Hi everybody, I hope you had a safe and fun Independence Day. Most of all, I hope you were able to stay cool to enjoy the long weekend, as the entire country was under a heat dome. Yikes! It used to not be like that. I actually offered some tips on managing the heat in my latest video, which you can check out here.
Since we’re on the topic of staying cool when things heat up, I want to talk about another topic that’s come up repeatedly this month. I’ve had three people talk to me about people getting angry at them because they refused to do huge “favors” that they were unwilling or unable to comply with. While most of these conversations revolved around routine things (jobs, volunteer activities), at least one had the potential to actually end a relationship. The common thread I found in all of these things was a simple concept from the 19th century that I thought most people knew, but obviously don’t. So for the sake of helping all of you overwhelmed, overworked middle-age women who just need a break every now and then, here’s the secret to getting people to do what you want:
What’s in it for me?
The origin of this idiom is unknown, but it’s been around over 100 years, which means it’s significant. If you want people to help you out, then you need to offer them something in return of equal value to them. It’s basic psychology reflecting our cultural attitude toward self-interest, and it still applies because people are still up to their eyeballs trying to hold together their own life. If you want people to put aside their regular routine and expectations, you have to offer to return something to them that provides:
I know. We’re supposed to help one another BECAUSE IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. The problem is that what’s right in one situation might not be right in another. And then there’s the human tendency to push boundaries, and to become increasingly co-dependent when people enable others who take advantage of “doing the right thing.” The “what’s in it for me” removes that ambiguity by assuring you that the person asking values you as a human, and not as a tool to get what they want – especially in a society that encourages and rewards relationships only as functions to build up the self.
And really, considering what's in it for the other person is the right thing to do. If I make an ask of you, I should be willing to reciprocate. I should want to because our relationship matters, and I want to make your life better because you make my life better. We should help each other grow, because relationships aren’t tools you store in a box, and pull out at need. They’re living, breathing things that need to be nurtured and developed with regular care and attention.
That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.
Bye!
Since we’re on the topic of staying cool when things heat up, I want to talk about another topic that’s come up repeatedly this month. I’ve had three people talk to me about people getting angry at them because they refused to do huge “favors” that they were unwilling or unable to comply with. While most of these conversations revolved around routine things (jobs, volunteer activities), at least one had the potential to actually end a relationship. The common thread I found in all of these things was a simple concept from the 19th century that I thought most people knew, but obviously don’t. So for the sake of helping all of you overwhelmed, overworked middle-age women who just need a break every now and then, here’s the secret to getting people to do what you want:
What’s in it for me?
The origin of this idiom is unknown, but it’s been around over 100 years, which means it’s significant. If you want people to help you out, then you need to offer them something in return of equal value to them. It’s basic psychology reflecting our cultural attitude toward self-interest, and it still applies because people are still up to their eyeballs trying to hold together their own life. If you want people to put aside their regular routine and expectations, you have to offer to return something to them that provides:
- Time,
- Money, or
- Solves a problem.
I know. We’re supposed to help one another BECAUSE IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. The problem is that what’s right in one situation might not be right in another. And then there’s the human tendency to push boundaries, and to become increasingly co-dependent when people enable others who take advantage of “doing the right thing.” The “what’s in it for me” removes that ambiguity by assuring you that the person asking values you as a human, and not as a tool to get what they want – especially in a society that encourages and rewards relationships only as functions to build up the self.
And really, considering what's in it for the other person is the right thing to do. If I make an ask of you, I should be willing to reciprocate. I should want to because our relationship matters, and I want to make your life better because you make my life better. We should help each other grow, because relationships aren’t tools you store in a box, and pull out at need. They’re living, breathing things that need to be nurtured and developed with regular care and attention.
That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.
Bye!
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