/2016

There are few absolutes in this world, but as I ponder the development of Trigger, I'm forced to consider one of them, and how it's going to affect the story. It's one that has a tremendous impact, both in fiction and reality. In fact, it's a guiding principle that I use in creating and developing my characters. Maybe this is why reviewers often tell me that they like my characters and find them believable: because I stick to the one thing that never wavers in human nature. And what is this truth?

People won't change until their paradigm is shifted so significantly that it's impossible for them to remain the same.

What the hell does that mean?

Here it is in layman's terms: you've heard that you can't change people. We all know that. Heck, it's why I abandoned my career goals of being a therapist, skipped grad school, went into administrative work, and became an indie writer. A few short months of volunteer work in a mental health facility smashed my vision that there was actually meaningful work being done when I realized that the mental health field medicates the hell out of the worst ones, and the best ones only "stay on the wagon" for as long as it takes to get them out of therapy. It's gone a long way in research, but not as far as it should have by the twenty-first century in development. You can see what I mean if you watch Captain America: Civil War. Did anybody notice that, for all the impressive technology and abilities they had that nobody could figure out how to fix Bucky's brainwashing? He went back into stasis because they could make him super human, but they couldn't undo the programming in his head. That struck me as seriously messed up, but it's the truth, and it's a truth that seemed to escape everybody else.

And herein lies your problem. It's all an inside job and the truth is that the human mind usually has to be shocked into change. Our thinking and behavior are habits, and we're naturally resistant to it. The only thing that will instigate real and long-lasting change is a tremendous shock to our beliefs through the loss or potential loss of something we believe we can't live without. A death to somebody close to us, the loss of a job or career, estrangement from a close friend or family member. We've heard it said that we learn more from bad than good, because pain is a powerful motivator. We'll do anything to avoid it, or to prevent it if we can. So what does this mean?

In reality: sorry to say, but getting mad at somebody isn't going to change them. They may love you, but they love themselves better, and most people are pretty sure that they're swell people that don't need the likes of you passing judgement on them. I can't tell you how many times people ignored me getting mad at them, but they snapped into shape when they found that same behavior alienated them from somebody or something they liked better (important connections and money seem to be extremely powerful motivators). A better way to deal is to set boundaries of what you will and will not accept in your life, and enforce them. The adage that "what you will allow will continue" is absolutely true. Everybody needs boundaries to have a contented, balanced life. Decide what you'll put up with, and be prepared to enforce it. You'll find out when you walk away how much they really value the relationship. People who truly fear losing you will respect them. People who don't will find the door.

In fiction: you've heard about the importance of conflict, and this is why. Your job is to present your character/characters with something that challenges their beliefs and regular actions in such a way that they have to question why they're doing what they're doing, and if there's a better way. Push them so they fail, repeatedly if necessary, until their true values are exposed, questioned, and challenged in such a way that they simply can't be the person they were. If your major and even some of your secondary characters make it from the first to the last page without having their paradigm shifted in a way that it's made them into a new person, then you've failed and you need to push them harder. Readers want to see the characters grow and change, to make mistakes and rise above them, to learn and become better people, through what they face. They want to believe they can do it, too.

But only if they have to, of course.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the weekend.

Bye!

Pandora's Box

8/10/2016

It starts with a simple "what if" question, and before you know it, Pandora's Box has exploded open with ideas and inspirations that can only come together as one thing: your next book.

Yes folks, it's true. I have an idea for another book, and I hope you like The Earthside Trilogy, because the jump point for this new book comes directly from that universe. It really was a random thought that brought this idea to life - somebody asked me about Progenitor, and I thought about the "miracle healings" that happen in that book and wondered: What if all of those people actually got their wish for another chance at life.

And just like that, an idea was born. What if the dead got another chance at life? What if something happened that brought them back to another world, or another time, after they died on Earth? What happens when you go on living after you don't belong to the world anymore.

We're going to find out. This is the premise for my next book. I've tentatively titled it Trigger, and it's going to be a scifi book that explores what happens after the "miracle healings" in Progenitor. It's still coming together, but this will definitely be a full length book. And while it's in the same universe as Earthside, I would like for it to be a stand-alone book (but if it encourages readers to read Earthside, then that's ok too). I know, I usually shy away from series - but it looks like I'm heading in that direction. Maybe that's not all bad. Writers are encouraged to write series, so maybe keeping it in the same universe will help catch some readers to bring into this world.

I still have plenty of work to do in research and development, but it's possible that I'll be ready to write in a few months. Maybe I'll finally enter National Novel Writing Month again with this one? We'll see!

I read a devotional today that said the Lord gives you ideas to work with Him, and you have a choice to accept it or reject it - but if you reject it, then He'll give it to somebody else. Heck no. Two years ago, I said "yes" to The Earthside Trilogy, so yes, I want to keep on going. Trigger is mine, and I mean to enjoy it and every other book idea He brings me.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!

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The Joy of Growing

To Hell With Convention

It's That Time of Year Again

An Ultimate Truth

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