Blog Archives

Things Gone By

4/27/2012

I’ve had 2 people ask me if I miss working at my old department this week. I could understand if one person asked, but to have 2 people ask from completely different places does make it seem a bit odd. Another thing that makes it odd is that I was transferred almost 2 years ago. It seems to me that I wouldn’t be psychologically stable if I hadn’t adjusted to my current department in such a long period of time. But one of them pressed on and asked if I missed anything about the former place.

At that point, I naturally wondered if I was being baited for some reason. I honestly told them that I did have a couple of friends that I missed from time to time when I saw or heard things that reminded me of them, but the overall answer to the question is that I’m happy where I’m at and I wouldn’t go back even if I could. This is where I am, this is where I belong, and I’m 100% ok and happy with it.

It was a curious question, but I think I made a good admission. Things are always passing in and out of our lives, and it’s natural that we will miss some things. We miss people that have passed away or whose paths have diverged from our own. It’s natural to be nostalgic for what was from time to time and to miss things that have passed us by. And, of course, there are those “little blessings” along the way that we miss – things so little that sometimes we don’t realize it until they’re gone. For example, I miss:

1. My parakeets. Zack, Chloe and Ollie aren’t the first birds I’ve had. When I was in my teens, I had 3 budgies named Petsy, Samson, and Delilah. Funny thing is, I came upon them much the same as I came upon my current 3: We bought Samson, decided he was lonely so we got Delilah, and then adopted Petsy from my great-aunt when she had to go in a nursing home with Alzheimers. (Remember we got Zack, he got lonely so we got Chloe, then they found Ollie at Rick’s work and we wound out keeping him too.) Like our current 3, they each had a unique personality and were full of personality and spunk. They died in 1996 rather close together – Delilah of an infection in August, Petsy of pneumonia in October, and Samson probably died of heart failure (he was 13) two weeks after Petsy. I was so hurt when they died that I said “never again” to pets. Yea, right. We got Zack in 2000, and after we got Chloe and Ollie in 2010 I finally admitted that I’ll always have birds and will clean cages for the rest of my life. See http://conurecorner.weebly.com for more on my current flock. They even have a blog!

2. My 1993 Dodge Daytona. We all have that one car that’s just perfect, and this was mine: a metallic blue sports car I got just before high school graduation. I got it brand new and absolutely loved it. I drove it until late 2006 when someone hit me in the parking garage at work. Although it wasn’t a bad accident, the damage was bad enough that they couldn’t 100% fix it, especially since the last Daytona’s were made in 1994 and replacement parts were becoming scarce. I now drive a 2006 Grand Prix. I like it and am very satisfied with it, but it just doesn’t have that same “zing” that the Daytona had. And ironically, Pontiac died a few years after I got the Grand Prix – so it seems that whatever car I buy is doomed to be discontinued or the dealer will shut down altogether. Looks like the chances of me being a repeat customer are slim with this track record.

3. Cross stitching. A friend at my former workplace taught me how to cross stitch in 2004 and I absolutely loved it. I even got adventurous and did a large pattern of a dragon and wizard, which I entered in the 2009 State Fair. I didn’t win anything, but it’s still hanging over my mantle and I get a lot of compliments on it. I did a few projects after the dragon, including one of Jesus that graces our entry way, but getting published required more of my time because I had to add doing publicity to my already full schedule with a full time job, home, family, work, writing, and church activities. I had to cut several hobbies and I finally had to make the painful decision that this one had to go on an indefinite hiatus while I build up my writing. I fully intend to take it up again someday when my life is less busy but for now, I’m focused on building my lifelong dream of being a good, well-respected novelist.

4. Smallville and Supernatural on Thursday nights. Ok, it’s not so much the shows themselves as it is that we
designated Thursday night as our “TV Night” every week. It was very nice to have both shows that we watch come on back to back on the same night. Smallville wrapped up after 10 years last season, Supernatural comes on Fridays now, and the new show that we watch, “The Secret Circle” comes on Thursday nights. At any rate, I discovered that I’m usually done with household stuff and writing by 9PM, so having the shows on separate nights doesn’t crimp my style at all. And, as I said, we can always make Friday our TV night with the advantage of DVR, although it’s not completely the same.

5. Free time in the afternoon on weekdays. Wow, I didn’t appreciate what a precious gift that was until I graduated from college and was in a full time job. It’s rare too, only enjoyed by those in school and retirees. That was truly a “don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”situation for me. I fully appreciate it on days off, vacations and even sick days now.

And come to think of it, I missed one with that person I talked to about my former job. It’s not just the friends I miss. I also miss those outstanding ham subs they made in the canteen on Tuesdays and Fridays. I’ve checked everywhere and I’ve found close, but not as good as that!

The point is that I believe it’s natural to miss things with the changing nature of life, and that’s ok. Life takes us through many paths and seasons and it adds to the richness of our experiences. But we also need to be mindful of where we are and enjoy the blessings that we have, because you never know when things will change – and sometimes, things change quickly and with little warning. So be grateful for those things that have blessed you, but don’t live in the past. They added to who you are so you can appreciate the present.

That’s all for today. Happy Friday to you, and I hope you have a great weekend.

Bye!

Boom!

4/24/2012

Folks, it’s amazing I’m alive. I stepped on a landmine recently.

Yep, I sure did. I asked someone I know if they had spoken to a mutual acquaintance lately and was harshly accused of trying to pick a fight. After some ranting and admonitions about “minding my own business” they revealed that no, they hadn’t spoken to the person.

Well, pardon me.

How many times has that happened to you? You know what I mean. A memory trigger brings something to mind so you ask about it, only to be criticized for asking, or accused of being nosy, or being told to mind your own business. You didn’t realize that you were drifting into sacred territory – after all, it hadn’t been a sensitive issue before – but something changed and you get cut down for not knowing what you haven’t been told.

I know it does hurt. It’s downright rude and offensive. But in such situations, I think it’s important that we keep a valuable truth in mind: the harsh reactions are a protective mechanism. These reactions are as good as
renting a digital billboard saying “I have issues with this!” They think a harsh reaction will teach you to back off. They don’t realize that may work, but they’re also exposing a chink in their armor. I compare these attacks where there’s no threat to an allergic reaction: An innocent substance gets in your system but for some reason your body perceives it as a threat, so it reacts.

The truth is that we all have emotional issues that we hold close in order to protect ourselves. None of us are really an "open book" no matter how forthright and honest we are or strive to be. We all have things we keep in our innermost circle and don't invite others in. That's fine. There are certain things we should keep private. The problem is that some people stretch that inner circle to hold in more than others, oftentimes things that others don't have a problem sharing and even seek help and support in handling. How much we hold in is up to us, but we need to kill the correlation between the one thing that pricks us and the whole world being out to get us. Emotionally charged issues tend to cloud our judgement and scew our perspective to a point where we believe it really is all about us - and nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, most of the people in this world don't even know us, and a great number who do know us don't have an emotional investment in us. For all our trials and tribulations, we personally interact with a limited number of people at a time and believe it or not, most of them mean us no harm. Some (gasp!) might actually want to help and support us, and our knee jerk reactions to scare people away from sacred territory may scare them away. When emotions run high, it would behoove us to realize that, in the words of the late, great C.S. Lewis, "sometimes an apple is just an apple." Believe it or not, there aren't double meanings or ulterior motives to everything under the sun.

I think the best thing to do in these cases is to back off. We all tend to cut others off from very emotionally sensitive issues and if a person chooses to do that then it’s disrespectful to try to bully your way in. It’s a shame, especially when you want to help and support them. But if they choose to shut others out and suffer alone, well, it’s best to respect their wishes and let them. After all, you can’t force people to open up, seek help or do the right thing. Sometimes the best you can do is back off and continue with the rest of your life.

And as for the person I unintentionally angered, well, I am sorry. I see the “keep out” sign now and believe
me, I certainly will. I’ll give you the space you desire, but realize the ball's in your court. It’s your responsibility to let me know when or if the landmine is diffused.

That’s all for today. I hope you enjoy the video inspiration to go along with this entry below. Bye!

Who's The Bad Guy?

4/22/2012

Sometimes it can be difficult to know just who the villian is. The fact is that we all have reasons for doing what we do. So what is it that determines who's the hero and who's the villian?

I believe it boils down to one thing: motive. Why does a person do what they do? Is it to benefit themselves, other people, the "greater good of all," or to harm others? These are the basic motivators for all behavior. And sometimes it can be difficult to discern exactly where that motivation lies.

It would be easy to say that pure motives always win the day, but it's not so simple. Sure, it's obivous that a person is a villian when they do something with the intention of hurting other people or sabatoging situations, but such cases are rare, even in fiction, because life isn't so black and white. Sometimes we can believe we're doing what's right, and be dead wrong because we have wrong information, thoughts or motivations. Sometimes what seems dead wrong can be the right thing. And sometimes people do the right thing and are punished for it because they're working with people or situations based on wrong beliefs and motives. The goal isn't the overall good or what's right, but protecting and supporting "the right people." I think anybody that's ever had a job can attest to this one, as office politics exist everywhere and can rear their ugly heads in a number of ways. Yes, there are laws against some things, but you'd be appalled at how people have found ways through loopholes and red tape to get what they want in ways that are morally questionable but still perfectly legal. Anywhere But Here hits on this very theme, and Blurry even hits on it in a way too but showing how thin that line between right and wrong is, and how easy it is to manipulate it.

Pure motive doesn't just mean doing what's morally right. It also means knowing the truth and acting on it, whether you like it or not. It means that sometimes making the decision to do the right thing is the hard decision, because it's not a quick or easy path, and it may not be to our benefit in the short term. I can speak from experience on this one - my job move 2 years ago was definitely done entirely for the benefit of others with no consideration given to what was best for me. It was 100% about what others wanted and what benefited them. I chose to go along because I believed it was right for a greater purpose and that it would work out to benefit me too in the end - but I had to put the desires and needs of others before my own because, well, the situation forced it. Sure, I could have fought it, but I believed that the disadvantage I suffered in the short term would lead to a greater good for everybody, myself included - and it did. It wasn't an easy road but I wouldn't do it differently and in fact, am glad it happened and that things have worked out to put everybody in a better place. So far, it has truly wound out to be one of those situations where everybody did win, and I appreciate how rare that is. But 2 years ago I had no assurances of it, and had to take it on faith that my temporary discomfort and suffering would lead to something better.

I think the bottom line is that the world is full of shades of grey, and the only way to get to what's right is a mix of accepting the truth of reality and using discernment. Unfortunately, such a balance is only struck with time, life experience and wisdom - but it can happen. You just have to be willing to open your eyes, ask the right questions, and accept the answers. If you're wrong, you have to be willing to learn from your mistakes and be able to move on with that valuable wisdom. And for goodness sake, please do NOT keep making the same mistakes over and over. Remember: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. It's not gonna happen, folks. Miracles can happen, but not if you're an igit walking in ignorance and selfish motives.

I believe the biggest thing I'd like for you to take from this blog series is that there aren't predetermined limits or roles. We always want to beleive that we're right, but the truth is that in reality we will be both the hero and the villian. It depends on where we find ourselves in the situation and what our motives are - and on who's telling the story.

Thanks for joining me on this impromptu blog series on villians. It's been extremely helpful to me in brainstorming and forming a plan for my next novel, and I hope you've enjoyed being on this journey with me. I'll certainly keep you posted on my progress with this project, my published novels, and everything else in the rabbit hole of my life.

Take care and enjoy the remainder of your weekend.

Bye!

Time to Get Wicked

4/19/2012

There's no use denying it - we all have a dark side. And we know just when it's time to unleash it. It's those times when life kicks you when you're down. When you try and try to do it right, and just stay locked in place or worse, you're passed by those doing wrong. When you just can't seem to get ahead no matter how hard you try. When you can't find a break and your patience is down to it's last shred. It's when the PITA's in life are beyond dealing with in a civilized manner and, as Dad says, it's time to put on the boots and start kicking some butt.

PITA's, by the way, are a handy acronym we've come up with at work. It stands for "Pain In The A**"

And "butt" is absolutely not the word in your vocabulary at these times, but I am trying to keep it PG-13 rated, even if I'm approaching this issue from an angle that no pastor, psychologist, therapist, or other any other type of spiritual leader or mental health professional would ever endorse. But, as I often say, reality isn't pretty and sometimes, it's downright obscene. The dirty truth I'm dealing with in this entry is that we all have a dark side, and life does have a way of bringing it out. I think it's best to acknowledge it. In fact, I think the key to making your way through the PITA's of life is to understand your dark side and know how to deal with it.

Yes, we know that there's a right way and a wrong way to do things. We know we should be patient and knowing that doing what's right will always win in the long run. But sometimes, you have to get aggresive, and this is where that elusive "dark side" comes in. If you are being taken for granted, walked all over, mistreated, used, or abused then you've come to that time to get wicked and it's absolutely right to step out and be aggresive. This can be a very hard thing, especially for Christians, because people assume that we're supposed to be meek and mild and take whatever life and the world throws at us. People expect us to stay quiet because they assume it's sinful to get angry, but the truth is that this is a handy excuse for them to use to justify treating us badly. They don't remember that Jesus turned over moneychangers tables outside the temple (I think that's awesome, by the way.) They say "oh, the Bible says 'in your anger, do not sin,' but misinterpret that to mean it's a sin to be angry (even though it clearly says not to sin in anger, which removes anger as justification for sin and doesn't make anger the sin). They stereotype us as lambs and forget there are lions in the kingdom too. So when they run across somebody like me, they're shocked when I say "fine you wanna play, let's play" and I turn into a holy terror.

Yes, I said it. I can be a holy terror when I'm angry. The problem is not a matter of retaliation. It's actually an issue of me being mischievous. I'm a writer, and a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology too so I do strategize how I deal with PITA's. For example, did you know that when most people get ticked off at you, they treat you in ways that irritate the hell out of them? A person that loves to be the center of attention will stop speaking to you and cut you off. A person that hates confrontation will be passive aggresive and will stab you in the back. A person that's a prideful bigshot will cause a scene or confront you. But I don't do that. I watch people to find what annoys them most and then I do it. I think it's part of a mischievous streak, really. What's really amusing is when I find some little thing that irritates the hell out of somebody and I do it, over and over again, and they're getting really mad but they're afraid to say anything because they know it will make them look stupid but it's wearing them thin. For example, I knew someone once that didn't like to leave a place until it was spic and span and everything was in it's place. So I'd go in while they were in the bathroom before leaving and leave a pile of mail on the table, or forward them an email when I heard keys jingle. They'd grumble and everybody else would say "what's the big deal? There's always tomorrow to do it. Don't worry about it."

I know, doing things like this wasn't right and my motives were terrible, but the point was made in a very powerful way. People came to appreciate the "do unto others" commandment with a new appreciation when they pissed me off. Just ask the salesman that tried to grab me leaving the grocery store a few months ago. I fended him off, he yelled at me to "not be like that," and, well, I unloaded on him. My husband went back to the store 10 minutes later to have his own words with this gentleman and he was gone. The guy tried to make a scene on me and I screamed right back at him about not being out there harassing customers and grabbing people. Then I complained to the manager and the main headquarters. Well heck, he wanted to play big and make a scene, so I took him on.

And, of course, you all remember the entry that opened this series about the false allegation that someone made at my previous job about shredding documents. I shut that one down in a minute. They said they had to protect the complaintant, I said I had to protect myself and I would be seeing an attorney now, and that was all she wrote.

People often ask me if I feel bad about acting this way. Sometimes I do, but the simple fact of the matter for me, and for everybody else in such situations, is that it boils down to motives. It is always wrong to attack people in any way, shape or form and you are 100% justified in defending yourself. If your motives are defense and setting things right, as in my false accusations thing above, that wasn't wrong. Neither was my reaction to the salesman, because folks, I have my CWP, I WAS packing, and if he got his hands on me then I could have easily argued that I felt threatened because I perceived it as a physical attack, especially since I told him "no thanks" when I came in. I chose to attempt a non-physical resolution to the matter. He may not agree, but he only left with his pride hurt that day. It could have been a very ugly situation if I hadn't chosen to use discernment and good, common sense in the situation. Just look at the Zimmerman case in Florida.

Now messing up the person's office - ok, that was wrong. That was all about she was always trying to put me down, so I struck back by irritating her. My motives there were not right and I repent, even if it was funny.

So the secret to my dark side is out. I'm trying to channel my tendencies toward mischief and outright irritation to the PITA's of the world the right way, but, well, it's a work in progress.

The point of this entry is that you can't deny you have a dark side, because every human being does. We can only take so much and if we're pushed too far, well, it's time to get wicked. Just try to make sure you at least get wicked with right motives. I know that sounds completely counterintuitive, but it's right. Sometimes the truth and what's right seems wrong. It takes discernment to know the difference - and that's a good lead into the next entry.

That's all for today. Happy Friday to you tomorrow. In closing, I'd like to share a video of my favorite song by one of my favorite bands here. It just feels appropriate for this entry, and these times and people in life. Enjoy!

Who's the Enemy?

4/16/2012

That's a good question, because villians are usually very good at hiding themselves. Indeed, people have become very proficient at hiding their flaws and blaming their mistakes on others through a variety of what psychologists call "defense mechanisms." They started in the Garden of Eden when Adam said "this woman you gave me made me do it" and it's been downhill ever since that first shifting of blame. The problem is, there are only a limited number of ways to make this work and while you can mix it up, it all boils down to a few basic things.

First is shifting the blame, as we saw above. People refuse responsibility for their actions and claim "it's not my fault! It's somebody elses fault!" I've heard this is a common reason why, as the joke goes, there are no guilty people in jail. All victims of unfortunate circumstances caused by others - or so their lawyers claim. That's a drastic example, of course, as it doesn't take a criminal that winds out being interviewed on Dateline to use this one. I've heard countless variations from "so and so said they'd take care of it and I trusted them!" to "oh, they're trying to help. I'm sure there's a reason they took my ten thousand dollars and disappeared. They must be looking so hard and too busy to keep in touch!" to "well, I trusted YOU to make the decision and you made a bad one!" Sadly, I have known some people that live their entire lives in a state of refusing responsibility and shifting blame. They don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions and decisions, so they do nothing unless someone else tells them to. It's "oh, I had such a great idea!" if it succeeds and (more likely) "woe is me, I never get a break" if it doesn't or worse, if they get taken advantage of. Which happens often because predators can sniff out emotionally weak people that don't want to take control of their lives and usually prey on that until they suck them dry. It's really a very dangerous defense mechanism.

Another one is projection. This is when you project what you think/feel/do on someone else because you don't want to admit that you or somebody close to you does it. I'm often prey to this one. Probably because if people try to shift the blame to me I'll outright say "it's not my fault if you made an active decision not to think for yourself." (Folks, I have done this.) This is usually a sneaky one because they aren't confrontational about it - they want to be sly because they don't want to tip you off. For example, one time I found out that someone I knew hadn't told me about something big that happened in their life. When I asked why she didn't tell me, she said "oh, I didn't want people to gossip." I replied "do you think I'm a gossip?" She set her face and said "I don't want people talking. Everybody doesn't need to know everything." I knew right away what happened. She hadn't been ready for her "secret" to be told and had only told a couple of people she had been friends with for a long time. The fact that I found out meant one of them had been gossiping, and she didn't want to admit it, so she tried to shift the blame to me. And let me tell you, she didn't speak to me for about two months when I pointed out that one of her confidants were the ones that spilled it to me. She just didn't want to believe a good friend would betray her trust, so she tried to pretend like it was someone else (anyone else!) by accusing the people that found out second hand of being gossips (I found out later that she'd had the same reaction to several other people). The trick may have protected her from feeling betrayed, but it didn't do much to win her more friends or influence people in a positive way.

A third way villians shift blame is dissociation. In a nutshell, this refers to what we commonly call "busybodies" and "troublemakers." These are people that are addicted to drama and work behind the scenes to stir up trouble and then disappear when it all blows up, playing the meek, weak person saying "oh my, all I want is peace!" That is an act, because people given to dissociation are usually dangerous. Remember that Satan is another one that only wants peace - as long as it's his kind, and these people fall in that same category. They will stop at nothing to get what they want and see other people as nothing but tools to torque the world to their will. Their purposes for stirring up trouble are varied - perhaps so they can come in and "save the day" so they can be hailed as a hero, or perhaps to turn people against one another to keep them out to keep lies from being exposed, or maybe because they just have a habit of making bad decisions and they lie and try to turn people against one another to hide their mistakes. Folks, if you haven't crossed paths with one of these then you're destined to someday because it's one we ALL struggle with at one time or another. The reason is because people prone to dissociation are no respecters of persons - remember, people are tools to them - so they will try to prey on anybody.

These types are extremely frustrating because they can wiggle out of situations and disappear from blame with the skill of a mage. There are only two ways to deal with these types: Avoidance, or catching them red handed. You literally have to stay the hell out of their way or catch them in the middle of a trap of their own making. Let me tell you, I have managed to do this once or twice (in 36 years, which tells you how difficult it is) and it's never pretty. When you catch them you win, but it's at a price because these take casualties. Like the devil, they aren't going down alone and they will take everybody they can get a claw in down with then. The problem is that there are some people you can't avoid or cut from your life, so if you have the misfortune of finding a dissociative type in your inner circle then catching them is the only solution. The good news is that deception doesn't last forever and truth does eventually show itself, so they will be exposed eventually and you better be alert and ready to act at just the right moment. The bad news, as I said, is that it's gonna hurt like hell because they'll make sure it does. But it's a price worth paying.

These are just a a few of the defense mechanisms that people use to shift blame, and one that we usually see in villians both in the real world and in fiction. In fact, knowing this can make reading very interesting, because you can look for these mechanisms at work in the books or stories you're reading and use it as a way to discern who the real bad guy is. And it works in real life too, of course.

In my next entry I'll discuss your own dark side. Because folks, we all have one whether we want to admit it or not. And knowing it can be interesting.

That's all for today. Take care and have a good week.

Bye!

When YOU'RE the Villian

4/13/2012

Villians may make the story, but let me ask you - what happens when YOU'RE the villian? It is possible to sabatoge yourself and self help experts and gurus will be the first to say that very often, the only thing we fight more than other people is ourselves.

It's true that we can fall into bad thought and behavior patterns that can sabatoge our own best efforts. In fact, this is a topic I'm pondering for my next book. The idea I'm working on is about a woman that compromises her integrity While she does struggle with other people and there will be a clear antagonist that will aid her in this endeavor, the true enemy is herself. The real battle is in how her thoughts and perceptions influence her actions and attitudes. And, in my classic fashon, it will turn toward mystery with a supernatural creature (I'm considering a djinn), a way-out-there-where-the-hell-did-that-come-from turn of events and, of course, a twist somewhere. Geeze, I hope I'm not becoming my own worst enemy by becoming cliche or (gulp!) predictable after 4 books. Hmm, it might be time to mix it up a bit. We shall see.

I feel this is a good theme to run with because I've seen it over and over, not only in other people but in myself. We all have tendencies that work against us, and the devil loves to use them. Fear is a pretty universal one that we all struggle with. We get scared and that pushes us in all kinds of places we don't intend to go: Stagnation, laziness, complacancy - heck, I call fear "the devil's shovel" because it's a handy tool he uses in us to dig those ruts we find ourselves in.

Our emotions can also get us into trouble. Whether we realize it or not, emotions are learned. YES THEY ARE! When we have an emotional response to something the first time it happens, we tend to continue to have THE EXACT SAME RESPONSE every time it happens after that. They can become conditioned. For example: You have an annoying friend that tends to call you every Tuesday at 3:00. Tuesdays are busy and you tried to explain that but they don't get it, so after the first 2 calls you grow annoyed with them. So how do you feel the third week when the telephone rings at 3:00? You get annoyed, right? Before you even pick it up, you associate a 3:00 call on a Tuesday with that person that annoys you, and just the sound of that phone ringing at that time makes you angry. Maybe you wise up on Week #3 and don't answer but you're still angry when the phone rings. How dare them, you think, without even answering this week - but still, you're mad because they made you mad the last 2 weeks. So we do learn many of our emotional responses.

Another way we sabatoge ourselves is through wrong thoughts. This falls into that same pattern where we learn emotional responses. We do something and one or two people have an unfavorable response to it, so we avoid it in the future because "that doesn't work out." This is something I struggled with a lot when I went through my job transfer. I was at my former place a long time, so when I moved I tended to assume the people at the new place would have the same reactions and attitudes as the people at the old place. For example, the former place where I worked didn't think much of my writing. They didn't like it and even told me that it wasn't company related and to keep it out of the office. So when I moved I assumed my new colleagues would feel the same. I had to fill out a "dual employment" form when I got my book contract for Blurry, so I turned it in as quietly as possible. Imagine my surprise when my boss called me in her office and asked me to tell her more about my writing! She loved that I was doing it. In fact, it turns out that many other people there have "side ventures" and the agency regularly featured these on their internal website - they even featured me when Blurry was released and shared the link to my Amazon.com profile. (In fact, they sent out an email earlier this week asking if anybody had news or accomplishments to report so they could celebrate it at our employee appreciation picnic in a few weeks.) I was absolutely shocked by how enthusiastic and supportative my colleagues were, especially when I spent so many years in a place where I was ordered to keep it quiet. It took a while for me to get used to that, but it also made me realize the other areas where I had wrong thoughts. Even after 2 years I still struggle with that and have to stop and tell myself "remember, they aren't the same people and don't see things the same way. Be fair." Thank Got I realize it and am working through it.

Yes, there are many ways we can be our own worst enemy, and we really have to guard against that. Sometimes we even project our own faults and reactions on others - but this entry is long enough, so let's save that for next time!

I'll close with a challenge - think about it. Are there any ways where you are your own worst enemy? Do you have thoughts or reactions that work against you? Think it over. It's worth it because really, these are easy things to correct. Often just stopping and realizing it is the path to breaking the pattern.

That's all for today. Happy Friday and I hope you have a great weekend.

Bye!

The Villians Make the Story

4/10/2012

I'd like to expand on something I said in my last blog entry about how "the villians make the story." We don't actively think about, but it's true that without the villians there would be no story - not in real life or in fiction. That's one thing they share in common. After all, where's the excitement in just another day? There's not much, is there? In fact, we have a term for long periods of time without resistance. We call it a rut.

That's not to say that problems are desirable. Heck no. I could do with fewer "adventures" in my life, truth be told. But the fact of the matter is that we grow when we have resistance. It's the tough times, struggles, and pain in the butt people where we learn and grow the most. That's not a truth many of us want to face, but it is a truth. Look back over your life, and I'll be the times you learned the most were during your greatest struggles. It was true for me. I took a lot of lessons from those instances I described in my last entry. I learned how to stand up for myself, how to stand up for what's right, and how to deal with fragile egos (because frankly, a lot of those problems went to a root of fragile egos addicted to approval). I learned not to fear change and to have confidence in myself and my abilities no matter what other people thought or said about me, and that strength gave me the confidence to build a house, successfully move to and integrate into a new office, and to publish 4 books (and some inspiration for said books too). To put it bluntly, manure is a fertilizer and fertilizer makes things grow. If you learn from your experiences and use those lessons to better yourself then you will be prepared for greater blessings ahead. So think of the crap you deal with as the stimulus to grow your spirit and take you to new heights.

I know, that's not a pretty metaphor. Frankly, it stinks. (Oh, another bad joke). But it's relevant and you have to admit that it's not a cliche comparisome. And you won't forget it either, will you?

Anyway, back to the point ...

I believe the series finile of "Smallville" hit it close to the mark when Lex Luthor told Clark Kent "I used to think your friends defined a man. But it's actually enemies that define a man." I believe that's a bit extreme and one sided, but it has a grain of truth. Our enemies, or rather the people we find ourselves clashing with and struggling against, do have a certain amount of definition to our own lives because they are often dark images of ourselves. I've blogged in previous entries about how each of us tends to be a magnant for people that are our polar opposite and that the people we struggle with tend to have a common root issue - for example, with me it seems there are always jealous, petty people around. I can't seem to get rid of them. And the reason I struggle with them is because I want to be my best and help others be their best. Therein lies my own Lex Luthor. We all have one and if you look at the people you're in strife with, I'll bet you'll see that same dark image of yourself in them. The real story and lessons lie in how we deal with them. Do you fight to win, stand your ground, or swat them away like a bug and keep on keeping on. There is no one right answer becase it depends on who and what you're dealing with. I had to stand my ground and occationally fight the last ones in my life, but the answer for the present ones seems to be ignoring them. Just keep doing my thing and let them seeth and have their pity party all alone because I'm busy and have stuff to do.

That's why every experience is different. It's because you can have the same situation and a different answer due to the context of the situation. The last jealous people I dealt with feared confrontation and avoided it, so fighting forced them to do something they found so unpleasant that they'd back off. But the ones in my life now live for and absolutely love the fight and the challenge it brings. They hate to be ignored - so I ignore them. As I said before, different context = different solution. And the same principle applies in fiction as in real life.

Yes, the villians do make the stories. It's provides the catalyst to grow and learn in real life. It provides the plot in fiction. Because without villians, there is no story. There is no growth. there is no spark to life.

So don't be too hard on those pain in the butt people. After all, they can be quite useful if you know how to utilize them correctly. In fiction and in reality.

That's all for today. Take care and have a good week.

Bye!

Anywhere But Here Released Today!

4/2/2012

Well, you can't beat coming home from a hell of a day at work to find out that your book has been released. Hooray! After 2 years of blood, sweat and tears, Jana Lanning's tale is released to the world. Anywhere But Here was released today.

I'm really excited about this book, because I feel it's one we can all relate to. We've all gone through those life transitions. We've all gone through tough times when life kicks us in the rear, over and over again. We've all wondered if the crappy luck will ever end, and if that light we see is the end of the tunnel or an oncoming train. Yes, we've all been there and this book shows one woman's struggle through one of life's valleys.

By the way, I want to share with you that this is the book that I got tendinitis writing 2 years ago. Yep, this is the one that ripped 2 tendons in my wrist. And while I may recoup the cost of the splint I was in for nearly 2 months, I will never be compensated for the snake in the driveway that I couldn't kill because of a weak arm. But that's another story for another day.

Anyway, I thank you all for your support as I've made this journey to publication and hope this is a tale that will bless and inspire others. Here's praying it will reach out, as I always hoped it would.

Take care and have a good week.

Bye!