Of course, there are two problems with being on the periphery. The first is that when you keep to yourself, there are people that are uncomfortable with your silence and make it their life mission to crack the nut that is you. The peril of this being is that they won't be prepared or able to handle what they find, and will make the wildest, craziest assumptions possible. Honestly, people have thought some things about me these past few months that made me wonder what planet they're from. I've said it before and I'll say it again - if you aren't used to weird out of me by now, you have an incredibly thick skull and I give up on you.

The second problem is that when you do finally peek your head back in, it's usually awkward. That, of course, being due to the insane assumptions people have made while you chose to graciously handle what was going on in your head quietly. They don't understand that you were actually granting them some grace by not dumping the mechanics of your thought/feeling process on them. Instead, you're antisocial, you're weird, you're strange, and they just don't get it.

I think it all goes back to the same fundamental problem: people are uncomfortable with grief, sadness, anger, and all of the emotions they label as "negative" that go with these major life shifts. There seems to be this expectation that if you can't dive back in the fray and be your old self in 3-10 days, then something's wrong. But actually, this points to an erroneous assumption on their part, because the truth is that peoples' patience for suffering usually has a short shelf life, and they come to a point where they want to gloss over it in 3-10 days so they can get back to better things and not be bothered by "bad feelings that drag them down." And the awkwardness they feel somehow gets projected onto you because, well, that's one of the most primal defense mechanisms and most people are really good at it. 

Frankly, I look at it from the other end of the glass. If you don't act weird and distant after something major happens, then I wonder if you're playing with a full deck. Because anything that changes your life forever (as in, you can't go back) should be a huge shift to your paradigm that takes time to process and integrate. There are some things that it's impossible to go back to your old self with. And that's ok. In fact, that's their purpose - to increase your strength and wisdom, and to make you a bigger, better person. If you crawl right back in the same old rut and don't show any signs of change, I'll suspect you're either faking normal, or you have something wrong in your own head. 

The trick I find myself handling now is discerning my own awkward from that of other people. I know for a fact that I'm not the same person I was a year or two ago, and I'm fine with that. I can learn how to handle the aspects of that coming from my own changes. But as for other people, there's not much I can do about that. They should know enough about who I really and truly am to understand how and why some things about me have changed, and that's an adjustment they'll have to make on their own. 

I just hope I've changed for the better.

That's all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend. 

Bye!

You may recall my mention of being skeptical of “popular people” in Shatterpoint, Chapter 5. Obviously, I’m what some refer to as a “square peg,” and today I’d like to dispel some misconceptions about those of us that don’t quite fit in. People get some funny ideas when you swim against the current, such as:

We aren’t radical non-conformists. We are aware of how we’re unique and accept how our life is different from others. The truth is that everybody’s life is unique. We just don’t fear what makes us different and in many cases, embrace the very things that people usually fear in themselves.

It’s not that we don’t care about others. It’s that we do realize what is and isn’t our business. People are going to think what they want to, so why worry about putting on pretense, masks, and “following the crowd?” The truth is that people have an innate sense for b.s., so you may as well give them something real to live with. They will respect you for being real whether they like what they say or not.

It’s not that we don’t like people. It’s that we value relationships more than anything else and protect them. Don’t mistake “loner” for “lonely.” We appreciate that relationships are about understanding and appreciating others for the unique individuals they are and not for what they can do for you. People aren’t objects to us, and we don’t believe in using them as tools. Our foundation is firm enough that we don’t need props, so we can stand on our own while we nurture and protect our relationships privately, which is completely proper, respectful, and appropriate.

It’s not that we’re judging you. It is that we’re too busy living our own life to get entangled in the drama and scandals that aren’t our concern. Just because you don’t know what we’re doing doesn’t mean we aren’t doing anything. Loners usually have very full lives, and they work hard to keep them in appropriate balance. We do want to offer help and support where we can, but we simply don’t have time to be pulled into created drama, games, or useless fluff, especially when it’s not our business. We choose to focus on what matters most and leave the rest of it alone. We have fewer opinions than most people realize.

It’s not that we’re trying to stand out by being different. It’s that we value independence and freedom. Life is a journey and we want to have the panoramic view, not tunnel vision. Anxiety over “what others might think” is a waste of time and does nothing but suck your joy away – in the end, you limit yourself for nothing. Following the crowd isn’t our thing; following The Spirit is. Joy isn’t found in the noise of expectation but in the quiet stillness of standing alone.

It’s not that we’re idealists. It’s that we’re more in touch with reality than you realize. We know that calling an apple an orange doesn’t make it so no matter how much better it makes others feel. Loners don’t have time for deception or defense mechanisms. We accept the world as it is; not as we want it to be. Because of that, we face things head on and learn from them while others continue to fight and struggle against the inevitable. We don’t fear the darkness; we simply move through it. That’s probably why we seem so tough,less bothered by things, and to adapt easier – and why you usually don’t worry about us while you’re falling apart.

The truth is that “square pegs” aren’t interested in being pounded into holes. We don’t see the world as a “Perfection” game where everything must be in it’s preconceived place but rather as the blessed, jumbled mess that pops up and throws things into more interesting , unexpected places. Our views may be unique, but they’re no less valid. If we want to avoid the noise and take the road less traveled, well, be thankful we’re out of your way. We aren’t interested in turning over systems or rocking the boat. We simply want to row our own boat wherever we please. Give us grace to be ourselves, and we’ll give you grace to follow whatever crowd, trend, or frenzy you please. Who know? If it looks interesting, we may duck in for a while. But don’t worry. We don’t stay. Something more interesting always comes along from the fringes, and it’s usually stuff that most people don’t notice in the whirlwind of “the next big thing.”

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

Faith is one thing inside the safe haven of church or other confined groups of believers, and quite another when it comes to putting it into practice when you get out there into the real world. Battleground Earth – Living by Faith in a Pagan World, my first published book, deals with this issue in detail. I stand by everything I wrote in that book, even if it isn’t the finest example of my writing abilities, and there’s no need to recap it here. Christianity has lasted for two millennia in this world, but the world still hasn’t stopped fighting it. Without fail, somebody, somewhere, is going to have a problem with your faith.

This could happen in a number of ways, so I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss a couple of areas where I’ve seen this resistance in all its ugly glory, and share the wisdom I’ve gained in dealing with it over the past ten years.

Contradictions

I’m going to be more brutally honest here than is appropriate in a Christian book: I’m skeptical of popular people. I’m pushing 40 years old, and I have a lovely knife collection courtesy of all the ones stuck in my back from “well liked” people that were hiding a hair trigger temper. Certainly not all of them have been that way, but I’ve been on the receiving end of the wrath of “swell” people that launched all out assaults on my character – sometimes for standing my ground, sometimes for rocking the boat, and sometimes simply for refusing to get involved in their drama and minding my own business like I thought I was supposed to. It’s caused me to back away from people that seem to have too many friends, because you never know where those emotional landmines are.

Certainly, I know this is falling prey to a stereotype I’ve created in my own mind. The problem with having a bachelor’s degree in psychology is that you can’t fool yourself. I know it’s a generalization, that its not fair for me to think like that, and that for every popular time bomb I’ve met, I’ve crossed paths with two or three that were perfectly decent human beings that demonstrated great fruit of the Spirit. I guess that when you’re caught in explosions that big, you don’t forget it. You definitely watch your step, or at least try to stay at a range outside of any potential blast radius.

I’m no respecter of persons, which has been much to the dismay of many that have crossed my path. I’m not impressed by power or position, and frankly I don’t care how many friends you have or how many people like you. My criteria for whether I like and respect you is simple: you’re a decent human being, or you aren’t. Integrity, honesty, authenticity, and loyalty are the hallmarks that define character. That’s easy enough and certainly fair, but you’d be surprised at how many people have a problem with it.

I bring this up because I’ve heard many other introverts and “loner” types (like me) complain about similar experiences, and I believe it’s a context that we can all relate to. By now we’ve come to the sad realization that cliques didn’t end in high school, and they’re just as prevalent in the adult world as they are on the playground. You’d think we’d learn, but then again it took 70 years of captivity for the Israelites to learn that God meant what he said about commandments, obedience and all those other inconvenient things that made them “uncool” with the pagans around them, and the rest of us still don’t get it. Gene pools are supposed to dilute with successive generations, but Adam’s stubbornness is just as dominate now as it was in the beginning of time. That’s frightening.

We live in a world of contradictions, and frankly some people are better at standing up to them than others. A bold person who doesn’t mind standing out or being a loner with a small “inner circle” of trusted individuals (like myself) usually winces less than a people-pleaser that’s been taught to make everybody happy. It’s a battle we all face, and some of us do better than others. Fair enough, we can grant other believers the grace to face the battle. It’s the people that don’t have time for that giving us reason to reach for the Excedrin, the squeeze ball, the social media post, the wine, the whiskey, or whatever you wish.

Christians should know that they’ll be challenged, and that they need to stand up to it. The problem is that they often get mixed up on what they’re standing for. Many new believers make the classic mistake of believing that they’re standing up for Jesus and defending His principals. Even I did this back in the day. I’d go to the mat for anything just to I could win another battle for Him. The problem is, I didn’t realize what a fool I made of myself in so many instances, because Jesus doesn’t need anybody to stand up for Him. He already won the ultimate battle, and He will come again victorious to clean up the rest of the crap that’s in the world. What’s done is done, and what’s coming is coming. Nothing we do changes that. So what, exactly, are we fighting for?

Our own integrity, that’s what, and the truth is that it’s only a fight if we make it one. Living by faith in a faithless world is a personal choice, and standing by our choices is our right as human beings. If we chose to believe in God and live by His word, we have a right to do that, and to expect that others will respect it. They don’t have to like it. They don’t have to like us. They do have to understand that this is how it’s going to be with us, and that understanding usually comes by calmly standing our ground than martyring ourselves. I learned the hard way that whining, screaming, and crying over the unfairness of it all gets you nowhere. Nobody hears you, and nobody cares. I finally got it one day and when somebody snapped at me about being “like that,” and I replied, “you have to understand that I’m going to do what I believe is right. If you want to prevent that, you do what’s right first.” You could have knocked them over with a feather. There went the fight. And yes, I have been tested on that, but once usually all it takes for people to learn to keep their shenanagins on their side of the line.

 It seems that Martin Luther’s “here I stand, I can do no other” is much more effective than engaging in battle. You do what you will. I’ll do what I will. God will sort it all out for better or worse, and He deals with such things through time and circumstance better than I would. End of story.

The bottom line is that you can’t just talk the talk; you have to walk the walk. Everybody talks, which is why fighting doesn’t work. Respect is earned through actions, not won by words.  A therapist once told me that people lie with their mouths and tell truth with their actions, so don’t listen to words; watch what they do. That’s some of the best advice I’ve had (and the one thing lots of people wish nobody had ever told me).

Yes, you will butt heads with non-believers every now and then, but you know what? Non-believers butt heads with one another, so you’re not special. Your faith-based words and actions are just another thing about this world that pisses them off and deepens that two ton chip on their shoulder anyway. It happens all the time. Some people are just jerks, and you can’t do anything about it. If you calmly stand your ground then you find yourself fighting less and being yourself more. Don’t let it get you down.

When “Right” Becomes A Liability

Just be aware that when they realize that they can’t turn you, then they’ll try to turn your own nature against you. This is usually the next line of defense, because they believe they’ve watched enough movies and TV to be as clever as the characters they admire. They’ll actually believe they can turn your virtue to their advantage and against you and if you aren’t mindful, this trick can work.

Here I’ll make another one of my well-known, unflattering admissions: I’ve been known to provoke people to anger on purpose. I know that pissing people off isn’t shining light on the world, but it’s part of a strategy. Standing on faith gave rise to a problem in my life that’s seemed to grow over the years: co-dependency. People learned that I’m a hard worker with high standards, so they believe they can relax and rely on me to do things. The problem is the domino effect described in Proverbs: a little rest, a little folding of the hands, and eventually I’m asked to do things that they should be doing themselves. They try to flatter me by telling me I’m so smart and they don’t understand it all, but I realize it as the smokescreen that it really is. It’s not that I’m smart; it’s that they’re lazy, and they want to capitalize on my work ethic “because it’s the Christian thing to do.” Talking, pleading, whining, and leaving it to rot doesn’t work against lazy, because lazy can tolerate a lot. The only way to win against co-dependency is to set boundaries, kick off the training wheels, and leave them to coast. And boundaries raise people’s ire every time.

I know you aren’t supposed to hang people out to dry. I know it’s not nice to challenge them or to make them angry. But as a person once told me, sometimes people are wrong, and they need correcting. Yes, people get angry with me when I withdraw, but I do it with the intention of helping them rise to their potential. If they do it “just to show me,” at least they rose to something, and I’ve seen a lot of progress happen that way. See, you’re smart too. Intelligence isn’t limited to a lucky few. We’re all smart in some ways. If I make you mad trying to mine your talent, fume away.

Christian is not equivalent to doormat, and you must have the audacity to draw the line and stare them down. I don’t recall a single Bible verse where Jesus said “whatever, have it your way” and walked away. People like the Christ that was obedient to the cross; not the Christ that turned over moneychanger tables – and yet it’s all the same. Remember this: when somebody makes “the right thing” a liability, it’s no longer “the right thing.” That changes everything.

Sometimes the right thing looks and feels wrong, but that doesn’t change the fundamental facts. It’s human nature to test people. It’s human nature to push them to see how much you can get away with. It’s human nature to push limits. And its God’s will that the right thing be done in all circumstances, despite human nature. The real question is, are you working with Him or against Him?

Respectfully Disagreeing and Standing Alone

I believe we’ve all known Christians that believe the world is out to get them. They think that everybody is against them because of their faith and that they have to constantly be on the lookout for the next attack. It may sound paranoid, but there are times when it does feel like your faith makes you a target. The world doesn’t flinch at making fun of Christians, at pointing out our flaws, or at making assumption like the ridiculous ones I’ve addressed in this book, and countless others. Christians do seem to be exempt from political correctness. I’ve never seen somebody get in the face of an Islamic and accuse them of being a hellbound killer, but they’ll snicker at Christians and call us freaks to our face. There’s certainly a double standard at play in society, but I don’t believe it’s cause for paranoia and it’s certainly not worth martyring ourselves over. We can only be a victim if we allow it.

We are all unique creations and as such, some personalities aren’t going to play well together. This is true whether you’re Christian or not, and unfortunately there’s no “once size fits all” answer on how to deal with conflict. We do have to remember the one hallmark of our faith, though, and that’s grace. Grace is about freedom, and the truth is that we have no right to judge because we don’t know where they’re coming from. Often, it behooves us to remember that hurt people hurt others, and the best thing is to forgive and let go for our own peace. Don’t let hate send you to hell. The charge of the Christian is to share the gospel, and people have a choice on whether to accept it. We try to share what we know to save their soul, but we can’t save them from themselves. If they want to show the world what a jerk they are then you can’t stop them.  

The truth is that as Christians, we will sometimes stand alone. Look at mainstream media and you see there aren’t many people of faith at the top. The world doesn’t like that, so the world doesn’t allow it to rise. Sure, that may change with the indie markets rising. Certainly, they have more of a voice, and more niche markets are rising for us. But in the end, we won’t be popular. That’s the price of a life rooted in Christ. He did say that we are not of the world, so the world doesn’t love us, so I hope you’re ok with being a loner. And really, it’s not so bad. I rather prefer being a loner because there’s a unique freedom in not being bound by expectations and being able to embrace what speaks to your soul without justifying it to those that don’t understand. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from standing alone, its that the view is a lot better from here.  

Heck with the world, anyway. In pure geologic terms, it’s just a huge rock hurling through space, and rocks can’t think. If people want to win the favor of a rock, they can have it. What matters most are things that can’t be quantified: love, relationships, faith, peace, and joy. A rock can’t give you that.

Wow, when you put it that way, it does sound silly. Suddenly, panoramic view of freedom looks inviting, and eternity seems like an investment worth considering. 

Folks, it's time for some straight talk about the way it is. This is likely to piss off 100% of people, but I'm telling you this now so adjustments can be made and you can't claim "I didn't know!" anymore. 

There have been a lot of people getting mad at me lately because I haven't gone "goo goo" over them, and they're all people who haven't had the courtesy to ask how Rick's dad is doing (even though they know he's had problems because I told them and they gave me the blank "I don't give a crap" stare) or to say "I'm sorry" over Ollie dying. Let me just put it to you plain: I know we all like some people better than others. It's human nature, and this isn't a "shame on you" speech. But life has a way of throwing you curveballs sometimes, and one of reality's favorites is needing people that aren't on the list of approved people in your life. That person you're ignoring, hiding things from, talking about, or spraining your neck sticking your nose up at  may very well be the person you need tomorrow - badly. Play around too much, and they won't do their part, because people do know when you don't like them, and they may not be willing to "play along." And why should they? When you've made it clear that you don't care about them, then why should they go out of their way for you? 

I'm not saying you have to like everybody. That's impossible. What I am saying is that common courtesy can bridge gaps cased by personality differences. Let me tell you a few things that they don't teach you in basic getting-along-with-others advice: 

1. Not everybody is like you.
2. Not everybody sees the world like you do.
3. Not everybody experiences life the way you do.
4. Not everybody has to like you.
5. Not everything that's said or done is all about you (the world is a big place, and people know other people EVERYWHERE!).

If you're going to venture out into the world, you have to learn to work with and deal with people that are different from you. The #1 way of doing that is to express some interest in them outside their "function" in your world. Common courtesy and manners go a long way here. You might be a jerk, but I'm more willing to give you a  hand if you have the decency to ask "what's up" and lend me a hand every now and then than barging in with your demand list and assuming I'll do it "because you're Christian and it's the right thing." Uncomfortable truth: once the "right thing" is made a liability, what's right changes, and it won't be to your advantage. Once something is twisted, everything changes.

Simply stated, you have to learn to act like you give a crap every now and then, even if you don't care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. What you step on today may be what you trip over tomorrow. Burning bridges is a dangerous pastime, because life has a way of bringing you back around to places you never thought you'd see again. We all have to suck it up every now and then. And the more you want, the more you have to suck up.

God help, I'm no fool and neither is anybody else. Everybody can tell when the bar's set at a different place for them than for others. All I'm saying is that breaking out of your comfort zone to be courteous and find out what's up with the people you don't like as much can mean the difference between cooperation and conflict later. You never know when that moment might come. 

Just a heads up, people - discretion, discernment, and common courtesies. They aren't dead in the modern world. In fact, they're probably more important now than ever in an expanding worldwide network. Consider this a public service announcement to help you improve all of the relationships in your life - because relationships really are the most important thing. More than money, power, or popularity, it's relationships built on trust that matter the most. So build trust, and I'll bet you'll find nearly all of your battles won before you even fire a shot. 

That's all today. Take care and have a good week. 

Bye! 

This final entry in the 2014 Graduation series are practical tips for adjusting to life on the other side of graduation and/or marriage. Having graduated twice and married once, I understand that just getting to your “big day” was a journey in itself. Now a new journey begins, and I hope these tips help you as you transition, be it from school to college, school to work, or “I” to “we.”

1.       Write thank you notes. There’s an ugly lie going around that thank you notes are out of fashion, and it’s exactly that – a lie. I believe it’s because many people mistakenly believe that graduation parties and wedding receptions are their way of thanking their guests for the gifts. Sorry folks, but they aren’t. Parties and receptions are your responsibility as a host for the event. Would you attend a 4th of July celebration with no food or entertainment? Just a bunch of people sitting in chairs? Of course not!

I’ve known many people that ignored wedding and baby shower invitations because they didn’t get a thank you note for a graduation or wedding gift, and they were grossly offended – and not all of them were old people, either. Folks, you’re about to learn that the 2 most precious resources in adult life are time and money, and when you send somebody a graduation or wedding invitation, you’re asking them to invest both in you. Be a decent human being. If you had the time to write an invitation, then make the time to write a thank you note to acknowledge that you received and appreciated the gift. Not a text, not a social media post, not an email – a handwritten note. Believe me, it will make a drastic difference in the responses you receive to your next invitations. 

2.       Mind your manners. Simply remembering to say “please” and “thank you” is another way to stand above the crowd and to look smarter, more saavy, and more sophisticated. It’s hard enough for young people to be taken seriously by those of us approaching middle age and beyond that are jaded by reality, but being courteous always gets the right kind of attention. Make the best first impression you can and act like a civilized human being. It’s another way you’ll stand out amongst the rest kicking and screaming to be heard in this crazy world.

3.       Always present your best self. I don’t mean to always dress up like you’re going to a formal event. I do mean you should never go to the gas station or Walmart in pajamas and curlers. As my grandmother used to say, you never know when you’ll run into somebody you know, or worse yet, when somebody will whip out a camera and start clicking (which is more of a threat now that we’re in the days of camera phones), so always look your best when you leave the house. Dress appropriately, keep clean and groomed, and ladies, consider wearing makeup. It doesn’t take that much time or effort, and you can do as much or as little as you like and it always helps.

4.       Read and follow the instructions, 100% of the time. I know I say it all the time, and I will keep saying it until people do it (which will likely be when hell freezes over, so I’ll say it forever). You look smarter. You seem capable and awesome and wonderful when you know what’s going on because you read and followed the instructions. You make fewer mistakes. Life is easier. It’s all good. 

5.       Take your stapler, put it in a dumpster, and never replace it. More places are digitizing files, and there’s no word in the English language to describe the devastating effect a small staple slipped on a paper can do when it runs through a scanner. Catastrophic is too small and mild to describe the damage. Staples are meant for things going into permanent filing that will no longer be used – ever. Considering how rare that is, it means that paper clips and binder clips are better investments than staples.

6.       If you go by your middle name or a nickname, always give your “real” birthname when conducting official business. And ladies, if you’ve had a name change within the past two years, give your maiden and married names. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had trouble remembering people, only for them to hem and haw about how I should know them, and then after 10 minutes say “oh, Bill is my middle name. My actual first name is Bocephus.” Or a woman says “you know, I got married/divorced and changed my name. Does that matter?” As I said, time is a precious resource to adults, and nobody’s got time for “the name game.” Know what version of your name you gave upon initial contact and use it every time.

7.       Put your brain on something for 5 full minutes before you pick up the telephone. People are too fast to jerk up the phone and start dialing, or pecking out an email or text when a question flies through their brain, and it’s gotten a million times worse with smartphones. I know, especially if you just graduated, that you’ve been told there’s no such thing as a stupid question. Well I’m sorry to break it to you, but in the real world there are lots of stupid questions. They’re the ones you ask when the answer is right in front of you. Stop. Take several deep breaths. Count to 20 slowly. Visualize a relaxing scene. Relax your mind. Shut out distractions and think for at least 5 minutes. Read the instructions. If you still have your question, find a way to articulate it accurately and THEN dial or type away.  This is the #1 way to avoid being the person that people say “what a dumb***!” about every time you walk away.

8.       Never mail a check or payment without attaching back up documentation. I can’t believe how many people will drop a check in the mail to a company or agency and not tell them what the payment is for. Computers are good, folks, but we all work with a lot of people and nobody’s memory is good enough to recall every single person they interact with over the course of a day, a week, or a month. Mailing a payment without some sort of payment slip, back up invoice, reference or account number, or something to clearly identify who you are and what you’re paying for is playing roulette with money. At best, they’ll mail it back with a what the heck note. At worst (and more likely), they’ll misapply it and you’ll have a heck of a mess to untangle. Skip this adventure. Always send back up documentation with money.

9.       Admit when your wrong and do what you can to correct things. We all make mistakes – it’s unavoidable. The true test of character is how you handle them. Do you panic and try to hide and cover it up, or do you humbly admit it, do your best to correct it, learn, and move on? It might hurt, but swallowing your pride and learning from mistakes is how you gain trust and respect. And that’s worth more than popularity.

10.   Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Cliques are everywhere and I’m afraid that you didn’t leave stereotypes behind when you graduated. But the thing is, you aren’t required to fall in line with them. Now if being popular and falling in with the in crowd is your thing, that’s well and fine and you should go for it – but if not, there’s nothing wrong with saying heck with it. You’re an adult, so be free to be yourself. Don’t let other people pressure you into things you don’t believe in or want in your life, or into being something you aren’t. Weird isn’t a bad world. Truth is, people are usually more fascinated and admire those that stand alone than the ones that fall right in the mold, whether they admit it or not. So don’t be afraid to be yourself, because it’s what you do best, and all you can really be anyway. In fact, I’d encourage you to spend some time alone on a regular basis to unplug from the pressure of others/society and stay “in touch” with your authentic self.

This is no different in marriage. Marriage is a union of two individuals that complement each other and agree to share their lives together. Yes, you create a new family, but you don’t stop being you – nor should you, because that’s the person your spouse fell in love with. In all you do to support the marriage and your home and family, be sure you have some time to know and take care of yourself and your spiritual needs as well.

In closing, I’d like to congratulate you on your achievements. Graduating and getting married are exciting times, and I encourage you to enjoy this season of celebration. Good luck making the transition to the next stage of life. Godspeed, and best of luck to you in the future.

I hope you enjoyed this series. We’ll get back to my regular fun and shenanagins next entry. Stay tuned – you never know what may pop up in this rabbit hole. See, grads, brides and grooms? Life beyond school and nuptials is still fun and full of adventure!

That’s all. Have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Every now and then, I like to experiment with things to see if I can get them working better or more efficiently. This week, I've been experimenting with social media. I took a good, hard look at where I see more feedback, and decided to try a few new things.

One thing I noticed is that Twitter and Goodreads seem to be the best sites for me. That's where I seem to have interactions and feedback that are, to put it delicately, more relevant and sincere. More common ground is covered there, so to speak. So I've cut back on my Facebook activity and put more effort in my Goodreads groups and Twitter interactions. Another thing I did was to post brief reflections I have throughout my day on Twitter. So far, so good. There's been a slight increase in activity on those sites, so I'll continue with this method.

Another thing I'm trying is to be more interactive on Google+. I'll be brutally honest here - I've noticed of late that Facebook is a great, big time suck, and I get very little out of it. In fact, there are a lot of "lurkers" over there, and I know that one of the "information leaks" in my life is at Facebook (and playing with them just isn't fun to me anymore). I wondered if redirecting some online efforts to Google+ would be more productive. This experiment is still in progress, as it's difficult to access if it's working yet. There are different people on Google+ and their groups are good. We'll see how it goes.

A lot of people think I'm just on social media to sell books, or to brag about life. That's not true. The purpose of social media is to connect to people, and the reason I'm "tweaking" is to make sure that my interactions with online friends remain sincere, relevant, and that they have substance. Because I realize a real human being is behind that avatar, and I respect that. There's enough crap online.I'm striving to keep my online presence real, balanced, and a true reflection of my true life that can connect with other true people. It's supposed to enhance and add blessing to life, not to be a burden or a curse.

We'll see how these experiments go. If you follow me online, let me know what you think. I'm SherritheWriter pretty much everywhere online. Yea, I know, it's the world worst alias, but it is what it is.

That's all today. Take care and have a great rest of the weekend.

Bye!

One thing about being on a brief writing hiatus is that I’m more aware of what’s happening around me. It’s amazing what you can learn when you pay attention. This week alone, I’ve stumbled upon several quotes that have inspired me to think. These may not be verbatim, but I think you’ll get the point:

1. “Most people struggle unnecessarily.” This gem came Monday morning when I was watching Enjoying Every Day (Joyce Meyer Ministries). She was talking about how we should depend on God all the time and not just when we’re desperate, but this quote really struck me. We’ve all heard that most people are as happy as they choose to be, but it’s not often that we’re called on for creating our own struggles. Sure, hard times come. We have to adapt and adjust, and we do struggle through these processes – but how many of us continue to struggle long after the battle is over? I could see in my own life how I’ve prolonged “hard times” simply by holding on to the mindset that I was in a fight, when the truth is that I was battling demons that weren’t there. It was a good reminder that we need to stop boxing with the wind and take stock of where we’re really at in life. It could be that we’re at a better place than we realize, and we’re ruining it by creating unnecessary suffering.
   
   
2. “The sun is always shining. It’s just a matter of whether you can see it.” A friend said this last weekend. It was a statement of fact that the sun was out the whole time we endured grey, dreary winter weather, but I saw how it could be applied to a statement of perspective. It’s not hard to see the black cloud in every silver lining, but it takes a special level of awareness to see the opportunity in every challenge. Why is that negative is so easy to slide into, but positive takes effort? I’m not sure, but positive is better for your overall happiness. It’s hard to change how you think, but sometimes it’s worth it to keep from struggling unnecessarily, as I mentioned above. It could, in fact, be the key to changing your life. You can’t change the world from the outside in, but you’d be amazed at what you can change from the inside out. And when I remember how happy I was to see the clouds roll away and the sun shining overhead, it reminded me that I’d rather choose to see the sun than the clouds anytime.
   
   
3. “No matter what battles wage here, I look out there and remember that in most of the world, absolutely nothing is happening.” What a shift from Joyce Meyer on Monday to Game of Thrones, Season 3 on Tuesday! I’m not sure exactly which character said this, but it certainly adjusts your perspective when you realize what a small place in the world we occupy. Now certainly, we all wish that we were anywhere but here when those battles rage, but it helps to realize that this too shall pass, and that the world is a big place.
   
   
4. “Most people think it’s the big things that defeat evil, but I’ve found it’s the small things done by ordinary folks that makes a difference.” This quote is from The Lord of the Rings, but it was reiterated in my devotional reading earlier this week.  It reminded me of what Tolkein’s friend, C.S. Lewis, wrote about every action taking us one step closer to Heaven or one step closer to hell. The direction is ours to choose, but everything we say and do moves us closer to one or the other. And it certainly is true, because most of life is made up of the small things that we too often underestimate.
   
   
5. I’m currently reading a paranormal mystery titled Clean, by Alex Hughes. The lead character is a telepath working with a police detective, and there’s a scene where they get into conflict. He was upset about it and pried into her mind, which she sensed and hit him (literally). At that point, it occurred to him that “She is not going to let me protect her. Not at all. Not even a little.”  This got me to thinking about when a relationship is really and truly over, because I was pondering a plot point for both of my works in progress, and I realized that the character’s point was that it wasn’t over until the other character no longer had a use for him in her life. It occurred to me that it’s not anger, arguments, or ultimatums that end relationships – it’s the simple decision that “I’m better off without you.” When one party is tired of fighting and makes this decision, then hope really is gone, and reconciliation is pretty much not a possibility anymore. It’s a powerful point, both in fiction and reality. 
   
   

Five interesting quotes and five interesting concepts to ponder this week. It’s given me a lot of good things to think about, and I hope it gives you inspiration as well.

That’s all today. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend.

Bye!

... yesterday's entry reminds me to take a look in the mirror, and to be mindful of how my own behavior could contribute to how others act. Because I know I have my own moments when I'm not at my best. I get stressed, and frustrated, and lose my temper. That doesn't exactly help others to be at their best.

The truth is, I'm just like everybody else out there. I'm stressed. My schedule is chaotic. People are clingy that need to back off; people that need to hang around disappear; people that are supposed to be giving direction and guidance give the run around - we can't seem to get it right. It's misfires, miscommunications, and misunderstandings all around. Everybody has too much to do and too little time. I'm no better than the rest.

And yet, I want to do better myself. I want to handle things better. I want to be more patient, and understanding, and to handle the natural increases that come with the holiday season with more grace and fortitude than I have in the past. So what's the answer? How do you break the pattern?

I picked up one of my C.S. Lewis books a few minutes ago, and read something that might be helpful. It said that when we say The Lord's Prayer, our addressing God as "our Father" is "dressing up as Christ." We're called to be more Christlike, so the way we're advised to achieve that is to get in the role - even though our faults and fobilies make us woefully inadequate to even dare to step into this role - so we can learn to rise to it. We're commanded to act the part. This isn't "fake it till you make it" mentality, but rather, stretching ourselves to achieve above and beyond our current capacity so we can rise to a higher level, as the Lord helps and guides us.

So, if I want to be more patient when things are hectic, then I need to take a deep breath and act like I'm still holding it together, even if I really feel like smashing the telephone with a hammer if it rings ONE MORE TIME. It means continuing to ask relevant questions when people are giving me the run around to encourage them to open up, instead of telling them to get their crap together. It means encouraging people to find their gifts and to use them to become more independent instead of telling them to quit being a clingy pain in the rear. It means engaging in "prayer without ceasing," which means to lift up my burdens instead of trying to plow them through my own.

I said yesterday that I found people could match me "attitude for attitude" when I called them on their wrongs. Obviously, that wasn't a good approach. Maybe this is a better way. So instead of driving like maniacs, losing our cool, honking horns, and popping off, why don't we try a better way? Why don't we take Lewis' advice and act like the better people we want to be? Really, why wait until January 1st to make new beginnings? The Lord's mercies are new every morning, and every day is a chance to start again. Let's start right, now, by acting like the people we want Santa Clause to believe we are ;)

Oh no, I'm not innocent. But I don't want to be guilty any more, either. I'm trying to do better; I really am. And there's no reason why we can't all do better this holiday season, with the Lord's help.

That's all today. Next entry, I'll pass along some fun, inexpensive gift ideas.

Bye!

I know people always say "the holidays are about family!" but the sad truth is that some people don't have a good relationship with their family. I know I've been fortunate to have a good family, but I'm also aware that some are torn asunder by dysfunction, disagreement, strife, or estrangement. And it seems I hear a lot of those stories this time of the year. Or worse yet, see them for myself. Awkward!

I know you say I can't understand because I haven't been there, and you're right. But I can still care, and I do. Sometimes, you need a little help from your friends. And the truth is that even if you do have a good family, they can't be everything to you all the time. You need friends. You need peers and an extended network to support you. People were created to be in relationships with one another, and that isn't limited to blood. Caring knows no bounds.

People suck. God knows, they can let you down, and it seems those closest to you can stick the knife in the deepest. I think that's why God gave us extended relatives, friends, colleagues, and a vast network that can, with the Internet, literally stretch all over the world.

Nobody's perfect, and we all get plenty of practice in the struggle with forgiveness and setting boundaries. But I will say this: all it takes to get my support is a good heart. I'm not one that can be bribed by favors, goodies, or flattery. Rick isn't either. Words are meaningless to us. We try to see the heart and honest intentions. If you're really and truly trying to do what's right with best intentions, you have a trustworthy friend in us. We do value people more than things, or position, or power. People are what matter. And you don't have to be blood to mean the world to us. Just last night, we were talking about how we missed seeing a couple that we haven't been able to see in a while due to schedule conflicts.

Today, I'd like to tell all of our friends out there that we do care and love you. We don't say it much, but we want you to know that we're here if you need us. Maybe we do or don't "get it," but we certainly want to support you. We promise we'll try to suck a little less for our friends!

So to the members of Mt. Tabor Lutheran Church, to Joe and Elizabeth, to Chris and Jackie, to extended family, to colleagues past and present and the connections we've made with counterparts in other agencies, states, or even countries, to my writing buddies, to our followers on Twitter, Facebook, Google, Goodreads, and everywhere online - we love you guys! We hope you had a great Thanksgiving and that the Holiday season is merry, bright, and festive for you.

Geeze, for a hermit in the woods, we sure know a lot of people. I guess that's what happens when you leave the house.

Take care all, and have a great week. Safe travels to those of you heading home from Thanksgiving adventures today.

Bye!

One of my favorite, all time daily devotion readings is the November 4th reading from Simple Abundance – A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. The devotion is titled “Return of the Goddess,” and in it,  Sara Ban Breathnach gives the story of a book signing that she and her daughter attended, and the magnificence of how the writer, whom she refers to as “the goddess” is presented at the signing in an experience she refers to as “the rapture.” There’s really nothing spectacular about it, except that it is, to me, a great slice of life story of how writing can touch people, and have a profound impact on their lives. 

This devotional inspired me in my early days of writing. At first, of course, I had stars in my eyes and hoped to one day be “the goddess” that touched lives so profoundly that people would set aside a day just for an opportunity to grab my latest book and celebrate the release through a signing. Things have changed a lot in the book industry since Simple Abundance was published in 1995, largely thanks to the advent and spread of ebooks, and I think it’s actually for the better. Writing is about creating stories that resonate with readers and live in their minds long after the last page is flipped, not about the pomp of fame and fortune. Over the years, my goal has shifted to creating stories that will resonate with readers, and ebooks give more room for experiences like the one described in this devotional. I think this is true with most writers, as it seems that the “big time” writers – and the book events they participate in – are diminishing in these days where technology makes having “the rapture” of a great book available anywhere. I think, in fact, that it’s best if writers integrate with life, and blend in with the readers they’re trying to communicate with. It doesn’t seem that the pedestals of yesteryear are conductive to creativity. In fact, being immersed in reality makes all writers better at their craft. You have to be a reader to connect with readers, and I imagine that would be difficult if you’re on a pedestal.

Yes, the book industry has changed, and I’ve changed as a writer. But that’s okay, and I think it’s a good change. Anything that makes it easier for readers to find what inspires and entertains them is a good thing. 

That being said, I still enjoy this devotional. It’s a great slice of life story that reminds me of how important great books are to me, and to keep that in mind as I craft my own novels. My purpose is to add to the work they can enjoy and to inspire and entertain them, whether they think to look at who the author of the book is or not. It's about the story, not the writer. And that's okay with me - preferable, really. Because writing should be more focused on the reader and what they can gain from your story. 

That’s all today. Have a great end of the week and a wonderful weekend. 

Bye!