People tease me a lot about having strong preferences on things, and frankly I don’t understand where this comes from. It seems to me that everybody has some things that they have strong preferences for, but for some reason it’s fine for some things and not for others. It’s ok to get stuck on eating the same things all the time, or vacationing at the same places every year. But God help if you have a favorite color (I get ribbed endlessly about wearing pink so much) or prefer digital to paper (and why do you want all that paper cutting up your fingers and cluttering up your space anyway?). Where exactly do we draw the line between normal and weird on this?

But here’s the flip side: there are some things that I don’t have strong preferences on, and I get raised eyebrows for this too. For example, my preferences in the following things are subject to my needs and/or mood at the particular time:

Food. I don’t have a favorite restaurant or type of food. I just like a variety and to mix it up. One thing I can’t stand is eating the same thing all the time. That being said, I do get cravings like everybody else, and there are times when I do want certain things. But most of the time, I’m fine as long as it’s not fish (I’m not a fan of fish) or Chinese (which is only a step above what’s in my septic tank, in my humble opinion).

Radio Station. Again, it depends on my mood on the particular day. I listen to everything from instrumental and Christian to hard rock. It depends on whether I need to wake up or calm down. And most of the time, I find myself somewhere in the middle.

Apple or Droid. When it comes to computers, I definitely prefer PC’s to Mac’s. But when it comes to devices, it matters little to me. I have an iPhone and a Nexus 7 tablet, and I like one as much as the other. To me, both work great and serve my needs just fine.

PC or Tablet. Until tablets allow you to create, modify and store documents on them through Microsoft Word then I’ll have to have a PC. But I do like tablets for keeping up with online stuff, reading, notes, and games. Each has a function. I suspect that they will be one in the same device in time but until then, I’m managing fine.

Twitter or Facebook. Each has its merits – and its flaws. I like the brevity of Twitter, but sharing more complex musings is much easier on Facebook. And both share news tidbits and my Discovery articles on solar flares and interesting extra-terrestrial features just fine. Sorry, Google Plus, but you’re still behind these two.

NOAA or The Weather Channel. For everyday, local forecasts, I always go to my NOAA Weather Radio. But The Weather Channel is better if you have something big coming through, like the polar vortex last week, hurricanes, or large weather systems. NOAA gives you the “what” and “what’s coming up” great, but The Weather Channel gives you the “why” and “what it means” better.

CNN or FOXNews. I check both. Frankly, I find Discovery News more interesting than either of them, but I suppose I should keep up with what’s going on in this world (outside of science and tech news), so I go between the two. And frankly, I check my news online anyway.

Seasons. Once you’re out of school and don’t get 3 months off for summer break anymore, it really doesn’t matter what time of year it is, because you’re going to be at your desk Monday through Friday regardless. And although I don’t care for the cold, short days of winter, it does give me a good excuse to stay inside to write and read. Truth be told, every season has its merits and the Earth itself needs four seasons. You might as well find the joys of each season and embrace them. 

Truth be told, I bet we could all balance the scales between things we have preferences for and things we don’t. It’s another one of those things that make us unique. After all, what’s weird to you is perfectly normal to me. And that’s a secret that those of us who studied psychology know. It’s not what’s normal. We’re all weird, in one way or another (and most likely, in several ways). That’s part of being a unique individual.  It’s what’s appropriately functional. Not that’s an entirely question altogether!

That’s all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend.

Bye!

On this, my 38th birthday, I find my self pondering the progress of the past year. I suppose this is a natural thing to do on a birthday. On first glance it could seem disappointing, as there are no "major" changes to report, but that's actually deceptive. There have been changes in the past year, but they've been more in the way of "shifts" instead of what could be clearly defined as "changed." I suppose this sounds somewhat elusive, so of course I'm going to explain.

The progress of the past year has actually been more in the way of building on things that have already been in motion. While it doesn't seem that much has changed - after all, life is progressing along very much the same today as it was a year ago - I can't say that I think about or feel the way that I did about life as I did one, two, or five years ago. In fact, as I ponder it, I notice that my paradigm has shifted quite a bit in the last 4 years. I suppose this is natural. My job changed and I finally broke into publication with my writing in 2010 - 2011, and while these things are "the norm" in my life right now, I see how incorporating those changes into my life has changed my view of life and the world. My basic morals haven't changed. That's not something that's likely to change. But the way you see the world around you and apply those morals can change, and I'm starting to see the evidence that it's happened. When you walk in faith long enough, you delve deeper into things, and that's certainly what's happened to me.

So how have I changed? For one, I'm seeing a whole new application of the concept of "reaping and sowing," as described in Galatians 6:7. You all know that this is one thing that my grandfather was a big believer in, and I took it to heart. But this verse applies to more than just relationships with other people and how you treat them - it also applies to progress and purpose in life. In fact, if you shift two more verses you'll read that "in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9) After several years of hard work to re-establish myself professionally in my current workplace and to get my writing established, I see the value of patience in all that we do. If life really is a series of ups and downs, reaping and sowing, then that has big implications for all of life. If we choose to only allow ourselves to be happy on the mountaintop, when we're reaping the rewards of our labors, then we're guaranteed to be miserable (or at least, withholding our own happiness) at least 50% of our life. Folks, that just isn't acceptable to me. That's not going to do it. Sure, there are some people that enjoy being miserable and whining and complaining to get attention, but that's not the way I choose.

I know from experience that there are blessings in every day because I've been through the major life changes when I looked back and realized that there were little blessings that I took for granted, and I was sorry for it. An example: before my writing was published, I used to do counted cross stitching and wrote short stories. Much to my surprise, I find that I have very little time for that now, between promoting my published works and creating new ones. I love my writing and pray daily that it will continue to grow and reach more people - in fact, I'm prayerfully striving to make a break into science fiction with Splinter this fall - but there are some days when I miss having the time to cross stitch, or to goof off on Writing.com with short story contests. I didn't realize how much time these things filled in my life until my writing grew to the point where I had to make decisions about what stayed and what went. I still stitch occasionally, but large projects are out now. And as for short stories, they take me longer to write, prepare, and complete than they once did. And ditto for the work move. I was glad to make it and still believe it was the best, but I didn't realize the little things I took for granted, like talking to a couple of my friends when things got slow, the great walking paths on the State House grounds, a covered parking spot or those outstanding subs for a great price on Tuesdays and Fridays. Yes, I've gained a lot through both changes. I wouldn't undo either of them or the world because I gained a lot more than I lost. But I did learn to not despise the small things, and to appreciate the small blessings that go with each day as well as the big things we work so hard to cultivate and grow in our lives.

Some people say this means to "enjoy the journey on the way to where you go," but I think there's a deeper meaning than that. A devotion I read recently said, "God doesn't want you to be happy. He wants you to do what's right." That really hit me and helped me to get a grasp on my own paradigm shift. I used to think that the point was about being happy, and I actually worried for a little while, wondering if I'd ever be happy like I was before. I see now that I won't, because happy is a side effect. The purpose of life is not to serve our feelings, but to do what we're supposed to be doing and work hard to do what's right for our purpose in life. If you are faithful in well doing and obedient to the spirit, there's a contentment to your life that nothing - situations, circumstances, or other people and their attitudes (because that really reflects on them more than anything else, but that's a pondering for another entry) - can affect. You can rest in knowing that you're doing all you can, and that allows you to enjoy the blessings of every day, large or small. And contentment is better than happiness. It's more stable, because you can still see the blessing in what you have even if a thousand aggravations are bleeding out of them. It's built on a firmer foundation that gives you the patience to hold out for the "bigger picture" even if you don't understand what the point is (as is often the case). It's built on a trust between you and the Lord and nobody else can put their hands on it. And that can give you the courage to do what's right, even in the face of ridicule, opposition, or doubt. Happiness is transient and comes and goes with circumstances. Contentment is faith in action.

No, the earth hasn't moved in the last year. Things look much the same today as they do every other day. But I know they aren't. I see how the work at the everyday levels is building to something new and better. I might not know what yet, but when it is revealed then I'll reap a reward in due season, and be glad I didn't lose heart.

That's all today. I hope you have a great week.

Bye!

People often ask me why I decided to publish my writing through ebooks rather than in the more traditional format of paperback. The reason I give is that there’s no demand for my books in paperback, but the true reason is that a little thing called the printing press helped along The Protestant Revolution, and I believe the Internet is bringing about a similar revolution in our society. No, I don’t think you’ll see new religious practices rise out of the rise of the Internet, but it’s certainly impacting our entertainment options. More books are bought online than in bookstores and ebook sales are steadily rising. Frankly, I believe a new day is coming not only to the world of reading, but to the entire entertainment world, and I want to be on the front end of it. 

It’s an undeniable truth that the traditional publishing industry is floundering, even if they don’t realize it, and the reason is the power of e-publishing and self-publishing. Agents and traditional publishers have long been plagued by the problem of trying to guess what people want to read, and making their selection on what to accept based on that. They rely on their “tried and true” authors to keep cranking out work that will appeal to audiences and almost never take a chance on a new author, even if their work is interesting. It’s just too risky to take a chance on making an investment that might not pay off, even though they do it with their regular list all the time and still lose. At least epublishing and self publishing  allow new authors a chance to get their work in front of a niche audience and gauge their interest in the work so they can adapt, adjust, and improve their skills. You can’t do that if you’re being rejected by big or mid-list publishers every day. It leaves you in the same situation they’re in – guessing what a moving target wants. And yes, it’s a moving target because trends change all the time, and what’s popular today might be the thing they’re spoofing and making fun of tomorrow while they embrace “the next new thing”  which, unfortunately, we only see in retrospect. 

I read a blog article Thursday named 5 Reasons to Admire Self-Publishing, by Alison Baverstock, and it turns out that most of those things are what all authors should be doing anyway. The only difference is that self-published authors direct all of their hard work and effort into a productive effort of putting their work out there instead of constantly knocking on doors that may never open for them. They take a chance and put it in front of the readers instead of begging “the experts” for a chance. Because whether you’re self published or traditionally published, the burden of producing work, capturing the interest of readers, and promoting your published work falls on you, the author. Even big publishers will only do a limited amount of publicity around your release date. Keeping interest up in the responsibility of the author. 

I often hear people say that we still need the traditional publishing industry because self publishing allows anybody and everybody to publish a book, and there’s a lot of crap out there because there’s no quality control. I can’t deny that yes, you see a wide gamut of talent through self publishing, but I don’t think there’s a complete lack of quality control. The quality control is where it’s supposed to be – between the readers and the writers. Writers are tasked with putting their best work out there for the public to enjoy, and readers can help improve the quality by rating and reviewing the work they read. Believe it or not, writers rely heavily on good, constructive reviews so they know what the reader wants and how to adjust to deliver it, either through edits to their current work or to developing new work. Even if you don’t like it, you can help the author by articulating exactly what it was that kept you from entering the “suspension of belief” phase with their work so they know how to fix it. “I hated it” isn’t helpful, but a “the characters were good but I didn’t believe they would react to such and such situation the way they did given their personality quirks” is constructive advice that the writer can use to improve. And if the reader likes it, then such reviews are also helpful. We all like “I loved it!” but what’s helpful is “I liked it because I could relate to how the character reacted to such and such situation and appreciated how it affected his/her perspective on their life situation.”  Reviews help tremendously, and if readers will engage more by posting them, then I believe the quality of self-published work that you see on the market will improve drastically over time. 

That’s not to say that the traditional publishing industry is broken, or that it’s demise is imminent.  Certainly it isn’t, and I don’t forsee a day when it won’t exist, but a new day is upon us.  I believe that the Internet has opened up the world to allow people to enjoy entertainment by independent artists that would otherwise be denied by the traditional industry. Traditional publishers and institutions would be wise to keep an eye on trends in the indie world to see what people really want, and to adjust accordingly. After all, the niche markets shouldn’t be underestimated. That’s where the trends are born, and that’s where the “next big thing” is taking shape, perhaps this very minute. 

That’s all today. I hope you have a great weekend.


Bye!

There are some phrases in widespread, common use that seem to be universal hot buttons to piss people off. Really, I don’t understand how it became commonplace for people to say things that erode the very respect that relationships are built on, and yet I hear people say it – and complain about having these things said to them – frequently. 

Certainly, we should always be honest and authentic in our dealings with people, but discernment is an absolute necessity in our dealings with ALL people. Just because it flies through your brain doesn’t mean it needs to fly out of your mouth, and in fact there are many times when it’s best to keep that thought in your head and fake it till you make it with your words (or silence, depending on the situation). For example, here are some phrases you should eliminate (or at least, drastically reduce) in your vocabulary that will garner more respect, motivate people to cooperate and work well with you, and make you appear more intelligent and savvy:

1.   “Whatever.” Nothing coveys the ignorant-inconsiderate-jerk trifecta like this one word phrase. You have the entire English language at your disposal and that’s all you’ve got? If it is, then it’s time to recognize the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, the best course of action is to gracefully back away and let silence be golden. And if you refuse to exercise the right to remain silent, then a simple “I hope that works out for you and wish you luck” is much more dignified than throwing out something that makes you look like a cross between an immature tween and a person that’s learning English as a second language -  and isn’t quite getting it.

2.    “Do what you’ve got to do.” I don’t hear this one as much as I used to, but it’s still out there, and it’s a sin for the same reasons as “whatever.” More accurately, that’s redneck for “I don’t like what you’re doing and would move Heaven and Earth to stop you, but that would reveal me as a selfish jerk to the rest of the world and I don’t want to do that, so go on and get this over with so you can get back to doing things that make me happy.” It isn’t your job to like or even understand everything that other people do, so let go and accept that people have a right to lead their lives, do things, and make decisions that work best for them regardless of what you say, think, or need. Instead, say “I understand this is important to you.” Even if you don’t and you hope it blows up in their face, just fake it and at least acknowledge their right to live as they see fit.  Because I guarantee you’ve done things that made them go “Hmmm” in the past . Plus,  if you want people to stay interested in your life, then you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and their life, even if you don’t care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. 

3.   “That’s not my problem.” I stand back when people say this because it’s an open invitation for the universe to hit you with its best shot, and that’s a challenge it ALWAYS accepts. Sure, you aren’t responsible for every single thing that happens in the world, and there are some things that aren’t your business, but have some dignity in declining to accept responsibility that you feel isn’t yours. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that” is much more gracious and doesn’t invite fate, the universe, the world, or whatever you wish to call it to deliver an entirely new batch of problems into your life. Fake sympathy for the other persons’ plight even if you don’t really feel it because you WILL be at the receiving end of this one day, and the measure you get will be the measure you’ve given. It happens to us all.

4.  “You don’t really want that,” or “Stop wasting your time on that and do this instead.” Excuse me, when did God appoint you to His position, because that’s what it looks like you’re playing at with either variation of this. You have no way of knowing what’s in other peoples’ hearts or what plans are in store for them, and they aren’t required to get your approval for it, either. People have a right to make their own decisions. You never know what might happen and statements like this may very well make a fool of you one day. Don’t take a chance. 

5.  “I told you so.” Even if you preface it with the I-hate-to-say-it-but clause, it’s still ridiculous because they already know. Demonstrate some maturity and don’t gloat over somebody’s failings, even if they asked for it and everybody knew it was foolishness from the start. As I said in the last statement, people have a right to make their own decisions and that means having the grace to let them make their own mistakes. Pray they’ve learned from the experience, and don’t gloat lest you wander into folly someday. Because none of us are as smart as we think we are. 
 
6.    “ I did that too, and let me tell you how I did it better.” Nobody likes a know-it-all or a show off, and a constant need to one-up people blinks “I’m insecure!” brighter than a digital billboard. You don’t have to be in the spotlight every minute of every day. Back down and let others have their day in the sun every now and then. Because we all know that nobody’s done everything under the sun, and there will always be people out there that have done it bigger, better and more recently than you have. Let go of the competition to always be #1 and learn to be happy with the life the Lord gave you.

7.   “If I were you, I’d …” Turn off anybody that prefaces a statement with this immediately, because it’s a clear sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about. Wisdom gives options. Experience shares insight. Ignorance says that if they were you, they’d go out and kick the world in the you-know-where, and that’s most often foolishness that would make a bigger mess of things if anybody were dumb enough to take this advice. Plus, they wouldn’t have the guts to actually do it, because some people are good at telling people to do things they wouldn’t dare do themselves.

8.     “You should make them do it.” Guess what? Scientists have found the center of the universe and it’s not you. That’s the fastest way to run a person out of your life. You don’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do, and if you try to then trust me – you’re ego can’t handle what they really think about you. If you have to control someone every minute to “keep them in line,” then you’re trying to force them into a place or relationship where they don’t belong. Don’t beg people to be your friend or try to force them to your will. Pray for what Joyce Meyer refers to as “divine connections.” Those are friends and acquaintances that you get along with so well that you don’t want to change them because you appreciate how their uniqueness enriches your life. 

9.     “I would NEVER do that/accept that/put up with that.” Never say never or the Lord will make you do it to show you who the boss really is. One never in your life that’s absolute: you never know what life has in store for you. Someday you could well be dining on crow while dealing with something that you thought you were too smart/special/good for. Life has a way of humbling us, and the “I would never” statements are a GPS on how to get that done. 

10.   Anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you and your family” at a visitation or funeral. Anything else sounds stupid and believe me, there’s nothing clever or inspirational you can say that will get through people in the depths of grief. The dumbest things I’ve ever heard have all been said at visitations and/or funerals because people try to justify death and offer comfort in religious platitudes. Folks, I’m Christian too, but this isn’t seminary or time to play preacher. I remember what C.S. Lewis wrote about death not being natural because human beings weren’t created to die and it’s the most painful consequence that we pay for sin. He’s absolutely right. There’s nothing right about death and there’s no way to wrap it up in pretty phrases or platitudes that makes it suck less. So give it up. Don’t engage in conversations with the bereaved if they try to start one, either. This isn’t the time or place to engage in theological discussions, discuss anything beyond condolences for the loss (no gossip or “what’s up with me” statements), and it certainly isn’t appropriate to leverage your personality or make a big impression. It’s a subdued occasion so dial it down, make an appearance, and for goodness sake, shut up.

Maybe you relate to some of this and are nodding, saying thank you for revealing it! Or maybe you see it as a calling out. I certainly don’t mean it that way, and I admit that I’m guilty of uttering some of these phrases. In fact, I  had to work at cutting the “whatever” and “I told you so” out of my vocabulary, and I get along with people so much better now that it’s gone. My point is not to say “shame on you.” It’s  to shed light on small things that chip away at trust and give guidance that I’ve learned in building bridges to cooperative relationships that last. It takes time and effort, but if modifying my vocabulary slightly will help with that, then it’s an effort worth making. I believe if you’ve read this far then you believe it’s a worthy effort, too.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 
 
Bye!