Rick and I saw the Noah movie last weekend. While it certainly isn’t a strict interpretation of the Biblical account of the flood, it does make you think. One question Rick asked after seeing the movie was especially relevant: why is it so hard for people to do the right thing? We’ve erred to the point of destruction once, and it looks like we’re heading that way again – and The Bible promises that there will be no survivors next time. Indeed, the “destruction by fire” they referred to in the movie is quite real, and still yet to come.

He posed an interesting question. Take a look around, and I think you’ll agree that people struggle to do what’s right, and some struggle more than others. There’s no doubt of the evil in our nature, and the fact that we battle it every day of our lives. But where do we draw the line between fighting it and giving in? And why is that “breaking point” so different for every person? For every person I know who tries their darnest to do what’s right, I can point to another one that can’t make a good decision and lives in a state of constant chaos and struggle with others. And so, we argue over grace and works, when in fact there is no debate at all. Paul clearly said that Christ’s sacrifice wasn’t a “get out of hell free” card, and that there’s no such thing as sinning for the sake of grace abounding. It doesn’t work that way, and yet we still act like it does (some more than others). We’ve been flat out told by Jesus that we’re expected to do what’s right, and grace isn’t an excuse to live however we want and pull the chute before we fall into hell. We can say the ends justify the means all day, but in the end the means are all that really matters. The ends will come, no matter what. How we get there matters.

 So why is this a problem? Some say our sinful nature, and that’s true – but we need to drill it down further. What is it about our nature that keeps us in this trap? It’s been happening from Adam and Eve until right now. We struggle with it, from generation to generation. We’ve been destroyed once over it and have been promised that we’ll be destroyed again. What is our Achilles heel? I pondered it, and I think I know what the problem is. Take a look around, a real look, and I think you’ll agree: Our feelings are the culprit.

That’s right, it’s our emotions. We’re addicted to the dopamine high of happy feelings, and are willing to forsake wisdom, logic, and even common sense if it means we can be happy a little bit longer. We submit to our feelings too often and what’s right too little. We’re addicted to being happy. And that’s our downfall.

Certainly, some people are more prone to this than others. Temperament plays a big part of how much of a struggle it is. Some can see how the devil works on our emotions better than others, and naturally they put up the better fight. But there’s no question that this is Satan’s biggest foothold in our psyche, and he knows how to play it like a violin. Worse yet, it’s not too hard to hear him fiddling away if you’re of a personality type that’s more prone to logic and judgment than  feeling and reacting.

Am I saying that feelings don’t matter? Absolutely not. God gave us feelings, so obviously they aren’t all bad. It’s just that we tend to give them more weight than they deserve. We were created to love, and work, and do His will – not to live in the isolation of keeping “self” happy. And that’s exactly what not guarding our emotions will lead to: isolation. If you don’t step outside of yourself and look at things with a balance of logic, then you wall yourself in and drive others out. It’s all about living in a balance and being happy with what’s right, not with what makes us feel good. I’ve read a lot about guarding your emotions and the trouble the devil can cause with them if we don’t learn when and when not to pay attention to them. Our duty is to love God and do what’s right, not to feel good all the time. We tend to forget that “happy” is a side effect of living right, not the main goal. Too often we take it for the cheeseburger when it’s really the fries.

I can tell you this: there’s a chink in our armor, and the devil knows it. Do you really want to let him rip it open and bend your mind to his will? Or do you want to take dominion over your mind and do what’s right? The choice is yours. Remember what I say so often: you can’t change the world from the outside. It happens from the inside, and now you know there’s a battle in your mind to keep you enslaved. What are you going to do about it?

That’s all today. Take care. Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend.

Bye!

Can anybody explain to me why things are turning into high drama these days? Did I miss something while I was reigning in my life and getting Splinter ready for publication?

At first, I thought this might be the case. Since Labor Day, I’ve seen people making a huge, drama deal out of things that were, for all intents and purposes, no big deal. The first time, I passed it off as well, that knocked the slats out from under them and apparently they were affected in a big way by it. The second time, I thought it was people making something out of nothing. But there was another instance yesterday when somebody had explosive reaction to a simple request, and that made me wonder: what’s going on? Is there something in the water supply and Rick and I escaped it because we’re on a well? What is it? I shared my experience with Rick and he agreed that it was a big reaction to a small thing, and that we’ve seen a lot of this in a variety of places in recent weeks.

So what’s up, folks? Because when you make big drama out of minuata, it looks like one of three things:

1.      You’re hiding something;

2.      Something triggered a guilty conscious reaction; or

3.      You’re trying to stir things up. 

Far be it from me to judge or even speculate. I’m not asking for the story, but I sense chaos swirling. Keep it on your turf, please. I have enough crazy in life. I’m not accepting any more. And frankly, I understand that everything isn’t my business (thank God), nor do I want to impose myself on it. I have my hands full with attending to my own life, thank you very much. 

Just know this: these huge reactions are as good as a billboard saying SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG!! If that’s not the message you intend to send, present it more accurately. If you are throwing hints, I’m not asking questions, but realize that not everybody will be that gracious. Busybodies abound, and eventually someone will start digging. It won’t be me, but someone will come with a shovel to start excavation. Be careful. They might dig up more than you want.

Maybe it’s simpler than all of that : people being themselves. I mean, the President and Congress are doing whatever they darn well feel like. They're acting like a bunch of girls that are mad because the boy they like took someone else to the Homecoming Dance. If they're acting like that, why shouldn't everybody else do what they darn well please, and throw violent fits and blame games over the consequences?

Whatever the case, I’ve decided not to spend any more mental energy pondering it, because there’s no figuring it out, and I’m averse to wasting my time. But whatever it is that’s the source of the drama – big, small, anywhere in the middle, or absolutely nowhere – good luck with that. 

That is all. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 

Bye!


 

So, what's up in your life? Here's a summary of the fluff and stuff that is my life these days. I think these "wazzup" entries are good to let you know what's inspiring my writing each and every day.

Work's a challenge. My boss retired effective June 30, but her last day was actually June 27. I won't lie - it's been a tough year so far for our staff. That's two members of our staff that have left, and two other people in areas that support our programs have also left. 4 people folks. I keep looking for that revolving door so I can seal the darn thing shut. In reality, it's overwhelming. As I told someone last week, every day is a new challenge that has to be conquered. It really is. We're all literally taking life one day at a time now, hoping that eventually it will balance out and stabilize if we just take it as it comes. And I'll be honest with you: this "surviving each day as it comes" is not acceptable to me. It's crap and I don't like it. But I can also whine and complain and kvetch all the time, and it won't change a thing. It is what it is and we have no choice but to take what we've got and make it something better. So I get up every day, and pray, and boldly face the day, believing that one day this too will pass; one day this will work out; one day the load will lighten and we will be back to something that we can call "normal" again. I have to believe that it will. I've been through worse than this and I'm still alive. And I know the Lord wouldn't allow it if it wasn't the path to a better way and a better day. I've done it before, and it looks like I'm called to do it again. It seems a bit soon to me to face radical change again - it's only been 3 years since the last time - but I haven't come this far to fail and be defeated by it. 

At times like this, I'm very thankful for the Law of Undulation. It means that it's literally impossible for this to last forever. Either this will pass, or the world will end and it all goes up in ash. Lovely thought, there. I'm sure we all pray for the former but frankly, there are days that the latter doesn't look so bad. I had a friend that would say "this would be a good rapture moment!" when it got really stressful, and I must admit there have been some of those times too. Of course, I'd remind her that "the Lord isn't letting us out that easy" and we'd all get a laugh. 

So how do I cope? Well, you know me - when the going gets tough, I get writing, and it seems that sci-fi is my go-to genre for times like these. That's okay, because I like sci-fi. I had someone inform me last week that they though it was awful that I was turning to sci-fi and why don't I do romance? So I did the math for them: I like sci-fi + that's what ebook readers are buying + I don't really give a crap what you think because it's not like you actually read a thing I write anyway = I'm writing sci-fi. It's pretty simple, really. People that know me are going to judge my writing based on what they think of me. Strangers will judge my writing by whether or not it's any good. And there are more people I don't personally than I do personally know. It's not vector calculus. 

Rick and I went to the one and only drive-in movie theater a few weeks ago to see World War Z and Man of Steel. We really wanted to see Man of Steel, but it was a double feature and they only let a limited number of people in, so we had to go early and see both movies. I liked Man of Steel, but World War Z wasn't really my thing. I'm not really into zombies, but it seems that's a very popular thing right now. I find it ironic that the brainless, walking dead are popular in a culture accused of "dumbing down." Every time I get in my car, I see brainless activity, and it seems that brain dead crap is always happening in the car in front of me. What's up with that? You wouldn't believe some of the crazy maneuvers I see, and I only have a 10-15 commute each day. It's half of what it used to be, but I see just as much careless driving. It's funny: I know several people teaching their kids to drive and they go on about how driving is a privilege, then they run read lights, swerve lanes, cut off people in traffic, and run Yield signs like they don't exist. There's you're zombies, folks. The brain rots behind the wheel of a car. People ask if I'm afraid to fly and I say no - it's safer to get on an airplane than to get in a car, and I get in the car a lot more often. Why should I be scared to fly? I'm safer at 30,000 feet because those pilots didn't get their license in a Cracker Jack box  like many SC drivers obviously did. 

Zombies driving - that's amusing. You know what's more amusing? People that call and complain about how depressed they are and how awful their life is, and then then they wonder why nobody wants to talk to them. I've heard a lot of people complaining about this little phenomenon lately. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. There are 4 things that will run people out of your life faster than the Zombie Apocalypse: crying, whining, complaining, and anger. If you're looking to do some housecleaning in your personal life, employ any of these things and that'll do it in swift order. I've seen it happen and will humbly admit that I've made this mistake. I think it took me going through two major life changes and noticing that only my family remained before I realized that I couldn't monopolize everybody with complaining or fussing about the unfairness of life or they'd leave. I've seen other people suffer this same fate by kvetching about their awful  life and crying over the depressing state of things until they raised the rivers to flood stages. I'll even give you a case in point: I know somebody (I promise, not me, but somebody that would bar-b-que me if I mentioned them by name here) that had someone call them every day complaining about being depressed. She tried to cheer this person up to no avail. Finally, one day, the person called while she was in the middle of cooking supper and asked her to come over. The person I know said no, I can't do that, the family will be home soon. "So?" the person said, "I'm depressed! They'll be okay!" That's it, she said. No more. They didn't speak for a while. A couple of months ago, the person I know had a family member get sick. She told this friend, who she decided to forgive and slowly allow back into her life. You know what the friend said? "Oh, stop whining. They'll be fine!" and she curtly said she had to go because she had a visitor and hung up. Do you think the person I know still calls that one a friend? No - and the ex-friend has no idea why she's been cut off!

Addendum: the ex-friend is the one that told me switching to writing sci-fi was awful. Hence, my not caring. I'm pretty sure that if that one were abducted by aliens, they'd bring her back shortly!

The take away: if you want people to be there for you, you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and what they care about. It's my famous tag line: you must at least act like you care even if you don't care about them and their issues any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. I'll even take it a step further and give you a litmus test: if you're about to call somebody to vent or have a heart to heart, ask youself if you can name two things going on in that person's life that's important to them right now, today, this minute. If you can't, put a sock in it and make the call to find out what's up with them before you commence kvetching. Or read their blog. That'll do it. And don't dare ask for prayers unless you've prayed for others yourself. I know a lot of people guilty of that. Someone asked me to pray for them once. I said sure, remember that I asked for prayers before too. Can I ask that you keep praying? Blush. Oops, forgot. Sorry - but I will! Well, up yours too. You just made the "whatever" list, as in  "Lord, I don't wish them ill, but they're stuck on themself and only You can reach them, so whatever you deem appropriate, do it to lead them to a better balanced life." There. Done.

I know I talk about not complaining too much, and here I am doing it. Guilty as charged. I'm calling it as I see it, but I feel examples are in order and frankly, there are a great number of frustrations in my life now. I'm trying, I really am, to get back in balance. It isn't easy, but I don't give up. I'll just keep writing my awful sci-fi and go on with life :)

We're studying the  Book of Revelation in our Sunday School Class now. It's interesting. It's also hard to take things too seriously when you consider that it's all going up in disaster and flames one day. The problem is that it hasn't happened yet and we don't know when it will, so we're called to keep on keeping on and taking care of this rock we call home until the day comes that we're released through death, rapture, or disaster. Hmm. Those are things you try not to think too hard about.

We just got back from the beach for the 4th of July. We had a good time, but it was typical 4th of July issues: wall to wall people and sweltering heat. There's only one place you can go 4th of July weekend that isn't crowded, and that's church. Every other place is crowded, and you see it no matter where you go. Even here at home it's crowded. However you celebrate, you have to pack your patience. But we did have a good time. We saw the fireworks at Broadway at the Beach and we saw the Good Vibrations show at The Carolina Opry. I really enjoyed that. They played rock songs from the 60's - 80's and put on a great show. If you're in Myrtle Beach, you should see it. I believe they have that show on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays during the summer and Tuesdays and Fridays other times of the year.

But the long weekend is over and tomorrow is back to work time. I shall face the challenges that come and keep working on my writing. And so, it will continue this day, much as every other.

That's all. Thanks for hanging in there, and I hope you have a great week. Here's a video to get us all going.

Bye!

There are some phrases in widespread, common use that seem to be universal hot buttons to piss people off. Really, I don’t understand how it became commonplace for people to say things that erode the very respect that relationships are built on, and yet I hear people say it – and complain about having these things said to them – frequently. 

Certainly, we should always be honest and authentic in our dealings with people, but discernment is an absolute necessity in our dealings with ALL people. Just because it flies through your brain doesn’t mean it needs to fly out of your mouth, and in fact there are many times when it’s best to keep that thought in your head and fake it till you make it with your words (or silence, depending on the situation). For example, here are some phrases you should eliminate (or at least, drastically reduce) in your vocabulary that will garner more respect, motivate people to cooperate and work well with you, and make you appear more intelligent and savvy:

1.   “Whatever.” Nothing coveys the ignorant-inconsiderate-jerk trifecta like this one word phrase. You have the entire English language at your disposal and that’s all you’ve got? If it is, then it’s time to recognize the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, the best course of action is to gracefully back away and let silence be golden. And if you refuse to exercise the right to remain silent, then a simple “I hope that works out for you and wish you luck” is much more dignified than throwing out something that makes you look like a cross between an immature tween and a person that’s learning English as a second language -  and isn’t quite getting it.

2.    “Do what you’ve got to do.” I don’t hear this one as much as I used to, but it’s still out there, and it’s a sin for the same reasons as “whatever.” More accurately, that’s redneck for “I don’t like what you’re doing and would move Heaven and Earth to stop you, but that would reveal me as a selfish jerk to the rest of the world and I don’t want to do that, so go on and get this over with so you can get back to doing things that make me happy.” It isn’t your job to like or even understand everything that other people do, so let go and accept that people have a right to lead their lives, do things, and make decisions that work best for them regardless of what you say, think, or need. Instead, say “I understand this is important to you.” Even if you don’t and you hope it blows up in their face, just fake it and at least acknowledge their right to live as they see fit.  Because I guarantee you’ve done things that made them go “Hmmm” in the past . Plus,  if you want people to stay interested in your life, then you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and their life, even if you don’t care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. 

3.   “That’s not my problem.” I stand back when people say this because it’s an open invitation for the universe to hit you with its best shot, and that’s a challenge it ALWAYS accepts. Sure, you aren’t responsible for every single thing that happens in the world, and there are some things that aren’t your business, but have some dignity in declining to accept responsibility that you feel isn’t yours. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that” is much more gracious and doesn’t invite fate, the universe, the world, or whatever you wish to call it to deliver an entirely new batch of problems into your life. Fake sympathy for the other persons’ plight even if you don’t really feel it because you WILL be at the receiving end of this one day, and the measure you get will be the measure you’ve given. It happens to us all.

4.  “You don’t really want that,” or “Stop wasting your time on that and do this instead.” Excuse me, when did God appoint you to His position, because that’s what it looks like you’re playing at with either variation of this. You have no way of knowing what’s in other peoples’ hearts or what plans are in store for them, and they aren’t required to get your approval for it, either. People have a right to make their own decisions. You never know what might happen and statements like this may very well make a fool of you one day. Don’t take a chance. 

5.  “I told you so.” Even if you preface it with the I-hate-to-say-it-but clause, it’s still ridiculous because they already know. Demonstrate some maturity and don’t gloat over somebody’s failings, even if they asked for it and everybody knew it was foolishness from the start. As I said in the last statement, people have a right to make their own decisions and that means having the grace to let them make their own mistakes. Pray they’ve learned from the experience, and don’t gloat lest you wander into folly someday. Because none of us are as smart as we think we are. 
 
6.    “ I did that too, and let me tell you how I did it better.” Nobody likes a know-it-all or a show off, and a constant need to one-up people blinks “I’m insecure!” brighter than a digital billboard. You don’t have to be in the spotlight every minute of every day. Back down and let others have their day in the sun every now and then. Because we all know that nobody’s done everything under the sun, and there will always be people out there that have done it bigger, better and more recently than you have. Let go of the competition to always be #1 and learn to be happy with the life the Lord gave you.

7.   “If I were you, I’d …” Turn off anybody that prefaces a statement with this immediately, because it’s a clear sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about. Wisdom gives options. Experience shares insight. Ignorance says that if they were you, they’d go out and kick the world in the you-know-where, and that’s most often foolishness that would make a bigger mess of things if anybody were dumb enough to take this advice. Plus, they wouldn’t have the guts to actually do it, because some people are good at telling people to do things they wouldn’t dare do themselves.

8.     “You should make them do it.” Guess what? Scientists have found the center of the universe and it’s not you. That’s the fastest way to run a person out of your life. You don’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do, and if you try to then trust me – you’re ego can’t handle what they really think about you. If you have to control someone every minute to “keep them in line,” then you’re trying to force them into a place or relationship where they don’t belong. Don’t beg people to be your friend or try to force them to your will. Pray for what Joyce Meyer refers to as “divine connections.” Those are friends and acquaintances that you get along with so well that you don’t want to change them because you appreciate how their uniqueness enriches your life. 

9.     “I would NEVER do that/accept that/put up with that.” Never say never or the Lord will make you do it to show you who the boss really is. One never in your life that’s absolute: you never know what life has in store for you. Someday you could well be dining on crow while dealing with something that you thought you were too smart/special/good for. Life has a way of humbling us, and the “I would never” statements are a GPS on how to get that done. 

10.   Anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you and your family” at a visitation or funeral. Anything else sounds stupid and believe me, there’s nothing clever or inspirational you can say that will get through people in the depths of grief. The dumbest things I’ve ever heard have all been said at visitations and/or funerals because people try to justify death and offer comfort in religious platitudes. Folks, I’m Christian too, but this isn’t seminary or time to play preacher. I remember what C.S. Lewis wrote about death not being natural because human beings weren’t created to die and it’s the most painful consequence that we pay for sin. He’s absolutely right. There’s nothing right about death and there’s no way to wrap it up in pretty phrases or platitudes that makes it suck less. So give it up. Don’t engage in conversations with the bereaved if they try to start one, either. This isn’t the time or place to engage in theological discussions, discuss anything beyond condolences for the loss (no gossip or “what’s up with me” statements), and it certainly isn’t appropriate to leverage your personality or make a big impression. It’s a subdued occasion so dial it down, make an appearance, and for goodness sake, shut up.

Maybe you relate to some of this and are nodding, saying thank you for revealing it! Or maybe you see it as a calling out. I certainly don’t mean it that way, and I admit that I’m guilty of uttering some of these phrases. In fact, I  had to work at cutting the “whatever” and “I told you so” out of my vocabulary, and I get along with people so much better now that it’s gone. My point is not to say “shame on you.” It’s  to shed light on small things that chip away at trust and give guidance that I’ve learned in building bridges to cooperative relationships that last. It takes time and effort, but if modifying my vocabulary slightly will help with that, then it’s an effort worth making. I believe if you’ve read this far then you believe it’s a worthy effort, too.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend. 
 
Bye!

As we head into a new year, I ponder my resolution to have better balance in my life on a number of levels. One of those (very important) levels is in the area of stress reduction and reducing worry in my life. I think these are things we all struggle with, and recently I've come to realize there's a great deal that we impose on ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships.

This realization came after having several people tell me things that other people said and/or did over the past few weeks and asked what I thought of it. I remembered that when I was under a therapist while going through my life changes a few years ago, one of the things she told me was that the secret to finding balance was realizing what was and wasn't my business. "You concern yourself with your responsibilities and what you control and let go of the things in the hands of others," she said. That's certainly true, and in fact remembering this advice upon being asked my opinion on these various situations and issues made me realize that people, in general, bring on a lot of their own stress by worrying about or fretting over things that other people think, say or do - things they have absolutely no control over.

Why do we do this? My first reaction was that it's arrogance. Frankly, we all have a tendency to beleive that everything is all about us - and that's wrong. The truth is that everything people think, say and do is all about THEM. It's a reflection of how they see the world. Even if they say that "others made me do it," the truth is that they made the decision on how to perceive things and on how to proceed. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. Plus, by nature, people are going to do what's best for them and the ones closest to them. Why should they do something that benefits you 100% and them none at all when you aren't the center of THEIR world?

So there's one reason, but I don't think that's all of it, nor the major portion. In fact, I think if that were the whole reason, then it would mean that people in general are extremely selfish and short sighted, and I don't believe that such a narrow view applies to most people most of the time. Some maybe, but absolutely not all. Maybe not most. And remember, I said there's some truth to this. Maybe it's a small part, but I don't think that's a "once size fits all" explanation for it. Most people learn, grow, and gain a wider perspective on the world and as such, they aren't so shallow.

I believe another reason is that we want everybody to like us. The problem is, I recently read that there was actually some scientific study that at least 10% of people aren't going to like you. Frankly, I was surprised the percentage was that low. I thought it would be closer to 30%, but the latest study I read said 10% so we'll run with that. Why is this? Plain and simple, personality differences. Some types just don't play well together. If you don't believe it, ask any extremely emotional person I've come in contact with and they'll tell you I'm mean and don't give a crap about their feelings. I am, by nature, a person that leans more toward logic and reason in making decisions than emotion. I usually don't get along well with extremely emotional types that "just want peace" and "want everybody happy right now" because I beleive happiness comes from investing the time and hard work to do things right no matter how you feel about it "right now." If you do what's right, then it will work out in the end, and that's a happiness that last; not a vapor of high emotion that wears off when the party is over and the consequences have to be paid. In fact, since I've been working in professional licensing, I'd say my tendency to make decisions based on logic and reason have become a stronger  because by nature of my profession, I'm obligated to do what's right no matter how people feel about it. I don't think that's a bad thing (of course), but I've caught some flack about it because I'm female, and by stereotype I'm supposed to be all about feelings. While I'm ok to say "alright, forget the 10% and thank God for and enjoy the other 90%, well, some people get awfully fixated on that 10% and believe that if they work harder then they can get a 100% approval rating. It seems their effort would be better spent nurturing relationships with the other 90% but in fact, sometimes they turn on the ones on their side to gain approval they'll never have, counting on forgiveness from that 90% that might come, but not realizing that it will have a higher price than they bargained for because broken trust is a very hard thing to rebuild. But it happens, all the time. I've experienced it; I've seen it; I've written about it. Hey, I'm a writer. The ugly underside of humanity is a playground of inspiration. Expose it to me at your own risk.

Just kidding - maybe. And a sidenote on the emotion thing: I'm interested to see if the stereotype of "hysterical emotion" in  women downplays as more generations of women have careers.Working women don't have time to fret over every little wayward comment, rolled eye, questionable social media post, tear or tirade that comes their way. Or at least, me and my colleagues don't. But we'll see as time tells this particular tale.

So there's that. But not all people are emotional and out for approval ratings that would make politicians jealous, so reason #2 can't apply to everybody. But it does apply to enough that I believe it should be considered.

There is one more reason, and I think it applies to most of us. I believe the reason people get tied up in what others think, say and do is because they don't want to be alone in how they think or feel. They want to know that others agree with them. They want others to have an opinion with them, or to get mad with them, or to be sad with them, or to take up the cause with them because they don't want to be the only freak swimming against the tide. They want to know they're like everybody else and what the other person is doing is wild/selfish/stupid/crazy/nonsense/whatever. They don't want to be alone in their opinion or feelings because they don't want to look in the mirror and ask "is it them, or is it me?" We all want to be right. We all want the world to understand that our opinion is just as important as everybody elses'. We all want respect. Nobody wants to be a nobody. They want people to know that they're here, that they have value, and that they are just as important as the other 7+ billion people in the world.

Here's the thing, though: Going about it by getting tangled up in other peoples' business is a sign of insecurity. If you truly walk in faith and you're confident in yourself as the authentic human being you were created to be, then you don't need to beg or scream for attention. You humbly go about your own business, believing that the life God set before and the purposes you serve speak for themselves. 

That's the cure. That's how you break free from this stress. You get busy living your own life and tending to your own businss and have the grace to accept others and the decisions they make without intruding into their lives with your opinions.

Does this mean you ignore others and don't care what they do? Of course not. You should always do your best to help people in need and if there's something you can do to help others on their life path, you certainly should. The key is to use common sense and discernment. Yes, we all have opinions on things, but we don't need to share them all the time. Everything that flies through your head doesn't need to fly out of your mouth. If you aren't asked for your opinion or advice, assume it's not wanted or needed and keep it to yourself. I'd even go so far as to say that you should still use caution in giving advice even if you ARE asked for it. As one of the elves said in The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, "elves don't give advice because all paths may run ill." Think before you speak. If in doubt, don't. And realize that advice is a take it or leave it thing - and in many cases, people leave it, so be prepared to have your advice or opinion rejected just in case and be prepared to not get offended. And please, for the love of God, if it won't make any difference and you have a thought - don't. Stop right there and go no further. If it's done and/or there's no way it's changing no matter what anybody says and you really need to get it out, set up a private blog or buy a journal to work it out, but don't go off on tirades and complain to everybody in the world about things you can't control involving people close to you. And don't ask or expect people to take sides with you unless you want to do the equivalent of renting a billboard that says I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. It makes you look bad and it makes other people run like hell from you when they see you coming. If it's something so big that you can't live with it, find a way to either deal with it or distance yourself from the situation. Just because a war's going on doesn't mean you have to be a soldier in it. Other people might want you to have their problems, but they can't draft you. You don't have to accept them and if you choose not to accept their problems, well then, it's over.

The point of this mile long blog is that I'm coming to understand that balance is something that we have to strive for in every area of life, and personal relationships are certainly a big element there. We do live in the world, with people, so having good, balanced relationships is an extremely important thing. And one way we can achieve balance in our relationships is by not being a busybody, minding our own business, and having the grace to let it be.

Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I hope you had a Happy Friday and that you have a great weekend.

Bye!

I’m often asked if the things that happened to Jana Lanning in my recent novel, Anywhere But Here, actually happened to me. For those of you that haven’t read this novel, Jana Lanning, the protagonist, is denied admission to graduate school, finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her, helps her best friend get married and move out of town, and has to settle for a job that she’s overqualified for – and all of this happens within two weeks of getting her undergraduate degree. Then to make things worse, the office where she works starts a merger with another firm and Jana finds herself on the wrong end of office politics that are the final straw  in her battle with depression. The thing people seem the most interested in are the office politics. People want to know if the happenings at Dixon Financial are reflective of my job before it was transferred to a new agency a couple of years ago. 

In response to that I’d say not entirely, but I can’t deny that some things that happened to me early in my career are reflected in people and events that take place in the book. I know that’s cryptic, but bear in mind two things: The people and events are fictionalized and that was accomplished through a mixture of my personal experiences, experiences I’ve seen and heard of from other people, and instances I’ve read about in books, magazines, news and other media. It came from a vast pool and I’ll admit that I had experience with being on the wrong end of office politics – heck, how could you write about it even from a fictionalized perspective unless you lived it in some way – but it’s also a universal issue that anybody working in an office environment is going to be on one end or the other of. And sorry folks, but there are probably going to be times when you find yourself on the wrong side, at least from the perspective of the majority.  

My purpose in both writing Anywhere But Here and this entry isn’t to bash my former workplace. These things happened a decade ago, and I must admit that I said and did things that weren’t wise and didn’t lead to the best resolution in the situations I faced. I certainly learned from those experiences and in retrospect, I’m glad I learned those lessons early in life or I certainlywouldn’t be where I am now. The purpose is to share lessons learned, because this is something that I believe everybody in the workforce faces at some time. It makes you feel isolated and lonely when it happens, but the truth is that you aren’t alone. Lots of people face it but few talk about it because frankly, it’s embarrassing. 

I used to think that people playing office politics were selfish jerks that like to hurt people, but experience has shown me that it actually grows from a root of fear. People that play with power are insecure and doubt their own ability, so they create an elaborate game of turning people and things to their advantage. I’ve found that there are 2 good ways to identify a person that is likely to use power to their advantage:

1.They cling tightly to cliques that are made up of people that are higher on the chain of command than they are; and

2.They don’t associate with anybody on the chain of command below  them unless it’s absolutely necessary - and those people better give them what they want immediately or it’s insubordination.  

It’s the people in category #2 that usually find themselves on the losing end of office politics because any wrong word or deed will be met with fierce retaliation. I won’t say that I never see office politics anymore, but I have found that I find myself in these situations a lot less since I’ve been reclassified to a mid-level position. I’d like to think this is because I’ve proven that my knowledge and abilities are valuable, but it’s more likely that I learned valuable lessons on how to deal with these types from previous experience – and people know it. 

So what’s the secret to dealing when you’re the victim of office politics? If you’re right, stand by that. Don’t ever cave in and take the quick and easy way out because that’s a temporary end. If they’d turn on you once, they’ll turn on you again. Caving in only shows that you can be taken advantage of, and they will milk that dry, plus the consequences of doing wrong will follow you a lot longer than standing up for what’s right. They might not like you, but they’ll respect you and at least know not to let you catch them with their hand in the cookie jar again. If you aren’t right, correct yourself immediately and stick to your guns in walking down the right road. And whichever situation you’re in, it’s imperative that you have patience. Truth will show itself in time and it will be end game then.  It might take months or even years for things to come around, but they will and you’ll be better off for it. The reward will come in patient endurance, and it will be something that nobody can deny. Sure, there are people that are so stubborn that they’ll refuse to change their mind no matter what happens, but don’t worry about them. Leave them in their ignorance and move on because it’s highly probably that they’ll be gone in time themselves.

I believe Jana Lanning in Anywhere But Here is a good personification of office politics gone wrong, because she’s the one in the weakest position. She didn’t do anything wrong and in fact suffered for doing right, but recent personal losses kept her from taking a stand in the right way and the right timing. The people that create these situations are masters at turning things against you even if you didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s exhausting to constantly defend your own character. Unfortunately, she found this out too late and suffered the consequences of crossing the wrong people simply by being who she was and not deferring to people doing things wrong. She  was right and had proof of it, but she didn’t know how to present that truth in a combative work environment. That happens sometimes, and it’s awful. I think the worst offence in the world is to have to suffer for other peoples’ mistakes, and office politics are the ultimate example of that. 

I think this is why eople tell me that they find Jana Lanning so likeable. She’s a good person that doesn’t deserve the hard knocks that come her way from people taking advantage of her shy nature, youth, and inexperience. She makes the same mistakes that all of us made in our early adulthood and we understand her confusion at why life is kicking her around.  Reality is a hard teacher, and it’s the only one that can do the job once school leaves off. Remember the movie “St. Elmo’s Fire” from the 80’s? That strange, new world opening up is the exact thing that Jana faces, and we understand exactly where she’s coming from. She, like the rest of us, has to learn to find those gems of opportunity in the rubble of defeat to rebuild a new life from shattered dreams. In some ways, we may even relate to her right where we’re at, because life is always teaching us lessons.

So no, I didn’t start out in life exactly like Jana did. I  actually did marry my college sweetheart, but I never made it to graduate school because I found other things that I believed were worth more in my life than higher education. I never struggled with depression, but I knew (and still know) many who do battle that demon, and I hope Jana’s struggle helps people with depression understand that this is a battle they can win if they stay in the fight. But yes, I did go through an office merger in my early years in the workforce, and I found myself prey to the power plays, albeit in much different circumstances. All I can say is that wisdom comes from experience, and I gained plenty in those few years.

 And lest you think it’s impossible for poor Jana to face so much at one time, I call your bluff. Too much smashing my life to bits was the catalyst for my next novel, Splinter – but that’s one for a future blog entry. I’ll address it closer to the release date in mid 2013. Until then, enjoy Anywhere But Here and my other books - information on them and links to buy are on the other tabs of this website. I hope you find entertainment and inspiration in them. 

That’s all today. 

Bye!