Blog Archives

You Can't Go Back

4/30/2015

Another character that’s been on my mind of late is Ruby Josen from Move and Obsidian. There’s no secret why this is: Move takes place in the spring, and Ruby is similar to Jana Lanning from Anywhere But Here in that she’s down on her luck. The difference is the circumstances. Jana did everything right and still couldn’t seem to catch a break, while Ruby passed up opportunities because she feared change. The theme for Jana was patience and endurance through tough times. The theme with Ruby is dealing with the consequences of your decisions.

I’ve talked a lot about change in this blog, but the thing that struck me later (and even inspired Obsidian) is the importance of understanding, accepting, and working with the consequences of your decisions. There are always consequences, for better or for worse – we just call it “rewards” when the consequences turn out in our favor, because it has a better connotation. But a reward for right decisions is as much a consequence as punishment is for bad decisions. For some reason, we choose to see it differently depending on the situation. And sometimes those consequences, for better or for worse, have more far reaching implications than we can fathom.

My Bible reading of late has been on King David. Specifically, it’s the aftermath of his affair with Bathsheeba, which ran through the rest of his life as he was constantly challenged from within and without. This is often the case with us, but we don’t realize how a decision we made 5 or 10 years ago is still impacting our life. But “the butterfly effect” is very real, and can rewrite our lives in ways we could never imagine. I think about Ruby, and how her life was irrevocably changed by her refusal to accept change. Eventually, it became inevitable, and she wound out pushed on a path chosen for her by others. She turned it her way, but how much different (and less dramatic) would her life had been if she had accepted the marriage proposal from her last boyfriend? Or accepted the work transfer and gone back to school after her mother died? Or moved to Atlanta with her father and step-mother? Or accepted that second offer for a work transfer when things went south with her boss? Or walked away from Bryce instead of listening to him at that festival?

I don’t want to give away the plot of Move, but all of these questions led to everything that happens in Obsidian as Ruby realizes that if she really wants to move on with her life, then she must deal with the consequences of her past mistakes properly and fully, until all of them are brought to their right end.

Sometimes, you can’t go back. And really, that’s the proper way of the world. Doors open and doors close, and that’s how life is supposed to be. We don’t want every eventuality to remain perpetually open, because that’s not right or proper, and would overwhelm us with things that don’t fit where we are or where we need to go in life. There are times when it’s necessary and right to change course. There are times when the change comes to us, and resisting it can damage our first steps into a wonderful, unexpected opportunity. There are times when it’s ok to stay put and decline an offer. But you always have to deal with the consequences of those actions, and how they rewrite your life, for better or for worse, for the rest of your days. The important thing is to make sure those paths diverge in a way that moves you forward, helps you grow, and makes your life better. That’s why discernment is a critical life skill that all of us should master if we really want to be the master of our lives.

It’s something to think about …

That’s all for today. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Rise

4/28/2015

I’ve been thinking about Anywhere But Here lately. That’s the mystery novel about the recent college graduate that can’t seem to catch a break. Perhaps it’s because the novel takes place around this time of year. Or maybe it’s my recent work re-organization. Whatever the case, this tale has been on my mind.

I think we all have those times when it seems that if it weren’t for bad luck, we wouldn’t have any luck at all – and no luck seems preferable! Sometimes, you can’t win. It rains aggravations. People aren’t at their best, and they certainly aren’t trying to win you as a friend or influence you in any good way. The world goes crazy, and you can think of reams of reasons to become a hermit, as Jana Lanning did in this tale. Unfortunately, withdrawing led to depression, which caused an already tough situation to become worse as the people around her took advantage of her perceived weakness to protect themselves in a larger situation that threatened them all. I won’t give away the plot, of course, because I’d rather that you read the book, but I think it’s worth reflecting on what the right reaction is to when things go wrong.

It’s tempting to give up. If you can’t win, why try? Then there’s the flip side of giving in to anger. If they’re going to hurt you, hurt them back. I have to admit that I’m more the externalizing type. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times when I’d stick those knives right back in their backs if it would make an effective point (pun intended). The problem is, it wouldn’t. And neither would giving up.

The good news is that right reaction is simple. It isn’t easy, but it’s simple. When people and situations are at their worst, you rise above it by being your best. Be stable and do what’s right. Rise above the wrong, be the better person, and if there are areas where you’re weak then fix those chinks in your armor and get strong. You’ll get resistance, of course, because the ultimate insult is for a person to rise despite situations that put them down. It’s downright insulting, and they'll try to squash you. Rise anyway. Keep doing it. Don't give up. Part of being a better person is being stable in character, and stability means that you stand firm and don’t waver no matter what winds and waves of the world buffet you. Don’t let them break you – you get stronger and break them. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes tremendous strength. But it’s something that nobody or no thing can take away from you, especially if you’re firmly rooted in the faith to sustain you through these times.

I think one of the best prayers I ever heard was in Stephen King’s The Stand. As Mother Abigail watched the masses gathering to her in the wake of the flu that killed off most of the population, she simply prayed: “Help us to be true, Lord. Help us to stand.”

So don’t just sit there. Rise.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

News of the Weird

4/24/2015

I know I just finished writing the rough draft of The Earthside Trilogy, but it seems I'm not the only one that's been in my own little world this week. No, it's not just me. The world is going crazy, and we're all riding shotgun. I close this week with another edition of “News of the Weird.”

First up – what do you do when you run low on lethal injection chemicals? The South Carolina legislature is considering a throw back to way back in the day: firing squads. If technology fails, I suppose you do have to go back to old ways, but seriously, is the electric chair broken or dismantled? Surely, we have some educated, skilled people in this state that could get it up and running again. Seriously, nothing says redneck like a line of dudes with shotguns dispensing justice. And sadly, our State Law Enforcement Division would probably be flooded with applications for that job. All we have to do is implement the fast track that Texas has on executions, and we’re set to get a good portion of our population back to work, eh? Maybe this could be a win-win.

*Sigh* Personally , if we’re doing the throwback thing, then why not do trial by combat, like in Game of Thrones? That takes skill, and is entertaining to boot. Unless you’re the loser, of course.

Then again, it may all be a moot point of the other bill that raised eyebrows to do away with concealed weapons permits and let anybody carry, whether they've had firearms training or not, passes. If anybody that wants a gun can have one and take it anywhere, that's going to thin out the ranks quite a bit, don't you think? We may see real, live vigilante justice in the streets of SC, but I doubt it translates to what we see on the superhero shows that are popular now. This idea isn't only stupid, it's dangerous - and I'm not saying that because Rick and I had to sit through a 13 hour class to get ours. (That's right - 13 hours. They have to be at least 8 hours, but our instructor erred very much on the side of caution). Handling firearms isn't a casual interest - you must know what you're doing and how it operates. If they pass this, then they need to allow open carry, because I want to see these people coming.

Next on my chuckle list is Creflo Dollar saying the devil is trying to discredit him. Sir, the devil is trying to discredit us all. It’s nothing personal. I’m not sure why Michael had to throw Satan to Earth when there were countless other fine planets to hurl his sorry butt to. I believe Uranus would have made a much more entertaining, efficient, and fun target. But be that as it may, it is what it is, and Satan is a problem for every human being on the planet, except the ones that don't care and are happy to do his bidding, which makes even bigger problems for the rest of us. That being said, we can also be our own problem, and frankly, Mr. Dollar, I believe that your fixation on that new jet may be more of a sign that you’re going ku-ku for Coco Puffs than the devil doing stuff.

Do it like we all do it, Mr. Dollar. Take it to the Lord in prayer – not to the Internet to make it worse. And by the way, I wish I got a sabbatical. Us normal folks call that "retirement."

And finally, I saw an interesting bumper sticker on my way in to work. It read: “I use multi-million dollar satellites to find Tupperware in the woods.” What?

Well, at least the crazies are entertaining this time, which somewhat helps me to recover from the aggravations that rained on me last week. So let’s give thanks for the small things and hope that maybe, if it doesn’t turn all the way for good at once, then it can at least make us laugh.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a Happy Friday and wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Random Silliness

4/22/2015

Ladies and gentlemen, it seems that Chris Northcutt has left the building. Or at least, dropped everything and ran like hell from it all. That's what I fathom from the calls I've been getting for him for the past 4 years. Apparently, dude had my number before I got it, and apparently, dude cut and run. I've been told he went missing. I've also been told he owes a lot of people some money. It seems that after 4 years, they'd get it: he doesn't love you anymore, and you're never getting your money.

But still, they are persistent. Since I get various stories, and unlucky for him, they gave his number to a mystery and sci-fi writer. Dad told people that the dude that was handing out his number at the bars on weekends was dead - clever, and it certainly worked, but it was only fun for a while. And I did Google the name and find an obituary, so I'd be justified in using it. But no, I'm more creative than that. So from now on when you call for Chris Northcutt, I'll say one of these four things:

1. ISIS activated his cell, and he's no longer in the country.
2. The humans he was trying to traffic were actually CIA, and he's in jail.
3. We found his flashpoint imprint in the crop circle out back. The tachions are pretty strong out there, but we haven't finished digging for the rest of him yet; or
4. Sorry, the cartel got him first, and nobody's seen him since.

And in all of these instances, don't even ask about the money, because I was his psychotherapist, and I'm not risking my license for the likes of you.

One problem solved.

Here's another story I keep seeing/hearing/reading in various places. Ladies, if your boyfriend has 2, 7, or 14 other girlfriends, then he is not a boyfriend. He's something else which, in turn, makes you something else if you condone it- both of which are politically incorrect. The same is true for friends that continually betray you or put you down, and you keep hanging around them. Far be it from me to tell you what to do. I would just like to think that having some self respect is important to people, and that you don't want to get slung around. Geeze, forget people, eh? Get a parrot. Consider these important features:

1. Parrots are flock animals who bond with their caregivers.
2. Parrots are loyal.
3. Parrots are observant and empathetic.
4. Parrots are stuck with you. And on you.

Yea, birds are the best!

Speaking of betrayal, here's one from the "I know a guy who knows a guy" files: I do know somebody that stood up to their toxic friend. The friend is really proving that they can be madder and hold a grudge. Good for them! Too bad they forgot that they confided a major family secret to the person they stabbed in the back,and that wound is leaking. Oops!

Now you really want a bird for a best friend, don't you? Except parrots can talk, too. In fact, after I finish writing The Earthside Trilogy, I'm considering a short story where a bird solves the crime simply by telling the detective what they know.

Good grief!

Wisdom or Madness?

4/20/2015

I know that, as a writer, there come those times when I think "I have absolutely lost my mind." Usually, it comes when I'm in the crunch of writing the heavy action scenes of a novel that typically come somewhere around halfway to two-thirds of the way through the book. Maybe it's normal, or maybe it isn't. To me, it's a part of being a writer that I've come to accept and work with. When the lines of fiction and reality start to blur my concentration, it's probably time for me to dig in and finish writing it, because that's when it's really flowing.

Those are the times that writers live for. We love that flow. It may cause us to question our own sanity, but by golly, it creates great fiction. And at least we realize where that line is, because it's one thing to deal with this madness in art, and quite another to deal with it in day to day reality. In fact, it can be downright frustrating in reality.

A turning away from reality for a purpose is one thing. To create art, to heal from illness or injury, to cope with tough emotional situations, or to serve a mission or a purpose that you've been called to that requires your complete attention for a reasonable period of time - that's one thing. All of us do it, and that's perfectly normal. What isn't normal is a long-standing refusal to adjust to changes or a new way of doing things. The nature of the universe is change, and it's happening at increasing rates now thanks to the marvels of technology. You can fuss and you can fight, but sometimes resistance really is futile, and refusing to adapt isn't brave or courageous; it's ignorant.

One case in point: refusing to learn computers. I realize there's a lot of technology out there, but seeing as we're a decade and a half into the new millenium, you must realize by now that if you don't "do computer" then you aren't a functional part of society. They're here to stay, as evidenced by the widespread disposal of filing cabinets and pay telephones. Everything has gone digital, and there's no going back. You have to go with it, or waste away.

My case in point here is that it can be wisdom to turn away from overwhelming reality from time to time, but that should be temporary. Hitting the pause button while you catch up with the rest of the world or are serving another purpose that you know you've been called to is one thing - that's wisdom, because these times usually require a focus that makes multitasking with a crazy world impossible, and you really are more effective turning out the non-essentials. The line is drawn at the "coming back" point. When denial or frustration become a lifestyle, you've crossed over into madness. Sometimes, you can't go back, and continuing to assume that you can if you dig in your heels longer makes a fool out of you while the world passes you by. Being stubborn may hurt others for a little while, but in time it hurts you the most, because they simply learn to go around or avoid you so they can move ahead with the rest of life.

The world is constantly changing. Sometimes you choose it and sometimes you don't, but one truth remains: you live in the new world, or you die in the old one. Reality isn't patient. You must adapt, or it will break you put you places that are to other people's advantage, but not your own.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

Enjoying Life

4/16/2015

Do you enjoy life? Do you know how to enjoy life? This is something I’ve had to re-discover after many years of change, transition, and struggles. I never thought I would find myself in a place where I had to learn how to relax, but it turns out that I’m more of a “Type-A” personality than I realized. The will wants to relax, but the habits die hard. It takes time to rest and not fear that there’s some sort of chaos or monster waiting around every corner for you, especially when that’s been the case for a long period of time.

I’ve been studying and working on “the power of positive thinking” for about a year now, and I understand changing how you think and your perspective on things. In fact, I had been under a therapist for a while in the past, and all of their advice was right along these lines, so it was easy to relearn many things. The thing I seem to struggle with is knowing that sometimes, it’s alright to do nothing, even if the “to do” list isn’t cleared off. I don’t have to be doing every minute of every day. As one person said, we’re human beings, not human doings. It’s fine to call a time out every now and then, because I do need rest. It’s also perfectly fine to reward myself in little ways for accomplishments that are overlooked by the world but are meaningful to me. Hitting the halfway point of Dissension this week may not mean much to you, but to me it’s cause to celebrate because this trilogy that I’ve been working on for months is almost all the way out of my head and on my computer. I think that’s worth a Pepsi, wearing glitter nail polish, or maybe even a Game of Thrones binge this weekend. See, rewards don’t have to be a big deal, or even cost you anything other than enjoying what you’ve already invested in!

I remember a friend once telling me that I needed to stop fighting and trying to figure things out all the time, and just live. “If you’ve done what you can, then have faith that it’s going to work out,” she said. This friend was dying of cancer, and her perspective in her large problems was much better than my perspective in my smaller ones. Then again, I’ve had no problem taking this advice when the going got tough, because all I could do was focus on getting through. Now that I’m out of the valley, I’m learning to apply this advice to the light of day. Wisdom is the key, no matter where your journey is.

I said in a recent social media post that the time comes when you have to stop fixating on healing and be healed. You have to accept that things are what they are, and that you are a constant work in progress. Perfection doesn’t happen this side of Heaven, so you have to learn how to let things go and be content with the best you can do. And so, we can.

So here’s to positive energy! If you’re interested in learning more of what inspired me to this path, check out The Secret and The Power. These are powerful books that, when applied to faith with discernment, can bring you wisdom to see life in a whole new way.

Now if any of you know how to get the black spot off my red roses, that would be one less thing to roll with!

That’s all today. Take care. Have a happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Aggravations

4/14/2015

We all have them. It usually starts as a minor irritation that we don’t give much thought, but through continual occurrence, it grows into monsters that can burn our patience to the ground.

How many you have usually depends on your temperament. Some people have a short list of things that annoy them, while others get pissed off at everything under the sun. It can also be influenced by outside factors, like how much stress is in your life, general or mental health issues, or even medications we take. I’m finishing a 10 day antibiotic for a sinus infection now, and I can tell that the side effect of anxiety has been working on me as my patience for tomfoolery and shenanagins has been much shorter since I got sick and have been on the recovery process. The purpose of this entry isn’t how to discern which is which. It’s to provide guidance on how to deal when those aggravations push your buttons.

The first thing to do is be aware of your emotions. This requires that you know yourself. If you don’t or are having a crisis of identity, this is the perfect time to work it out. What’s really at the root of your anger? “The straw that broke the camel’s back” is a saying for a reason: because it’s usually not the big stressors in life that throw us over the edge, but the little irritations that have the nerve to show their face in the wake of it. I snapped one time over my foot hurting. Another time, I exploded over wrist pain. The pain wasn’t really that bad in either case. Both times, they were nothing more than minor irritants. The problem was that each happened to bother me while I was going through major family and work issues while working on major writing projects that I was fighting to keep on track while the rest of life was going insane. Unfortunately, we usually don’t stop for a self evaluation until we make an idiot out of ourselves over something that really isn’t worth it. Don’t wait until you’ve already snapped to take that “mental health day.” Be honest with yourself and when you note that the tension is rising, take care of it sooner rather than later. And yes, by the way, it is completely acceptable to drop out and take a sick day once in a while if you fear you’re getting to the point where you can’t deal with society in a civilized way. Better to miss out than to destroy reputation, relationships, and trust that you’ve spent time building.

Be aware of your physical state. Are you sick? Do you suspect you’re getting sick? Are there health issues that you know you need to attend to, but you haven’t because of time, money, or whatever else? Well, “whatever else” isn’t worth it. You’re no good to anybody if you aren’t at your best, so take care of yourself. Go to the doctor. Fill the prescription – and take it! If it’s a mental health issue, don’t be ashamed of it. You don’t have to advertise it (or even a physical illness, if it isn’t readily apparent) to the world, especially if you’re taking action to correct it. Think of it this way: you wouldn’t hesitate to take a decongestant or antacid to help you feel better, so why hesitate to take something to make your mind feel better?

And yes, I put mental health under the physical state on purpose, because your mind is as much a part of your body as every other part, and it deserves the same care, concern, and respect as everything else. Besides, how we feel in our mind has a tremendous impact on how our body functions. Think well, be well. The key to healing anything is to focus on being well.

Put it in perspective. I’ve noticed a disturbing epidemic of quitting in the past decade or so. People are far too willing to walk away from things, and then don’t understand why the same old issues or types of people keep coming back into their lives. I believe this is because people don’t take time to become aware of reality. The truth is that the Lord is going to allow some aggravations into your life to rub off your rough edges. If you run away without learning the lesson, it will find you again.

True story: I’ve personally known two people that quit jobs the liked because they couldn’t stand their supervisor, and in both cases the supervisor left within a year of them quitting. If

they hung in there for a few more months, the problem would have solved itself without them having to leave a job they liked and go through the adjustment of a new job, just to get away from one person they thought they couldn’t live with.

I endorse patience for so many things because it really is the most unpopular cure-all in the world. Put things in perspective. Is this irritation big enough to throw everything attached to it away? It very likely isn’t. That’s not to say you shouldn’t take an opportunity. If your breakthrough dream comes tomorrow, you should run like Tyrion Lannister fleeing Kings Landing after he shot Tywin with a crossbow. Likewise, if you can do something to eliminate or reduce it without other consequences, then by all means do something about it. Don't keep a problem in your life just to have something to complain about. For those other unmovable objects, you need to take stock of how big a part of the whole this is. If your entire life is misery and frustration, then it may be time to walk away. If it’s what design professionals refer to as “incidental” (meaning a small part) or temporary, then you could be sacrificing too much for too little – or setting yourself up for worse in the future by leaving.

Here’s another true story: one of my former supervisors had the job I have now, and she told me that it was the best job she ever had, and sometimes she wished she hadn’t left it to move up the ladder. I never forgot that, because I see how it’s true. Remembering that has helped me put a great deal in perspective over the past 16 years –and not only with my job, but with all manner of other things in my life.

Remember reality. I remember hearing a preacher talk about people and things that annoy you on television about ten years ago. They said “you can get rid of it, and two more just like it will come into your life.” I’ve heard that repeated many times in the past decade, and I’ve seen it’s true. On rare, unpleasant occasions, the replacement irritant is firmly in place before the old one is gone. That happened to me once, and I thought it was grossly unfair! Such is life. So there I learned that any break from aggravations is a blessing, because they always come back.

There is no cure-all for aggravations because they really are universal. Fortunately, we don’t have to be held captive to them, and breaking their foothold in our lives is easier than many of us realize.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

When People Aren't At Their Best

4/11/2015

Ah, spring break! That time of year when the kids get a free week off from school - and you don't. I can always tell when the schools close their doors, because the adults get frustrated with finding a balance to keep up with work and life while entertaining the young ones. It doesn't take long before nerves are shot and tempers fray at the constant crowds and traffic jams pretty much everywhere you go. I actually heard one person say that spring break is a time of joy for kids and aggravation for parents.

No, people certainly haven't been at their best over the past couple of weeks, while the school districts alternated their spring breaks. Heavier traffic and crowds everywhere you go means nothing is getting done in a hurry. Add the pollen that has everybody sniffling and sneezing and the rising temperatures, and you see how temperatures are going right up with the barometer, humidity, and mercury.

In a way, I can see the problem. All of the buzz from a decade ago about a "more family friendly workplace" has given way to a "you better be thankful you have a job" mentality from the economic squeeze since the dot-com bust. And really, I don't know how parents are supposed to do it. Society seems to enjoy putting people in all manner of "no win" situations, doesn't it?

The problem is that anger is contagious, so it's easy to fall prey to a germ of aggravation. Instead of following the herd, I think it would behoove us to strive for class and dignity. Remember, emotions are fleeting, so don't let them make a fool of you. One momentary outburst can ruin the foundation of building character. Anger and frustration can only take you over if you allow it. Keep cool and refuse to give in to it, and you can win every time.

And if that's too hard a struggle, you can try a method that I like a lot better but can rarely employ because too much real life becons: sequester yourself at home until the madness passes. A good Game of Thrones binge can do more for your soul than the toxin of rampant rage. Heck, chaos in fiction is a lot more entertaining than real life crowds and traffic jams!

That's all today. Take care, and have a great weekend. And hang in there - Spring Break is almost over.

Bye!

4 Things to Do When You're Betrayed

4/7/2015

How many of you watched the TV series Better Call Saul? If you did, then you probably felt the punch in the gut when you found out that Chuck betrayed Jimmy (aka Saul) at the end of the episode titled "Pimento." I know I did. To be betrayed is bad enough. To be betrayed by somebody close to you is worse. For a reminder, see the YouTube video below of where Jimmy confronting his brother over why he was cut out of the major case that he built.

I believe this scene resonates because we all know how it feels when you work hard for something, just to find out that the person or people who were supposed to be helping you were actually sabatoging you. It's an ugly thing. I know that for me, it brought to mind something that happened nearly 18 years ago when I was applying for a job, and all of my references turned on me because somebody else went around behind me and sweet talked them into why they needed it more - and they fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. Of course, that's not the only time it happened. I have a lovely knife collection that I've obtained from pulling them out of my back over the years - as do we all, I suppose, and time and experience teaches us that there are three important things you MUST do when you face betrayal:

1. Act, don't react. Yea, you have a right to be angry. No matter who says "you have to understand ..." you absolutely don't. However, the most vital thing you can do in these situations is maintain your class and dignity. When people betray you, they may have won a battle, but the truth is that they are now at a disadvantage because you no longer trust them, and that makes you a "wild card." You're a resource they can't use anymore, and the moment they stuck the knife in your back is the moment they lost control of you. I once read that it takes four times longer to rebuild broken trust than it takes to build initial trust - that means that if it took them a year to gain your trust, it's going to take them 4 years to regain it! Use that to your advantage. As tempting as it is to lash out, strike back, or tell the world what horrible human beings they are, stop. You're at a critical juncture where things can start to turn for you or further against you. Take that upper hand of no longer being predictable and reign in your anger long enough to make sure you have a true and accurate view of the "real" situation before you take any action. And because you are angry and this can be difficult, then my next suggestion is:

2. Withdraw from the people and situation as much as possible. I had been volunteering at the agency where I was betrayed on that job opportunity. When I learned of the betrayal, I immediately quit and accepted another job offer. It wasn't perfect - it was a part time/temporary position, but I took it because it was an offer on the table that would afford me the chance to get away from a poisionous situation and to build up new skills and contacts while I figured out what to do next. I was honest when I left the volunteer position and told them that my reason for leaving was less about a paying job and more about the fact that I didn't trust them anymore, and I didn't feel it was a good or healthy situation for me to remain in, especially when a stranger had greater faith in my abilities than people who had known me for months. They didn't like that, but they had no choice but to accept it as the consequence of their betrayal. They lost a free employee. And in the end, I gained a career.

Sometimes, it isn't possible to walk away. This is especially true if you have a job, and you need to keep it. Being passed over for a promotion, undercut in your position, or taken advantage of is hard to get over when you have to keep living with the people day after day. Still, you don't have to stay fully immersed. Sometimes, the best punishment is to let them have what they want, because they don't realize the full responsibility they're assuming by taking it from you. There have been many times when I had to pull the knife out of my back and say "fine, it's yours. Do what you wish and good luck, because I won't offer support or advice anymore." What's in my brain can only come out if I allow it to come out, and nobody can force themselves in there to take my knowledge or skills, nor can they do things the way I do them because they don't see the world the way I see it. The same is true for you. If you can't physically seperate, then mentally seperate. They aren't privy to what's going on in your head and frankly, they don't deserve to know.

Whether the sepreation is physical or mental, the point is to give yourself some time and space to heal from your hurt, manage your emotions, and take stock of what you do have to work with. Yes, they will try to tell you that you're being immature, but don't fall for it. They struck the first blow, and that was immature. Taking a time out is actually the better part of wisdom - and they don't like it because when people play games, wisdom always works against them in the end.

3. Take advantage of opportunity, no matter how small. Despite how things look, there's always something that can be salvaged from these situations, even if it's knowing who you can and can't trust. You have to start somewhere, so start there, pick up the pieces, and rebuild the best that you can. That part time/temporary job was definitely now what I had in mind 18 years ago, but you can probably imagine what happened: I learned a lot about the workforce, got to know people, and when a permanant job came open a year later, I got it with the new skills I had developed, my knowledge of the workplace, and the new contacts I made while I was learning. In fact, it's the job that I still have today. And guess what else happened? Right before I began this job, the "perfect person" they hired for the job I wanted before quit, and they begged me to apply again. Imagine their surprise when I told them no, that I had just accepted another position that paid better, and thanked them for their betrayal because it opened a door to me that I would have never known otherwise.

As a sidenote, I would also caution you on accepting offers from the people that betrayed you. Sometimes they will offer you "something different" in the way of making amends, but what they really want is to put you in a place that serves their advantage, and where they can keep you under their control. Anybody that's watched Game of Thrones or House of Cards knows how people in power can play this role - it is, in fact, often how they stay in control. Do yourself a favor and cut the string sooner rather than later. If they betrayed you once, they'll betray you again, and this "peace offering" is very likely just a way to keep you around as a scapegoat.

Yes, betrayal hurts, but do you really want to bind yourself to untrustworthy people? Be glad you found them out before you were really invested and they put you in a more compromising situation that could destroy a lot more of your life.

4. Be patient. This is the hardest, and yet the most essential, because we want them to see consequences right now. Trust me, any revenge from you will mean nothing. In fact, they expect it and have probably spent a great deal of time and energy figuring out how you're likely to react and how they'll neutralize you. Don't waste your time. In fact, making them squirm while they wonder when that shoe will drop is probably the best payback you can give them. Here's why:

Things have a funny way of working out. I'm not trying to offer up a pat platitude that "it's always darkest before the dawn," I'm simply stating a fact. What goes around, comes around. Betrayal puts a massive amount of ugly, bad energy out there, and it's circling around for them. The consequences that the world brings them for their dishonesty, schemeing, and breech of loyalty will speak to them a lot more than anything you can do, because they won't expect it or see it coming. I'm surprised at how few people understand this, but trust me: by getting and believing this simple point that your reap what you sow puts you at a tremendous advantage over most people. Be glad you won't be there when that ugly hits them in the face because it will, and it often comes back much worse than it went out. And, if you do what's right, then the good will come back to you.

Yes, betrayel hurts. I know many times over, and I know you do too because that's why you're reading this entry. The good news, though, is that people always behave in patterns, and once you know and recognize these patterns, you can deal with things much better.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

Joke's on Who?

4/1/2015

So Google Maps will let you play PacMan on the maps of city streets today. Well, the joke’s on them, because South Carolina driver’s have been using our roads like video games for years. Crossing Assembly Street in downtown Columbia on a normal day is just like a game of Frogger. Red lights mean nothing – the cars keep right on flying through the intersection as if they aren’t even there. And if you pass through Lexington County on a windy Thursday afternoon, it’s an exact replica of Donkey Kong as you weave in and out of empty garbage bins tumbling through the streets. Folks, we didn’t rank the worst drivers in the nation for nothing. Take a spin on die-20; I mean I-20, anytime. That’s Speedracer on a straight-a-way there. Well, most of the time, anyway. The problem this week is people parking in lanes of traffic. I'm not kidding - I've seen five cars parked in a lane of moving traffic in 3 days. Folks, I can't tell you how to drive, but I can tell you that if you want to park, please be considerate and do it in your garage. Some of us are driving because we're actually supposed to be somewhere!

I didn’t save my shenanagins for April Fool’s Day, either. Two days ago, somebody asked me about the benefits of ebooks, and I told them that it means you don’t stock your family and friend’s bookshelves with books they forgot that you loaned to them. And why did you put your bookplate in their book? The nerve of you! Game over there. Ditto on streaming video. Thank you, digital age, for putting a stop to memory defunct thievery of books and DVD’s! Not to mention it’s easier for you to access it anywhere, anytime, without the issue of carrying it around or finding a place to store it. I love technology, and that’s no joke!

Now I do have a bottle of nail polish that didn’t work out for me, and you’re welcome to that if you want to steal it. I only used it once, and even Chloe cringed when she saw it. I asked for pink. It looked pink. It went on my nails red. Plus, the stuff turned my nails yellow, so I’m waiting for my nails to “air out” and go back to normal. Joke’s on me. Lesson learned. I forsee me going into another “not messing with nail polish” phase now. My left heel is still healing from the plantar fascia, so I might just enjoy a break from nail polish until I’m ready for sandals again. Shouldn’t be much longer, as it’s healing faster this time.

At least it’s not as bad as the time we meant to paint our mud room in the old house soft yellow. It was a beautiful pastel in the can, and brighter than a solar flare once the paint dried. What the heck? Not only did we have to put blinds on the door window to keep from blinding our neighbors, but we needed sunglasses in that room. It was starting to fade a bit by the time we sold the house about 5 years later, but it was still brighter than Zack’s feathers. How does that happen? Is there alien DNA in paint? All I know is that it’s another way the joke was on us!

My Midland Weather Radio didn’t want to cooperate with me this morning. It registered dead batteries, which blew my mind because it’s plugged into the wall. Turns out, one end was plugged into the wall – and the other end was plugged into the headphone jack, so it’s been running on battery power for over a year! Dope! I keep messing up my passwords and pin numbers today too. Three days of housecleaning and cutting back on soft drinks are serving up scrambled brains. Now the house is clean, I’m sleeping better, and my pants are looser, but my mind is chaos. I need to get Humpty Dumpty back together before more shenanigans ensue, eh? It's already bad enough that I told the woman that pulled the parking stunt on me today to put her driver's license back in the Cracker Jack box she got it out of. Yes, I did. She made that mistake in a parking lot and then decided to strut in front of me going in the resturant. She was so horrified that she didn't say a word. I did it in front of my mother, too. I'm not very proud of that. But you have to admit that snapping was inevitable after experiencing such inconsiderate behavior in a motor vehicle five times in three days.

I try to make light of it, but the truth is that this hasn't been a good week. Everything collapsed on me at once, people are driving like selfish jerks, and it looks like I'm the only one with stuff to do. It's frustrating. I've got to get it together better! I know. I'm trying. Tomorrow is a new day with new mercies, and boy do I need them.

Watch your back for those annoying pranks today, from others or life itself. Then again, you may want to watch it everyday because life knows no date when it comes to pranking us …

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!