Today, I’d like to talk about the much acclaimed scene from the latest episode of Game of Throne, where Tyrion Lannister spoke in at his murder trial for King Joffrey. If you haven’t seen it, the video is below. I’m not here to discuss the excellent acting, through – I’m here to talk about the power of this scene, and how it applies to reality.

He saved the city from an attack at the end of Season 2. Not only did he never get credit for it, but now they want to execute him. How many of you  can relate to Tyrion? Not in the sense of being accused of murder (for the second time, and being set up, for the second time), but in the sense of you tried to help people, and they turned on you? You saved their skin, and all too soon the thanks was forgotten and  the minute it was convenient, they turned now you’re the bad guy. People don’t care where they lay blame, as long as it’s not on themselves. They’ll betray anybody. Here we see one of the most unflattering traits of humanity. Let them find someone that they believe serves their interests better, and they forget all you’ve done and cast you off. You can burn for all they care. They found something better.

It’s one thing human beings have in common with the devil. 

I know you don’t like that, but it’s absolutely true. People can be jackasses, plain and simple. Pride is the sin that led to the fall, and pride is the thing that keeps tripping us up, over and over. Memory is short for blessings and long on offenses. The Game of Thrones isn’t just fiction; it’s reality. People play the “world” game to win every day, and the players don’t care who they use, step on, or hurt in the process. “It’s not personal” is a favorite saying, but the truth is that it turns all too personal when somebody else turns the game on them. Whether it’s position, power, or money they play for, then you better know that you can count on no loyalty from them. Anything other than God’s will and purpose is the wrong answer. If they don’t abide by this, then people are nothing more than tools to them. Once they’re done with you, they’re done with you.

It’s no wonder so many people are walking around with two ton chips on their shoulder. Between playing the game and being played for the game, it can make you cynical. There are a lot of angry people in the world, and they tend to either build a wall to isolate themselves from being hurt, or they lash out and hurt you before you can hurt them.

Neither way is right. The right answer is the one Tyrion came up with: let God decide. Of course, in our case, the trial isn’t by physical combat. It’s spiritual combat. And in a way, that’s the harder route to take. Patience doesn’t come easy, especially when people are trying to make you a victim and break you with circumstances. But you have to remember one absolute truth that can never be denied, and it’s a truth that I’ve come to discover that most people either don’t know or don’t comprehend: when you curse others, you really curse yourself. Truth always makes itself known, and it’s usually at a time and place where it’s mighty inconvenient to those trying to hide it. The Bible calls it reaping and sowing in Galatians 6, but nobody had to tell me this. I opened my eyes, took a look around, and saw it for myself. Without fail, I see people that accuse others or put others in bad situations wind out accused and in bad situations themselves. It’s the only thing in life I’ve seen with a 100% hit rate. It’s enough to keep me straight, because life is hard enough without creating more drama or problems.

There are two points to this entry, and to what you can learn from this scene. First, people are fickle. Popularity doesn’t last, nor does praise or favor. It’s a poor foundation to lay yourself on, because it will fail you. Somebody else always comes along that people like better, so it’s best to roll with what is and not take it to heart (the good or the bad). The people in your inner circle aren’t perfect, but they have a way of proving themselves when it matters most, so look to that. True character shows when the crap hits the fan, not when you’re on top of the world. People that stand by you when everybody else turns are like diamonds – rare, precious, and worth holding on to because they stand and shine when everything else breaks under darkness. Second, anger isn’t the answer. Lashing out only makes you bitter, and people just call you a jerk and go on their merry way, and building walls only isolates you from things that could be great blessings that build you up to a greater purpose. Don’t let the devil win by giving in to his nature. Root yourself in what’s right and trust that truth will prevail, and the curses people are sowing on you will be brought under submission by an authority that can’t be bribed, cheated, or cajoled into wrong. No, it isn’t easy, but the right way rarely is. The ultimate authority is untouchable and can be trusted far more than any man on this earth, or the demons riding them around. You may or may not see your reward in this world, but it will come, and you have to be ok with taking things on credit sometimes.

The game of wordly success is never ultimately won. Somewhere, somehow, sometime, the price is always paid; and it’s usually catastrophic.

You may think I see too much into this, but remember: fiction does mirror reality, sometimes in uncomfortable ways. Think about it. Writer’s do this all the time. Where, exactly, do you think our stories come from?

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!

Hi all; I thought I'd give you a general update on what's happening in my corner of the world.

First, Splinter is coming out next week! I'm excited, of course, and will update you with buy links for the book as soon as they're available. It's only going to be available in ebook format. Lots of people ask me why, and the reason is that I have to pay to make it available in paperback, and frankly I never recup the costs of it. Almost all of my books sales are ebooks and the paperbacks just don't move, so I invest that money in promotion of the electronic version instead. If you'd like a sneak peek at Splinter, you can check out the short story I posted on ReadWave yesterday titled "Fractured". It's told from the point of view of Amelia Eaton, the doctor on Jovan I and Leigh Lybrand's best friend, and it gives a great setup to the novel because it hints at something important that happens about 18 months before Splinter opens. Go check it out - the story is only 800 words, and you can read it in less than 5 minutes.

If you were on social media Thursday, then you know my car broke down when I went out to lunch that day. What a story! I actually went out to pick up a Christmas gift I ordered for Rick. They tried to deliver it to the house, but unbeknownst to me, they sent it with a signature required, so when it arrived Wednesday and I wasn't there, they left a nice little card in the mailbox. So I already had to explain to Rick why the post office was trying to deliver a parcel to me, because he gets home before I do. I had to go to the post office Thursday to pick it up, or they were going to return it to the sender, which I didn't want, of course. I made it all the way to the post office (I didn't realize how far out in the boondocks the post office serving our zip code was!) and the car started smoking when I pulled back in the parking lot at work. I went in to tell my co-workers what was happening, and took it straight to a mechanic that set up shop about 2/10 of a mile from my house. The car started overheating on that ride, and I had to stop twice to rest the engine before it shut off. (Thank goodness my office is only about 3 miles from home). But thanks be to God, I made it. I walked home carrying my purse, work bag, and Rick's gift (which was bigger than I expected, but thank goodness not heavy). And also thankfully, nobody saw me walking  home, as it's a dirt road with little traffic from my house to that mechanic. It turns out that a valve in my radiator had a hole in it, and all of the antifreeze leaked out. They fixed it the same day, which was amazing, and I picked it up before work yesterday (they wanted it to sit overnight to make sure it didn't leak any more antifreeze). The car's doing fine now, but it relieved me of $281. To replace a $8 part, I might add.

Speaking of Rick, he did recover from the tissue infection in his cheek. It was a painful ordeal, and we're glad it's over. We still aren't sure how he got it. I surmise it has something to do with working in a middle school and handling all of those student and teacher iPads. People can be pretty nasty sometimes. We actually had a good weekend last weekend, because he felt better and we had a chance to have a "date day" for the first time in about a month. We went to the gun show, out to lunch, and to see Thor: The Dark World. We enjoyed it and it was great to have a chance to go out and do something fun together. But now he's down again, because he got a flu shot yesterday, and it has him feeling run down today. He hasn't had a flu shot in a few years, and it seems to have knocked him out this time. He can't seem to win. This should pass by tomorrow or Monday according to the paperwork they gave him.

Ollie is over his kidney infection, but it left him with nerve inflammation in his leg. Some days are better than others. I've bugged the vet about it several time and even took Ollie back because of it. The vet said it will get better in time, but inflammation takes a while to go down, and little Ollie seems to be a slow healer. Some days are better than others. I hate it because I can tell the leg is really bothering him sometimes. But he still sings, and plays, and he's eating very well. The vet said to try to get him to work that leg - a kind of "physical therapy" - and we're trying but again, some days are better than others. We all know that the changing weather isn't helping matters either, because I can tell it bugs him more when it's cold. Poor little fellow.

Christmas shopping is 80% done. I  know I won't finish before Thanksgiving, but that's okay because I think I can finish in early December with this rate of progress. I have to, because the workload at my job peaks in December. Along with a December 16th exam deadline, we also have everybody wanting to get licensed before the end of the year so they can start on projects at the beginning of the new year. It's insanity, and I've learned that I have to plan ahead to handle "the crush" if I want to keep from drowning. It can get overwhelming, between a heavy workload and your family and social life picking up for the holidays. Why every place I've worked seems to hit a "crunch time" between Thanksgiving and Christmas is beyond me - I guess it must be a trend no matter where you work. Things just get more active all around during the holidays. But thank God, I hope that planning ahead will keep me sane. I was so stressed and overwhelmed last holiday season that I was miserable and couldn't enjoy the holidays even when I was finally away from all the madness. I just couldn't seem to "wind down" from everything pounding on me, and I don't ever want to be in that place again. I'll err on the side of wisdom and take people snickering and calling me "anal" if it means I can keep an even keel once it all busts loose in a few weeks and actually be able to enjoy the season like we're supposed to.

And that reminds me to give you a follow up that I should have done a while ago. I know I said in July that I was having problems with being angry all the time and at so many people and situations because of the crazy amount of change since last  December. I wanted to let you know that I am feeling better and I think I'm making progress in this area. It's not easy to deal with anger. Of course, you have every right to be angry when people are making decisions that you have to pay the price for, but that doesn't give you justification to stay angry. That's putting yourself in a prison and, as I said in July, that's not the kind of person I want to be. I see now that sometimes people just make bad decisions, and whatever consequences you suffer for it, they suffer much more because they're in the middle of it. Periphery problems, as I was struggling with at the time, pass much faster than being in the dead center of the chaos. But another issue is that I also realize that I'm not the only one that was overwhelmed. Many people were, and some still are, but everybody is trying to get settled in a better place. I see intent to make progress and it's paid off in some ways already, so I'm content to hang in there and keep things moving in a right direction. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we're called to do, but it's possible through prayer. Moving on can be hard too, but again it's possible if you're willing to learn from the past and gain wisdom from all that you experience. I have heard that  more change may be on the way for me in the new year, and that's okay as well. I see some benefits to it and while I realize that a learning curve and adjustments might be on the horizon (again), I prayed over it and feel this is for ultimate good for me and many others. Nothing is definite, but I'll pass along more if and when it comes to pass.

I think the greatest thing I've come to learn over these past months as I worked through the anger issue is that I had an error in my own perception. I was in a rut for so many years at my old workplace, that I thought the "normal" state of being was just that - being in a groove. But that's not right. I've come to see that the constant change and state of flux I've seen over the past 3 years is actually the norm, and that 6 year rut was the exception. I've been working so long and hard to "get settled down," and now I realize that the proper state of life is actually change and constant motion. "Normal" is constant work and striving toward something better, to making the next steps and to moving ahead, not settling in a groove of the "same old same old" that slowly kills your soul. The happiness I thought I had in those days was nothing more than comfort of routine and fear of change, and I really had to be jolted to get out of that deceptive trap. Although I wouldn't relive that adjustment phase again for any amount of money or reward, I will say that I'm glad it happened, because my life is in a much better place, and the happiness I have now is based not on "comfort," but on faith and gratitude for a life that I finally realize is filled to overflowing with blessings. I had it backwards, and that's been part of my anger and adjustment problems to this big life change since 2010. That was a major revelation to me, and it helped me to start making steps in a positive direction in my own attitude and expectations of life.

So am I still going through with the big life evaluation and purge I planned for January 1? It doesn't look like I need to. I see where things fit now, and I also see the progress and change on the horizon that I was  hoping for.

Well, I think that's quite enough for one day. I hope you're all doing well. Take care, and have a great weekend.

Bye!

Or perhaps there's a better way to behead the serpent of anger in my situation, and it can be for once and for all. And perhaps this way doesn't require making quite the mess I anticipated. Rather, it's completely civilized, but people will still squawk. I'll tell you what it is, then I'll tell you why they'll squawk, then how it all ties together.

Exhaustion got the better of me today, so I took the day off to rest and frankly, to think over my life. In pondering why I'm so angry, the final answer came to me, and when it did it was so simple that I was surprised it took this long to hit me. I've spent the last 3+ years changing my life and proving myself to people: proving that I can rise to this new life, proving that I'm trustworthy, proving my worth. But in this "epidemic of quitting" that's been going on the past few months, a realization has slowly been creeping up on me, so slowly that the fundamental question at the core of my anger just hit me over the weekend today.

How many of them have proved themselves to me?

Cue crickets chirping *here*

That's right, very few. Far fewer than have set this sky-high bar they expect me to clear, each and every day. Far more than come in my life wanting things. Far fewer than actually take a second to say "thank you" for my efforts.

I think it's perfectly fair for me to be frustrated and to set my heels and say NO, I will not do any more until YOU demonstrate to ME why I should trust you. I know what you want out of me, but what are you willing to offer that will enrich my life? I see what you get out of me "rising to it," but what do I get out of it? Are you supporting me as I support you? What will I get out of giving you MY all? Do you care about me as a person and my physical, emotional and spiritual well being as much as you care about the feelings you're trying to hold me hostage to? You demand a place in my life - okay, my life is changed. Now what are YOU going to do to show me why you DESERVE this place?

I think makes sense. There are a lot of demands on me and there's no use for me to bust myself up meeting them if there's nothing in it for the greater good. If it's about nothing but serving one person's selfish needs, then it's a waste of time. And the truth is, there are people online that know me better than people that see me every day. There are people across the country - and even across the world! - that are reading and commenting on my writing, and the person slinking up to me whining or demanding my help has never taken 5 minutes to read one of my short stories.

Well, it's time to prioritize my life. Trust is something that has to be earned, and I'm giving people until the end of the year to demonstrate to me why I should maintain the status quo. Why should I keep doing what I'm doing? Give me a reason. Show me why I can trust you and how you're committed to helping me or working together toward a common goal. Remind me of why I agreed to all of these changes in the first place. My New Year's Resolution for 2014 is to clean up my life: to make changes that will prune out what's not producing fruit in my life, and to feed what is. I'm at the stage of my life where time is the most precious commodity that I have, and I simply can't waste it on fruitless endeavors, or things or people that don't give a crap about anybody but themselves. I'm flushing the demon of selfishness out of my life. Nobody's got time for that, and I won't tolerate it any more.

Of course, there are some people that have always been true and trustworthy, and they have nothing to worry about. Nobody online has anything to worry about. This isn't about you. This is about improving my day to day reality and taking stock of what really and truly matters. If my trust is confirmed, then you have nothing to worry about. I will commit to working with you to overcome the things that present potential stumbling blocks on my end. I'll work on my distaste for travel, for starters, and being a harda**, and I have great hopes that the process itself will take me a long way in working through anger issues. But I need a reason. I've proven myself. Now prove yourself. It's not rocket science. Asking for 5 months of observable, consistent behavior to substantiate my trust and your purpose in my life is perfectly fair.

Of course, people will squawk about this because people don't want to be treated fair - they wanted to be treated special. But that's exactly the point. Respect isn't a free gift; it's earned. Anybody that wants a "special" place in a persons' life has to demonstrate it by being there for them in the tough times. Well, this is a golden opportunity to get in my "inner circle." If you're there for me over the coming months while I strive to work through my anger and the confusion it's causing, then you will have earned my trust. And believe me, I'm fierce about defending my friends. My inner circle isn't big, but if you're in then you have an ally that prays for you every day and will stand by you and fight for you to the end. But you have to get there, first. Now's your chance. It's a golden opportunity. It will be interesting to see who takes advantage of it.
 
I would like to thank you online friends and social media followers for hanging in there with me. I know that posting angry blogs and social media updates isn't generally recommended and that you get sick of it, but this blog is also about to be how the reality of my life feeds my writing. I feel I owe it to you to be honest because nobody wants to read sterilized posts, nor do they believe them. Hey, it takes some fire to keep things cooking, right? So far, this whirlwind that's been my life has had a huge impact on my writing. I think anybody will agree that my writing took a darker turn after Anywhere But Here, because that's when all of these changes started happening. I started to see a whole other dimension of reality, and it wasn't always pretty. But Splinter got a contract and people are buying and reading Move, so I know I'm not alone in feelings of anger and confusion over life just being, well, life. There must be others out there struggling with anger and confusion issues - especially given the amount of messages and reviews that describe how they can relate to the struggles my characters face. We all go through seasons of anger and confusion. I hope that, by reflecting it through my writing and telling the "story behind the story" in this blog, it helps others to bridge the gap in their own lives; to find the resolution so they can work things out and get back to a balance of peace and joy in everyday living. But thanks, to all of you online, for being there and your help and encouragement through various stages of this. Rest assured that  this is about my day to day "reality" and in no way, shape or form is reflective of anything that's been said or posted on the Internet. I just hope that you find some help and encouragement for your own journey, or at least understand that my writing has rough edges because I have rough edges. I have flaws and right now, my big flaw is dealing with anger issues. I know it and thank you for being there while I work through it.

I will try. I will give working through this anger my very best shot and I won't quit because I'm sick of it and I don't want to be defeated. I want to be a whole person again, and I'm ready to start the process. But I need the people around me to do their part as well. This isn't a gauntlet being thrown down. It's a better way because I take responsibility for my part and give everybody else an opportunity to clarify their part, which I really do need right now. So bring me to life, folks, and in return you will get the best that I can offer. Because that's my policy: to do and give my best at all I lay my hand to. And now, since I announce this in a public, online forum, nobody has an excuse to say "I didn't know!" It's on the frigging World Wide Web. Anybody that really wants to know me doesn't have to look far to find me. Let's see who's seeking. Let's see who's listening. Let's see who's up to the challenge of demonstrating why rising to this higher ground benefits us all.

This isn't an easy journey, but I'm taking it. Now show me why it's worth it.

That's all today.

Bye!

It seems there was some misconception from my last entry. Apparently, there were some that read it and thought "oh good! She's on a religious journey so she won't fight things. Everything is okay with her so I'm going in and telling her how it is."

Well, I'm in the process of cutting the head off that snake right now. Step carefully, folks. As Bryce said in Move, I'm fixing to make a terrible mess here, and I  pity the ones that must clean it up. Because I won't be the one cleaning up this one. The people that built this house of cards in their heads will. Welcome to my world, folks. That's a bitter taste, isn't it?

Let me set one thing straight now: NOBODY has a right to come into my home or my life and tell me how it's going to be. I'm an educated adult that is responsible, works, pays my taxes, and supports myself. If you want something from me, you WILL be respectful or you will NEVER get it from me. If you're stubborn or demanding, I will break you.

Furthermore, I have no respect for quitters, whiners, or lazy people either. Jesus died to save the world, so I don't have to worry about that job. Get your eyes on Him and making yourself better and off others carrying you on their coattails. I'm not The Avengers and The Justice League rolled into one. The Lord is. Get that right. Stop depending on other people and rise, darn it. I'm not the only one He calls on that journey. If you're a human being, you're called to it too. So if you're around me then lace up the hiking boots and get moving. It's time to rise and I'm not carrying you on this journey; I'm giving you what you need to walk it yourself. I'm sick of other peoples' decisions changing my life. It's something that's become a pattern in my life, but I have a right to say what is and is not acceptable in my life, and this is 100% not acceptable.

And lastly, I will not buy the lie that I don't have a right to be angry. There are times and situations when it's acceptable and justified to be angry, and in fact that anger leads to positive momentum in a better direction. This is one of those times. Yes, I will have to work through it, and I will. But I won't be told that I can't be mad, or that I don't have a right to it. I do. And the people that really and truly care about me and what's best for me know this, understand this, and are willing to help me work through this. In fact, it's times like these that define who makes it into my inner circle. And prunes the outer ones as well.

For those of you that have been following me on social media, I do apologize for spilling this. I know I said a week ago that I was going to log off, and for a few days that worked and it seemed to be alright. But then I posted that last entry and it seems many people saw open season and the serpent came after me with a vengeance. I know what I must do: I must cut off the head and make it die. And when it's infected systems of how things run, I must take on the old Brainiac persona (oops, I wasn't supposed to know that's what my former colleagues called me) and set forth a corrective virus in the machine.

It's not pleasant, and I hate it's come to this. I really wish people weren't so stubborn and selfish that I had to go in and make a mess like this. I wasn't being a smart alec on Facebook earlier today when I said I envied the sweet people that were always so nice and nobody ever felt compelled to be mean, rude, or challenge them. I can't let my guard down for a minute or people try to walk all over me. I'm a bada** because I have to be if I want to be the person the Lord willed me to be. People keep trying to put me down and trap me in a box. So the dragon wakes - and then they aren't glad that they did that. 

Yes, these seasons where we're called to ascend to higher levels are hard. They're painful and it hurts to have to deal with so much. You question yourself a lot and other people see this and try to take advantage of it. They don't realize that attacking when someone is down can actually result in them getting more hurt than if they would have been patient and civilized. In fact, some stubbornness and sassy attitudes have me revoking some privileges, and that's going to be a very ugly and nasty surprise. I hate being like this, but correction is necessary and I'm more concerned with doing what's right and making sure the lesson sinks in nice and deep so it needn't be taught again than being held hostage to emotions.

So there you have it. Spiritual journey doesn't mean wimp that can be molded to selfish desires. And now you know.

That's all today. Have a good week.

Bye!

There are some phrases in widespread, common use that seem to be universal hot buttons to piss people off. Really, I don’t understand how it became commonplace for people to say things that erode the very respect that relationships are built on, and yet I hear people say it – and complain about having these things said to them – frequently. 

Certainly, we should always be honest and authentic in our dealings with people, but discernment is an absolute necessity in our dealings with ALL people. Just because it flies through your brain doesn’t mean it needs to fly out of your mouth, and in fact there are many times when it’s best to keep that thought in your head and fake it till you make it with your words (or silence, depending on the situation). For example, here are some phrases you should eliminate (or at least, drastically reduce) in your vocabulary that will garner more respect, motivate people to cooperate and work well with you, and make you appear more intelligent and savvy:

1.   “Whatever.” Nothing coveys the ignorant-inconsiderate-jerk trifecta like this one word phrase. You have the entire English language at your disposal and that’s all you’ve got? If it is, then it’s time to recognize the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, the best course of action is to gracefully back away and let silence be golden. And if you refuse to exercise the right to remain silent, then a simple “I hope that works out for you and wish you luck” is much more dignified than throwing out something that makes you look like a cross between an immature tween and a person that’s learning English as a second language -  and isn’t quite getting it.

2.    “Do what you’ve got to do.” I don’t hear this one as much as I used to, but it’s still out there, and it’s a sin for the same reasons as “whatever.” More accurately, that’s redneck for “I don’t like what you’re doing and would move Heaven and Earth to stop you, but that would reveal me as a selfish jerk to the rest of the world and I don’t want to do that, so go on and get this over with so you can get back to doing things that make me happy.” It isn’t your job to like or even understand everything that other people do, so let go and accept that people have a right to lead their lives, do things, and make decisions that work best for them regardless of what you say, think, or need. Instead, say “I understand this is important to you.” Even if you don’t and you hope it blows up in their face, just fake it and at least acknowledge their right to live as they see fit.  Because I guarantee you’ve done things that made them go “Hmmm” in the past . Plus,  if you want people to stay interested in your life, then you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and their life, even if you don’t care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. 

3.   “That’s not my problem.” I stand back when people say this because it’s an open invitation for the universe to hit you with its best shot, and that’s a challenge it ALWAYS accepts. Sure, you aren’t responsible for every single thing that happens in the world, and there are some things that aren’t your business, but have some dignity in declining to accept responsibility that you feel isn’t yours. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that” is much more gracious and doesn’t invite fate, the universe, the world, or whatever you wish to call it to deliver an entirely new batch of problems into your life. Fake sympathy for the other persons’ plight even if you don’t really feel it because you WILL be at the receiving end of this one day, and the measure you get will be the measure you’ve given. It happens to us all.

4.  “You don’t really want that,” or “Stop wasting your time on that and do this instead.” Excuse me, when did God appoint you to His position, because that’s what it looks like you’re playing at with either variation of this. You have no way of knowing what’s in other peoples’ hearts or what plans are in store for them, and they aren’t required to get your approval for it, either. People have a right to make their own decisions. You never know what might happen and statements like this may very well make a fool of you one day. Don’t take a chance. 

5.  “I told you so.” Even if you preface it with the I-hate-to-say-it-but clause, it’s still ridiculous because they already know. Demonstrate some maturity and don’t gloat over somebody’s failings, even if they asked for it and everybody knew it was foolishness from the start. As I said in the last statement, people have a right to make their own decisions and that means having the grace to let them make their own mistakes. Pray they’ve learned from the experience, and don’t gloat lest you wander into folly someday. Because none of us are as smart as we think we are. 
 
6.    “ I did that too, and let me tell you how I did it better.” Nobody likes a know-it-all or a show off, and a constant need to one-up people blinks “I’m insecure!” brighter than a digital billboard. You don’t have to be in the spotlight every minute of every day. Back down and let others have their day in the sun every now and then. Because we all know that nobody’s done everything under the sun, and there will always be people out there that have done it bigger, better and more recently than you have. Let go of the competition to always be #1 and learn to be happy with the life the Lord gave you.

7.   “If I were you, I’d …” Turn off anybody that prefaces a statement with this immediately, because it’s a clear sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about. Wisdom gives options. Experience shares insight. Ignorance says that if they were you, they’d go out and kick the world in the you-know-where, and that’s most often foolishness that would make a bigger mess of things if anybody were dumb enough to take this advice. Plus, they wouldn’t have the guts to actually do it, because some people are good at telling people to do things they wouldn’t dare do themselves.

8.     “You should make them do it.” Guess what? Scientists have found the center of the universe and it’s not you. That’s the fastest way to run a person out of your life. You don’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do, and if you try to then trust me – you’re ego can’t handle what they really think about you. If you have to control someone every minute to “keep them in line,” then you’re trying to force them into a place or relationship where they don’t belong. Don’t beg people to be your friend or try to force them to your will. Pray for what Joyce Meyer refers to as “divine connections.” Those are friends and acquaintances that you get along with so well that you don’t want to change them because you appreciate how their uniqueness enriches your life. 

9.     “I would NEVER do that/accept that/put up with that.” Never say never or the Lord will make you do it to show you who the boss really is. One never in your life that’s absolute: you never know what life has in store for you. Someday you could well be dining on crow while dealing with something that you thought you were too smart/special/good for. Life has a way of humbling us, and the “I would never” statements are a GPS on how to get that done. 

10.   Anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you and your family” at a visitation or funeral. Anything else sounds stupid and believe me, there’s nothing clever or inspirational you can say that will get through people in the depths of grief. The dumbest things I’ve ever heard have all been said at visitations and/or funerals because people try to justify death and offer comfort in religious platitudes. Folks, I’m Christian too, but this isn’t seminary or time to play preacher. I remember what C.S. Lewis wrote about death not being natural because human beings weren’t created to die and it’s the most painful consequence that we pay for sin. He’s absolutely right. There’s nothing right about death and there’s no way to wrap it up in pretty phrases or platitudes that makes it suck less. So give it up. Don’t engage in conversations with the bereaved if they try to start one, either. This isn’t the time or place to engage in theological discussions, discuss anything beyond condolences for the loss (no gossip or “what’s up with me” statements), and it certainly isn’t appropriate to leverage your personality or make a big impression. It’s a subdued occasion so dial it down, make an appearance, and for goodness sake, shut up.

Maybe you relate to some of this and are nodding, saying thank you for revealing it! Or maybe you see it as a calling out. I certainly don’t mean it that way, and I admit that I’m guilty of uttering some of these phrases. In fact, I  had to work at cutting the “whatever” and “I told you so” out of my vocabulary, and I get along with people so much better now that it’s gone. My point is not to say “shame on you.” It’s  to shed light on small things that chip away at trust and give guidance that I’ve learned in building bridges to cooperative relationships that last. It takes time and effort, but if modifying my vocabulary slightly will help with that, then it’s an effort worth making. I believe if you’ve read this far then you believe it’s a worthy effort, too.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 
 
Bye!