Category: Stress

And Yet ...

12/9/2013

... yesterday's entry reminds me to take a look in the mirror, and to be mindful of how my own behavior could contribute to how others act. Because I know I have my own moments when I'm not at my best. I get stressed, and frustrated, and lose my temper. That doesn't exactly help others to be at their best.

The truth is, I'm just like everybody else out there. I'm stressed. My schedule is chaotic. People are clingy that need to back off; people that need to hang around disappear; people that are supposed to be giving direction and guidance give the run around - we can't seem to get it right. It's misfires, miscommunications, and misunderstandings all around. Everybody has too much to do and too little time. I'm no better than the rest.

And yet, I want to do better myself. I want to handle things better. I want to be more patient, and understanding, and to handle the natural increases that come with the holiday season with more grace and fortitude than I have in the past. So what's the answer? How do you break the pattern?

I picked up one of my C.S. Lewis books a few minutes ago, and read something that might be helpful. It said that when we say The Lord's Prayer, our addressing God as "our Father" is "dressing up as Christ." We're called to be more Christlike, so the way we're advised to achieve that is to get in the role - even though our faults and fobilies make us woefully inadequate to even dare to step into this role - so we can learn to rise to it. We're commanded to act the part. This isn't "fake it till you make it" mentality, but rather, stretching ourselves to achieve above and beyond our current capacity so we can rise to a higher level, as the Lord helps and guides us.

So, if I want to be more patient when things are hectic, then I need to take a deep breath and act like I'm still holding it together, even if I really feel like smashing the telephone with a hammer if it rings ONE MORE TIME. It means continuing to ask relevant questions when people are giving me the run around to encourage them to open up, instead of telling them to get their crap together. It means encouraging people to find their gifts and to use them to become more independent instead of telling them to quit being a clingy pain in the rear. It means engaging in "prayer without ceasing," which means to lift up my burdens instead of trying to plow them through my own.

I said yesterday that I found people could match me "attitude for attitude" when I called them on their wrongs. Obviously, that wasn't a good approach. Maybe this is a better way. So instead of driving like maniacs, losing our cool, honking horns, and popping off, why don't we try a better way? Why don't we take Lewis' advice and act like the better people we want to be? Really, why wait until January 1st to make new beginnings? The Lord's mercies are new every morning, and every day is a chance to start again. Let's start right, now, by acting like the people we want Santa Clause to believe we are ;)

Oh no, I'm not innocent. But I don't want to be guilty any more, either. I'm trying to do better; I really am. And there's no reason why we can't all do better this holiday season, with the Lord's help.

That's all today. Next entry, I'll pass along some fun, inexpensive gift ideas.

Bye!

If You Want Holiday Cheer ...

12/8/2013

A year ago, life avalanched on me. I had more on me than I could handle, and I really needed the help and support of people around me. I decided that if I asked someone to help me and they made good on the classic "if you ever need anything ..." admonition instead of making excuses, then I'd find a way to greatly bless them. I mean, I'd go out of my way and bend over backwards if they ever needed me.

I never had to make good on that offer on ANYBODY besides "the usual suspects." The tried and true people came through, but when I tested this on those outside the inner circle, they failed with filing colors. Apparently, the "if you ever need anything, just call me" is a polite blow off. But I heard an amusing and creative variety of excuses about how "oh, if I could if I would but I just CAN'T because I'm SO BUSY."'

I remember that today because in the past week, I've asked for help twice, and it's a rerun of last year. Nope, too busy. And people really aren't at their best, either. I've heard more fussing, complaining, and wisecracks over the past week than, well, last December. And it's everywhere. People are stressed, they know it, and they're going to let you hear all about it if you dare to get in their way.

For the most wonderful time of the year, people sure are miserable. I don't know if they mean to look that way, but that's what I see.

I know, having a tirade won't help. I tried that last year, and found people could match me attitude for attitude without missing a beat. So instead, I'll just say thank you. Why? Because it's given me the concept for the next novel I want to write after I finish Incursion in 2014. And this idea has so much potential that it could possibly spawn more than one creative work in the new year. It's really basic and nothing more than a theme right now, but I want my next story to be about someone that loses something very dear to them - perhaps more dear to them than they realized until it was going and couldn't be retrieved - because of laziness. They just couldn't be bothered to do what they should have done to keep it, and poof! It's gone and they can never get it back. It won't be a lost love story, but there are a lot of things that can be lost to atrophy - just being "too busy" (or rather, too lazy) to bother with it. And I think I'm going to find a lot in this concept.

So thank you for not having time for that. Now I'm going to start working on this concept of exactly what DOES happen when you misjudge what you need to have time for.

Thanks. And in the meantime, if people get an attitude with you then you can share the advice that Rick came up with earlier today: if you want holiday cheer, get your head out of your rear.

That's all today. Have a great week and be careful out there because if you aren't, well, people ain't got time for that!

Bye!

New Covers and Stuff

7/10/2013

Check out the awesome new cover for Move, courtesy of the brilliant artwork of Tatina Villa. I absolutely love it and highly recommend her to indie authors for their book covers. She's great to work with, she works fast, and her prices are very good! You can check out more of her great cover designs at Vila Designs. I found her on the Smashwords recommended list and I highly recommend her too!

Not only that, but I enrolled Move in the Smashwords Summer/Winter promotion. If you buy it there during the month of July, you can get it for half off - that's $1.50! Just go to Smashwords and enter coupon code SSW50 by midnight on July 31 to take advantage of the promotion. And best of all, you can download it in any ebook format there. So there's no excuse because you can get it for any ereader or computer.

It's some good news this week. I also made some much needed revisions to "Home" this week and have posted it to my writing portfolio at Writing.com .

So, of you've followed me on social media then you know another person in my work section resigned yesterday. I don't want any of you to misunderstand my frustration with this situation. I certainly understand that people have to do what they have to do to make their lives better. I would never blame anybody for taking advantage of an opportunity. My frustration comes from two places: First, after being totally and completely displaced three years ago when my job moved, some of the whining I hear over changes sounds like the girl that complained to me about having sinus drainage after I had just recovered from a stomach infection. A runny nose sounds whimpy when you've been on 3,000 milligrams of antibiotics for three weeks, and are in the middle of six weeks of treatment for the internal damage and inflammation the infection left behind. And frankly, some staffing rearrangements and reinterpretations of policies and procedures barely register a blip on my personal radar. But it's pulled the rug out from under some people. Good thing they weren't me three years ago. That was the Hammer of Thor smashing my life to smithereens. What would they have done?

So it's perspective. I see things very differently because of my experiences, and I'm sure my boldness also makes me more likely to stand (and respect those who do rise to it) more than those that take the exit route. But then again, there are also times when it's the better part of wisdom to walk away gracefully and stop fighting a hopeless battle. Who's to say what's right? Well, this is where the other part of the frustration comes in.

You are responsible for doing whatever's necessary to make your life better, but you also have to acknowledge an uncomfortable fact: if you make a major life change that forces other people to make changes to their own life that they didn't plan on, they're going to get pissed off. It's not jealousy, as some people accuse. It's justifiable anger at having their life changed by a decision made by another person. And frankly, it's not a battle you can win. This is a situation where it's 100% impossible to make all of the people happy. You aren't, and you have to live with the fact that some people are going to be mad at you for what you leave behind for them to deal with. What's more, they have a right to be mad. It's a natural response and it's best to let it play out. It's just one of those things that everybody has to deal with on their own and move on the best they can.

I do have faith that things will work out and in fact, I feel very hopeful that we're on the recovery side of all the transition and chaos that's rocked us these past few months. I know I've said many times that I haven't come this far to quit, fail, or give up, and I see signs that others aren't either. I'm seeing strength emerge and courage in the face of uncertainty, and that's a great encouragement to me. Right now, I see the small glimmers of opportunity that, if properly handled, will lead to the great blessings of tomorrow.

We'll get there. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week or even next month, but I see signs of progress. I'm straining to see it, but there's no doubt that it's there. And that's always a good thing. Let's keep our eyes open to those opportunities and we will reap in due season, if we do not lose faith.

That's all today. Have a great rest of the week.

Bye!

The Secret to Balance

2/7/2013

So how do you keep it all together? What's the secret to handling the complexity that is life? I believe you need one simple thing. It gives you something to keep you grounded. It gives you peace. It can help you keep it together when everything else is flying apart. It's the one thing that can help you keep your perspective when life gets crazy.

It's a hobby.

I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. We all need to have something in life that's our own; something that's ours and ours alone; something that nobody else in life can put their hands on. You need to have at least one thing in your life that you choose to have in your life. Something that isn't inherited, passed on, or pushed on you. Something that you choose for no reason other than the fact that it brings you joy. It's something that's uniquely you.

That's not to say you can only have one hobby. I have several: I like to write, read, cross stitch, hike, and growing roses. But I believe that if you're blessed with hobbies then naturally, one will rise above the rest, and this is the thing that is "your own." For me, it's writing. That's the thing I choose to have in my life. That's the thing that is uniquely mine and that nobody has a right to touch in my life. When I face tough times or stress, I know I have that one thing I can go to as an outlet to express myself. I love creating stories that reflect my life, and I hope that people who's passion is reading will connect with the stories I create and find an outlet through them.

We all need to have that one thing that is our own, and there's too much to choose from to even list them. What's important is that it's something that you enjoy and that allows you to have an opportunity to follow a passion, even if only for a little while. Something simple and fun that you do just for the joy of doing it.

Simple but true. One thing in your life that's all your own can make the difference between you getting the best of stress and stress getting the best of you.

That's all today. Happy Friday tomorrow and have a great weekend.

Bye!

Let it Be (or Mind Your Own Business!)

1/4/2013

As we head into a new year, I ponder my resolution to have better balance in my life on a number of levels. One of those (very important) levels is in the area of stress reduction and reducing worry in my life. I think these are things we all struggle with, and recently I've come to realize there's a great deal that we impose on ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships.

This realization came after having several people tell me things that other people said and/or did over the past few weeks and asked what I thought of it. I remembered that when I was under a therapist while going through my life changes a few years ago, one of the things she told me was that the secret to finding balance was realizing what was and wasn't my business. "You concern yourself with your responsibilities and what you control and let go of the things in the hands of others," she said. That's certainly true, and in fact remembering this advice upon being asked my opinion on these various situations and issues made me realize that people, in general, bring on a lot of their own stress by worrying about or fretting over things that other people think, say or do - things they have absolutely no control over.

Why do we do this? My first reaction was that it's arrogance. Frankly, we all have a tendency to beleive that everything is all about us - and that's wrong. The truth is that everything people think, say and do is all about THEM. It's a reflection of how they see the world. Even if they say that "others made me do it," the truth is that they made the decision on how to perceive things and on how to proceed. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. Plus, by nature, people are going to do what's best for them and the ones closest to them. Why should they do something that benefits you 100% and them none at all when you aren't the center of THEIR world?

So there's one reason, but I don't think that's all of it, nor the major portion. In fact, I think if that were the whole reason, then it would mean that people in general are extremely selfish and short sighted, and I don't believe that such a narrow view applies to most people most of the time. Some maybe, but absolutely not all. Maybe not most. And remember, I said there's some truth to this. Maybe it's a small part, but I don't think that's a "once size fits all" explanation for it. Most people learn, grow, and gain a wider perspective on the world and as such, they aren't so shallow.

I believe another reason is that we want everybody to like us. The problem is, I recently read that there was actually some scientific study that at least 10% of people aren't going to like you. Frankly, I was surprised the percentage was that low. I thought it would be closer to 30%, but the latest study I read said 10% so we'll run with that. Why is this? Plain and simple, personality differences. Some types just don't play well together. If you don't believe it, ask any extremely emotional person I've come in contact with and they'll tell you I'm mean and don't give a crap about their feelings. I am, by nature, a person that leans more toward logic and reason in making decisions than emotion. I usually don't get along well with extremely emotional types that "just want peace" and "want everybody happy right now" because I beleive happiness comes from investing the time and hard work to do things right no matter how you feel about it "right now." If you do what's right, then it will work out in the end, and that's a happiness that last; not a vapor of high emotion that wears off when the party is over and the consequences have to be paid. In fact, since I've been working in professional licensing, I'd say my tendency to make decisions based on logic and reason have become a stronger because by nature of my profession, I'm obligated to do what's right no matter how people feel about it. I don't think that's a bad thing (of course), but I've caught some flack about it because I'm female, and by stereotype I'm supposed to be all about feelings. While I'm ok to say "alright, forget the 10% and thank God for and enjoy the other 90%, well, some people get awfully fixated on that 10% and believe that if they work harder then they can get a 100% approval rating. It seems their effort would be better spent nurturing relationships with the other 90% but in fact, sometimes they turn on the ones on their side to gain approval they'll never have, counting on forgiveness from that 90% that might come, but not realizing that it will have a higher price than they bargained for because broken trust is a very hard thing to rebuild. But it happens, all the time. I've experienced it; I've seen it; I've written about it. Hey, I'm a writer. The ugly underside of humanity is a playground of inspiration. Expose it to me at your own risk.

Just kidding - maybe. And a sidenote on the emotion thing: I'm interested to see if the stereotype of "hysterical emotion" in women downplays as more generations of women have careers.Working women don't have time to fret over every little wayward comment, rolled eye, questionable social media post, tear or tirade that comes their way. Or at least, me and my colleagues don't. But we'll see as time tells this particular tale.

So there's that. But not all people are emotional and out for approval ratings that would make politicians jealous, so reason #2 can't apply to everybody. But it does apply to enough that I believe it should be considered.

There is one more reason, and I think it applies to most of us. I believe the reason people get tied up in what others think, say and do is because they don't want to be alone in how they think or feel. They want to know that others agree with them. They want others to have an opinion with them, or to get mad with them, or to be sad with them, or to take up the cause with them because they don't want to be the only freak swimming against the tide. They want to know they're like everybody else and what the other person is doing is wild/selfish/stupid/crazy/nonsense/whatever. They don't want to be alone in their opinion or feelings because they don't want to look in the mirror and ask "is it them, or is it me?" We all want to be right. We all want the world to understand that our opinion is just as important as everybody elses'. We all want respect. Nobody wants to be a nobody. They want people to know that they're here, that they have value, and that they are just as important as the other 7+ billion people in the world.

Here's the thing, though: Going about it by getting tangled up in other peoples' business is a sign of insecurity. If you truly walk in faith and you're confident in yourself as the authentic human being you were created to be, then you don't need to beg or scream for attention. You humbly go about your own business, believing that the life God set before and the purposes you serve speak for themselves.

That's the cure. That's how you break free from this stress. You get busy living your own life and tending to your own businss and have the grace to accept others and the decisions they make without intruding into their lives with your opinions.

Does this mean you ignore others and don't care what they do? Of course not. You should always do your best to help people in need and if there's something you can do to help others on their life path, you certainly should. The key is to use common sense and discernment. Yes, we all have opinions on things, but we don't need to share them all the time. Everything that flies through your head doesn't need to fly out of your mouth. If you aren't asked for your opinion or advice, assume it's not wanted or needed and keep it to yourself. I'd even go so far as to say that you should still use caution in giving advice even if you ARE asked for it. As one of the elves said in The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, "elves don't give advice because all paths may run ill." Think before you speak. If in doubt, don't. And realize that advice is a take it or leave it thing - and in many cases, people leave it, so be prepared to have your advice or opinion rejected just in case and be prepared to not get offended. And please, for the love of God, if it won't make any difference and you have a thought - don't. Stop right there and go no further. If it's done and/or there's no way it's changing no matter what anybody says and you really need to get it out, set up a private blog or buy a journal to work it out, but don't go off on tirades and complain to everybody in the world about things you can't control involving people close to you. And don't ask or expect people to take sides with you unless you want to do the equivalent of renting a billboard that says I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. It makes you look bad and it makes other people run like hell from you when they see you coming. If it's something so big that you can't live with it, find a way to either deal with it or distance yourself from the situation. Just because a war's going on doesn't mean you have to be a soldier in it. Other people might want you to have their problems, but they can't draft you. You don't have to accept them and if you choose not to accept their problems, well then, it's over.

The point of this mile long blog is that I'm coming to understand that balance is something that we have to strive for in every area of life, and personal relationships are certainly a big element there. We do live in the world, with people, so having good, balanced relationships is an extremely important thing. And one way we can achieve balance in our relationships is by not being a busybody, minding our own business, and having the grace to let it be.

Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I hope you had a Happy Friday and that you have a great weekend.

Bye!

Keeping It Together

12/9/2012

Rick and I made the somewhat unsettling realization today that time's up. Oh, there are 2 weekends before Christmas, but both of those weekends are full of plans. Time's up on the gift buying and holiday prep for us. From here on out, all we can do is ride it out - and squeeze in the last of the "to do's" on lunch hours or any other brief intervals that we find a break.

I think this is the case with a lot of people. The second week of December is when "crunch time" hits. People are in a hustle to get things done, everything piles up, and stress levels skyrocket to astronomical levels. I look for a lot of traffic and accidents on the Interstates as people hustle to get those loose ends tied up before gearing up for those holiday festivities, be it last minute meetings, a hustle to knock out the shopping, rushing to holiday parties, or making preparations or travel arrangements for family gatherings. No doubt, some will hold out until the last minute, hoping for a Christmas miracle that seems to elude them every year but for some reason they believe this will be the year it works (or they believe that Mayan Doomsday crap and think the world is gonna end before Christmas, so why bother?).

I'm right in there in the thick of it with you, folks, and I'm here today to share some tips I've learned from 37 years of Christmases to help you manage that load and get things done without anxiety attacks, pulling hair, or drinking an entire liquor store. This year instead of panicing, why don't you try:

1.    Letting go of unnecessary things. Is there something in your life that you can put on hiatus until January? If so, put it on hold.I usually don't work on new writing projects during the month of December. It's just too frustrating to try to hammer writing time into my schedule when it's already packed with so many other things. I still do promotional things for my published works, but that's not as time consuming as writing, rewrites, edits, proofreads, etc. Are there any projects or volunteer activities that you can shelve for a month? It might be worth it to free up your schedule - and your mind.

2.     Making plans, not excuses. I know some people who spend so much time making excuses for not doing what they're supposed to do that they could have just gotten it done in less time. What a waste. Stop procrastinating and rehearsing excuses for why things didn't get done. Take some time to sit down with your schedule, make a list of what needs to be done, and organize a schedule to do as much as you reasonably can. This is actually how I manage my "to do" list. It's amazing how quickly you can knock that list out if you commit to doing 2 things on it a day, and take advantage of open time that you find.

3.   Taking occasional breaks. Don't jam pack your schedule. Have at least 30 minutes to an hour a day that's free for you to do what you please. You're going to burn out if you don't have some time each day to relax and recharge your batteries. Likewise, plan some activities you enjoy in there, even if they don't have anything to do with the holidays. Rick and I, for example, already have our tickets to see The Hobbit next Saturday. That's going to be our break from the work/home/family/friends/volunteer/whateverelseneedsourattention demands of life next weekend.

4.    Getting enough sleep. A lot of people tout the benefits of getting up extra early or staying up late to get things done, when there are fewer distractions. I've found that this might be beneficial every once in a while, but as a regular part of life it's counterproductive. You aren't as effective if you're tired, and you get more done if you're well rested and energetic. Likewise, it's better for your health because skimping on sleep actually makes you more prone to catching illnesses (and plenty are going around). Go to bed on time every night and get up on time every morning. Keeping a steady daily schedule is the best thing you can do. I've found that I get much more accomplished during the day if I get my 7-8 hours of sleep every night.

5.     Rewarding yourself for accomplishments. I know time and money are tight this time of year, but try to find ways to reward yourself for getting major things done every now and then. Buy yourself a little something when you finish the holiday shopping that you're sure nobody else will get you. Take a couple of hours off to read, engage in a hobby, play a game, or watch TV when you get the Christmas cards written. Take time out to surf online media or call a friend when you get the house cleaned. Take a break at work when you get a major thing wrapped up to take a short walk. Find small ways to reward youself for a job well done and you'll find yourself motivated to stay the course and cross the finish line to a great holiday.

Yes, it's crunch time folks, but that doesn't mean we have to be crushed under the weight of all that needs to be done. With some self-discipline and planning we'll make it. Because Christmas is coming on December 25 whether you're ready or not. The best way to be ready when it arrives is to prepare and work steadily toward the goals for that day ahead of time.

That's all today. Take care and I hope you have a great start to the new week.

Bye!

Don't Flinch (A Holiday Stress Solution)

11/28/2012

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! When the people are stressing and everyone’s venting and fretting their fears!

I don’t mean to sound cynical. The truth is that I really do enjoy the holidays. The problem is that people tend to lose their patience a bit faster this time of year. Packed schedules, gift buying conundrums, shorter days and increased traffic generally lead to shorter fuses, frayed nerves, and a general increase in spontaneous
outbursts. Not only that, but people that suffer with anxiety and depression disorders typically have extra struggles this time of year, as we go into colder weather, shorter days, heightened stress, and being forced to deal with family and friend issues that we successfully dodge the other 11 months of the year.

Might as well throw it out there, eh? Well, I see no reason to around the issue. Look at the pink elephant in the room, everybody! Seriously, I know we love our families and friends, but we get frustrated with them too. And
if it isn’t your own then it’s in-laws, out-laws, nosy neighbors, toxic friends, annoying colleagues, drama queens, and those distant branches you’d really like to prune from the tree altogether but can’t because the Lord has put them in your life to rub off your raw edges and you can’t get away no matter how hard you’ve tried. And you probably have run from them screaming on countless occasions, just to have them come back for another round of fun and shenanagins.

I touched on this recently in a blog entry about feeling like peoples’ intake valve. A good look around showed me that I’m not alone. It’s getting to everybody. And geeze, Thanksgiving was early, so we have an extra week of it to enjoy this year.

Truth be told, it is a lot for even the most stable, well balanced individual to deal with. I know my life is busy enough on a normal basis, so adding Christmas shopping, parties, and increased get-togethers can stretch me a bit thin. I try to keep it in balance, but sometimes that turns in to a juggling act and for a klutz like me, that can be something.

It seems to me that life is a lot like a jack-in-the-box. You’ll be bopping along to your merry little tune, and suddenly somebody or something will get in your face. It scares the hell out of you. And those clowns seem to
jump at us more this time of year than any other.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 37 years roaming this earth, it’s that you have to learn to find and hold on to your own peace. If you’re doing your best, then there’s no point in stressing or worrying about things. In addition, you shouldn’t volunteer to take on other peoples’ problems either. People will try to push their problems on you, but you don’t have to accept it. You can support them. You can listen to them. If there’s anything you
can do to help, by all means do. But learn that you can’t move Heaven and earth, and if that’s what it takes to make the world happy, well, they’re SOL and that’s it. Be ok with imperfection. Learn to accept your best and make it clear that others in your life need to learn to accept it or find the door. And by all means, when those clowns pop in your face, don’t flinch.

That’s the real secret – it’s being grounded in right things and insisting on holding on to your peace and joy no matter what life throws at you. Whatever people say or do, whatever happens, whatever situations you face, believe that you have what you need to get through and that all things will work together for good. It takes
some work to do this, but inner peace is something that only you can find, and you must defend it from the attacks that will always come.

So this holiday season, claim your peace. Find your balance. Accept your best. And don’t flinch.

That’s all today. Next time, I’ll share my “poinsettia delimma” with you. And if you think the jack-in-the-box analogy was something, wait until you hear my “cheeseburger basket and a drive by wave” theory. For now, enjoy this video sure to put you in the holiday spirit - an oldie but a goodie.

Bye!

The Nature of Things

11/25/2012

Is change. Life is always in motion, and if there's one thing we can bet on, it's that nothing stays the same forever.

This is the season where this truth seems to really hit us. It's when the families are gathering around the table and the decorations come out of the attic. All those memory triggers of holidays past reminds us of how things aren't what they used to be - and makes us wonder how much longer they will stay as they are. Memories of times gone by can make this season happier by discovering the richness of what we've developed in life, or sad when we consider what's lost. A lot is a matter of perspective. We all face growth and loss. It can be a tough emotional rollar coaster to deal with the satisfaction of great accomplishments mixed with the grief of those not here to celebrate with you.

All of this makes the holidays a complex time. Some people are better with dealing with change than others. There are those that adapt, adjust, and roll along, just happy to be where they are. And there are others that have a very hard time dealing with change and fight tooth and nail to keep things the same, even though it's apparant that the "old ways" won't work anymore. Invariably, it seems those types will be mixed within the same friend and/or family group. Oh, the cell phone conversations I overhear this time of the year!

I did a blog series last year on surviving the holidays and I believe the one key thing I kept coming back to was that if you're doing your best, then be satisfied with it. Other people have two choices: Take it or leave it. People may gripe (naturally), but in the end they usually settle down and decide the holidays will be merrier if they choose the path of acceptance over the path of resistance. In most cases, anyway (that's not to say there aren't some that thrive on conflict, but that is an issue I addressed in my blog series earlier this year on villians - I believe it was around Easter).

I'll add one more lesson I've discovered of late. You can't let other people or situations bother you. They're going to do what they're going to do, and it's a waste of emotional energy to let it fly all over you and go into a tizzy over. Likewise with situations - there are so many things you can't control, and to worry about it is a merry-go-round of defeat. Deal with situations the best way you can and move on. I recently realized that I wasted a great deal of time and emotional energy complaining and fretting over what other people do, and it's a 100% waste. They're gonna do what they're gonna do, and they aren't changing for anybody. So deal with them and the situations that come up in life the best you can, and move on. Worry, fussing, and fretting get you nowhere - it's action that counts. So spend your time thinking, reflecting and acting on what is, plan wisely, and trust that things will work out, or that you will know how to deal if a wrench flies into your plans.

Sometimes making the best of the holidays requires changing the way we think about things, and that can be hard. In fact, I believe that changing the way you think is the hardest thing you can do.But it can be done. I can tell you that from experience. I can also tell you that while it's hard, it's well worth it. Changing your life starts with changing how you think, and this holiday season might be the perfect time to make an early resolution that you aren't going to be consumed with stress, anxiety, grief, anguish, or fear over making it the perfect holiday. In fact, let's make Change #1 right now: Don't try to make it perfect. We live in an imperfect world, and an expectation like that will fail. Make it the best you can and decide you'll be happy with it.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and that those of you on the road home today have safe travels. Here's hoping you have a good week, and welcome to the 2012 Holiday Season!

Bye!

Being An Idjit Doesn't Help

10/18/2012

Since my last blog entry got a lot of views, I thought I'd expound on it a bit more. It seems to me that people are testy and rude these days. I know that life gets busier in the fall - school starts back up and it seems that everything else cranks into high gear this time of year. I can certainly say that the fall tends to be my busiest season, personally and professionally.

Another thing happening is that a lot of people are going through transitions right now. For example, we're in between pastors at church right now, and that's a common scenario as it seems there's been a lot of turnover with churches in our area lately. I've also heard people say they've experienced changes in their jobs due to staffing issues or other administrative decisions that have been made.

Still one more thing I'm seeing a lot of is people getting sick, and having a hard time getting better. A lot seems to be going around, and no doubt stress over it being a busier time contributes to difficulties kicking the nasties out of your system.

Folks, I get it. I really do. My iPhone calendar looks like it has chicken pox with all the dots on my schedule. I live by my reminder app more than I care for. I too have struggled with sinus problems/infections and now Rick has a virus and I wonder if it's not making it's way to me. And transitions - oh, I feel your pain. My upcoming novel, Splinter, was born of frustration over a transition in my life a while back that was very nearly more than I could take. So I do get it. But having been there, done that, and singing verse one thousand of this same old song, I can tell you one thing:

Being an idjit doesn't help.

Seriously. Stress is understandable and it's natural to get frustrated, but being mean and rude to people because you're out of patience and don't want to expend the extra energy on at least acting civil just makes it harder. In fact, it creates more problems. When you get snappy, people that might have helped you are no longer inclined to do so, and in fact they might choose to get back at you by sabatoging you or doing things that they know will make life more difficult.

Don't ask for it. And don't assume that you won't have to deal with people again, either. True story: One time early in my career, I transferred between divisions in my office. Thought I'd never see those folks from the old office again. Well, lo and behond, they consolidated two years later and every one of my former co-workers moved right in with me. I was very glad I didn't burn any bridges there! And it can happen anytime.

When I was a child, my granddaddy always told me that what goes around ALWAYS comes around. He said nothing goes unrewarded - or unpunished. "Watch your actions and words," he would tell me, "because they will come back to you. Even if you forget them, they still come back. And sometimes it takes a while but it always happens." It's a Biblical concept from Galatians 6:7 and by golly, I can't count how many times I've seen the truth of his words. Granddaddy was right and had a healthy respect for this universal truth. The problem is, too many people close their eyes to it and even when it happens, they're blind because they don't want to acknowledge that perhaps things went wrong because they were mean, or made a bad decision, or were just an idjit.

You don't really get away with anything. You may think you do. It may seem like you do. But you don't, not really. It hunts you down and gets you, many times when you least expect it. Whether you see it for what it is or not.

My point is that life is hard sometimes, but acting with discernment and widsom will help you get through those tough seasons faster and better. It won't be easy, but it will be easier than doing it the hard way by freaking out, or being mean, or rude, or shutting down. It's hard, but it's worth it.

So yes, I feel your pain. I certainly understand. But there's no excuse for being an idiot. So just don't do it and things will be alright. At least, it's easier for people to have patience and compassion for you when you act like a civilized, dignified human being - even if you don't feel like it.

That's all for today. Happy Friday tomorrow. I hope you have a great weekend.

Bye!

The Shadow Within Me

6/16/2012

Ok, if you've seen my Twitter and Facebook posts this past week then you know that it wasn't exactly the best week of my life. It was stressful - too much going on with everybody wanting a piece of me and not enough of me to go around. Not pretty. And, of course, we all have our limits and I hit it Thursday. The shadow within me came out, and, well, that dark side came out.

Folks, this is the stuff my novels are made of. I daresay that this shadow is probably what inspires a lot of art and creativity in this world. And frankly, I think it's a shame that this is the very thing so many people try to deny, bury, and hide from the world because it just scares people and, well, we fear what we don't understand. That's a shame, really, because I think that understanding ourselves at our worst is the only way we learn how to be better people. Unfortunately, most people don't agree with me on that point. In fact, I'd say this is the #1 reason why I left Christian writing and switched to fiction. Folks in the Christian end of the publishing industry thought my views were "too postmodern" and thought such darkness should never be exposed, much less brought to the light of day. But put that in the setting of a mystery or sci-fi novel, and they eat it up. I was recently laughing with my husband and mother over the irony of getting a publishing contract for Splinter. That I was so angry with the world at one point in time that I wrote a novel where I destroyed the planet shows something wasn't right in my head. That somebody said "yea, let's publish this and give it to the world," shows that there are people that get that frustration, and relate to it. It seems it's all in how you package it.

But back to my point, which is that we all do have that dark side in us, and there are going to be times when we're pushed to revealing it. The world isn't going to be all unicorns and rainbows and there are going to be times when we've had enough. God himself got angry - just read The Bible and you'll see he got ticked to the point of sending His own people into 70 years of captivity! Of course He was also gracious and sent His son, but Jesus also got mad when he made a cord of whips and overturned moneychangers tables outside the Temple (which I think was pretty awesome of Him). So if the Creator of the Universe and His only Son got mad at the unfairness and injustice of the world, then why do we try to pretend we're better than our Maker by trying to shove our frustration in a corner and pretend that "it is well with my soul?" Man, I hate that song. It's such a filthy lie. You try to tell me that any old thing that happens and you'll calmly say "well, praise God" and go on sipping your coffee while the world is blowing up? I don't think so. You're gonna scream, cry, complain and wail at the world about the insanity of it all, just like the rest of us. I'll be the first to admit that it's not well with my soul and I've got problems, and so does everybody else. I'm almost 37 years old and I've NEVER seen anybody that well adjusted. And by the way, did I mention that I hate that song because I think it's a hedonistic deception? Yea, I call that bluff.

We're human beings and we can only take so much. When it gets to the point where you're stressed, taken for granted, and your needs aren't being met, it's going to get ugly. Frankly, I don't think there's anything wrong with that because it forces us to stop, take stock, and defend our right to have our own needs met. And knowing what pushes your buttons helps you to know yourself better, and to know what you need to do when those stressful times come around again so you'll know what you need to do to prevent such breakdowns, or to deal with them more effectively when it does happen. And when you know yourself well enough to realize these dark episodes will pass, you know what happens? You find that you're not put off when you see it in others. You might get frustrated, but you also have some grace and are able to forgive and just let it go, knowing this isn't their true personality and it's an extreme due to too much stress and too many unmet needs.

Now I'm not saying I excuse such things. Of course, we aren't excused from our behavior during such episodes and can and should be held responsible for our words and actions during these times. I'm saying that by realizing that it's in you and knowing what triggers it, you can figure out how to avoid such times as much as possible and handle them better when they do roll around. I'll be the first to say I'm not proud of many things I said over the past couple of days - but I also feel I handled it better than I did even 2 years ago, because I was better able to articulate the source of my frustrations and what I needed to get past them. And people responded too, with sympathy and compassion. My honest acceptance of this shadow and ability to admit it helped others to help me. And I hope I can return that favor to all of them the next time they face such trials.

So don't be too scared of that shadow. It's part of the balance in all of us and knowing the bad as well as the good can help us to be a better all-around person.

That's all today. Enjoy a video share for a song for days like that - and inspiration for a lot of my writing!

Bye!

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