There's no doubt that the past year and a half has been tough on us. It seems it's been one challenge after the next. Still, I can't say that the valleys of life are without their merit. You do appreciate the blessings you do find along the way, and there's a lot to learn from them. Here are a few things I've learned from the going getting tough:

1. Take one day at a time. If you focus on your lousy luck or being in a "bad season of life," then it makes things worse. Yes, bad things come and bad days happen, but if you get stuck in a mindset then you'll be defeated far longer than necessary. The best thing you can do is what is possible for you to do today. Then you don't need to worry about tomorrow, because you've done all you can and that you will be supplied with what you need to face it when the timing is right. 

2. Let things go. Live long enough, and everybody and everything in your life will disappoint you, go wrong, or piss you off. You must have the discernment to know what's an abnormal aggravation to ignore, and what's a serious problem that needs to be dealt with. The truth is that we waste a lot of energy going to the mat for things that will pass in a moment, and trying to sweep things under the rug that would be better dealt with sooner rather than later. Here's a good tip: if it passes out of your life, then it's best to let it go and focus on what's still around. Don't let quitters, offenders, and minor irritations rock your world when they'll be on their way faster than lightening. In other words:

3. Act, don't react. Knee jerk reactions rarely make the kind of positive impact that you really need to make life better. Take the time to consider things and decide the best course of action. This goes double for times when emotions are charged and running high - you just can't make rational decisions in that state of mind. Be realistic enough to know yourself and how you typically react, and take the time to stop yourself and ask if what you're about to say or do is in proportion to the situation. It's not easy at first, but it does become more routine the more you do it. 

4. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You really do need to be careful here and make sure that you don't do it indiscriminately, because people are more likely to give you a pass if you don't ask for one all the time. Still, it's alright to say "I need to sit this one out" or "I need a helping hand here" if you're overwhelmed and there's no alignment of Heaven and Earth that can make what needs to happen become a reality. We all do need to bail out sometimes. And remember: the grace you give is the grace you get. The  more willing you are to help out others in their need, the  more willing they are to help you. 

5. Change your thinking and you can change your world. The power of positive thinking isn't just new-age mumbo-jumbo; it actually works. If you dedicate yourself to finding the best in any situation and learning from it, then it's much easier to get through the tough times. Even if you find yourself sitting in a room planning a funeral, you can take comfort in knowing that this is temporary and life will go on and return to normal in time. Nothing lasts forever, and you can usually take something from it, whether it's a lesson, helping others, improving life, or planning for the future. 

6. Be grateful for your blessings. No matter how bad it gets; it could be worse. In regard to the previous suggestion, the best way to change your thinking is to choose to focus on what's right in your life instead of what's wrong. Even if your life is in shambles, the best way to rebuild it is to pick up the pieces that work and start putting them together into something new - and the sooner you start that process, the faster you'll find ourself out of the valley and on the mountaintop. 

7. Stop believing in luck. Frankly, that's a cop-out. I get irritated when people ask "why do bad things happen to good people?" when if they were truly the Christians they proclaim to be, then they'd know that The  Bible says "time and chance happen to us all" (Eccleasiastes 9:11). I don't believe in luck because that places you at the whim of fate and can make you a bitter person. Instead, believe it's God will or it isn't. It's easier to cope when you believe a Greater Power is in charge instead of blind forces converging where ever. 

8. Mind your own business. Nobody's going to take your advice on how to fix their life if yours is a hot mess, so don't bother. Tend to your own matters, and give others the grace to be who they are. If they're adults, then they have the capacity to take care of themselves and their own affairs, so trust them to do so. Plus, not everything works for everybody. All paths may run ill and there are no guarantees that what works for one will work for another. Truthfully, I stopped giving advice years ago, and I find I get along with people a lot better since I broke that nasty habit of spewing out unsolicited advice and opinions. 

9. Stop Muti-Tasking. That's a trend that needs to die. Just as "a jack of all trades is a master of none," so too is it impossible to do several things at once well. I actually found that I'm a lot more productive when I focus on completing one thing at a time, because I make fewer mistakes that I have to go back and correct. Do one thing at a time, and group like tasks together. Focus is the key to accomplishing more in life. 

10. Remember that all things pass in time. C.S. Lewis described "The Law of Undulation" in his book The Screwtape Letters. This states that life is a series of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, and you're always at some point on the wave. If things are good, then you're at a peak so enjoy it. If you're in a valley, know that the only place left is to go up and find hope in that. Nothing lasts forever and in fact, the nature of the universe is change. Stop fearing it, and you may find that your greatest achievements come from the things that knocked you down the hardest. 

Honestly, I could write a dissertation on all I've learned, but I think this list hits the high points. At least, these are the main things that have helped me to keep going, and are hopefully lighting the path to better days ahead. 

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week. 

Bye!

It's amazing how "words in season" come right when you need them. Last week was a doozy, no doubt, but it seemed that the words I needed to hear kept coming at just the right time. Here are some of the winners from last week that kept me encouraged and kept a light on the path before us:

1. When an egg breaks from the outside, the result is death. When it breaks from the inside, the result is life. That reminded me of a line from the song Where the Dead Ships Dwell that says "I won't let the world break me." I know that's a yin and yang comparison, but to me it's plenty relevant: your circumstances can break you, or you can break free of them. It's all a matter of perspective, and where you allow your primary influence to come from: within or without. 

2. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you learn. It seems this goes in seasons, and the seasons of learning are usually longer than the seasons of winning. What I really like about this, though, is that it doesn't say you lose - because you don't have to. If you can be ok with learning, then you really can't lose, because every experience adds wisdom and equips you to do better later. We can learn from every experience, whether it ends out the way we hope/expect or not. 

3. People who shine from within don't need the spotlight. And we go back to real things coming from the inside. This is a perfect time to hear this too, as May tends to be a whirlwind of celebrations, between graduations and Mother's Day. We do all have our "spotlight" moments, but true character comes when nobody's looking. Do you always need accolades and "atta-boys" to stay motivated, or do you do what's right because it's right? This is an issue I've addressed in this blog before, so there's no need to revisit it in length. 

4. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:3-4) I like this because it basically says that it's alright to be human beings, not humans doing. Too often, we think that we have to work and fight to get ahead, and wind out stressed out and weary. But this says that if we do what we're supposed to, then He will not only keep us safe, but bring the desires He planted in our hearts to pass. Wonderful, simple words of encouragement.  

And as a bonus:

5. Once they figure a way to work a dead horse, we'll be next. Likely I'll be the first too. 'Edd,' they'll say, 'dying's no excuse for lying down no more, so get on up and take this spear, you've got the watch tonight." If you work, you know why that's funny. We all feel it sometimes, don't we? That tidbit is from A Sword of Storms, the third book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series. I thought it was hilarious and you'd appreciate it. 

Good words to ponder, I believe. I hope they've inspired you as they have me over the past week. 

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week. 

Bye!

I’ve heard that apply pressure, and true character shows. If that’s the case, we’re having quite the reveal now. It seems that a lot of people are struggling with a lot of different things these days. My father-in-law is still recovering from his brain surgery last week in the hospital, but we certainly aren’t alone. I know others struggling with ill family members, terminal illness, accidents, and a couple of sudden, unexpected deaths. All of these people work, and all of them are dealing with work issues on top of their personal issues.

I’d say life is bleeding us out now. And we’re all seeing who’s real and who’s full of crap right now, too, because pressure draws out something else: drama. Or at least, you find out who’s a spotlight hog and who’s prone to logic in times like these. Truth always reveals itself, and it’s usually at times like these when there’s no place to hide. You see who’s the love and compassion lighting your way, and who’s the black hole that sucks you dry and gives nothing in return.  In turn, you see where your energy should be so you can get the hell out of the event horizon of a vacuum and go toward the light. And you don’t forget it, even when the whole mess is over.

That’s the one inconvenient fact that too many people forget. Masks can’t be put back on once they fall off. That’s why character bleeds with pressure. Once it’s tapped, you can’t ooze it back in. It’s out there for the whole world to see.

You also learn a lot about yourself in times like these. You learn how tough you really are; and how well you stand up to the pressure. You see if you’ve really grown as much as you think you have. It’s the truest test of progress and maturity. If you do better holding your center in this trial than you did the last, then you’re good. If not, you know the targets for improvement.

I’m very happy right now that I read The Secret a few weeks ago. What I learned has been a tremendous help with coping, and has helped me to keep a better balance than I have in the past. Certainly, I’ve still had my not flattering moments, but I do hope that I’m doing better at capturing the anxious or worried thoughts and replacing them with prayers of hope and healing – and not just for me and my family, but for everybody who’s struggling right now.

If you’re struggling right now, let me offer you encouragement and hope. Look outside at everything blooming right now. That’s life – all that green and blue and color is everything in the world alive, and where there’s life, there’s hope. We all struggle and you certainly aren’t alone. Don’t allow yourself to be defeated. Stop looking down, where things die and are buried, and look up to the sun, where things live and breathe and hope. Change your focus from your worry to your hope.

If you’re doing well, I congratulate you. Nobody wants to rain on your parade, and you certainly deserve to enjoy good fortune. Just don’t forget compassion for those who aren’t on the mountaintop with you. Taking a moment to offer a word in season will multiply your blessings and keep you in the sun.

And if you’re just plugging along on the journey, take hope in both. Laugh with those who laugh, and mourn with those who mourn. You’re heading one way or the other. Err on the side of caution by bestowing good, positive energy on all. Whether you’re a companion or a comfort, you can’t go wrong.

We’ll be fine. Things happen and there’s no use fretting over the why’s. There’s a pretty good chance the answer will never come (certainly not to our satisfaction), so it’s best to get alright with the unanswered questions.  “Time and chance happen to them all” (Ecclesiastes 9:11), so as it hurts, so shall it heal and give way to joy in due time. Life is always in motion. That’s why it’s called a journey. So let’s bleed out our truth, heal, become better people, and make sure we’re moving in the right direction, now and always.

That’s all today. Take care and have a great rest of the week.

Bye! 

I recently read a blog entry from a writer who's calling it quits. I don’t know this person. It was shared on social media through another writer that I do know, along with a note on what a shame it is for a person to quit while they’re ahead. When I first saw it, I agreed. Writing is a tough business, and criticism is part of the territory (especially for indie authors). Goodness knows, I have my own war stories. But when I read this entry, I realized there was much more than just “hanging in there” involved with her decision. It turns out the writer has severe depression, and those occasional harsh reviews that inevitably happen  were hindering her treatment from this debilitating illness.

Yes, it’s a shame for her to give up writing, but I disagree about it being a mistake. Better to break your dreams than yourself. And as much as we hate to admit it, the simple fact of the matter is that sometimes, you lose.

This isn’t popular in this “you can do anything” and “never give up” world we live in, but take one look at the American Idol auditions and I think we’ll all agree that we have a tendency to flatter ourselves into thinking we’re capable of much more than we really are. We’re human beings – not robots, not aliens, not cyborgs or superheroes or sorcerers or dragonslayers. It’s impossible to succeed at all we do and win every battle. Inevitably, the day comes when the world conquers you and you have to face the brokenness of the reality that you aren’t all that. Even heroes take their beatings. It’s how they learn what they’re up against and, invariably, how to win where it matters most.

Defeat happens, even when it shouldn’t. I think we’ve all been in situations where we think we’re capable of doing more than we really can, and we’re faced with making decisions that hurt. We’re told to hang in there and not to quit, but when the price is too high then it makes sense to take a step back and consider whether you need to be on this road. Resistance is natural, but destruction isn’t. As C.S. Lewis once wrote, if you realize you’re doing a math problem wrong, then forging ahead to the end won’t yield a right result. You only get the right result from going back and starting over. Proceeding from the point of an error is a mistake in and of itself. It takes prayer and a great deal of discernment to know if you’re facing natural resistance to the right path, or killing yourself (spiritually, at least) on the wrong one. And we’re very good at tricking ourselves into believing that anything we want badly enough is God’s will.

Or it may not be anything that we did wrong. Like the case with this writer, there may be nothing wrong with the path we’re on. We may do everything right, but things go wrong. Ecclesiastes 9:11 says it best: “I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to the skillful; but time and chance happen to them all.”

Sometimes, you lose. You just don't get it, and it hurts. The good news is that failure isn’t fatal. You live, you learn, you put one foot in front of the other until you find a better tomorrow. Sometimes, doing what’s right means a sacrifice that hurts terribly and seems all wrong. But it’s deceptive because the peace comes later, when we ourselves become the heroes that learn what we’re up against and find a greater victory.

That’s all today. Take care and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!

I wrote a blog entry earlier this week on something worth pissing you off for. Well, it only seems fair to balance the scales and write an entry on something worth encouraging you for. And since it seems that I tend to ponder things deeper and write more when I'm working on writing projects, it so happens that I have one for you.

I was running errands on my lunch break Thursday when I drove by a church sign that read: "Humility is born from humiliation." At first I thought no, that's not true. I don't think it's necessary to break people to make then realize they aren't "all that." But I ran into a problem right away when I tried to think of a time when I learned humility without being knocked flat on my behind or completely overwhelmed to the point of helplessness. Hmm. I've heard it said that more lessons come from pain than joy. It seems that's right. I see, in fact, that every advancement I've made in life was preceded by defeat or being knocked back a notch:

The school refused to put me in the most advanced math classes when I started high school because I missed the eligibility requirement by 2 points on a standardized test. But my senior year, that opened up one more class in my schedule. I took college level psychology - and found my major.

After struggling through a terrible junior year in college where it seemed that all of my classes were a struggle and all my relationships were in conflict, I sought help through tutors, advisors, and councilors at the University. It worked. My senior year, I made the President's List both semesters, was selected to work on a great independent study project (where I gained experience that helped me get the job I have now), graduated with honors, and was engaged to Rick.

After struggling with our finances for years and then an infection that took three months to heal, Rick and I were finally able to build our home.

After a major work move, I got two publication contracts and became an independent author, thanks to the perseverance and research skills I learned from working with others to make the move successful.

I wondered why this is so. I suppose the whole "free will" thing has a lot to do with it. We all want to be important. But the truth is that we don't run the world, and it seems that we need reminders every now and then that we can't do it all. The good news is that the One who made the world wants to give us His power and work through us. He just has to make sure we're ready to let him do that. We can do a lot, but we CAN'T do it all. And I suppose coming to the end of our rope is the thing that prepares us for the miracles that take us from disaster to destiny.

I've spent my career working in professional licensing, and I can tell you that one of the most embarrassing things is to have someone ask you or one of your Board members "why did you license that person?" It's an undeniable fact that the standards set for initial licensure become the "minimal competency level" standards for the profession, and you can't force people to rise above that once they're licensed. It's encouraged and supported through license renewals, continuing education requirements, and private societies that offer opportunities to connect with others and grow in the profession. But we can't force them to take anything from that, and the sad truth is that there are some people that won't do any more than they have to. Thankfully, it's extremely rare that this happens, but everything is subject to opinion and inevitably it will.


Well, God doesn't settle for minimal competency, nor will He allow us to. And humility is how He helps us rise to the next blessing. My Bible reading was in Job yesterday, and I was struck by one verse: "The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the former part." (Job 42:12) After being utterly destroyed; after losing everything except his life; after being ridiculed by family and friends and even chastised by God Himself; Job acknowledged his limits and pledged to lean on God. And God was pleased and grew him, above and beyond all he ever had.

My point in this entry is to encourage you not to give up or to give in to discouragement if you're facing a tough time. We all do. Maybe you made a mistake and need to make it right. Maybe you didn't do anything to deserve it, and this is God preparing you for a blessing to come. Whatever the case, have faith. Human beings were created to live in eternity with the Lord, so the story never ends. Humility means joining your ability with God's strength to rise to the next level. So don't fear. Rise. You can do it. The One Who created the Heavens and the Earth will make you able.

But you can't do it alone. Because sorry folks, but you're not all that.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great weekend.

Bye! 

I recently started reading Making Good Habits – Breaking Bad Habits, by Joyce Meyer, and one chapter in a line already got me thinking. She wrote “most of what we do on a daily basis is habit.” It reminded me of something somebody said in a seminar several years ago along these same lines. She said, “you don’t realize how many of our emotional reactions are actually habits. We subconsciously remember how we reacted the last time something similar happened, and jump right back to it. The way to gain control is to stop for a moment and ask yourself ‘why do I feel this way?’ You’d be amazed at how much more productive you are when you get a handle on your emotions.”

Both this line and the memory of that seminar got me to thinking. It’s easy to see how some things are habits. My Bible reading is a habit. Prayer time is a habit. Listening to my weather radio while I get dressed is a habit. The times we eat lunch and supper are habits. Chores and errands are habits. Even many of the things I do with my writing and promoting it are habits. All of these were formed, on purpose, based on what works. But how many other habits are part of my daily life that might not be so effective? Are there things I do that may be holding me back? Or other ways that would be more productive, if I made a simple change?

I’ve often said that changing how you think about things is the hardest thing to do, and now I realize why. It requires a tremendous effort to pay attention to things we normally don’t notice and take control of it to form new habits!  And often, people get frustrated in the process and just give up, thinking it’s not worth it – or worse yet, “if people love me, they will accept me as I am and get over it.”

And the devil absolutely loves that attitude, because he knows that the constant cycle of frustration/fight/forgiveness is slowly chipping away at your relationships, and the process gets slower every time you take another round. The truth is, it does matter, and it has a bigger impact on your relationships than you think. Even small things can chip away at something good until all that’s left are the crumbs of broken trust and resentment that overshadow any good sentiment that once held the dust together.

It’s been four years since I underwent my major mental overhaul (thanks to a major life overhaul), and I can tell you that my biggest struggle was accepting things as they are, and not as I want them to be. I still struggle with that from time to time, most recently with my parakeet’s nerve injury. I hate to see Ollie hurt, and was under a tremendous amount of anxiety and stress over it. Nothing I did seemed to help and I was so aggravated! You know what changed that? Getting the flu. I was literally too sick to worry all the time. But a surprising thing happened. I found that, when I quit hovering over Ollie all the time and peeping on him every few minutes, he improved drastically. He’s not healed, and these cold days knock him down more than I like, but I quickly saw that when I accepted him in the condition he’s in now – and not the condition he was in six months ago, which I want him to return to – he did better. He started eating more. He started chirping and singing every now and then. He seemed to relax and accept his own healing as I relaxed and accepted it. He even gets spunky and sassy every now and then. I see his personality coming back. But it didn’t happen until I backed off, trusted the Lord to heal Ollie, and let it go.

If changing my behavior can impact a parakeet, imagine how it can impact other people.

It’s something worth thinking about. I know I have been. Yes, people should accept you as you are, but don’t you want to do your part to make your relationships the best they can be? How much better can your relationships be if you replace nagging with trusting? Complaining with compromising? Threats with respect? Or better yet, accepting people and things as they are and working with them instead of demanding that “they change or else?” Ah, that’s one to really be cautious of. When threats start, “or else” is often the more attractive offer.

Consider the parakeet. If it can improve through changes in human behavior, isn’t it worth a try? I mentioned two entries ago how negative energy drives people away. That too is a habit. And I think that if you really want to be happy, if you really want your relationships to be the best they can be, if you really want your life to be the best it can be, then you’ll agree that it’s worth breaking bad habits of thought, emotion, and behavior to bring it about. It takes work, and it takes time. But , as Meyer says, if you’re determined to make a positive change and focus on what you hope to gain instead of what hurts, then you can do it.

And again, more support to what I said two entries ago: change your mind, change your life. Or, as the Book of Proverbs says, "as a man thinks in his heart, so he is."

It’s worth thinking about. I’m happy with my life, but I believe it’s because I’m always looking for ways to make things better. Learning is a lifelong process, after all. And it’s a process I’m committed to.

That’s all today. Have a Happy Friday and a great weekend.

Bye!

For all of the lessons that life itself has taught me, I have to say that I've picked up some good tidbits from fiction as well. Whether it's from books, movies, or TV, I've learned a few things that have been invaluable in reality. They say truth is stranger than fiction, but I think it's more accurate to say that sometimes, fiction reflects truth all too well. For example:

1. Sometimes, you can never go back. We saw it in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, when Frodo returned to The Shire after his quest. He tried to return to life as it was before, but after all that he had experienced, he couldn't, and wound out sailing to the West. We saw it in the close of The Inheritance Cycle, where, after the enemy was finally defeated and peace was restored, Eragon elected to retreat to a realm outside of Alagasia because he needed time to process all that had happened to him on his own journey. We even saw it in the close of The Clone Wars when, after she was acquitted of murder, Ashoka refused the offer to return to The Jedi Order because "I have to work things out on my own now." Sometimes, the journey affects us in ways that makes it impossible to go back to the same old, same old. The hurts are too deep to fully heal, as it was with Frodo. The changes you go through are too big, and you aren't the same person, like with Eragon. You've see too much that you didn't know and need time to figure out who you are, as with Ashoka. I know these are the endings that readers/viewers don't like, but sadly it is reality sometimes. I know I've been through experiences that left me a different person, and I can say from experience that some things shift your paradigm too much to stay the person you were.

2. Yes, angels are sent to protect us, but it's best to stay out of their way. If you watch the TV series Supernatural, you know that angels haven't always been portrayed in the best light. While I'll admit that I believe the show creators have taken some literary license on their interpretation, I also feel that they're more right on some things than we'd be comfortable with admitting. You are aware that those beautiful angels in fur-lines robes that you see in the stores now are 100% fiction, right? Angels are warriors, and I can tell you that they aren't playing harps and singing all day. They're fighting demons and keeping us safe (both from the forces of hell against us and the messes we get ourselves in). And in case you haven't thought about it, they see all of creation (this world and "the next"), and they don't have the gift of free will. You better believe that their methods (if we knew them) would probably seem somewhat harsh and tough at times because their perspective is radically different from anything that we could possibly know or understand. Take a look in The Bible, and everybody that saw an angel fell on their face out of reverential fear. Yes, I believe angels are good. Yes, I believe they protect us. Yes, I love them. But I know well enough that they don't have time for mundane human crap when they're fighting the forces of hell. So I offer them my utmost respect, and get out of the way so they can do their job.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I refuse to put an angel on top of my Christmas tree, or to have them on my Christmas cards. They don't have time for that.

3. Fear is the greatest monster we face. I wasn't as impressed with The Green Lantern movie as I hoped to be, but they hit on an indisputable fact: the worst thing humanity faces is fear. Fear causes more problems than any other thing in this world. It keeps us from doing what we should be doing and puts us in ruts we aren't meant to be in. Fear is a trap that kills us slowly, from the inside out. The only way to have the life of fullness and abundance that we're supposed to have is to find our courage and move forward, despite our fear. And that is the hardest thing in the world to do.

4. Some people can't be saved. This is one I really don't like to admit, but sadly it's true. And while I've experienced the frustration of trying to help people and having them reject it, it took Arrow, the CW series now in it's second season, to realize that it's not personal, it's just fact. This really hit home when Detective Lance told Thea Queen that "The Hood" (as they called him in Season 1) had sent 26 people to his morgue, and that was two episodes before the season finale. I shuddered at that, because he was being marked as a killer and yet those were 26 people that he wanted to turn over to justice, but the circumstances didn't allow it - they tried to kill him or others in their escape.

This is an extreme example, of course. Most of us don't deal with organized crime or defending ourselves or others in life or death situations. But we do deal with trying to help people, and they reject our help, just to come to harm later. People reject our advice. They slap away a helpful hand. They deny those trying to help them to a better way, because correction hurts and they're comfortable with their own way, no matter how it hurts them or others. And really, as much as it hurts, we shouldn't be surprised. Even Jesus couldn't save them all. Why should we think we deserve a better track record?

5. Sometimes, the best way to flush out a leak is to flood it. When you suspect there's a busybody, traitor, or blabbermouth in your midst, the natural inclination is to zip it up and confide in a close circle of friends. And indeed, this is advice that I accepted - until I started watching Game of Thrones. Do you remember the time Tyrian Lannister suspected that someone on The Small Council was leaking things to the Queen (who was also his sister), so he told each member that he planned to marry off her daughter to a different person, then waited to see which one she chewed him out about? The guy he caught didn't think it was funny, but every other member of the council had to admit that it was a very clever ploy and they admired it. I did too, so I've tried it a few times. Folks, it works like a charm. And in this day of technological advances in communications, it works in about 2-4 hours. It's not a trick to overdo, and you certainly don't want to throw anything "real" that needs to remain under discretion. But throw out a tidbit here or there, and see what comes back. You'd be surprised at how fast people forget to play coy when they're hit with something unexpected that sets off their alarm bells.

Yes, it's amazing what you can learn from fiction. And maybe that's why we love it - because sometimes, we can learn valuable things about reality.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

We got new telephones with headsets at the office last week. If you’ve been watching my social media posts, you know that I had a bit of an issue when they announced the change because they mentioned “tethered headsets,” and visions of assimilation by the Borg (from Star Trek) ran through my head. It turns out that the headsets are wireless, so my fears of being bound to the desk by wires and cords were alleviated. In fact, I’ve found the headset to be quite nice this past week – especially since our call volume has picked up with exam registration for one of my programs nearing a deadline. 

There are a few people that are taking a bit longer to adjust to the new headsets. Sure, it was a pain getting it adjusted, but once that was done, it’s kind of nice. I can look up files on the computer or even check our file cabinets without putting someone on hold. As you can see, it’s barely noticeable. And my neck doesn’t hurt at the end of the day anymore. I’m not sure why there are some that find it difficult. It’s certainly made working easier for me this past week. I think people are seeing the benefits of them now that they've had some time to adjust.

I'm pleasantly surprised at people taking to them this quickly. I'm used to hearing people complain about change and new technology. There are complaints about new systems, complaints about new ways, and complaints about "messing things up." People say they're afraid it will take them longer because they "don't know that way, but I think it has more to do with not wanting to change. They don’t have to make an adjustment, so they don’t want to. And while it’s optional, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t want to try something that can make life easier for them. 

The same goes for so many things. I’ve known people that refused to get computers for the same reason. I even knew a few people that refused to get cell phones until the city started removing pay phones from our area. They claimed they were scared they’d mess them up, but I think it’s the learning curve they feared more than anything. Learning how to use new things does require patience and dedication, and some people just don’t want to put forth the effort unless they’re forced to do it. It seems like laziness on their part, too. What they don’t realize is their refusal to learn is resulting in making their life harder, because it takes them twice as long to do it the old way. Change is the path to progress, and the reason these constant upgrades keep coming is because they’re saving time, energy, and frustration. Believe me, I know this from experience with going from a Department that had all paper files to a Department that’s all digital: I find things much faster with a few clicks in my database now than I did digging through file cabinets a few years ago. My productivity is much higher, and those new computer and tech skills are things I’ve taken to my writing, which as resulted in progressing over the years as well. Sometimes, you can apply it to your home life too, and that’s saving you time that you could spend on other things. 

I don’t understand why people wouldn’t want to give something that can make life easier a chance. Taking the time now to learn something that makes me work faster and more efficiently is well worth the investment on the time it will save me later. Technology helps me to do so much more faster, better, and more efficiently. I certainly want to take advantage of anything that can help me. I know that this headset has literally saved me aches and pains this past week, and I like it. I’m not taking aspirin for that pain in my head, neck and shoulders that used to plague me on days when I was on the phone a lot nearly as much this past week. And because I feel better, I’ve accomplished a lot more at home and with my writing, too. 

I guess it’s a matter of personal preference. If others want to grapple with paper files, rickety file cabinets, and receivers and cords, well, to each his own. 

That’s all today. Have a great weekend. 

Bye!

There are some phrases in widespread, common use that seem to be universal hot buttons to piss people off. Really, I don’t understand how it became commonplace for people to say things that erode the very respect that relationships are built on, and yet I hear people say it – and complain about having these things said to them – frequently. 

Certainly, we should always be honest and authentic in our dealings with people, but discernment is an absolute necessity in our dealings with ALL people. Just because it flies through your brain doesn’t mean it needs to fly out of your mouth, and in fact there are many times when it’s best to keep that thought in your head and fake it till you make it with your words (or silence, depending on the situation). For example, here are some phrases you should eliminate (or at least, drastically reduce) in your vocabulary that will garner more respect, motivate people to cooperate and work well with you, and make you appear more intelligent and savvy:

1.   “Whatever.” Nothing coveys the ignorant-inconsiderate-jerk trifecta like this one word phrase. You have the entire English language at your disposal and that’s all you’ve got? If it is, then it’s time to recognize the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, the best course of action is to gracefully back away and let silence be golden. And if you refuse to exercise the right to remain silent, then a simple “I hope that works out for you and wish you luck” is much more dignified than throwing out something that makes you look like a cross between an immature tween and a person that’s learning English as a second language -  and isn’t quite getting it.

2.    “Do what you’ve got to do.” I don’t hear this one as much as I used to, but it’s still out there, and it’s a sin for the same reasons as “whatever.” More accurately, that’s redneck for “I don’t like what you’re doing and would move Heaven and Earth to stop you, but that would reveal me as a selfish jerk to the rest of the world and I don’t want to do that, so go on and get this over with so you can get back to doing things that make me happy.” It isn’t your job to like or even understand everything that other people do, so let go and accept that people have a right to lead their lives, do things, and make decisions that work best for them regardless of what you say, think, or need. Instead, say “I understand this is important to you.” Even if you don’t and you hope it blows up in their face, just fake it and at least acknowledge their right to live as they see fit.  Because I guarantee you’ve done things that made them go “Hmmm” in the past . Plus,  if you want people to stay interested in your life, then you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and their life, even if you don’t care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. 

3.   “That’s not my problem.” I stand back when people say this because it’s an open invitation for the universe to hit you with its best shot, and that’s a challenge it ALWAYS accepts. Sure, you aren’t responsible for every single thing that happens in the world, and there are some things that aren’t your business, but have some dignity in declining to accept responsibility that you feel isn’t yours. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that” is much more gracious and doesn’t invite fate, the universe, the world, or whatever you wish to call it to deliver an entirely new batch of problems into your life. Fake sympathy for the other persons’ plight even if you don’t really feel it because you WILL be at the receiving end of this one day, and the measure you get will be the measure you’ve given. It happens to us all.

4.  “You don’t really want that,” or “Stop wasting your time on that and do this instead.” Excuse me, when did God appoint you to His position, because that’s what it looks like you’re playing at with either variation of this. You have no way of knowing what’s in other peoples’ hearts or what plans are in store for them, and they aren’t required to get your approval for it, either. People have a right to make their own decisions. You never know what might happen and statements like this may very well make a fool of you one day. Don’t take a chance. 

5.  “I told you so.” Even if you preface it with the I-hate-to-say-it-but clause, it’s still ridiculous because they already know. Demonstrate some maturity and don’t gloat over somebody’s failings, even if they asked for it and everybody knew it was foolishness from the start. As I said in the last statement, people have a right to make their own decisions and that means having the grace to let them make their own mistakes. Pray they’ve learned from the experience, and don’t gloat lest you wander into folly someday. Because none of us are as smart as we think we are. 
 
6.    “ I did that too, and let me tell you how I did it better.” Nobody likes a know-it-all or a show off, and a constant need to one-up people blinks “I’m insecure!” brighter than a digital billboard. You don’t have to be in the spotlight every minute of every day. Back down and let others have their day in the sun every now and then. Because we all know that nobody’s done everything under the sun, and there will always be people out there that have done it bigger, better and more recently than you have. Let go of the competition to always be #1 and learn to be happy with the life the Lord gave you.

7.   “If I were you, I’d …” Turn off anybody that prefaces a statement with this immediately, because it’s a clear sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about. Wisdom gives options. Experience shares insight. Ignorance says that if they were you, they’d go out and kick the world in the you-know-where, and that’s most often foolishness that would make a bigger mess of things if anybody were dumb enough to take this advice. Plus, they wouldn’t have the guts to actually do it, because some people are good at telling people to do things they wouldn’t dare do themselves.

8.     “You should make them do it.” Guess what? Scientists have found the center of the universe and it’s not you. That’s the fastest way to run a person out of your life. You don’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do, and if you try to then trust me – you’re ego can’t handle what they really think about you. If you have to control someone every minute to “keep them in line,” then you’re trying to force them into a place or relationship where they don’t belong. Don’t beg people to be your friend or try to force them to your will. Pray for what Joyce Meyer refers to as “divine connections.” Those are friends and acquaintances that you get along with so well that you don’t want to change them because you appreciate how their uniqueness enriches your life. 

9.     “I would NEVER do that/accept that/put up with that.” Never say never or the Lord will make you do it to show you who the boss really is. One never in your life that’s absolute: you never know what life has in store for you. Someday you could well be dining on crow while dealing with something that you thought you were too smart/special/good for. Life has a way of humbling us, and the “I would never” statements are a GPS on how to get that done. 

10.   Anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you and your family” at a visitation or funeral. Anything else sounds stupid and believe me, there’s nothing clever or inspirational you can say that will get through people in the depths of grief. The dumbest things I’ve ever heard have all been said at visitations and/or funerals because people try to justify death and offer comfort in religious platitudes. Folks, I’m Christian too, but this isn’t seminary or time to play preacher. I remember what C.S. Lewis wrote about death not being natural because human beings weren’t created to die and it’s the most painful consequence that we pay for sin. He’s absolutely right. There’s nothing right about death and there’s no way to wrap it up in pretty phrases or platitudes that makes it suck less. So give it up. Don’t engage in conversations with the bereaved if they try to start one, either. This isn’t the time or place to engage in theological discussions, discuss anything beyond condolences for the loss (no gossip or “what’s up with me” statements), and it certainly isn’t appropriate to leverage your personality or make a big impression. It’s a subdued occasion so dial it down, make an appearance, and for goodness sake, shut up.

Maybe you relate to some of this and are nodding, saying thank you for revealing it! Or maybe you see it as a calling out. I certainly don’t mean it that way, and I admit that I’m guilty of uttering some of these phrases. In fact, I  had to work at cutting the “whatever” and “I told you so” out of my vocabulary, and I get along with people so much better now that it’s gone. My point is not to say “shame on you.” It’s  to shed light on small things that chip away at trust and give guidance that I’ve learned in building bridges to cooperative relationships that last. It takes time and effort, but if modifying my vocabulary slightly will help with that, then it’s an effort worth making. I believe if you’ve read this far then you believe it’s a worthy effort, too.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 
 
Bye!

News of the Pope’s resignation yesterday sent the world into shock, and yet it seems to me that it’s one more incident in a quitting epidemic that’s becoming commonplace in my corner of the world. For the past year, it’s seemed that everywhere I turn people are moving on. Time to change jobs, time to move on, time to retire, time to get anywhere but here. I certainly don’t begrudge people making decisions that better their life (and leave their current places for people who will blossom in the spaces they leave behind), but it brings up an interesting question. 

What do you do when your leader leaves? 
 
I recently read a saying that great leaders don’t create followers, they create other leaders. I think this is true,
and the truth of how good a leader they were can be seen in how the“troops” carry on once they’re gone. If the strength of any organization is in the individuals, then these are the times when you see if the previous leader  created wise, competent, individuals that can keep flowing with the spirit of the organization or mindless drones that have to be led by the nose everywhere. And surviving this “sink or swim” time after a leader leaves brings to light two very important facts:

 1.       Leaders are meant to guide us, not carry us. Internal motivation is the driving factor that should be
moving every individual everywhere, regardless of the circumstances. Did you know that you can still flourish under a lousy leader if you’re motivated enough to seek knowledge and opportunity on your own? It’s true. If a person has a mindset that they are only going to do what they’re told and will never do one thing more than they have to, even the best leader in the world can’t make them succeed. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that following is the fastest road to failure. If you don’t eventually find the strength and courage to stand on your own then you’ll never get further than you are right now. Sure, leaders set the standard and hold us accountable to it, but it’s our responsibility to rise above the minimum. 

2.       Our actions do affect others, and they have a right to react to that, for better or for worse. This is a sticky one. Of course, you should do your very best all the time. Giving your all will help you succeed and it will help the people around you as well. But you also have to realize that we live in a community, so if you decide to shirk
your responsibilities, do the bare minimum, or skip out, then people will react, and they have a right to. Sure, sometimes you have your reasons, and they might be very good reasons. Sometimes you need the grace and mercy of others to get through tough times. Just make sure you don’t make a habit of being a “drama queen” or somebody who’s life is fraught with problems, or you create  unnecessary hardship for yourself. And while I’m on the subject, that brings up an interesting third point:

3.       You never know when you might have to recross a bridge someday. When I started my career, I moved from one division of my agency to another. Three years later, they consolidated the divisions, and all of my old colleagues moved in my office. I was shocked – I never expected that to happen, but it did. I was also very glad I left with a sense of humility and gratitude to them for helping me start my career. So whether you stay, go, or leave it alone, it’s wise to remember that you reap what you sow, and not all paths are linear. You never know where you might come back around – or when someone might come back around to you! 
 
So what does this all mean. How do you survive when your leader leaves? By relying on your own strength, and the strength of those around you. That’s why it’s important to have internal motivation – so you can keep things running even with a significant absence. That’s why it’s important to be accountable not just to your leaders, but to everybody around you – to form a stronger community that works together efficiently. That’s why you mind your manners and always give your best – to help others and shine that light of hope that even though it might be dark and confusing, there is hope and that hope will help you as you find new leaders for the next chapter. 

People come and people go, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to learn from the leaders you have and realize that they are helping to form you into a stronger person that’s able to stand – no matter what. 

That’s all today. Take care and have a good week.

Bye!