Blog Archives

Walking the Walk

1/25/2018

While we’re on the theme of overcoming the winter blahs, let’s continue by asking: how are your New Year’s Resolutions going? If you’re well on your way to progress, then that’s motivation and a light on your path. If you’ve slipped, the good news is that you can get back on. You talked the talk, and often the key to feeling better and finding hope is to walk the walk.

I think we’ve all been in situations where we let life take over, and lead us on paths or priorities that aren’t our own. We have thing we’d like to focus more on and do, but we can’t seem to find the time. Sometimes circumstances are to blame, and we have to live in a way that contradicts what we’d rather do. A deadline at work might cut into family time, being a caregiver or having an ill relative may interfere with time to nurture other interpersonal relationships. Unexpected financial downturns can force lifestyle changes that you’d rather not make, but must for the sake of necessity. A personal illness or injury of your own can interfere with everything from chores and errands, to work productivity, to taking you off a diet and exercise routine that you’ve worked hard to establish. As some people I used to work with said, ‘life happens.’ The key is to control what you can, and realizing that these should be temporary circumstances. If that ship has sailed and you still haven’t returned to your priorities, then it’s time to pry yourself out of the rut and change course.

Yes, we get knocked down, but we don’t have to stay down. Rebound is always possible and you might even find that you can carve out time to live your priorities even in the midst of challenges. In fact, the Cognitive-Behavioral course I’m taking through The Great Courses encourages taking time out to do just this daily. As I’ve mentioned in previous entries, it’s about finding times and places where we can utilize our time and direct our energy better. And it starts with a single step in the right direction that you can build on in the future.

For example, are you unfulfilled in your job and want a new one, but don’t know where to start? Then do this. Schedule 30 minutes at some point during the day for the following activities. Get up early, stay up a little later, use your lunch hour (but be sure to use your own personal equipment and Wi-Fi!), or turn off the social media or online game. With that 30 minutes:

Today, update your resume, references, and cover letter.
Tomorrow, make a list of positions you’re interested in and places you’d like to work. Bookmark them.
The next day, visit those bookmarks from yesterday and set up an online application to search for jobs. Find out what they require above and beyond the resume, references, and cover letters and get that information together.
Tomorrow, check the job listings and apply for what looks interesting. Fill out a “job interest” card if they make it available to email you when positions come open (now you don’t have to check back, because they’ll contact you!)

Now two hours of effort over four days have you ready to go when you find a job you’d like to apply for. The preliminary work will be done, and all you have to do is click “apply,” fill out the specific information regarding the position you want, download your updated documents, and you’re done, in probably less than 5-10 minutes! If any of these things take more than the 30 minutes, that’s fine. Just continue the effort during your 30 minute “me” time the next day, if you can’t extend it today.

It’s about steady, directed, engaged efforts to pursue what means the most to you. And this, folks, is how I became an independent author. Of course writing takes a bit more than 30 minutes a day, but even two days of writing a few chapters on my lunch hour or 30 minutes of online time to do book promotion after my workout are fantastic progress that doesn’t interfere with the rest of my day. And automating what I can (like social media posts through Hootsuite, where I can schedule up to 30 messages at a time, or Google keyword notifications on when me or my books are mentioned) make it even easier!

I’ve seen people go from hopeless, depressed ruts to the joy of achieving their dreams in a short amount of time when they made an active decision to stop talking and start doing, and it always starts with the small first steps. So if you’ve fallen off track with resolutions or some other dream, take heart. You can always get back on, and those first steps can be amazing enough to motivate you through the rest of the journey. Talking the talk is one thing, and only temporary encouragement. Walking the walk is another, and it’s powerful motivation to lead to progress, happiness, and joy. Talk can’t do that, but action can.

That’s all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Or Is It Something Else?

1/22/2018

I saw an interesting post on Twitter after my last blog post. It said "often we're disappointed because our expectations are unrealistic." This is so true. Sometimes, what we expect is completely outside of the realm of reality, and our ability to rebound depends on our ability to adjust to failure, change, disappointment, or shifting circumstances.

"But Sherri, aren't we supposed to aim high and hope for the best? You always say don't settle for mediocrity." This is true, but you have to temper yourself with discernment and wisdom to know if your actions are leading to the results you want. Sometimes, they aren't, and we aren't willing to change what we think or do in order to make the needed adjustments. And if you keep doing the same thing, you're going to keep getting the same results. We all have a tendency to take a whirl on this merry-go-round, but some are more prone to it than others.

My writing is a great example of this. My goals and expectations when I embarked on this journey nearly 18 years ago was to be a best selling author, represented by a publisher and perhaps an agent. That was how things were done in the book industry. But I think we all know (and I most of all) that this goal is unrealistic. It was a long shot even then, and now the entire industry has changed with ebooks. In addition to improving my skill as a writer by keeping up with grammer, style, character and plot development, revising, proofreading, and marketing, now I have to add things that didn't exist or weren't as big then as they are now, like Search Engine Optimization, optimal keywords, blogging, personal websites, formatting, establishing online "presence," and the world changer that is Amazon. My goals have changed from being a famous best seller to reaching readers. It's a good thing, too, or I wouldn't still be here. I'd have given up on writing a long time ago. Instead, I'm branching out into scifi.

This is true for all of us. We should certainly have goals, but we also need to have the wisdom to adjust when things change or aren't working. And we definitely shouldn't drag into our world against their will. If your plans depend on somebody else doing something, that's a recipe for disappointment and disaster. Remember when I mentioned in a post a few months ago that I advised a new writer on Goodreads to brace themselves for family and friends to lose their enthusiasm over their writing? Everybody's your biggest fan when you publish your first and second book. After that, they're busy keeping up with their own lives. If I got mad at everybody who quit keeping up with my writing, I'd be mad at everybody right now. But let's turn that mirror around: am I keeping up with what fires them up? The hard truth is no, I'm not. I ask occasionally, just like they ask me periodically about my writing. Here again, I had to temper my expectation. It wasn't fair for me to hold them to a higher standard than I hold myself, so I had to let it go. If you want to receive the grace to be yourself, then you have to grant it to others first. Reaping and sowing, folks. You have to give before you can get.

It's good to have goals and dreams, and you should certainly live your life with enthusiasm. But you also have to face reality and check your course every now and then. If you feel you're in a rut, depressed, or discouraged, the first good step might be a step back to determine if you're thoughts and actions are truly taking you in the direction you mean to go, and if those desires are realistically possible. Changing things based on new information isn't failure or dumb, it's intelligent and adaptive - and the only true path to happiness. Life changes, and sometimes we're wrong. Adjustments are necessary from time to time, and that's ok, because we're human. It doesn't hurt to take stock, pray, meditate, and check your map every now and then to make sure you're motives are pure and your path is correct and best for all.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

Are You Depressed?

1/21/2018

It's not just you. "Blue Monday," the most depressing day of the year, typically falls on one of the first few Mondays in January. The Internet claims it was January 15, but let's be honest: the whole month of January is depressing. The holidays are over, everybody has gone back to their daily routine, the days are short, the bills are coming in from Christmas, and the flu is running rampant (and, as usual, the shots they gave us in October don't work on this strain).

It's no wonder we're depressed. All of the excitement and activity of the holiday season are gone and it's just winter. Maybe you're still on the New Year's Resolutions, or maybe you've already fallen off of them. Whatever the case, January isn't an exciting time of year, after the new year has come and gone. It is kind of hard to stay motivated when you came into the new year with so many hopes and expectations, and it's already worn down to dull routine.

The advice for getting over this funk is the same as the advice for stress, anxiety, and grief: eat right, exercise, and get enough rest. We all know that. The problem is that it can be a struggle if you don't do it, and it's more of the same old, same old if you do it. What you really need is something new to shake up your routine. I think the solution to this comes from a cognitive behavioral therapy course I'm taking through The Great Courses: you need to take time out to do things you enjoy each day. We tend to get away from that when we're busy during the holidays, and then we get overwhelmed catching up when we go back to work in January and tend to fall back into our habitual ruts.

I've tried this, and it does help. The best news is that it doesn't take a lot of time or effort. All I really did was mine the creativity I usually use to find writing time, but I did other things instead since I'm waiting on my proofreads of Emergence to come back. I read on my lunch hour, cross stitched for an hour or two on weekends. or watched an episode of Breaking Bad after my workouts last week. I got some courses through The Great Courses, and I listen to a lecture on weekday mornings while I get ready for work. I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday and hit the jackpot - you can read more about finally finding what I needed to make a cameo necklace that I've been wanting for years at SherritheStitcher. We've visited family, and gone out to eat at places we haven't been in a while. It doesn't take much to throw a wrench in the machine, and to refresh yourself. Even taking a different route to work or listening to a different radio station can give you a new perspective.

It's worth trying. No, it hasn't changed my world or made the days any warmer or longer, but at least I know that spring will come again. For now, I can find gratitude in the simple things during this season of rest. And when spring does come - as it always does - I'll be grateful, like everybody else. The point is to keep your perspective right, and to hold on to hope for good days, now and to come.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

The Pros and Cons of Social Media

1/17/2018

There's aA friend recently quit social media. She said she didn’t want to live her life through a screen, and that she wanted something more “real” than online interactions. The same day, another friend expressed frustration over “lousy, judgmental attitudes” and hasn’t posted much since.

Both of these friends were on Facebook, and I feel their pain. I actually quit Facebook in 2014. I got away with it for six weeks, before one of my publishers sent me an email saying to go back to fulfill my contractual obligations to them. What obligations, I asked. The ones they added. Turns out the publisher merged with another company, and our contracts had been quietly modified to require presence on certain social media outlets. So I went back to Fartbook (or Faceplant; whichever Twitterism you choose to apply to them). But I’ve also self published ever since then, because I resent the intrusion in my online activity. I can see where a website is necessary. A blog is also beneficial to writers, but when it comes to social media, I think we should be free to utilize the outlets that work best for us. Not all people are the same, and not all social media sites work for all of us the same way. We can taylor websites and blogs to our personality. Social media; not so much. You can filter through groups and “likes” but that only does so much. In the end, you get what they’re all about, and each of them are about different things. Social media is a tricky thing. There are so many sites out there, and it can be hard to figure out which (if any) you connect with. But once you find one, I say stick with that, and don’t waste your time and energy on the rest.

Twitter has been my outlet of choice, because people actually interact with me over there. You’d be amazed at the conversations you can have in a limited amount of characters, and the depth of conversation that’s possible. In fact, it seems to me that Twitter is better because it’s easier to specify groups with like interest that make it easier to bond. I like Twitter so much, in fact, that I have two accounts: @sherrithewriter is my main account focused on day to day life observations and writing, and @CaptainBubbs is focused on birds. Many people follow me through both accounts. Heck, I even got on as a contributing writer on BirbObserver through friends on Twitter. That community bonds over common interest in a way more like “real life” than anything I’ve seen online. We talk and interact, online and offline. Heck, several of us even send one another Christmas cards. Who does that anymore? There's a lot of love on Twitter, at least in my experience. Sure, there are some bad apples (as there are everywhere), but overall it's a much more supportive community. They absolutely overwhelmed me when Chloe died. I still have people calling, emailing, and messaging me to see how things are going. That's impressive!

Not so on Facebook. It's a void. Honestly, people only react to my posts if I put a picture of the birds in it. Most of my posts are ignored, except for a handful of loyal people (mostly people I know in day to day life) who react, but the conversations don’t happen. And the only person who reacts to posts about my writing is a fellow author across the country. To date, I’ve only confirmed one book sale through Facebook, and that person eventually dropped me and passed away (the random friend drops are so common on Facebook that I hardly notice them – probably those random fits of judgement that my friend mentioned a few days ago). And don’t even get me started on the “lurkers” who never post anything themselves, but monitor your posts closely (the 21st century version of eavesdropping and gossip). They don’t seem to understand the basic concept that social media is about being social, and if you aren’t interacting, then you’re defeating the whole purpose of being there. There are some good folks there that I like being in contact with - the problem is that they don't post a lot, so they aren't the majority. Too bad, really. It would be a better place if they did. Unfortunately, the judgement and opinionism seem to be taking over.

The other site I’m on is Goodreads. I used to be more interactive on there than I am. Honestly, it’s a time thing. I log my reading activity there and check in on group conversations, but I don’t interact as I should. I think the reason is that it isn’t easy to do on the mobile app, and it isn’t “real time” like it is on Twitter. All of the conversations on Goodreads are through threads, so replies may come hours or even days after you post. No instant interaction or gratification there. As an author it would probably behoove me to be more active there. Maybe I need to zero in on one or two groups to regularly interact with to stay alive over there.

As for the other social media sites, I just don’t have time to deal with them, or even know about them. But then again, that’s probably why there are so many: to suit your tastes. I’ve heard that Instagram is good if you take a lot of pictures, but I don’t. I am on Flickr for pictures, but that’s more for storage and backup than for interaction (plus, it’s linked to Yahoo where I have an account, so in essence, I was already there even before I was posting pictures). I’ve never sold an article on EzineArticles, and in fact so rarely write them now that I perhaps get one or two hits a month on very old things from back in the days of my inspirational writing. I duck into Pinterest every now and then, but I’m falling away from that because I really don’t need any more bad ideas and again, the interaction isn’t really there. And the others – what are they? Off my radar. But if you're on one of them and it's knocked your socks off, let me know to check it out.

Social media really is a mixed bag, but one thing is for certain: what you see may or may not be what you get. In the end, I think it’s a good enhancement to human interaction, but not a substitute. You still need to get out there and talk to people, face to face. But being online isn’t bad. You just have to know where to be, and what works for you. If you find yourself in a place you don’t like, be bold like my friends have been and just leave. That’s the advantage of social media. You can log out.

That’s the easiest way of walking away ever.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!

How Hollywood's Protest Fails

1/11/2018

Alright folks, I usually don’t comment on politics or Hollywood unless something really gets me, and it happened with the Golden Globes this week. Regarding these repeated allegations of sexual misconduct in Hollywood, I have an observation that’s going to explode out of me right now:

You’re protesting by conforming and in doing so, you’re promoting an underlying theme of remaining a victim. This isn’t a good message to send to the public!

I’m not saying that these predators should get away with what they’ve done – if indeed they actually did it. In my usual fashion of pointing out the pink elephant in the room, I’ve personally known women directly and through a degree or two of separation who used false accusations of abuse for personal gain. Usually it’s money, but there was a time or two when they were looking for promotions, or to get into or out of things. There’s a special place in hell for people who do this. Use your brain, not deceit. And ladies, a woman working isn’t the worst thing in the world. I’ve been in the work force for 20 years, and I’m still standing. I think it’s far worse to need a job and not have one than to (gasp!) get a job, or work your way up to a promotion honestly. The world works on a basis of exchange for services. You get a paycheck for utilizing your time, talent, education, knowledge and ability for a certain number of hours with a certain company. Scheming, lying, and being “a piece of work” (as the older generation calls it) undermines this. What goes around, comes around. The guy I know who got fired for false allegations actually got a better job, and she’s stuck in the same old craphole, and still making accusations. In fact, all the women I know who used these weapon are just as bad or in worse situations. That flushing sound you just heard are their reputations and potential going down the toilet. You can’t quit being a victim if you keep playing one every day of your life.

Honest work is good. It gives you purpose and keeps you connected to the world.

Now that’s out of the way. Let’s move on to properly protesting when the allegations are true, and my kvetch about promoting the concept of remaining a victim.

My first question is why now? Most of these allegations are decades old, because they accepted it as “they way it is,” and didn’t want to ruin their career. They point to other women who stood up for themselves and had their careers stalled because of it. What did you gain by being silent for so long? You could have helped the women who stood up right away by supporting them, but instead you stayed silent, accepted the norm, further victimized them through your acceptance, and waited until “everybody was doing it” to speak up. You accepted being a victim silently, and now you’re making excuses for why. What’s wrong with you? You don’t get stronger unless you act immediately to get your crap together. Own that crap, admit that you made a mistake by waiting for it to be socially acceptable to speak up instead of doing it immediately like you should have, and we can all move on from this circus faster. Yes, times have changed. I can’t say if they would have changed faster if these people who act so bold on the big (or small) screen would have exhibited that boldness in real life sooner. But enough of Hollywood is getting shovels out of the shed to dig up old dirt, trying to change this norm. When do we move from accusations to actual progress? What are the victims doing to make themselves better, and to make things better for others?

I don’t know, but the Golden Globes did nothing to move in that direction. Herein lies my second question. I heard that they were wearing black in protest of the problem, but when I saw the pictures of the event I thought “what the hell?” They were wearing shear, low cut, revealing dresses. In other words, they protested by conforming to current fashion standards. I think they don’t get the point of a protest: it’s about nonconformity! Go elegant to show you respect yourself. If you really want to make a ruckus, dress like you’re going to a funeral. You would have made every magazine cover in the world dressed as a mortician! They all looked like they came straight from their New Year’s Eve parties! What kind of protest was that?

Now before you say “Sherri, you’re jealous because you’re too fat to wear stuff like that,” I admit that I am too fat for that. I do work out, but I tend to build muscle, and there is still some puff in the center because I won’t relegate myself to shakes, salads, and carrot sticks because I like to eat. It’s not my style anyway, and I’m not paid to look good. I’m paid for my brain, so I focus more on building my mind and skills a writer and administrative employee. I workout and somewhat watch my diet to be healthy, but it’s not an obsession. I don’t have time to work out 6 hours a day like those starlets do. And thank goodness, because I don’t like it anyway. Real women aren’t a size 0 because we don’t have time for that. We have a real life, thanks be to God.

My point is that Hollywood is contradicting themselves. All of these allegations are promoting punishment and being a victim, and that’s not the way to a resolution. They need to show people how to overcome that to gain wisdom and become stronger people, and to shine a light on healing instead of hurt. A good case in point is Joyce Meyer. Love her or hate her, you have to admit that she’s built a good life for herself and inspired others to do likewise through her ministry. Yes, she was abused growing up, but she tells that story frequently with a focus on how she overcame abuse and hardship to build up to a better life with a bright future that helps and inspires others.

Will Hollywood do this? Likely not, because screaming about problems makes a lot more headlines than solving them, so they’ll go on about Trump, evil Republicans, why personal responsibility is stupid, and everything else they think is wrong in their fake world. In the end, it will be up to us to do the work, and that starts with turning off the stupid TV and switching our personal focus on love, hope, faith, health, healing and balance; instead of hurt and pain.

That’s all today. Take care. Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

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Walking the Walk

Or Is It Something Else?

Are You Depressed?

The Pros and Cons of Social Media

How Hollywood's Protest Fails

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