Category: Different

Square Pegs

8/5/2014

You may recall my mention of being skeptical of “popular people” in Shatterpoint, Chapter 5. Obviously, I’m what some refer to as a “square peg,” and today I’d like to dispel some misconceptions about those of us that don’t quite fit in. People get some funny ideas when you swim against the current, such as:

We aren’t radical non-conformists. We are aware of how we’re unique and accept how our life is different from others. The truth is that everybody’s life is unique. We just don’t fear what makes us different and in many cases, embrace the very things that people usually fear in themselves.

It’s not that we don’t care about others. It’s that we do realize what is and isn’t our business. People are going to think what they want to, so why worry about putting on pretense, masks, and “following the crowd?” The truth is that people have an innate sense for b.s., so you may as well give them something real to live with. They will respect you for being real whether they like what they say or not.

It’s not that we don’t like people. It’s that we value relationships more than anything else and protect them. Don’t mistake “loner” for “lonely.” We appreciate that relationships are about understanding and appreciating others for the unique individuals they are and not for what they can do for you. People aren’t objects to us, and we don’t believe in using them as tools. Our foundation is firm enough that we don’t need props, so we can stand on our own while we nurture and protect our relationships privately, which is completely proper, respectful, and appropriate.

It’s not that we’re judging you. It is that we’re too busy living our own life to get entangled in the drama and scandals that aren’t our concern. Just because you don’t know what we’re doing doesn’t mean we aren’t doing anything. Loners usually have very full lives, and they work hard to keep them in appropriate balance. We do want to offer help and support where we can, but we simply don’t have time to be pulled into created drama, games, or useless fluff, especially when it’s not our business. We choose to focus on what matters most and leave the rest of it alone. We have fewer opinions than most people realize.

It’s not that we’re trying to stand out by being different. It’s that we value independence and freedom. Life is a journey and we want to have the panoramic view, not tunnel vision. Anxiety over “what others might think” is a waste of time and does nothing but suck your joy away – in the end, you limit yourself for nothing. Following the crowd isn’t our thing; following The Spirit is. Joy isn’t found in the noise of expectation but in the quiet stillness of standing alone.

It’s not that we’re idealists. It’s that we’re more in touch with reality than you realize. We know that calling an apple an orange doesn’t make it so no matter how much better it makes others feel. Loners don’t have time for deception or defense mechanisms. We accept the world as it is; not as we want it to be. Because of that, we face things head on and learn from them while others continue to fight and struggle against the inevitable. We don’t fear the darkness; we simply move through it. That’s probably why we seem so tough,less bothered by things, and to adapt easier – and why you usually don’t worry about us while you’re falling apart.

The truth is that “square pegs” aren’t interested in being pounded into holes. We don’t see the world as a “Perfection” game where everything must be in it’s preconceived place but rather as the blessed, jumbled mess that pops up and throws things into more interesting , unexpected places. Our views may be unique, but they’re no less valid. If we want to avoid the noise and take the road less traveled, well, be thankful we’re out of your way. We aren’t interested in turning over systems or rocking the boat. We simply want to row our own boat wherever we please. Give us grace to be ourselves, and we’ll give you grace to follow whatever crowd, trend, or frenzy you please. Who know? If it looks interesting, we may duck in for a while. But don’t worry. We don’t stay. Something more interesting always comes along from the fringes, and it’s usually stuff that most people don’t notice in the whirlwind of “the next big thing.”

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

The Shoe Blues

7/13/2014

Well, it's been 3 months, and I don't think there's any denying it anymore: my heel pain in my left foot isn't the result of my Vitamin D deficiency, like my doctor originally thought (hoped). I've been on the suppliments long enough that the truth is evident: I have plantar fasciitis. In plain English, that's inflammation of the tendon in my foot. I know how I got it too: it's a combination of having high arches and wearing shoes that are more awesome than practical.

The good news is that it heals, but I have to take care of the foot. That means no more strappy sandals or high heels this summer, at least. And there we have a problem. Not only am I limited to 2 pairs of Sketchers that I bought yesterday (and for the price I paid for them, those suckers should connect wirelessly to the Internet anywhere I go!), but they look like shoes that everybody else wears.

Therein lies the problem, because I'm probably the only person in the world that wants to avoid what everybody else is doing. Seriously. I refused to even consider a Toyota Camry in 2006 after the commercial with the store camera where they called for the person in the Camry to turn do something, and everybody left the store. They then proudly announced that they were the #1 selling and most common car in America. Nope, out. As I told Rick, I don't want my car to look like 15 others in the parking lot everywhere I go. And it certainly doesn't - now that Pontiac is dead, there aren't many Grand Prix's to confuse my car with these days.

I know that I really have no choice and will have to settle for "fitting in" with my footwear for a few months, no matter how it infringes on my authenticity and personality. But then again, I suppose there are many other ways for me to express that:clothes, jewelry, belts, purses, nail polish - hope still lives in many areas. It's really a small price to pay too, all things considered. This is about a 2-3 on my pain scale and a 1-2 on my inconvenience scale. The sprained ankle 5 years ago was a lot more painful, and the tendinitis in my right arm 4 years ago was terribly inconvenient. After seeing 3 people in arm splints at church today, I said ok, at least I can hobble along with this one, because if I can't type then I do have a problem, between my job and my writing. Foot and leg injuries hurt more, while hand and arm injuries are horribly inconvenient and problematic. They garner less pity, too, because people see wrist splints so often that they ignore them. If you're limping, people are more likely to scoot out of the way a little faster. With an arm injury, you just have to whack them with your splint.

I'm just kidding. Maybe.

Well, people that think I'm a little too weird should be happy with my shoes at least for the next few months. My feet will "fit in" nicely, although I don't make any promises of blending in any other ways. Oh yes, you'll see the purple nail polish yet, my friends.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

The Perils of Being "Normal"

8/9/2013

I got a copy of my performance evaluation this week and cringed at the opening paragraph. The evaluation was good, but it seems that every one I’ve had for the past 3 years opened with “Since Sherri transferred from her former department, she has …” I sighed as I filed it and said to Chloe (because she was on my shoulder and it would be crazy to talk to myself), “am I destined always be preceded by this note that I’m different from every other employee?” I shook my head at it. I’m always different. I always have been and always will be. 99.9% of the time, it doesn’t bother me because I’m proud of how I’m unique from the rest of the world. But every once in a while, it does get to me.

Then the next day somebody told me about a friend that was irritating them to death with frequent telephone calls. Her friend envied her hair and kept calling to ask how she got her hair to look that for an upcoming event. “It’s ridiculous and she’s driving me crazy!” my friend said, “and she’ll never get it to look like mine. Why can’t she accept it?” My friend is right. One of them has straight hair and one has curly hair. They’ll never have identical hairdos because it’s literally impossible. And then the light went off over my own head: it seems that the desire to be normal actually causes MORE problems than being different. As I ponder this further, it’s true. There’s a lot of strife in this world, and most of it goes back to 2 things:

1. People are jealous and envy what others have; or

2. People don’t understand what others are doing because it doesn’t seem “right” to them, so they object.

And in both situations, there’s no way to have a good, functioning relationship with people. So they argue. They fight. They try to force and coerce others to doing things the way they believe is “right” and refuse to accept people for who they are. What’s more, many of these people are in church every Sunday, and yet the concept of grace and having enough of it to respect the wants and needs of others goes right past them. It’s like it doesn’t even exist.

I might not be popular, but at least I have freedom. I don’t envy others because I’m too busy attending to the business of my own life. And as a result of that, I usually don’t spend too much mental energy forming opinions of how other people are leading their life unless they intrude on my time/space/territory (then it’s fair game, because I do have a right to determine what is and is not acceptable in my own life, and I can give you the name of a few witnesses that will attest to the fact that I will indeed do just that if you invade my life). I might not understand things, but one thing I’ve learned in adulthood is wisdom is gained from mistakes, and experience is, in many instances, a greater teacher than words. I remember what J.R.R. Tolkein wrote in The Lord of the Rings about the burned hand taking lessons of fire to heart. I also remember what C.S. Lewis wrote in The Screwtape Letters about the prayer the devil loves the most is “make me like everybody else.” That’s Satan’s playground, where every deadly sin has a place to take root. I see the point. If “everybody is doing it,” then that’s reason to stop right there and ask if it’s wisdom or just the next foolish net laid for this season’s catch.

I know I have too many rough edges for some people to deal with, but I’ve found that they deal with being real and honest a lot better than being fake. I’ve also learned that, as the saying goes about birthday’s, “it’s a matter of mind over matter – if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Being true to who the Lord made you to be not only guarantees that you will find and fulfill all of your purposes in life, but that the opinions of others really don’t matter to you. Things tend to turn out for the best if you stay true to yourself, anyway. Yes, people still shake their head at me occasionally. Yes, I get frustrated with the lack of understanding from time to time. No, I’ll never be popular. No, I’m not in any cliques. I go my own way and do my own thing. But people know my personal policy, and that they can trust me to always do my very best, no matter what. And a funny thing happens when you stand your ground – people are more comfortable being their real self when they see that you aren’t afraid. They open up more and worry less, and in turn you develop stronger relationships based on mutual trust and respect. That’s just not possible in cliques based on fake conformity, masks, and facades. They can have that, because I don’t have time for what’s fake. Give me something real or get outta here. That’s my stand.

Last week, I read an interesting line in my weekly devotional. It said “God doesn’t want you to be happy. He wants you to do what’s right.” That’s absolutely true. I’m reading through The Bible, and one thing that strikes me is God’s repeated statement to “obey my commands.” Not “do whatever and you’ll be okay,” but “obey my commands.” This is usually followed by a list of how people will prosper if they do and suffer if they don’t. Furthermore, Jesus went on to say that He wants us to have life in all its abundance – but you have to do what’s right to get it. Jesus didn’t say “have an okay life.” He said “life in abundance.” It seems to me that if you do what’s right, then happy is a side effect. Too many people are hung up on their feelings these days. They want happy, but don’t understand what it takes to get happy. It’s like they’re feasting on French fries and leaving the steak untouched. Doing right = happy. Do wrong = hurt. It’s the simplest equation and yet, through all of human history, we still don’t get it. I think it goes back to the Mark Twain quote that “opportunity is often missed because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work.” True enough.

I think this is why unique people are happier in the long run. They aren’t caught up in the trappings of “what everybody else is doing” and “what should be” like others are. They aren’t afraid of who they are or of the hard work it takes to accomplish their dreams. They’re playing the hand they have and making the best of it. And after a while, you learn to play it to win – even if it’s a hand full of jokers!

That’s all today. Happy Friday to you and have a great weekend.

Bye!

Let it Be (or Mind Your Own Business!)

1/4/2013

As we head into a new year, I ponder my resolution to have better balance in my life on a number of levels. One of those (very important) levels is in the area of stress reduction and reducing worry in my life. I think these are things we all struggle with, and recently I've come to realize there's a great deal that we impose on ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships.

This realization came after having several people tell me things that other people said and/or did over the past few weeks and asked what I thought of it. I remembered that when I was under a therapist while going through my life changes a few years ago, one of the things she told me was that the secret to finding balance was realizing what was and wasn't my business. "You concern yourself with your responsibilities and what you control and let go of the things in the hands of others," she said. That's certainly true, and in fact remembering this advice upon being asked my opinion on these various situations and issues made me realize that people, in general, bring on a lot of their own stress by worrying about or fretting over things that other people think, say or do - things they have absolutely no control over.

Why do we do this? My first reaction was that it's arrogance. Frankly, we all have a tendency to beleive that everything is all about us - and that's wrong. The truth is that everything people think, say and do is all about THEM. It's a reflection of how they see the world. Even if they say that "others made me do it," the truth is that they made the decision on how to perceive things and on how to proceed. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. Plus, by nature, people are going to do what's best for them and the ones closest to them. Why should they do something that benefits you 100% and them none at all when you aren't the center of THEIR world?

So there's one reason, but I don't think that's all of it, nor the major portion. In fact, I think if that were the whole reason, then it would mean that people in general are extremely selfish and short sighted, and I don't believe that such a narrow view applies to most people most of the time. Some maybe, but absolutely not all. Maybe not most. And remember, I said there's some truth to this. Maybe it's a small part, but I don't think that's a "once size fits all" explanation for it. Most people learn, grow, and gain a wider perspective on the world and as such, they aren't so shallow.

I believe another reason is that we want everybody to like us. The problem is, I recently read that there was actually some scientific study that at least 10% of people aren't going to like you. Frankly, I was surprised the percentage was that low. I thought it would be closer to 30%, but the latest study I read said 10% so we'll run with that. Why is this? Plain and simple, personality differences. Some types just don't play well together. If you don't believe it, ask any extremely emotional person I've come in contact with and they'll tell you I'm mean and don't give a crap about their feelings. I am, by nature, a person that leans more toward logic and reason in making decisions than emotion. I usually don't get along well with extremely emotional types that "just want peace" and "want everybody happy right now" because I beleive happiness comes from investing the time and hard work to do things right no matter how you feel about it "right now." If you do what's right, then it will work out in the end, and that's a happiness that last; not a vapor of high emotion that wears off when the party is over and the consequences have to be paid. In fact, since I've been working in professional licensing, I'd say my tendency to make decisions based on logic and reason have become a stronger because by nature of my profession, I'm obligated to do what's right no matter how people feel about it. I don't think that's a bad thing (of course), but I've caught some flack about it because I'm female, and by stereotype I'm supposed to be all about feelings. While I'm ok to say "alright, forget the 10% and thank God for and enjoy the other 90%, well, some people get awfully fixated on that 10% and believe that if they work harder then they can get a 100% approval rating. It seems their effort would be better spent nurturing relationships with the other 90% but in fact, sometimes they turn on the ones on their side to gain approval they'll never have, counting on forgiveness from that 90% that might come, but not realizing that it will have a higher price than they bargained for because broken trust is a very hard thing to rebuild. But it happens, all the time. I've experienced it; I've seen it; I've written about it. Hey, I'm a writer. The ugly underside of humanity is a playground of inspiration. Expose it to me at your own risk.

Just kidding - maybe. And a sidenote on the emotion thing: I'm interested to see if the stereotype of "hysterical emotion" in women downplays as more generations of women have careers.Working women don't have time to fret over every little wayward comment, rolled eye, questionable social media post, tear or tirade that comes their way. Or at least, me and my colleagues don't. But we'll see as time tells this particular tale.

So there's that. But not all people are emotional and out for approval ratings that would make politicians jealous, so reason #2 can't apply to everybody. But it does apply to enough that I believe it should be considered.

There is one more reason, and I think it applies to most of us. I believe the reason people get tied up in what others think, say and do is because they don't want to be alone in how they think or feel. They want to know that others agree with them. They want others to have an opinion with them, or to get mad with them, or to be sad with them, or to take up the cause with them because they don't want to be the only freak swimming against the tide. They want to know they're like everybody else and what the other person is doing is wild/selfish/stupid/crazy/nonsense/whatever. They don't want to be alone in their opinion or feelings because they don't want to look in the mirror and ask "is it them, or is it me?" We all want to be right. We all want the world to understand that our opinion is just as important as everybody elses'. We all want respect. Nobody wants to be a nobody. They want people to know that they're here, that they have value, and that they are just as important as the other 7+ billion people in the world.

Here's the thing, though: Going about it by getting tangled up in other peoples' business is a sign of insecurity. If you truly walk in faith and you're confident in yourself as the authentic human being you were created to be, then you don't need to beg or scream for attention. You humbly go about your own business, believing that the life God set before and the purposes you serve speak for themselves.

That's the cure. That's how you break free from this stress. You get busy living your own life and tending to your own businss and have the grace to accept others and the decisions they make without intruding into their lives with your opinions.

Does this mean you ignore others and don't care what they do? Of course not. You should always do your best to help people in need and if there's something you can do to help others on their life path, you certainly should. The key is to use common sense and discernment. Yes, we all have opinions on things, but we don't need to share them all the time. Everything that flies through your head doesn't need to fly out of your mouth. If you aren't asked for your opinion or advice, assume it's not wanted or needed and keep it to yourself. I'd even go so far as to say that you should still use caution in giving advice even if you ARE asked for it. As one of the elves said in The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, "elves don't give advice because all paths may run ill." Think before you speak. If in doubt, don't. And realize that advice is a take it or leave it thing - and in many cases, people leave it, so be prepared to have your advice or opinion rejected just in case and be prepared to not get offended. And please, for the love of God, if it won't make any difference and you have a thought - don't. Stop right there and go no further. If it's done and/or there's no way it's changing no matter what anybody says and you really need to get it out, set up a private blog or buy a journal to work it out, but don't go off on tirades and complain to everybody in the world about things you can't control involving people close to you. And don't ask or expect people to take sides with you unless you want to do the equivalent of renting a billboard that says I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. It makes you look bad and it makes other people run like hell from you when they see you coming. If it's something so big that you can't live with it, find a way to either deal with it or distance yourself from the situation. Just because a war's going on doesn't mean you have to be a soldier in it. Other people might want you to have their problems, but they can't draft you. You don't have to accept them and if you choose not to accept their problems, well then, it's over.

The point of this mile long blog is that I'm coming to understand that balance is something that we have to strive for in every area of life, and personal relationships are certainly a big element there. We do live in the world, with people, so having good, balanced relationships is an extremely important thing. And one way we can achieve balance in our relationships is by not being a busybody, minding our own business, and having the grace to let it be.

Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I hope you had a Happy Friday and that you have a great weekend.

Bye!

The "WOW!" Factor

6/4/2011

I am hoping that the "wow" factor is coming back into my life. After a year and a half of not finding it anywhere but in writing my own novels, it seems to be making a return. Bless it, and I hope it stays. It seems that the older I get, the harder it gets to, for lack of a better term, knock my socks off. I don't know if it's because I've been stressed out with so much change in my life lately, if life itself has jaded me into just not caring as much, or if the effort hasn't been put in by others to produce outstanding efforts.

I will admit that I have just started reading and watching new movies again, after quite a long hiatus. In fact, I've been to the movies three times in as many weeks, which must be a new record for me. "Thor" was the first movie that I saw since "The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian." The reason for this is simple: Going to the movies is kind of expensive, so if I'm going to spend that money to sit in the same place for 2-3 hours, then it better captivate me. And you know me - I'm a plot junkie that loves movies that spend a ridiculous amount of money on special effects. "Thor" certainly met that criteria, and today we saw "X-Men: First Class." All I can say is that between the 2 movies, my eyes nearly popped out from all the outstanding effects - and they had great story lines too. They definitely had the wow factor going, and it was great to see it again. I'm glad to see more will be coming in the way of "The Green Lantern" and "Transformers: Dark of the Moon." The summer of superheros is what I've heard it called, and it's right - but that's alright with me. I love this stuff.

I'll tell you what else is alright with me: I'm writing again! That's why I haven't blogged here in a while. I've been working on a short story, 2 flash fiction pieces, and yesterday I had an idea for another short story. One very common theme that seems to be running through them all is transitions - especially in the sense of endings and new beginnings. That's understandable, considering the events in my life over the past year. It concerned me a bit, but I decided to just roll with it and see if there are ways to package it differently in each piece. Why not? I've always written what was in me before, so why try to push myself to something I'm not feeling now? Reality inspires fiction, and frankly it's good to work on short stories after over 18 months of working on novels. Don't get me wrong; I love writing novels, but it's good to do something different every now and then. Novels are so intensive, and short stories are great because you can do a burst of work here and there and have something great.

So I have the "wow" factor going in entertainment and writing now, and I'm glad for it. Let's keep that train running for as long as we can! Now if only I could find more time to read. Well, as hot as it's getting outside already, I suspect I'll be doing more reading this summer since it's way to hot to be outside!

That's all for this time. I hope your summer is off to a great start. So far, I have to say I'm pretty happy with where this one is going. I pray it stays on this great track.

Bye!

Square Pegs

The Shoe Blues

The Perils of Being "Normal"

Let it Be (or Mind Your Own Business!)

The "WOW!" Factor

Escape Reality

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