Category: Hope

Shatterpoint Conclusion - Grace for You; Grace for Me

7/31/2014

One final stereotype I’d like to shatter is that Christians don’t like anybody that isn’t a believer. That’s not true. In fact, we’re called to go into the world and mingle with all people. If you want to join the faith, great! If not, well, we’re still existing together in this world and trying to make the best of it as we know how.

Christ’s command to love one another means that we respect people, whether they agree with us or not. It means being a decent human being and being polite and courteous to others. It means demonstrating the grace we have received to everybody we meet, and realizing that they have just as much a right to be who they are as we have to be who we are.

In other words, don’t be a jerk. You gain nothing by that. Treat others with the same respect that you want to be treated with, no matter what. It might be reciprocated. It probably won’t in some cases, but living by faith isn’t about what you receive. It’s about doing what’s right because it is right and you want to shine the light of good on the world, and that’s reason enough. Walking the walk is the most powerful testimony you have. Remember, people are influenced by the actions they see; not the words they hear. Everybody’s talking. Not everybody is doing. You can’t expect people to embrace joy if you’re griping and complaining all the time.

Where there’s life, there’s hope, and where hope is, grace abounds. The end times haven’t come yet, so there’s still an unlimited amount of grace to go around in this old world. There’s grace for you. There’s grace for me. There’s grace for everybody! Let’s live in the joy of that grace.

See, Christians aren’t the stuffy, tight lipped, Bible-toting, hard nosed, closed minded morons that you expected. We live in this world one day at a time, just like you do. We even have a unique personality and quirks just like everybody else. We’re still human beings, and we certainly aren’t better than anybody else. All that really makes us different from the rest of the world is where we lay our foundation. Everybody is rooted in something, and our foundation is Christ. What’s yours?

I hope you’ve enjoyed this wild ride through inspiration from somebody that by all rights, should have probably kept it to herself. What can I say? I’m a writer. I guess the extrovert in me won out this time. Now I shall retreat back to the introvert and work on my next novel. Stay tuned. It’s a humdinger.

Grace, peace, and joy to you, now and every day! I’ll see you on social media, my blog, and in my next publication.

Cheers!

Luck?

9/26/2013

When it comes to luck, I seem to get an avalanche because it all hits me at one time. When it's good luck, that's okay. But when it's bad luck, it's rather aggravating. And you've probably guessed that for the past months, it seems I've been on a roll of bad luck. Illness, injury, accidents, things breaking or going wrong, a constant barrage of bad luck. On the one hand, it's minor irritations that are usually handled quickly. But those add up, and pretty soon the minor irritants lead to a major breakdown.

Yes, it happened last week - but the irritations haven't. Just when I thought okay, maybe it's leveling out, I get up this morning to another accident. I broke a dental device that I need to keep the extensive dental work I had when I was younger "in place." I had a lot of dental problems as a kid and in my early teens. They're resolved, thankfully, but proper maintenance is key to making sure they don't come back. So now, I'm fixing to head to the dentist to get it fixed. He said it sounds like it's not really major. It's happened before, and he was able to fix it, so he believes this won't be a big deal. But it's a kink in my day, my schedule, and my life. And maybe it is some luck here, because I'm supposed to be at a conference in Minneapolis right now, but I'm not because of conflicts at work (that are also in the resolution process, but alas, didn't happen in time for me to make this trip). At least I'm home and can get this resolved now.

Some people go through times like this and say "what have I done to deserve this?" or "God must be mad at me." Nonsense. I say "wow, I must really be pissing the devil off for him to be after me like this, and God must be protecting me by limiting the scope." The Bible said time and chance happen to us all - it's just happening to me a lot right now. And I recently read the Book of Job. It's not God's fault that life sucks sometimes. That's the imperfect nature of the world that sin brought in. But that's a discussion for another time. Suffice it to say, I'm hanging in there and refusing to be discouraged. I had a bit of a breakdown last week and I'm not interested in another one, thank you very much.

I'll tell you this: there's no way I'm following people's advice and buying a lottery ticket. They say I'm due good luck and should play it. Heck no! I'm afraid that if I win, I'll die the next day. Or be horribly injured. Or get a terminal disease. The way things are going, I'd be lucky if I didn't win because winning would tempt the devil, fate, or whatever into hitting me with it's best shot. No thanks! Best to leave it alone and not bring gambling into the mix. You buy the lottery ticket and good luck. I don't see that working out for me at all. I'll take a more low key approach and keep working each day. That's always worked to lead to better times, so why stop? Maybe the release of Splinter in a little over a month will turn the tide to better luck, better days, and better ways.

I'm hoping. For now, I'm thankful the scope is limited to minor irritations and I'm hanging in there.

I best be off. Take care. Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a good weekend.

Bye!

Ebbs, Downswings, and Deserts

8/2/2013

We all go through those spells when it seems you can’t get anything going. I’ve heard them called many things. C.S. Lewis referred to it as “The Law of Undulation” in The Screwtape Letters. He describes it as the cyclical nature of live to swing between highs and lows, and the theory that we’re always somewhere on that arc. Sara Ban Breathnach refers to it as “The Ebb” in Simple Abundance – A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. She compares it to the ebb and flow of the ocean tide, and how life goes through seasons of great abundance followed by seasons of stagnation. I’ve heard many Christians refer to these times as “desert seasons,” comparing it to the Hebrew’s 40 years of wandering in the desert prior to coming into the Promised Land. Others call it “the darkness before the dawn.” Whatever you call it, you know how frustrating it can be when you work so hard, day in and day out, and see – nothing.

They’re all right. There are times when life seems like a runaway train and times when you think you’ll have to get out and push this hunk of junk somewhere – anywhere! – except even that probably wouldn’t get you anywhere. It’s frustrating. It’s irritating. And it’s just as much a part of life as the rising and setting of the sun.

Sure, we know that they’re actually periods of slow building to the next blessing on the way, but it’s tough to keep your motivation when all you get is “keep working” and no indication of how close you are to a breakthrough. It’s easy to get discouraged, angry, or frustrated. Many people give up, disillusioned by the deception that things will never change and falling into the trap of actually prolonging their suffering when relief would have been right around the corner had they not abandoned hope. Because if you look at all the descriptions I listed above, you’ll notice they have one thing in common: they all point to a payoff in the end. However stagnant things might seem, remember that the nature of the universe is change. It’s impossible for things to stay the same forever. It just doesn’t happen. So naturally, if you hang in there and keep working hard, you’ll eventually see a breakthrough. It brings truth to the encouragement in Galatians 6:9 which reminds us: “Let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart.”

So how do you keep the hope in these seasons of stagnation? I’m in one of those seasons now, and I can say from experience that it’s tricky. You can post all the inspirational verses in the world all over your house, office and car, but that discouragement and frustration will still come. I fight it every day, in one way or another. Giving up isn’t an option, because I only need to look at my recent past to see that too much good is building up to abandon it. I’m determined to see it through. It’s a vicious cycle because I get frustrated with not seeing progress, and then I get frustrated with myself for losing patience and getting frustrated. That’s one thing about walking in faith – you know what’s right and true, and you get irritated with yourself when your humanity rises to the surface and causes you to get irritated with the challenges before you, knowing that you’re called to walk in patience and that you’re losing it. It’s a constant spiritual battle. I don't know that I'll ever be able to "embrace the ebb" as Breathnach suggests in her November 1st entry.

I think the secret to winning the battle and “fighting the good fight” is that you have to find things that speak peace to your soul. These are the days when the small things as Zechariah 4:10 tells us not to despise are building up to the big blessings of tomorrow. So I give thanks for the blessings I have, and I take advantage of every opportunity, no matter how small it may seem. It’s worked to get me this far, and I know that if I keep walking in this way then it will build up to the next flow in my life. Just today, I found encouragement in an email that Whiskey Creek Press has assigned an editor to Splinter. My first sci-fi novel is on it's way to becoming a reality.

And so, I keep doing my best at all that’s set before me. I do all I can to make things the best I can. I enjoy my husband, birds, home, family and friends. I keep my eyes open to opportunity and prayerfully consider everything before me. I'll work with the good folks at Whiskey Creek Press to make Splinter the best it can be and proudly deliver it to readers in November. I delight in the small things, from the first cup of coffee in the morning, to time writing, to watching a movie, or reading a book, or taking a walk during my lunch break, because if I’m doing all I can then I should enjoy breaks and blessings whenever I have a chance. And I go through each day the best I can, knowing that it will build up to the next blessing in due season.

I often hear people say “God is never late, so be patient!” It’s a good thing He isn’t, and that our times are in His hands. Otherwise, we’d truly be in trouble, because our lack of foresight of the “big picture” would always have us rushing around after we know not what.

Where there’s life, there’s hope – so if you woke up alive this morning, then keep the faith. His mercies are new every morning and you never know which one will bring the next flow in your life.

That’s all today. Happy Friday to you and I hope you have a great weekend.

Bye!

Higher Ground

7/18/2013

Can you see the Colorado River in my picture from the Grand Canyon here? If you squint and look really hard, you can see a green triangle down there at the bottom, just right and down of the center of the picture. That’s it. I remember looking at it and thinking “that’s it? That’s the river that supposedly carved out all of this?”

I was surprised, especially when I saw a special on The Grand Canyon on satellite TV a few weeks ago. That’s a huge river! They have rafting trips along it that last over several days. I was shocked to see this huge river with very active rapids. My perception from the top of the canyon was way off. It looked so small from where I saw it, but if I had been down there at it, I would have seen something completely different. Something that was, indeed, capable of carving out that canyon, and a whole lot more.

I thought about this yesterday as I was reading my devotional. This year, I’m reading A Year with C.S. Lewis, and the reading was from Mere Christianity. He wrote “That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time. When a man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well … he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly. When troubles come along – illness, money troubles, new kinds of temptation – he is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now? Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him in situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us.” Today’s reading continued the course by stating that once God starts working on you, He doesn’t stop – ever – until you attain perfection in Heaven.

That was the word in season that I’ve been seeking. I knew I was getting mired down in things that didn’t really matter. It felt so much like the challenges I face are the same old things, and I wondered why I had to keep going through this, over and over. The devotionals these past two days opened my eyes to the fact that I’ve been mistaking moving up with being stuck and going around the same mountains. It looks the same, but it isn’t. I’m back here not because I didn’t get it last time, but because there’s something else in the situation this time that’s meant to help me rise to a higher level.

But why is this so? The answer struck me yesterday – or within 30 feet of me, literally – when lightening hit a transformer near the traffic light I was at. I saw that bolt of lightening come out of the sky and blow up that transformer. Good grief! That scared me! I just walked out to my car, griping about how running through the rain and thunder was stupid, and here was an indication of what it really was. I wasn’t so tough. I’m a mere human being, at God’s mercy, and I better be glad for it. And being a human being is exactly why these things happen. Time and chance happen to us all, believers or not, but you can count on the fact that if you accept Christ then the Lord is going to use that time and chance to take you out of your shallow little world and lift you up to higher ground. All of life is an evolution process, of moving up from the level you’re at. We’re meant to keep growing, to keep learning, to keep becoming better people as we experience life.

To put it in the context of my Grand Canyon illustration, we aren’t supposed to sit by the river, worrying about what it might do next. Yes, it’s carving rock. It’s transforming the landscape. But you aren’t supposed to sit there and wait. You’re supposed to keep climbing and keep rising so you can see the bigger picture of the beauty it’s creating, from the bottom up.

I know a lot of this sounds like so much mumbo jumbo to a lot of people, but this has been a big discovery for me. Frankly, I chose to stay offline for a few days because I knew that my perception of life was off, and I didn’t feel it was fair to spout my thoughts to the world if they clearly were off base. I knew I needed an attitude adjustment, and I needed it soon before my head got bigger than this statue in Scottsdale that shocked me the first time I saw it. That’s a huge head, and if I didn’t get things in perspective then that could have been me! Well, figuratively anyway. And you know that this is exactly what you think when you run across people that are saying "me, me, me" and "I, I, I" all the time, going on about themselves and their problems all the time. Well, now you have a visual for that. People that are all gloom and doom and so sucked into troubles that they can only see the worst in everything are already defeated by life. They might as well rent a digital billboard because everybody can see it, and nobody wants to get sucked into it. I certainly didn't want to fall into that trap.

I think I understand now that trials and troubles are likely more the norm than those quiet seasons. Evolution is a process that never ends, so something is always going to be worked on or worked out. If you put this in context with Lewis’ Law of Undulation from The Screwtape Letters (that life naturally cycles between highs and lows and every human being is at some point in the cycle their entire life), then you get a truer context on how life works. Change will always be there; resistance will always be there; there’s always going to be one more thing to work through; one more higher goal; one more higher standard to attain. As they say, it is always something. But the something that it is isn’t always what we think. The purpose is not to beat you down, or to break you, but to build you up and help you rise to see things more clearly; to see the beauty in what looks like the jumbled mess of life. There’s a method to the madness. We won’t know what it is until we leave this world, but through our experiences we get glimpses of that truth, and of how it all works together. If we put it in perspective, we can allow it to light our path and feed the hope of our faith, a day at a time.

You all know that I’m a big believer in the verse in Galatians 6:7 about reaping and sowing, but it goes on to explain that there’s a method even to that madness. Read two verses further and you’ll see that Paul uses this principle not to admonish people, but to encourage us to keep fighting the good fight when he says “and let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:9)

Yes, it’s always something. And that’s as it should be. If we persevere, if we take what we’ve learned and allow ourselves to grow, then it’s ascension to a new level. We’ll behold the beauty of what our life is meant to be. And the raging rivers of life don’t look quite so intimidating from up here if we are truly learning from each experience and rising to new levels. The problems of yesterday should be easier now that we’ve learned from them. They might come back every now and then, but they should get smaller as we progress, because we know how to handle them and aren’t intimidated by those old demons any more.

That doesn't mean that I'm okay with anything that happens, or that I have a "whatever" attitude toward life. I still have plenty of questions. I still wonder what good some things do, or if it really took quite that much to get me where I am, or where I need to be. I ask "why" more than is probably good for my faith or my mental well being. But I also realize that there are opportunities in every situation, no matter how small. I'm determined to persevere. I'm determined to rise above circumstance and the things that threaten to drag me down. I refuse to be defeated. Jesus died so we could have and enjoy life, and I'm claiming that promise for my life, every day, no matter what the circumstances. Because there is something to enjoy in each and every day, and we can claim it. It all starts with the small things. Never despise them. They build up to the big things, to the ascension that brings us to that higher ground above our trials and tribulations.

In closing, I’d like to say thank you, Lord, for a word in season. I needed it and hope sharing it here helps others to put their own trials into perspective. But about that lightening bolt. Okay, I got it pretty quick. Now let’s leave blowing stuff up to the sci-fi and fantasy books and movies, okay?

That’s all today. Thanks for hanging in there with me! Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a good weekend.

Bye!

New Covers and Stuff

7/10/2013

Check out the awesome new cover for Move, courtesy of the brilliant artwork of Tatina Villa. I absolutely love it and highly recommend her to indie authors for their book covers. She's great to work with, she works fast, and her prices are very good! You can check out more of her great cover designs at Vila Designs. I found her on the Smashwords recommended list and I highly recommend her too!

Not only that, but I enrolled Move in the Smashwords Summer/Winter promotion. If you buy it there during the month of July, you can get it for half off - that's $1.50! Just go to Smashwords and enter coupon code SSW50 by midnight on July 31 to take advantage of the promotion. And best of all, you can download it in any ebook format there. So there's no excuse because you can get it for any ereader or computer.

It's some good news this week. I also made some much needed revisions to "Home" this week and have posted it to my writing portfolio at Writing.com .

So, of you've followed me on social media then you know another person in my work section resigned yesterday. I don't want any of you to misunderstand my frustration with this situation. I certainly understand that people have to do what they have to do to make their lives better. I would never blame anybody for taking advantage of an opportunity. My frustration comes from two places: First, after being totally and completely displaced three years ago when my job moved, some of the whining I hear over changes sounds like the girl that complained to me about having sinus drainage after I had just recovered from a stomach infection. A runny nose sounds whimpy when you've been on 3,000 milligrams of antibiotics for three weeks, and are in the middle of six weeks of treatment for the internal damage and inflammation the infection left behind. And frankly, some staffing rearrangements and reinterpretations of policies and procedures barely register a blip on my personal radar. But it's pulled the rug out from under some people. Good thing they weren't me three years ago. That was the Hammer of Thor smashing my life to smithereens. What would they have done?

So it's perspective. I see things very differently because of my experiences, and I'm sure my boldness also makes me more likely to stand (and respect those who do rise to it) more than those that take the exit route. But then again, there are also times when it's the better part of wisdom to walk away gracefully and stop fighting a hopeless battle. Who's to say what's right? Well, this is where the other part of the frustration comes in.

You are responsible for doing whatever's necessary to make your life better, but you also have to acknowledge an uncomfortable fact: if you make a major life change that forces other people to make changes to their own life that they didn't plan on, they're going to get pissed off. It's not jealousy, as some people accuse. It's justifiable anger at having their life changed by a decision made by another person. And frankly, it's not a battle you can win. This is a situation where it's 100% impossible to make all of the people happy. You aren't, and you have to live with the fact that some people are going to be mad at you for what you leave behind for them to deal with. What's more, they have a right to be mad. It's a natural response and it's best to let it play out. It's just one of those things that everybody has to deal with on their own and move on the best they can.

I do have faith that things will work out and in fact, I feel very hopeful that we're on the recovery side of all the transition and chaos that's rocked us these past few months. I know I've said many times that I haven't come this far to quit, fail, or give up, and I see signs that others aren't either. I'm seeing strength emerge and courage in the face of uncertainty, and that's a great encouragement to me. Right now, I see the small glimmers of opportunity that, if properly handled, will lead to the great blessings of tomorrow.

We'll get there. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week or even next month, but I see signs of progress. I'm straining to see it, but there's no doubt that it's there. And that's always a good thing. Let's keep our eyes open to those opportunities and we will reap in due season, if we do not lose faith.

That's all today. Have a great rest of the week.

Bye!

The Double Edged Sword of Reality

4/20/2013

To say it's been a hell of a week would be a gross understatement. This week, Americans have been beat, bludgeoned, and bloodied by the hard reality that there are time when life can suck even when you live in the greatest nation in the world. I just read a news report saying that it's been a chaotic week for the nation, and there's absolutely no arguing that. Likewise, there's no getting away from it. Terrorist bombings, manhunts, grounded flights, weather woes, fertilizer plant explosions, poision laced letters to politicians, and then a 23 hour hunt as they closed in on the terrorists responsible for the bombings that opened this week. The news has been overwhelming this week and they're right - there's no turning it off. Everywhere you go, there it is. I remember reading a post on Facebook from someone at Charlotte-Douglas Airport saying it was creepy for people to be gathered around televisions like that and I can certainly understand why. To be at home watching all of this unfold is one thing. To be away from home, seperated from the people, places and things you love, probably adds a sense of isolation.

An yet, isn't that reality? Sometimes it keeps kicking you over and over. Rick said something yesterday about how it seems that the harder it is, the harder it gets. I have to agree. For some reason, it seems that once that ball starts rolling, it doesn't know when to quit. The bad news keeps rolling in. You want to hide, but you can't. It hunts you down. It finds you.

It is a double edged thing, though. Throughout this tragedy, consider how you've seen people come together to help and comfort one another. Consider the law enforcement officers working tirelessly to ensure that the culprits behind the bombings were caught so the people of Boston could feel secure again. Consider the extraordinary steps taken to ensure that nobody was hurt by those poisioned letters. Consider the tireless efforts of the emergency responders to the explosion in Texas. Consider the outpouring of sympathy, support, and encouragement that's been offered.

We've learned a lot about ourselves as Americans this week. We've learned that we aren't afraid and we'll stop at nothing to find and apprehend those that threaten us. We've learned to be compassionate, giving, and sympathetic. We've learned to be very mindful of our surroundings, and that we all have a role to play in the safety and security of our society. We've learned that we're stronger than we imagined. We've learned how much we've grown since 9-11 which, it turns out, is exponentially.

Reality is a double edged sword. It hurts, but the truth it brings also heals and helps us to become better people. Now we must move on from this hellish week and decide what we're going to with what we've learned from all of this.

One things for sure: We are not afraid and we won't be terrorized in our own homes. Take heart in knowing that it seems true that the good will always win over the bad. It might lose battles here and there, but I think last night's events in Boston prove that it will win the war.

That's all today. Have a great weekend and here's hoping next week is MUCH better for us all!

Bye!

Something On My Mind

4/6/2013

Okay folks, this is my blog and today, I feel compelled to share something that has been on my mind for about a month or so. I held back because I wanted to make sure I wasn't being overly-sensitive or taking things out of context, but in reflection and talking with some others, I realize that it's completely within the bounds or normal, how shall I put it - pondering. Yea, that's a diplomatic way to say it.

I've known a number of people that have recently faced trials and life changes similar to the ones I faced a few years ago. Of course, I can relate to their struggles quite well, having been through something similar not too long ago. But one thing that rubs me kind of wrong is that a few years ago, people were quite bold to tell me to get my crap together and move on. I heard a lot of "if I were you" and "you need to get things under control" and "that's just life, you have to be strong and work your way through." I realize this is all true, of course - life throws you curveballs and the only way around is through. I knew that at the time and the truth of that still rings loud and clear. It seems, though, that when the situation goes from "it sucks to be you" to being the one it sucks for, well, that's different.

I asked Rick recently if this realization seemed harsh or hypocritical and he said (exact words): "No. People weren't afraid to get in your face and tell you to get it together. They made it clear that you were to make it stop immediately."

Okay, so it's not just me. There is a level of hypocricy going on.

I could get angry. I could get very frustrated and call people on it. But the truth is, I haven't had to. While nobody's come to me and said "oops, well I guess you aren't the only one reality can kick in the a**" their contrite attitude has clearly indicated that they finally understand what I was trying to communicate before: That it's not so easy when you're in the middle of it. Oops, you can't make things go back to what they are because you aren't God. Oops, you can't force other people to change. Oops, you can't just say "stop" and the universe will heed your call. That big, bad boldness is fine when you're on the mountaintop, but not so practical when you're in the valley and a flood is threatening.

I see that they get it, and I don't think their circumstances are the result of a lack of sympathy at my plight, or anybody elses'. Rather, I think it's the universal truth that reality is an equal opportunity smacker. It will knock us all down and bring us to a humility that we never imagined we'd have to face. I know I've had to become a new person from my own experiences. I had to completely change the way I thought about EVERYTHING and that's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Sometimes, I still have to remind myself to case off those old thoughts and embrace the new. It isn't easy, but to refuse would have been to sentence myself to a life of misery and depression, something that I simply won't have or allow in my life. If it's change my thinking to stay happy or hold to my old thoughts in a life that doesn't fit any more and resign myself to depression and misery, I'll change.

We all have to make that decision at some point. It's going to happen. C.S. Lewis called it The Law of Undulation in The Screwtape Letters, and I believe this is one of the most often ignored truths of life in this world just because it makes us uncomfortable and we don't like it. Life is a series of peaks and valleys. We will have times when we're on top of the world, but eventually the pendulum swings and we find outselves with the world on top of us. Sure, sometimes it's the result of bad decision making, but just as often it's the result of things beyond our control: things change. People change. Circumstances change. As The Bible says, "time and chance happen to them all" (Ecclesiastes 9:11). And all you can do is deal with it, for however long it goes on, until you work your way through to the other side.

So no, I'm not mad at people. Rather, I hate to see them go through such times because I know the pain they fell. It's not fun and I pray it passes for them. That being said, I would like to share some things I noticed going through my own trials that I hope will give others facing hard times some comfort or guidance in navigating their way through the valley:

1. Be honest, first with yourself and then with others. The sooner you face that life is crap for you right now, the quicker you'll find your way through. But also realize the truth that this too shall pass and you won't be here forever. There's always hope. Likewise, don't be ashamed to admit that life isn't roses, unicorns and rainbows. Don't be afraid to tell people, when you must, that things are rough, but you're doing your best to work through. Now that being said;

2. Use discernment in who and what you share. You need to be honest with people, but they also don't need to know every single thing going on in your life. This is especially true when dealing with sensitive family matters. I'm sorry to say it, but there are some people that won't get it and others that will use it against you to embarass you later. I think we've all had those instances where you shared something personal with a friend because you needed to vent, and they brought it up VERY publically later to get a laugh or gain what I call "cool points" with others that they've decided they like better since you shared your woes with them. Keep your inner circle limited to a very few people and even then, use discernment. You don't have to tell everything, nor should you. It's fine to say "yea, I'm dealing with some issues with myself/ job/health/at home right now, but I'm working through and it will be okay. I just need an extra dose of grace and patience right now," and leave it at that. You aren't on reality tv, so you don't need to act like it.

3. Don't be afraid to seek outside advice. The problem with keeping it in your inner circle is that they are biased. They aren't going to be able to fully see the situation and sometimes their advice, although well meaning, will be off base because of the tendency to see what they want/like best (for whatever reasons). It's perfectly reasonable to go to a pastor, therapist, or vocational rehab service, even if just once, to get a clear perspective on the situation as a whole so you can understand how to best proceed. Just be forewarned that those closest to you may take a level of offence. I did this a few years ago and was told by a few "well, I'm sorry we all let you down so much that you had to go to a stranger for help." That's not the case at all. I was realistic enough to know I was too beat and broken to see it logically on my own and that those close to me couldn't see past my own pain (and their pain) to see it clearly either. I was that serious about dealing with things right the first time so we could all move on. A good barometer of knowing when to seek outside counsel is this: if you feel absolutely stuck and paralyzed with no way out, you need a third party intervention. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're strong enough to face all the ugliness of reality and have the determination to work it out correctly, no matter what.

4. Realize that some people "just won't get it" and decide right now if you are able to forgive them. General rule: if somebody prefaces a statement with "if I were you..." cut them off right away. They aren't you and that statement means "I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, but I want to say something so here it is." Likewise, and this isn't flattering but it's absolutely true: Sometimes people are more sympathetic to others because they like them and their situations better than they like you and your situations. Okay, maybe that's harsh, but people are biased based on their own experiences, and what this means is that they'll come down harder on you because there's something in your situation they really hate but they'll be more sympathetic to another facing something similar because they like or relate to something in their situation more. We're all hypocrites, folks,and we all judge. It's not right, but it's true. You have to make the decision to forgive it and move on or you'll stay stuck in the mire of your own problems a lot longer than necessary.

5. There is one, universal solution to all problems. This is the good news, but it isn't easy news. That universal solution is do the right thing. All the time. No matter how hard it is, how much it hurts, who gets angry, or how tired you get. No matter what. And don't stop doing the right thing ever. It might hurt like hell, piss people off, and seem to destroy your life but trust me, it's temporary. Because "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28). Doing right always leads to right in the end. Some battles may be lost, but the war will be won. But taking shortcuts, doing things the easy way, or ignoring things and hoping they will go away will prolong the war indefinitely. It literally took two and a half years for me to get my life settled into something that could be called "normal," but I'm convinced the struggled would still be ongoing if I didn't dig in my heels and determine that I would do things right, no matter how hard I had to work, how tired I got, who got mad at me, or how much it hurt. Let me tell you, it doesn't hurt anymore.

So take it from one that actually did all of these things - it works. You have to be stronger than you imagined possible, but it works.

Am I mad at my realizations? No. People aren't perfect and I made the decision long ago that I wasn't going to get angry or hold grudges. There's no point in it. My mission was to recreate my life and move on in the abundance and blessing I could find in it, and I am. Now I pray that others going through hard times will find the strength to move through and to find their own blessings and abundance on the other side of their trials.

And there is the other side, folks. God promises that there's always hope. I'm living proof. So keep fighting on to do what's right, and it will be fine. That's a promise you can count on.

That's all today. Take care and have a good weekend.

Bye!

Dealing With Change

1/13/2013

I recently posted an article on EzineArticles titled "Resistance is Futile - But We Do It Anyway." It is, ironically, based on a blog I wrote about a year ago about massive life changes that I went through in 2010 and how I had to learn how to incorporate change in my life because, well, I had no choice. When everything changes, you adjust or you live in misery. It's as simple as that.

And yet, people still believe they can fight change. They figure that if they kick and scream enough, it will stop in it's tracks and their will shall prevail.

If only.

I did learn a lot about dealing with change during that period of time in my life and it's a good thing I did, because change has been a constant force since then. There are no ruts in my life, as things haven't been still long enough to leave much more than footprints where I've been. It's been a constant cycle of adapting, adjusting, learning, and growing. If I was afraid of change before, I can tell you that I've been desensitized to it now. I wouldn't say I've come to the point of embracing change, but I will say that I accept it and have a willing attitude to work through it to find the best ways to incorporate it into my life.

A lot of people fear change, but it's the only way toward progress. We can't move forward if we stay put, and we can't grow unless we stretch out of our comfort zone. It takes a lot of courage to stop fighting and start working it from the perspective of bettering your life and the situations you face. It's also a challenge, because it means that keeping balance in your life is a constant issue. You're always adjusting and trying to find the best way to fit things in your life. So this new thing is here - how does it fit? Does it mean that something has to go? And what if the change meant the removal of something? What do you do with the gap left? How do you fill it? Or do you fill it? Change brings about a lot of questions.

Last February, I sat in Miami International Airport thinking of all the changes I had faced and asked myself "is this where I want my life to go? Is it heading in a direction I'm happy with?" At the time, I had no answer to that question, and it scared me. I was still overwhelmed by it all, and didn't understand where it was leading. Since then, I've come to discover that the reason I didn't have the answer was because I was still trying to figure out what it all meant. And the truth is that sometimes, you may not know and never find out. You simply must play the hand you're dealt to the best of your ability. Stay in the game, even if you aren't sure what the end goal is.

I still don't have the answer to the question of the direction of my life, and the reason finally hit me just a few days ago: I don't have all of my eggs in one basket. Ecclesiastes 11:6 says "plant early in teh morning, and work until evening, because you don't know if this or that will succeed. they might both do well." I've certainly taken that advice. It's not just my job that I have in my life, but my writing as well. I've sowed widely, and I'm still waiting to see what produces a harvest in my life. The work move has worked to better my programs overall, but we're still working through some issues of new requirements and changes that have come from it. And my writing is progressing. It's slower than I'd like, but I am working to build a readership and to establish myself as a "serious" writer that's here to stay. I see growth in both areas, but it's still too early to know which will produce the abundance, or if somehow both will work for a bigger purpose that I can't see yet. So I continue to work at both, to grow and learn, and to have faith that all is working out, no matter how many times the pieces are changed or moved around.

Change is scary, and I admit that when I face something new or different then that moment of panic usually does hit me at some point. I have to remind myself all the time that things have worked out this far, and if I remain faithful and do what's right, there's no reason why there isn't hope for a better tomorrow. That helps me find the courage to stand up and face it. That helps me find the courage walk on in faith. That is the one thing that keepe me going through it all - hope.

And if you have hope, you have all you need.

That's all today. Have a great week.

Bye!

Let it Be (or Mind Your Own Business!)

1/4/2013

As we head into a new year, I ponder my resolution to have better balance in my life on a number of levels. One of those (very important) levels is in the area of stress reduction and reducing worry in my life. I think these are things we all struggle with, and recently I've come to realize there's a great deal that we impose on ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships.

This realization came after having several people tell me things that other people said and/or did over the past few weeks and asked what I thought of it. I remembered that when I was under a therapist while going through my life changes a few years ago, one of the things she told me was that the secret to finding balance was realizing what was and wasn't my business. "You concern yourself with your responsibilities and what you control and let go of the things in the hands of others," she said. That's certainly true, and in fact remembering this advice upon being asked my opinion on these various situations and issues made me realize that people, in general, bring on a lot of their own stress by worrying about or fretting over things that other people think, say or do - things they have absolutely no control over.

Why do we do this? My first reaction was that it's arrogance. Frankly, we all have a tendency to beleive that everything is all about us - and that's wrong. The truth is that everything people think, say and do is all about THEM. It's a reflection of how they see the world. Even if they say that "others made me do it," the truth is that they made the decision on how to perceive things and on how to proceed. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. Plus, by nature, people are going to do what's best for them and the ones closest to them. Why should they do something that benefits you 100% and them none at all when you aren't the center of THEIR world?

So there's one reason, but I don't think that's all of it, nor the major portion. In fact, I think if that were the whole reason, then it would mean that people in general are extremely selfish and short sighted, and I don't believe that such a narrow view applies to most people most of the time. Some maybe, but absolutely not all. Maybe not most. And remember, I said there's some truth to this. Maybe it's a small part, but I don't think that's a "once size fits all" explanation for it. Most people learn, grow, and gain a wider perspective on the world and as such, they aren't so shallow.

I believe another reason is that we want everybody to like us. The problem is, I recently read that there was actually some scientific study that at least 10% of people aren't going to like you. Frankly, I was surprised the percentage was that low. I thought it would be closer to 30%, but the latest study I read said 10% so we'll run with that. Why is this? Plain and simple, personality differences. Some types just don't play well together. If you don't believe it, ask any extremely emotional person I've come in contact with and they'll tell you I'm mean and don't give a crap about their feelings. I am, by nature, a person that leans more toward logic and reason in making decisions than emotion. I usually don't get along well with extremely emotional types that "just want peace" and "want everybody happy right now" because I beleive happiness comes from investing the time and hard work to do things right no matter how you feel about it "right now." If you do what's right, then it will work out in the end, and that's a happiness that last; not a vapor of high emotion that wears off when the party is over and the consequences have to be paid. In fact, since I've been working in professional licensing, I'd say my tendency to make decisions based on logic and reason have become a stronger because by nature of my profession, I'm obligated to do what's right no matter how people feel about it. I don't think that's a bad thing (of course), but I've caught some flack about it because I'm female, and by stereotype I'm supposed to be all about feelings. While I'm ok to say "alright, forget the 10% and thank God for and enjoy the other 90%, well, some people get awfully fixated on that 10% and believe that if they work harder then they can get a 100% approval rating. It seems their effort would be better spent nurturing relationships with the other 90% but in fact, sometimes they turn on the ones on their side to gain approval they'll never have, counting on forgiveness from that 90% that might come, but not realizing that it will have a higher price than they bargained for because broken trust is a very hard thing to rebuild. But it happens, all the time. I've experienced it; I've seen it; I've written about it. Hey, I'm a writer. The ugly underside of humanity is a playground of inspiration. Expose it to me at your own risk.

Just kidding - maybe. And a sidenote on the emotion thing: I'm interested to see if the stereotype of "hysterical emotion" in women downplays as more generations of women have careers.Working women don't have time to fret over every little wayward comment, rolled eye, questionable social media post, tear or tirade that comes their way. Or at least, me and my colleagues don't. But we'll see as time tells this particular tale.

So there's that. But not all people are emotional and out for approval ratings that would make politicians jealous, so reason #2 can't apply to everybody. But it does apply to enough that I believe it should be considered.

There is one more reason, and I think it applies to most of us. I believe the reason people get tied up in what others think, say and do is because they don't want to be alone in how they think or feel. They want to know that others agree with them. They want others to have an opinion with them, or to get mad with them, or to be sad with them, or to take up the cause with them because they don't want to be the only freak swimming against the tide. They want to know they're like everybody else and what the other person is doing is wild/selfish/stupid/crazy/nonsense/whatever. They don't want to be alone in their opinion or feelings because they don't want to look in the mirror and ask "is it them, or is it me?" We all want to be right. We all want the world to understand that our opinion is just as important as everybody elses'. We all want respect. Nobody wants to be a nobody. They want people to know that they're here, that they have value, and that they are just as important as the other 7+ billion people in the world.

Here's the thing, though: Going about it by getting tangled up in other peoples' business is a sign of insecurity. If you truly walk in faith and you're confident in yourself as the authentic human being you were created to be, then you don't need to beg or scream for attention. You humbly go about your own business, believing that the life God set before and the purposes you serve speak for themselves.

That's the cure. That's how you break free from this stress. You get busy living your own life and tending to your own businss and have the grace to accept others and the decisions they make without intruding into their lives with your opinions.

Does this mean you ignore others and don't care what they do? Of course not. You should always do your best to help people in need and if there's something you can do to help others on their life path, you certainly should. The key is to use common sense and discernment. Yes, we all have opinions on things, but we don't need to share them all the time. Everything that flies through your head doesn't need to fly out of your mouth. If you aren't asked for your opinion or advice, assume it's not wanted or needed and keep it to yourself. I'd even go so far as to say that you should still use caution in giving advice even if you ARE asked for it. As one of the elves said in The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, "elves don't give advice because all paths may run ill." Think before you speak. If in doubt, don't. And realize that advice is a take it or leave it thing - and in many cases, people leave it, so be prepared to have your advice or opinion rejected just in case and be prepared to not get offended. And please, for the love of God, if it won't make any difference and you have a thought - don't. Stop right there and go no further. If it's done and/or there's no way it's changing no matter what anybody says and you really need to get it out, set up a private blog or buy a journal to work it out, but don't go off on tirades and complain to everybody in the world about things you can't control involving people close to you. And don't ask or expect people to take sides with you unless you want to do the equivalent of renting a billboard that says I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. It makes you look bad and it makes other people run like hell from you when they see you coming. If it's something so big that you can't live with it, find a way to either deal with it or distance yourself from the situation. Just because a war's going on doesn't mean you have to be a soldier in it. Other people might want you to have their problems, but they can't draft you. You don't have to accept them and if you choose not to accept their problems, well then, it's over.

The point of this mile long blog is that I'm coming to understand that balance is something that we have to strive for in every area of life, and personal relationships are certainly a big element there. We do live in the world, with people, so having good, balanced relationships is an extremely important thing. And one way we can achieve balance in our relationships is by not being a busybody, minding our own business, and having the grace to let it be.

Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I hope you had a Happy Friday and that you have a great weekend.

Bye!

Office Politics - In Fiction and Reality

10/9/2012

I’m often asked if the things that happened to Jana Lanning in my recent novel, Anywhere But Here, actually happened to me. For those of you that haven’t read this novel, Jana Lanning, the protagonist, is denied admission to graduate school, finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her, helps her best friend get married and move out of town, and has to settle for a job that she’s overqualified for – and all of this happens within two weeks of getting her undergraduate degree. Then to make things worse, the office where she works starts a merger with another firm and Jana finds herself on the wrong end of office politics that are the final straw in her battle with depression. The thing people seem the most interested in are the office politics. People want to know if the happenings at Dixon Financial are reflective of my job before it was transferred to a new agency a couple of years ago.

In response to that I’d say not entirely, but I can’t deny that some things that happened to me early in my career are reflected in people and events that take place in the book. I know that’s cryptic, but bear in mind two things: The people and events are fictionalized and that was accomplished through a mixture of my personal experiences, experiences I’ve seen and heard of from other people, and instances I’ve read about in books, magazines, news and other media. It came from a vast pool and I’ll admit that I had experience with being on the wrong end of office politics – heck, how could you write about it even from a fictionalized perspective unless you lived it in some way – but it’s also a universal issue that anybody working in an office environment is going to be on one end or the other of. And sorry folks, but there are probably going to be times when you find yourself on the wrong side, at least from the perspective of the majority.

My purpose in both writing Anywhere But Here and this entry isn’t to bash my former workplace. These things happened a decade ago, and I must admit that I said and did things that weren’t wise and didn’t lead to the best resolution in the situations I faced. I certainly learned from those experiences and in retrospect, I’m glad I learned those lessons early in life or I certainlywouldn’t be where I am now. The purpose is to share lessons learned, because this is something that I believe everybody in the workforce faces at some time. It makes you feel isolated and lonely when it happens, but the truth is that you aren’t alone. Lots of people face it but few talk about it because frankly, it’s embarrassing.

I used to think that people playing office politics were selfish jerks that like to hurt people, but experience has shown me that it actually grows from a root of fear. People that play with power are insecure and doubt their own ability, so they create an elaborate game of turning people and things to their advantage. I’ve found that there are 2 good ways to identify a person that is likely to use power to their advantage:

1.They cling tightly to cliques that are made up of people that are higher on the chain of command than they are; and

2.They don’t associate with anybody on the chain of command below them unless it’s absolutely necessary - and those people better give them what they want immediately or it’s insubordination.

It’s the people in category #2 that usually find themselves on the losing end of office politics because any wrong word or deed will be met with fierce retaliation. I won’t say that I never see office politics anymore, but I have found that I find myself in these situations a lot less since I’ve been reclassified to a mid-level position. I’d like to think this is because I’ve proven that my knowledge and abilities are valuable, but it’s more likely that I learned valuable lessons on how to deal with these types from previous experience – and people know it.

So what’s the secret to dealing when you’re the victim of office politics? If you’re right, stand by that. Don’t ever cave in and take the quick and easy way out because that’s a temporary end. If they’d turn on you once, they’ll turn on you again. Caving in only shows that you can be taken advantage of, and they will milk that dry, plus the consequences of doing wrong will follow you a lot longer than standing up for what’s right. They might not like you, but they’ll respect you and at least know not to let you catch them with their hand in the cookie jar again. If you aren’t right, correct yourself immediately and stick to your guns in walking down the right road. And whichever situation you’re in, it’s imperative that you have patience. Truth will show itself in time and it will be end game then. It might take months or even years for things to come around, but they will and you’ll be better off for it. The reward will come in patient endurance, and it will be something that nobody can deny. Sure, there are people that are so stubborn that they’ll refuse to change their mind no matter what happens, but don’t worry about them. Leave them in their ignorance and move on because it’s highly probably that they’ll be gone in time themselves.

I believe Jana Lanning in Anywhere But Here is a good personification of office politics gone wrong, because she’s the one in the weakest position. She didn’t do anything wrong and in fact suffered for doing right, but recent personal losses kept her from taking a stand in the right way and the right timing. The people that create these situations are masters at turning things against you even if you didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s exhausting to constantly defend your own character. Unfortunately, she found this out too late and suffered the consequences of crossing the wrong people simply by being who she was and not deferring to people doing things wrong. She was right and had proof of it, but she didn’t know how to present that truth in a combative work environment. That happens sometimes, and it’s awful. I think the worst offence in the world is to have to suffer for other peoples’ mistakes, and office politics are the ultimate example of that.

I think this is why eople tell me that they find Jana Lanning so likeable. She’s a good person that doesn’t deserve the hard knocks that come her way from people taking advantage of her shy nature, youth, and inexperience. She makes the same mistakes that all of us made in our early adulthood and we understand her confusion at why life is kicking her around. Reality is a hard teacher, and it’s the only one that can do the job once school leaves off. Remember the movie “St. Elmo’s Fire” from the 80’s? That strange, new world opening up is the exact thing that Jana faces, and we understand exactly where she’s coming from. She, like the rest of us, has to learn to find those gems of opportunity in the rubble of defeat to rebuild a new life from shattered dreams. In some ways, we may even relate to her right where we’re at, because life is always teaching us lessons.

So no, I didn’t start out in life exactly like Jana did. I actually did marry my college sweetheart, but I never made it to graduate school because I found other things that I believed were worth more in my life than higher education. I never struggled with depression, but I knew (and still know) many who do battle that demon, and I hope Jana’s struggle helps people with depression understand that this is a battle they can win if they stay in the fight. But yes, I did go through an office merger in my early years in the workforce, and I found myself prey to the power plays, albeit in much different circumstances. All I can say is that wisdom comes from experience, and I gained plenty in those few years.

And lest you think it’s impossible for poor Jana to face so much at one time, I call your bluff. Too much smashing my life to bits was the catalyst for my next novel, Splinter – but that’s one for a future blog entry. I’ll address it closer to the release date in mid 2013. Until then, enjoy Anywhere But Here and my other books - information on them and links to buy are on the other tabs of this website. I hope you find entertainment and inspiration in them.

That’s all today.

Bye!

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