Category: Fear

The Devil You Know?

7/15/2014

Move, my latest urban fantasy/mystery novel, is on a virtual tour with a giveaway through Fire and Ice Book Tours this week, and I’d like to dedicate this entry to talking about the interesting paradox in the theme of this book.

The protagonist of this book, Ruby Josen, has a problem. She’s worn out of the same old job she’s had for the past eleven years, but she lives in a small town where opportunities are limited. Her family is gone, there is no potential for romantic relationships, few advancement opportunities, and her only friend is her sometimes outlandish/sometimes reclusive next door neighbor. When she’s turned down for the only job promotion available, she slides into despair.

I already hear the one question you asked about halfway through that paragraph: why is Ruby staying in a dead end life in a dead end town with no prospects? It seems obvious that she has no life left there. Ah yes, but that’s the thing, and in the way of an answer, let me turn the question back on you: how willing are you to not only embrace change, but pursue it? I don’t mean things like a new haircut or a new car, things that seem like big decisions until you settle in and see the change was nothing but a drag-and-drop from there to here. I mean huge, life altering changes that take an anvil to everything you know and leave you with a zillion little pieces to pick up and put together into a brand new life that you no longer recognize?

I think you get my point – Ruby’s quandary isn’t unique. It is, in fact, more common than we realize, because people don’t know how comfortable they are in the stagnation of their life ruts until they’re ripped from them and put on unfamiliar ground. They may hate it. There may be things about their life that they absolutely detest and would be willing to anything to change – to a point. And that’s exactly the thing that Ruby faces when she crosses paths with a mysterious stranger that promises that he can take these things away if only she asks, and asks for nothing in return. She faces the question that so many of us face when life gets stale and we feel restless with what is and apprehensive of what could be if only we got up and made a move – which is worse; the devil you know, or the devil you don’t?

Ruby finds out that the devil she knows has sides she’s never seen when the wish granting has catastrophic consequences. Her rut is starting to cave in on her. She realizes that if she spent as much energy taking a chance on a new life as she did clinging to her old one, then things could be a lot better. She learns that change is the path to a better life. She discovers that standing up to the dragon of fear is less fatal than running from it, because you can’t outrun that fire. You have to steal it’s thunder and make it work for you. That’s the only way to win.

I believe that fear controls people more than anything else. It’s basic psychology that all human beings are motivated by one of two things – rewards or consequences – and it seems that people spend more time running from consequences than working towards rewards. We have it all backwards, and it’s a shame, because you can’t build a good life if you’re too busy running from things to lay a foundation for it.

I have first hand experience with major, life altering change. My job was transferred to a different department and let me tell you, a job change IS a life change. I’ve discussed the many facets of this adventure in this blog many times and won’t bore you with a recap, but I will tell you that it was a tough journey. More than a few people thought I absolutely lost my mind for supporting this move. They thought that I, like Ruby, should fight the battle until it ended in blood or a blaze of glory, but I knew it was useless and shortsighted. I and the others working with me saw great potential and benefits now and in the future. Of course, it was harder than I expected. There were times when I wondered if I made a terrible mistake, or if I was a fool to not put up a fight. It isn’t always easy to take the long view and keep the end goal in mind when right now is being a pain in your butt, but it was well worth it. I wouldn’t go back. In fact, it’s a shame this wasn’t done sooner.

You learn during these times, about yourself and others, and one thing that struck me was how scared people are of change. Most people won’t pursue change. They’ll accept it if it’s imposed on them, as I did, but they won’t actively pursue it “just because.” Change is a lot of hard work, and usually three times more than you see from the beginning (I can attest to that too!). Change has a chance of failure – it might not work out the way you expected, or things might be worse. Then again, failure isn’t fatal. But I think the scariest thing is the one that we hesitate to admit to ourselves: change forces us to become a different person, and we don’t know who that person will be. I can say that I’m not the same person I was four years ago, but I feel better about the person I am. This is a theme I deal with in the sequel to Move that I’m working on now – stay tuned for Obsidian in late 2014 to see how all of this has changed, well, everything!

No, Ruby’s dilemma isn’t all that uncommon. In fact, I believe all of us could see a bit of ourselves in her. Stagnation and change are uncomfortable things to work with, and like all beasts, they have a way of spring up when you least expect it.

Feel free to drop in on the blog stops for Move through July 21, and be sure to pick up your own copy. It’s on sale for $1.50 at Smashwords in all ebook formats through August 1 with coupon code WW75A, so add another summer read to your ereader app. If you don’t do Smashwords, it’s available for $2.99 through Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well. And, of course, if you like it, review it! There. That’s my humble, indie-author groveling for feedback.

That’s all today. Take care and enjoy the rest of your week.

Bye!

Throwing Out the Shovel

6/26/2013

And here is one of those things on the "what good is THIS doing" list.

Some of you that follow me online know that for the past 3 years, I've had a recurring nightmare about walking through a graveyard that had no names on the tombstones. I hate that dream. You'd think it was the creepy factor that got me, but the truth is that it just pisses me off. I had it again night before last, and I finally get it.

My life has been nothing but change for the past 3 years. I feel like I've either been planting new things that I hope will grow, or burying the past. Good grief, so many bodies have hit the floor. For all the "remaking" in my life, a lot of the old has passed away, and I feel like I've spent way too much time either burying it or mourning it. And added to that is the fact that there's been a lot of quit in my life too - as in, people passing right on outta here. I've gained more than I can fathom, but I've lost a lot too. Balance means that when something comes, something goes. I bury the past and plant the present, hoping the future will lead to something fruitful.

Well, I'm done. I've planted plenty and I'm done mourning the past. It's over. It's time to get out of the dirt and live the sun. There will be no more mourning. There will be no more digging. As Jesus said, let the dead bury themselves. I'm alive and it's high time to stop struggling and start living.

I don't know why all of this change has come. I have no doubt that it serves a greater purpose and is laying a foundation for a bigger life, but it has been somewhat excessive. But I'm done thinking. I'm done planning. I'm done trying to figure it all out.

This annoying nightmare is over. It's on, folks. It's time to stop planting and burying and to start growing and living. And
that's what I'm going to do. Am I scared? Yes, absolutely. And I'm going to do it anyway. The dragon of fear has tried to beat me for three years and I haven't come this far to fail. I will become the dragon. I will become bigger than the fear trying to keep me in the dirt. Because being consumed by it just isn't an option.

That's why that nightmare pisses me off. It's because I've had enough. It's time to slay this beast and live in the sun.

And that's it.

Bye!

The Shapeshifter Amongst Us

6/15/2013

In my last entry, I made the comment that it's impossible to know what the modern workplace is like because of the tremendous power of change. I'd like to expand on this comment in this entry, and muse over how this trend has the potential to leak out of the workplace and into other areas of life now.

It started with technology. Computers revolutionized the workplace, and there's no denying that it made drastic improvements. Frankly, I can't imagine how people of previous generations ran an effective office with things as archaic as file cabinets and typewriters. They managed, but now we're moving at the speed of light, at least in offices. I remember a colleague once saying "remember when we sent out notification letters? It would take a week or more for people to reply to them now. Now it's notification emails and thanks to smartphones, our own phones blow up within seconds of hitting "send." It's true. Things move faster now, and they have more ways in than ever. Is it a good thing? All in all, probably so. Things get done faster and have the potential to get done more efficiently. But notice the adjective that's more active than the actual verb in that sentence: potential. Because efficiency depends largely on effective and (most importantly) wise implementation. And this requires having people that make sound decisions and are willing to learn and grow with the changes this improvement brings.

Yes, technology is ever changing, and it requires people in the workforce to keep changing with it. Nothing stays the same, and now we're morphing with the speed of development. You always have to be willing to grow and learn, to embrace new things and let go of old things that might be comforting, but are no longer effective. The good new is that this change, when done with pure motives and right intentions, is the path to progress. You learn, you grow, and hopefully you take those lessons into your personal life and see what you gained continue to bless your life.

Ah, but there's another side to this, and here's the catch. This is where the shapeshifter comes into play, because the constant change in the workplace started with technology, but it oozed it's hand into other aspects of the workplace as well. Changes in how things are done require changes in management, changes in staff, changes in operations. It doesn't stop with the machines. Integrating the machines changes the people, and the way people operate. It means that we must not only adapt to how the machines help us to do our work better, but we also must embrace how the machines change the human element of the workplace. And this, folks, is where we run into issues, because machines don't have a mind and will of their own, but people do, and they aren't afraid to use it. For better or for worse, and sadly, the tendency to react rather than reflect and act in faith means that this element is subject to lots of rash decisions and acts that aren't always conductive to progress.

I've come to realize that there are two kinds of change. The first kind is the progressive kind that I discussed above. An opportunity opens and it's given thoughtful deliberation and consideration. People take advantage of that opportunity and more opportunities arise from it. Yes, it's hard and it requires change, learning new things, and forging into new areas, but the hard work is worth it and beyond the growning pains come progress that lead to a "golden age" of productivity and success. This is the kind of change we should always embrace, and that we shouldn't fear. Yes, it takes hard work to do new things, but the work of laying that solid foundation pays off when you build something that's stronger and better for a new day. Often, the things you learn from these "hard seasons of growth" can be implemented into other areas of life which spurs more growth and more blessing. It can have a chain reaction. One example of this: My office move 3 years ago gave me the courage and strength to start the process of becoming an independent author. The trials I went through getting those programs moved opened my eyes to every area of life, and I realized that I had spent a lot of years submitting my writing to traditional publishers in a sinking economy that had bolted their doors closed to new authors and weren't listening. "If they stop listening, stop talking," someone advised me around that time (of a different situation, but ...) and one day I stumbled upon a CNN article about how ebooks were outselling hardbacks and the light went off. I dug in to edit and revamp my approach, submitted to epublishers and mixed in some self publishing, and now 3 years and 7 books later, I finally have the foundation laid that I was waiting for someone else to do for far too long. I lost my fear of taking chances, I found the courage to make bold moves of faith on my own, and I finally got the ball rolling on the progress I had prayed for. That success gave me the courage to stand firm, to learn what I needed to learn, and to work with others to make the move successful, and it was. Progressive change at work had a 2 for 1 special in my life: the work move was successful despite setbacks and challenges along the way, and I got established as an independent author.

Ah, but there's another kind of change, and sadly I see it in my life now. It's change born of fear, and this is almost always detrimental. Sadly, progressive change usually gives way to this. Things move along well and people are happy with how it's going, but then something happens that changes some element that everybody was comfortable with. Usually, it has to do with setbacks, challenges, changes in leadership, or an unexpected loss of some sort. People get scared and react. Instead of asking "okay, what can we do to stabilize the situation and are there any opportunities from this, no matter how small, that we can seize and use to rebuild?" they ask "how do we protect ourselves." The motives shift from purity (doing better) to selfish (save me!), and that's the road to destruction. Change is not about progress, but about re-establishing control, protecting the "status quo," and preventing more damage. This is where you run into trouble, because damage control is never productive and that's looking at the situation from the wrong end. I think we all remember Yoda's logic in Star Wars Episode 1 - "fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side." That's not fiction; it's face. People get scared and they react. Then they get mad because things aren't working out. Then the anger replaces all semblance of reason, and it becomes a battle. As Loki so eloquently put it in The Avengers, freedom leads to a mad scramble of power. Yep, he had a grain of truth there too. It's scary.

Take it from one that's seeing it unfold. There are changes afoot in an area of my life now, and I find myself surrounded by a lot of fear. It's disturbing. I find myself pondering a lot of things, but foremost amongst them is protecting the progress I've worked so hard to achieve over the past few years. An emerging culture of fear could well do that, at least in this one area, and that means that a fight is on. It might already be on, because these spiritual things are a whole different battlefield. That's one song I do not want to sing another verse of in my life. I pray over it a lot, because I don't want to become another soldier of fear. I'm determined to stand firm and to protect the progress I've made. Fear is the devil's best tool, and by the power of Christ I will stand. I pray such courage will spread to others as well. That's a good infection that we desperately need.

Change will happen, and it can be tough to discern whether you're seeing the progressive or the destructive kind. All change is scary because it usually means challenges, hard work, sacrifice, and learning. Growth is hard because it stretches us to new places, but in the end it's good. And destruction also hurts because, well, it's supposed to hurt. There's nothing good about it and being torn down is a catalyst to find some courage and fight against whatever is trying to undo the progress you've done. In the end, you have to keep your head about you and discern the motives for the change. Pray, meditate, dig deep, ask questions, ponder the situation, and find out if the motive is pure. If it is, then you're being called upon to grow and it's a challenge and an opportunity to accept. If it's born of fear, sharpen your sword and get ready to fight because it's on like Donkey Kong, and you better be ready to stand firm or you'll get smashed by barrels of defeat.

And with that dated and somewhat lame analogy, I will call the point made and the entry done. I hope you have a great weekend and that all of you dad's out there have a Happy Father's Day tomorrow.

Bye!

Be Not Afraid

2/2/2013

There are a lot of vacancies in my life these days, it seems. Both of the pastors at my church left early last year. One of my colleagues resigned to take a job in another division of our agency, and my boss recently announced that she's retiring this summer. I've been asked the question "what do you want?" in their replacements a lot in recent months, and my response is always the same:

I want someone that's not afraid.

What does that mean? People ask. Afraid of what? Well, frankly I want people who aren't going to be intimidated by the hard work it takes to be a pastor, or a program assistant, or an administrator. I want bold people that are committed to doing their best. I know lots of people have sky-high expectations of perfection and struggle with "putting their feet back on the ground," but I'm content with effort. If you're doing the best you can and your effort is sincere, that works for me. I can be patient with a learning curve as long as I see that you're making a sincere effort to learn and to grow from what you are into the best you can be.

Simply stated, I want people with internal motivation. I want people that WANT to be their best and to bring life to that job description. I want them to be alive and not merely surviving. I want people that are bold enough to make it more than anybody expects.

I don't think that's too much to ask. Let's be honest, we all know that there are two primary motivators in life: faith or fear. Everything we do, every decision we make, is either to gain a reward or to avoid consequences. That's it. They've preached that since my college days, it hasn't changed in a decade and a half, and I doubt it will ever change. All of human history is a testament to it, and I think it's obvious that the people motivated by faith; the people that believe they achieve their dreams and make their corner of the world a better place, usually accomplish more than people that simply try to fly under the radar and not get attention or change things.

It all really boils down to the internal motivation factor too. Let's face it, making the best of life and achieving your dreams is hard work, and a lot of people are so scared of failure that they never get started. It does take a bold person to stick their neck out and risk losing their head - but fortunately, this is largely figurative. It took me a lot of years to learn that fear isn't fatal and even more years to realize that it's usually the thing that gives us the wisdom to keep working until we succeed.

Did you know that my first published book was a failure? I couldn't get that thing off the ground if I taped it to a 757. I don't know why, but all of my efforts to get an inspirational writing career going flopped. But I loved to write and wasn't ready to give up so I prayed, and thought, and studied up on writing, and realized that I could have a second chance if I worked smarter and was patient in my efforts and timing. I switched to writing fiction (which I like much better anyway) and decided to give e-publishing a try. It took me 7 years to get that second chance, but I just knew in my gut that I shouldn't give up so easily and I came to see that the traditional path wasn't right for me anyway. The rise of ebooks has been a golden opportunity, and I believe my failures as an inspirational writer helped me to grown and learn about writing better and the publishing business so I was able to take this opportunity offered by the rise of technology. I was rejected a lot - more times than I can count - but I forged on, believing that I was building up and getting ready for just the right moment. As frustrating as it was to work, fail, wait, work more, fail more, wait more for all those years, it prepared me for the right time, publishers, and opportunities when our paths finally did cross.

If you want to succeed at having a well balanced life, you have to get your spirit right. You can't live by fear. Nobody achieves success by the way of avoidance. If everything you do is to get out of things, you will live in bondage to others. It's like the quote I read on Twitter recently said: If you aren't living your dream, you could become part of a nightmare created by others. That's true. The winds of fate are a poor life course guide. You often get caught up in the turbulence of other peoples' drama and problems and wind out in places that benefit them 100% and you none.

I see a lot of fear in the world and people around me, and it scares me. Perhaps people would be less jealous and depressed if they made a conscious decision to be bold and live their life to the fullest instead of being afraid of it and dodging everything that looks like work and responsibility. Stop despising the day of small things and open your eyes to the fact that victory comes through sincere dedication to master these small building blocks to a bigger life.

Sure, I'll agree that there are times when other peoples' decision affect your life. I didn't want any of these people to go, but I've learned from life experience that people are going to do what's best for them, and they should. And while it's not fair for your life to be bumped around, it happens. We live in a comminity and that's a side effect of it. Balance and peace come not from dodging the storm, but through going through it knowing that it can bring an abundant new crop if you are willing to seize the opportunities that blow in and plant things and ways for the situation to be beneficial. That's why I want people around me that aren't afraid. That's why I want people around me that have that internal motivation to make life the best it can be. Sure it isn't perfect and there will always be things there that we don't want, but if you're committed to doing the hard work to reap the rewards and put things in right balance, then it will lead to better days.

So what's it going to be? Are you going to seize life, or are you going to let it seize you?

That's all today. Have a great weekend.

Bye!

Here Comes the Chaos

12/16/2012

As if the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School Friday morning weren't bad enough, apparantly there are some in Newton, Connecticut that want to keep bringing the chaos as a Catholic church in the community received a death threat for their noon mass today. Fortunately, Yahoo News reports there was no incident and the church was evacuated, but it's still a disturbing reminder that there are people out there that want to do nothing but cause chaos and keep people in a state of paranoia and hysteria during a time that's supposed to be about forgiveness, celebration, and peace.

It's sick, I know. It's tragic and incomprehensible to even fathom what those families are going through. They were preparing for Christmas and now they're planning funerals - something that's too much for most of us to even think about, and we wonder how they can possibly live through this. And the #1 question on most minds is "how could God allow such an awful thing to happen?"

As a Christian, I'll tell you the truth: I don't know. And I won't even try to justify or explain it either, because I'm not afraid to admit that I have absolutely no clue why this was allowed to happen. Honestly, I can't imagine how this tragedy could work toward any kind of good, now or even in the long term. How could the senseless death of 20 children be justified? How is that possible? I don't know.

Really, that's a conflict that many Christian's face, although many won't admit it. You can't justify faith, and when it comes to situations like this when you don't have the answer, I'm afraid that even many believers have too much pride to admit that they don't have all the answers and they can't explain why they choose to maintain a trusting faith in God when the truth is that they struggle with fear, doubts, and our own lack of understanding. They say "it is well with my soul," but I have yet to meet a person that's ok with any old thing that happens. "Whatever - praise God anyway!" is something I hear a lot from the mouth but I've NEVER seen in practice.

Here's my take on it: I know there's a big picture and this is part of it. I know God is grieved and will comfort the families in whatever way necessary, but I don't know why He let it happen. We aren't going to know that "big picture" this side of Heaven and for that reason I say: It's not alright. No, it isn't. It's evidence of the sin and imperfection of this world. It's tainted creation. I remember reading in one of C.S. Lewis' books that man was not created to die, so the very fact that we do as a result of sin is unnatural. Sin is unnatural. Bad things are unnatural. This world wasn't created for it, and yet everything got screwed up and God decided to let us keep on going anyway - to offer salvation through Christ, but we still have to do our time in this world, that teeters on the balance of the joy of creation and the chaos of sin. It's completely mucked up, and I'm putting that mildly because I try to keep this a PG-13 blog. So no, I don't say it's alright because it isn't. Suffering is NEVER alright. And yes, I know the paradox arguement that we wouldn't appreciate joy if we didn't know suffering but in the case of 20 dead children - yea, shove that arguement. Nobody wants to hear it. There is no justification for it.

You know what I say? If you're confused, admit it. If you're mad, go ahead and say it. Yell and scream at God if you need to. Tell Him where it's at. He can take it. And frankly, He would rather you get mad and just let it rip then lie and say "ok, whatever, you lead the way." I think you come through these shattering trials a lot better if you're honest enough to say "hey God, this sucks! It's Festivus for the Rest of Us. I've got a lot of problems and You're gonna hear about it!"

Go ahead and do it. It's not a dare and I'm not speaking in jest. Because above all the chaos, beyond all the madness, God is love. That's why He let us go on and chose Salvation over abandonment. Because sometimes life sucks, but He still loves us and the creation He made. He still wants us. And nothing you say or do will make Him stop loving you. So go ahead and yell and scream. He can take it. In fact, I believe He'd be glad you trusted enough to tell Him the truth. So let it rip.

I'd also like to say one more thing. This is awful, and it's no secret that people are crazy and lunatics are everywhere. No doubt, our mental health system is in need of drastic reform because things like this just keep happening - but I dealt with that particular issue after the massacare at the movie theater in Colorado last summer, and there's no need to digress. But please try to remember that there is still good out there. I heard the story of the mother that told her child that if she was scared to look for the helpers because the helpers are always there. That's absolutely true. God did allow this to happen, but He also made sure there were people there to help. That there were healers and protectors and leaders around that could be there and guide those that were lost, confused, or hurt. It might be hard to see, but good is out there. There are still people around that want to do what's right and to help others any way they can. Look for their light in this darkness.

Ok, that's my soapbox speech for the day. No doubt, it's been a crazy few days. I pray we can all heal and come to some sort of resolution to this, even if it's a unity in our grief and confusion now and in the days to come.

Pray for those families, folks. They need all the help they can get and while we can't all be there for them, collective prayers could be the most powerful help for them now.

Have a good start of the week, folks. Take care and be careful out there.

Bye!

Office Politics - In Fiction and Reality

10/9/2012

I’m often asked if the things that happened to Jana Lanning in my recent novel, Anywhere But Here, actually happened to me. For those of you that haven’t read this novel, Jana Lanning, the protagonist, is denied admission to graduate school, finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her, helps her best friend get married and move out of town, and has to settle for a job that she’s overqualified for – and all of this happens within two weeks of getting her undergraduate degree. Then to make things worse, the office where she works starts a merger with another firm and Jana finds herself on the wrong end of office politics that are the final straw in her battle with depression. The thing people seem the most interested in are the office politics. People want to know if the happenings at Dixon Financial are reflective of my job before it was transferred to a new agency a couple of years ago.

In response to that I’d say not entirely, but I can’t deny that some things that happened to me early in my career are reflected in people and events that take place in the book. I know that’s cryptic, but bear in mind two things: The people and events are fictionalized and that was accomplished through a mixture of my personal experiences, experiences I’ve seen and heard of from other people, and instances I’ve read about in books, magazines, news and other media. It came from a vast pool and I’ll admit that I had experience with being on the wrong end of office politics – heck, how could you write about it even from a fictionalized perspective unless you lived it in some way – but it’s also a universal issue that anybody working in an office environment is going to be on one end or the other of. And sorry folks, but there are probably going to be times when you find yourself on the wrong side, at least from the perspective of the majority.

My purpose in both writing Anywhere But Here and this entry isn’t to bash my former workplace. These things happened a decade ago, and I must admit that I said and did things that weren’t wise and didn’t lead to the best resolution in the situations I faced. I certainly learned from those experiences and in retrospect, I’m glad I learned those lessons early in life or I certainlywouldn’t be where I am now. The purpose is to share lessons learned, because this is something that I believe everybody in the workforce faces at some time. It makes you feel isolated and lonely when it happens, but the truth is that you aren’t alone. Lots of people face it but few talk about it because frankly, it’s embarrassing.

I used to think that people playing office politics were selfish jerks that like to hurt people, but experience has shown me that it actually grows from a root of fear. People that play with power are insecure and doubt their own ability, so they create an elaborate game of turning people and things to their advantage. I’ve found that there are 2 good ways to identify a person that is likely to use power to their advantage:

1.They cling tightly to cliques that are made up of people that are higher on the chain of command than they are; and

2.They don’t associate with anybody on the chain of command below them unless it’s absolutely necessary - and those people better give them what they want immediately or it’s insubordination.

It’s the people in category #2 that usually find themselves on the losing end of office politics because any wrong word or deed will be met with fierce retaliation. I won’t say that I never see office politics anymore, but I have found that I find myself in these situations a lot less since I’ve been reclassified to a mid-level position. I’d like to think this is because I’ve proven that my knowledge and abilities are valuable, but it’s more likely that I learned valuable lessons on how to deal with these types from previous experience – and people know it.

So what’s the secret to dealing when you’re the victim of office politics? If you’re right, stand by that. Don’t ever cave in and take the quick and easy way out because that’s a temporary end. If they’d turn on you once, they’ll turn on you again. Caving in only shows that you can be taken advantage of, and they will milk that dry, plus the consequences of doing wrong will follow you a lot longer than standing up for what’s right. They might not like you, but they’ll respect you and at least know not to let you catch them with their hand in the cookie jar again. If you aren’t right, correct yourself immediately and stick to your guns in walking down the right road. And whichever situation you’re in, it’s imperative that you have patience. Truth will show itself in time and it will be end game then. It might take months or even years for things to come around, but they will and you’ll be better off for it. The reward will come in patient endurance, and it will be something that nobody can deny. Sure, there are people that are so stubborn that they’ll refuse to change their mind no matter what happens, but don’t worry about them. Leave them in their ignorance and move on because it’s highly probably that they’ll be gone in time themselves.

I believe Jana Lanning in Anywhere But Here is a good personification of office politics gone wrong, because she’s the one in the weakest position. She didn’t do anything wrong and in fact suffered for doing right, but recent personal losses kept her from taking a stand in the right way and the right timing. The people that create these situations are masters at turning things against you even if you didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s exhausting to constantly defend your own character. Unfortunately, she found this out too late and suffered the consequences of crossing the wrong people simply by being who she was and not deferring to people doing things wrong. She was right and had proof of it, but she didn’t know how to present that truth in a combative work environment. That happens sometimes, and it’s awful. I think the worst offence in the world is to have to suffer for other peoples’ mistakes, and office politics are the ultimate example of that.

I think this is why eople tell me that they find Jana Lanning so likeable. She’s a good person that doesn’t deserve the hard knocks that come her way from people taking advantage of her shy nature, youth, and inexperience. She makes the same mistakes that all of us made in our early adulthood and we understand her confusion at why life is kicking her around. Reality is a hard teacher, and it’s the only one that can do the job once school leaves off. Remember the movie “St. Elmo’s Fire” from the 80’s? That strange, new world opening up is the exact thing that Jana faces, and we understand exactly where she’s coming from. She, like the rest of us, has to learn to find those gems of opportunity in the rubble of defeat to rebuild a new life from shattered dreams. In some ways, we may even relate to her right where we’re at, because life is always teaching us lessons.

So no, I didn’t start out in life exactly like Jana did. I actually did marry my college sweetheart, but I never made it to graduate school because I found other things that I believed were worth more in my life than higher education. I never struggled with depression, but I knew (and still know) many who do battle that demon, and I hope Jana’s struggle helps people with depression understand that this is a battle they can win if they stay in the fight. But yes, I did go through an office merger in my early years in the workforce, and I found myself prey to the power plays, albeit in much different circumstances. All I can say is that wisdom comes from experience, and I gained plenty in those few years.

And lest you think it’s impossible for poor Jana to face so much at one time, I call your bluff. Too much smashing my life to bits was the catalyst for my next novel, Splinter – but that’s one for a future blog entry. I’ll address it closer to the release date in mid 2013. Until then, enjoy Anywhere But Here and my other books - information on them and links to buy are on the other tabs of this website. I hope you find entertainment and inspiration in them.

That’s all today.

Bye!

When YOU'RE the Villian

4/13/2012

Villians may make the story, but let me ask you - what happens when YOU'RE the villian? It is possible to sabatoge yourself and self help experts and gurus will be the first to say that very often, the only thing we fight more than other people is ourselves.

It's true that we can fall into bad thought and behavior patterns that can sabatoge our own best efforts. In fact, this is a topic I'm pondering for my next book. The idea I'm working on is about a woman that compromises her integrity While she does struggle with other people and there will be a clear antagonist that will aid her in this endeavor, the true enemy is herself. The real battle is in how her thoughts and perceptions influence her actions and attitudes. And, in my classic fashon, it will turn toward mystery with a supernatural creature (I'm considering a djinn), a way-out-there-where-the-hell-did-that-come-from turn of events and, of course, a twist somewhere. Geeze, I hope I'm not becoming my own worst enemy by becoming cliche or (gulp!) predictable after 4 books. Hmm, it might be time to mix it up a bit. We shall see.

I feel this is a good theme to run with because I've seen it over and over, not only in other people but in myself. We all have tendencies that work against us, and the devil loves to use them. Fear is a pretty universal one that we all struggle with. We get scared and that pushes us in all kinds of places we don't intend to go: Stagnation, laziness, complacancy - heck, I call fear "the devil's shovel" because it's a handy tool he uses in us to dig those ruts we find ourselves in.

Our emotions can also get us into trouble. Whether we realize it or not, emotions are learned. YES THEY ARE! When we have an emotional response to something the first time it happens, we tend to continue to have THE EXACT SAME RESPONSE every time it happens after that. They can become conditioned. For example: You have an annoying friend that tends to call you every Tuesday at 3:00. Tuesdays are busy and you tried to explain that but they don't get it, so after the first 2 calls you grow annoyed with them. So how do you feel the third week when the telephone rings at 3:00? You get annoyed, right? Before you even pick it up, you associate a 3:00 call on a Tuesday with that person that annoys you, and just the sound of that phone ringing at that time makes you angry. Maybe you wise up on Week #3 and don't answer but you're still angry when the phone rings. How dare them, you think, without even answering this week - but still, you're mad because they made you mad the last 2 weeks. So we do learn many of our emotional responses.

Another way we sabatoge ourselves is through wrong thoughts. This falls into that same pattern where we learn emotional responses. We do something and one or two people have an unfavorable response to it, so we avoid it in the future because "that doesn't work out." This is something I struggled with a lot when I went through my job transfer. I was at my former place a long time, so when I moved I tended to assume the people at the new place would have the same reactions and attitudes as the people at the old place. For example, the former place where I worked didn't think much of my writing. They didn't like it and even told me that it wasn't company related and to keep it out of the office. So when I moved I assumed my new colleagues would feel the same. I had to fill out a "dual employment" form when I got my book contract for Blurry, so I turned it in as quietly as possible. Imagine my surprise when my boss called me in her office and asked me to tell her more about my writing! She loved that I was doing it. In fact, it turns out that many other people there have "side ventures" and the agency regularly featured these on their internal website - they even featured me when Blurry was released and shared the link to my Amazon.com profile. (In fact, they sent out an email earlier this week asking if anybody had news or accomplishments to report so they could celebrate it at our employee appreciation picnic in a few weeks.) I was absolutely shocked by how enthusiastic and supportative my colleagues were, especially when I spent so many years in a place where I was ordered to keep it quiet. It took a while for me to get used to that, but it also made me realize the other areas where I had wrong thoughts. Even after 2 years I still struggle with that and have to stop and tell myself "remember, they aren't the same people and don't see things the same way. Be fair." Thank Got I realize it and am working through it.

Yes, there are many ways we can be our own worst enemy, and we really have to guard against that. Sometimes we even project our own faults and reactions on others - but this entry is long enough, so let's save that for next time!

I'll close with a challenge - think about it. Are there any ways where you are your own worst enemy? Do you have thoughts or reactions that work against you? Think it over. It's worth it because really, these are easy things to correct. Often just stopping and realizing it is the path to breaking the pattern.

That's all for today. Happy Friday and I hope you have a great weekend.

Bye!

Farewells

3/25/2012

Well, we bid our pastor farewell this morning. He's moving on to accept a higher position with the state synod, after serving as our leader for 11 years. Rick and I were service assistants for this morning's service, so we got to see the full range of emotion. Lots of well wishing, lots of good luck, lots of tears. Everybody's nervous as we wonder what the new dawn will bring, and what comes next.

Personally, I think that we as the congregation have the easier job. Although we are in a position where we have to find a new leader, we're still here. We have one another, the associate pastor, church council, committees, and the synod to help us. We have a huge support system to help us through this transition and frankly, I believe that the Lord already has our new pastor selected and that it will be what's best for us. Our challenge is not only to use discernment in our call, but in believing that we can be a blessing to a new leader as much as they can be a blessing to us. It's easy to lose perspective of that interaction between flock and leader, especially when you've had the same leader for a long time. And in time, we will adjust to the loss and move along, through the transition to a new day ahead.

Of course our pastor will too, but I know he has a more difficult road because I've been in the position of leaving a place behind. He's going to wake up tomorrow morning and face the reality that he's not coming back to his office a the church, but going to a new place that's unfamiliar. He has to be retrained, and to meet new people and adapt to a new environment. There is no familiarity where he's going or, if there is, not as much as he's had at our church. A job change is a substantial life change - in fact, I'd go so far as to say it changes your entire life. I know it did for me. Yes, his is the steeper road, but opportunity is always worth that journey. I believe that he too will move along through his own transition into a new day ahead. It may be a steeper learning curve, but it will probably happen over a shorter period of time. It will likely take us a year or more to call a new pastor, amd by that time he'll be well settled in his new job while we start the process of adjusting to new leadership.

Hmm. So in light of what it's going to take timewise, it may be that he's in the better position. We do still have one another, but perhaps it's a longer road ahead than he has.

I, like everyone else, will miss him. However, I also can't begrudge him for taking this opportunity. I'm glad it came his way and that he was wise enough to consider it and brave enough to accept the change and challenge. Change is how God moves us ahead, and it takes a lot of courage to stand up to that fear, admit that it's time to move on, and take the first steps into the unknown.

As our choir sang at the close of the service, I too hope he road rises up to meet him, and us as well. We all have a new adventure ahead, and we have to find the courage to face them. Transitions are never easy, but they're the only path to a better day. And I believe that, as this door closes, another one is preparing to open any minute now.

That's all today. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and I wish you a great start to the new week.

Bye!

Playing Your Hand

7/20/2011

I recently got a quote through Twitter that said “it’s not the hand you’re dealt; it’s how you play it.” I believe this is true. After all, we can’t control life. Many things happen that are beyond our control. The secret is; how do you deal with it?

This is a topic that hits close to home for me, because I went through two major life changes last year that were the direct result of other peoples’ decisions. I had no say so in them, and the changes were literally rammed down my throat. Yes, I felt victimized. It definitely wasn’t fair, and I resented that other people were making decisions that were affecting my life. But I have come through, and I can honestly say that I feel my life is much better today than it was before the changes. How did I do this? Well, there are a few secrets to playing the hand your dealt and turning a hodgepodge of crap into a winning hand:

1.                  Take advantage of every opportunity, no matter how small. It’s the small things that lead up to the big things, and often it happens in incremental steps. My 2 E-book contracts are the result of an article I read on E-publishing last summer. I’d say that idea went a long way!

2.                  Realize that you have a right to work things for the very best in your life. No, you can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose whether to remain a victim. When life gets derailed, take some time to analyze the new situation and look for ways you can work things out for good. You often can’t control what people come into your life, but you can determine what kind of relationship you have with them by letting them know what’s good, what’s acceptable, and what’s absolutely intolerable in your life.

3.                  Accept what you can’t change and change what you can. There are some things you can’t change, but in every situation there are details you can control. I had no control over my job move, but I decided to demonstrate my skills and abilities to my new colleagues right away. As a result, my duties were assigned based on my strengths instead of putting me wherever they needed another body pushing through work – and I’m happier with my job than I’ve ever been.

4.                  Don’t let other people run your life. Yes, there are times when decisions that other people make will affect you, but these times should be the exception and not the rule. That’s a poor way to set your sails and usually leads to ports you never intended to visit, much less live at. Stand up for yourself and make it clear to other people that they will respect you as an individual or they will no longer have a place in your life.

5.                  Reaping and sowing is a real way to turn a losing hand to a winning one. It’s a real concept, folks, and I’ve seen it play out over and over again. What goes around really does come around. If you aren’t a person of faith, consider this: The universe only has a limited amount of energy, and you can only get back what you give. So please, be mindful of your words and actions. Honesty, integrity and hard work will yield fruit. Deceit, deception, and laziness, well, sowing those if fun but reaping them’s a witch.

6.                  Be thankful for what you have, and take care of it. Because why should God give you more if you gripe and complain about what you have? Do you know when I saw a breakthrough on building our dream home? It was after I finally accepted the home we had and dedicated myself to taking the best possible care of it.

7.                  Realize the Law of Undulation. I absolutely love this concept of the ebb and flow of life that C.S. Lewis presented in The Screwtape Letters. Life really is a series of peaks and valleys, and you’re always at some point in that curve. So if you’re down, don’t fret because you will go back up. If you’re up, stay humble because things will level out. And if you’re in the middle, then praise God because at least you’re moving. The nature of the universe is change, which means that ruts are an illusion. Eventually, something will move.

8.                  Honesty and integrity always win the day. Do the best at all you do, and be honest. Truth has a way of showing itself, and integrity demonstrates character. You may suffer for it periodically, but in the end what’s right always stands while lies and deception dissolve into nothing. In my 13 years in the work force I can say for a fact that people that played politics and stepped on others to move ahead never lasted. They shone for a while, but eventually the favor ran out and the truth showed itself. It all goes back that that annoying “reaping and sowing” thing.

9.                  Don’t let fear be a factor. If the Lord brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it. I don’t care if you’re scared. Find your courage and bring the fire. We have a Savior that defeated the devil, freed the souls from Hades, defeated sin and death, and sits at the right hand of the Father. I think He can handle whatever we face – especially if it’s His will for our lives!

10.              Don’t be afraid of who you are. Be real. Be authentic. Embrace yourself, rough edges and all. Because when we stand before God, He won’t ask why you weren’t more like other people. He’ll ask why you weren’t yourself and why you didn’t appreciate the blessings He gave you.

Life may deal you a bad hand every now and then, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to live in defeat. In fact, you should fight defeat. Don’t settle for life trapped in a box or accept bad things for yourself. Stand up, be yourself, and do all you can to make the hand you have a winning one!

That's my soapbox speech for today. More later. I hope the rest of the week is great.

Bye!