Rick and I saw the Noah movie last weekend. While it certainly isn’t a strict interpretation of the Biblical account of the flood, it does make you think. One question Rick asked after seeing the movie was especially relevant: why is it so hard for people to do the right thing? We’ve erred to the point of destruction once, and it looks like we’re heading that way again – and The Bible promises that there will be no survivors next time. Indeed, the “destruction by fire” they referred to in the movie is quite real, and still yet to come.

He posed an interesting question. Take a look around, and I think you’ll agree that people struggle to do what’s right, and some struggle more than others. There’s no doubt of the evil in our nature, and the fact that we battle it every day of our lives. But where do we draw the line between fighting it and giving in? And why is that “breaking point” so different for every person? For every person I know who tries their darnest to do what’s right, I can point to another one that can’t make a good decision and lives in a state of constant chaos and struggle with others. And so, we argue over grace and works, when in fact there is no debate at all. Paul clearly said that Christ’s sacrifice wasn’t a “get out of hell free” card, and that there’s no such thing as sinning for the sake of grace abounding. It doesn’t work that way, and yet we still act like it does (some more than others). We’ve been flat out told by Jesus that we’re expected to do what’s right, and grace isn’t an excuse to live however we want and pull the chute before we fall into hell. We can say the ends justify the means all day, but in the end the means are all that really matters. The ends will come, no matter what. How we get there matters.

 So why is this a problem? Some say our sinful nature, and that’s true – but we need to drill it down further. What is it about our nature that keeps us in this trap? It’s been happening from Adam and Eve until right now. We struggle with it, from generation to generation. We’ve been destroyed once over it and have been promised that we’ll be destroyed again. What is our Achilles heel? I pondered it, and I think I know what the problem is. Take a look around, a real look, and I think you’ll agree: Our feelings are the culprit.

That’s right, it’s our emotions. We’re addicted to the dopamine high of happy feelings, and are willing to forsake wisdom, logic, and even common sense if it means we can be happy a little bit longer. We submit to our feelings too often and what’s right too little. We’re addicted to being happy. And that’s our downfall.

Certainly, some people are more prone to this than others. Temperament plays a big part of how much of a struggle it is. Some can see how the devil works on our emotions better than others, and naturally they put up the better fight. But there’s no question that this is Satan’s biggest foothold in our psyche, and he knows how to play it like a violin. Worse yet, it’s not too hard to hear him fiddling away if you’re of a personality type that’s more prone to logic and judgment than  feeling and reacting.

Am I saying that feelings don’t matter? Absolutely not. God gave us feelings, so obviously they aren’t all bad. It’s just that we tend to give them more weight than they deserve. We were created to love, and work, and do His will – not to live in the isolation of keeping “self” happy. And that’s exactly what not guarding our emotions will lead to: isolation. If you don’t step outside of yourself and look at things with a balance of logic, then you wall yourself in and drive others out. It’s all about living in a balance and being happy with what’s right, not with what makes us feel good. I’ve read a lot about guarding your emotions and the trouble the devil can cause with them if we don’t learn when and when not to pay attention to them. Our duty is to love God and do what’s right, not to feel good all the time. We tend to forget that “happy” is a side effect of living right, not the main goal. Too often we take it for the cheeseburger when it’s really the fries.

I can tell you this: there’s a chink in our armor, and the devil knows it. Do you really want to let him rip it open and bend your mind to his will? Or do you want to take dominion over your mind and do what’s right? The choice is yours. Remember what I say so often: you can’t change the world from the outside. It happens from the inside, and now you know there’s a battle in your mind to keep you enslaved. What are you going to do about it?

That’s all today. Take care. Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend.

Bye!

Can anybody explain to me why things are turning into high drama these days? Did I miss something while I was reigning in my life and getting Splinter ready for publication?

At first, I thought this might be the case. Since Labor Day, I’ve seen people making a huge, drama deal out of things that were, for all intents and purposes, no big deal. The first time, I passed it off as well, that knocked the slats out from under them and apparently they were affected in a big way by it. The second time, I thought it was people making something out of nothing. But there was another instance yesterday when somebody had explosive reaction to a simple request, and that made me wonder: what’s going on? Is there something in the water supply and Rick and I escaped it because we’re on a well? What is it? I shared my experience with Rick and he agreed that it was a big reaction to a small thing, and that we’ve seen a lot of this in a variety of places in recent weeks.

So what’s up, folks? Because when you make big drama out of minuata, it looks like one of three things:

1.      You’re hiding something;

2.      Something triggered a guilty conscious reaction; or

3.      You’re trying to stir things up. 

Far be it from me to judge or even speculate. I’m not asking for the story, but I sense chaos swirling. Keep it on your turf, please. I have enough crazy in life. I’m not accepting any more. And frankly, I understand that everything isn’t my business (thank God), nor do I want to impose myself on it. I have my hands full with attending to my own life, thank you very much. 

Just know this: these huge reactions are as good as a billboard saying SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG!! If that’s not the message you intend to send, present it more accurately. If you are throwing hints, I’m not asking questions, but realize that not everybody will be that gracious. Busybodies abound, and eventually someone will start digging. It won’t be me, but someone will come with a shovel to start excavation. Be careful. They might dig up more than you want.

Maybe it’s simpler than all of that : people being themselves. I mean, the President and Congress are doing whatever they darn well feel like. They're acting like a bunch of girls that are mad because the boy they like took someone else to the Homecoming Dance. If they're acting like that, why shouldn't everybody else do what they darn well please, and throw violent fits and blame games over the consequences?

Whatever the case, I’ve decided not to spend any more mental energy pondering it, because there’s no figuring it out, and I’m averse to wasting my time. But whatever it is that’s the source of the drama – big, small, anywhere in the middle, or absolutely nowhere – good luck with that. 

That is all. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 

Bye!


 

On this, my 38th birthday, I find my self pondering the progress of the past year. I suppose this is a natural thing to do on a birthday. On first glance it could seem disappointing, as there are no "major" changes to report, but that's actually deceptive. There have been changes in the past year, but they've been more in the way of "shifts" instead of what could be clearly defined as "changed." I suppose this sounds somewhat elusive, so of course I'm going to explain.

The progress of the past year has actually been more in the way of building on things that have already been in motion. While it doesn't seem that much has changed - after all, life is progressing along very much the same today as it was a year ago - I can't say that I think about or feel the way that I did about life as I did one, two, or five years ago. In fact, as I ponder it, I notice that my paradigm has shifted quite a bit in the last 4 years. I suppose this is natural. My job changed and I finally broke into publication with my writing in 2010 - 2011, and while these things are "the norm" in my life right now, I see how incorporating those changes into my life has changed my view of life and the world. My basic morals haven't changed. That's not something that's likely to change. But the way you see the world around you and apply those morals can change, and I'm starting to see the evidence that it's happened. When you walk in faith long enough, you delve deeper into things, and that's certainly what's happened to me.

So how have I changed? For one, I'm seeing a whole new application of the concept of "reaping and sowing," as described in Galatians 6:7. You all know that this is one thing that my grandfather was a big believer in, and I took it to heart. But this verse applies to more than just relationships with other people and how you treat them - it also applies to progress and purpose in life. In fact, if you shift two more verses you'll read that "in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9) After several years of hard work to re-establish myself professionally in my current workplace and to get my writing established, I see the value of patience in all that we do. If life really is a series of ups and downs, reaping and sowing, then that has big implications for all of life. If we choose to only allow ourselves to be happy on the mountaintop, when we're reaping the rewards of our labors, then we're guaranteed to be miserable (or at least, withholding our own happiness) at least 50% of our life. Folks, that just isn't acceptable to me. That's not going to do it. Sure, there are some people that enjoy being miserable and whining and complaining to get attention, but that's not the way I choose.

I know from experience that there are blessings in every day because I've been through the major life changes when I looked back and realized that there were little blessings that I took for granted, and I was sorry for it. An example: before my writing was published, I used to do counted cross stitching and wrote short stories. Much to my surprise, I find that I have very little time for that now, between promoting my published works and creating new ones. I love my writing and pray daily that it will continue to grow and reach more people - in fact, I'm prayerfully striving to make a break into science fiction with Splinter this fall - but there are some days when I miss having the time to cross stitch, or to goof off on Writing.com with short story contests. I didn't realize how much time these things filled in my life until my writing grew to the point where I had to make decisions about what stayed and what went. I still stitch occasionally, but large projects are out now. And as for short stories, they take me longer to write, prepare, and complete than they once did. And ditto for the work move. I was glad to make it and still believe it was the best, but I didn't realize the little things I took for granted, like talking to a couple of my friends when things got slow, the great walking paths on the State House grounds, a covered parking spot or those outstanding subs for a great price on Tuesdays and Fridays. Yes, I've gained a lot through both changes. I wouldn't undo either of them or the world because I gained a lot more than I lost. But I did learn to not despise the small things, and to appreciate the small blessings that go with each day as well as the big things we work so hard to cultivate and grow in our lives.

Some people say this means to "enjoy the journey on the way to where you go," but I think there's a deeper meaning than that. A devotion I read recently said, "God doesn't want you to be happy. He wants you to do what's right." That really hit me and helped me to get a grasp on my own paradigm shift. I used to think that the point was about being happy, and I actually worried for a little while, wondering if I'd ever be happy like I was before. I see now that I won't, because happy is a side effect. The purpose of life is not to serve our feelings, but to do what we're supposed to be doing and work hard to do what's right for our purpose in life. If you are faithful in well doing and obedient to the spirit, there's a contentment to your life that nothing - situations, circumstances, or other people and their attitudes (because that really reflects on them more than anything else, but that's a pondering for another entry) - can affect. You can rest in knowing that you're doing all you can, and that allows you to enjoy the blessings of every day, large or small. And contentment is better than happiness. It's more stable, because you can still see the blessing in what you have even if a thousand aggravations are bleeding out of them. It's built on a firmer foundation that gives you the patience to hold out for the "bigger picture" even if you don't understand what the point is (as is often the case). It's built on a trust between you and the Lord and nobody else can put their hands on it. And that can give you the courage to do what's right, even in the face of ridicule, opposition, or doubt. Happiness is transient and comes and goes with circumstances. Contentment is faith in action.

No, the earth hasn't moved in the last year. Things look much the same today as they do every other day. But I know they aren't. I see how the work at the everyday levels is building to something new and better. I might not know what yet, but when it is revealed then I'll reap a reward in due season, and be glad I didn't lose heart.

That's all today. I hope you have a great week.

Bye!

There are some phrases in widespread, common use that seem to be universal hot buttons to piss people off. Really, I don’t understand how it became commonplace for people to say things that erode the very respect that relationships are built on, and yet I hear people say it – and complain about having these things said to them – frequently. 

Certainly, we should always be honest and authentic in our dealings with people, but discernment is an absolute necessity in our dealings with ALL people. Just because it flies through your brain doesn’t mean it needs to fly out of your mouth, and in fact there are many times when it’s best to keep that thought in your head and fake it till you make it with your words (or silence, depending on the situation). For example, here are some phrases you should eliminate (or at least, drastically reduce) in your vocabulary that will garner more respect, motivate people to cooperate and work well with you, and make you appear more intelligent and savvy:

1.   “Whatever.” Nothing coveys the ignorant-inconsiderate-jerk trifecta like this one word phrase. You have the entire English language at your disposal and that’s all you’ve got? If it is, then it’s time to recognize the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, the best course of action is to gracefully back away and let silence be golden. And if you refuse to exercise the right to remain silent, then a simple “I hope that works out for you and wish you luck” is much more dignified than throwing out something that makes you look like a cross between an immature tween and a person that’s learning English as a second language -  and isn’t quite getting it.

2.    “Do what you’ve got to do.” I don’t hear this one as much as I used to, but it’s still out there, and it’s a sin for the same reasons as “whatever.” More accurately, that’s redneck for “I don’t like what you’re doing and would move Heaven and Earth to stop you, but that would reveal me as a selfish jerk to the rest of the world and I don’t want to do that, so go on and get this over with so you can get back to doing things that make me happy.” It isn’t your job to like or even understand everything that other people do, so let go and accept that people have a right to lead their lives, do things, and make decisions that work best for them regardless of what you say, think, or need. Instead, say “I understand this is important to you.” Even if you don’t and you hope it blows up in their face, just fake it and at least acknowledge their right to live as they see fit.  Because I guarantee you’ve done things that made them go “Hmmm” in the past . Plus,  if you want people to stay interested in your life, then you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and their life, even if you don’t care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. 

3.   “That’s not my problem.” I stand back when people say this because it’s an open invitation for the universe to hit you with its best shot, and that’s a challenge it ALWAYS accepts. Sure, you aren’t responsible for every single thing that happens in the world, and there are some things that aren’t your business, but have some dignity in declining to accept responsibility that you feel isn’t yours. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that” is much more gracious and doesn’t invite fate, the universe, the world, or whatever you wish to call it to deliver an entirely new batch of problems into your life. Fake sympathy for the other persons’ plight even if you don’t really feel it because you WILL be at the receiving end of this one day, and the measure you get will be the measure you’ve given. It happens to us all.

4.  “You don’t really want that,” or “Stop wasting your time on that and do this instead.” Excuse me, when did God appoint you to His position, because that’s what it looks like you’re playing at with either variation of this. You have no way of knowing what’s in other peoples’ hearts or what plans are in store for them, and they aren’t required to get your approval for it, either. People have a right to make their own decisions. You never know what might happen and statements like this may very well make a fool of you one day. Don’t take a chance. 

5.  “I told you so.” Even if you preface it with the I-hate-to-say-it-but clause, it’s still ridiculous because they already know. Demonstrate some maturity and don’t gloat over somebody’s failings, even if they asked for it and everybody knew it was foolishness from the start. As I said in the last statement, people have a right to make their own decisions and that means having the grace to let them make their own mistakes. Pray they’ve learned from the experience, and don’t gloat lest you wander into folly someday. Because none of us are as smart as we think we are. 
 
6.    “ I did that too, and let me tell you how I did it better.” Nobody likes a know-it-all or a show off, and a constant need to one-up people blinks “I’m insecure!” brighter than a digital billboard. You don’t have to be in the spotlight every minute of every day. Back down and let others have their day in the sun every now and then. Because we all know that nobody’s done everything under the sun, and there will always be people out there that have done it bigger, better and more recently than you have. Let go of the competition to always be #1 and learn to be happy with the life the Lord gave you.

7.   “If I were you, I’d …” Turn off anybody that prefaces a statement with this immediately, because it’s a clear sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about. Wisdom gives options. Experience shares insight. Ignorance says that if they were you, they’d go out and kick the world in the you-know-where, and that’s most often foolishness that would make a bigger mess of things if anybody were dumb enough to take this advice. Plus, they wouldn’t have the guts to actually do it, because some people are good at telling people to do things they wouldn’t dare do themselves.

8.     “You should make them do it.” Guess what? Scientists have found the center of the universe and it’s not you. That’s the fastest way to run a person out of your life. You don’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do, and if you try to then trust me – you’re ego can’t handle what they really think about you. If you have to control someone every minute to “keep them in line,” then you’re trying to force them into a place or relationship where they don’t belong. Don’t beg people to be your friend or try to force them to your will. Pray for what Joyce Meyer refers to as “divine connections.” Those are friends and acquaintances that you get along with so well that you don’t want to change them because you appreciate how their uniqueness enriches your life. 

9.     “I would NEVER do that/accept that/put up with that.” Never say never or the Lord will make you do it to show you who the boss really is. One never in your life that’s absolute: you never know what life has in store for you. Someday you could well be dining on crow while dealing with something that you thought you were too smart/special/good for. Life has a way of humbling us, and the “I would never” statements are a GPS on how to get that done. 

10.   Anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you and your family” at a visitation or funeral. Anything else sounds stupid and believe me, there’s nothing clever or inspirational you can say that will get through people in the depths of grief. The dumbest things I’ve ever heard have all been said at visitations and/or funerals because people try to justify death and offer comfort in religious platitudes. Folks, I’m Christian too, but this isn’t seminary or time to play preacher. I remember what C.S. Lewis wrote about death not being natural because human beings weren’t created to die and it’s the most painful consequence that we pay for sin. He’s absolutely right. There’s nothing right about death and there’s no way to wrap it up in pretty phrases or platitudes that makes it suck less. So give it up. Don’t engage in conversations with the bereaved if they try to start one, either. This isn’t the time or place to engage in theological discussions, discuss anything beyond condolences for the loss (no gossip or “what’s up with me” statements), and it certainly isn’t appropriate to leverage your personality or make a big impression. It’s a subdued occasion so dial it down, make an appearance, and for goodness sake, shut up.

Maybe you relate to some of this and are nodding, saying thank you for revealing it! Or maybe you see it as a calling out. I certainly don’t mean it that way, and I admit that I’m guilty of uttering some of these phrases. In fact, I  had to work at cutting the “whatever” and “I told you so” out of my vocabulary, and I get along with people so much better now that it’s gone. My point is not to say “shame on you.” It’s  to shed light on small things that chip away at trust and give guidance that I’ve learned in building bridges to cooperative relationships that last. It takes time and effort, but if modifying my vocabulary slightly will help with that, then it’s an effort worth making. I believe if you’ve read this far then you believe it’s a worthy effort, too.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 
 
Bye!

As we head into a new year, I ponder my resolution to have better balance in my life on a number of levels. One of those (very important) levels is in the area of stress reduction and reducing worry in my life. I think these are things we all struggle with, and recently I've come to realize there's a great deal that we impose on ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships.

This realization came after having several people tell me things that other people said and/or did over the past few weeks and asked what I thought of it. I remembered that when I was under a therapist while going through my life changes a few years ago, one of the things she told me was that the secret to finding balance was realizing what was and wasn't my business. "You concern yourself with your responsibilities and what you control and let go of the things in the hands of others," she said. That's certainly true, and in fact remembering this advice upon being asked my opinion on these various situations and issues made me realize that people, in general, bring on a lot of their own stress by worrying about or fretting over things that other people think, say or do - things they have absolutely no control over.

Why do we do this? My first reaction was that it's arrogance. Frankly, we all have a tendency to beleive that everything is all about us - and that's wrong. The truth is that everything people think, say and do is all about THEM. It's a reflection of how they see the world. Even if they say that "others made me do it," the truth is that they made the decision on how to perceive things and on how to proceed. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. Plus, by nature, people are going to do what's best for them and the ones closest to them. Why should they do something that benefits you 100% and them none at all when you aren't the center of THEIR world?

So there's one reason, but I don't think that's all of it, nor the major portion. In fact, I think if that were the whole reason, then it would mean that people in general are extremely selfish and short sighted, and I don't believe that such a narrow view applies to most people most of the time. Some maybe, but absolutely not all. Maybe not most. And remember, I said there's some truth to this. Maybe it's a small part, but I don't think that's a "once size fits all" explanation for it. Most people learn, grow, and gain a wider perspective on the world and as such, they aren't so shallow.

I believe another reason is that we want everybody to like us. The problem is, I recently read that there was actually some scientific study that at least 10% of people aren't going to like you. Frankly, I was surprised the percentage was that low. I thought it would be closer to 30%, but the latest study I read said 10% so we'll run with that. Why is this? Plain and simple, personality differences. Some types just don't play well together. If you don't believe it, ask any extremely emotional person I've come in contact with and they'll tell you I'm mean and don't give a crap about their feelings. I am, by nature, a person that leans more toward logic and reason in making decisions than emotion. I usually don't get along well with extremely emotional types that "just want peace" and "want everybody happy right now" because I beleive happiness comes from investing the time and hard work to do things right no matter how you feel about it "right now." If you do what's right, then it will work out in the end, and that's a happiness that last; not a vapor of high emotion that wears off when the party is over and the consequences have to be paid. In fact, since I've been working in professional licensing, I'd say my tendency to make decisions based on logic and reason have become a stronger  because by nature of my profession, I'm obligated to do what's right no matter how people feel about it. I don't think that's a bad thing (of course), but I've caught some flack about it because I'm female, and by stereotype I'm supposed to be all about feelings. While I'm ok to say "alright, forget the 10% and thank God for and enjoy the other 90%, well, some people get awfully fixated on that 10% and believe that if they work harder then they can get a 100% approval rating. It seems their effort would be better spent nurturing relationships with the other 90% but in fact, sometimes they turn on the ones on their side to gain approval they'll never have, counting on forgiveness from that 90% that might come, but not realizing that it will have a higher price than they bargained for because broken trust is a very hard thing to rebuild. But it happens, all the time. I've experienced it; I've seen it; I've written about it. Hey, I'm a writer. The ugly underside of humanity is a playground of inspiration. Expose it to me at your own risk.

Just kidding - maybe. And a sidenote on the emotion thing: I'm interested to see if the stereotype of "hysterical emotion" in  women downplays as more generations of women have careers.Working women don't have time to fret over every little wayward comment, rolled eye, questionable social media post, tear or tirade that comes their way. Or at least, me and my colleagues don't. But we'll see as time tells this particular tale.

So there's that. But not all people are emotional and out for approval ratings that would make politicians jealous, so reason #2 can't apply to everybody. But it does apply to enough that I believe it should be considered.

There is one more reason, and I think it applies to most of us. I believe the reason people get tied up in what others think, say and do is because they don't want to be alone in how they think or feel. They want to know that others agree with them. They want others to have an opinion with them, or to get mad with them, or to be sad with them, or to take up the cause with them because they don't want to be the only freak swimming against the tide. They want to know they're like everybody else and what the other person is doing is wild/selfish/stupid/crazy/nonsense/whatever. They don't want to be alone in their opinion or feelings because they don't want to look in the mirror and ask "is it them, or is it me?" We all want to be right. We all want the world to understand that our opinion is just as important as everybody elses'. We all want respect. Nobody wants to be a nobody. They want people to know that they're here, that they have value, and that they are just as important as the other 7+ billion people in the world.

Here's the thing, though: Going about it by getting tangled up in other peoples' business is a sign of insecurity. If you truly walk in faith and you're confident in yourself as the authentic human being you were created to be, then you don't need to beg or scream for attention. You humbly go about your own business, believing that the life God set before and the purposes you serve speak for themselves. 

That's the cure. That's how you break free from this stress. You get busy living your own life and tending to your own businss and have the grace to accept others and the decisions they make without intruding into their lives with your opinions.

Does this mean you ignore others and don't care what they do? Of course not. You should always do your best to help people in need and if there's something you can do to help others on their life path, you certainly should. The key is to use common sense and discernment. Yes, we all have opinions on things, but we don't need to share them all the time. Everything that flies through your head doesn't need to fly out of your mouth. If you aren't asked for your opinion or advice, assume it's not wanted or needed and keep it to yourself. I'd even go so far as to say that you should still use caution in giving advice even if you ARE asked for it. As one of the elves said in The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, "elves don't give advice because all paths may run ill." Think before you speak. If in doubt, don't. And realize that advice is a take it or leave it thing - and in many cases, people leave it, so be prepared to have your advice or opinion rejected just in case and be prepared to not get offended. And please, for the love of God, if it won't make any difference and you have a thought - don't. Stop right there and go no further. If it's done and/or there's no way it's changing no matter what anybody says and you really need to get it out, set up a private blog or buy a journal to work it out, but don't go off on tirades and complain to everybody in the world about things you can't control involving people close to you. And don't ask or expect people to take sides with you unless you want to do the equivalent of renting a billboard that says I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. It makes you look bad and it makes other people run like hell from you when they see you coming. If it's something so big that you can't live with it, find a way to either deal with it or distance yourself from the situation. Just because a war's going on doesn't mean you have to be a soldier in it. Other people might want you to have their problems, but they can't draft you. You don't have to accept them and if you choose not to accept their problems, well then, it's over.

The point of this mile long blog is that I'm coming to understand that balance is something that we have to strive for in every area of life, and personal relationships are certainly a big element there. We do live in the world, with people, so having good, balanced relationships is an extremely important thing. And one way we can achieve balance in our relationships is by not being a busybody, minding our own business, and having the grace to let it be.

Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I hope you had a Happy Friday and that you have a great weekend.

Bye!

A recent outbreak of drama led Rick and I to ponder the source of problems recently. We realized that the totally out-of-left-field things that hit you without warning and turn your life upside down are actually pretty rare. In fact, as I look over my own life, I think I can only think of 2 or 3 instances when my life was smashed to smithereens and there was absolutely no avoiding it. At 37 years old, I think that's a testament to how rare the "rebuilding your life" seasons are. Thank God, too. Because if such things happened frequently then I'm not sure there would be a single sane person on planet Earth over the age of 30.

The thing is, it seems like people have problems all the time. I mean, it's never ending, and there are some that live in a constant state of drama. Life is one series of battles after another. Well, if the turning life upside down occurances are rare, then what is it that creates all this drama? The answer is simple, and it's none too flattering. All that drama boils down to one thing and one thing alone:

People making bad decisions.

Yep, that's it. Most of the problems we face on a day to day basis boil down to a simple matter of somebody making bad decisions. Even some of the most complex problems can be drilled down to the fact that somebody, somewhere, made a bad call. Sometimes it's that we make bad decisions. We don't plan ahead. Or worse yet, we make our decisions based on the #1 worst decision maker in existance - our feelings. We know what's right, or what we should do, but it's trouble, or it's a hassle, or we just don't like it, so we don't do it. Emotions get people in more trouble than anything else on Earth, and I'd be willing to wager a large percentage of what I have that most of life's problems stem from doing what feels good instead of what's right. I could write a doctoral dissertation on this, but fortunately for you, dear reader, that's not my purpose here. My purpose is to address this at the simplest and most basic level.

Sometimes the bad decisions are made by others, and you suffer for them. I've often said the greatest injustice is suffering for other peoples' mistakes, and it happens way too much. If you have any kind of relationship with other human beings, you know what I mean (especially if you work). Other people do something completely senseless, or don't plan, or create emergencies and they call on you to help fix the problem. These situations are not only annoying, but they destroy relationships too. And even if the relationship isn't destroyed, it's severely wounded to a point that it will take longer to recover than anybody is comfortable admitting.

The good news is that there's a simple cure to this. If problems are caused by bad decision making, then what's the logical way that they're solved? Say it with me, kiddies: "Doing what's right." Wisdom and discernment can help you work your way out of a pickle AND has the added benefit of preventing future drama because you learn from your experiences and don't make the same mistake twice. It harkens back to the old saying "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." You just have to be able to look at the situation in the face of the reality it exists in, determine what the right thing to do to fix it is, and do it. Three step process: analyse, assess and act. I even used some handy alliteration in there so it will stick to the memory.
 
I think it's worth pointing out that The Bible has an entire book called Proverbs that's dedicated to the virtues of wisdom. It's no joke, folks. Wisdom is often overlooked as a virtue, but it's probably the most important thing we can have besides our health. I'd even go so far as to say that wisdom will get you further than intelligence.

As for me, I know how to deal with the drama. When people start freaking out, it's worth remembering that the world hasn't ended yet due to peoples' problems. No, this old rock hasn't seen an armaggedon mistake yet. And to borrow a line from Nick Fury in The Avengers -  we'll continue saving the world from until such time as the sun stops rising. Or something like that. Heck, I'll be able to tell you next week when it comes out on DVD, BlueRay, streaming video and all those other fun formats for the home.

And for all of you dealing with drama or problems in any way, shape or form, below is a silly video to help cheer you up and put it into perspective. Enjoy!

That's all today. Take care.

Bye!

Folks, it’s amazing I’m alive. I stepped on a landmine recently. 
 
Yep, I sure did. I asked someone I know if they had spoken to a mutual acquaintance lately and was harshly accused of trying to pick a fight.  After some ranting and admonitions about “minding my own business” they revealed that no, they hadn’t spoken to the person. 

Well, pardon me.

How many times has that happened to you? You know what  I mean.  A memory trigger brings something to mind so you ask about it, only to be criticized for asking, or accused of being nosy, or being told to mind your own business. You didn’t  realize that you were drifting into sacred territory – after all, it hadn’t been a sensitive issue before – but something changed and you get cut down for not knowing what you haven’t been told. 
 
I know it does hurt. It’s downright rude and offensive. But in such situations, I think it’s important that we keep a valuable truth in mind: the harsh reactions are a protective mechanism. These reactions are as good as
renting a digital billboard saying “I have issues with this!” They think a harsh reaction will teach you to back off. They don’t realize that may work, but they’re also exposing a chink in their armor. I compare these attacks where there’s no threat to an allergic reaction: An innocent substance gets in your system but for some reason your body perceives it as a threat, so it reacts.


The truth is that we all have emotional issues that we hold close in order to protect ourselves. None of us are really an "open book" no matter how forthright and honest we are or strive to be. We all have things we keep in our innermost circle and don't invite others in. That's fine. There are certain things we should keep private. The problem is that some people stretch that inner circle to hold in more than others, oftentimes things that others don't have a problem sharing and even seek help and support in handling. How much we hold in is up to us, but we need to kill the correlation between the one thing that pricks us and the whole world being out to get us. Emotionally charged issues tend to cloud our judgement and scew our perspective to a point where we believe it really is all about us - and nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, most of the people in this world don't even know us, and a great number who do know us don't have an emotional investment in us. For all our trials and tribulations, we personally interact with a limited number of people at a time and believe it or not, most of them mean us  no harm. Some (gasp!) might actually want to help and support us, and our knee jerk reactions to scare people away from sacred territory may scare them away. When emotions run high, it would behoove us to realize that, in the words of the late, great C.S. Lewis, "sometimes an apple is just an apple." Believe it or not, there aren't double meanings or ulterior motives to everything under the sun. 

I think the best thing to do in these cases is to back off. We all tend to cut others off from very emotionally sensitive issues and if a person chooses to do that then it’s disrespectful to try to bully your way in. It’s a shame, especially when you want to help and support them. But if they choose to shut others out and suffer alone, well, it’s best to respect their wishes and let them. After all, you can’t force people to open up, seek help or do the right thing. Sometimes the best you can do is back off and continue with the rest of your life.

And as for the person I unintentionally angered, well, I am sorry. I see the “keep out” sign now and believe 
me, I certainly will. I’ll give you the space you desire, but realize the ball's in your court. It’s your responsibility to let me know when or if the landmine is diffused.

That’s all for today. I hope you enjoy the video inspiration to go along with this entry below. Bye!