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Don't Accept Defeat

9/9/2014

 
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I’ll tell you another thing I’ve lost patience for: whining about “bad luck” and “tough breaks” when people are accepting defeat in other areas of life. I don’t think most people realize how they sabotage themselves on a larger scale when they accept something bad in life “because that’s the way it is.” It’s sad, because you don’t realize how those little things keep you in places you don’t want to be and, worse yet, prevent you from achieving victory in your life. It’s counter-productive, it’s lazy, and at it’s very root, it’s wrong, plain and simple. Really, how can you expect to achieve victory in the big matters if you refuse to conquer the pesky irritants that drag you down every day?

It confounds me how people refuse to correctly deal with toxic relationships, bad habits, and manageable health situations and then not understand why their life is a mess. Saying you don’t want to seek treatment or take medication for fear of “stigma” or addiction to pills to get through your day is actually telling the universe that you want to suffer and be sick. Refusing to kick an addiction or an unhealthy habit because “it’s not that big of a deal, and besides, so many other people are doing it,” is telling the universe that you don’t value your life and want to hasten your demise through a long, drawn out medical battle that will steal years you could be enjoying. Saying you don’t want to terminate a bad relationship because “they need me and maybe my good influence can save them” is telling the universe that you want to be mistreated and abused. Refusing to do the right thing or to take the time to do things the best you can “because I don’t have time for that” is painting a bullseye on you for the devil to take his best shot – and believe me, he always takes that challenge.

Stop fooling yourself into believing that you’ve being prudent, gracious, or forgiving – just tell the truth and say that you don’t want to fact the problem, so you’re making excuses and running. When you say “that’s just me,” you’re inviting defeat into every area of your life. When you say “oh, that’s just them. That’s just how Jack/Jane is,” then you’re cheating them and sentencing them to further defeat when in fact, standing up to them could very well save them. Accepting bad things is nothing more than an excuse to stay settled in a comfortable rut, and guaranteeing that the world will shovel the dirt over you when it’s ready to bury you. What you allow not only continues, but compounds.

I’ve heard a lot of people telling me that I expect too much out of life, myself, and other people. I’ve been told I’m too hard on myself and others. I’ve been railed as an idealist with no concept for the realities of life. I’ve been told my ideas are too post-modern. Do you know where every one of these people are? Exactly in the same place they were when they said those things five, ten, or fifteen years ago, which happens to be in my past, because I’ve moved on. They’re buried in their comfort and I’ve moved on multiple times in come cases because I’m not afraid to ask the hard questions, make the best of what I had, take advantage of opportunities, correct wrongs, set boundaries about what I will and won’t allow in my day to day life, and embrace change. They accepted excuses and remained. I didn’t, and built a bigger life. By all rights, I have no right to be where I am, according to these people. What separates me from them is the audacity to actually do what they said shouldn’t or couldn’t be done.

It’s time to chuck the excuses and accept this reality: you can’t win the war when you refuse to fight any battles. How are you going to run a company when you allow one person to run all over you? How are you going to get well if you don’t do what your doctor says to do? How can you enjoy your retirement  when you won’t work now? How can you write the novel, start the project, take on the hobby, or go on your mission when you crash out in front of the television every night because you’re “tired and not feeling it.” How do you plan to get the promotion, the nomination, the title, the respect, the award, or the friends if you’re angry, bitter, jealous, and walking around with a two-ton chip on your shoulder? If you don’t reap it, you can’t sow it. And you usually get back more than you invest, whether it’s seed or whirlwind. That can be encouraging or disturbing, depending on what you’re allowing in your life right now.

Folks, there’s no excuse for accepting less than the best in your life. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot and then scream because you’re hurt and bleeding. Goodness sake, how many times have I told you to read The Secret? And if you say “I don’t do that new age stuff,” then read Me and My Big Mouth, by Joyce Meyer. Same message surrounded by scripture, and written ten years earlier. We live in an age of information, and the secrets to making the best of life aren’t secrets anymore. Take advantage of this age of information  and use it to make a better life.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!


Paradigm Shifts

8/26/2013

 
On this, my 38th birthday, I find my self pondering the progress of the past year. I suppose this is a natural thing to do on a birthday. On first glance it could seem disappointing, as there are no "major" changes to report, but that's actually deceptive. There have been changes in the past year, but they've been more in the way of "shifts" instead of what could be clearly defined as "changed." I suppose this sounds somewhat elusive, so of course I'm going to explain.

The progress of the past year has actually been more in the way of building on things that have already been in motion. While it doesn't seem that much has changed - after all, life is progressing along very much the same today as it was a year ago - I can't say that I think about or feel the way that I did about life as I did one, two, or five years ago. In fact, as I ponder it, I notice that my paradigm has shifted quite a bit in the last 4 years. I suppose this is natural. My job changed and I finally broke into publication with my writing in 2010 - 2011, and while these things are "the norm" in my life right now, I see how incorporating those changes into my life has changed my view of life and the world. My basic morals haven't changed. That's not something that's likely to change. But the way you see the world around you and apply those morals can change, and I'm starting to see the evidence that it's happened. When you walk in faith long enough, you delve deeper into things, and that's certainly what's happened to me.

So how have I changed? For one, I'm seeing a whole new application of the concept of "reaping and sowing," as described in Galatians 6:7. You all know that this is one thing that my grandfather was a big believer in, and I took it to heart. But this verse applies to more than just relationships with other people and how you treat them - it also applies to progress and purpose in life. In fact, if you shift two more verses you'll read that "in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9) After several years of hard work to re-establish myself professionally in my current workplace and to get my writing established, I see the value of patience in all that we do. If life really is a series of ups and downs, reaping and sowing, then that has big implications for all of life. If we choose to only allow ourselves to be happy on the mountaintop, when we're reaping the rewards of our labors, then we're guaranteed to be miserable (or at least, withholding our own happiness) at least 50% of our life. Folks, that just isn't acceptable to me. That's not going to do it. Sure, there are some people that enjoy being miserable and whining and complaining to get attention, but that's not the way I choose.

I know from experience that there are blessings in every day because I've been through the major life changes when I looked back and realized that there were little blessings that I took for granted, and I was sorry for it. An example: before my writing was published, I used to do counted cross stitching and wrote short stories. Much to my surprise, I find that I have very little time for that now, between promoting my published works and creating new ones. I love my writing and pray daily that it will continue to grow and reach more people - in fact, I'm prayerfully striving to make a break into science fiction with Splinter this fall - but there are some days when I miss having the time to cross stitch, or to goof off on Writing.com with short story contests. I didn't realize how much time these things filled in my life until my writing grew to the point where I had to make decisions about what stayed and what went. I still stitch occasionally, but large projects are out now. And as for short stories, they take me longer to write, prepare, and complete than they once did. And ditto for the work move. I was glad to make it and still believe it was the best, but I didn't realize the little things I took for granted, like talking to a couple of my friends when things got slow, the great walking paths on the State House grounds, a covered parking spot or those outstanding subs for a great price on Tuesdays and Fridays. Yes, I've gained a lot through both changes. I wouldn't undo either of them or the world because I gained a lot more than I lost. But I did learn to not despise the small things, and to appreciate the small blessings that go with each day as well as the big things we work so hard to cultivate and grow in our lives.

Some people say this means to "enjoy the journey on the way to where you go," but I think there's a deeper meaning than that. A devotion I read recently said, "God doesn't want you to be happy. He wants you to do what's right." That really hit me and helped me to get a grasp on my own paradigm shift. I used to think that the point was about being happy, and I actually worried for a little while, wondering if I'd ever be happy like I was before. I see now that I won't, because happy is a side effect. The purpose of life is not to serve our feelings, but to do what we're supposed to be doing and work hard to do what's right for our purpose in life. If you are faithful in well doing and obedient to the spirit, there's a contentment to your life that nothing - situations, circumstances, or other people and their attitudes (because that really reflects on them more than anything else, but that's a pondering for another entry) - can affect. You can rest in knowing that you're doing all you can, and that allows you to enjoy the blessings of every day, large or small. And contentment is better than happiness. It's more stable, because you can still see the blessing in what you have even if a thousand aggravations are bleeding out of them. It's built on a firmer foundation that gives you the patience to hold out for the "bigger picture" even if you don't understand what the point is (as is often the case). It's built on a trust between you and the Lord and nobody else can put their hands on it. And that can give you the courage to do what's right, even in the face of ridicule, opposition, or doubt. Happiness is transient and comes and goes with circumstances. Contentment is faith in action.

No, the earth hasn't moved in the last year. Things look much the same today as they do every other day. But I know they aren't. I see how the work at the everyday levels is building to something new and better. I might not know what yet, but when it is revealed then I'll reap a reward in due season, and be glad I didn't lose heart.

That's all today. I hope you have a great week.

Bye!

Final Thoughts on Balance

2/9/2013

 
I'd like to close this blog series/musings on balance with a few closing with one important, final point. Our lives consist of many elements and the times when everything is in perfect order will be rare. As the old saying goes, "it's always something." One area will get worked out, and something will go out of whack in another area. It's not bum luck, or life being out to get you. It's just the nature of reality. As much as we strive to get things in order, we also must accept the contradiction that there will almost certainly be some level of chaos in life.

I know this seems to fly in the face of my musings over the past month, but it's a truth that must be faced. The good news is that if you do your best to set boundaries and do what's right, then you can handle the inevitable kinks in your well laid plans. Life is always going to throw new challenges at you, but you can meet them if you've gained self confidence through knowing yourself and your life well enough to seek the opportunity in challenges and find ways to incorporate those benefits into what you have.

It also takes acknowledging the very fact that life is a series of ebbs and flows. It's like a pendulum swinging - things will always go up and down, over and over - and you may be at one state in one area and a completely different state in another area. Take my life, for example. My family, home and health are rolling right along (thank God), but my job is absolutely insane right now. Current and coming staff changes have caused my workload to explode. But you know what? I've been here before, and I know I can make it through. The vacancies will be filled, new people will be trained, and this too shall pass. Plus, I'm fortunate to work with good people in a great place, and they help and support me as much as they can. Sure, it can be tough to face the day when you know it's an avalanche of chaos heading right for you, but I've faced times like this before and have learned that I can only do my best and it will have to be good enough because it's all I have to offer. I had to learn to be happy with that.

You also have to learn not to let the expectations of others bother you too much. Although it's not an issue now (as I said, I have good co-workers), I have been in situations where people thought I wasn't "doing enough" or "doing good enough" and felt they had to express their bitter disappointment in me - frequently and loudly. In fact, my last "challenging season" was full of people grouching at me for one reason or another. I had to learn to tell them to accept my best or buzz off. And of course, they came back to try again, but after being stonewalled with that response 2 or 3 times, they got frustrated enough to realize that I wasn't going to solve their problems and they'd just have to do it themselves. But I credit them for being some of the inspiration for Splinter so heh heh heh - be careful ticking off a writer, for you might inspire their muse.

Joking aside, it's an important point. One key factor in keeping balance is knowing how much you can do, and not trying to do it. Accept your best and mind your own business. Help where you can, but realize limits. Don't overstep your bounds. And for the love of God, accept reality. That's #1. Too many people spend great amounts of time and energy trying to force things to happen that shouldn't be, or forcing people to serve roles in their life that they aren't meant to serve. It's an exercise in frustration, but it's an exercise many people seem to enjoy. You have to step back, take a good, hard look at your life every now and then, and make adjustments. We all get out of order from time to time, especially when those mountains pop up before us. It's all too easy to let one or two things take over your life and mind. Don't permit that to happen. If you start to feel like something's taking a bigger place in your life than it should, find out how the encroachment happened and fix it. Sure, there are times when emergencies or whatnot require us to put our priorities or desires on the back burner, but they should be temporary. If it becomes a lifestyle, you've allowed something to get far out of balance and it needs to be corrected - quickly and efficiently. But be forewarned: when somebody or something creeps in the center of your life then be ready for a fight, because they aren't giving up that space lightly. But it's a fight that must be had, and won.

Balance is probably the most important factor in living a life that's happy, healthy, and productive. Frankly, you can't find success without it. And while it's a continual work in progress, it's work that's integral to living well and necessary to living right.

That's all today. Take care and have a good weekend.

Bye!

Holiday Survival Guide - Can't We All Just Get Along?

12/1/2011

 
No actually, we can't. But that's a common sentiment this time of year, so now is the perfect time for a lesson in reality. There are three reasons why we can't "just get along," at the holidays or any time.

Reason #1 is personality conflicts. Each and every one of us is a unique creation with a personality that's a complex mix of genetics, environmental influences, and collective experience. Modern science still doesn't have a clue as to how these factors mix to make us who we are, and it doesn't look like they will any time soon. What we do know, though, is that certain personality types just don't play well together, and there's not much you can do about it. We naturally clash with our polar opposites, and there's no way to you can see eye to eye with somebody who thinks and sees the world from a viewpoint that's so drastically different from our own that we can't fathom it. So if your spouse is the emotional polar opposite of one of your parents or siblings, expect frayed nerves. People can't see eye to eye on what they don't understand, and the best you can hope for is an agreement to disagree. Demanding harmony is like lighting a stick of dynamite and being surprised when it blows up.

Reason #2 is unrealistic expectations. Sometimes we expect people to do things they simply can't do - we want them to rise to levels they can't reach yet. Feelers won't become thinkers, fighters won't become diplomats, sci-fi fans won't turn to romantic comedies, and some people won't clean their house no matter what day it is. Can people change? Absolutely. Will they change? That's a personal choice. Should they change? That's an issue best left between them and the Lord, and it's wise to stay out of that territory.We could do ourselves a great favor to accept people for what they are right now - not what we want them to be, or hope they'll become "someday."

Reason #3 is that relationships aee copmlicated and sometimes things happen that create conflict that simply can't be repaired by the magic of the holiday season, It takes a long time to rebuild breeched trust, and that process isn't going to speed up because there's a date in red on the calendar this month. You must accept that we're all human beings and, by nature, are flawed. It's literally impossible for everybody to get along. Sometimes you have to decide which relationships matter the most and focus your attention on nurturing them, even if you must neglect others you'd like to make happy and even if you aren't asked to make the choice. It's not taking sides - it's good, old fashioned, common sense. Everybody in the world isn't going to love you. In fact, I can guarantee that at least 50% of the world will have a problem with you - more, if you insist on trying to make everybody happy. But at least if you're honest people will know exactly where they stand with you, and 100% of people appreciate honesty like that, even if they don't like you.

I know this is tough because we all want our holiday to look like a Norman Rockwell painging, but it would behoove us to remember that our expectation for a perfect holiday is art, and we live in reality. That doesn't change, no matter what time of year it is. You can accept people as they are and be happy with their best, or you can cling to unrealistic expectations and deal with inevitable frustration. Because when you fight reality, you never win. This world has been here far longer than any of us have, and trying to bend it to your will is an exercise in futility. You fare better if you accept reality and do your best with it.

The choice is yours.

From Sidekicks to Superheros - Contentment (Entry 8)

11/22/2011

 
I think we all understand that life is a journey. We are continually striving to become better than we are, and as such there will always be bigger goals to reach for and bigger dreams to attain. Every milestone we reach, every dream we achieve, every new discovery we make, will change us. Although the core of who we are remains constant, we should continue to grow and learn with each experience. Our roles and functions many change, but who we are deep in our soul won’t. This is why it’s so important to strive for authenticity and to find your true purpose. The only way to make the journey successfully is to know who you are deep inside, and to know where you’re going. 

We’ve often heard it said that Christ should be the foundation of your life, and this is true. Remember, though, what a foundation is for – we’re supposed to build on it! Each of us were created to live in this world for a reason, and our job is to build ourselves up to be the best we can be based on this solid foundation. We’re supposed to construct rising layers and to build up ourselves and our presence in the world. If Christ is the foundation, then I believe it stands to reason that being authentic and honestly knowing ourselves is the ground floor. Everything else builds up from here and depends on the support of the layers beneath it. Christ gives us our spiritual roots, and knowing ourselves helps us to serve the world in the best way possible. 

I truly believe that we can’t relate to other people and perform to the best of our ability if we don’t know ourselves. How can we? How can you get along with others if you don’t know yourself? How can you do your best when you don’t know where your talents and abilities lie? How can you form solid relationships with other people if you can’t be honest with yourself? How can you succeed when you can’t accept reality? You may be rooted in Christ, but you can still get stuck in horrible ruts if you don’t take the next step to knowing yourself and to find contentment in what God made you to be. 

So what is contentment? It’s accepting the reality of where you are and working to strive for better. Life certainly isn’t perfect, and sometimes it can take you to dark places. This is the ugly underside of reality in an imperfect world. Life is going to hurt from time to time, and we may be completely dissatisfied with where we are. I certainly understand. I mentioned that I went through major changes in my personal and work life in 2010 and believe me, that was a special kind of hell. For many months I literally had no peace no matter where I went because battles raged all around me. Change is tough. It was hard enough to face two major transitions, but add to that the fact that change makes people very nervous and irritable and you understand what I mean by facing battles on every front. 

How did I make it through? First, I believed in the promises that the Lord knows His plans for me and they are for good (Jeremiah 29:11) and that all things work together for good for those who love Christ and are called to His purpose (Romans 8:28). These promises, from the foundation of my faith, gave me the courage to stand up and take charge of my life. I claimed my life as my own and acknowledged that, although I couldn’t help the changes or control them, I certainly had a right to work them for the best. I sought advice from others I trusted, took advantage of every opportunity, and kept my eyes on the goal of coming through these transitions to building a life that was better than the one I had before. I wasn’t happy with my life, but I found contentment in knowing that the Lord was leading me through a transition that was taking me to a better life. I can honestly say that my life is better today than it was two years ago, and I’m grateful for that. It wasn’t easy – it fact, it was brutally painful in spirit– but I feel I’ve come out wiser and with knowledge and experience that will guide me through whatever comes next. 

I believe this story shows that contentment doesn’t mean that things are perfect. As I said, we live in an imperfect world, and if you reserve your happiness for that magic day when it all comes together then you won’t be happy a day in your life. Contentment means accepting reality. It means resting in the Lord. It means being true to yourself. It means doing the very best you can in everything you do. And I do believe that is the secret to joy. It’s not an elated happiness or a dopamine high, but rather a sense of peace in doing the best you can with what the Lord has given you.

I think we owe it to everybody: God, ourselves and the world, to be authentic. After all, we are all part of the Body of Christ. We do His work in the world now. Isn’t that a job worth offering your absolute best for?

    Escape Reality

    By day, I'm a program assistant. By night, I'm an independent author. My fiction offers an escape from the reality of day-to-day life. See how my experiences lead to creating new worlds! 

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