Blog Archives

Dealing With The "I've Been Meaning To --" List

6/29/2016

I think the most common phrase I’ve heard over the past few weeks is “I’ve been meaning to do that.” There’s something about deadlines that reminds people of the things they’ve been putting off until a better time comes. Unfortunately, it reminds everybody at the same time, which makes “crunch time” crunch a bit harder when it could have been spread out over a longer period of time if people had acted sooner rather than later.

The truth is that we all do it. There’s only so much time, and once the necessities are taken care of, we have to prioritize how we use the time that’s left. There’s also an issue of resources available: if you don’t have them, you may have to wait to gather them, and that requires you to make a long term decision on whether to meet this goal. Whether it’s a limit of time or resources, some things have to be deferred until later or dismissed – and nobody wants to be a quitter, which means that the deferral list tends to grow. Defer too long, and it takes the demands of time running out to force you to make a decision on whether to act or let it go. That’s not a comfortable position to be in, and yet it happens all too often in our complicated, busy lifestyles.

The trick is how to reign this in, and different things work for different people. I like to take stock once a week to check that “I’ve been meaning to do that” list to determine what things are still feasible, and what needs to be let go. I recently had to let go of a small cross stitch project for somebody when I messed it up so badly that I couldn’t get the gift to them in time. I made the same mistake that we all make of misjudging time. If I had thought of it and started sooner, I would have been able to salvage it, but I put other things ahead of it, and in the end, I failed. On the other hand, I recently realized that I need to clean out my cedar chest, and I want to do that by creating a scrapbook to reign in a lot of the notes, clippings, programs, etc in there. The issue is that I plan to work on my writing in July, so I decided to make that my crafting project for August. It’s going to be a big one, but I hope that I can get it done the next time I shift from writing to promotion. It’s on the schedule, but I’m purposely delaying it until a time when I know I’ll be able to focus on it almost exclusively.

Other people may employ other methods. I’ve tried making a list, and knocking out something when I have time to do it. I’ve also tried designating a certain period of time (like a few days or a week) to knock out the “I’ve Been Meaning To –“ list. This didn’t work well, because it’s hard to block out large periods of time for personal projects with a full time job, a home, exercise, writing, family stuff, etc – maybe it would work for others, but I couldn’t seem to handle it. It seems that most people deal with this with the infamous “Bucket List.” They make a master list of things they want to do before they die, and they knock items off it when opportunity arises. That forces you to focus on the “big picture” which can help with prioritizing what really matters, but I’m not comfortable with making my demise the focus of my achievement or reaching my goals. I want to do things to enjoy life, not to knock them off a list before I die. But I guess others see it in a different light.

I say do what works for you, but please just do it. Don’t wait until time forces your hand. In the end, you’ll do it or you won’t. Better to make the decision sooner when you have more control, rather than later when you’re at the mercy of uncontollable elements.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!

Storytime

6/23/2016

I recently read a book about a 15 year old boy who retreats into a magical world after being put in an institution after his grandmother could no longer care for him. One thing I found interesting about this book is how the boy was magically whisked away when reality became too much for him to bear. The central question of this novel, of course, was whether the boy was insane, or was he actually being taken to an alternate world.

Another interesting element is how the adults were horrified at the fact that this boy would retreat in his own world, when we do it ourselves to escape reality. Why is it that when children seek to escape reality, we’re quick to assume insanity, while an adult’s desire to do the same thing is given much wider parameters of interpretation?
The truth is that we all retreat into our own worlds from time to time. The success of Netflix is proof that people want that escape on a regular basis, and they want to do it on their terms. I’ll venture further to say the increasing number of ebooks from self published authors (like myself) speaks to the desire to create new worlds so we can escape our own, whether through writing themselves or reading them, again, at an affordable rate and on a convenient device. It used to be that we had to go to the movie theater or the library or bookstore to find these escapes. Now, we have them streaming in our own home, and available at the tips of our fingers through ereaders and/or mobile devices. And binge watching TV series has become a sport of it’s own. Before Netflix, sitting in front of the television for an entire day was considered excessive. Not so anymore – in fact, people brag about it.

This retreat into fiction is a healthy coping mechanism. We do need to get away, and delving into worlds other than our own is good for us. It not only helps us to relax and forget our stress, but it could give us insights that we can take back into our reality by presenting perspectives outside of ourselves that we can only accept through fiction. The overwhelming response to last week’s episode of Game of Thrones (Battle of the Bastards) is a great example of this. I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve heard say that it was disturbing and dark, yet ultimately satisfying. I’ll go further to articulate why: it spoke to our innate sense of justice. We don’t like seeing the bad guys win, and after seasons of seeing it happen, the violent ending to several villains that have plagued that world was a relief to finally see them reap what they sowed. This doesn’t make the viewers that liked that episode bad. It means the show spoke to deeper senses within them at levels they can relate to. If we all went back to our lives after seeing that with a better sense of how we react and cope with the injustice in our own lives, then that artistic representation broadened our horizons in a way that reality couldn’t.

Of course, there are limits. One must be able to distinguish the difference between fiction and reality, and while it may seem that it should be obvious, it isn’t always with the increase in “fandoms” out there. I think what it really boils down to is this: the things we love in fiction should be one part of a full life, and should be kept in balance. Once that binge watching affects your ability to keep up with the reality around you, then it’s time to use some discernment in knowing if it’s time to turn off the TV or ereader, and to actively deal with the life that you have. You’ve got to do it sooner or later, anyway. The point, as it always is, is balance.

That’s all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

That's Always The Way

6/18/2016

I remember a line in Stephen King's The Stand, where one of the characters laments that years would go by with nothing to mark the passage of time except the occasional holiday - and then, all of a sudden, everything happens. The character said "you wish you could take all of that happening at once and spread it over the previous five years when nothing stood out more than 4th of July and Christmas Day so it would be easier to deal with."

I've been feeling that passage this week. It's already been a heavy season of celebration: parenting holidays, anniversaries, graduations, and a retirement are all happening when the workload (and demands) are at their peak in anticipation of upcoming deadlines and the 4th of July holiday. It seems that's always when you're called upon to be generous, to be patient, to be kind, to put on that superhero cape and save the world. When it takes all you've got just to get through the day - yea, that's when it explodes. As a post I saw on social media said, it makes you feel like you're one dumb*** from losing it. You try, you win some days, and other days, you blow it and you know it and you wish the world would just go ahead and end already to put us all out of our misery - until you realize that once you get through this, there's literally going to be NOTHING left to do because everybody is pushing for it all to happen RIGHT NOW.

I believe these tests of patience come on purpose. Honestly, it has to be come kind of algorithm of the universe that makes it happen, because you can bet your bottom dollar that when you're at your busiest, that's when the needs grow exponentially. I would have much rather have adopted a new parrot any week but this one, but the opportunity came and I had to act, no matter what it took to make it work out. Thankfully, we're getting there. I'm delighted to have a third bird (again) and while it would have been easier for me two months ago or a month from now, it is what it is, and you can't alter reality, the universe, God's will, or fate.

The thing going for us is life experience. These "crunch times" always pass, and I figure a very boring July is coming up if we can just get through the 4th of July making everybody insane like it always does. I know I'm looking forward to shifting from promotion to working on Books 2 and 3 of The Earthside Trilogy again once I get through this season of celebration. I'm Father's Day, a retirement, and the 4th of July insanity away from it. Don't worry - I'm sneaking in some room to breathe in there, but I'm not saying where or how, lest the universe (or people) see it as a challenge.

And that entry on escaping reality is coming. My poor brain is just at capacity now. I've been sorely tempted to say to hell with it and start the writing revisions/edits now, but I know that would be an exercise in frustration that would not be good for me (and as a result, anybody else that has to be around me, which are a lot of people these days). So I'll wait until life settles again.

That's all today. Take care, have a Happy Father's Day tomorrow, and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Is There Hope?

6/13/2016

The good news is, we don’t have to be doomed. In fact, it doesn’t have to be this way at all because the truth is that we – that’s right, you and me – have the power to change things for the better. It’s rather simple, too. I just didn’t get to it in last night’s entry because I was angry that this has happened yet again, and I was in a hurry to get that out before Game of Thrones came on. Hey, we all need an escape from the chaos of reality, right? But that’s another blog entry. For now, how do we harness the power? There are two ways:

First – stop empowering media attention. These attackers know they’ll get a tremendous amount of media attention for themselves and their views, and they play it to the maximum. Everybody in this day and time is desensitized to the horrors of life, and they know they have to “go big” to get attention. The problem is that we fall for it every single time, from the reporters to ourselves clicking on those news links. This is truly a case where what we allow continues, so we simply need to stop allowing it. Perpetrators of these heinous crimes should never get a headline article on themselves – ever. In fact, the only time they should be mentioned in the media at all is to say who did it, and report updates on the investigation and trial. That’s it. We need to stop doing exposes on their life and beliefs. We need to stop interviewing their family members and friends in the media – let the law enforcement community do that, and keep the findings out of the public. We shouldn’t know or care any more about who these people are/were than we do about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day.

I’ve made a personal pledge to not read or watch any reports that sensationalize the event. Once they stop reporting facts on the actual case and start turning the perpetrator into a celebrity, I turn click or turn it off. I’ll watch reports on the victims, law enforcement efforts, and heroes that help, but once you talk about the attacker, I’m gone.

Second – open your eyes to the world around you. I once read that if everybody contributed something to one personal cause they believe in (be it time, talent, or money), then every need in the world would be met. Why do we wait for tragedy to strike before we become altruistic? We should be committed to keeping resources ready so they can move at need. Don’t wait to be shocked into action by a radical or a natural disaster. Make giving a part of your routine life. Find that one cause you believe in, and support it regularly. Even if you just give to your church like I do, you're empowering THEM to help others through your support. It’s more effective to save the people/animals/world every day than it is to line up for a charity drive when life has already happened.

Maybe we aren’t doomed, after all. And best of all, saving ourselves isn’t beyond our capacity. In fact, I’d like to think that the good in us can rise above any evil in this world. I pray that’s so. And now, I’m going to watch After the Thrones. By now, you've probably guessed that the next entry will be on how we use fiction to escape reality.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

We're Doomed

6/12/2016

In the wake of the Orlando shooting, I'd like to repeat something that I've said so many times before: Guns are not the problem. We're so quick to jump on the gun control thing when tragedy strikes that often other things are overlooked. I think the real reason boils down to something extremely simple: We're scared.

Our very government is too scared to really deal with radical terrorism. It's easier for them to punish the law-abiding citizens by clamping down on gun control than to deal with an entire group that wants us dead - by any means necessary - just because we aren't them. I don't know if it's because their egos are so big that they can't fathom that there are people in the world that could actually hate them that much, or if they do fathom it and they're so dumb that they actually believe that ignoring it will make the problem go away. Well, it won't. These terrorist have struck American people on American soil - again.

Another problem is that we're letting people that are batsh** crazy run around and do whatever they want because "they have their rights." You don't hand a 2 year-old the keys to your car and let them go, but an adult that's been spewing venom online for three years has "rights" and you can't stop them from buying 57 guns and driving a car out of town to a nightclub because "sure, they do things that scare us, but they haven't hurt anybody YET and they have their rights." I'm not going to flatter anybody here: you know crazy when you see it; you know that nothing can be done involuntarily to them unless they unquestionably prove that they're a danger to themselves or others, you know that 100% of people have a strong enough self preservation instinct that the hurting is likely to be others, and you don't want to be the one they hurt. So you give them what they want because you're afraid to be the one they prove their crazy on, and you don't want to make them mad. I've said a million times before that the mental health system is totally screwed up and needs a better overhaul, but hey, what do I know? We can't even realize that there's something not right about a religion that urges people to kill those that believe different things than they do.

Maybe I'm biased, but if your god is telling you to kill them all, you might want to consider that your god may be, in fact, a demon. But again, what do I know?

There are plenty of other problems in our society that contribute to things like this. People are too entitled. We live in a society that's taken the "you're special" thing waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too far, because now everybody is stuck in their heads, and their heads are stuck in their butts, and there's no way to see the reality around you that way. Add to that the fact that most people have a ten ton chip on their shoulder because aww, everybody doesn't love me (more of that entitlement crap), and it's a wonder that any of us are alive.

What it boils down to is this: scientists have found the center of the universe, and sorry folks, but it's not you. It's not me. It's time we all took a whopping dose of humility with a side of reality, and realized that yes, we're different, yes, we're equal, and that means that we have to learn to live with it in a respectful manner if we want to live in a civilized society. And society is getting less and less civilized.

Good goobly goo. Maybe scifi is prophetic. Maybe the aliens will come, and then we'll really see if we're worth saving. What's more, it's a shame that it takes some people at their worst to bring out the best in us. Why can't we show our best ALL THE TIME?

I do pray for the victims and families of those lost in Orlando last night. It's a terrible and senseless tragedy. The real shame is that every time this happens, we ask "how do we make it stop?" but it doesn't. It keeps happening. Just a year ago, it was the Charleston shooting, and that was completely domestic. I pray for us all, because if we don't find a breakthrough to better ways soon, then we're doomed.

That's my soapbox speech on the topic. Take care, and have a great week.

Bye!

What is Good?

6/9/2016

I could go all sappy and "be thankful for everything" in this study on gratitude, but that's too cliche, so let's look at it from a different perspective. What defines a good life? Or even a good day? We’ve established that the big “mountaintop” experiences are relatively few and far in between, so how do you define good in terms of everyday life. I’ve been inspired to ponder on this by my Bible readings of the Book of Ecclesiastes this week. Some people find it depressing, or even contradictory to the rest of scripture, but the more I read it, the more it really does reflect life.

I think the definition of good depends on your circumstances. For example, a bad day for me now would have been a good day for me two or three years ago – and what I call “boring” now didn’t exist then. Life was more hectic and dramatic then. It just goes to show how what you call “normal” can shift over time.

This time of year it can get especially tough. The kids are out of school and by golly, we want our summer vacation too. I told Rick this morning that the biggest shock of adulthood was living the reality that not only does your workplace stay open in June – August, but that might actually be your peak time of year, depending on where you work. It always has been for me, from day care days to license renewals now. I’m not sure what genius thought making things due in the summer and Christmas was a good idea, but a lot of people thought it, because it’s peak time for a lot of things. The good news is that you only have to do this for thirty years or so, and then you get back all of those Christmas and summer breaks that you didn’t – it’s called retirement.

But is this bad? It depends. I meet a lot of people that think the worst thing in the world is working, but I can assure you that it isn’t, because I’ve been doing it for eighteen and a half years, and I’m still alive and healthy. I remember struggling to find a full time job when I graduated college and got married – it was definitely more stressful to need a job and not have one than to be busy with a steady job. Then on my drive in to work today, I remembered a conversation I had with a coworker at my last Department that came out of retirement to help us out part time. I was so shocked when she said “don’t be fooled. People say retirement is wonderful, and it is if it’s time that you’re missing. The problem is that you don’t have the money to go out and do things all the time, so you sit around and do nothing, which makes for long, dull days.” God bless her soul, she actually continued to work for as long as her health would allow. So while many of us fantasize about what we’d do if we weren’t chained to the workplace all day, the fact is that having nothing to do apparently is just as frustrating. What's right today isn't what's right everyday.

I think this is where the gratitude I mentioned in my last entry comes in. I learned the hard way in 2010 that there are always blessings in life, and they can vanish with little notice. I was so glad to break free of the rut I was in at that point in my life that I didn’t realize how many little things gave me comfort in day to day life until they were gone. Suddenly, those Friday afternoon conversations with friends in the hallways, sub sandwich day in the canteen, and being able to choose my daily work shift without having to do scheduling gymnastics with the rest of the staff were privileges that were gone, and too late to not take for granted. I learned to open my eyes and give thanks the hard way and believe me, I am much more attentive to the blessings that life offers now.

Take a look around, and I’ll bet you can find a lot to be grateful for. I’ll start by urging you to be thankful for your health. If you were able to get up and go about your business without pain or illness, that’s a grand privilege (take it from somebody that lost her hearing in one ear to an infection last summer, and then hobbled around in an orthopedic boot for six weeks last fall with a broken foot). From there, I’m sure you’ll find plenty, and the good news is that it’s self perpetuating. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel about life if you substitute gratitude for complaining for just a few days. Make it a lifestyle, and you’ll be further amazed at the opportunities that open and how your life improves. Why not try it? You have nothing to lose, and it can’t hurt?

That’s all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Relaxing Your Mind

6/5/2016

After the past 2 entries I'm sure you're asking: ok, how do you find contentment? Are you lucky enough to have it all, and everybody else is SOL? Or is it something else?

Oh, it's something else, and in this entry, I'll tell you exactly how I got from a place where I hated my life to a place where I love it. It's simple, too, once you get the hang of it. And if this doesn't work, I can also point you to a resource that will give you other options that have worked for other people.

I'll be honest with you: my life is NOT where I want it to be. I had hoped to reach a niche market with my writing by now, and that in doing so, it would be providing a steady stream of income. Maybe I expected too much. The book market has changed drastically with ebooks, and things aren't what they once were as this new world continues to evolve and take shape. In fact, my writing has pretty much died over the past couple of years, and I'm having trouble getting the readers that loved Move and Blurry back. Not releasing a new book last year hurt. I didn't think of it at the time because I was convinced that writing all of The Earthside Trilogy together was the best decision (I still think that), but the problem is that people move on, and it's hard to get them back. Heck, even my own family won't read Progenitor. Rick (my husband) is the only person I personally know whose read it. God bless him. But it's really caused me to have doubts. Still, I push on, and here's why:

Meditation. Yep, that's it. And for those of you who say "Sherri, that's too new age for a Christian," I say this: PRAYER IS MEDITATION! That's right! Focusing your thoughts in prayer is the same thing. Some in Christian circles prefer to call it "contemplation," but in essence it's the same: it's focusing your mind on one thing. The problem is that in prayer, we often put our focus in the wrong place by telling God what we want when in fact, we should be asking what HE wants. Proper meditation is taking time to focus on an issue, but instead of saying "Dear God, I want," you ask questions like:

Why do I feel this way?
What does this mean?
Is this right for me?
What's the right next step for me to take?

And then, you shut up and listen. Focus on the question, and wait for the answer to come to you.

See, the difference isn't only in framing your thoughts, but it's in opening yourself up to answers that you may not consciously know. We like to believe we're in control and so often, we wrestle for that control by putting our minds into overdrive to figure out an answer when the truth is that it hasn't been provided to us. Patience is a problem that's getting bigger in our age of instant-everything technology. But folks, even that isn't right. How often have you Googled someone to get an address that you later found out was out of date, because they recently moved? The point: instant answers can be wrong, and what's obvious may not be what's right. Try it backwards. Ask the questions, and leave it be. Trust me, the answers do come, and they're right. You have to give your limited mind time, space, and permission to process divine inspiration.

Meditation hasn't solved all of my problems, but it has helped me to better understand things and, with that, find contentment where I'm at. For example, through meditation, I realized that ebbs and flows are normal in the book industry. This isn't the first slump I've been through, and it probably won't be the last. My job is to stay on the path, to do my best, and to remain obedient to following the opportunities that I'm led to follow. It's not fat stacks of cash in the bank, but it's the answer I've got, and I've learned to be ok with it.

And that's the next step in the process - to accept the answers when they come, whether you like them or not, and to be obedient to what the Spirit leads you to do. It's exciting when you like it, but not so easy when the answer is something you don't like. Like "no." Or "something else." Or "keep waiting." But accepting a right answer does bring contentment, because it teaches you to trust in a greater good.

Give it a try. The Secret, where I read this suggestion, says that you can start with as little as two minutes of intense focus a day. I believe you'll feel better about life if you try it (I know I do), but if you feel you need something else, then the book is full of other suggestions and hints for steering your live on a more positive path. The chapter on gratitude is another powerful one - that's something I've addressed before, but perhaps I'll explore it in more depth in the next entry. For now, this entry is long enough.

With that, I bid you farewell for the day. Take care, and have an excellent rest of the weekend and week.

Bye!

Fade

6/3/2016

I'm sure we've all heard the news that Game of Thrones only has 13 episodes remaining after this season wraps. Yep, the best show on television is two seasons from ending, and already rumors are flying over how this season will end, especially after a Reddit post that has so far been spot on with spoilers this season. The post was removed, but the speculations on the remaining episodes of the season have been resurrected here.

I'm sad to hear the show will be ending, even if the big finale is still two years away. But then again, I also realize something: part of being awesome is knowing when it's time to quit and let something else take the spotlight. There really is a season for everything, and prudence is knowing when that season is coming to a close, and to give it your best in letting it wind down to a satisfying (and awesome) end. You want to be remembered for delivering your best, not scoffed off as a joke.

I think the same applies to real life. We all have experience with the "drama queens" that always have something going on that needs to be the center of attention. They're everywhere, folks. We live in a world consumed with image and attention, and some people fall for it hook, line and sinker. They don't realize that the 90's song about all that glitters is sure to fade is absolutely true. Nothing shines forever. The world is fickle, and in the end, they'll always find something else interesting. That's why what's popular is called a "trend."

I've seen a number of posts on social media lately urging people to veer away from this, like "in a world full of Kardashians, be a Hepburn" (or something similar). These posts make a good point. The thing that really stands out in crowds screaming for attention is to move away from the crowd and be authentic. I know that I personally don't care if anybody ever remembers my name from my books. I want them to remember the book and tell other people "hey, I read this great book titled Move, and it really made me think about how I react to change. I love it!" or something similar to that. Think about this:Game of Thrones is the most popular show on television, but it comes on HBO and doesn't advertise outside of that a lot. How did you hear about it? I heard about it from coworkers that watch the show, and other fans on social media. The best things don't scream for attention. They build it slowly by proving that they're good enough to earn it through unique and excellent work. You can't stand out if you're screaming and creating drama like everybody else is.

My point is that we will all have our time in the spotlight, and we should enjoy it graciously. But most of life is lived in the periphery, the humdrum, the small details of every day. I talked about how that is special in my last post, and I encourage you to find the blessing in it as well. Believe me, you don't want to be Little Miss Everything. I went through a season where I was several years ago, and it couldn't end fast enough. I was on the top of the world, and I hated my life and myself there. I sure am glad to be out of that spotlight, and hope to never be in it again! There really is a lot special about living a simply joyful and peaceful life every day.

That's all today. Take care. Have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Bye!

Boring is Beautiful

6/1/2016

I've been racking my brain for something to blog about all week, but the truth is that life is pretty boring these days - and I'm grateful! In fact, it occurred to me while I was having my coffee this morning that a dull life is something that I prayed for and worked hard to get for years. I know that it's a tremendous relief for me to have some dull humdrum after five years of life kicking me in the butt pretty constantly. You know you've been through it when life is boring, and it's a source of tremendous gratitude!

The truth is that life really is made up mostly of the humdrum of everyday. Furthermore, I think most people crave simplicity and a boring routine despite the current "busy is cool" craze that's sweeping us. We may equate a hectic schedule with success, but the equation for joy and contentment is much simpler. I've said this to several people lately, and I'll say it again here: there's a beauty in the routine of everyday living, of going through your day with a focus on where you want your life to bear fruit, of working diligently and patiently toward your goals. The mountaintops may be what we remember, the valleys may be where we learn, but the majority of life is lived in the in-between days of steady work toward progress. I believe this is what they mean by finding joy on the journey.

I'll take it, enjoy it, and hope it can be all I dream it can be. And, of course, I'll keep calmly and happily working toward the goal in Christ toward future success and celebration while I enjoy where I'm at. It's nice when growing doesn't hurt, for a change.

That's all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Bye!