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Unconventional Stress Relief Tips

4/30/2019

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I was alarmed to read this story on how Americans the most negative people on Earth. We live in the best nation with the most opportunity – and we’re miserable. How can this be? The article itself gives the answers: stress, anxiety, depression, and anger. It seems that opportunity means responsibility, and perhaps we don’t quite know how to handle it.

I was like this a few years ago. You all know that I went through several years of a lot of change in my personal and professional life (simultaneously). Life is like that sometimes. We don’t plan for the unexpected circumstances, illness, death, and derailment of our life plans when we make them in those exciting young adult days. It takes a decade or so of getting kicked around to realize that a good life is about adjusting to reality, not denying it. It also takes about that long to realize that you really can have it all – you just can’t have it all at the same time. Life comes in seasons for a reason. You have to have the wisdom and discernment to know what’s right for the place you’re at.

There’s plenty of advice on how to deal with the stress, anger, and anxiety that comes with a life too full of the “I’m busy” demon that’s permeated the beginning of this millennium. We’ve all heard it: mind your health, mind your diet, exercise, get enough sleep, meditate, simplify your schedule, have a hobby, take a vacation, etc. The problems are that not one size fits all, and sometimes what really helps doesn’t come in the form of “stress relief.” Sometimes, the best advice comes from other places. Today, I’d like to share some lesser-known stress relief tips that I learned, ironically, from The Secret, and exploring the power of positive thinking. Are you ready for some unconventional advice? Try one of these for a week, and see if you feel better about life in general:

Practice gratitude. As a society, we complain too much, and we aren’t doing ourselves or anybody else any favors. If you reap what you sow (and you do) then what good comes from griping? Absolutely none. When you feel yourself spinning into “one of those days,” why not try to purposely shift your focus to what you’re thankful for? Wouldn’t you rather call good things into your life instead of bad things? Better yet, open your day with a prayer for things your grateful for. Everybody, from religious/spiritual people to psychologists to behavioral health specialists attest to the power of gratitude to turn your entire mindset around. Try this: if you’re having a bad morning, stop what you’re doing and say “I’m not going to allow the day to continue like this. Instead, let’s switch focus right now on how grateful I am to have a full time job that provides for me financially. I’m thankful for a car to drive to work in, for this cup of coffee I’m drinking, and for the home this job helps me pay for. I’m thankful for the awesome outfit I’ll wear today, and that I’ll put this great bathrobe back on when I get home from work tonight.” Then take a deep breath, say a prayer, and see if the day takes a turn for the better.

Mind your own business. If I had a dollar for every time somebody told me to mind my own business in my teens through my late 30’s, I’d have been able to retire by 40. But I didn’t, so I just had to learn the wisdom of that advice. It was actually while talking with somebody about depression after my recent illness that I commented “perhaps people would be happier if they spent less time worrying about what everybody else should do for them and more time considering what they should be doing for others.” Wow, that’s a major shift in focus. Give it a try. The next time you get mad because somebody has been inconsiderate or rude, stop and consider what you should be doing. Have you erred that way before? Have you been impatient or rude? We all have.

I remember when I started working that somebody told me “sometimes people are wrong, and they need to be corrected.” She said it because she thought I needed more boldness in my work demeanor. What took me another 15 years to realize is that she started that sentence with the word “sometimes.” It’s not my job to correct the world. My responsibility is to have the wisdom and discernment to know when I’m supposed to speak up, and when I need to zip it and back off. And when I do need to speak up, do it in love, not in sass or ego.  

Have fewer opinions.  This goes hand in hand with minding your own business. We all have opinions on all kinds of things, but how often do they really matter in the grand scheme of things? You have the right to live by your morals and values, so those opinions matter. However, nobody cares about your five hundred bumper stickers touting your favorite bands, causes, Game of Thrones house, Avenger, DC hero, grocery story, political campaign, support of the latest local tragedy, and your membership in the “I hate winter and foggy days” club. I’m not saying having opinions is wrong, just that the fewer you have, the happier you seem to be. Don’t be a noisemaker. The world is loud enough with so many people trying to make their mark and be heard. Instead, be authentic and live your values. A living example speaks better than words can, anyway.

Let it go. Another thing the religious, spiritualists, and behavioral experts attest to is the power of forgiveness. I don’t need to write a dissertation on this, because you’ve heard it. I’ll just say this: sometimes, people don’t know how to be a decent human being, and they aren’t going to learn that from you. People will only change if they’re internally motivated, and that often means the threat of losing something extremely important to them. Unfortunately, it’s highly unlikely that threat is you. People just don’t care what others think. Heck, we all believe we’re swell people. You just have remember that you have flaws too, learn from the experience, let it go, rand stick by that decision. Forgiveness is another one of those tough areas of changing how you think, but you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel when you finally decide to let things go – and mean it.

Appreciate small things. We’re enamored with bigger and better, and because of this we miss so many small blessings that come to us every day. Sadly, we often don’t appreciate these small things until something happens to take them away. I learned this lesson the hard way when my job moved in 2010. I was so focused on the change that I didn’t realize how many blessings I had in my daily life that were just gone one day, never to return. I vowed to open my eyes and not miss these opportunities again. We get in such a hurry striving for the big goals that we don’t celebrate the small steps of progress, or the experiences and people who make up the journey. No, that hallway conversation with a coworker might not strike you as a highlight of your day right now. Neither will sub day in the canteen, chatting with the folks in the mail room, the few quiet minutes during your afternoon break, the song you heard on the ride home, the ten new followers you got today because of a post you wrote before work, or the two short story submissions you sent out before you went to bed. It’s all small stuff. It’s also the stuff that makes up the big picture of life. Open your eyes. Use gratitude to see these blessings, and take advantage of every opportunity, no matter how small. I’ve told you about how I broke into being an indie author because of an online article I read one Saturday afternoon in 2010 when I was bored. One small thing launched my writing in an entirely new direction. It probably would have withered had I not followed that small thing to a bigger world!

I told you it was unconventional, but it works. I know because I tried all of these. Yes, it was difficult at first, but the results came so fast that I have no problem reminding myself to get back on track when I slip. One thing about positive thinking is that you notice quickly when you fall out of it, and you can’t stand it. You’ll do whatever it takes to get yourself right again. I pray these tips work for you. At least, I pray they work better for you than meditation works for me. I just can’t seem to make a go of that!

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!
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It's Indie Author Month!

4/24/2019

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It’s Indie Author Month! If you’ve been on Twitter at all in April, then you’ve no doubt noticed the drastic increase of links to books littering your timeline. The #IndieApril hashtag has been surprisingly effective this month, as lots of people are requesting links to indie authors to try in April. I can say that my personal promotion has been much more effective this month. It’s good to see the interest in indie authors increasing. I’m glad readers are finally ready to ignore the stereotypes of self publishing and give us a chance.

I’ve said for years that the traditional publishing industry is not only overcharging, but is limiting reader’s choices. This isn’t just from a hope for selfish gain, but it’s based on fact. For example, a typical author published by a traditional publisher will charge the same price for an ebook as they will for a hardback or paperback. Do you know how much it costs to publish an ebook? Absolutely nothing. If you know how to format the manuscript (and this information is available online and through free guides on Amazon and Smashwords), then you can do it for free. That’s why indie authors can afford to price their books lower than people going through the traditional route. We don’t have an agent and publisher needing a cut of the cash, so we don’t have to inflate the price to make a profit.

Of course, self publishing isn’t entirely free. We do have to pay graphic artists to design our covers. Editors and proofreaders can be exhorbantly expensive, which is why so many of us gather a tribe of beta readers to do read swaps. Sometimes, it pays to hire out these services. Sometimes, the purse strings tighten, and we have to improvise. A good indie author who is serious about their writing will do whatever it takes to make their book the best it can be and deliver a quality product for readers. Then, of course, we have to promote, and the better promotions also cost money.

We love books too, and we understand the stigma of the “sloppy self published” book. Fortunately, I think ebooks have evolved to the point where it’s obvious when a writer put in the correct time and effort, and when an amateur threw together a product and puked it through the “publish” button. Readers are pretty smart, and a passionate writer wants to deliver the best book to you at the best price.

Our goal for Indie April isn’t to dispel myths or spam your timeline with book links. We want to raise awareness of our presence. We want readers to know that there’s more out there than what traditional publishers offer. There are some real gems in indie books. I pray you discover some new favorite authors this month as you peruse the posts. It isn’t about competition. It’s about offering readers more choice, and hoping that our work will entertain and inspire you in that magical way that a good book does. We want to be part of that magic and offer it to readers in a way that’s accessible. We love books, too!

And who knows? The tide may be turning in the book industry. Indies may just become the new mainstream as we continue to grow, both on Amazon and through other book markets. We have more options, and so do you!

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

​Bye!

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The Creative Well is Dry (or: Writer's Block!)

4/10/2019

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​The good news is that I have a better idea of what makes a good short story now. Weeks of research and reading have finally taught me what I’ve been missing in this area for the past almost-two decades. Short stories aren’t just shorter versions of novels, or “slice of life” vignettes. They’re a powerful art of their own, with a laser focus on a limited setting, few characters, and a single, powerful conflict.  No wonder all of my previous attempts fell flat. I just wrote whatever came to mind, put it out there, and didn’t understand why it kept getting mediocre reviews and rejections. Now I know. Short stories and flash fiction really are an art of their own. I’m ready to try this again and, as I’ve been saying so often lately, to do it right this time.

If only the ideas would come. I wrote a flash fiction piece titled "Strange Turn" Monday that I posted to Writing.com . The first reviews are good, but since then - nothing. Every idea is either a regurgitation of something I've already written, or so cliched that it's not worth pursuing. Alas, it seems that my muse has taken a vacation, and the creative well is dry. "Strange Turn" was one  last blast of inspiration before the block fell on me. 

I should have expected this. I just published the last book in series that I’ve been working on for 5 years. Plus, I’m still technically recovering from that virus that knocked me out last month. I’m back to my day to day routine, but the “deeper” healing is still in progress, and I do have to watch it to ensure I don’t overdo it. And then peak season at my job just started. I should have seen this perfect storm creating a creative black hole in my life. Heck, I planned the release of Convergence and The Earthside Box Set so I’d have my book stuff done before work exploded. I also get writer’s block every time I publish. I should have known this would happen.

But another thing I know is that this will pass. It always does, and I’ll be ready to tackle short stories when it does. In the meantime, I’ll do the things that help replenish the creative well: live my day to day routine to the best of my ability, keep reading, keep researching how to write better, keep marketing my published ebooks, and enjoy other hobbies. I’ve made some good progress with my rose cutting cross stitch this week. I definitely need to make that project a priority if I want to enter it in the State Fair in October. I think that’s “doable” because I should still have time for stitching while I work on short stories. They aren’t as intense as novels, so they don’t take up nearly as much time or mental energy.

It's ironic that the thing you need to escape reality is to embrace it, fully and intentionally, to get the creation going again. 

Yes, life without writing is dreadfully dull, but the muse will return. At least there are still plenty of books to read, and Game of Thrones returns for it's final season in four days. And when the muse does return and that well starts pumping out ideas again, I’ll be ready to tackle it in a new way. I pray the "short story" endeavor works this time. .

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!

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New Discoveries in a New Life Season

4/3/2019

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It is finished! Convergence released on Monday, bringing the five-year journey that has been The Earthside Box Set to a close for me. Writing these novels has been a journey of discovery for me, as I dug deeper to explore coping with issues in my own life. In a way, the publication of this final novel and the full box set is the close of a season for me. It’s a bit shocking to consider this journey, which started with the passing of my father-in-law and one of our companion birds in 2014, and just closed while still in recovery from a month-long infection. This box set was indeed a journey, both in fiction and reality, through dealing with change and pain. Thank goodness we all made it with strength and wisdom for what’s to come.

What is to come? That’s a good question to ask when the seasons of life change. I’ve learned through this journey that my life is truly blessed, and to appreciate things both large and small in it. I’ve learned to root myself more in love and compassion for others (and myself). I’ve learned that sometimes my big personality can frighten people, and to discern when my “uniqueness” is appropriate and when I need to dial it down.  I’ve learned that being a borderline introvert means that people do wear me out sometimes, I need to learn when to take a break to restore my wells and keep my best foot forward. I learned the power of faith. The second biggest lesson was that true contentment is in focusing on what I can and should do for others, and not what I think they should be doing. So if that’s number two, then what’s the biggest lesson I learned?

It’s that ordinary life is extraordinary in it’s own, quiet way, and that miracles happen every day. We just get so bogged down in routine that we don’t notice these miracles until something knocks us down and out, and we aren’t able to overlook them anymore.

This was a powerful discovery for me, especially as a writer. I was amazed when I recovered enough from the conjunctivitis to read and watch TV again. All of a sudden, I noticed how much focus there is on “the ordinary becoming extraordinary.” People yearn to be unique; to be special; to be something more than what they are. They want to stand out so badly that they don’t notice that we’re already extraordinary. We’re all a unique creation. We all have our own purpose that we fulfill in our own amazing way every day. We just get so used to it that it’s another miracle we don’t notice.

We always want something different.

So this is a theme I’m considering now in my writing. I’d like to explore it in my short story adventures in preparation to return to novel writing next year. Are these efforts to “rise above” really helping us, or drowning the gifts we already have? I don’t know the answer, but I imagine that it depends on motivations and authenticity. I’m looking forward to exploring this in more detail.

The Tanger Falls Mystery
taught me that change can be good, if you embrace and handle it with pure motives.

The Earthside Box Set
taught me that pain is a powerful motivator, but whether it’s good or bad is up to your choices.

I’m eager to see what comes from this new lesson that the ordinary is extraordinary.

In closing, you may notice that the website and blog have been renamed. Dark Mirrors reflected my mystery writing well, but I don't believe it fully captures the themes of my science fiction. The purpose of my writing has always been to help readers escape reality, so I figured why not just say so in the title? 

Welcome to a new journey, readers.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.
 
Bye!

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    Escape Reality

    By day, I'm a program assistant. By night, I'm an independent author. My fiction offers an escape from the reality of day-to-day life. See how my experiences lead to creating new worlds! 

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