Category: Change

The World Has Changed

9/11/2014

Chloe did a beautiful 9-11 tribute over at the Niblets blog, and I’d like to build on it with my own observations. Today, it’s hard to believe it’s been 13 years since the world changed, and she’s absolutely right about one thing: we can never go back. I can’t imagine getting on a flight now without being scanned down to my bones (and my luggage being scanned to the atomic level), and it’s hard to remember that the Department of Homeland Security didn’t exist once upon a time.

It brings up an interesting question that’s been posed over and over in the passing years: are we sacrificing our freedom for increased security? Many believe we are, and that it’s shifting us to a socialist state. We’ve heard plenty of screaming over the years about the NSA and other instances of the government snooping into our private affairs, which brings up the question of whether we’d rather be free or secure. And then again, if you’re doing what’s right, does it matter? After all, if you have nothing to hide, then why does it matter if the NSA knows where you are, who you’re talking, texting, and emailing to, and what you had for lunch today? I guess the real question is our right to privacy. And again, we enter the freedom/security loop. Is there an end? Is there an answer? I don’t know.

The escalating tensions in the east with ISIS now are actually a factor I’m figuring into the draft of the science fiction trilogy I’m writing. There’s no doubt that terrorism is still a huge issue in the world today, and it’s impacting world events and even history itself. I feel our grandparents generation, “the greatest generation,” are turning in their graves right now. They fought and worked so hard to rid the world of the evils of Nazi’s and the threats of dictatorships only to have radical terrorists rise to plague future generations. It just goes to prove that it’s always something. Marvel might have it right after all. Remember what Hydra said about “cut off one head, and two more rise?” That seems to be the truth. Fiction and reality have uncanny parallels. Then again, reality influences fiction, so there you have the answer to that riddle.

I think this is a testament to the fact that future generations will fully realize that 9-11 changed the world as we know it. They may not have the memories or personal connections and recollections of exactly how these changes happened. Heck, those of us that have experienced it probably find ourselves hard pressed to articulate it ourselves, because many of the changes are felt rather than seen. But we know it’s there, and they will realize it too, even if they weren’t here to experience it. It’s like we know Pearl Harbor changed the world, even though many of us weren’t around then. At least better media coverage will give future generations something more to see from the day that changed the world in the twenty-first century.

The truth is that we’re still seeking that balance between freedom and security, and the explosive advances in technology in the past 13 years haven’t made it any easier. Every step forward is one more thing we have to consider that can be misused by those that wish to do us harm. It’s a shame that we have to live in such a state of partial paranoia – but then again, as it ever been any other way? There were many decades between Pearl Harbor and 9-11, which no doubt led to some complacency. How do you strike the balance? I’m not sure there is any one answer, or what direction this whole debate is taking us as a nation, a society, and a world in. 13 years later, and the story is still unfolding in many ways. It’s something to think about.

That’s my meditation on the day. I offer a prayer for those lost on 9-11, their families and friends, and all affected by the terrible events of that day. Wait, that means all of us, because in one way or another, we were all affected. Well, here’s a pray for us all!

That’s all today. Take care. Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a fantastic weekend.

Bye!

The Devil You Know?

7/15/2014

Move, my latest urban fantasy/mystery novel, is on a virtual tour with a giveaway through Fire and Ice Book Tours this week, and I’d like to dedicate this entry to talking about the interesting paradox in the theme of this book.

The protagonist of this book, Ruby Josen, has a problem. She’s worn out of the same old job she’s had for the past eleven years, but she lives in a small town where opportunities are limited. Her family is gone, there is no potential for romantic relationships, few advancement opportunities, and her only friend is her sometimes outlandish/sometimes reclusive next door neighbor. When she’s turned down for the only job promotion available, she slides into despair.

I already hear the one question you asked about halfway through that paragraph: why is Ruby staying in a dead end life in a dead end town with no prospects? It seems obvious that she has no life left there. Ah yes, but that’s the thing, and in the way of an answer, let me turn the question back on you: how willing are you to not only embrace change, but pursue it? I don’t mean things like a new haircut or a new car, things that seem like big decisions until you settle in and see the change was nothing but a drag-and-drop from there to here. I mean huge, life altering changes that take an anvil to everything you know and leave you with a zillion little pieces to pick up and put together into a brand new life that you no longer recognize?

I think you get my point – Ruby’s quandary isn’t unique. It is, in fact, more common than we realize, because people don’t know how comfortable they are in the stagnation of their life ruts until they’re ripped from them and put on unfamiliar ground. They may hate it. There may be things about their life that they absolutely detest and would be willing to anything to change – to a point. And that’s exactly the thing that Ruby faces when she crosses paths with a mysterious stranger that promises that he can take these things away if only she asks, and asks for nothing in return. She faces the question that so many of us face when life gets stale and we feel restless with what is and apprehensive of what could be if only we got up and made a move – which is worse; the devil you know, or the devil you don’t?

Ruby finds out that the devil she knows has sides she’s never seen when the wish granting has catastrophic consequences. Her rut is starting to cave in on her. She realizes that if she spent as much energy taking a chance on a new life as she did clinging to her old one, then things could be a lot better. She learns that change is the path to a better life. She discovers that standing up to the dragon of fear is less fatal than running from it, because you can’t outrun that fire. You have to steal it’s thunder and make it work for you. That’s the only way to win.

I believe that fear controls people more than anything else. It’s basic psychology that all human beings are motivated by one of two things – rewards or consequences – and it seems that people spend more time running from consequences than working towards rewards. We have it all backwards, and it’s a shame, because you can’t build a good life if you’re too busy running from things to lay a foundation for it.

I have first hand experience with major, life altering change. My job was transferred to a different department and let me tell you, a job change IS a life change. I’ve discussed the many facets of this adventure in this blog many times and won’t bore you with a recap, but I will tell you that it was a tough journey. More than a few people thought I absolutely lost my mind for supporting this move. They thought that I, like Ruby, should fight the battle until it ended in blood or a blaze of glory, but I knew it was useless and shortsighted. I and the others working with me saw great potential and benefits now and in the future. Of course, it was harder than I expected. There were times when I wondered if I made a terrible mistake, or if I was a fool to not put up a fight. It isn’t always easy to take the long view and keep the end goal in mind when right now is being a pain in your butt, but it was well worth it. I wouldn’t go back. In fact, it’s a shame this wasn’t done sooner.

You learn during these times, about yourself and others, and one thing that struck me was how scared people are of change. Most people won’t pursue change. They’ll accept it if it’s imposed on them, as I did, but they won’t actively pursue it “just because.” Change is a lot of hard work, and usually three times more than you see from the beginning (I can attest to that too!). Change has a chance of failure – it might not work out the way you expected, or things might be worse. Then again, failure isn’t fatal. But I think the scariest thing is the one that we hesitate to admit to ourselves: change forces us to become a different person, and we don’t know who that person will be. I can say that I’m not the same person I was four years ago, but I feel better about the person I am. This is a theme I deal with in the sequel to Move that I’m working on now – stay tuned for Obsidian in late 2014 to see how all of this has changed, well, everything!

No, Ruby’s dilemma isn’t all that uncommon. In fact, I believe all of us could see a bit of ourselves in her. Stagnation and change are uncomfortable things to work with, and like all beasts, they have a way of spring up when you least expect it.

Feel free to drop in on the blog stops for Move through July 21, and be sure to pick up your own copy. It’s on sale for $1.50 at Smashwords in all ebook formats through August 1 with coupon code WW75A, so add another summer read to your ereader app. If you don’t do Smashwords, it’s available for $2.99 through Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well. And, of course, if you like it, review it! There. That’s my humble, indie-author groveling for feedback.

That’s all today. Take care and enjoy the rest of your week.

Bye!

Another Year Bites the Dust

12/31/2013

And I say let it die. The more agonizing it's demise, the better. I know a lot of people had a magnificent year, and for them I'm happy, but for me it was a bag full of crap. I shall escort this year out with my foot, if necessary. Come midnight, it WILL leave.

But before that, let me pause to wish our male sun conure, Zacchaeus (Zack), a very happy birthday! Our little sunshine is 14 today! And before the obligatory "good Lord!" flies, conures can live up to 30 years. So this little ball of energy isn't even middle aged yet, and he doesn't feel (or act) a day over 2. Happy birthday, sunshine! We love you!

Of course, Zack's birthday is New Year's Eve, which is a day people typically think about the year past and resolve on how to do better next year. This is something I've been considering for a while. You know 2013 was a tough year for me if you've been following this blog, and yesterday's Facebook post that the anger and depression circling me has to go is probably no surprise to most of you. But the question remains, how did it get to be this way? And to discover that, I have to take a look in the mirror and consider two things: what did I do wrong to backslide, and what have I done right that I can build on?

I think the cause is simple: there was a lot of change in 2013, and I was overwhelmed by it. I just didn't realize it at the time. I had the attitude that "I've faced worse, so this is nothing," but that wasn't necessarily true. I wasn't honest with myself or with others. Honestly, I was as scared as everybody else by everything shifting around me. I put on a brave face, but perhaps, I should have sat down for a moment and considered that, no matter what I've seen and what I've experienced (whether better or worse), I really wasn't as boldly confident in facing things as I acted. In other words, I underestimated myself. So one lesson learned in 2013: you can slay the dragon, and still die from a wasp sting, so to speak. Facing down bit monsters and getting around huge mountains doesn't guarantee that you've got the smaller stuff whipped. In fact, you may still be reeling from those big battles so much that you don't have as much left in you to face them the way you faced things last time. So there was the pitfall. I was too confident and not honest with myself. lesson learned.

As for the anger and depression thing, well, with change around every corner it's natural to wonder "how's life going to punch me in the stomach today?" but I don't have to accept that. I don't have to be a victim of circumstance, or of other peoples' decisions. I need to get back to slowing down and really looking at things and situations to mine the opportunity out of it. I haven't done that, and because of it I've become fearful and my outlook on the future has been downcast. I don't want to be that way. So I need to get back on track, to thoughtfully act with wisdom and consideration instead of reacting, and I believe that will help my overall outlook. I know you can't help everything that happens to you. In fact, there's a great deal you have no control over. But you can take your time to evaluate things and consider the best course of action. I haven't been doing that, and I need to get back to it. I'm not going to allow life to kick me in the rear anymore. Everybody else has been doing what's best for them, and I have a right to do the same. And so I shall.

The anger thing has been resolving itself over the past few months. It's been a journey, and not flattering in places, but I do see now that all that's happened and all people have done has wound out for the best. Things take time to settle and once again, my frustration in the tidal wave of change caused me to slip in discernment here and there. I'm sorry for that and while it might be too late in some circumstances to make things better and to admit to gaining perspective, well, I can say here that I was too hasty in some of my words here and there and I do realize now that it was all for the best. I also realize that discernment is always the way of wisdom. So I brush myself off, get back up, and resolve to learn from those mistakes and to more thoughtfully consider words, actions, and reactions to questions or inquiries in the future. I tried, there were some places where I failed, so I have to face it, learn from it, and move on.

It seems that the key to a better 2014 (and beyond) is to:

Be honest with myself, and

Take time to prayerfully and thoughtfully consider all things, big and small.

Yes, I brought a great deal of this on, but that doesn't mean that I have to stay down. I underestimated myself, my reactions, and my emotions this year. I slipped, thinking that I had defeated bigger things and let smaller things undermine me. Lesson learned. I shall be more prayerful, diligent, and thoughtful from now on. And I don't have to wait for the fireworks to go off at midnight to start it, either. I can do it right now. I've come too far to fail now, and I need to renew my commitment to protecting and building on the blessings I've worked so hard for.

So all in all, that's my resolution for 2014: to do better. It might sound vague when you boil it all down to basics, but it covers a big journey through 2013 and what I hope to take forward from it. And no doubt, that journey will show when I start writing the sequel to Move in the next month or so. In fact, it's a large part of what's inspired me to go back to that story and do more with it. Stay tuned for progress on that one. I'm excited about that journey!

Happy New Year to you. Stay safe, and enjoy it.

Bye!

Progress?

9/22/2013

I spent a good deal of yesterday afternoon restoring my phone after getting the iOS7 update. Apparently, something went wrong when I updated it, and the phone typed very slow. Rick suggested restoring it and reinstalling the system, which took a while, but worked. And now that it's working right, I'm still adjusting. It's different, but I'm willing to see how well this works. I do like the "look" of it better, but getting to know the functions are another story. I'm sure it will probably work out fine.

You know me - I'm willing to give change a chance. It is, after all, the path to progress. There are some times, however, when I wondered whether our steps forward were actually taking us in the direction we want to go. Not many, mind you. Only a few. In fact, I can only think of 3 times when I thought the steps forward were a bad idea:

1. Smartphones are getting bigger. I thought the point of a cell phone was compact convenience of use. As it is, my iPhone 4S will barely fit in the pockets of most of my pants, and there's no way the more updated models would. Screens are getting bigger, and it seems that would make it more awkward to carry and handle. Pretty soon, they'll be as big as tablets, and then how's that going to work for those of us that don't like belt clips? I don't know about this one. I know I'll eventually have to upgrade, but I certainly hope they slim down the size before that day comes. Otherwise, I'm holding on to what I have until it dies.

2. Houses don't have laundry rooms any more. Sometime in the late 80's and early 90's, house designers decided that hallways and laundry rooms were a waste of space. They elected to make the "living areas" (dens, kitchens, bedrooms, bathrooms, etc) larger, shorten halls, and have a "utility closet" instead of a laundry room or mud room. On the hallway issue, I agree - that's a complete waste of space. But the utility closet is something I think was a bad idea, and it's from experience in not one but 2 houses. Both in my parents house (built in 1989) and ours (built in 2007), that "utility closet" creates what I refer to as a "barricade of doors." What I mean is that the closets are usually shoved in spaces like entry ways or back pantries, around other doors and cabinets. If you're doing laundry and you need to go in one of those cabinets or rooms, you literally get trapped in a maze of open doors and can't move unless you close a door. It's definitely an accessibility problem. And while I understand the "out of sight, out of mind" problem with laundry rooms and washers in garages and basements (the concept that you're more likely to forget you're doing laundry if the washing/drying area is isolated), at least you don't have the problem of the washer or dryer doing the jig and making a racket on a large load of laundry while you're trying to watch your favorite TV show and drowning out the TV. I don't get it. Why could they fit a laundry room in my parents old house, or our old house, which was 1200 square feet, but in houses that are nearly twice that size - nope, just can't work that out.

3. "Basic" cars that are as tripped out at the Starship Enterprise - and cost about as much too. It's literally impossible to get a car for under $20,000 any more unless you buy a clunker that will be in the shop and still cost you as much as a car payment every month. That's just ridiculous. I can understand needing built in GPS, satellite radio, and all the bells and whistles if you drive a lot, but if you're like me and your daily commute doesn't even take you out of the county, then it's not worth it. Why on earth do basic cars need all of THAT, and why is it not possible to get something for under 20K that's less than 5 years old? Go ahead, tell me I don't get it. You're darn right about that. It's not worth dropping that kind of money on something I'm in for around 30-35 minutes a day. And yet, I must if I want it to be dependable to get me the 2 miles up and down the Interstate that I need every day, because we have absolutely no public transit where I live.

Maybe I don't get it, as I said. I don't know. These are just a few things that I feel that "progress" have made more complicated than they need to be.

That's all today. I hope you have a good week.

Bye!

Paradigm Shifts

8/26/2013

On this, my 38th birthday, I find my self pondering the progress of the past year. I suppose this is a natural thing to do on a birthday. On first glance it could seem disappointing, as there are no "major" changes to report, but that's actually deceptive. There have been changes in the past year, but they've been more in the way of "shifts" instead of what could be clearly defined as "changed." I suppose this sounds somewhat elusive, so of course I'm going to explain.

The progress of the past year has actually been more in the way of building on things that have already been in motion. While it doesn't seem that much has changed - after all, life is progressing along very much the same today as it was a year ago - I can't say that I think about or feel the way that I did about life as I did one, two, or five years ago. In fact, as I ponder it, I notice that my paradigm has shifted quite a bit in the last 4 years. I suppose this is natural. My job changed and I finally broke into publication with my writing in 2010 - 2011, and while these things are "the norm" in my life right now, I see how incorporating those changes into my life has changed my view of life and the world. My basic morals haven't changed. That's not something that's likely to change. But the way you see the world around you and apply those morals can change, and I'm starting to see the evidence that it's happened. When you walk in faith long enough, you delve deeper into things, and that's certainly what's happened to me.

So how have I changed? For one, I'm seeing a whole new application of the concept of "reaping and sowing," as described in Galatians 6:7. You all know that this is one thing that my grandfather was a big believer in, and I took it to heart. But this verse applies to more than just relationships with other people and how you treat them - it also applies to progress and purpose in life. In fact, if you shift two more verses you'll read that "in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9) After several years of hard work to re-establish myself professionally in my current workplace and to get my writing established, I see the value of patience in all that we do. If life really is a series of ups and downs, reaping and sowing, then that has big implications for all of life. If we choose to only allow ourselves to be happy on the mountaintop, when we're reaping the rewards of our labors, then we're guaranteed to be miserable (or at least, withholding our own happiness) at least 50% of our life. Folks, that just isn't acceptable to me. That's not going to do it. Sure, there are some people that enjoy being miserable and whining and complaining to get attention, but that's not the way I choose.

I know from experience that there are blessings in every day because I've been through the major life changes when I looked back and realized that there were little blessings that I took for granted, and I was sorry for it. An example: before my writing was published, I used to do counted cross stitching and wrote short stories. Much to my surprise, I find that I have very little time for that now, between promoting my published works and creating new ones. I love my writing and pray daily that it will continue to grow and reach more people - in fact, I'm prayerfully striving to make a break into science fiction with Splinter this fall - but there are some days when I miss having the time to cross stitch, or to goof off on Writing.com with short story contests. I didn't realize how much time these things filled in my life until my writing grew to the point where I had to make decisions about what stayed and what went. I still stitch occasionally, but large projects are out now. And as for short stories, they take me longer to write, prepare, and complete than they once did. And ditto for the work move. I was glad to make it and still believe it was the best, but I didn't realize the little things I took for granted, like talking to a couple of my friends when things got slow, the great walking paths on the State House grounds, a covered parking spot or those outstanding subs for a great price on Tuesdays and Fridays. Yes, I've gained a lot through both changes. I wouldn't undo either of them or the world because I gained a lot more than I lost. But I did learn to not despise the small things, and to appreciate the small blessings that go with each day as well as the big things we work so hard to cultivate and grow in our lives.

Some people say this means to "enjoy the journey on the way to where you go," but I think there's a deeper meaning than that. A devotion I read recently said, "God doesn't want you to be happy. He wants you to do what's right." That really hit me and helped me to get a grasp on my own paradigm shift. I used to think that the point was about being happy, and I actually worried for a little while, wondering if I'd ever be happy like I was before. I see now that I won't, because happy is a side effect. The purpose of life is not to serve our feelings, but to do what we're supposed to be doing and work hard to do what's right for our purpose in life. If you are faithful in well doing and obedient to the spirit, there's a contentment to your life that nothing - situations, circumstances, or other people and their attitudes (because that really reflects on them more than anything else, but that's a pondering for another entry) - can affect. You can rest in knowing that you're doing all you can, and that allows you to enjoy the blessings of every day, large or small. And contentment is better than happiness. It's more stable, because you can still see the blessing in what you have even if a thousand aggravations are bleeding out of them. It's built on a firmer foundation that gives you the patience to hold out for the "bigger picture" even if you don't understand what the point is (as is often the case). It's built on a trust between you and the Lord and nobody else can put their hands on it. And that can give you the courage to do what's right, even in the face of ridicule, opposition, or doubt. Happiness is transient and comes and goes with circumstances. Contentment is faith in action.

No, the earth hasn't moved in the last year. Things look much the same today as they do every other day. But I know they aren't. I see how the work at the everyday levels is building to something new and better. I might not know what yet, but when it is revealed then I'll reap a reward in due season, and be glad I didn't lose heart.

That's all today. I hope you have a great week.

Bye!

Embracing The New

8/22/2013

We got new telephones with headsets at the office last week. If you’ve been watching my social media posts, you know that I had a bit of an issue when they announced the change because they mentioned “tethered headsets,” and visions of assimilation by the Borg (from Star Trek) ran through my head. It turns out that the headsets are wireless, so my fears of being bound to the desk by wires and cords were alleviated. In fact, I’ve found the headset to be quite nice this past week – especially since our call volume has picked up with exam registration for one of my programs nearing a deadline.

There are a few people that are taking a bit longer to adjust to the new headsets. Sure, it was a pain getting it adjusted, but once that was done, it’s kind of nice. I can look up files on the computer or even check our file cabinets without putting someone on hold. As you can see, it’s barely noticeable. And my neck doesn’t hurt at the end of the day anymore. I’m not sure why there are some that find it difficult. It’s certainly made working easier for me this past week. I think people are seeing the benefits of them now that they've had some time to adjust.

I'm pleasantly surprised at people taking to them this quickly. I'm used to hearing people complain about change and new technology. There are complaints about new systems, complaints about new ways, and complaints about "messing things up." People say they're afraid it will take them longer because they "don't know that way, but I think it has more to do with not wanting to change. They don’t have to make an adjustment, so they don’t want to. And while it’s optional, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t want to try something that can make life easier for them.

The same goes for so many things. I’ve known people that refused to get computers for the same reason. I even knew a few people that refused to get cell phones until the city started removing pay phones from our area. They claimed they were scared they’d mess them up, but I think it’s the learning curve they feared more than anything. Learning how to use new things does require patience and dedication, and some people just don’t want to put forth the effort unless they’re forced to do it. It seems like laziness on their part, too. What they don’t realize is their refusal to learn is resulting in making their life harder, because it takes them twice as long to do it the old way. Change is the path to progress, and the reason these constant upgrades keep coming is because they’re saving time, energy, and frustration. Believe me, I know this from experience with going from a Department that had all paper files to a Department that’s all digital: I find things much faster with a few clicks in my database now than I did digging through file cabinets a few years ago. My productivity is much higher, and those new computer and tech skills are things I’ve taken to my writing, which as resulted in progressing over the years as well. Sometimes, you can apply it to your home life too, and that’s saving you time that you could spend on other things.

I don’t understand why people wouldn’t want to give something that can make life easier a chance. Taking the time now to learn something that makes me work faster and more efficiently is well worth the investment on the time it will save me later. Technology helps me to do so much more faster, better, and more efficiently. I certainly want to take advantage of anything that can help me. I know that this headset has literally saved me aches and pains this past week, and I like it. I’m not taking aspirin for that pain in my head, neck and shoulders that used to plague me on days when I was on the phone a lot nearly as much this past week. And because I feel better, I’ve accomplished a lot more at home and with my writing, too.

I guess it’s a matter of personal preference. If others want to grapple with paper files, rickety file cabinets, and receivers and cords, well, to each his own.

That’s all today. Have a great weekend.

Bye!

A Better Way

7/22/2013

Or perhaps there's a better way to behead the serpent of anger in my situation, and it can be for once and for all. And perhaps this way doesn't require making quite the mess I anticipated. Rather, it's completely civilized, but people will still squawk. I'll tell you what it is, then I'll tell you why they'll squawk, then how it all ties together.

Exhaustion got the better of me today, so I took the day off to rest and frankly, to think over my life. In pondering why I'm so angry, the final answer came to me, and when it did it was so simple that I was surprised it took this long to hit me. I've spent the last 3+ years changing my life and proving myself to people: proving that I can rise to this new life, proving that I'm trustworthy, proving my worth. But in this "epidemic of quitting" that's been going on the past few months, a realization has slowly been creeping up on me, so slowly that the fundamental question at the core of my anger just hit me over the weekend today.

How many of them have proved themselves to me?

Cue crickets chirping *here*

That's right, very few. Far fewer than have set this sky-high bar they expect me to clear, each and every day. Far more than come in my life wanting things. Far fewer than actually take a second to say "thank you" for my efforts.

I think it's perfectly fair for me to be frustrated and to set my heels and say NO, I will not do any more until YOU demonstrate to ME why I should trust you. I know what you want out of me, but what are you willing to offer that will enrich my life? I see what you get out of me "rising to it," but what do I get out of it? Are you supporting me as I support you? What will I get out of giving you MY all? Do you care about me as a person and my physical, emotional and spiritual well being as much as you care about the feelings you're trying to hold me hostage to? You demand a place in my life - okay, my life is changed. Now what are YOU going to do to show me why you DESERVE this place?

I think makes sense. There are a lot of demands on me and there's no use for me to bust myself up meeting them if there's nothing in it for the greater good. If it's about nothing but serving one person's selfish needs, then it's a waste of time. And the truth is, there are people online that know me better than people that see me every day. There are people across the country - and even across the world! - that are reading and commenting on my writing, and the person slinking up to me whining or demanding my help has never taken 5 minutes to read one of my short stories.

Well, it's time to prioritize my life. Trust is something that has to be earned, and I'm giving people until the end of the year to demonstrate to me why I should maintain the status quo. Why should I keep doing what I'm doing? Give me a reason. Show me why I can trust you and how you're committed to helping me or working together toward a common goal. Remind me of why I agreed to all of these changes in the first place. My New Year's Resolution for 2014 is to clean up my life: to make changes that will prune out what's not producing fruit in my life, and to feed what is. I'm at the stage of my life where time is the most precious commodity that I have, and I simply can't waste it on fruitless endeavors, or things or people that don't give a crap about anybody but themselves. I'm flushing the demon of selfishness out of my life. Nobody's got time for that, and I won't tolerate it any more.

Of course, there are some people that have always been true and trustworthy, and they have nothing to worry about. Nobody online has anything to worry about. This isn't about you. This is about improving my day to day reality and taking stock of what really and truly matters. If my trust is confirmed, then you have nothing to worry about. I will commit to working with you to overcome the things that present potential stumbling blocks on my end. I'll work on my distaste for travel, for starters, and being a harda**, and I have great hopes that the process itself will take me a long way in working through anger issues. But I need a reason. I've proven myself. Now prove yourself. It's not rocket science. Asking for 5 months of observable, consistent behavior to substantiate my trust and your purpose in my life is perfectly fair.

Of course, people will squawk about this because people don't want to be treated fair - they wanted to be treated special. But that's exactly the point. Respect isn't a free gift; it's earned. Anybody that wants a "special" place in a persons' life has to demonstrate it by being there for them in the tough times. Well, this is a golden opportunity to get in my "inner circle." If you're there for me over the coming months while I strive to work through my anger and the confusion it's causing, then you will have earned my trust. And believe me, I'm fierce about defending my friends. My inner circle isn't big, but if you're in then you have an ally that prays for you every day and will stand by you and fight for you to the end. But you have to get there, first. Now's your chance. It's a golden opportunity. It will be interesting to see who takes advantage of it.

I would like to thank you online friends and social media followers for hanging in there with me. I know that posting angry blogs and social media updates isn't generally recommended and that you get sick of it, but this blog is also about to be how the reality of my life feeds my writing. I feel I owe it to you to be honest because nobody wants to read sterilized posts, nor do they believe them. Hey, it takes some fire to keep things cooking, right? So far, this whirlwind that's been my life has had a huge impact on my writing. I think anybody will agree that my writing took a darker turn after Anywhere But Here, because that's when all of these changes started happening. I started to see a whole other dimension of reality, and it wasn't always pretty. But Splinter got a contract and people are buying and reading Move, so I know I'm not alone in feelings of anger and confusion over life just being, well, life. There must be others out there struggling with anger and confusion issues - especially given the amount of messages and reviews that describe how they can relate to the struggles my characters face. We all go through seasons of anger and confusion. I hope that, by reflecting it through my writing and telling the "story behind the story" in this blog, it helps others to bridge the gap in their own lives; to find the resolution so they can work things out and get back to a balance of peace and joy in everyday living. But thanks, to all of you online, for being there and your help and encouragement through various stages of this. Rest assured that this is about my day to day "reality" and in no way, shape or form is reflective of anything that's been said or posted on the Internet. I just hope that you find some help and encouragement for your own journey, or at least understand that my writing has rough edges because I have rough edges. I have flaws and right now, my big flaw is dealing with anger issues. I know it and thank you for being there while I work through it.

I will try. I will give working through this anger my very best shot and I won't quit because I'm sick of it and I don't want to be defeated. I want to be a whole person again, and I'm ready to start the process. But I need the people around me to do their part as well. This isn't a gauntlet being thrown down. It's a better way because I take responsibility for my part and give everybody else an opportunity to clarify their part, which I really do need right now. So bring me to life, folks, and in return you will get the best that I can offer. Because that's my policy: to do and give my best at all I lay my hand to. And now, since I announce this in a public, online forum, nobody has an excuse to say "I didn't know!" It's on the frigging World Wide Web. Anybody that really wants to know me doesn't have to look far to find me. Let's see who's seeking. Let's see who's listening. Let's see who's up to the challenge of demonstrating why rising to this higher ground benefits us all.

This isn't an easy journey, but I'm taking it. Now show me why it's worth it.

That's all today.

Bye!

Higher Ground

7/18/2013

Can you see the Colorado River in my picture from the Grand Canyon here? If you squint and look really hard, you can see a green triangle down there at the bottom, just right and down of the center of the picture. That’s it. I remember looking at it and thinking “that’s it? That’s the river that supposedly carved out all of this?”

I was surprised, especially when I saw a special on The Grand Canyon on satellite TV a few weeks ago. That’s a huge river! They have rafting trips along it that last over several days. I was shocked to see this huge river with very active rapids. My perception from the top of the canyon was way off. It looked so small from where I saw it, but if I had been down there at it, I would have seen something completely different. Something that was, indeed, capable of carving out that canyon, and a whole lot more.

I thought about this yesterday as I was reading my devotional. This year, I’m reading A Year with C.S. Lewis, and the reading was from Mere Christianity. He wrote “That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time. When a man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well … he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly. When troubles come along – illness, money troubles, new kinds of temptation – he is disappointed. These things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now? Because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him in situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us.” Today’s reading continued the course by stating that once God starts working on you, He doesn’t stop – ever – until you attain perfection in Heaven.

That was the word in season that I’ve been seeking. I knew I was getting mired down in things that didn’t really matter. It felt so much like the challenges I face are the same old things, and I wondered why I had to keep going through this, over and over. The devotionals these past two days opened my eyes to the fact that I’ve been mistaking moving up with being stuck and going around the same mountains. It looks the same, but it isn’t. I’m back here not because I didn’t get it last time, but because there’s something else in the situation this time that’s meant to help me rise to a higher level.

But why is this so? The answer struck me yesterday – or within 30 feet of me, literally – when lightening hit a transformer near the traffic light I was at. I saw that bolt of lightening come out of the sky and blow up that transformer. Good grief! That scared me! I just walked out to my car, griping about how running through the rain and thunder was stupid, and here was an indication of what it really was. I wasn’t so tough. I’m a mere human being, at God’s mercy, and I better be glad for it. And being a human being is exactly why these things happen. Time and chance happen to us all, believers or not, but you can count on the fact that if you accept Christ then the Lord is going to use that time and chance to take you out of your shallow little world and lift you up to higher ground. All of life is an evolution process, of moving up from the level you’re at. We’re meant to keep growing, to keep learning, to keep becoming better people as we experience life.

To put it in the context of my Grand Canyon illustration, we aren’t supposed to sit by the river, worrying about what it might do next. Yes, it’s carving rock. It’s transforming the landscape. But you aren’t supposed to sit there and wait. You’re supposed to keep climbing and keep rising so you can see the bigger picture of the beauty it’s creating, from the bottom up.

I know a lot of this sounds like so much mumbo jumbo to a lot of people, but this has been a big discovery for me. Frankly, I chose to stay offline for a few days because I knew that my perception of life was off, and I didn’t feel it was fair to spout my thoughts to the world if they clearly were off base. I knew I needed an attitude adjustment, and I needed it soon before my head got bigger than this statue in Scottsdale that shocked me the first time I saw it. That’s a huge head, and if I didn’t get things in perspective then that could have been me! Well, figuratively anyway. And you know that this is exactly what you think when you run across people that are saying "me, me, me" and "I, I, I" all the time, going on about themselves and their problems all the time. Well, now you have a visual for that. People that are all gloom and doom and so sucked into troubles that they can only see the worst in everything are already defeated by life. They might as well rent a digital billboard because everybody can see it, and nobody wants to get sucked into it. I certainly didn't want to fall into that trap.

I think I understand now that trials and troubles are likely more the norm than those quiet seasons. Evolution is a process that never ends, so something is always going to be worked on or worked out. If you put this in context with Lewis’ Law of Undulation from The Screwtape Letters (that life naturally cycles between highs and lows and every human being is at some point in the cycle their entire life), then you get a truer context on how life works. Change will always be there; resistance will always be there; there’s always going to be one more thing to work through; one more higher goal; one more higher standard to attain. As they say, it is always something. But the something that it is isn’t always what we think. The purpose is not to beat you down, or to break you, but to build you up and help you rise to see things more clearly; to see the beauty in what looks like the jumbled mess of life. There’s a method to the madness. We won’t know what it is until we leave this world, but through our experiences we get glimpses of that truth, and of how it all works together. If we put it in perspective, we can allow it to light our path and feed the hope of our faith, a day at a time.

You all know that I’m a big believer in the verse in Galatians 6:7 about reaping and sowing, but it goes on to explain that there’s a method even to that madness. Read two verses further and you’ll see that Paul uses this principle not to admonish people, but to encourage us to keep fighting the good fight when he says “and let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart.” (Galatians 6:9)

Yes, it’s always something. And that’s as it should be. If we persevere, if we take what we’ve learned and allow ourselves to grow, then it’s ascension to a new level. We’ll behold the beauty of what our life is meant to be. And the raging rivers of life don’t look quite so intimidating from up here if we are truly learning from each experience and rising to new levels. The problems of yesterday should be easier now that we’ve learned from them. They might come back every now and then, but they should get smaller as we progress, because we know how to handle them and aren’t intimidated by those old demons any more.

That doesn't mean that I'm okay with anything that happens, or that I have a "whatever" attitude toward life. I still have plenty of questions. I still wonder what good some things do, or if it really took quite that much to get me where I am, or where I need to be. I ask "why" more than is probably good for my faith or my mental well being. But I also realize that there are opportunities in every situation, no matter how small. I'm determined to persevere. I'm determined to rise above circumstance and the things that threaten to drag me down. I refuse to be defeated. Jesus died so we could have and enjoy life, and I'm claiming that promise for my life, every day, no matter what the circumstances. Because there is something to enjoy in each and every day, and we can claim it. It all starts with the small things. Never despise them. They build up to the big things, to the ascension that brings us to that higher ground above our trials and tribulations.

In closing, I’d like to say thank you, Lord, for a word in season. I needed it and hope sharing it here helps others to put their own trials into perspective. But about that lightening bolt. Okay, I got it pretty quick. Now let’s leave blowing stuff up to the sci-fi and fantasy books and movies, okay?

That’s all today. Thanks for hanging in there with me! Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a good weekend.

Bye!

What's In The Box?

7/1/2013

Today, I’d like to ponder on a popular saying and what it actually means. There’s a saying that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” It’s a great source of encouragement, but, like every other saying, the outcome of such situations is not a given. Trying times certainly do have the potential to make us stronger, but this isn’t automatic. Like all other things, the outcome depends on what you do with the circumstances you’re given.

We all face those times when it seems that life has us locked in a box. People are pretty sure we’re defeated and they’ve won – or lost – and that’s the be all and end all of the situation. I won’t deny that life’s trials do have an air of finality to them, but the good news is that it’s a false presumption. Things happen in our lives, people come and go, but until such time as the world ends, nothing is over. No matter how long things have been dormant, no matter how loudly that door slammed shut on you, there is always the potential for change. In fact, change is the one constant in the universe. We might not be comfortable with it, but it’s a truth that we can run but not hide from. Things that you thought were over can start back. Fights you thought were won can reignite. Things you thought had died can be resurrected. It is, in fact, a disturbing trend in life. We call it history repeating itself, but as a writer I choose to call it ironic plagiarism. Same story, different setting. And if we aren’t careful, we can make the same mistakes and keep falling into the same old traps, over and over, and put ourselves in a rut of stubborn refusal to accept that there’s something we need to rise to before it steals all hope from our lives.

There’s no excuse for this, folks. Yes, life has an annoying way of pinning us into corners. People have an aggravating habit of playing games and throwing around power and locking us into neat, tidy boxes tightly lidded with their own convenience. But, as it was so eloquently stated in The Avengers, as long as the sun continues to rise, we continue protect it. They were talking about the world, but in this case I believe it aptly applies to ourselves. Where there’s life, there’s hope. Unless you’re dead, you aren’t staying in that box. You will come out. The question is, what’s coming out of the box? Will it be something bigger and stronger, or weaker?

Herein lies the key. The times when we’re trapped are difficult and it’s easy to give in to anger, or to give up – but that’s exactly what the world wants. They know these things will weaken us and once that box opens, it will be something smaller and weaker that they can mold to their liking. I say don’t do that. Don’t just lie there, mourning or fuming over your trap. Grow, darn it! It might not feel like it, but the times when others are pretty sure that they have you locked up are golden opportunities to, as I like to say, become the bigger dragon. When they think you’re beat, they stop watching you. They get complacent. And that’s when you do the hard work to grow, to learn, to quietly become stronger and wiser, and to burst out of that box when the time is right for you to conquer. And then you will conquer, because they won’t understand how they could have created this creature that they don’t know how to fight anymore.

I know it’s not easy. I’m in one of those places right now, and it’s hard for me. I’m a fighter, so it’s difficult for me to zip it and quietly evolve so I can have the victory at the right time. And yet, it’s imperative that I exercise this patience and endure the pain of evolving into the bigger dragon if I want a victory that’s more lasting than the smoke and mirrors surrounding me. But I can do it. I know I can because with the Lord’s help, I’ve conquered before and I know I’m more than a conqueror still. These trials might look different, but they have a lot of sameness to me. Splinter was inspired by times like this, and if life keeps following such a predictable pace then I’ll never lack for inspiration while I walk this Earth, or faith to face whatever derivative of this mess life decides to recycle next.

Yes, there are a lot of people that think they have me defeated now – and they’re wrong. This isn’t over. Times of confusion and frustration are never the end; they're merely resistance to help you grow, if you handle it correctly. I will arise and be the bigger dragon, ready to take on what comes next and to seize the opportunities and blessings that will come of this mess. And as for the ones that trapped me here, well, I pray they open their eyes before those pesky little things they didn’t worry about grow into dragons of their own. Vengeance isn’t what they need to worry about. It’s the other little pests just like them that want to clear a path. Remember: snakes don’t just dine on smaller things, they eat one another too. And there’s always a bigger one out there looking for a feast to conquer.

As for the rest of us trying to do what’s right with pure motives, don’t just lie there. Become the bigger dragon. Evolve. Get ready. You’re gonna need it to break out of the box to get the blessings that comes out of this crap while the rest of the snakes battle for survival.

That’s all today. Take care and have a safe and happy 4th of July!

Bye!

Throwing Out the Shovel

6/26/2013

And here is one of those things on the "what good is THIS doing" list.

Some of you that follow me online know that for the past 3 years, I've had a recurring nightmare about walking through a graveyard that had no names on the tombstones. I hate that dream. You'd think it was the creepy factor that got me, but the truth is that it just pisses me off. I had it again night before last, and I finally get it.

My life has been nothing but change for the past 3 years. I feel like I've either been planting new things that I hope will grow, or burying the past. Good grief, so many bodies have hit the floor. For all the "remaking" in my life, a lot of the old has passed away, and I feel like I've spent way too much time either burying it or mourning it. And added to that is the fact that there's been a lot of quit in my life too - as in, people passing right on outta here. I've gained more than I can fathom, but I've lost a lot too. Balance means that when something comes, something goes. I bury the past and plant the present, hoping the future will lead to something fruitful.

Well, I'm done. I've planted plenty and I'm done mourning the past. It's over. It's time to get out of the dirt and live the sun. There will be no more mourning. There will be no more digging. As Jesus said, let the dead bury themselves. I'm alive and it's high time to stop struggling and start living.

I don't know why all of this change has come. I have no doubt that it serves a greater purpose and is laying a foundation for a bigger life, but it has been somewhat excessive. But I'm done thinking. I'm done planning. I'm done trying to figure it all out.

This annoying nightmare is over. It's on, folks. It's time to stop planting and burying and to start growing and living. And
that's what I'm going to do. Am I scared? Yes, absolutely. And I'm going to do it anyway. The dragon of fear has tried to beat me for three years and I haven't come this far to fail. I will become the dragon. I will become bigger than the fear trying to keep me in the dirt. Because being consumed by it just isn't an option.

That's why that nightmare pisses me off. It's because I've had enough. It's time to slay this beast and live in the sun.

And that's it.

Bye!

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