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Hell, No! How Not To Quit

5/29/2017

 
I try not to let you see me like I was last night. In fact, last night definitely qualified as an "offline" night, because I had enough. Two days in the hot sun working on the framework for that deck had me beat and busted. A regular exercise routine and a desk job definitely didn't prepare me for that kind of manual labor. It was hard work, both because we were unaccustomed to it, and because in it's own way, it is hard. Building that frame isn't slapping boards together and calling it done. You have to level the boards and line them up - no easy task when you're spatially challenged (like me) and your lot is on a slope that gets more drastic the further you get from the house. By seven o'clock, we were sitting in Chili's over margaritas with me lamenting that this deck project was my worst idea ever. 

Rick's response: "we're so far in now that the only way out is through. Right now, it would be easier to finish it than to quit."

That's true. It also reminded me of all the times that Dad asked me "are you going to let this beat you?" when I talked to him about things getting hard. 

It happens to us all. Without fail, we will face resistance when we try to achieve goals. Anything worth doing is going to be work, and that work is always harder than we anticipate. Resistance always comes, and eventually, you come to a point where you really do have to break on through to the other side. And times like this are when the song "Take This Job and Shove It" seem to resonate with you on so many levels. 

So what do you do? I think there are three things you need to realize in times like this to keep pushing along when the going gets tough:

1. You've hit the limits of your knowledge/skills/abilities, and you need to rest so you can garner strength to move on to new levels. Life is a never ending learning experience, and getting stretched is tough. I think we need to realize that our desire to quit is probably more from frustration over our limits and fatigue over discovering that you have more to do, and doubting your ability to do it. My frustration yesterday was definitely the result of fatigue. After two days of having to do nearly everything twice because we kept making mistakes in 90 degree heat, I wasn't just frustrated, I was physically exhausted. I have no doubt that we kept making the mistakes because the heat was making us physically tired, which affected our ability to focus and remember how to do it right like we learned when we did Phase 1 of this a month and a half ago. So we called a halt, and decided we'd take today off the deck work to do other housework and to reset ourselves. 24 hours out of that blazing heat and humidity have done wonders for my physical and mental state. 

2. You have to strengthen yourself in the Lord. One good thing about daily Bible reading is that you remember things that pertain to your situation with little effort. When I was praying over this situation when I went to bed last night, I remembered the story of how David came back from a campaign to find his home had been raided and all the women and children were carried off. The men were so discouraged that they wanted to kill him, but the Bible says "he (David) strengthened himself in the Lord" and went after the raiders, which he and his men found, defeated, and retrieved all of their family and stuff from. The point? Don't count on others to encourage you. Most people are up to their eyeballs with their own problems, and can't see past that to give you an objective opinion anyway. Pray about things so you can see if this resistance is Holy Intervention to stop you from making a mistake, or routine life-crap that you need to work through (which is most often the case). 

3. Sometimes, you have to get rebellious. I'm a practical person, but I also have enough sense to know when to say to hell with, ignore the excuses, and go for it. That is, after all, how I wound out becoming an independent author and a book reviewer. Rick and I decided to build this deck because we've wanted one for years, but we came to the realization that at our salary level, we'd never be able to hire it out without taking out a loan, which we're adamantly opposed to. Our options were to dismiss it as a fine idea that would never happen, or do it ourselves, at cost, which was possible if we were willing to build on what we learned rebuilding the deck at our old house and investing the time to do it. Well, you know me - I'm not one that's willing to give up a fine idea! So there you have it. We're definitely in over our heads. But you know what? It's happening! I don't care about the funny looks people give me, or the "do you know what you're doing?" questions. No, we definitely do not know what we're doing! Building from scratch is radically different from repairing an existing structure, which we are learning. But we're in it now and, as Rick said, we've progressed so far now that we might as well finish it. Because at this point, quitting would be more stupid than all we've already done.

And really, all of this boils down to one question: am I going to let the devil win? Hell, no!

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week. 

Bye!  

Return of the Muse

5/26/2017

 
Do more cardio, the doctor said at my annual physical on May 1. So I did, and look at what I got: another novel idea! They say that exercise boosts your mental function and this has certainly been the case. But I think it might also be fair to say that perhaps the cardio just helped things to come together. The truth is that a vague idea for a new novel has been rattling around in my head since I published Metamorphosis back in late February.  I guess the increased activity just got the brain firing along with the metabolism, and got the muse working along with everything else.
 
Last Friday, I told you about the explosion of ideas that hit me. I’ve spent the past week doing more research, and am happy to say that it’s coming together, and I anticipate that I’ll start writing this project that’s tentatively titled The Tenth Dimension soon. Actually, it’s kind of started, because I’m using a journal story I wrote in early March as the prologue, and reading it helped me pull some things together. There are a few more details I’m working out now, but it won’t be long before I start writing. Keep an eye on social media – you know I’ll let you know.
 
So, back to writing. It’s both good and bad timing for this. I’m in my busiest time of year at work, and we’re resuming work on that back deck project this weekend after a three week hiatus to rest and take care of routine life business, which doesn’t stop just because you decided to do something new. It’s half done, and we really need to finish it before the summer really starts to cook. Hopefully, phase two of that project won’t take too long, now that we know what to do and shouldn’t run into some of the same trial-and-error stumbling blocks that we had in phase one. Finding time to write will certainly be a challenge. But then again, it seems I come up with a lot of ideas when I’m busy. I was up to my eyeballs when I wrote Trigger last fall but I got it done, so I know I can do this too. Plus, The Flash and Arrow have done their season finales; Better Call Saul only has three episodes left in the season, and Game of Thrones won’t start until July 16, so TV won’t be a distraction. Summer is a good time to work on writing for this reason alone! Of course, I’ll get it written. You know I will. I love my writing and you know I won’t hold back once this really gets going.
 
Sometimes, I wonder why this happens to me. Other people have simple lives where they simply go about their day to day business, unperturbed by characters and settings and stories unfolding in their head. But then I remember that I’ve tried that (even recently) and was bored. I’ve always had stories swirling in my mind. That’s just who I am, and I wouldn’t know what to do without it. It’s a blessing I love it, even if it aggravates me from time to time, as it was last Friday. But look at what’s happened in the week since I decided to embrace it – now, I’m excited and ready to get this deck project done so I can get back to world creating.
 
And so, this will be back to three novels in progress. Do more cardio, the doctor said, and I should have seen this coming. I’ve had multiple novels in progress since I started this diet and exercise program two years ago, and I should have known that a change in the routine would bring about the return of the muse. Maybe I should step on the scale to see if all of this is having the intended physical benefits. I do feel much better, but I suppose I’m too fixated on what I feel rather than measurable results. Then again, isn’t that what it’s really about?
 
That’s all today. Have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.
 
Bye!
 

What Depression Isn't

5/22/2017

 
Today, it’s time for some straight talk on depression over here at Dark Mirrors. The recent suicide of Chris Cornell fired up the ol’ grey matter, and some insights occurred to me that I haven’t seen in any of the other commentaries on his brilliance, talent, groundbreaking strides into grunge music, and the devastating effects of depression. So jump on the train, and let’s take a ride on what depression is – and isn’t. Departing station now. Choo choo.
 
First off: let’s launch this locomotive by saying that depression is no longer a taboo topic. Statistics currently show that 1 in 10 Americans are affected by it, and over 80% of the people with clinical symptoms aren’t receiving specific treatment. Why is this? I think the pendulum has swung the other way too fast.  Being a member of Generation X puts me in a unique position between the “we don’t talk about that” Greatest Generation and Baby Boomers and the “we talk about everything” Millennials. Depression has gone from unspoken to a cliché. My book Anywhere But Here was inspired by a dinner with an in-depth conversation about antidepressants. I was the only one of the four at the table that didn’t have depression!
 
My point: Before, people were embarrassed to talk about it. Now, everybody’s talking about it so much that we assume it’s normal and don’t worry about it. And if it isn’t the actual disease we talk about, then it’s the side effects of the medication because sadly, medications for emotional and mental issues aren’t as exact a science as antihistamines and antacids. What works for one doesn’t work for another, and it can take time and frequent adjustment of medications – enough that many people say “to hell with it.” They also say to hell with the cognitive therapy that they probably should be having, because medical doctors rarely recommend it. We want to think that a pill solves every ill, but the truth is that we need to do some work, and changing how you think is harder work that we want to do because it's convicting. It's admitting we're wrong (egads!). It's letting somebody who doesn't know us tell us things we don't know about ourself, which pisses us off because nobody wants anybody telling them what to do, and especially what to think. So most depression is only half treated at best, and not treated at all in most cases because we talk about it, but doing something is a whole other (hard) issue.
 
Second, let’s move to the boxcar that is social influence. I’ve read a quote attributed to Sigmund Freud: “before you diagnose yourself with depression make sure that you are not, in reality, surrounded by ***holes.” I went through a tough spell a few years ago, learned that peoples’ patience with struggle, pain and suffering outside of their “inner circle” has a short statute of limitations. Even in that circle, people wear out on pain other than their own fast. It wasn’t long before people were admonishing me to “get your crap together.” One person even told me I needed antidepressants, and quit speaking to me when I asked if that pill would improve their attitude, because they were part of the problem! At least they went away, which did help – no pill required. I have no evidence to back this up, but my 41 years of observation of human behavior have me guessing that Chris Cornell faced a lot of this attitude, because he was regarded as one of the most talented people in the grunge scene, and many of his interviews proved that he had a better grasp on life than many of his peers that didn’t last as long on planet Earth. He did, by all accounts, have his crap together, and was a highly regarded singer and artist, even outside of grunge – or so it seemed on the outside. Unfortunately, anxiety and depression prevent one from distinguishing reality from image, which takes me to:
 
Boxcar Two: reality is perception. We want to believe that what we see is real, but reality is perception, and everybody perceives differently. I saw one reaction to Cornell’s suicide where they said “I wish I had his problems!” That’s just it, though – we all have problems, and things affect everybody differently. I’ve seen people knocked out by things I barely batted an eye at, and I’ve had the rug jerked out from under me by things that other people said “oh, that’s all? Geeze! That’s nothing!” Unfortunately, we live in our own heads, there’s no way out of it, and our altruism is limited to our own thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. We want to believe that what we see is the truth, but that is almost never the case, and digging into that reality takes more time, patience, and mental energy than most of us have.  I have to admit that I did relate to the “I wish I had his problems” quote because I’ve never had depression, so it’s impossible for me to imagine a problem that’s “the end of all ends” to justify suicide in this fickle world where things are one way one minute, and something else the next. I’ve lived long enough to see that nothing last forever, and have seen enough waves of C.S. Lewis’ “Law of Undulation” to not take things too hard for too long. Sure, I can see how the changing nature of the world and it’s definitions of success could be stressful to an artist like Cornell, but I thought he adapted well and was shocked by his suicide. But then again, that’s my perception. Another person may be reading this right now and saying “Sherri, you’re a jerk.”
 
The Caboose: They’d be right. But you know what? We’re all jerks, in one way or another. None of us are all one way, and none of us are perfect. Just as we’re smart in some ways and stupid in others, we’re also good in some ways, and those mean ***holes that Freud talked about in others.  Sure, I’m a hard***, but it’s because I want people to do and be their best, and sometimes they need that extra push that others are too scared to give to drop the excuses and do what’s best or right. I don’t like to see people fail. If that pisses you off, well, I’m a jerk who doesn’t care if you get mad at me as long as you do what’s right. What do you expect? There have been plenty of adjectives to describe me, and “nice” has never been one of them. In fact, “interesting” has been the word of choice, and I’m ok with that because nobody likes boring or predictable. Choo choo. Coming in to our final destination --
 
And here, we disembark at “don’t blame it all on the brain” station. Depression is an awful thing that skews perception, but I think we’re too quick to blame everything on the disease when in fact, it’s one underlying factor. For all the statistics and suicide stories you hear, I personally know plenty of people who live with depression and have normal, healthy, successful lives because they want it bad enough to keep it from taking over. Sure, they have struggles, but they fight it and win every day, because they’re determined not to let a condition take over. Just like the rest of us, who manage conditions, trials, and struggles in our everyday life. But at least we know what depression isn't now - an excuse in and of itself, especially for the things we don't really want to face. The bottom line is that we all have problems. So what are you doing about it? Are you working to have your proverbial crap together? Are you supporting others on this journey with you? You don’t have to “get it;” you just have to acknowledge that the journey is hard for everybody in a unique way. And preferably, do it without being a jerk.
 
Yea, I guess I need to work on that.
 
That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.
 
Bye!

Big Bangs and BBQ

5/19/2017

 
Writing a novel is kind of like the Big Bang: you have an explosion of an idea, but it’s so huge that picking out the details to make a story is overwhelming. At least, that’s how it’s been for me with writing science fiction. I get this huge concept and a character, but whittling it down to a understandable plot is a process that requires a lot of planning and research before you even write the first word.
 
That’s where I am now. As I go through day to day life, these snippets of ideas keep hitting me, and I’m overworking my mind trying to figure out how they fit together. I was doing the final publication work on Metamorphosis when I got the idea for my lead character. I wrote a short journal story with the scene as it came to me, but that scene lead to more questions than answers: Why was she being launched to the outer reaches of the solar system for a criminal conviction? What did she do? Why was she being sent out there alone? Who are these “others” who gave her a crystal, and sent her back to Earth? What happened to the prison colony she was being sent to? Was she sane? Was she even a protagonist or antagonist?
 
I’m not sure if I love or hate this part of the process. Beginnings are exciting – and irritating. I tend to overthink things, trying to squeeze the story out of the explosion of idea that hit.
 
Ever since that day in late February, it’s been bits and pieces. Yes, there should have been a colony out there, but it’s gone. And I’m thinking she was convicted because she’s a hacker that got into a system that did widespread damage, perhaps hurting or killing a lot of people. But there are still more questions than answers. Where did the colony go? Why hasn’t anybody noticed it was gone? Why was she hacking into whatever she hacked into that did so much damage?  Who was talking to her at the outer reaches of the universe? Was it “other beings” or did something happen to the other prisoners, and they somehow evolved into something else? Was the Willow sent out to the Kupiter Belt the same Willow that was coming back? So now I’m researching string theory, multiverses, and mental illness. I’m leaning away from aliens and magic since I’ve already done that, and it’s time for something new. And I still don’t know what’s up with that crystal. They called it a key, whoever “they” are, and said that our universe had been locked, but the key, if used properly, would unlock it. Fabulous. Unlock it to what? And why are we locked in the first place?
 
This is why writers are crazy, and why we drink. You’re going about your day, driving to work,or processing an application, or setting up a meeting, or IN a meeting, or frustrated over something that didn’t go as you expected (or some other surprise), or happy because it did go right, or grocery shopping, or cleaning, or eating Bar-B-Que, and BAM! It’s aliens! It’s clones! It’s multiple universes colliding! It’s a mentally unstable hacker a thousand years in the future fixing to hack the universe into even more chaos than we already have, if that’s even possible. It's missing space stations! It’s that crystal – AGAIN! Then you’re back, wondering how you got mustard sauce on your shirt.. And you cuss because you just did laundry last night.
 
All I can do is research the elements and pray this story comes together soon, before my coworkers see these notes on string theory and forces of nature tacked to my cubicle wall, and put me in a mental institution. Or maybe I need to relax, and let it flow. Cutting back on TV may not hurt, either. Maybe it will help clear my mind when the DC shows run their finales next week, and I don’t have their fiction mixing with my own. Everything influences the muse, you know. But I’ve still got to wash this darn shirt. At least I didn’t get it on my pants, too.
 
That’s all today. Have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.
 
Bye! 
 

Dear Graduates: The Advice You Don't Get In Commencement Speeches

5/16/2017

 
Dear Graduates:
 
No doubt, your head is about to explode from all of the advice you’re getting upon your commencement. Whether it’s high school or college, you’re entering a new world. Today, I’d like to offer you advice that you won’t hear in those commencement speeches. It might not be popular or even what you want to hear, but these things are some of the best, most relevant things I’ve discovered about life in the “grown up” world, plus a few reminders from what I learned in school, but was lost in the chaos of worldly voices until I rediscovered it: 
  1. You aren’t ready for this. You have the foundation of your education, and now the construction of your life is in your hands. Unfortunately, there’s no manual to this because no two roads are alike. No matter how well prepared you are, there’s no way to prepare for every eventuality, because reality is unpredictable. There will always be surprises because the nature of the universe is chaos. A simple fact of existence is that the Lord doesn’t let us see what lies ahead, because most of us would say “no thank you” if we realized how much work and struggle were between us and our goals. But you know what? That’s life and it’s ok, because we learn from every experience. Gain wisdom from every experience, admit when you’re wrong and commit yourself to improving, and you’ll find those surprises easier to manage. And don’t be afraid, because none of us really know what we’re doing! Remember, the goal is to do your best and to keep learning. If you stay committed to that, you’ll be alright.
  2. Be careful who you befriend. My first boss out of college gave me the invaluable advice to keep my eyes and ears open and my mouth shut until I got the lay of the land. Boy, am I glad I did. If you think you’re leaving the popularity contests and cliques behind, you’re wrong. I’m sorry if I’m the first person to tell you this, but people don’t evolve much from the playground to the board room. Not only that, but it can get more complicated when you have to deal with bullies that have “connections” with powerful people, and aren’t afraid to let you know it. The good news is that school did teach you how to deal with this. Be mature and use your brain, because what you know eventually matters more than who you know. And that counts for who you ally yourself with as well. Be sure your friends truly are aligned with your interests and values. Or better yet, just be a decent human being who respects others. It’s weird, yes, but it’s also hard to find fault with.
  3. Most of life is boring. I know your life has been a whirlwind of celebration, and I encourage you enjoy your achievements. I also encourage you to enjoy the process of getting yourself established in the world (responsibly, of course), because it can be fun to have freedom and find yourself and where you fit into the world without people telling you how it has to be. Everything is new and a process of discovery, so enjoy it before it becomes the routine of daily life and you wonder where the magic went. Sure, there will be friends graduating, new jobs, weddings, and babies to celebrate, but eventually life settles into a rut where things move so slowly that they seem not to be moving at all. In fact, most of adult life is getting up, going to work, coming home, taking care of family/chores/errands, maybe watch a little TV, go to bed, and repeat the next day, with the occasional break of weekends and holidays. You no doubt saw some of this during your school days, but they were usually broken up in ways that don’t happen in adulthood. There are no summers off, Christmas or Spring breaks, proms, graduations, senior trips, or parties in day to day life, but that’s not bad, because you couldn’t keep up that pace anyway. It would exhaust you to be in the spotlight all the time, and you’d yearn for a rut. And then there’s the inevitable flip side of that with the tragedies of life: deaths, illness or injury, financial problems, job stress, home and car breakdowns, divorce, arguments and fights. Believe me, the ruts can be a blessing. Sure, there are days when it can be wearisome, but overall you should be mindful for the lessons of day to day life, and what you can learn and accomplish through it, even if it’s a simple appreciation for today.
 
But that’s not all! I’d like to close with four more reminders that will help you get along in your adult life and will make things easier. I’m sure you’ve heard this, but it’s worth repeating that:
 
  • Relationships are the most important thing in life. We were created to live in community with one another. Too often, this is forgotten and people are treated as tools to greater goals, but the truth is that good relationships are the greatest goals to attain. You never know who may come back into your life later, so don’t burn bridges on the way to the top. Remember that you can’t get there alone, and be willing to help and support others as they help and support you.
  • You reap what you sow. I’m not just talking about don’t be a jerk. What you get out of things depends on what you put into them, so if you do the bare minimum, then that’s what you’ll get back. If you want more, you have to learn more, do more, and work more. It takes time, but it’s a universal concept that make no exceptions. I’ve seen this one come around too many times in too many ways. Do yourself a favor and don’t test it, because those lessons hurt like hell. Just believe it and act it in the best way possible.
  • Changing the world is an inside job. (A positive attitude will create a better life.) No, life isn’t unicorns and rainbows, but we have a choice on how we think and act, and too often we’re creating self-fulfilling prophesies that we don’t mean to create with a wrong thought, attitude, or action. The world is addicted to fault finding, which is why it’s so miserable. You have the power to break that cycle by choosing to focus on the good and on what you want, instead of what you don’t want or what pisses you off. Act, don’t react, and do it with good intentions and purity of heart. That’s frequently the difference between success and failure.
  • Your actions prove your priorities, so be sure your life reflects what you say is important. The best advice I ever got was from a therapist who told me “people lie with their words, and live truth through their actions.” That’s advice a lot of people wish I’d never gotten for a good reason – too often, people say one thing and do another. Be sure your actions reflect what you say is important. And if in doubt, watch to see if others are living their words, too. This is a subtle thing that’s a huge character clue that will serve you well.
 
No, it’s not your average commencement speech, but this is real stuff for the real world. Now go forth, and conquer.
 
That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.
 
Bye!
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    Escape Reality

    By day, I'm an Administrative Coordinator. By night, I'm an independent author. My fiction rebuilds broken realities into something new. See how my experiences lead to creating new worlds! 

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