Blog Archives

Mischief

6/28/2014

As many of you already know, my mission for 2014 has been to reduce negative energy in my life, and try to focus on more positive, uplifting results. Sometimes, though, this leads to some unintended mischief. My personality type probably doesn't help. I am a writer, after all, so I love reading and writing books, and I don't mind integrating my fantasy into reality every now and then.

I had an incident a couple of weeks ago. It's not unusual for me to post things online related to issues I'm writing about and researching. I ran across a list of sigils on Pintrest and thought hey, this is a neat collection, and I'm using one of them in Obsidian. Other writers might like it, so I shared it on Facebook.

Big mistake. Oh, the writers and Supernatural fans got it. They thought it was awesome, but it completely and 100% freaked everybody else out. At first I thought OMG, they're scared of symbols, isn't that cute? Then it disturbed me because I realized that people really were taking things way too seriously. I thought they knew I was a writer. I thought they knew a bit of weird is normal out of me. I thought they knew how to make the distinction between fiction and reality better. I thought they knew me better than that. But most of all, I didn't realize that they scared that easy.

Well, the good news is that my next writing project is sci-fi. No supernatural there. Now, it's gonna be a lot of neurology and technology. I hope brains and big words don't scare them like symbols do. And by the way, when I shared this incident on Twitter, they thought it was hilarious that Facebook freaked over it. I saw pretty quick where I belong online (and am happy I've made appropriate adjustments!).

Still, it's out there now, Oh well. I'm gonna have so much fun at Halloween. Maybe I'll be a demon hunting alien. That sounds like fun. Or maybe by then, you'll realize it's all for the sake of art. You can't fear the darkness, especially in worlds and characters you create. You go where it takes you, and you enjoy the ride. My crazy is all on the table, both here and on Amazon, and I put it out there so you can join in - if you aren't too scared ;)

That's all today. Take care, and have a great weekend.

Bye!

Leaving Facebook

6/26/2014

It's true. I deactivated my Facebook account today. I've been thinking about it for a while now because there have been issues with lurkers, but somebody impersonated me yesterday and that was the last straw. I'm not getting anything but aggravation out of Facebook, and it was past time to pull the plug. Turns out Rick was right. There's no merit in that site.

If somebody wants to impersonate me, then they need to get over here and do the work that goes along with being me. They can start with paying the bills, cleaning the house, and going to work for me :) I bet that would cure them of envy real quick.

Seriously, you know how I am. I'm proud of being different, and the fact that my authenticity has been made a liability means it's time to disconnect the drama. So no more. If people were relying on getting information about me and Rick through Facebook, they'll have to resort to the old fashioned method: they'll have to talk to us. As for the others, they know where else to find me online if they wish. I get more responses and activity out of Twitter and Goodreads than I ever got out of Facebook anyway.

Not everybody on Facebook was bad, and I am sorry that the good have to suffer as well - but truthfully, I've talked personally to many of those people, so this should come as no surprise to them. They know the issues I've had, and said they understood my reasons for backing away. That I decided to leave altogether probably doesn't surprise them.

I'm just amazed at how relieved I feel. It's like a tremendous weight has been lifted. I feel good about it, and I'm happy that it frees me up to spend more time with other people and things that mean more to me. That time suck is closed. Thanks be to God!

In other news, I'm finally starting to feel much better. I think getting some rest and taking care of some things that have been hanging over me forever has done me a lot of good. I needed it, and thank God for the opportunity to rest and restore myself as I should have two months ago, when I should have. Maybe I could have prevented this relapse. But as with Facebook, better late than never, and at least I finally "got it."

That's all today. I just wanted to give you a heads up on what's going on. Click on "About Me" if you want to know where else to find me online.

Bye!

Straight Talk

6/25/2014

Folks, it's time for some straight talk about the way it is. This is likely to piss off 100% of people, but I'm telling you this now so adjustments can be made and you can't claim "I didn't know!" anymore.

There have been a lot of people getting mad at me lately because I haven't gone "goo goo" over them, and they're all people who haven't had the courtesy to ask how Rick's dad is doing (even though they know he's had problems because I told them and they gave me the blank "I don't give a crap" stare) or to say "I'm sorry" over Ollie dying. Let me just put it to you plain: I know we all like some people better than others. It's human nature, and this isn't a "shame on you" speech. But life has a way of throwing you curveballs sometimes, and one of reality's favorites is needing people that aren't on the list of approved people in your life. That person you're ignoring, hiding things from, talking about, or spraining your neck sticking your nose up at may very well be the person you need tomorrow - badly. Play around too much, and they won't do their part, because people do know when you don't like them, and they may not be willing to "play along." And why should they? When you've made it clear that you don't care about them, then why should they go out of their way for you?

I'm not saying you have to like everybody. That's impossible. What I am saying is that common courtesy can bridge gaps cased by personality differences. Let me tell you a few things that they don't teach you in basic getting-along-with-others advice:

1. Not everybody is like you.
2. Not everybody sees the world like you do.
3. Not everybody experiences life the way you do.
4. Not everybody has to like you.
5. Not everything that's said or done is all about you (the world is a big place, and people know other people EVERYWHERE!).

If you're going to venture out into the world, you have to learn to work with and deal with people that are different from you. The #1 way of doing that is to express some interest in them outside their "function" in your world. Common courtesy and manners go a long way here. You might be a jerk, but I'm more willing to give you a hand if you have the decency to ask "what's up" and lend me a hand every now and then than barging in with your demand list and assuming I'll do it "because you're Christian and it's the right thing." Uncomfortable truth: once the "right thing" is made a liability, what's right changes, and it won't be to your advantage. Once something is twisted, everything changes.

Simply stated, you have to learn to act like you give a crap every now and then, even if you don't care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. What you step on today may be what you trip over tomorrow. Burning bridges is a dangerous pastime, because life has a way of bringing you back around to places you never thought you'd see again. We all have to suck it up every now and then. And the more you want, the more you have to suck up.

God help, I'm no fool and neither is anybody else. Everybody can tell when the bar's set at a different place for them than for others. All I'm saying is that breaking out of your comfort zone to be courteous and find out what's up with the people you don't like as much can mean the difference between cooperation and conflict later. You never know when that moment might come.

Just a heads up, people - discretion, discernment, and common courtesies. They aren't dead in the modern world. In fact, they're probably more important now than ever in an expanding worldwide network. Consider this a public service announcement to help you improve all of the relationships in your life - because relationships really are the most important thing. More than money, power, or popularity, it's relationships built on trust that matter the most. So build trust, and I'll bet you'll find nearly all of your battles won before you even fire a shot.

That's all today. Take care and have a good week.

Bye!

Strange Symptoms, Stranger Ideas

6/24/2014

I'm happy to report that my sinus infection is clearing up, and I've even managed to resist the red meat binge. One strange thing about getting sick isn't the obvious symptoms, but the strange symptoms that let you know without a shadow of a doubt that you're sick. It's the overwhelming desire for red meat that usually tips me off. Don't get me wrong - I love red meat - but when the entire rack at the grocery store starts to look really good, I know the bacteria is winning. Another is the desire to watch entire seasons of my favorite TV shows. Binging seems to be one of the strange symptoms I get when I'm sick.

One good thing about all of this rest is that I have an idea for my next writing project. You know the alien invasion that I'm always joking about on social media? Well, I saw Edge of Tomorrow over the weekend and thought heck, why not write my own version of the alien invasion? It's a big idea but heck, why not? So I'm going sci-fi next time, much to the relief of everybody getting jittery of my paranormal mysteries. I'll finish Obsidian first, but I can brainstorm and research this and be ready to go with it later this year, or early next year. We'll see how it goes.I love sci-fi, and the concept of writing a trilogy makes me very happy.

So did you hear that Queen Elizabeth II visited the set of Game of Thrones? Oh, how I wish she would have had her picture in the Iron Throne. That would have been awesome. But she respectfully declined. I bet that was a great visit.

And in closing, we're celebrating an "invisible birthday." 4 years ago today, Rick brought home an adorable green and yellow parakeet with a gift of song that lit up our lives. We thought we'd have 15 years with him; instead, we had three and a half. Life's like that, I guess, but we can still celebrate him today. So Happy Birthday, Oliver! We hope you're having a great birthday in Heaven. Here's a song that always inspired you to song.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

What's Really Up

6/19/2014

If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you know that I relapsed with my sinus infection from April. I didn’t know that was possible, but the doctor I saw told me that you really have to be diligent about taking care of yourself for up to a month after starting treatment for sinusitis to make sure you don’t relapse. I never knew that. I thought you were golden once the antibiotic was done, but that’s not the case. That would have been good to know two months ago. You learn new stuff all the time.

Writing wise, I’ve turned to promotion lately. The summer gets slow for this, but I have found a few things. I put Move on a summer sale at Smashwords through August 1. Go to https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/286425 and enter Coupon Code WW75A to get it for $1.50. I have a blog tour lined up for mid-July, and it’s also my way of thanking you for putting up with my miscellaneous ramblings while I work on the sequel to that novel. I hope to publish Obsidian by the holidays, so you can load up your phone/tablet apps or ereaders with a new offering for 2015. So get Move now, and now, and get ready for the adventure to continue in late 2014/early 2015.

The outside cat has a name! Rick and I finally found one that met all of our criteria and that we agreed on. The criteria was no Biblical names (because Rick said the girl name selection in the Bible is terrible) and nothing overused (in other words, we didn’t get 7 replies on Twitter that “I named my cat that too!”). The name we settled on is Genevieve. We’re calling her Gen. Now, her mission is to become the master of the woodland realm. In other words, stay back here near the house and out of the road, because if I have to haul her off the side of the road and bury her, I’ll be unhappy.

Before you ask, she’s not an Ollie replacement. She’s just around a lot and it made sense to have a way to identify her, and names are handy like that. She gets the supper scraps we put outside every night, and dry cat food on nights that we eat out. That’s life in the woods. Animals come, animals go, and that’s the circle of life. Rick is allergic to cats and we did encroach on their territory when we built out here, so we try to make their lives a little easier by providing some food here and there.

In other news, everything else is about the same. No news is good news, so I won’t complain. Really, there isn’t much to report since I’ve been sick this week. Oh well, a slow week never killed anyone. Nobody I know anyway.

That’s all today. Take care. Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Got Me Wrong?

6/16/2014

I have to say that some people have really disappointed me lately. It seems that things I've said, posted, or mulled over while working on Obsidian and Nonstop to Nowhere the past month or so have completely freaked people out, and that they "don't know how to take me."

I've been a writer for 13 years, and doing fiction for the past 7. People should know me well enough by now to expect more than a bit of weird out of me, especially when I'm working on a novel. Add that I've actually been working on 2 pieces with a supernatural bend of late and, well, you shouldn't be as surprised as you are. At least, I thought they knew me better than that. I'm disappointed to find out that they don't.

George R.R. Martin is notorious for killing off characters in A Song of Ice and Fire and the Game of Thrones series based on the novels, but I bet people in Albuquerque aren't digging in his backyard looking for corpses. And here I am an indie author in Columbia, SC, and people freak over what I believe and what I'm thinking. I don't understand it. As a writer, I'm an artist, and you go where the art takes you. If you fear the darkness in life and humanity, fine - just don't project it on me. The darkness does exist, and I'm not afraid to explore it through fiction. Many people find that easier than dealing with the demons that pester us head on. Does my research freak you out? It's fiction for goodness sake - believe what you want. Am I pissed off because I'm not talking much? You should be glad I'm being quiet for a change. Does the fact that I'm pondering on truths that are uncomfortable scare you? Yea, that whole thinking thing is a bad habit of mine. I do it all the time, so why worry about it now? Dig for skeletons if you must, but please resod the yard when you're done.

People have some weird ideas about me. Well, go on and have them. Far be it from me to even delve in your head when my own is full enough. I'm an opportunist. If you give me the power, I'll take it. The question is, what are you up to if you're projecting this amazing stuff on me? Now I'm interested to see where this is going. Sometimes, reality really is stranger than fiction.

There's that darn psychology degree being a pain again, eh ;)

That's all today. Take care, and have a good week.

Bye!

2 Things That Don't Work Out For Me

6/14/2014

Are alarm clocks and sunglasses. I don't understand it, either. I'm fastidious about taking care of my stuff, but for some reason, these two things always break on me. It's to the point that I don't spend a lot of money on either because I know they have a short shelf life with me.

I've addressed the alarm clock issue recently. Sunglasses are another issue, which I was reminded of this past week when I went to put them on, and the lens popped out. Sure enough, the frame had cracked. As sunglasses go, these actually had a good shelf life with me - they lasted almost a year and a half. I did splurge a bit more and spent $15 on them, because I bought them for our trip to Arizona last year. Oh well. I went to Walmart and replaced them with a $5 pair that look so much like the ones that broke that Rick didn't notice they were new until I told him. I think one issue with the sunglasses is that I put them on top of my head to hold my hair back. But they'd still break on me in 12-18 months even before I grew my hair out and picked up that habit.

Truthfully, it drives me crazy that I can't seem to keep an alarm clock or sunglasses, because I'm usually good about taking care of my stuff - but no matter how hard I try, these 2 things don't work out for me long term. I've finally learned not to invest a lot of money in them because I'll have to replace them anyway. Mom says we all have things like that, and to be glad it's not more expensive stuff like phones or tech equipment (although printers are known not to play well with me, either). I guess we all have little things like that to drive us bonkers. It's the Lord's way to keep us humble, I suppose.

That's all today. I hope all of you fathers out there have a great Father's Day tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Bye!

Rising Above Mediocrity

6/12/2014

I believe the world would be a better place if more places operated like the publishing industry. They don’t deal with crap. When you submit to the publishing industry, whether traditionally or epublishers, then:

1.       You follow the directions to the letter or you’re rejected. They won’t even read it if you don’t follow the guidelines exactly.

2.       No is no forever. There are no redos , try again, or second chances. Once you’re rejected, you’re rejected – and they’ll let you know if you try to sneak in another way that they’ve already rejected it and won’t be looking at it again.

3.       You don’t pester them with questions (especially if they’re addressed in the guidelines), or you’re pegged a pest and you’re out of there.

4.       If you do get accepted, you do what they say, when they say, or you’re contract is null and void.

5.       If you “don’t mess with computers” then don’t expect a reply. This is the 21st century. If you’re technologically illiterate, they won’t make time for you. It’s straight to the recycle bin and on to the next.

I’ve heard a lot of people squawk about how anal they are, but the truth of the matter is this: people are begging for their attention, all day, every day. Holding to these stringent criteria screens what they take to only the best, and to working with people that are willing to do what it takes to create and publish the best novel possible. They don’t have time for drama and half hearted attempts, and they won’t tolerate it.

Growing up, I thought everybody operated like this. You certainly didn’t do anything half handed in college, or you don’t pass the class and you had no shot at graduating. They proudly tell you in freshman year that only 1 in 3 will make it to graduation, and this is about right. At the University of South Carolina, you have to get at least a “C” in the class or you don’t get credit and have to retake it. You can argue that a “D” is passing all day, and they’ll tell you it’s below average and you have to perform at a level that’s at least get credit, so retake the course or be on your way. Imagine my surprise when I entered the workforce and discovered how many people are completely fine with just getting by and settling for mediocrity. It still confounds me, even after sixteen and a half years of experience in the workforce.

I know people cry “you have to grant people some grace!” but there’s a place where it’s detrimental to the overall good. I know others argue that “you could be shutting out perfectly good people by being so anal,” but is someone too headstrong to follow the rules likely to be successful in the long run? Anything worth having takes hard work and dedication. Sure, setting stringent criteria creates an attrition rate. It culls out the ones that aren’t in it to win it – so is it really a loss? Even Proverbs says that laziness is destructive. A little sleep, a little rest, a little folding of the hands, and your doom is upon you. It’s true that you’re only as strong as your weakest link, and I see no problem with making sure that every chain on that link is solid, at least. Allow too much mediocrity in the system, and it can destroy everything. That’s not being pessimistic, it’s reality. Have you ever watched any of those TV shows where people go in to remake hotels, or bars, or other establishments? The first thing they look at is the quality of the employees and in every episode I’ve seen, that’s been what makes it or breaks it. If everybody pulls together and does their best, they remake themselves into success. If they don’t, they fail. It’s that simple.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned between my career and being an independent author, it’s that people will only rise to the highest standard expected of them. Internal motivation is a serious problem in our society, and we don’t help it by settling for mediocrity or slackness. Demand excellence, and that’s what you get. It’s certainly true in the publishing industry. You may think they’re tyrants for being so strict, but I can tell you from working with both of my epublishers that they’re some of the best people to work with. They’re hard working, dedicated, loyal, and will do whatever it takes to help you create and publish the best novel possible. People who self publish are encouraged to submit themselves to similar standards by hiring out proofreading and cover art design, and readers can tell who actually does it. I’ve seen the importance of high standards in just my first few weeks of being an editor at ReadWave. Seeing it from the other side is an eye opener. I better understand why it has to be this way in order to make sure readers are getting the best. It inspires me to do my best not only at my writing and my job, but at everything that’s set before me. I’m dedicated to living the best life possible, and I refuse to sabotage myself.

We need to make excellence a standard everywhere. Believe me, a little “try harder” never killed anybody. If anything, it brought them to life and helped them to succeed. One thing I’ve seen over and over, both in writing and in my career, is that if it means that much to people then they will rise to it. The excuses crumble when you replace “can’t” with “won’t” and stop accepting it.

That’s all today. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend.

Bye!

This and That

6/8/2014

I’m on a quest. The undertaking: get Nonstop to Nowhere complete and turned in for the Nightlife Anthology and a good, solid fourth draft of Obsidian done before our schedule fills up again in late June. That gives me a couple of weeks to make some good progress on my current writing endeavors without rushing through them. But isn’t that the trick, because once I get in, I want to keep going as long as I can before time runs out or my eyes feel like they’re going to fall out of my head. It’s a balance of attentiveness and patience, because you writers know how it is. Once you’re in a “groove” you don’t want to get out of it – so you wind out rushing when you meant to slow down and pay attention. I can do it. I know I can.

So we upgraded our phones, and I downgraded my alarm clock. Sometimes top of the line, high tech works for you, and sometimes it doesn’t. I envy those of you that have had the same alarm clock for 20 years, because I’m lucky to get 3 years out of mine. I even had one to start burning in the middle of the night! (I had a really good excuse for oversleeping and missing church the next day.) I don’t understand why alarm clocks die on me, but sometimes it’s better to accept what is and give up figuring it out. From now on, I’m not investing much in alarm clocks. I got a simple one from Best Buy for $20. Watch it last through the Apocalypse now that I wrote this paragraph and posted it online.

On the homefront: Rick, Zack and Chloe are doing well, as is my family. Mom and Dad are both enjoying Dad’s retirement. They say it’s good to have time home together without him being stressed out over long work days and deadlines. He still does an occasional project here and there, but it’s not full time – heck, it’s barely part-time, and they’re enjoying life. Rick’s father is a yo-yo. Between the recent brain surgery and dementia, it really is a “guess where it’s at today” game. Therapy continues and some days are better than others, but we’re told that’s to be expected. At least he’s been moved to a unit that specializes in dementia care – such as it is. I’m starting to see why the elderly complain about their medical care, because doctors definitely don’t seem to know what to do for them, especially where dementia is concerned. That’s been an uncomfortable realization that makes me more than a little nervous. But everywhere else things are rolling along this day much as any other, and we’ll take that.

It’s come to my attention through, shall we say, “alternative means” that some people aren’t sure “how to take me.” Straight is the best way, just like wine or whiskey. ;) Seriously, I know I’m a hard nut to crack, and I’ll share a secret with you on why: I’m a borderline introvert/extrovert. I know, of all the characteristics to be borderline on, it’s the one that probably has the biggest impact on character. Sometimes I don’t know what end of that fence I’ll fall on in a given day, so I understand that figuring me out is probably more work than people are used to doing. For this reason, I’m not exactly a popular person, and the “in” crowd doesn’t have much appeal to me, and I tend to be a type that stands alone and socializes here and there with lots of different people. But really, it shouldn’t be that much harder. Like all other people, I have a lot of interests, and it isn’t that hard to draw me out, whether I’m having an isolated day or an outgoing day. I even have a cheat sheet on some ways to get me chattering on the “About Me” tab on this website. Yes, I’m unique, but not impossible.

I’m making good progress reading through the A Song of Ice and Fire series. I’m about halfway through Book 4 now (A Feast for Crows). Game of Thrones fans, you really should read these books. They’re amazing. I know 5 books in a series looks like a lot, but you get hooked and read through it fast. Of course, my progress may slow down now that I’m diving into my writing and then things will get busy again late month, but we’ll see. If I keep my intended pace, I may have time to read, write, and keep things moving. It’s possible now that my TV shows are in reruns (except Game of Thrones, which only has 2 episodes left in their season).

And no conversation is complete without a mention of the weather. Well folks, it’s hot and dry in central South Carolina. Highs in the low to mid 90’s and the skys have closed up. After several weeks of daily rain in May, June has us parched. That’s typical for us. I’ll take the heat, though. All that snow, ice, and “polar vortex” crap over the winter was stupid. I’m southern, so I’m built to slow cook, not deep freeze. At least the world is alive in the hot sun with blue sky and green trees everywhere. I’ll take that over the chill and gloom of winter. But the thing I like best are the long days. Sunrise at 6:30 a.m. and sunset at 8:30 p.m.? Heck yes, I’ll take that. I love long, hot days! That’s when the world really does feel alive. One challenge I face, though, is with my work on Obsidian. That story takes place in January, so weaving a tale where you can feel the darkness of the story is kind of hard when reality is approaching the height of summer. I’ll work it out. No worries.

So there you have where it’s at in my world – just this and that, and all is well. I’m happy with where it’s at and I can’t complain. Life is good. I hope you’re all doing well. Take care, and have a great weekend.

Bye!

General Tips

6/5/2014

This final entry in the 2014 Graduation series are practical tips for adjusting to life on the other side of graduation and/or marriage. Having graduated twice and married once, I understand that just getting to your “big day” was a journey in itself. Now a new journey begins, and I hope these tips help you as you transition, be it from school to college, school to work, or “I” to “we.”

1.       Write thank you notes. There’s an ugly lie going around that thank you notes are out of fashion, and it’s exactly that – a lie. I believe it’s because many people mistakenly believe that graduation parties and wedding receptions are their way of thanking their guests for the gifts. Sorry folks, but they aren’t. Parties and receptions are your responsibility as a host for the event. Would you attend a 4th of July celebration with no food or entertainment? Just a bunch of people sitting in chairs? Of course not!

I’ve known many people that ignored wedding and baby shower invitations because they didn’t get a thank you note for a graduation or wedding gift, and they were grossly offended – and not all of them were old people, either. Folks, you’re about to learn that the 2 most precious resources in adult life are time and money, and when you send somebody a graduation or wedding invitation, you’re asking them to invest both in you. Be a decent human being. If you had the time to write an invitation, then make the time to write a thank you note to acknowledge that you received and appreciated the gift. Not a text, not a social media post, not an email – a handwritten note. Believe me, it will make a drastic difference in the responses you receive to your next invitations.

2.       Mind your manners. Simply remembering to say “please” and “thank you” is another way to stand above the crowd and to look smarter, more saavy, and more sophisticated. It’s hard enough for young people to be taken seriously by those of us approaching middle age and beyond that are jaded by reality, but being courteous always gets the right kind of attention. Make the best first impression you can and act like a civilized human being. It’s another way you’ll stand out amongst the rest kicking and screaming to be heard in this crazy world.

3.       Always present your best self. I don’t mean to always dress up like you’re going to a formal event. I do mean you should never go to the gas station or Walmart in pajamas and curlers. As my grandmother used to say, you never know when you’ll run into somebody you know, or worse yet, when somebody will whip out a camera and start clicking (which is more of a threat now that we’re in the days of camera phones), so always look your best when you leave the house. Dress appropriately, keep clean and groomed, and ladies, consider wearing makeup. It doesn’t take that much time or effort, and you can do as much or as little as you like and it always helps.

4.       Read and follow the instructions, 100% of the time. I know I say it all the time, and I will keep saying it until people do it (which will likely be when hell freezes over, so I’ll say it forever). You look smarter. You seem capable and awesome and wonderful when you know what’s going on because you read and followed the instructions. You make fewer mistakes. Life is easier. It’s all good.

5.       Take your stapler, put it in a dumpster, and never replace it. More places are digitizing files, and there’s no word in the English language to describe the devastating effect a small staple slipped on a paper can do when it runs through a scanner. Catastrophic is too small and mild to describe the damage. Staples are meant for things going into permanent filing that will no longer be used – ever. Considering how rare that is, it means that paper clips and binder clips are better investments than staples.

6.       If you go by your middle name or a nickname, always give your “real” birthname when conducting official business. And ladies, if you’ve had a name change within the past two years, give your maiden and married names. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had trouble remembering people, only for them to hem and haw about how I should know them, and then after 10 minutes say “oh, Bill is my middle name. My actual first name is Bocephus.” Or a woman says “you know, I got married/divorced and changed my name. Does that matter?” As I said, time is a precious resource to adults, and nobody’s got time for “the name game.” Know what version of your name you gave upon initial contact and use it every time.

7.       Put your brain on something for 5 full minutes before you pick up the telephone. People are too fast to jerk up the phone and start dialing, or pecking out an email or text when a question flies through their brain, and it’s gotten a million times worse with smartphones. I know, especially if you just graduated, that you’ve been told there’s no such thing as a stupid question. Well I’m sorry to break it to you, but in the real world there are lots of stupid questions. They’re the ones you ask when the answer is right in front of you. Stop. Take several deep breaths. Count to 20 slowly. Visualize a relaxing scene. Relax your mind. Shut out distractions and think for at least 5 minutes. Read the instructions. If you still have your question, find a way to articulate it accurately and THEN dial or type away. This is the #1 way to avoid being the person that people say “what a dumb***!” about every time you walk away.

8.       Never mail a check or payment without attaching back up documentation. I can’t believe how many people will drop a check in the mail to a company or agency and not tell them what the payment is for. Computers are good, folks, but we all work with a lot of people and nobody’s memory is good enough to recall every single person they interact with over the course of a day, a week, or a month. Mailing a payment without some sort of payment slip, back up invoice, reference or account number, or something to clearly identify who you are and what you’re paying for is playing roulette with money. At best, they’ll mail it back with a what the heck note. At worst (and more likely), they’ll misapply it and you’ll have a heck of a mess to untangle. Skip this adventure. Always send back up documentation with money.

9.       Admit when your wrong and do what you can to correct things. We all make mistakes – it’s unavoidable. The true test of character is how you handle them. Do you panic and try to hide and cover it up, or do you humbly admit it, do your best to correct it, learn, and move on? It might hurt, but swallowing your pride and learning from mistakes is how you gain trust and respect. And that’s worth more than popularity.

10.   Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Cliques are everywhere and I’m afraid that you didn’t leave stereotypes behind when you graduated. But the thing is, you aren’t required to fall in line with them. Now if being popular and falling in with the in crowd is your thing, that’s well and fine and you should go for it – but if not, there’s nothing wrong with saying heck with it. You’re an adult, so be free to be yourself. Don’t let other people pressure you into things you don’t believe in or want in your life, or into being something you aren’t. Weird isn’t a bad world. Truth is, people are usually more fascinated and admire those that stand alone than the ones that fall right in the mold, whether they admit it or not. So don’t be afraid to be yourself, because it’s what you do best, and all you can really be anyway. In fact, I’d encourage you to spend some time alone on a regular basis to unplug from the pressure of others/society and stay “in touch” with your authentic self.

This is no different in marriage. Marriage is a union of two individuals that complement each other and agree to share their lives together. Yes, you create a new family, but you don’t stop being you – nor should you, because that’s the person your spouse fell in love with. In all you do to support the marriage and your home and family, be sure you have some time to know and take care of yourself and your spiritual needs as well.

In closing, I’d like to congratulate you on your achievements. Graduating and getting married are exciting times, and I encourage you to enjoy this season of celebration. Good luck making the transition to the next stage of life. Godspeed, and best of luck to you in the future.

I hope you enjoyed this series. We’ll get back to my regular fun and shenanagins next entry. Stay tuned – you never know what may pop up in this rabbit hole. See, grads, brides and grooms? Life beyond school and nuptials is still fun and full of adventure!

That’s all. Have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

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