The bottom line to it all is that it's best to live one day at a time, and to do the best you can with what you've got. Life is a journey, and all you can do is roll with whatever part of it you're on. Whether it's the long, slow times when progress is so slow as to be non-existent, seasons of head-spinning change, mountaintops or valleys, the fact remains that you are where you are and all you can do is your best. It seems to me that fixating too much on being in a season of life is a surefire path to frustration. It puts you in a mindset that might not be best for you, and can make it more difficult to manage where you're at. Best to work with the blessings you have and enjoy them along the way. You can reminisce on the seasons later. For now, live. 

I can say that the last couple of years haven't been phenomenal. Looking back, it's amazing what we've come through. At first I did realize that it seemed I'd sunk in a valley, but I'm glad I made the realization about a year ago that I was making it harder on myself by fixating on that and fretting on when is this gonna be over. I decided to take a day at a time, and you know what? The days passed with a lot less anxiety and frustration. I did what I could, when I could, and now here I am. It looks like things are  moving up now, but honestly it doesn't matter. I'm thankful to be where I am and dedicated to working with what I've got to keep things going. Good season or bad, all that really matters is that you keep moving in the right direction. 

The nature of life is motion and change, so you may as well get used to the fact that you're on a journey that doesn't end until your time on this earth does. Whether you're in the spotlight or the periphery, the mountaintop or the valley, the fertile land or the desert, just be you. Do what you can and keep rolling. I guarantee that you'll find yourself somewhere else soon enough. So don't fear. Nothing last forever. If the days are good, enjoy them fully. If they aren't, rest in the hope that they will get better. That is a fact. 

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

I've about had it with people telling me what time it is! Yes, I know that recently turning 39 means that (que dramatic music now) 40 is just around the corner. I know that Halloween is the next big holiday, followed by Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and what-are-you-going-to-do-to-prepare-for-40 resolutions. I know fall is coming, a mid-term election is coming, license renewals are coming , and then winter is coming (is anybody else hearing the theme song for Game of Thrones in their head right now?). All this I know. 

And all this I do not give a crap about. 

One of the nuggets of wisdom my grandfather passed on to me as a child was to not wish my life away. "People are always wishing for the next thing to hurry up and get here, and then they get older and wish they had all that time they wished away back." Even at 10 and 11 years old, that advice held merit to me. I got it. Now I look around, and it seems that we, as a society, are obsessed with time - or rather, how much or how little of it we think we have. This has been confirmed many times over just this weekend, from Halloween decorations in stores, to people walking around in shorts and fur-lined boots (it seems they can't wait to show off that smashing winter wardrobe), to an article I just read on 4 Ways to Defy Your Age. It's a good article, but 4 ways? I'll give you 3, and they're the title of this entry:

1. Shoot the clock. You control your schedule. If you're a slave to it, things are backwards and you need to take dominion over it. 
2. Burn the calender. Stop obsession over how old you are. Your age is nothing more than a point of reference to how long you've been on this rock hurling through space. Setting goals, expectations, and limitations based on your age (current or impending) is unnecessarily fencing yourself in. You'll be in a box when you're dead. Why do you want to live in one of your own making?
3. Live already. If you woke up this morning, there's hope. If you woke up healthy and/or able to function, there's more hope. For goodness sake, take the blessings you have, give thanks for them, and work them! 

Maybe it's because I faced death twice in a five month period, but I'm really fed up with the fears and limitations people put on themselves based on time and  my patience for that crap is gone. Where I live, it's still summer. Maybe the fur lined boots with shorts are appropriate in San Francisco, but in Columbia, South Carolina, where it's 90 degrees with 90 percent humidity - no. It's still summer. It's the peak of it, and we have about another month to go before we even think about things like socks and long sleeve shirts. Forget fall! Why can't we enjoy what's left of summer? Sure, I'd like for the mercury to drop about 20 degrees, and sometimes in September we are graced with those hints of fall - but why wish it away? We'll be trapped inside with sunrise at 8 a.m. and sunset at 5 p.m. before you know it, and then we'll whine for spring. 

When I first got the idea for the concept to The Earthside Trilogy, I did have a moment of doubt about my ability to write a series of three books But it was just a moment because I realized that I'm probably going to write a lot more than three books before I leave this Earth, so what difference does it make if they're part of a series? And with that, off I went. 

I'm not saying that everybody needs to be like me because goodness knows, the world doesn't need that. But maybe more of us do need to get over our obsession with time and wishing our lives away. It's a waste, really, when you could spend that time doing other things, like enjoying where you are in life right now.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

This entry in the 2014 Graduation Blog series is on Time Saving Tips. Saving time really boils down to 2 things: organization, and good time management. If you’re good at these things, it shouldn’t be a problem to find ways to get things done faster and easier. If not, it may take a bit of effort to get into a flow. But it can be done and once you get the hang of it, it’s easier to see ways of getting things done more efficiently.

Here are a few tips to help you get started, whether you’re off to college, off to work, or off to get that new apartment or home set up:

1.       Set your priorities and schedule according to what matters most. There are only so many hours in the day, and endless possibilities on how to spend it. Obviously, work and/or school are first, and those are not multiple choices. But there are countless “distractions” out there and people are always pressuring you to do this or try that. It’s literally impossible to do it all. In fact, the reason why there are many seasons of life is so you have a chance to do more over time – but you can’t do it all at once. Decide what you like best and make that a priority for your free time. Other things can be tried on a “when I have time” or “on the back burner” basis. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day for you to do everything that even you want. You have to make decisions based on what’s in your heart, not on what others would really like for you to do.

As a side note on this; it’s alright to be non-negotiable on one or two things. For example, my Bible reading time and my writing are absolutely not up for negotiation – period. I can be flexible with social time, reading, volunteer work, and even housecleaning, chores and errands, but those two things are not “back burner” eligible. Everybody needs one or two things that are theirs and theirs alone.

2.       Don’t be afraid to say “no.” Believe me, others aren’t afraid to say no to you. If this scares you, get over that. The only way to keep balance in your life is to set acceptable boundaries and stick to them. It may make people mad for a little while, but soon enough they’ll get over it, and they’ll better understand and respect how you spend your time and energy.

3.       Give up things that aren’t working for you. If a certain activity, hobby, club or organization isn’t working out for you the way it used to, don’t be afraid to let it go. Don’t invest in something that isn’t paying off for you in some way, be it spiritually, emotionally, or financially. I’ll tell you how this can be a money saving tip as well in my next blog entry.

4.       Set up an organization system and keep it daily. I’ve often been accused of being excessively (or rather, obsessively) organized, but in reality it doesn’t take that much to make this work. It takes an investment of time, but if you establish a system of organization that works for you and maintain it daily, it’s well worth it. It takes a lot less time to find that bill if you take 2 minutes to file your paperwork at the end of the day, or to find your keys if you take a second to put them in the same place every time you’re done with them. 

5.       Utilize spot cleaning. I’m a master at this. You can spruce up your house in less than an hour with Clorox wipes in the kitchen and bathroom, a feather duster around the house, bleach in the toilets, a broom and Swiffer mop on the floors, and a vacuum in rooms that are used daily. And if you clean up messes as they happen and check around once every other week, it can go faster. I only deep clean my house once every 6-8 weeks. In between, I spot clean as needed. 

6.       Schedule your week. I do an exercise every Sunday that I call “Mapping My Week.” I check my calendar for meetings or other obligations, check around the house for things that need to be done, and come up with a schedule to get things accomplished. I also plan my outfits and the meals I want to cook each day. This can take as little as 5 minutes, and it’s well worth it. Now for those of you who say “that’s anal,” bear in mind that this schedule is flexible. If I schedule cage cleaning for Tuesday and that doesn’t work, then I can switch my Tuesday plans with Wednesday or Thursday. The point is to take time to plan an even distribution for getting things done so the week goes smoother.  And , of course, I schedule “down time” as well. I always have 1 or 2 nights that I leave free for flex time if I get off schedule, or for stuff I enjoy if I don’t need that flex time. This is really effective time management, and with calendar apps on smartphones it’s really easy to keep up with dates, deadlines, and all you need to do. Use those apps and take the time to work with them at least once a week. I learned it my freshman year in college, and it continues to serve me well, even 17 years after graduating.

7.       Take care of your health. Take your medications. You’re awesome, but you aren’t so charming and fabulous that you can go off the meds. Your doctor gave them to you so you can feel good and have a healthy life every day with less illness, so take advantage of modern medicine and pop that pill every day if your doctor told you to. Eat right and exercise. Drink plenty of water. Get enough sleep. Take care of your body, and it will stand a lot better to whatever life may bring.

8.       Take care of your stuff. Keep up maintenance on your home and your car. It’s a lot easier ,less time consuming, and less embarrassing to have a low tire plugged than to find your car with a flat tire when you’re trying to leave work one day. If it doesn’t seem to be working as well as it used to, have it checked out. I learned this the hard way with our dishwasher a few months ago. It wasn’t running like it usually did, but it was the holidays, and we were busy. Rick had just been sick, I got the flu, and our parakeet was ill with what turned out to be a terminal illness.  We were overwhelmed with life and  thought “we’ll look at it later,” until it flooded our kitchen floor one day in late February and we had to order a new one, right when the parakeet’s health took a turn for the worse and we had to have him put to sleep. Putting that dishwasher problem off didn’t save us a thing. In fact caused it to come to a head at a worse time! We would have been better off being put to the trouble sooner rather than later. Don’t wait for it to die before you pay attention to it. It take less time to maintain and troubleshoot than to repair and replace.

9.       Multitask with discernment. Multitasking is a popular thing right now, but it’s not always the best way to get more done in less time. In fact, sometimes it can take longer, or result in mistakes that could have been avoided if you had focused 100% of your attention on that task alone. It’s one thing to clean the house while a load of laundry is running. It’s quite another to try to balance finances and watch television. Know yourself, your responsibilities, and what you do well enough to know what you can multitask and what needs your full attention. Doing it right the first time is always more efficient than having to go back and make corrections later.

10.   Read the instructions, all the way through, all the time, and follow them. Perhaps this should have been first, because it’s the tip people miss the most. Instructions are provided so you can get the most common questions answered and so things can get done correctly and as quickly as possible. Assuming that you’re too smart for that or that you know a better way is stupid. They exist for a reason, and it would behoove you to read and follow them. Plus, since so few people actually do it, you can appear incredibly intelligent when you know the right answer without fiddling, fumbling and farting around trying to guess it because you were too good to read a few paragraphs that said how to do it right the first time.

I hope these tips are helpful to you, whether you’re starting a new chapter of life or just need some advice on how to fine tune the life you have. Maybe you’ve made some of these discoveries yourself, or maybe this will help you fine tune the way you’re doing things. Either way, I hope it’s helpful it streamlining your life and finding ways to do things faster, easier, and more effectively so you can have more free time to enjoy.

I hope you’re enjoying this mini blog series. The next entry will be Money Saving Tips, and the final entry in this series will be General Tips.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

It was recently suggested that I should occasionally blog about tips and tricks to help people out with their lives. I’ve seen this advice before, but it’s usually geared toward non-fiction writers. Frankly, I didn’t think that my readers would be very interested in this kind of thing, as the purpose of this blog is to show how my reality feeds my writing. But what the heck, I thought. Maybe there’s something I’ve discovered along the way that would be helpful to people.

 One thing I’ve frequently been complimented on is time management skills. I was fortunate to receive good training on this my first semester in college, and now that I’m juggling a full time job and a building writing career, it’s invaluable. So today, I’d like to share some time saver tricks I’ve learned over the years. Hopefully, this will allow you to spend less time doing what must be done and more time doing what you want to do. 

Tip #1 -  Schedule similar tasks together. This is also called “block scheduling,” and it’s the habit that saves me the most time of all. In fact, when done properly, I believe this is what the term “multi-tasking” refers to. Group tasks together that require similar resources to complete. For example, at work I’ll work on Board meeting items, and then I’ll work on outstanding disciplinary issues, because they frequently cross over into Board items. Once I get the paper off my desk, I’ll check email and telephone messages for other items related to this and respond to them before moving on to the next group of tasks. Or at home, I’ll clean bird cages on nights when Rick cooks and I clean the kitchen, because I’ll have all of the cleaning stuff out already, and be ready to sweep the floor and take out one big bag of trash when I get both done.  And doing all of your “going” together (running errands away from home) not only saves you time by visiting every place you need to go in an area, but it saves gas in making one trip to do it all. 

Tip #2 – Map your week. Every Sunday night, I do an exercise I call “mapping my week.” I look at my schedule for the next week and plan what I’ll wear to work each day, what meals I plan to cook on my nights to cook, and when I can do chores, errands, or work on my writing. Some people think this is “anal,” but the truth is that it’s extremely helpful because you avoid unpleasant surprises, like finding out that the shirt you want to wear today is dirty because you wore it to church Sunday and you haven’t done laundry yet this week. Plus, you can work flexibility into your “mapping.” For example, let’s say you schedule laundry for Tuesday and cage cleaning for Wednesday, but find out that garbage pick up is a day early this week. No problem - you can switch your Tuesday and Wednesday chores, and it still works out. Mapping your week isn’t so much about when it gets done as it is about planning how to get it done. It divides things that need your attention over the next 6 days evenly so you can be sure you have what you need to get the tasks done, and prevents you from stressing out or wearing out by week’s end. And by the way: don’t forget to schedule some “down time” in your weekly mapping too.  


Tip #3 – Utilize your lunch hour. It might not seem like much, but that’s 5 hours over a week. I’ve taken my laptop to the office with me to work on my writing, taken my tennis shoes to the office to take my walk around the complex, run errands, and caught up on personal calls and/or emails during those hours – and that’s time I didn’t have to spend doing it before or after work. And when it comes to writing, consider this: on a typical work night, I can get in 2 hours of work without clashing with housework or other chores and/or errands. So taking my laptop to work on 2 days gives me an extra night’s worth of work during the week. That’s one night I can spend with Rick and the birds. So brown bag your lunch and use those 60 minutes to knock some things off the “to do” list. 

Tip #4 – Use your calendar and reminder apps. They don’t call them smart phones because they’re smarter than you – they call them smart phones because they make you look smarter. Even basic cell phones come with a calendar feature, so learn how to use it and put in appointments and events with reminders long enough ahead of time to get a good start on preparing for what you need to do, or to remind you of repeating tasks. And be sure to check these features often. Let technology help you!
 
Tip #5 – Work your assigned hours. I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but I’ve known people that reasoned that they could take an extra long lunch and work a bit later, or come in on Saturday, or take work home and do it Sunday afternoon. While that might be necessary every once in a while, I’d caution against making it a habit because it turns into a time waster and lends to disorganization. Work loads are supposed to be assigned based on core work hours, so work the hours you’re assigned and you’ll be more productive. Think about it: you aren’t likely to get a response from somebody if you leave them a phone or email message after hours or on the weekend – and what if they “put you on the back burner” and you need quick follow up? Or the system is down because they’re doing maintenance during that time, and it never delivers? Or you need to check with a colleague on something, and you don’t have their cell phone number (and would they answer a work related call on a weekend if you did have it)? Deferring your work has the potential to increase your workload by adding steps. So work your assigned hours and save your personal time for you, your home, and your family. 

Tip #6 – Maintain your health. I know a lot of people that postpone going to the doctor until “their schedule settles,” or won’t get medicine because they’re waiting for payday. This is a dangerous game. Your health is the foundation of everything, and you can’t perform your best if you’re sick or injured. Take care of yourself and make time to go to the doctor. Take your medication every day. If you have trouble paying for it, talk to your doctor about affordable options. If getting by the pharmacy is a pain (as it can be), sign up for a mail order pharmacy that you can order medicine through with a few clicks and have it delivered to your door. Make time to take care of your health. Because without proper self care, you aren’t going to effectively manage anything in life. 

Tip #7 – Don’t skimp on sleep. I know we’ve all pulled “all nighters” or late nights to get things done, but the older you get, the more of a detrimental effect this has on you. It’s not a habit to get into. Map out your week so you can “wind down” in time to rest for at least 30 – 60 minutes before bedtime and get 8 hours of sleep each night. Don’t even try to work every minute of every day. You aren’t as productive if you’re tired and making mistakes, so stop before you wear out. 

Tip #8 – Delegate. I know a lot of people roll their eyes at this, but I’ve learned why leaders do this through months of staff shortages. Nobody can do it all, nor should they try. Utilize other peoples’ talents and engage them in cooperative efforts to keep things going. Let people know what you need before the buck stops with you, and consider “hiring out” on occasion. I know money is tight in this economy, but sometimes time is more valuable than money and it’s worth spending a few dollars to get a helping hand. We occasionally call a lawn service that works for many families in our area to cut our grass when we’ve been sick or overscheduled. I also hired a  graphic artist to do a cover for Move, and asked her if she’s mind being “on call” form me for future self-published projects. Both do great work, are dependable, and are reasonably prices so their services are a true blessing to me when the going gets hectic. 

Tip #9 – Keep at least 1 “quick meal” on hand at your home. We all have those days that are unexpectedly busy, and find the unpleasant surprise that, on top of struggling to 5:00, we have to put a meal on the table. Or how about the email or text from the spouse saying “working late, be home whenever?” This can make fixing dinner a challenge, and make picking up fast food awfully tempting. I suggest keeping at least one or two “quick meals” in your house that you can make with as little time and effort as possible. Heat and serve pizzas are the most obvious solution to this problem, but there are other options like sloppy joes, soups, salads, or those Stouffers meals that you can microwave in 18-20 minutes. And if you know you have a tough day coming up, consider a crock pot meal that you can put in the pot before work and have done when you walk in the door.  

Tip #10 – Keep your house, office, and car organized. This might take a one time investment of time, but it’s well worth it. Digging around to look for things wastes more time that you realize, and you can save precious minutes if you know where to find what you need when you need it. That being said, the level of organization you choose to have is up to you, as long as you can find things quickly and with little effort. Filing cabinets or piles of paper on the floor? Or get rid of the paper and go digital? It’s up to you, as long as you know where it is. 

Tip #11 – Arrange your schedule to line up with your priorities. We all have a tendency to take on too much, and it’s beneficial to take stock of life every now and then to ask what fits and what doesn’t. Sometimes, this may require giving up some things that we like in order to make room for things that we like better or that line up more with our priorities. For example, I had to give up volunteer work at my church when my job because more demanding and my writing started to build and require more time. It wasn’t an easy choice to make, but my life filled up and I couldn’t dedicate the time and attention to it that I had before things changed in these two areas. I also had to limit my cross stitching to small projects during “slower” seasons with my writing, but  I know I’ll have to “shelve” this hobby when Splinter is released in November to make time for the promotional work I’ll need to do. There’s only so much time in a day and we only have so much energy, and sometimes that requires that we make hard decisions. Fortunately, life is ever changing, and there’s always the possibility that a season will come when there’s time for volunteering and cross stitching again. 

I hope these tips are helpful in getting your own time management system established, or perhaps working better than the one you have. Of course, feel free to comment with any other tips that you’ve discovered to save precious minutes in each and every day. 

That’s all today. Have a great week. 

Bye!

Ah, back to school time! I have to be honest – this is the time of year when I don’t envy teachers or students at all. I don’t mean to sound snarky; it’s just the truth. I remember the “back to school” dread that would start as soon as the retailers would crank up the commercials in late July from my own school days. It was downright depressing to go back after a nice, long break and make that adjustment to the lazy days of summer to the crazy school days again. One advantage of having a year-round job is that my schedule doesn’t get disrupted like that any more. The disruptions are for much shorter periods of time. It’s easier to rebound from a two day meeting or a three day conference than the nine months on/three months off school schedule.  But I guess that’s a personal preference, and it’s all in what you’re used to. 

Still, we do all go through schedule disruptions from time to time, and everybody has busy seasons. Whether it’s rebounding from having three months off, a cross-country conference in a time zone three hours behind you, the explosion of activity during your busiest time of year, or covering for a colleague that's resigned or is on long term leave, there are tips and tricks to keep your balance through the transition. It’s not easy to move through these phases, but you can ease the burden by:

Not skimping on sleep. I know there are times when you need more hours in the day, and the easiest way to get them is to sleep less. Don’t do it. Your body needs time to rest and recover, and getting enough sleep is your best defense against the ravages of stress and illness. Trust me: You’ll be a lot more productive during your day if you get enough sleep at night. So don’t burn the midnight oil, or get up at 4 a.m. to “get a leg up.” It won’t work if the 3 p.m. crash fogs your concentration to the point where you can’t focus on anything at all. 

Taking your lunch hours and breaks and don’t do overtime unless it’s required.  I picked up this gem at an administrative assistant’s conference about 10 years ago, and it’s proved golden. Just like skimping on sleep, it’s easy to reason that you’ll get ahead if you skip your “off time.” And just like skimping on sleep, you’re cheating yourself by not allowing breaks that will refresh you and give you energy to get more done while you’re there. There might be times when it’s necessary, but keep it to a minimum and don’t make it a habit. Remember, work/school are there to serve your personal life – not the other way around. It’s a symbiotic circle where things are supposed to work in harmony. If your school/work becomes a parasite feeding on your personal life, it’s time to take stock and get things back in proper balance. I realize there are times when things or issues take over your life, but these should be for short seasons. If it establishes itself as a way of life, it's become a parasite and it's time for correction. Remember your priorities, and remember that time to yourself every day – even if it’s just 20 minutes – is essential for keeping you sharp and in balance to do your best at all you do. 

Learning time management skills. I was lucky to have a good instruction in one of my college freshman classes that made teaching time management skills her first priority of the semester. That lesson has helped me through all of life ever since. I’ve had some refresher courses and these are things that never change – if anything, they find more ways to save you time and help you be more productive with the time you have. Some examples of things you learn are how to group like tasks together, keeping a schedule and calendar, advance planning and preparation, and blocking out personal time. If you’ve never had a time management course and you don’t naturally have these skills, it’s worth your while  to fit it in your schedule. In fact, I’d put it on the “necessary for modern life” training list along with typing, computer/software training, and driver’s training. 

Keeping your home/car/office clean. What’s on the inside shows on the outside. I know that cleaning and organization take time, but it’s well worth it if you can find what you need without looking everywhere for it, or when you aren’t having sneezing fits from digging in a drawer or cabinet that’s full of three years worth of dust. Keeping your space clean is good for your mind, body and soul. Organization helps you to be more efficient and saves you time, and cleaning keeps you healthy by clearing out germs and things that can carry them or cause allergy and sinus problems. Plus, you just feel better mentally when things are neat and organized. Cleaning and organization doesn’t have to take a lot of time, either. Sure, you have to make the initial investment, but once you’ve done that then it’s maintenance. Put things back when you take them out, keep your systems going, and make Clorox wipes and your Swiffer mop and duster your new friends to keep things neat and tidy in a hurry. 

Staying on your medications. I know I’m going where angels fear to tread, but I feel it’s necessary to address this because it’s important.  I mean no offence, but it’s a simple fact that sometimes people get the impression that “I’m fine” and go off medication to save money, or because they don’t like the side effects. Don’t do it. Your doctor put you on medication to help you lead a normal, balanced life, and cutting that off will throw whatever needs fixing out of whack again. And yes, people can tell if you go off them too, because it shows in ways that you don’t notice, so don’t think you’re so clever that you can hide it. Your family, friends, and colleagues don’t believe that your sniffling and sneezing is “just an allergy attack,” that your frequent restroom visits are “something that didn’t agree with me for lunch,” or that your frantic hustling around the office and losing your temper is “just stress and a bad day,” especially when it goes on for a week. People might be dumb, but it’s never in a way that’s convenient. The one thing that smart and dumb have in common is that they always show at times that are darned inconvenient and frequently embarrassing for you. Plus, you will get sick and need it again all too soon. Someone once told me that stopping your medication because you feel better is like cancelling your pest control service because you don't see bugs anymore: you don't see the bugs because the pest control works, and you don't feel bad because the medicine works. Don’t play that game. Maintenance medications are a blessing that everybody should take advantage of. You don’t have to suffer and there’s absolutely no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed about needing it – in fact, if you take it regularly and the dosage is right, then nobody will know you’re on it at all unless you choose to tell them! Do yourself and others a favor and take your medication. If you have trouble paying for it or the side effects don’t go away in time, talk to your doctor about adjusting your dosage. Let them do their job by keeping you well so you can do your job of serving the world through whatever you do with good health and a clear mind. 

I’m sure there are many more tips and tricks for making life easier when life gets busy, but these are good, basic things to help you get started. So don’t fear that date circled in red on the calendar. This too shall pass, and if you work wisely and efficiently then it will pass with as little pain and suffering as possible. 

That’s all today. Take care and have a good rest of the week. 

Bye!

There are some phrases in widespread, common use that seem to be universal hot buttons to piss people off. Really, I don’t understand how it became commonplace for people to say things that erode the very respect that relationships are built on, and yet I hear people say it – and complain about having these things said to them – frequently. 

Certainly, we should always be honest and authentic in our dealings with people, but discernment is an absolute necessity in our dealings with ALL people. Just because it flies through your brain doesn’t mean it needs to fly out of your mouth, and in fact there are many times when it’s best to keep that thought in your head and fake it till you make it with your words (or silence, depending on the situation). For example, here are some phrases you should eliminate (or at least, drastically reduce) in your vocabulary that will garner more respect, motivate people to cooperate and work well with you, and make you appear more intelligent and savvy:

1.   “Whatever.” Nothing coveys the ignorant-inconsiderate-jerk trifecta like this one word phrase. You have the entire English language at your disposal and that’s all you’ve got? If it is, then it’s time to recognize the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, the best course of action is to gracefully back away and let silence be golden. And if you refuse to exercise the right to remain silent, then a simple “I hope that works out for you and wish you luck” is much more dignified than throwing out something that makes you look like a cross between an immature tween and a person that’s learning English as a second language -  and isn’t quite getting it.

2.    “Do what you’ve got to do.” I don’t hear this one as much as I used to, but it’s still out there, and it’s a sin for the same reasons as “whatever.” More accurately, that’s redneck for “I don’t like what you’re doing and would move Heaven and Earth to stop you, but that would reveal me as a selfish jerk to the rest of the world and I don’t want to do that, so go on and get this over with so you can get back to doing things that make me happy.” It isn’t your job to like or even understand everything that other people do, so let go and accept that people have a right to lead their lives, do things, and make decisions that work best for them regardless of what you say, think, or need. Instead, say “I understand this is important to you.” Even if you don’t and you hope it blows up in their face, just fake it and at least acknowledge their right to live as they see fit.  Because I guarantee you’ve done things that made them go “Hmmm” in the past . Plus,  if you want people to stay interested in your life, then you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and their life, even if you don’t care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. 

3.   “That’s not my problem.” I stand back when people say this because it’s an open invitation for the universe to hit you with its best shot, and that’s a challenge it ALWAYS accepts. Sure, you aren’t responsible for every single thing that happens in the world, and there are some things that aren’t your business, but have some dignity in declining to accept responsibility that you feel isn’t yours. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that” is much more gracious and doesn’t invite fate, the universe, the world, or whatever you wish to call it to deliver an entirely new batch of problems into your life. Fake sympathy for the other persons’ plight even if you don’t really feel it because you WILL be at the receiving end of this one day, and the measure you get will be the measure you’ve given. It happens to us all.

4.  “You don’t really want that,” or “Stop wasting your time on that and do this instead.” Excuse me, when did God appoint you to His position, because that’s what it looks like you’re playing at with either variation of this. You have no way of knowing what’s in other peoples’ hearts or what plans are in store for them, and they aren’t required to get your approval for it, either. People have a right to make their own decisions. You never know what might happen and statements like this may very well make a fool of you one day. Don’t take a chance. 

5.  “I told you so.” Even if you preface it with the I-hate-to-say-it-but clause, it’s still ridiculous because they already know. Demonstrate some maturity and don’t gloat over somebody’s failings, even if they asked for it and everybody knew it was foolishness from the start. As I said in the last statement, people have a right to make their own decisions and that means having the grace to let them make their own mistakes. Pray they’ve learned from the experience, and don’t gloat lest you wander into folly someday. Because none of us are as smart as we think we are. 
 
6.    “ I did that too, and let me tell you how I did it better.” Nobody likes a know-it-all or a show off, and a constant need to one-up people blinks “I’m insecure!” brighter than a digital billboard. You don’t have to be in the spotlight every minute of every day. Back down and let others have their day in the sun every now and then. Because we all know that nobody’s done everything under the sun, and there will always be people out there that have done it bigger, better and more recently than you have. Let go of the competition to always be #1 and learn to be happy with the life the Lord gave you.

7.   “If I were you, I’d …” Turn off anybody that prefaces a statement with this immediately, because it’s a clear sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about. Wisdom gives options. Experience shares insight. Ignorance says that if they were you, they’d go out and kick the world in the you-know-where, and that’s most often foolishness that would make a bigger mess of things if anybody were dumb enough to take this advice. Plus, they wouldn’t have the guts to actually do it, because some people are good at telling people to do things they wouldn’t dare do themselves.

8.     “You should make them do it.” Guess what? Scientists have found the center of the universe and it’s not you. That’s the fastest way to run a person out of your life. You don’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do, and if you try to then trust me – you’re ego can’t handle what they really think about you. If you have to control someone every minute to “keep them in line,” then you’re trying to force them into a place or relationship where they don’t belong. Don’t beg people to be your friend or try to force them to your will. Pray for what Joyce Meyer refers to as “divine connections.” Those are friends and acquaintances that you get along with so well that you don’t want to change them because you appreciate how their uniqueness enriches your life. 

9.     “I would NEVER do that/accept that/put up with that.” Never say never or the Lord will make you do it to show you who the boss really is. One never in your life that’s absolute: you never know what life has in store for you. Someday you could well be dining on crow while dealing with something that you thought you were too smart/special/good for. Life has a way of humbling us, and the “I would never” statements are a GPS on how to get that done. 

10.   Anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you and your family” at a visitation or funeral. Anything else sounds stupid and believe me, there’s nothing clever or inspirational you can say that will get through people in the depths of grief. The dumbest things I’ve ever heard have all been said at visitations and/or funerals because people try to justify death and offer comfort in religious platitudes. Folks, I’m Christian too, but this isn’t seminary or time to play preacher. I remember what C.S. Lewis wrote about death not being natural because human beings weren’t created to die and it’s the most painful consequence that we pay for sin. He’s absolutely right. There’s nothing right about death and there’s no way to wrap it up in pretty phrases or platitudes that makes it suck less. So give it up. Don’t engage in conversations with the bereaved if they try to start one, either. This isn’t the time or place to engage in theological discussions, discuss anything beyond condolences for the loss (no gossip or “what’s up with me” statements), and it certainly isn’t appropriate to leverage your personality or make a big impression. It’s a subdued occasion so dial it down, make an appearance, and for goodness sake, shut up.

Maybe you relate to some of this and are nodding, saying thank you for revealing it! Or maybe you see it as a calling out. I certainly don’t mean it that way, and I admit that I’m guilty of uttering some of these phrases. In fact, I  had to work at cutting the “whatever” and “I told you so” out of my vocabulary, and I get along with people so much better now that it’s gone. My point is not to say “shame on you.” It’s  to shed light on small things that chip away at trust and give guidance that I’ve learned in building bridges to cooperative relationships that last. It takes time and effort, but if modifying my vocabulary slightly will help with that, then it’s an effort worth making. I believe if you’ve read this far then you believe it’s a worthy effort, too.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 
 
Bye!

I'm off work today for Confederate Memorial Day. Believe me, we got plenty of flack when they started giving us that day off as a holiday. It was actually part of the compromise for removing the Confederate Flag from the State House dome. As part of the deal, the flag was moved, and Martin Luther King, Jr., day and Confederate Memorial Day were added as official State Holidays (but I think State Employees are the only ones that actually close their offices on this day).

I know it's obscure, but before you start squawking tell me: Would you refuse a day off? I won't. Not even on principle. Plus, honestly, I think they're required to give us so many holidays a year and I think we just ran out of the major ones, so we had to move on to secondary ones to get the extra day in.

Well, a day off's a day off, and I plan to enjoy it. It gives me a chance to get some little things done that usually sit until they pile up to the point where I have to make time for them. That's good. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that efficient time management is a must for a busy lifestyle.

That's a good point to ponder on this extra day off. Somebody asked me recently how on earth I find time to write with a full time job. The short answer is efficient time management. I'm lucky that I was taught that in college, and it's one of the skills I've found most useful in my life. It isn't always easy, but the truth is that we make time for things that are important to us, whether we realize it or not. Writing nights and weekends is the obvious answer, but I have to admit that I make a fair amount of progress by taking my laptop to work and writing on lunch breaks too. It's only an hour, but if I do that two times a week then it's the equivalent to another weeknight of work. And another secret is that I don't watch much TV.  I watch 3 shows during the fall season (Arrow, Supernatural, and The Americans - all come on the same night, so I can "block out" Wednesday nights for that), and 1 show during the summer (Breaking Bad). I look up news and weather online so I don't have to watch it on TV. And yes, occasionally I do forego recreation to get writing done. I've passed on watching football games, lunches out, and shopping or "hanging out" on days off like today to write. And I have to humbly admit that I even write on sick days, if possible. One reason I made good progress on my novella this week was because I was sick with a virus Monday, but I drug myself out of bed and wrote a chapter anyway.  It isn't always easy, but with some planning you can make time for things.

I tell you, a busy life is a blessing. It's a life of abundance, but you have to manage it wisely to experience and enjoy it to the fullest.

Speaking of the novella, it has a name now - Incursion. It looks like it going to be 10 chapters with a prologue and epilogue. I know the pros recommend against prologues and epilogues, but I like it and that's my style. If people like the piece then they'll read it. Plus, I endeavor to keep them short. To me, they're the bookends of the story and I'm not going to abandon them just because it isn't popular. Platform shoes went out of style after the 70's, but darn if I don't see women wearing those atrocities again all the time. So there. Style is a poor reason to change something that works for you. Or to do something that doesn't work.

Anyway, I've written 5 chapters so far, which is excellent progress. More than I expected at this point, really. But alas, I did push myself to make this progress and my wrists are achey, so once I complete this entry then I do plan to take a break from the keyboard for the rest of today and tomorrow. You have to balance the planning and time management with common sense, and I won't make any progress at all if I push it too far with my wrist. So given my good progress this week, I'm using today to spend time with other people and things that I wish to nurture in  my life. Like hanging out with the birds, tending my roses, and having lunch with Mom. A day off is a rare gift, and I want to enjoy it to the fullest.

That's all today. I hope you have a Happy Friday and that the mom's out there have a good Mother's Day.

Bye!

It’s been one of those weeks where it seems like every question is a hard one, and unfortunately I’ve been designated as the “go to” person for those thorny questions that just don’t have a clear answer. I’m not sure how I got this honor. People say I’m smart, but I think it might have more to do with the fact that I’m not afraid to make up an answer if “I don’t know” won’t do. And of course, it often won’t. Hence, my inventive instincts kick in and alas, the unanswerable continues to come to me for an answer. I don’t know why others aren’t comfortable taking what they know and extrapolating an answer. Maybe it’s my personality. Or maybe it’s because I’m not afraid to do it. 

Still, despite my creative instincts, there are still some things that I just don’t get. Don’t call me a “know it all” yet people, because I don’t understand:

1.      Why charisma wins popularity but integrity isolates. I know people swarming with friends that don’t do anything for anybody but the almighty “I” and others that give and give, and people tell them it’s never good enough. Real story: I can tell you of instances when I took off work to go to funerals or to visit people when they were sick. “Thanks!” they said, but once they recovered I was relegated back to my place on the Christmas card list while they ran right back to their buddies that were too busy and couldn’t be bothered with “using their leave like that” or dropping a card in the mail. Why was my time out not good enough but their casual “oh, sorry for your loss” when you went back to work okay?

 2.     Why is it fine for some people to “be like that” but others need to get their act together. This harkens to my last entry about how it seems people like some people and their problems more than other people and their problems. An undependable person that you can’t trust to show up when they say they will is thought of as a “swell guy” because he has that charisma and can light up a room with cheerful banter. “Yea he’s not dependable, but that’s just him!” People say. But his shy neighbor that always shows up when he’s needed is “shady” because “I just don’t know if I can trust him. He really needs to be more open and honest with people.” I tell you; it seems that character doesn’t matter anymore. Why doesn't "swell guy" need to clean up his act and keep his word? And better yet, why do people get angry and defensive if you even hint at such a thing? It seems to me like people pick their friends arbitrarily and they won’t get facts get in the way of what they want to believe.

3.      What's up with cliques?  Why, people? They’re useless. You don’t have to be in one to have friends. I know because I’m not a group or clique person and I get along with people just fine. In fact, if I ask people questions then they usually tell me things because they know I’m not going to gossip or use it to create drama. Which brings me to my next item …

 4.      Gossip and drama. OMG. Why even bother? I have enough to deal with without having drama stirred up by people being sensitive and/no nosy. As the saying goes, nobody’s got time for that. At least I don’t.

5.      Why are we quick to assume the worst of those we know and the best of strangers? Some people do. Here’s a recent conversation I had:

 Them: “There was a bag in my yard this morning! Why would my neighbor throw their trash in my yard?”

 Me: “You saw them do it? Why didn’t you ask them about it?”

Them: “No! I mean, it was between our houses. Do you think they pushed it on my side?”

 Me: “So you’ve counted out that a stranger driving by might have thrown it out of their car and it blew into your yard?”

 Them: “Oh. I didn’t think about that.” Pause. “Could that happen?”

 Me: “I’ve seen bags blow in my yard a lot and its windy out today. But hey, you know your neighbor. If you think they did it …”

 Them: “No! They probably wouldn't ... I mean, it probably blew in my yard.”
 
Why were they quick to blame the neighbor and count out a stranger being an igit? I don’t know. And yet, this is a small example of what I see often. People are harsh with those they claim to love and will grant eternity’s grace to strangers. It seems to me it should be the other way around: suspect the stranger, assume the best of the inner circles. But who am I to say? It seems human nature is drifting toward assuming the worst in a lot of cases. We see nefarious intentions everywhere. 
  
6.      The weatherman can be wrong 50% of the time (or more) and keep a job. Could you keep your job with a record like that?


7.      Why does everybody want Friday off? Friday is my easy, catch up day because of staff shortages and slower calls/emails/mail. I want Monday off. That’s the day everybody comes back and it hits the fan.

 8.      Yield signs. I saw somebody stop at one a week ago for the first time in I can’t remember when. People ignore them. We need to replace them with Stop signs. 

9.    Wearing a watch on an airplane when you’re crossing time zones. I learned the futility of this when I went to Arizona. I think I was the only one on the plane wearing one. And yet, I was pestered to death. “What time is it in Charlotte? How long have we been in the air? How much longer till we land?” Why ask me these questions? The watch doesn’t control time and its ability to tell it was compromised. Next time, I don’t wear it or hide it in my carry on. Geeze.


10.  Why do thermostats even have settings below 70 degrees or over 75 degrees? You know people get uncomfortable at temperatures outside that range. Choices, schmoices. Build HVAC systems for reality, folks!

 And finally:

11.  Why is everybody wearing yellow today? I’ll wear my new yellow shirt, I thought this morning. Then I got here and saw about 10 people coming in wearing yellow. What’s up with that?
 
I don’t know. These are some of life’s questions that I can’t even hazard a guess. So I suppose my inventive instincts aren’t that sharp after all. But maybe they do still work to a degree, because the beauty of being a writer is that I can pass the questions I can’t answer on to you, the reader, and let you be the judge. Heh heh heh. 
 
That’s all today. Happy Friday to you. Have a great weekend.  

Bye!

I think what I really need is to cut my life back to basics and take stock of what I have and how to best nurture the things most important to me.

Fall is naturally the busiest time of year for me, and coiencidentally it's when people want to "get together" the most too. Football season is usually the excuse for this - "let's get together to watch the game!" And I've been a social butterfly these past couple of months and participated in all sorts of gatherings, visits and get togethers.

But folks, this butterfly needs to retreat to her cocoon. No offence, but the Carolina's bye week didn't come soon enough for me this year. I need to sit out a few. The season is going on, but my "to do" list and my schedule don't get it. There are things I need to tend to around the house and with the technology committee at church. I know I said I was going to take a hiatus from my in-progress writing projects, but I really do want to get back to them with as few distractions as possible, and that means I need to put my nose to the grindstone and get things done now. And if you want me at my best during the busy holiday season, well, I need a break.

I mean no offence, of course. I just need some time to myself every now and then to catch up, rest up, take stock, and move on. I need to recharge my batteries and right now I'm running low. I've come to the conclusion that I must be an anomoly, because this seems to be a need that not many other people have. Other than my family, only Rick and one other person has admitted to needing time to themselves. It seems others actually clamor to fill those empty spaces in their lives to the point where there's no quiet, no hiatus, no opportunities to simply "be" and exist in communion with the Lord and the world. Doing, doing, doing. Well, I admire their energy and their tireless dedication to their social schedule, but I'm not afraid I can't operate like that. My life is very full right now and all the "blessings" keep me quite busy. It can be a challenge to find those moments and days with an empty spot on the calender. And they aren't usually give, so it looks like I'm going to have to take them.

I'm burned out. I need to clear off my plate to I can be true to my priorities and focus on what really matters - not on what the world says should matter.

So I'm starting today. I'm sitting out the USC-Florida game. I know, it's a big one and how could I. It's simple, really. The need for quiet in my soul outweighs "the big game." As I said, I need some time to catch up on some stuff around the house and with church so I'll be free to resume work on Move next month when I end my writing hiatus, and what better time than by focusing on that while the rest of the world (around here) is tuned into the big game. Plus, I still have Feathered Frenzy to finish, and I already have an idea for my next writing project which is a novella I hope to start in 2013. And promotion work on my already published works never ends. So there's lots to do there and I really need to get focused and get back to work on my writing soon, and taking care of the other things on my plate will really help with that.

I know life won't always be like this. I'm quitting volunteer activities in 2013, so I won't have to make decisions based on things like this soon. That was another decision I made this week. I need fewer meetings in my life and the truth is that I need to focus my time away from work on home, family and writing and that doesn't leave time for much else. I wanted to be more involved at church, and I will certainly continue to be a greeter and help with activities as I can, but I can't be bound to a committee anymore. It just doesn't work in my busy life.

As for the rest - well, eventually I'll retire from work, so that won't always be eating up most of my weekdays, but that's far away as I'm not even at the halfway point of my career. Frankly, I do have concerns about being bored if I didn't work, but those aren't concerns I need to ponder now or any time soon. Until then, it's the immovable object in my life and I have to work around it. Those aggrivations and annoyances aren't going to stop and I have to march on and do what must be done because it's my responsibilty and financial support, now and in the future. That's a reality for most people and it's something that should be easy to understand and respect.

Yes, life is busy, and sometimes it won't give you what you need so you have to take it. That's what I'm going to to today. Because if I don't take care of myself and my needs, then I'm not much good to anybody else, now am I?

That's all today. I hope you have a great weekend.

Bye!

I know you often hear that if something's important then you should make time for it, and I agreed with this philisophy until a couple of years ago. See, that's when my own life took off and I realized that sometimes, you  do have to let things go in your life, and it's not always an issue of not caring anymore. Rather, it's an issue of your life changing and being forced to make hard choices about how you're going to spend the 24 hour time limit you're given in a day.

The thing that made me realize this were changes in my own life. Over the past couple of years, my life has changed drastically. Oh, I used to have time for multiple hobbies. I wrote. I cross stitched. I did plant and veggie gardening. I read books. I watched television and movies. My life was my mid-level administrative job and after that, it was whatever I wanted.

Then we built a bigger house.

Then Rick was elected to a 3 year term on church council and I was asked to help with one committee and then, a few months later, a second committee.

The we bought a second parrot and a month later, adopted a budgie found at Rick's work - bringing us from a 1  bird house to a 3 bird house.

Then my job got transferred, and I was upgraded with more job duties.

Then my writing got published.

And it was at this point that my calendar was suddenly filling up and I found myself having to prioritize and make hard choices about what hobbies would stay and what would go. And sometimes, I find myself having to make those choices on a day to day basis.

It wasn't easy for me, but I came to realize that when you're in your 30's and 40's, your life is growing to maximum capacity. The seeds you sowed in your 20's are bearing fruit, and you have to decide what crops to maintain in order to have maximum growth of what you want most in life. Marriage, home, and family obviously come first. Your job has to come second - it's kind of mandatory, because that's supporting everything else. (And frankly, as much as I talk about a crammed schedule, I don't think I'd be a happy stay-at-home wife. I think the list of hobbies above show that I like to stay active.) After that is where you have to start making choices.

I recently discovered that I'm in a season of life where I'm going to have to pick the things I like best and dedicate what I can to them. My life will inevitably change someday and perhaps that will free me to experience more, but for now I know what I've got and I have to make active choices. Of course, I want my writing to continue to grow, so I'm going to spend most of  my free time on that. And writers need to read to stay up on the craft - reading
and writing go hand in hand. I like volunteering at church and while Rick is in  a leadership position we will be more actively engaged there. As for the rest, it's "at will." I cut back my gardening to just tending my 4 rose bushes, because I love roses and always want to have them around my home. I don't watch near as much TV as I used to - in fact, since I've been writing more novels, I've found that I typically watch 2 television shows a week, plus 1 or 2 movies with Rick. I think I recently figured that on a normal week when new episodes of my shows are on, I probably watch 4-6 hours of TV a week. That's right, a week. (Maybe more during football or baseball season, although I usually substitute the game for a movie.) And I haven't cross stitched in over a year. That was the toughest thing to set aside, because I enjoyed it - but the problem is that cross stitching is time consuming, and I'm more dedicated to growing as a writer than growing as a stitcher. I sincerely hope I'm able to resume this hobby one day. It's definitely one I put on hiatus temporarily, with the intention of taking it back up when that elusive "someday" rolls around that frees up more of my time for another  hobby.

It wasn't easy for me to come to this realization, but I believe it was necessary. And really, I believe this full life is a sign of a life bearing good fruit. I am truly blessed and I hope I am passing the blessing on to others by serving through my work, my writing, and my volunteer work. I'm busier than ever, but I'm also happier and feel I have more life satisfaction than ever, and it's good to see the fruits of my labor finally starting to bloom.

And as for my parked cross stitch needle - well, until we meet again, my friend. I plan to be back when the timing is right. Here's hoping it's sooner rather than later.

That's all today. I hope the rest of your week goes well.

Bye!