Dark Mirrors Blog - Escape Reality

This is Halloween

10/30/2014

So tomorrow is it – the witching hour, Halloween. I know people with a variety of stances on the issue. Some believe in the original Celtic origins, that the spirit world is closest to our own as the year draws to a close. I know some people who believe it’s demon worship and shun it as an abomination. I know others that embrace it as nothing more than a fun, festive way to celebrate fall. Whatever your opinion, it’s here. What will you do? Embrace it, or ignore it?

Personally, I take it as one fun holiday before the festivities of the holidays begin. Family and friends abound at Thanksgiving and Christmas, which usually keeps our hearts, homes, and schedules full for two months – and that’s alright. But Halloween is good because it’s a fun, low stress time unburdened by the stresses of “making the perfect holiday.” Halloween is a laid back time to enjoy and have fun. You can do as little or as much as you want, and it’s alright. Want to party? Have at it. Want a quiet night at home? That’s OK too. Want to have some fun during the work day and then retreat back to the privacy of your home at night? Why not? There’s no Norman Rockwell way of having this holiday. It’s dominated by cheesy horror films that are impossible to take seriously, just like the holiday itself. It’s all about fun. And that’s what makes it a good one.

We moved out of a neighborhood when we built our home seven years ago, so the trick-or-treating and other festivities have passed out of our lives. By and large, we usually let it pass. But this year it’s on a Friday, and I decided I wanted to have some fun with it, for a change. I am dressing up, albeit moderately, as a purple witch, and I have candy ready for the office. Once the work day is done, the day is over for me – it’s back home to our normal routine – but this is an opportunity to make the work day a celebration. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, especially when the powers that be give you permission to let loose a bit this one day of the year.

Frankly, I don't understand why some people find Halloween so offensive, especially for "religious reasons." I'm Christian too, but it seems hypocritical to shun Halloween and embrace Easter when, in fact, Easter has as many or more pagan origins than Halloween. And yes, Christmas has pagan symbols too. Turns out the early Christians thought the way to spread the faith was to incorporate things that already existed elsewhere to give people a "frame of reference" that they could understand.

My point: don't take it too seriously. This Halloween, I hope you take advantage of it being on a “casual Friday” and at least have a little fun with the day. After all, there will be plenty of chances for stuffy formalities over the next 60+ days.

That’s all today. I hope you have a Happy Halloween Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Are You Superstitious?

10/28/2014

If you know the origins of Halloween, then you know that the Festival of Samhaim is a celebration of the Celtic New Year. The druids believed that the spirit world is closest to our own as their year draws to a close and the days grow shorter. Of course, Halloween has become more of a fun, festive holiday in our times, but it raises an interesting question: are you superstitious?

By and large, I’m not. In fact, I didn’t even believe in ghosts until I seriously read The Bible and noted that yes, it acknowledges that not only do ghosts exists, but so do many matters of other things related to witchcraft, magic, and divination – we’re just told to stay away from that. It seems that there’s a lot more out there than we see or realize. It also seems that it doesn’t have to bother us if we don’t let it.

I can’t say I believe in zombies, vampires, werewolves, Yeti, or the Lock-Ness Monster, but I do now believe that there’s a lot more even around us than we realize. I also realize that it’s not bothering me. Maybe I’m not capable of sensing it. Maybe it leaves me alone because I don’t want to. Either way, it’s fine with me. I’m getting along fine without all that Spirit-world stuff, and the way I see it, I can stay on my side of the line as long as they stay on their side. It works out.

Still, I don’t believe this makes me superstitious. I can come up with a laundry list of reasonable explanations for all the things that go bump in the night (most of which are nocturnal critters outside being themselves), and frankly I don’t think a ghost could get through to me if they screamed in my face. The reason for this is the same as the reason why I refuse to have a bucket list: I’m too busy living and enjoying life to worry about death, dying, and whatever’s already passed on. Your side of the line, ogey-boogeys. You make for writing great fiction, but you can’t live here. In my reality, you’re relegated to fiction. This is my world. It belongs to me and everybody living right now. And I’m busy doing stuff. “The other side” is not my business right now.

That’s all today. Take care, and enjoy your week.

Bye!

Celebrating

10/24/2014

As you no doubt saw on the front page of the website, I published Obsidian last night. Publishing a book is equal parts exciting and exhausting. You’re happy to have it out there in the world (finally), but it takes a lot to get it there. Whether you go through a publisher or self publish (as I did this time for Obsidian), it’s revisions, proofreads, formatting, cover design, checks and rechecks – and then once it’s published you have to go “out there” to claim it various places, apply for the copyright, and get the word out that it’s available. Like I said, it’s exciting – and exhausting. We celebrated by ordering a pizza for delivery and collapsing to sleep until the alarm clock rudely woke me up for my “day job” this morning. I'm sure I'll be adequately rested to properly celebrate somehow this weekend.

It’s worth the work. I’m willing to do it and even enjoy the process of writing, publishing, and promoting my work. When you love books, you don’t mind doing what you’ve got to do to bring it to readers. You have to. Otherwise, it would burn you out in a hurry.

As it is, I am ready for a break of sorts. I’ll promote and continue to blog, of course, but I’m holding off on any more big writing projects until 2015. I need some time to keep what I’ve published moving during the busy holiday season, and frankly my poor muse needs a vacation. I was working him even while we were in Washington D.C., since part of Fracture takes place there and the ideas kept coming even on the ‘vacation’ portions of the trip. I’m wrapping up the writing year with a fun project titled “Halloween in Anipal Land” over at the Conure Corner blog for our Twitter pals. I plan to conclude that silly tale on Halloween, and then turn my muse loose for a vacation of his own and myself on promotion, editing, blogging, rest, and living my life as close to normal as possible. I know I’ll be ready to go on book 2 of The Earthside Trilogy once 2015 dawns.

That’s all today. I hope you have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Things That Help

10/20/2014

As you know, my New Year’s Resolution was to bring more positive energy into my life. So far, so good, although I admit that it’s a longer journey than I imagined, and it seems that this is one I will carry forward into 2015 and beyond. It hasn’t always been easy because I’ve certainly been tested on it, but isn’t that always the case when you try to bring in something good into your life? Satan just can’t leave it alone. Indeed, no good deed goes unpunished by that one. Still, it’s a worthy endeavor, and one I’m glad I’ve taken up.

One thing I have noticed is that a lot of the recommended reading material that I find dates back to the post-depression days. It seems there was a real push for the “power of positive thinking” back then, and it stalled out. The Master Key System, Think and Grow Rich, and How to Win Friends and Influence People (to name a few) are titles that are still heralded as relevant in modern times, even though they were written in the early days of the 20th century. World War II dampened that drive, I suppose, and it’s a shame because if it continued to build then imagine how much better off we as individuals and a society would be! Certainly, the inspirational community has taken up the cause in the 21st century, as you can see it all over the inspirational networks and radio stations. It’s just a shame that it’s movement in secular culture was squashed, because people everywhere need this. As it stands, The Secret (and the books in that series) are all I really see that hit “big” outside the inspirational community in modern times. That’s a shame because it really works. It takes effort. Of course, the hardest thing in the world to change is how you think, but it can be done, and it’s well worth it. As I’ve said so often, if you want to change the world, you have to start on the inside – your inside – and then a new perspective and way of thinking will lead to greater things on a bigger scale. It starts small and grows, like all other things.

I know one place it’s really needed is in personal relationships. I’ve had at least three people come to me in recent weeks saying that they’ve been disappointed or betrayed by people that they thought they could count on. In every case, it was to win “cool points” with popular people or to get attention to boost their own popularity. I believe we can all relate to how awful it feels when you’ve been loyal to somebody, and they stab you in the back over a fleeting relationship or opportunity. My reply to this is simply a quote: “in the game of thrones, you win or you die” (guess where that one’s from). When people play the favoritism/popularity game, the only way to win is to stay out of the game because eventually, everybody loses. People that play this game are excessively selfish and don’t really care about people – only what they can get out of them. Being close to them only means they’ll kill you last, as the raccoon joke that went around social media a while back said. Hard as it is not to dwell on it or strike back, it’s best to let their own nature do the job for you. Truth is always shown. That’s why I’ve told all of these people that patience is more dangerous than revenge. The hurt these betrayers cause themselves will burn hotter than any fire others breathe on them. In the meantime, get your own life in balance. And if you find yourself around people engaged in these fatalistic games, do all you can to distance yourself. If you can get away, end it. If not, do what you must to the best of your ability, minimize your contact with them, and be on your way. Don’t be forced to chose a side, because win or die is a lose-lose situation. It’s better to walk alone than to be poisoned by toxic company. And if you’ve been a victim of this, I pray you are blessed with true, loyal relationships and all the blessings the Lord can bestow. Remember, if He lets something pass, then He will give you something better when the time is right. Stay tuned. Better days will come.

Another thing people seem to be struggling with are sinus and allergy problems. Did you know that fall can be just as bad as spring for this? It’s the weed pollen that gets people. Here’s my practical tip for you: Vicks Vapor Rub. Seriously, it’s helped me tremendously this fall. Put it on your throat and it works wonders, especially before bedtime. It might not be the best smelling thing in the world, but it’s more natural and better than nasal sprays. Saline irrigation and drinking lots of water helps with sinus drainage, too.

And here’s one more tip for you: if you have trouble with the skin on your hands getting dry and flaky in the changing weather, try Dead Sea Salt scrubs. Wash your hands with them at night, and it’s better than lotions. It leaves them a little “slimy,” but it’s not too bad and if you do it before bedtime then the moisture absorbs in your skin by morning. I got this tip when I was in Arizona and it really works. Then again, folks living in the desert where the humidity is 2% on a bad day would know about combating dry skin. So see, I do give you practical tips in this blog. Come back and I may tell you more secrets on keeping a house clean, scheduling, and best bird care.

That’s all today. I hope you’re enjoying the nice fall weather and taking advantage of these beautiful days. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

The More Things Change ...

10/16/2014

There’s something about fall that makes me nostalgic. I’m not sure what it is, but as summer turns to fall, I find myself in spells where I recall my childhood (especially elementary school) often. I think it’s because this is an exciting time of year for kids. The State Fair is in town, followed by Halloween and then the holiday season. When you’re a kid, the excitement starts to build in October and keeps on going straight through Christmas. It’s magical.

It’s a busy time of year as an adult, but I have to admit that it’s still exciting. It actually started for me three weeks ago, when I had my business trip that successfully combined into a vacation in Washington D.D. My final “big” meetings of the year are usually in mid-October (they were this week), which usually gives way to more routine administrative work through the rest of the year. The final quarter of the year is also huge for book releases and sales – it’s when I usually make the most in royalties, so the writing life is exciting too. This year is no exception. It started on October 1 with the release of Night Life Paranormal Stories and continue as I release Obsidian (I’m aiming for a Halloween release date) and the Short and Happy (or Not) – An International Anthology of Stories on November 1. Then I volunteer for our church Share Our Stuff (SOS) event on November 8, there’s the Christmas Craft show in mid-November, and off through the holidays. Plus, fall weather is the best around here, and it’s college football season.

It looks like fall is just as exciting for adults as it is for kids, albeit for different reasons. And that’s interesting, because maybe things don’t change as much as we think they do after all. Yes, you have that whole being responsible thing going on, and it is different when you go from experiencing the magic to making it happen, but even that can be more fun when there are good things going on. It’s something interesting to think about.

That’s all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Wacky Weekend?

10/13/2014

I can tell the spirit world is drawing closer to ours as the Celtic year ends. Perhaps it was the full moon last week. Maybe it was excitement over the State Fair being in town, or perhaps some people overindulged in Oktoberfest. Whatever it was, people were acting wild, wacky, and completely out of control this past weekend, and yesterday especially. I heard of public displays of people behaving badly, tales of people hurt for acting recklessly and completely out of character, and witnessed drivers with their minds and attentions on everything BUT the road. Friday was a banner day for the auto insurance agents here – I saw wrecks and cars pulled over everywhere I went. Online interactions were the worst yesterday. I saw porn posted to my Facebook writer’s groups and explicit videos of animal’s being killed from vegans on Twitter. Really, people, logic. If you can’t stand to eat meat because of how it’s prepared, then why do you delight in watching and sharing videos of that cruelty? It seems the tummy is sensitive, but the heart and spirit aren’t. Now, as the song goes, isn’t that ironic?

I’m not even going to give a “shame on you” to all of this, because you all know better. I’m just glad I’m not any of these people and all of this wild behavior has sowed some nasty stuff that will return. Forget “shame on you.” I’m staying the hell AWAY from you because I don’t want to be near that blast radius when it comes back your way. Patience is better (and often more dangerous than) revenge. And I am patient. I’ve spent over 13 years building myself as an independent author so yes, I am perceptive of the “big picture” and know how to take the “long view.”

Perspective, people. The world is a big place. Why make it harder by creating unnecessary drama? That’s just a waste. We have terrorist beheading children and you’re going to send videos of animals being killed because your mad that my friends and I eat meat? Protein is good for the brain. Get a burger and get on with life! Geeze, you can even have fries with that. Why are you worried about personal life choices? If you want to start a revolution, then do it in a positive way. Often, negative things win because that’s where the energy is sent. Instead of being against stuff, why aren’t you for stuff. If you believe in being vegan, you’ll sell me more on pictures of plants growing and all the benefits they do for my body than showing innocent animals being graphically slaughtered. That’s cruel and pisses me off. And I blocked and reported that person, too.

I’d like to say folks, please sober up, sane up, and get a grip, but people are gonna be people and will do what they darn well please. So instead, I’m offline for a few days. I’m going to work on getting Obsidian ready for the final proofreads and publication. I will keep up with my editing on Readwave. I have two meetings this week. I will clean up the house. I will watch my TV shows and get my car recall taken care of and overall have a life offline. And then, maybe, I’ll take a peek to see if the devil’s done, or if I still need to duck and cover for a while longer. I pray something stays this madness while I’m away, and that cooler heads are prevailing later in the week. It’s pretty bad when writing, work, car maintenance, and housecleaning are preferable to reading the garbage prevailing on social media – but then again, it’s comforting that I have a full enough life that I can switch it off when it gets nastier than all the things that can go wrong with cremations and burials. With pictures.

That’s all today. Take care, and I’ll see you later in the week.

Bye!

Show Me How to Live

10/10/2014

I saw this image on Facebook earlier this week, and I must admit that some surprised me and some didn't. It's so easy to get sidetracked and not realize what really matters until it's too late. I for one have had quite enough of death, but there are lessons in it on how to live, and it behooves us to take them to heart so we can make living better. In today's entry, I'd like to briefly ponder on each of the regrets above.

1. "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." This one surprised me, and especially that it's #1. I thought, seriously? I can't believe this is a problem for anybody over 30. And yet, when you take a look around, you see that cliques live long past high school, and plenty of people are in bondage to what others think of them. I've written plenty on the subject, and there are countless other things out there on finding the courage to be yourself. It just makes me sad that there are people that go through their entire life without realizing how sacred their uniqueness and authenticity are - until it's too late to do anything about it.

2. "I wish I hadn't worked so hard." I think this has less to do with being workaholics and more to do with a combination of caving into pressure to keep rising and pushing ahead, and a lack of life balance. Life is so full, and the advent of technology has filled it even more with instant everything. It's becoming harder to "turn off" and realize that we need time to play as much as we need time to work. That's not to say that work is for stupid people (as some obviously do believe on the other end of he spectrum), but rather that this regret seems to becon to a need for finding balance in stressful, complicated, over-filled lives.

3. "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings." This one surprised me because it's not a problem that anybody I know has. In fact, it seems to me that it's exactly the opposite - people are too much in bondage to their feelings and are held hostage by them. I think that here too is a reflection for a need to find balance. Whether we realize it or not, emotions are learned responses. Our brain makes quick connections and assumptions based on prior experience and off it goes into the land of feelings. It seems to me that a better way to handle this regret is through a rephrase of having the courage to understand your feelings so you can handle and express them in ways that build relationships.

4. "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends." Do you think Generation X and beyond will have this regret, or does social media help with this? Maybe to an extent, but still there's no substitute for face-to-face interaction, and all too often we allow ourselves to get busy with what's in our immediate realm and not making the time for our friends. Again, it's a problem of finding balance. Until we realize that relationships are the most important factor of our earthly living and set our priorities to match that, this will continue to be a regret.

5. "I wish that I had let myself be happier." Yea, this is a widespread problem. Like they say in The Secret, we as a society have become too focused on complaining about what we don't want and not on appreciating our blessings and calling forth what we do want. We need to quit putting conditions on our happiness and learn to be content with such things as we have. Then we're open to receiving more. After all, why should God give you more when you spend all of your time and energy griping about what you already have?

It seems that a common element in all of these regrets is finding balance in life and living true to your priorities. I think what it all boils down to is something I heard a priest say on the EWTN Daily Mass while I was on the exercise bicycle tonight: when it comes to living for Christ, you're either on the way, or in the way. Why? Because the Holy Spirit unites through inspiration and guidance (putting you on the way), while the devil divides through confusion and strife (putting you in your own way).

It's something to think about. Don't you want to make your life the best it can be? Then be an opportunist. Forget regret and find joy. Be yourself. Build relationships. Find balance. Choose to be happy right now, no matter what.

That's all today. Have a happy Friday and a great weekend.

Bye!

Wake Up Call

10/5/2014

Maybe it was Ollie dying.

Maybe it was Dad retiring earlier this year.

I know it the final stages of dementia and the death of Rick's father.

And the effects of so many other things over the past couple of years coming together in the perfect snowball of these three things to hit me: retirements, resignations, illness, recover, publication, new hires, new faces, new people, the old passing away and the new coming.

These last eight months have been a wake up call. And wake up calls, while necessary, are rarely pleasant. You think you're safe. You think everything is alright. Then one day, without warning, here comes the call, the email, the announcement, that turns your world upside down. Or is it really without warning? Were the signs there all along and you were too busy going along your business (or rather, being so glad that the struggles of others are theirs and not yours that you forget things like compassion and empathy until your world is turned upside down) to notice what was coming. The one thing that's really struck me in the months since Rick's father passed away is how people get consumed with the insignificant and sweep what really matters under the rug or out of the way until it's too late to appreciate; too late to apologize; too l ate to repair; too late to get it back. We think we're safe; and we're wrong. Every last one of us.

Rick was talking to me about what a strange place it is to lose a parent. He told me to enjoy the time I have with my own parents because there is such a thing as time running out, and it always happens sooner than you think; whether you realize it's coming (like he did) or not (like with my grandparents, who died suddenly and unexpectedly). The rest of forever comes one day, and it can be weird.

I told him that I can only relate to him on the final points, because the effect his father's illness and death had on me was a major wake up call. I saw it when Dad had his stroke 12 years ago - we're lucky he completely recovered, and I never forgot the lesson but did forget the intensity. And the lessons don't always come from illness or death. I had it 4 years ago when my job was moved with much bigger consequences (and many surprises) that I never saw coming. I've seen it when change swept through from retirements, resignations, terms starting, terms ending, opportunities taken, run their course, ended, and refused, moves away, moves back, moves in, illness and recovery, trial and tragedy. Death isn't the only thing that takes things away. Change, even good change, always means laying aside the old to take up the new, and not everything or everybody can go with you. Sometimes you see it coming. Sometimes you don't. Always, it takes more than expected and always, it returns more than expected. You just have to work through the grief of loss before you embrace the blessing of what it.

I feel like I've seen a little bit of everything that life's had to offer over the past five years. I've wrestled with life and death. I've dealt with transition and change. I've seen peaks and valleys. I've watched the tide rise and fall more times than I can count. That I'm not only still standing but have managed to thrive and continue to grow in spite of it all is amazing. Perhaps it's a testimony to maturity. Maybe I finally get it. Or maybe I'm just sick of going around the same old mountains all the time and I'm ready for a new view. I remember somebody telling me before my work move "you know, they aren't perfect either. You'll have problems over there." My reply was "I know that, but at least they'll be new problems, and not the same old ones I've been wrestling with for over a decade." You get tired of the same old fights. Eventually, you're ready to move on, knowing there will be new challenges but for goodness sake, at least you can leave the old behind you where it belongs and perhaps find new blessings to fill where the old ones have run their course.

Yes, I have felt a bit alien lately, and it's no wonder. It's a lot to take in. It takes some time to realize that the trials and tragedies of yesterday should lead not to paranoia but to a greater appreciation for today and what is to come. The world keeps turning, so you're best off going with it, one day at a time. Pray, do what you can, and let the world flow. And as I realize that releasing the worries of times or seasons is the best way for me to go, I realize something else: I'm starting to feel more human now than I have in a long time. Thanks be to God.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

How Do You NOT Write?

10/3/2014

People often ask me what it’s like to write, and how I do it. Honestly, I wonder what it’s like not to write. Creating and writing stories is something I’ve always done. I remember my parents and brother being puzzled at why I drew in my picture books until I learned to write, and then they learned that I was adding onto and even creating my own stories based on the books. Storytelling and writing is something I’ve always done. I can’t imagine not doing it.

Really, what it is like to not wake up in the middle of the night with story ideas or plotlines? What’s it like to go home from work and not look at another computer until you go back to work tomorrow, or when the weekend is over? What’s it like to be able to look at something with commas missing or improper grammar and not feel like screaming? What’s it like to have life without word counts, brainstorming, plotlines, and characters?

Somebody asked me last week what it was like to be a writer. I told her “you know what they said in the last session about having your mind spinning when too much is happening at once? It’s like having that happening in your head all of the time.” They couldn’t imagine how a person can live with that. I can’t imagine living without it. Even on the rare occasions that I take breaks or a brief hiatus, I usually find myself antsy and at loose ends, missing my writing and feeling like I’m drifting without purpose. And this usually happens within the first few days.

I suppose we all have our “things” that we deal with, and this is mine. I’m a writer. I like stories. I like creating them, writing them, publishing them, reading them, and now editing them. Books and stories are the foundation of who I am. And in truth, you probably have something like that in you too. I believe we all do have that one thing that we just can’t fathom a life without.

That’s all today. Have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Challenge Accepted (Another Fracture Excerpt)

10/1/2014

Some of you may know that I've been plagued by a nightmare about walking through a graveyard at sunset. It started about 4 years ago when I was writing Splinter, and I kept having it until Splinter was published last November. I thought it had something to do with writing that novel - what, I'm not sure. All I knew was that I found the dream disturbing, annoying, and was glad it was gone. Well, until last week. I had it again just before leaving for D.C.

"I'm sick of this dream," I told Rick last week while we were sitting in a resturant in Reston Town Center, just before my conference started. "You know what? I'm going to write it as a scene in Fracture. If it's going to plague me, I'll make it good for something!"

"You do that," he said. "In fact, I dare you to do it."

Challenge accepted. So here you have it. I proudly present you with another excerpt from Fracture. So BOOM! Take that, subconscious mind. After 4 years, I'm firing back.

And without further ado, here you have it. Kalea might be coming apart, but I assure you that I am not. Not today, anyway.

Chapter 27

“You’re holding up remarkably well.”

“Hmm?” Annaliese mumbled, turning her gaze to Kieran across the back seat of the limousine driving them to the airport.

He reached across the seat and took her hand. “I said you’re doing good, considering all that’s happened in the past week. I was such a mess when my father died a couple of years ago. Going back to Capitol Hill a week after the funeral seemed unfathomable. I’m amazed you’re ready to head back to D.C. three days after the funeral.”

She turned her gaze back to the passing landscape. “What more can be done here? We had the funeral. He’s buried. Mom has the paperwork in progress for insurance and social security and the complaint with the funeral board over the cremation. It’s pointless to stay.”

“It’s pointless to stay, or you’ve had enough and want to heal on your own now?”

Annaliese sighed. “Probably both.”

“It’s natural,” he said, letting go of her hand to tap at his phone. “The jet is ready to leave as soon as we get there. We’ll be back in D.C. before you know it.”

“Good.”

Kieran laid his phone in his lap and studied Annaliese. “You know who’s surprised me this week? Kalea. Has she seemed remarkably detached to you?”

“I don’t know. I think that’s just the way she is. Things happen and she shuts off emotion and goes right into functional mode.” She paused. “It must be the engineer in her, or maybe she got it from Uncle Gerald. He was stoic through this whole mess too.”

“I suppose that’s not all bad. They were remarkably helpful in getting things settled. I can’t believe all the loose ends we got tied up in just a few days.”

“They diffused a lot of emotional tension and kept us on track,” Annaliese said, still staring at the passing landscape. “But then again, she’s been there through it all. She’s had to stand in for a lot these past few months especially. I’m sure it’s a relief to her that this is over.”

Kieran’s brow creased. “I don’t know about that. She wouldn’t have been there for your parents if she didn’t care. She had plenty of reason to pull away with the company and yet she still made time for them. She kept in good contact with you and Brandon. She never complained and she kept her cool.”

“And she’s standing in the church cemetery.”

“What?”

“What’s she doing out there? It’s going to be dark soon.” Annaliese turned to the driver. “Stop. Pull off here.”

“Ma’am, your flight is waiting,” the driver said.

“It’s not like they’ll leave without us. Stop. She hates cemeteries and is standing in one at sunset. Something’s wrong.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the driver said, turning into the large cemetery off the highway.

“Over there,” she said, leaning over the seat and pointing to a plot near the middle. “See, that’s her. She’s standing,” Annaliese paused and gulped, “at Dad’s plot.”

“Baby, don’t get out here. Let me talk to her,” Kieran said.

“No, I want to,” Annaliese said, pushing open the door as it rolled to a stop a few feet behind Kalea, who stood perfectly still, staring at the ground. “Stay here. We won’t be long. Henry, can you drive her home after you drop her off?”

“It would be my pleasure, ma’am,” the driver said.

“Annaliese,” Kieran said, grabbing her hand before she jumped out of the limousine, “are you sure about this? She’s standing at your father’s burial site.”

Annaliese paled. She looked at Kalea and took a deep breath. “Consider this acting in a professional capacity. Look at her, Kieran. You know her too. Does she look alright?”

Kieran stared past Annaliese. “No.”

Annaliese nodded. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right back,” she said, jumping out of the car before Kieran or the driver could voice any more concerns. She gulped past the lump in her throat, took another deep breath, and walked toward her cousin.

“Kalea.”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing out here?”

“I can’t see the names,” Kalea said.

Annaliese stood beside Kalea, staring at the freshly dug plot where her father’s ashes were buried. “Of course you can’t. The sun is setting. There’s not much light from behind those trees.”

“You can’t see the names either?”

Annaliese squinted. “Not well.” She paused. “Kalea, you hate cemeteries. What are you doing out here?” She looked around the deserted field. “How did you get here. Where’s you car?”

“I don’t know.”

Annaliese studied Kalea. “You don’t know how you got here, or you don’t know where you parked?”

“My car is at home.”

“Did somebody bring you out here?”

Kalea shrugged. “I guess.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know.”

Annaliese looked around. “It’s almost dark. We aren’t supposed to be out here after dark. We need to go.”

“Then go.”

“Kalea, what’s going on with you?” Annaliese asked, reaching for Kalea’s shoulder. A shock ran up her arm, jolting her. Annaliese yelped as Kalea slowly raised her head. Her eyes seemed to glow in the fading light.

“I couldn’t save him.”

Annaliese stared at Kalea. She blinked several times to clear her vision. The glitter she thought she saw in Kalea’s eyes was gone. It must have been a trick of the setting sun. She shook her head. “Nobody could. I’m sorry. I know you went through a lot with Dad. Brandon and I can never thank you enough or repay you for being there in our place so many times, and for all you did. You stood by him to the very end.”

“He died twice.”

Annaliese nodded. “I know. We thought he healed, and in the end we wound out watching him fade away twice.”

“No, he died twice.”

Annaliese shook her head again. “That’s impossible. He healed the first time. He never died.”

Kalea turned her attention back to the ground. “Are you sure about that?”

Annaliese followed Kalea’s gaze back to the freshly turned earth. “I’m not sure about anything any more.” She sniffed as her eyes filled with tears. Kalea looked around the cemetery.

“We failed him. Maybe we failed all of these people.”

Annaliese looked up as lights twinkled on the horizon. “We did all we could. People die. There’s no avoiding it. Eventually, it gets to a point where they can’t be saved. I guess that’s what happened to Dad.”

“They always die,” Kalea said softly.

“And we must move on. There’s no choice. Life goes on and we have to go with it.” She swiped the tears away from her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse.

Kalea turned to Annaliese. “This isn’t what he wanted. This isn’t what any of them wanted.”

Annaliese swallowed past the lump in her throat again. “Of course not.”

“But it’s the way it has to be.”

Annaliese stared in Kalea’s vacant eyes again, where a slight glow seemed to reemerge. “In the end, it is. I suppose you’re right.” She looked away. “At least it’s over.”

“No, it’s just begun.”

Annaliese forced a smile. “I meant for him it’s over. He isn’t suffering or struggling anymore. But I guess you’re right there again. For us, the process of grief is just starting.”

“It has begun.”

“Yes, it has,” Annaliese said. She turned to Kalea again, surprised to see tears streaming down her cheeks. “Kalea,” she said, reaching out hesitantly, fearing another shock. Kalea collapsed in Annaliese arms. Annaliese stiffened for a moment and then relaxed when another shock didn’t come, returning the hug.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way,” Kalea sobbed.

“I am too,” Annaliese said, patting her cousin’s back as the overhead lamps flickered on as twilight descended. She didn’t understand what was happening. But then again, who understands grief? She smiled as she hugged Kalea, thinking there was a normal human being in her cousin after all.

Maybe.