Blog Archives

Boomerang

12/29/2016

I've had a recurring dream over the past couple of weeks about my current workplace moving back to the office I worked in when I first started this job in 1999. Same coworkers I have now and the same duties, but back to the old office across town where I got started. It really puzzled me, until I realized something: many of my New Year's goals are reminicent to things I did back in those days.

For starters, let me say that I don't make New Year's Resolutions. There are too many negative connotations to that. Rather, I prefer to have good, honest goals about things I'd like to do or accomplish in the new year. It takes some of the pressure off, by acknowledging that things happen in progression, so the focus is on forward momentum instead of static goals. Frankly, things can take longer than you realize, leaving you to ponder if slower than anticipated progress qualifies as failure. Forget that - the journey is just as important as the destination. It's why we have an entire lifetime on this rock called Earth.

Hense, what I refer to as my boomerang dream. In reflecting on the progress I'd like to make in 2017, this dream caused me to realize that many things I plan on doing are, in fact, the same as things I've done in the past. The difference is that I'm coming to them with more life experience now, and hoping that they'll bring me new insights. For example:

1. One of the writing projects I'm working on is Joy on the Journey, which is my long-delayed follow up to Battleground Earth - Living by Faith in a Pagan World. Of course, getting Book 2 of The Earthside Trilogy published this summer is my primary goal, but Joy is a project that I hope to complete in 2018, meaning that I'll need to make some good progress on it next year. And frankly, I need to research how to market non-fiction in the new world of ebooks, because that's an area that will need attention before I query it in 2018. The big question is whether there's anything I can use from my fiction work to help in the non-fiction area. It's something I need to research and consider amongst my other writing goals in the new year.

2. I've felt drawn back to reading and studying the works of C.S. Lewis. It started with an Advent devotional I read based on Lewis' work, which I loved in my late 20's and early 30's. Frankly, I'm not sure why I got away from it in the first place - I guess I got bogged down in my own writing and studying the current markets to get an idea of where I am in this new landscape of ebooks. Well, I feel drawn to get Lewis' work on my Kindle to see what new insights I can glean from it with a decade or so of more life behind me. He and Tolkien inspired me so much as a beginning writer and young adult Christian, and I feel sure there's more I can take from their inspiration in middle age. We'll find out. I bought Lewis' Space Trilogy, and plan to read that once I finish the book I'm reading now. It seems fitting, especially since I'm now a Sci-fi writer myself.

3. Today, I lost 7 inches of hair, bringing me back to the style I had in my early to mid 30's. I have this duality thing going with my hair: I like how it looks best long, but I like how it handles bast shorter. After years of long hair, I got frustrated enough to decide that it's time to forsake vanity for practicality. Sometimes, you just have to let things go to embrace simplicity.

It's funny how life brings you back around, sometimes. It really isn't a straight road but rather, a winding path that often takes you back around to places and things you never thought you'd see again. Best not to burn your bridges, eh? That's especially true, especially since coming back around can bring you to new insights that you never would have expected. I'm hoping it's true for me in 2017.

That's all today. Take care, and have a safe and Happy New Year.

Bye!

What's "A Right Relationship?"

12/23/2016

You know a devotional is powerful when you're still thinking about it the next day. Yesterday, my devotion quoted one of my favorite writers, C.S. Lewis. The particular quote was from Mere Christianity and reads: "If you are right with Him (God) you will inevitably be right with all your fellow-creatures." I've read this before, of course, but this reminder years after my first reading made me wonder: what does that look like?

I think it's a valid question. In a perfect world, we'd all be in harmony because we'd all be right with God and, consequencly, right with each other. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. Conflicts and disagreements happen, so how do you know who erred? Often, the truth is that there's blame on both sides. It really can lead you through a revolving door of wondering whether you're right with God,and whether other people are right with God.

And you'll only know one end of that equation. Furthermore, we aren't always fully aware of what's best for us. Trials and challenges come. Do we deserve them? Do we need them to 'grow up?' Did we bring it on ourselves through some error in belief, thinking, or action? Or is it simply bad luck? If we're uncomfortably honest with ourselves, I think we'd realize that we don't always want or appreciate what's best for us. Think about it: during trials and challenges, how often do you say "well, this kick in the *** is good for me because I really need to grow up/learn a lesson/have been a jerk." I don't mean to be offensive, but I don't know anybody with that level of self awareness, at least in the midst of trials, problems, and conflicts. After the fact; sure. In the middle of the storm; not so much. It's more of a perspective thing than a humility thing. We usually don't see how we threw a wrench through a relationship/situation to destroy it until we're picking up the pieces and noticing the jagged edges have our fingerprints on them, too.

Then there's another issue: people are, by nature, self serving. As Christians, we know that all things work together for good for those who believe in Him, but we aren't gracious when what's best for others clashes with our comfort level. Simply stated, other people aren't always going to understand what's right for us, and people fear what they don't understand. The fact of the matter is that God talks to each of us individually, and His plan for others isn't your business. We only see what we experience on our end, and He isn't going to explain things to us that aren't our business. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop us from trying to make it our business.

So back to my question: what does a right relationship look like in the midst of our imperfections? I think I'm overthinking it. Perhaps it means to start with Him, do my best, and trust that He'll lead me to right interactions with others. It may not always be unicorns and rainbows, but if I'm walking by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, then I can trust that I'll be led on the right path and can have a clear conscious about my relationships and interactions with others. I can rest assured that I can handle conflict or disagreements, and if I make a mistake, I can take responsibility and trust in finding the right way.

I think it also means that a Christian has an obligation to be the best person they can be. Rick and I had an interesting conversation with some people last night about how challenging it can be to stay dedicated to bettering yourself in a world that values compromise and mediocrity. There isn't a lot of encouragement to be the best "you" that you can be, and it can be hard to find people who support that endeavor. Here, I think, is where the basis of "right relationship" starts. We are created to be our best. Are we obeying that commission? Are we true to it, or just drifting along the path of least resistance? If everything starts with a right relationship with God, then we have to acknowledge that we are His creation, and to dedicate ourselves to being the best creation we can be for Him and, consequencly, for others and this world.

This time of year, many people turn their mind to New Year's Resolutions. Self improvement is the purpose, but sadly, most resolutions fall flat because they're more of an act of will than of the heart. This year, I challenge you to take a different perspective. Instead of following the herd of typical resolutions, simply resolve to be the best "you" that you can be. Pray about it and ask what it means. As I mentioned in a previous entry, we spend so much time chasing things that we already have, when some realization and work could bring them to life a lot easier than seeking them elsewhere. Resolve to be your best, and see where that leads you now and into the future.

That's all today. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I wish you the joy and blessing of the risen Lord, today and always.

Merry Christmas!

You Will Make It (Through The Holidays)

12/21/2016

Feeling the pressure yet? I get it. It seems that Christmas came fast and is lasting long this year. Somehow, it seems it’s taken a bit more for the holidays this year. That’s especially true if you (like us) have been hit with this strange virus going around that drags you down for a couple of days – days which are, unfortunately, critical to keep going for Christmas. Everybody and everything is in your face with wants and needs, and by golly they aren’t going anywhere until they have what they want from you.

*Sigh*

I’m here today to offer you encouragement: you will make it. As sure as the sun rises, Christmas will come and go, and you’ll make it through. You do every year, and this year is no exception.

I know many of us are worn out, burned out, and feel frazzled down to our last bit of endurance. It seems like Christmas’ past were simpler, but then again that’s hard to tell because I grew up, and the world has changed a lot. I actually heard something last night where a psychiatrist said that the human brain hasn’t evolved with the changes in life and technology. In fact, he said evolution is so slow that we’re still operating with a hunter/gatherer brain in a tech world. Right now, I believe it!

Evolved or not, we will survive. Hang in there. It isn’t just you, and you’re far from alone. It just feels like that because we’re all caught up in our own personal whirlwind of chaos right now. The important thing to remember in these frantic last days of the holiday season is to slow down every now and then and make sure we’re taking care of ourselves. Christmas will come, whether it’s all done or not. The real issue is appreciating it’s true meaning – and all too often, we’re too busy to “get it” until after that magical day is over. Don’t wish your life away. Be where you’re at and find meaning here, now, today. If there's one thing we all need to take time out for, it's to fully absorb the true meaning of the season: Christ came for us.

That’s all today. I hope you have a safe, blessed, joyful, and very Merry Christmas! Christ be with you, now and always.

Love What You've Got

12/15/2016

When you have a blog and/or social media account, a holiday letter is redundant. Why review your year when everybody’s been looking at it on a regular basis? This year, I’m taking a different approach: I’m going to tell you what I’ve learned in 2016.

Last year’s journey into self exploration and improvement lead into further discoveries on how to make the best of what I’ve got. So often, we get bogged down in pursuing things, and we lose sight of the fact that we’re at where we’re at for a reason. The major question in my life in 2016 has been akin to what the angel asked Elijah when he fled from Jezabel after defeating the prophets of Baal: Why are you here?

The immediate answer seemed obvious: because I’ve worked hard to get here, and I want life to stay healthy, balanced, and happy. Happy doesn’t always mean riding an emotional high. Sometimes, it means simply enjoying life and the things that make up every day. Good enough, but this led me to dig deeper to figure out why the Lord has me at this place in life right now, and to specifically ponder if there are things I’m pursuing that I already have, but I’m not doing all I can to bring them into my everyday life.

I know that sounds elusive, so here’s an example: one thing that’s been on my heart was friends. As my life simplified and there were less things, I also noticed there were less people. I appreciated and blessed the simplicity, but was sad that it took me on a different path from many friends who went different ways. After more prayer and contemplation, I realized that there are still plenty of people around me right now, and my focus should be on improving my relationships with whose still here instead of praying for new people to come. My problem was me: I let the introvert win too often. If I really want to “connect” with people, then I have to break out of my shell every now and then, and quit closing myself off behind my laptop and Kindle all the time. I already had what I was praying for; I just wasn’t doing what I needed to do to bring it out. It didn’t take much, either: a conversation, a helping hand, a thoughtful gesture, a short visit, a social media post or card sent, and it’s made all the difference. All I had to do was show up and show interest every now and then. Last year, we weren’t invited to any holiday parties. This year, we’ve been to several and are having to turn down invitations. Small things do matter.

So often, we’re told that we need to focus on long term. That’s important, but it’s equally important that we don’t lose sight of what’s in front of us. I learned many years ago that life can change in an instant. Today’s blessings could be gone tomorrow, so it’s important to take a look around to make sure that the thing you’re striving for isn’t already there. Sometimes, we get in our own way and make things harder than they have to be. There’s no need for that. You have the life you’ve got for a reason. Are you making the best of what’s in front of you, or wishing away every blessing that lies at your feet right now?

That’s all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

The Great Cookie-Baking Revolt

12/7/2016

I call the second weekend of December “cookie weekend,” because that’s when social media posts start to look something like this: I refuse to shop this weekend! I’m staying home and baking cookies!

The second week of December is when the fuse burns low, and the patience is frayed beyond holly-jolly parameters. We’re a couple of weeks into the holiday buzz, and the pressure is at the tipping point. This is the peak of the holiday season, and frankly it’s too much. You’re tired, your stressed out, your schedule is overloaded, too many people are on you for too many things, you’ve had enough, and now it’s time to revolt. To hell with it all; I’m baking cookies. If you aren’t knocked out with a cold or the flu, that is. Then that’s a whole different thing, because your body beat your mind to the revolt against the holiday frenzy.

I believe this is normal. Think about it: what’s the one phrase you hear the most when you ask people how they are at any given time? You know, so say it with me:

“I’m busy.”

If that’s the case the other 51 weeks of the year, then it’s no wonder that Candy Land looks appealing right now, because life went from hectic to impossible. Most of the self-help gurus would remind you that you’re in control of your schedule and the cookie-baking revolt is a sign to take that control back (which is right), but I’ll venture in another direction and say that this too, is normal. That’s right, it’s normal to get frustrated with life this time of year. In fact, if you aren’t at your wits end right now, then I think you’re either lying, or completely out of touch with reality because the world really is out of control right now. There is absolutely too much going on out there right now, and you’re wise to pull the plug and take a break. Nobody can do it all, and nobody should try.

It happens to us all from time to time: we’re overloaded, there’s too much going on, there are too many problems, everybodys’ let you down, relationships aren’t at their best and the pressure to have a Normal Rockwell holiday when you don’t even want to see people is maddening. It amazes me that it’s the twenty first century, and we still have that idyllic Victorian image of how the holidays should be. We want it, we strive for it, and we forget that there are no dishwashers anywhere in those pictures, are there?

Simply stated, we’re out of touch with reality. It isn’t just you. It isn’t just me. It’s all of us, together, caught up in the whirlwind fantasy frenzy of what the holidays should be, instead of what they actually are. The bar keeps rising because we want every Christmas to be “the best holiday ever,” not realizing that we’re setting unattainable standards by raising that bar just a little more every year, and now it’s at a place where we can’t clear it. Now what? Can we be satisfied with lowering our expectations a bit for the sake of sanity? Can we be ok with an ok Christmas? Can our best be enough? It will have to be, because in the end, that’s all we have to offer.

And perhaps that’s the point of the second weekend cookie-baking revolt: to prove that you’re only human, and that your wants and needs are just as important as everybody elses’. We all need to know that we’re accepted and appreciated for who we are and not for what we do. We all need to feel that our best is good enough, and that others have the grace to pardon (or even fill in) what we can’t achieve. We all need a break to take care of ourselves every now and then, because if we burn out, then we won’t be good to anybody. So take that break, folks, and happy cookie baking this weekend.

That’s all today. Have a great end of the week,and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Sweethearts Don't Write SciFi

12/5/2016

,I had a dissociative moment one day last spring, when my mother showed me a picture of me with my grandparents on their 50th anniversary. It was a couple of months before my 7th birthday, during those carefree days of grammar school. I didn’t think about old friends, classroom issues, playground shenanagins, or piano lessons, though. All I could think was “how did that girl grow up into – me?”

Simply stated, life happened. My grandmother died five and a half years later, and Granddaddy passed a little less than two years after her. That was the first crack in my perfect, sheltered life, quickly followed by the bumps and bruises of the rest of reality. By high school, I came to the realization that this little sweetheart was going to have to toughen up if I didn’t want this world to eat me alive. I couldn’t go on like that in my naive little world, or I’d be a victim of life – and I didn’t want that. If I really wanted to have and enjoy life, then I was going to have to get used to the fact that there was a dark side to it, and learn how to deal with it.

I don’t blame anybody for this. My grandparents passing was the catalyst for me going from that sweetheart to the tougher cookie that I now am, but the truth is that it couldn’t have come out if it wasn’t already in me. I used to think that life was gentler with some people, but as time passed I realized that it rains crap on all of us at one time or another, and the difference is in how we choose to handle it. I didn’t want to live frozen in that moment by my grandmother’s grave when my idealistic view of life was shattered. There was too much ahead of me, and I wanted it to be the best – but having that best meant that I had to learn how to deal with the worst. Simply stated, I had to grow up. And given that we don’t talk about some things, I felt I had to figure it out on my own. Was that a correct assumption? Probably not, but that’s what I saw others doing, so it was a logical conclusion that I needed to learn this skill myself in my 12 year old mind.

I don’t think there’s any way I could have become what I envisioned myself being back then, because the world has changed too much and life isn't what I thought it was. I’d call myself lucky to have a good enough childhood that I was able to enjoy peace and joy during my childhood, because too many people have to grow up too fast by seeing the hurt of life too young. But you can’t escape reality forever, and I’m glad that I realized early on that I didn’t want to spend life hurting. I knew there was plenty of good beyond the bad because I had seen it. In time, I learned that life is both beautiful and ugly, and the secret to happiness is knowing how to deal with both.

I recently ran across 1 Corinthians 15:10 in my daily Bible reading, where Paul writes that “by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.” I noted in my Bible “this should be true for everybody.” No, I’m not what I thought I’d be, but then again sweethearts don’t write scifi. It seems that somewhere along the way, I learned how to make the ugly parts of life good for something. Sometimes, you have to get over yourself, be bold enough to claim your pain, and make it good for making a better life.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

How to be Generous

12/3/2016

Generosity is an issue that's been on my mind a lot lately. No doubt, it's because the charities are ramping up their efforts with the advent of the holiday season. But what does it really mean to be generous? Does dropping money in buckets or buying a gift for a child from the Angel Tree make you generous? What kind of giving really makes a difference? These musings have brought me to a couple of revelations that I believe can make the issue of how to be generous much easier.

First, I realized that a lot of the anxiety and depression we suffer is rooted in being too self-focused. People complain about people becoming increasingly selfish, and I don't think there's any doubt that the smiles and happy spirit you hear of in the old Christmas songs and movies are indeed a thing of the past. The world has gotten bigger and more complex - and frankly, there are just more people around than there used to be. All of this means that it's harder to keep your own life together, which means that altruism and branching out are relegated even further back. I don't say this as a "shame on you," but rather as a statement of fact, and that I understand why it's happening. Life is different in the twenty first century, and we're struggling to find a balance. Does that make us bad, selfish people? Absolutely not. It just means that too often, we see the charities out there ringing bells and soliciting us as one more thing competing for our attention in a loud world, and we're learning how to tune it out. Unfortunately, that means that we're withdrawing further into ourselves, which leads to anxiety, frustration over how to hold on to what we've got, and depression over what we don't have or can't control. Never mind making it better, which is another challenge altogether. For too many of us, today is enough.

The good news is that this isn't hard to overcome. My second revelation on this issue was that in a loud, complex world, that means that small things have the potential to make a bigger difference. For example, if your days are typically busy, then taking a few minutes to write a note or a card to a friend who posted on social media that they're feeling low will mean a lot to them. Not only can the sentiment and your words be a blessing and an inspiration, but they'll appreciate that you took time out of your schedule to act on your concern for them. Not only that, but the simple act of taking that time out can shift your perspective off your "to do" list and onto more important things, like taking a moment to strengthen a relationship.

In reality, it doesn't take much, and it shouldn't be limited to the holidays. Sure, it's ok to still donate to charity, and I encourage you to do so if you feel so compelled. But don't stop there. Look for little ways you can help others, from handing over your buggy at the grocery store, to cleaning out the coffee pot in the office, to turning in a misplaced phone while Christmas shopping, to inviting somebody you usually don't include in your Sunday after-church lunch group, to making a few extra cookies for friends next weekend (more on that next week).

Generosity really isn't hard, because small things can make a big difference. The challenge is to remember that in day to day life because in the end, we help ourselves the most when we take a minute to help others.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great weekend.

Bye!

When the Holidays Hurt

12/1/2016

I’m happy to see more online about helping and encouraging others who don’t find the holiday season so merry or bright. This is a time of year when the world is putting on the ritz, and it isn’t patient for those who are suffering loss, heartache, difficult circumstances, health issues, or grief. Believe me, I know. Rick and I both lost a grandmother in December. Both times, their funeral and burials were rushed to get it over with so everybody else could go on celebrating with the rest of the world. It was a difficult experience to deal with all of that joy when we had just experienced a loss that nullified any joy or celebrating, and put us at odds with the world around us. 29 years later and I'm still not fond of red poinsettias. Brains, emotions, and coping - go figure. You make the strangest connections.

It isn’t just death that can put a damper on the holidays. As I said above, there’s plenty that can go wrong in life, and reality never takes a break because it has no sense of timing or seasons. I’m grateful to see those old fashioned notions that “there are things we don’t talk about” fading, because stuffing in secret so everybody else can do their thing only serves to further isolate the ones who need help the most. We tend to forget that our actions affect others, and sometimes the consequences of them are bigger and more painful for more people than we realize. Pain is an isolating thing that gives people tunnel vision. Unfortunately, that only serves to collapse things into a bigger mess. It turns into self fulfilling prophesies. It’s kind of like the old thing about never saying things can’t get worse, because that’s a challenge the universe is all to glad to take on and prove you wrong.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the magic answer to make it go away. We all have different coping mechanisms, so my ways of coping won’t work for others. Heck, sometimes they don’t work for me, and I’m still searching for the answer on how to make life stop hurting when it sucks. I know you get sick of hearing to “take one day at a time,” but that’s really the only thing I’ve found that works. If you can make today suck less than yesterday, then eventually you’ll get to better days. No, it isn’t immediate, but healing and recovery takes time.

It’s ok if you don’t “feel it” for the holidays. It happens. When something comes around regularly, the law of averages means that they’ll suck every now and then. I’m just glad that there’s more awareness of that now, and people are slowly coming out of their shells to deal with it. Because in the end, bringing things out of darkness and into light is what will truly make a difference. Generosity isn’t always giving out goodies or volunteering. Sometimes, it’s simply the grace and patience to open your eyes and be sympathetic to others. Maybe you can’t save the world or make it go away, but one small gesture of acknowledgement and understanding can make a big difference to making today suck less for others.

That’s all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!