I don't know about you, but I get frustrated with people that complain about their life all the time, but they do absolutely nothing to change the things that they complain about. Perhaps I'm oversimplifying things, but it seems that if you're truly miserable then you'd at least try to change the situation, right?

Well, I do but it seems I'm in a minority. It seems there are a lot of people out there that are comfortable with the ruts they're in. And I wonder, maybe, if they fear what it might mean to stick their necks out and pursue a change. After all, where they are might not be a "happy place," but it's familiar. There are a lot of people that fear change, and the unknown.

I know my recent experiences have shaded my perception in this area. I used to fear change too. Yes, I was one of those complainers. My former boss found it quite amusing, in fact, But if she could see me now, she wouldn't know me. I've found  nothing but change around every corner for the past 2 years. I expect it now. In fact, now if it doesn't happen then I wonder what the hell's going on because something must not be right for things to stay the same for, oh, more than a little while. It's amazing how life and reality can beat the fear right out of you, and mold you into a whole new creation. I used to say "oh no!" to change. Now I say "so what?" It's pretty normal for me. And while I won't say that I'm fearless - yes, I do feel some anxiety over the unknown - I'm not frozen by it. I've seen my faith grow in proportion to the reality of my life and find myself much more flexible and less fearful than I used to be, even 3-5 years ago.

So I suppose that explains why I'm not very patient with complainers. I've been forced to adapt with change. With changes in my job. With changes in the family. With changes at church. With changes in my friends due to these transitions and losing 3 of them to cancer. Yes, I said I lost 3 friends to cancer. That was not a typo. And all in a period of 15 months while everything else in my life was looking like a clown's juggling act too. Maybe that explains why I was disgusted with hearing somebody earlier this week complaining about something bad that happened to them years ago - like over a decade ago. I was appalled. Either they have a very thin hide or their "life pain" file is at a low level that I envy. Life hasn't hesitated to beat me with a baseball bat from time to time, so I suppose I'm not very sympathetic to the delicate souls with low emotional resilience.

Honestly, though, I do think we get used to talking and talking and talking and not doing. I know I'm guilty, so I really can't point at the splinter in others' eyes when I have that log in my own. It's taken real life to show me that true value isn't in words, but in the actions that back them up. In fact, I was under a therapist for a while a few years back and one of the first things she told me is "don't listen to words, look at actions. People lie with their mouths, but they act on truth." Man, that got a lot of people in trouble with me. They did not appreciate that jewel of wisdom. But it also convicted me to look at the match between my own words and actions and lo and behold, I did see a rift. I've worked very hard over the past couple of years to be more mindful of this by ackowledging how I really think and feel, defining my true values and boundaries, and ensuring that my actions match my thoughts and words. It's not always easy because we live in a society that tells us to do whatever it takes to make others happy right now, and work around it later, but it's an easier way to live. And really, I believe it really makes having relationships with others easier too. I've noticed that my relationships have improved drastically since I was mindful of this. Of course, excercising discernment has also helped, but that's an entry for another day.

I guess I just wish that others were as honest with themselves and would do this kind of inner exploration. Look within and find the truth. When you complain, are you really unhappy? If so, you'll try to change it. Even the act of trying to change it will help make you happier because you know you're doing something, and doing something is always better than doing nothing. But if you aren't, then admit that you're temporarily frustrated, but that you still believe the benefits of whatever's pricking blood out of you now outweigh the frustration of piercing your emotions.

I think that in the end, it boils down with being honest with ourselves, and letting that trickle down into being  honest with others. And that always leads to better and more stable relationships. Anything built on truth will last.

That's all for today. Happy Friday to you. I hope you have a great weekend.

Bye!

I’ve often said that when you first tell people that you want to be a writer, expect a lot of blank stares at best, and a reaction akin to announcing that you plan to become a serial killer at worst. That is, until you get published. Then everybody will know you and proudly proclaim that they knew you “back when.” They’ll completely forget all the times they said “why do you want to do that?” or “didn’t you graduate? Why not go back to school instead if that’s what you want to do?” Or any other number of “helpful suggestions” that included doing anything but that. 
 
That’s not to say that I didn’t have support. Of course, those closest to me wanted me to succeed at making my dreams come true, but let’s face it – your inner circle is usually pretty small. Most of the people you know won’t be in it, and they certainly won’t understand the things that are most important to you. In fact, even those in your “inner circle” will eventually lose their enthusiasm for your personal pursuits if they don’t see results face, and often. It’s unfortunate, but peoples’ attention spans are usually much shorter than God’s timing. Most people don’t have patience to stay the course, especially in a culture where everything is instantaneous and available with the click of the mouse or the press of a button. That’s why I believe that internal motivation is perhaps the most important element in pursuing your authenticity and purpose in life. 
 
What is internal motivation? Basically, it’s the determination and inner drive to see things through to the end, no matter what it takes. I’ve said before that God will only reveal purpose to you, and for that reason you simply can’t rely on others to hold you up and carry you through the finish line. They have their hands full with their own lives and frankly, they are probably overwhelmed with keeping up with the day to day grind of reality. You must have strength within you to stay the course and be determined to see things through all the way to the end, no matter how many battles or struggles you must endure. There path to purpose isn’t a straight line, but rather a winding highway. There will be progress and setbacks, trials and errors, success and failure, as you wind through the journey. Some people will be with you for all of it, some for part, but remember that they are also taking their own journey’s. We all only have so much emotional energy and must dedicate it to those things that matter most. And let’s be honest, what are you more concerned with: Your own life or somebody elses’? That’s not being selfish – it’s just the way it is. We must attend to our own obligations and priorities first and foremost. 

Likewise, there are also people that don’t want to see you succeed. This usually isn’t personal, even though it feels like a very real attack on who we are. It’s really smoke and mirrors for their own insecurity. I believe we all have these “emotional vampires” in our lives that can find the dark cloud in any silver lining and discourage us from doing anything that causes us to rise above where we’re at. Their security is in making sure that you (and often, everybody they know) stay inside the convenient box they’ve put you in for their own comfort. You must realize that this box isn’t your problem. Do yourself a favor by dealing with these toxic relationships quickly and efficiently, and moving on. In fact, that might be the very thing that makes them realize the right thing to do so they can get on with their own lives. Doing the right thing and refusing to accept other peoples’ problems is often the best living testimony we can provide to the world.

 Yes, the journey to purpose can be a lonely one at times. There are journey’s we must take alone and things we must discover on our own. The good news is that we are never really alone. The Lord is always right there with us, to ensure that we stay on the right path. He will always do His part as long as we do our part by following the prompting of the Spirit, but sometimes what is right isn’t what looks or seems right. That’s why it’s so important to be internally motivated. These promptings are usually very personal, and we have to be able to stand up to scrutiny, discouragement, and sometimes even attack to see the victory. But as I’ve said so many times before, the reward is well worth it. There’s nothing better than realizing you are uniquely and wonderfully made, and being content with who you are. 
 
Next Time: Contentment – The Secret to Joy.

I hate that song "When Peace Flows Like a River." It's a filthy lie.

I suppose that statement deserves an explanation, so here it is: I went to a funeral for a friend yesterday that died from cancer. It's the third friend I've lost to cancer in 18 months. To say I hope I never see the face of this ugly beast again would be an understatement.

Anyway, they seem to love this hymn at funerals. There's just one problem: No, it's not well with my soul. I don't understand why three people I know had to suffer like this. They were good people. They wanted to live. It seems so unfair that their lives were cut short when I look around and see people that don't appreciate a thing - or that play hard and fast, like they don't care about putting themselves or others in danger - and they keep going on and on. 

I hate that hymn because it's arrogant and it's a lie. Are you ok with anything that happens? Life can whollop you and it's just "well, praise God and glory be." No folks, not in the real world. Real people get frustrated. Real people get angry. Real people are confused and hurt and don't understand. I'll admit that I'm a real person and my soul's got problems. I don't get it. In fact, there's a lot I don't get.

Another reason I don't like this song is because it implies that faith means never questioning anything - just blind acceptance. You can reason out everything, even if the reason is simply "it's God's will." While that is true, and I suppose it all does boil down to that, it's been my experience that human beings aren't that simplistic. We do try to understand. We do ask questions. We do get frustrated and angry in our confusion and lack of understanding. It is through these struggles that we find what faith really is: Not a lack of questions, but an acceptance that we won't have most of the answers. That in the grand scheme of things it does make sense, and being ok with the fact that only God may know how it fits into that scheme. And most importantly, to realize that it's ok to not have the answers or to work through whatever processes we need to work through to get to this acceptance.

That's where I'm at. My soul does hurt, and it's confused. I know all three of them are at peace now, and that there's a greater plan that I won't see this side of Heaven. Intellecutally, it's there. Emotionally, I'm still on the journey to that point. I miss them and those absences do hurt. It's hard to remember that they won't walk through that door at church Sunday morning any more, that they won't be at that committee function or in Sunday School or passing by at functions with their cheerful smiles. The reality that they're gone and never coming back is still stinging. And I don't think there's a thing wrong with that sting. It means I feel. It means I'm still human. It means I'm still alive.

So no, it's not well with my soul, and I'm ok with admitting that. My soul is hurt and it needs to heal. I know the truth and accept it, but I'm just going to have to work through that process to get these pesky emotions at that same level. And I don't think I'm alone. Many others are on that same journey. I have plenty of company on this road. My comfort is that tomorrow is a new day. New mercies every morning. Great is thy faithfulness.

Now that's one I can live with.

That's all today. Happy Friday to you tomorrow.

Bye!

Stress levels have been at an all time high at my work, as we've spent the past month going through a major internal reorganization. There's a lot of anxiety and confusion on the redistrubution of duties and responsibilities. Yes indeed, a lot of nail biting is going on. 

Only thing is, I'm so used to this that I barely feel it. Every job I've ever been at has gone through some sort of a major internal change within my first three years there. To me, this is almost normal. I can't count the number of times I've been moved, shifted, and re-trained for my job. My father-in-law once told me that nothing changed in his job in his entire 20+ year career. I laughed, having lost track of the changes by the time I had been in my job 7 years. 

I think that harkens to a very important change that's taken place in our society. I recently read that the level of stress we currently consider "normal" would have been considered "acute" 50 years ago. I can see why. Advances in technology have sped the world up to the speed of light, and we've become accustomed to a lifestyle that would have left our forebearer's breathless just to hear about! Needless to say, in this fast paced, time crunched society, "slow and easy" are not terms used to describe the modern lifestyle of most. Well, at least most people that aren't retired, according to what I hear. ;) But that's another blog post. 

The question is; how do we deal with these increasing levels of stress? We all know the problems it can cause with our health, but it seems to me that most people don't know how to combat it. There are many ways, and I'd like to explore some of them in the next few entries. I'll start this series by telling my first secret, which is having a hobby. I believe it's very important to have something that is wholly and completely your own for no other purpose than to bring you personal happiness and satisfaction in life. Something the rest of the world can't touch. Something that serves no purpose than to bring you joy. 

We all need at least one hobby. I believe it's important to our emotional well being. If your life is too busy to carve out a few minutes of your own during the day, then there is a serious need to sit down and set some priorities in your life. You MUST take care of yourself. Otherwise, you're going to break down (physically or emotionally), and then you'll be no good to anyone. So if you want to be the most productive and helpful to others, then you need to take some time out for yourself. 

My writing is my hobby. This is my place to create my own worlds, to decompress, and to work out issues and concerns in my life in a context that I'm comfortable with. It gives me a place to handle things my way, and to work things out through alternate realities. It helps me to reconcile the rabbit hole of my life, so to speak. 

So what's your hobby? This is the topic of my latest forum post. If you don't have one, I believe now would be a good time to consider what you could do to carve out some time and space of your own in the world.