Some of you that follow me online know that for the past 3 years, I've had a recurring nightmare about walking through a graveyard that had no names on the tombstones. I hate that dream. You'd think it was the creepy factor that got me, but the truth is that it just pisses me off. I had it again night before last, and I finally get it.
My life has been nothing but change for the past 3 years. I feel like I've either been planting new things that I hope will grow, or burying the past. Good grief, so many bodies have hit the floor. For all the "remaking" in my life, a lot of the old has passed away, and I feel like I've spent way too much time either burying it or mourning it. And added to that is the fact that there's been a lot of quit in my life too - as in, people passing right on outta here. I've gained more than I can fathom, but I've lost a lot too. Balance means that when something comes, something goes. I bury the past and plant the present, hoping the future will lead to something fruitful.
Well, I'm done. I've planted plenty and I'm done mourning the past. It's over. It's time to get out of the dirt and live the sun. There will be no more mourning. There will be no more digging. As Jesus said, let the dead bury themselves. I'm alive and it's high time to stop struggling and start living.
I don't know why all of this change has come. I have no doubt that it serves a greater purpose and is laying a foundation for a bigger life, but it has been somewhat excessive. But I'm done thinking. I'm done planning. I'm done trying to figure it all out.
This annoying nightmare is over. It's on, folks. It's time to stop planting and burying and to start growing and living. And
that's what I'm going to do. Am I scared? Yes, absolutely. And I'm going to do it anyway. The dragon of fear has tried to beat me for three years and I haven't come this far to fail. I will become the dragon. I will become bigger than the fear trying to keep me in the dirt. Because being consumed by it just isn't an option.
That's why that nightmare pisses me off. It's because I've had enough. It's time to slay this beast and live in the sun.
And that's it.