One thing about being on a brief writing hiatus is that I’m more aware of what’s happening around me. It’s amazing what you can learn when you pay attention. This week alone, I’ve stumbled upon several quotes that have inspired me to think. These may not be verbatim, but I think you’ll get the point:

1. “Most people struggle unnecessarily.” This gem came Monday morning when I was watching Enjoying Every Day (Joyce Meyer Ministries). She was talking about how we should depend on God all the time and not just when we’re desperate, but this quote really struck me. We’ve all heard that most people are as happy as they choose to be, but it’s not often that we’re called on for creating our own struggles. Sure, hard times come. We have to adapt and adjust, and we do struggle through these processes – but how many of us continue to struggle long after the battle is over? I could see in my own life how I’ve prolonged “hard times” simply by holding on to the mindset that I was in a fight, when the truth is that I was battling demons that weren’t there. It was a good reminder that we need to stop boxing with the wind and take stock of where we’re really at in life. It could be that we’re at a better place than we realize, and we’re ruining it by creating unnecessary suffering.
   
   
2. “The sun is always shining. It’s just a matter of whether you can see it.” A friend said this last weekend. It was a statement of fact that the sun was out the whole time we endured grey, dreary winter weather, but I saw how it could be applied to a statement of perspective. It’s not hard to see the black cloud in every silver lining, but it takes a special level of awareness to see the opportunity in every challenge. Why is that negative is so easy to slide into, but positive takes effort? I’m not sure, but positive is better for your overall happiness. It’s hard to change how you think, but sometimes it’s worth it to keep from struggling unnecessarily, as I mentioned above. It could, in fact, be the key to changing your life. You can’t change the world from the outside in, but you’d be amazed at what you can change from the inside out. And when I remember how happy I was to see the clouds roll away and the sun shining overhead, it reminded me that I’d rather choose to see the sun than the clouds anytime.
   
   
3. “No matter what battles wage here, I look out there and remember that in most of the world, absolutely nothing is happening.” What a shift from Joyce Meyer on Monday to Game of Thrones, Season 3 on Tuesday! I’m not sure exactly which character said this, but it certainly adjusts your perspective when you realize what a small place in the world we occupy. Now certainly, we all wish that we were anywhere but here when those battles rage, but it helps to realize that this too shall pass, and that the world is a big place.
   
   
4. “Most people think it’s the big things that defeat evil, but I’ve found it’s the small things done by ordinary folks that makes a difference.” This quote is from The Lord of the Rings, but it was reiterated in my devotional reading earlier this week.  It reminded me of what Tolkein’s friend, C.S. Lewis, wrote about every action taking us one step closer to Heaven or one step closer to hell. The direction is ours to choose, but everything we say and do moves us closer to one or the other. And it certainly is true, because most of life is made up of the small things that we too often underestimate.
   
   
5. I’m currently reading a paranormal mystery titled Clean, by Alex Hughes. The lead character is a telepath working with a police detective, and there’s a scene where they get into conflict. He was upset about it and pried into her mind, which she sensed and hit him (literally). At that point, it occurred to him that “She is not going to let me protect her. Not at all. Not even a little.”  This got me to thinking about when a relationship is really and truly over, because I was pondering a plot point for both of my works in progress, and I realized that the character’s point was that it wasn’t over until the other character no longer had a use for him in her life. It occurred to me that it’s not anger, arguments, or ultimatums that end relationships – it’s the simple decision that “I’m better off without you.” When one party is tired of fighting and makes this decision, then hope really is gone, and reconciliation is pretty much not a possibility anymore. It’s a powerful point, both in fiction and reality. 
   
   

Five interesting quotes and five interesting concepts to ponder this week. It’s given me a lot of good things to think about, and I hope it gives you inspiration as well.

That’s all today. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend.

Bye!

I recently started reading Making Good Habits – Breaking Bad Habits, by Joyce Meyer, and one chapter in a line already got me thinking. She wrote “most of what we do on a daily basis is habit.” It reminded me of something somebody said in a seminar several years ago along these same lines. She said, “you don’t realize how many of our emotional reactions are actually habits. We subconsciously remember how we reacted the last time something similar happened, and jump right back to it. The way to gain control is to stop for a moment and ask yourself ‘why do I feel this way?’ You’d be amazed at how much more productive you are when you get a handle on your emotions.”

Both this line and the memory of that seminar got me to thinking. It’s easy to see how some things are habits. My Bible reading is a habit. Prayer time is a habit. Listening to my weather radio while I get dressed is a habit. The times we eat lunch and supper are habits. Chores and errands are habits. Even many of the things I do with my writing and promoting it are habits. All of these were formed, on purpose, based on what works. But how many other habits are part of my daily life that might not be so effective? Are there things I do that may be holding me back? Or other ways that would be more productive, if I made a simple change?

I’ve often said that changing how you think about things is the hardest thing to do, and now I realize why. It requires a tremendous effort to pay attention to things we normally don’t notice and take control of it to form new habits!  And often, people get frustrated in the process and just give up, thinking it’s not worth it – or worse yet, “if people love me, they will accept me as I am and get over it.”

And the devil absolutely loves that attitude, because he knows that the constant cycle of frustration/fight/forgiveness is slowly chipping away at your relationships, and the process gets slower every time you take another round. The truth is, it does matter, and it has a bigger impact on your relationships than you think. Even small things can chip away at something good until all that’s left are the crumbs of broken trust and resentment that overshadow any good sentiment that once held the dust together.

It’s been four years since I underwent my major mental overhaul (thanks to a major life overhaul), and I can tell you that my biggest struggle was accepting things as they are, and not as I want them to be. I still struggle with that from time to time, most recently with my parakeet’s nerve injury. I hate to see Ollie hurt, and was under a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress over it. Nothing I did seemed to help and I was so aggravated! You know what changed that? Getting the flu. I was literally too sick to worry all the time. But a surprising thing happened. I found that, when I quit hovering over Ollie all the time and peeping on him every few minutes, he improved drastically. He’s not healed, and these cold days knock him down more than I like, but I quickly saw that when I accepted him in the condition he’s in now – and not the condition he was in six months ago, which I want him to return to – he did better. He started eating more. He started chirping and singing every now and then. He seemed to relax and accept his own healing as I relaxed and accepted it. He even gets spunky and sassy every now and then. I see his personality coming back. But it didn’t happen until I backed off, trusted the Lord to heal Ollie, and let it go.

If changing my behavior can impact a parakeet, imagine how it can impact other people.

It’s something worth thinking about. I know I have been. Yes, people should accept you as you are, but don’t you want to do your part to make your relationships the best they can be? How much better can your relationships be if you replace nagging with trusting? Complaining with compromising? Threats with respect? Or better yet, accepting people and things as they are and working with them instead of demanding that “they change or else?” Ah, that’s one to really be cautious of. When threats start, “or else” is often the more attractive offer.

Consider the parakeet. If it can improve through changes in human behavior, isn’t it worth a try? I mentioned two entries ago how negative energy drives people away. That too is a habit. And I think that if you really want to be happy, if you really want your relationships to be the best they can be, if you really want your life to be the best it can be, then you’ll agree that it’s worth breaking bad habits of thought, emotion, and behavior to bring it about. It takes work, and it takes time. But , as Meyer says, if you’re determined to make a positive change and focus on what you hope to gain instead of what hurts, then you can do it.

And again, more support to what I said two entries ago: change your mind, change your life. Or, as the Book of Proverbs says, "as a man thinks in his heart, so he is."

It’s worth thinking about. I’m happy with my life, but I believe it’s because I’m always looking for ways to make things better. Learning is a lifelong process, after all. And it’s a process I’m committed to.

That’s all today. Have a Happy Friday and a great weekend.

Bye!

I've had something on my mind the past few weeks that I've debated on sharing here. But I think that if it's persisted on my conscious this long, then it's time to share it. And I'll go ahead and warn you: more sensitive types will find this offensive. But I think it's something worth pissing you off for if it gets you to thinking about it - or better yet, avoiding future problems.

Folks, here it is, plain and simple: I respectfully decline to attend any and all invitations pity parties, rants, raves, or "pieces of your mind" in 2014. One thing that I realized with my bout with the flu was that my exhaustion preceded it by MONTHS, and I naturally wondered why. Imagine my shock when I took a look around and realized how much negative energy I was surrounded by. No wonder! That will sap the life out of anybody, and I don't want to live under a cloud of anger, frustration, and gloom anymore. Add to that the fact that I've had a few people go off on me because SOMEBODY ELSE said or did something that pissed them off - mind you, something I had nothing to do with and wasn't even remotely around when it happened in some cases - and no thanks. Sure, I expect and deserve to be called when I'm the offender. But if I didn't cause the derailment, well, crash that train somewhere else. I'm not Amtrack. I have enough to attend to without taking on what's not my business. I don't know if I have 99 problems, but yours will not be one. I'm getting my own life back on track after a difficult (and in some places, painful) year, and restoring my balance from that is a job in and of itself. Things are working out and I'm trying very hard to make sure they stay on the right track without any more causalities than have already been taken.

I realize we all need to vent every now and then, but if you do it all the time, people don't want to be around you. Even doing it too frequently will have that affect. I saw a post on Facebook a few days ago where a friend of mind advised others to "keep their dirty laundry offline," but I'd say you need to confine it even more than that. Choose your confidents carefully. Use wisdom and discernment in thoughts, words, and actions. You don't have to be under arrest for Miranda rights to apply. Anything you say can and very likely will be used against you not only in the court of public opinion, but in reality as well.

I know, people shouldn't judge - and that doesn't stop them from doing it anyway. I know, people need to mind their own business - but gossip spreads faster than weeds, and what you say can come back to you long after you've resolved the problem and forgotten it. I know, you need help and support every now and then  - but there are some people that aren't afraid to use your problems against you, especially if it helps them (or worse yet, somebody else that they like better than you) to get ahead. I know, you need for people to understand and grant you some attention and compassion - but you need to follow up your words with action to bring about resolution. If you complain all the time and do nothing to even try to better your situation, people pass you off as so much hot air and let you go like a rubber balloon at a kids birthday party.



My point is this: ranting, raving, complaining, whining, screaming, and crying are meant to be temporary "overload" outlets. Use them with discretion. Implementing them too frequently not only drives others away, but drags you down too. Follow up words with thought. Follow up anger or tears with action. Take a proactive approach to either change your situation, or figure out how to better work with it. I know not all things can be changed, and plenty is out of your control - but one thing you can change is how you think about your situation. It really is true that changing how you think about something can change your life. It may take some time, but it can happen. I'm living proof of that, several times over. Don't let too much negative energy surround you for too long, or it will take you over. All things pass. Take one day at a time and try to do something each day that's positive and uplifting. Plan as best as you can for the future, and then let it go and come back to the present. You are where you are for a reason, so do your best to work with it, figure out what God wants you to do with it, and mine it for all the opportunity you can find. And, of course, here's my standard cure-all advice: pray and read The Bible. I started doing daily Bible readings again on January 1, and it's made a drastic difference in my mood and outlook. It's something I'd like to make a part of my daily lifestyle from now on.

In closing, I'll say that yes, we all have those "blow up" moments. God knows, I've had my fair share of train wrecks, a few in the past year. It's understandable, but unfortunately it can lead to consequences that you didn't intend or realize. "I'm sorry" is just the beginning of a long process of forgiveness, rebuilding, and moving on, and that's a process that's often longer than most of us are comfortable with. That's why we learn and try not to make those mistakes again. So now that I've put it out there for God and everybody to see on the Internet, let's file this one away for future reference. Personal experience + public posting acknowledgement = now we know better. Let's try to be more positive and avoid derailments in the future.

That's all today. Take care and have a great week.

Bye!

One thing I pondered over during my covalence from the wasp sting are books I’ve read that challenged my thinking. I believe there are some books that every person should read, at least once in their life, because they have the potential to shift our paradigm on how we see life and the world. 

There are many books on this list, so in order to keep my entries to a reasonable length; I’ll break it up over three entries. I’ll also include links to Amazon so you can check these out for yourself. Be forewarned – this isn’t “light reading,” but that’s the whole purpose – these books engage your whole mind and challenge you to think. I’ll begin the list by digging to the deepest levels of all – faith and eternity. 

The Bible. There are many great devotionals that give you meditations on verses and sections of the Bible, and even more guides that give you intensive studies of books and subjects covered in The Bible, but have you ever actually read it from start to finish? If you’re a Christian, it’s important that you know the Bible in order to apply it to your life properly – plus, a read through gives you not only the information, but the history of Christian faith. It’s amazing what you see reading it through from start to finish. There are many versions and reading plans, many geared toward a 1 year reading plan (because that breaks it up into readings of about 15 minutes per day). Find a good study Bible in a translation that you can easily understand, and make scripture reading a part of your daily routine. (I’ve linked to the New Revised Version because that’s my favorite). 

The Other Bible. I’ve been told by many people that I shouldn’t have touched this one with a ten foot pole, and no doubt I’ll come under fire for suggesting it. This book includes The Apocrypha, The Gnostic Gospels, and The Dead Sea Scrolls – basically, the stuff that didn’t make the “cut” at the Council of Nicaea for The Bible that we know and love. I don’t suggest it for “new believers,” but I think it’s a good idea for people of established faith to get an idea of the thoughts and ideas that shaped our faith and what early believers were seeing and reading. I’ll admit that The Gnostic Gospels are all kinds of crazy to me, but I don’t regret reading it because guess what – those beliefs are still alive today, albeit not widespread. (And I did wind out using some of this for Splinter). Are they true? Are they not? I think it’s obvious why they didn’t make the cut, but I think it’s also good to learn how our faith has developed since the days of Christ. If your faith is solid, then you have nothing to fear because there’s nothing in there that should jerk the rug out from under you. So give it a read – if you dare. 

The Divine Comedy (Inferno, Purgatoria, and Paradiso) by Dante Aligheri. Tour hell, purgatory, and Heaven with Dante on Good Friday in the year 1300. This trilogy is definitely one that will shift your paradigm on the concept of eternity. On the one hand it’s not for the faint of heart. On the other hand, I believe everybody should dare to read it to understand that there are worlds beyond the one we see, and they aren’t anything like what we know. Its not easy reading, but it’s worth it. And bear in mind that Dante wrote this based on a real “vision” that he had. There’s speculation that he was in an altered state when writing it, but so was Edgar Allen Poe when he did a good bit of his writing, and we still hail it as literature. Plus, if you read the Books of Enoch and some of the revelations in The Other Bible, you’ll find interesting parallels between the texts. It makes you wonder whether it’s fiction, or something more. 

The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis. It’s a more up to date, easier to understand  view on the after life. Take a tour of purgatory with Lewis after his fictional fall from a chair to see a glimpse of “the other side” and see what it takes to navigate purgatory to catch the bus to Heaven – or miss is and wind out  - exactly where? An interesting read, easier than Dante but still makes great points, and not too long, either. 

The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis. I absolutely love this book because you get a glimpse of Christian faith from “the other side.” Demons tell of the trials and tribulations of winning souls to hell and what it takes to damn a soul. It’s enlightening with humor in some places and things that will absolutely jolt you in others. Sometimes you can learn a lot from looking through the dark side of the mirror. Another one that ponders – is it fiction, or something more?

 Next time, I’ll move to living and social issues. Here’s a sneak peek at what else is on the list:

How to Forgive – When You Don’t Feel Like It (June Hunt)

Battlefield of the Mind (Joyce Meyer)

Rising Above the Level of Mediocrity (Charles Swindoll)

How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie) 

1984 (George Orwell)

Part 3 will be just for you writers.  I’m working on a list of reference books that will help you write better and get published. Stay tuned!

That’s all for today. Tune in next time for the social issues edition. And have a great week.

Bye!


 

There are some phrases in widespread, common use that seem to be universal hot buttons to piss people off. Really, I don’t understand how it became commonplace for people to say things that erode the very respect that relationships are built on, and yet I hear people say it – and complain about having these things said to them – frequently. 

Certainly, we should always be honest and authentic in our dealings with people, but discernment is an absolute necessity in our dealings with ALL people. Just because it flies through your brain doesn’t mean it needs to fly out of your mouth, and in fact there are many times when it’s best to keep that thought in your head and fake it till you make it with your words (or silence, depending on the situation). For example, here are some phrases you should eliminate (or at least, drastically reduce) in your vocabulary that will garner more respect, motivate people to cooperate and work well with you, and make you appear more intelligent and savvy:

1.   “Whatever.” Nothing coveys the ignorant-inconsiderate-jerk trifecta like this one word phrase. You have the entire English language at your disposal and that’s all you’ve got? If it is, then it’s time to recognize the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, the best course of action is to gracefully back away and let silence be golden. And if you refuse to exercise the right to remain silent, then a simple “I hope that works out for you and wish you luck” is much more dignified than throwing out something that makes you look like a cross between an immature tween and a person that’s learning English as a second language -  and isn’t quite getting it.

2.    “Do what you’ve got to do.” I don’t hear this one as much as I used to, but it’s still out there, and it’s a sin for the same reasons as “whatever.” More accurately, that’s redneck for “I don’t like what you’re doing and would move Heaven and Earth to stop you, but that would reveal me as a selfish jerk to the rest of the world and I don’t want to do that, so go on and get this over with so you can get back to doing things that make me happy.” It isn’t your job to like or even understand everything that other people do, so let go and accept that people have a right to lead their lives, do things, and make decisions that work best for them regardless of what you say, think, or need. Instead, say “I understand this is important to you.” Even if you don’t and you hope it blows up in their face, just fake it and at least acknowledge their right to live as they see fit.  Because I guarantee you’ve done things that made them go “Hmmm” in the past . Plus,  if you want people to stay interested in your life, then you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and their life, even if you don’t care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. 

3.   “That’s not my problem.” I stand back when people say this because it’s an open invitation for the universe to hit you with its best shot, and that’s a challenge it ALWAYS accepts. Sure, you aren’t responsible for every single thing that happens in the world, and there are some things that aren’t your business, but have some dignity in declining to accept responsibility that you feel isn’t yours. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that” is much more gracious and doesn’t invite fate, the universe, the world, or whatever you wish to call it to deliver an entirely new batch of problems into your life. Fake sympathy for the other persons’ plight even if you don’t really feel it because you WILL be at the receiving end of this one day, and the measure you get will be the measure you’ve given. It happens to us all.

4.  “You don’t really want that,” or “Stop wasting your time on that and do this instead.” Excuse me, when did God appoint you to His position, because that’s what it looks like you’re playing at with either variation of this. You have no way of knowing what’s in other peoples’ hearts or what plans are in store for them, and they aren’t required to get your approval for it, either. People have a right to make their own decisions. You never know what might happen and statements like this may very well make a fool of you one day. Don’t take a chance. 

5.  “I told you so.” Even if you preface it with the I-hate-to-say-it-but clause, it’s still ridiculous because they already know. Demonstrate some maturity and don’t gloat over somebody’s failings, even if they asked for it and everybody knew it was foolishness from the start. As I said in the last statement, people have a right to make their own decisions and that means having the grace to let them make their own mistakes. Pray they’ve learned from the experience, and don’t gloat lest you wander into folly someday. Because none of us are as smart as we think we are. 
 
6.    “ I did that too, and let me tell you how I did it better.” Nobody likes a know-it-all or a show off, and a constant need to one-up people blinks “I’m insecure!” brighter than a digital billboard. You don’t have to be in the spotlight every minute of every day. Back down and let others have their day in the sun every now and then. Because we all know that nobody’s done everything under the sun, and there will always be people out there that have done it bigger, better and more recently than you have. Let go of the competition to always be #1 and learn to be happy with the life the Lord gave you.

7.   “If I were you, I’d …” Turn off anybody that prefaces a statement with this immediately, because it’s a clear sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about. Wisdom gives options. Experience shares insight. Ignorance says that if they were you, they’d go out and kick the world in the you-know-where, and that’s most often foolishness that would make a bigger mess of things if anybody were dumb enough to take this advice. Plus, they wouldn’t have the guts to actually do it, because some people are good at telling people to do things they wouldn’t dare do themselves.

8.     “You should make them do it.” Guess what? Scientists have found the center of the universe and it’s not you. That’s the fastest way to run a person out of your life. You don’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do, and if you try to then trust me – you’re ego can’t handle what they really think about you. If you have to control someone every minute to “keep them in line,” then you’re trying to force them into a place or relationship where they don’t belong. Don’t beg people to be your friend or try to force them to your will. Pray for what Joyce Meyer refers to as “divine connections.” Those are friends and acquaintances that you get along with so well that you don’t want to change them because you appreciate how their uniqueness enriches your life. 

9.     “I would NEVER do that/accept that/put up with that.” Never say never or the Lord will make you do it to show you who the boss really is. One never in your life that’s absolute: you never know what life has in store for you. Someday you could well be dining on crow while dealing with something that you thought you were too smart/special/good for. Life has a way of humbling us, and the “I would never” statements are a GPS on how to get that done. 

10.   Anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you and your family” at a visitation or funeral. Anything else sounds stupid and believe me, there’s nothing clever or inspirational you can say that will get through people in the depths of grief. The dumbest things I’ve ever heard have all been said at visitations and/or funerals because people try to justify death and offer comfort in religious platitudes. Folks, I’m Christian too, but this isn’t seminary or time to play preacher. I remember what C.S. Lewis wrote about death not being natural because human beings weren’t created to die and it’s the most painful consequence that we pay for sin. He’s absolutely right. There’s nothing right about death and there’s no way to wrap it up in pretty phrases or platitudes that makes it suck less. So give it up. Don’t engage in conversations with the bereaved if they try to start one, either. This isn’t the time or place to engage in theological discussions, discuss anything beyond condolences for the loss (no gossip or “what’s up with me” statements), and it certainly isn’t appropriate to leverage your personality or make a big impression. It’s a subdued occasion so dial it down, make an appearance, and for goodness sake, shut up.

Maybe you relate to some of this and are nodding, saying thank you for revealing it! Or maybe you see it as a calling out. I certainly don’t mean it that way, and I admit that I’m guilty of uttering some of these phrases. In fact, I  had to work at cutting the “whatever” and “I told you so” out of my vocabulary, and I get along with people so much better now that it’s gone. My point is not to say “shame on you.” It’s  to shed light on small things that chip away at trust and give guidance that I’ve learned in building bridges to cooperative relationships that last. It takes time and effort, but if modifying my vocabulary slightly will help with that, then it’s an effort worth making. I believe if you’ve read this far then you believe it’s a worthy effort, too.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 
 
Bye!