I interrupt my blog series on balance to ponder on some things that frankly folks, I just don't get. I'll start with something that happened just two and a half hours ago as I was picking up supper at a deli near my home. There's a karate dojo next door to it. I was getting in my car with the sandwiches and saw a group of people walk out in full sweatsuits - and completely barefoot. I'm serious. My car said it was 50 degrees out there and they walked across an asphalt parking lot bundled up and completely barefoot.
What the hell?
Seriously, folks. I thought people wearing flip flops in this weather was nuts. I remember a conversation I had with someone in San Francisco about socks a few months ago. She thought the concept of having four distinct seasons was unique enough, but to meet someone with an entire DRAWER full of socks? She thought I was amazing for even having one pair. Seems they don't have much need for socks in Hawaii. And I remember telling her - well, we do NEED them, but many people choose not to USE them in the winter and wonder why their feet are cold.
Maybe I just don't get it, but there are many things that people seem to do on a regular basis and I'm not sure how they work their logic around it.
Here's another example - when did writing thank you notes go out of style? When Rick and I got married nearly 15 years ago, I missed 1 note - that's it, just 1 - and I heard about it from three people. How rude. How inconsiderate. What the hell happened? Well, what happened was that the person manning the gift table at the wedding reception decided the party looked more interesting than what they were doing, so they decided to join the party before all the gifts were accounted for. So when the one person that forgot to attach a card told them "don't forget to tell them it's from me," well, they forgot. I mentioned this in the late thank you note I wrote. But here's the interesting thing: in the years since then, Rick and I have received thank you notes for about 20% of the gifts we've given. We've actually asked people if they received them on a few occasions and they said yes and grumbled something about being too busy to be held to archaic fashions like writing thank you notes when nobody really cares. Hmm. Well, I checked and etiquette still says you're supposed to write one for unreciprocated gifts - graduations, weddings, or baby showers, for example, where the gifts flow one way, but not for birthdays or common holiday exchanges. I just wonder why I was griped at so much about missing one note on accident when 80% of the people I know skipped the note writing on purpose and don't seem to be getting any static for it. Hmm.
Speaking of etiquette, I thought it was rude to ask how much something costs, but I'm constantly amazed at the people that see our birds (or pictures of them) and outright blurt "wow, how much does a bird like that cost?" Seriously? My answer: more than a dog. And they live longer than a dog too. Geeze, I don't ask how much having kids, a luxery car, or that exquisite vacation you pushed pictures of in my face set you back, do I?
And these movies and TV shows that win awards - who's voting on that? I mean, really? Producers blow millions of dollars to write intriguing scripts and put special effects on the big screen that make your eyes pop out, and they get passed over. Sometimes movies that haven't even opened in our area are raking in awards. Who's seen them? Who cares? Why aren't the movies making millions of dollars from real people like me winning awards?
Music is just as confusing. I saw Taylor Swift on New Year's Eve rambling on about how she's never, ever, ever, ever getting back together with one of her kazillion ex's. I'm not even sure if that was singing - there was no rhythem or range to it, but the crowd was going crazy. Either I'm out of it, or the bar has been set WAAAY low for musical entertainment. Then again, marching bands dance and run around like idiots now too. They wouldn't stand for that in my day. We spent countless hours in the hot sun practicing FUNDAMENTALS. And by golly, you didn't MOVE at attention for WHATEVER reason. Now they jiggle around like they have ants in their pant but that's alright because they got da moves! What on earth happened to learning the basics, fundamentals, and self discipline?
I don't know. I guess I don't think the same way other people do. Perhaps I'm old fashioned. Maybe it's personal preference and it's just a "me" thing. I suppose we all have things that don't make much sense to us. Or maybe I just think too much altogether.
I'm going to try not to think too much more and enjoy my long weekend. I could use some rest. That's all for today. Happy Friday to you.
As we head into a new year, I ponder my resolution to have better balance in my life on a number of levels. One of those (very important) levels is in the area of stress reduction and reducing worry in my life. I think these are things we all struggle with, and recently I've come to realize there's a great deal that we impose on ourselves, especially when it comes to our relationships.
This realization came after having several people tell me things that other people said and/or did over the past few weeks and asked what I thought of it. I remembered that when I was under a therapist while going through my life changes a few years ago, one of the things she told me was that the secret to finding balance was realizing what was and wasn't my business. "You concern yourself with your responsibilities and what you control and let go of the things in the hands of others," she said. That's certainly true, and in fact remembering this advice upon being asked my opinion on these various situations and issues made me realize that people, in general, bring on a lot of their own stress by worrying about or fretting over things that other people think, say or do - things they have absolutely no control over.
Why do we do this? My first reaction was that it's arrogance. Frankly, we all have a tendency to beleive that everything is all about us - and that's wrong. The truth is that everything people think, say and do is all about THEM. It's a reflection of how they see the world. Even if they say that "others made me do it," the truth is that they made the decision on how to perceive things and on how to proceed. Nobody "makes" anybody do anything. Plus, by nature, people are going to do what's best for them and the ones closest to them. Why should they do something that benefits you 100% and them none at all when you aren't the center of THEIR world?
So there's one reason, but I don't think that's all of it, nor the major portion. In fact, I think if that were the whole reason, then it would mean that people in general are extremely selfish and short sighted, and I don't believe that such a narrow view applies to most people most of the time. Some maybe, but absolutely not all. Maybe not most. And remember, I said there's some truth to this. Maybe it's a small part, but I don't think that's a "once size fits all" explanation for it. Most people learn, grow, and gain a wider perspective on the world and as such, they aren't so shallow.
I believe another reason is that we want everybody to like us. The problem is, I recently read that there was actually some scientific study that at least 10% of people aren't going to like you. Frankly, I was surprised the percentage was that low. I thought it would be closer to 30%, but the latest study I read said 10% so we'll run with that. Why is this? Plain and simple, personality differences. Some types just don't play well together. If you don't believe it, ask any extremely emotional person I've come in contact with and they'll tell you I'm mean and don't give a crap about their feelings. I am, by nature, a person that leans more toward logic and reason in making decisions than emotion. I usually don't get along well with extremely emotional types that "just want peace" and "want everybody happy right now" because I beleive happiness comes from investing the time and hard work to do things right no matter how you feel about it "right now." If you do what's right, then it will work out in the end, and that's a happiness that last; not a vapor of high emotion that wears off when the party is over and the consequences have to be paid. In fact, since I've been working in professional licensing, I'd say my tendency to make decisions based on logic and reason have become a stronger because by nature of my profession, I'm obligated to do what's right no matter how people feel about it. I don't think that's a bad thing (of course), but I've caught some flack about it because I'm female, and by stereotype I'm supposed to be all about feelings. While I'm ok to say "alright, forget the 10% and thank God for and enjoy the other 90%, well, some people get awfully fixated on that 10% and believe that if they work harder then they can get a 100% approval rating. It seems their effort would be better spent nurturing relationships with the other 90% but in fact, sometimes they turn on the ones on their side to gain approval they'll never have, counting on forgiveness from that 90% that might come, but not realizing that it will have a higher price than they bargained for because broken trust is a very hard thing to rebuild. But it happens, all the time. I've experienced it; I've seen it; I've written about it. Hey, I'm a writer. The ugly underside of humanity is a playground of inspiration. Expose it to me at your own risk.
Just kidding - maybe. And a sidenote on the emotion thing: I'm interested to see if the stereotype of "hysterical emotion" in women downplays as more generations of women have careers.Working women don't have time to fret over every little wayward comment, rolled eye, questionable social media post, tear or tirade that comes their way. Or at least, me and my colleagues don't. But we'll see as time tells this particular tale.
So there's that. But not all people are emotional and out for approval ratings that would make politicians jealous, so reason #2 can't apply to everybody. But it does apply to enough that I believe it should be considered.
There is one more reason, and I think it applies to most of us. I believe the reason people get tied up in what others think, say and do is because they don't want to be alone in how they think or feel. They want to know that others agree with them. They want others to have an opinion with them, or to get mad with them, or to be sad with them, or to take up the cause with them because they don't want to be the only freak swimming against the tide. They want to know they're like everybody else and what the other person is doing is wild/selfish/stupid/crazy/nonsense/whatever. They don't want to be alone in their opinion or feelings because they don't want to look in the mirror and ask "is it them, or is it me?" We all want to be right. We all want the world to understand that our opinion is just as important as everybody elses'. We all want respect. Nobody wants to be a nobody. They want people to know that they're here, that they have value, and that they are just as important as the other 7+ billion people in the world.
Here's the thing, though: Going about it by getting tangled up in other peoples' business is a sign of insecurity. If you truly walk in faith and you're confident in yourself as the authentic human being you were created to be, then you don't need to beg or scream for attention. You humbly go about your own business, believing that the life God set before and the purposes you serve speak for themselves.
That's the cure. That's how you break free from this stress. You get busy living your own life and tending to your own businss and have the grace to accept others and the decisions they make without intruding into their lives with your opinions.
Does this mean you ignore others and don't care what they do? Of course not. You should always do your best to help people in need and if there's something you can do to help others on their life path, you certainly should. The key is to use common sense and discernment. Yes, we all have opinions on things, but we don't need to share them all the time. Everything that flies through your head doesn't need to fly out of your mouth. If you aren't asked for your opinion or advice, assume it's not wanted or needed and keep it to yourself. I'd even go so far as to say that you should still use caution in giving advice even if you ARE asked for it. As one of the elves said in The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, "elves don't give advice because all paths may run ill." Think before you speak. If in doubt, don't. And realize that advice is a take it or leave it thing - and in many cases, people leave it, so be prepared to have your advice or opinion rejected just in case and be prepared to not get offended. And please, for the love of God, if it won't make any difference and you have a thought - don't. Stop right there and go no further. If it's done and/or there's no way it's changing no matter what anybody says and you really need to get it out, set up a private blog or buy a journal to work it out, but don't go off on tirades and complain to everybody in the world about things you can't control involving people close to you. And don't ask or expect people to take sides with you unless you want to do the equivalent of renting a billboard that says I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. It makes you look bad and it makes other people run like hell from you when they see you coming. If it's something so big that you can't live with it, find a way to either deal with it or distance yourself from the situation. Just because a war's going on doesn't mean you have to be a soldier in it. Other people might want you to have their problems, but they can't draft you. You don't have to accept them and if you choose not to accept their problems, well then, it's over.
The point of this mile long blog is that I'm coming to understand that balance is something that we have to strive for in every area of life, and personal relationships are certainly a big element there. We do live in the world, with people, so having good, balanced relationships is an extremely important thing. And one way we can achieve balance in our relationships is by not being a busybody, minding our own business, and having the grace to let it be.
Thanks for hanging in there with me on this one. I hope you had a Happy Friday and that you have a great weekend.
I’m often asked if the things that happened to Jana Lanning in my recent novel, Anywhere But Here, actually happened to me. For those of you that haven’t read this novel, Jana Lanning, the protagonist, is denied admission to graduate school, finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her, helps her best friend get married and move out of town, and has to settle for a job that she’s overqualified for – and all of this happens within two weeks of getting her undergraduate degree. Then to make things worse, the office where she works starts a merger with another firm and Jana finds herself on the wrong end of office politics that are the final straw in her battle with depression. The thing people seem the most interested in are the office politics. People want to know if the happenings at Dixon Financial are reflective of my job before it was transferred to a new agency a couple of years ago.
In response to that I’d say not entirely, but I can’t deny that some things that happened to me early in my career are reflected in people and events that take place in the book. I know that’s cryptic, but bear in mind two things: The people and events are fictionalized and that was accomplished through a mixture of my personal experiences, experiences I’ve seen and heard of from other people, and instances I’ve read about in books, magazines, news and other media. It came from a vast pool and I’ll admit that I had experience with being on the wrong end of office politics – heck, how could you write about it even from a fictionalized perspective unless you lived it in some way – but it’s also a universal issue that anybody working in an office environment is going to be on one end or the other of. And sorry folks, but there are probably going to be times when you find yourself on the wrong side, at least from the perspective of the majority.
My purpose in both writing Anywhere But Here and this entry isn’t to bash my former workplace. These things happened a decade ago, and I must admit that I said and did things that weren’t wise and didn’t lead to the best resolution in the situations I faced. I certainly learned from those experiences and in retrospect, I’m glad I learned those lessons early in life or I certainlywouldn’t be where I am now. The purpose is to share lessons learned, because this is something that I believe everybody in the workforce faces at some time. It makes you feel isolated and lonely when it happens, but the truth is that you aren’t alone. Lots of people face it but few talk about it because frankly, it’s embarrassing.
I used to think that people playing office politics were selfish jerks that like to hurt people, but experience has shown me that it actually grows from a root of fear. People that play with power are insecure and doubt their own ability, so they create an elaborate game of turning people and things to their advantage. I’ve found that there are 2 good ways to identify a person that is likely to use power to their advantage:
1.They cling tightly to cliques that are made up of people that are higher on the chain of command than they are; and
2.They don’t associate with anybody on the chain of command below them unless it’s absolutely necessary - and those people better give them what they want immediately or it’s insubordination.
It’s the people in category #2 that usually find themselves on the losing end of office politics because any wrong word or deed will be met with fierce retaliation. I won’t say that I never see office politics anymore, but I have found that I find myself in these situations a lot less since I’ve been reclassified to a mid-level position. I’d like to think this is because I’ve proven that my knowledge and abilities are valuable, but it’s more likely that I learned valuable lessons on how to deal with these types from previous experience – and people know it.
So what’s the secret to dealing when you’re the victim of office politics? If you’re right, stand by that. Don’t ever cave in and take the quick and easy way out because that’s a temporary end. If they’d turn on you once, they’ll turn on you again. Caving in only shows that you can be taken advantage of, and they will milk that dry, plus the consequences of doing wrong will follow you a lot longer than standing up for what’s right. They might not like you, but they’ll respect you and at least know not to let you catch them with their hand in the cookie jar again. If you aren’t right, correct yourself immediately and stick to your guns in walking down the right road. And whichever situation you’re in, it’s imperative that you have patience. Truth will show itself in time and it will be end game then. It might take months or even years for things to come around, but they will and you’ll be better off for it. The reward will come in patient endurance, and it will be something that nobody can deny. Sure, there are people that are so stubborn that they’ll refuse to change their mind no matter what happens, but don’t worry about them. Leave them in their ignorance and move on because it’s highly probably that they’ll be gone in time themselves.
I believe Jana Lanning in Anywhere But Here is a good personification of office politics gone wrong, because she’s the one in the weakest position. She didn’t do anything wrong and in fact suffered for doing right, but recent personal losses kept her from taking a stand in the right way and the right timing. The people that create these situations are masters at turning things against you even if you didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s exhausting to constantly defend your own character. Unfortunately, she found this out too late and suffered the consequences of crossing the wrong people simply by being who she was and not deferring to people doing things wrong. She was right and had proof of it, but she didn’t know how to present that truth in a combative work environment. That happens sometimes, and it’s awful. I think the worst offence in the world is to have to suffer for other peoples’ mistakes, and office politics are the ultimate example of that.
I think this is why eople tell me that they find Jana Lanning so likeable. She’s a good person that doesn’t deserve the hard knocks that come her way from people taking advantage of her shy nature, youth, and inexperience. She makes the same mistakes that all of us made in our early adulthood and we understand her confusion at why life is kicking her around. Reality is a hard teacher, and it’s the only one that can do the job once school leaves off. Remember the movie “St. Elmo’s Fire” from the 80’s? That strange, new world opening up is the exact thing that Jana faces, and we understand exactly where she’s coming from. She, like the rest of us, has to learn to find those gems of opportunity in the rubble of defeat to rebuild a new life from shattered dreams. In some ways, we may even relate to her right where we’re at, because life is always teaching us lessons.
So no, I didn’t start out in life exactly like Jana did. I actually did marry my college sweetheart, but I never made it to graduate school because I found other things that I believed were worth more in my life than higher education. I never struggled with depression, but I knew (and still know) many who do battle that demon, and I hope Jana’s struggle helps people with depression understand that this is a battle they can win if they stay in the fight. But yes, I did go through an office merger in my early years in the workforce, and I found myself prey to the power plays, albeit in much different circumstances. All I can say is that wisdom comes from experience, and I gained plenty in those few years.
And lest you think it’s impossible for poor Jana to face so much at one time, I call your bluff. Too much smashing my life to bits was the catalyst for my next novel, Splinter – but that’s one for a future blog entry. I’ll address it closer to the release date in mid 2013. Until then, enjoy Anywhere But Here and my other books - information on them and links to buy are on the other tabs of this website. I hope you find entertainment and inspiration in them.
That’s all today.
Well, as irony would have it; it seems Rick's illness had a viral component that brought it out and I caught it yesterday. After a weekend with both of us sick, I realized that there are two rules for dealing with someone who's sick:
1. Never try to force feed them, especially if it has a gastrointestinal base. Believe me, whatever you fear might happen from not eating will be nothing compared to what will happen if you force them to eat; and
2. Don't pepper them with a million questions. People in general are too addicted to asking questions. Please please please - limit the questions as much as possible. You'd be surprised at how much you can discover for yourself if you put your brain on things for 5 minutes. In fact, this is a good overall rule even when everybody is perfectly healthy.
That being said, I will warn you that there is a virus going around and it's absolutely VICIOUS. Neither of us has been this sick in a very long time. We're healing, albeit slowly. This is definitely one that we (and our septic system) will remember for a long time.
Take care all, and take precautions. I know it's winter and illness is lurking but the proper precautions can save your grief. Wash hands, clean up, flu shots, and etc.
More later. Bye!
Hi folks, it's me today. No, I'm not taking creative license by handing over my blog to my writing characters or my birds, and it's not part of the blog series. Today it's me here with real life, which is the stuff that blogs are made for. And today, I have a life lesson for you.
Did you know that truth always reveals itself? It seems that a lot of people don't. But some truths that have been carefully hidden for 3 years came flying out today. Yep, the masks fell away and people saw the nasty, ugly reality, complete with crumbs, dust bunnies, dead bugs and all.
The short version of this story is that I was asked some questions about the last place I was at today - detailed questions, complete with names and all. And I told the truth, which was unflattering to some people in my past. Oh well. They were warned. That's what happens when you try to brainwash people and the one thorn you could never quite "get fixed" gets away.
Yes, that's right. I said "brainwashed." It was a place where that was how the entire culture was defined. Everybody had their place and by golly, you stayed there "or else." The problem with that kind of mentality is that you always run across those strong, independent types that refuse to be told what to think. I was one of them and now, I see that it was the root of all my problems there. It wasn't personality conflicts, or fear over what wasn't understood - it was that they couldn't control me, plain and simple. I just wouldn't "settle down" and tame my renegade spirit. I rocked too many boats.
Well, they're too cool to care, so none of this should be of any importance to them. And I'm gone, so it's the past and really of little consequence to me. I tell you this story to make a point. There are always people around that will try to brainwash you. Always people that are arrogant enough to believe that they can control you - and that you should listen to them. I say bah. That's just crap. I hope I gave those people hell with my independent spirit while I was there . And for anybody else in my life that has the audacity to try similar tricks on me, I say this story demonstrates one very important thing you better take note of: I have a foot, and I know how to put it squarely up your rear if you DARE to try to brainwash me. This isn't just throwning down the gauntlet. This is the Hammer of Thor coming right at you and it's in your face.
I have my own brain, thank you very much, and I know how to use it.If you don't like it, you can take your happy butt right out the same door you used to come into my life, because there's no place for you here. I've broken free of those leashes they tried to slap on me and I have no use for that kind of shallow mentality in my life. God removed me from it, and I thank Him every day for that deliverance!
Yes, I'm a huge fan of fiction, but I also have a foot in reality. I realize there's no such things as wizards, elves, hobbits, Jedi, Sith Lords, demi-gods, superhereos, or even gecos and ducks that sell insurance. The truth is that in reality, it's no huge secret to how to impress me. I'm no respecter of persons. Titles don't impress me. Positions don't intimidate me. Power doesn't dazzle me. There's one way to get my admiration and respect and everybody on Earth has an equal chance at it.
You have to be a decent human being. That's it. Plain and simple. Honesty and integrity will get you everywhere. Anything else is smoke and mirrors, and I don't like magic tricks.
The truth is that most people are smarter than you give them credit for being, but few have the courage to admit to what they truly think and stand up for integrity. People have a inherent sense of when they're being deceived and they always resent it, whether they act on it or not. Beware the ones that don't comply with conformity. They're the sandpaper that rub on the rough edges of arrogance. They're people like me. And there are more of them than you think. Those brainwashed worlds are, in reality, very small. The real world is much bigger.
That's my soapbox speech for today. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time ...
Hi everybody, Sherri has decided to yield to the call of her recliner, so I'm stepping in to keep her blog from getting hopelessly outdated. My name is Sasha Miles, from Blurry. I'm Rachel Shull's best friend - in fact, I've got to type fast, cause we're fixing to head to the football game. Thank God the weather is cooling off. These band uniforms are brutally hot in August and September!
I've got bigger problems than hot band uniforms, though. The problem? Our friend Kirsten is after Rachel's ex. Oh, Rachel thinks that Kirsten has no romantic interest in Danny and that she's just trying to remain civil for the sake of civility since Danny is hanging around some of those atheletes because of their fast cars - yea right. I have to tell you, Rachel is sweet - and that's her problem. She thinks everybody else is too. She just can't fathom that her best friend might be after her ex. She suspects something's up that isn't above board, but she's just too good to realize it. She thinks that the "guy code" of staying away from your friend's ex's apply to girls too. Well, it doesn't. There's no such thing as a "girl code." The heart wants what the heart wants and will go after it - no matter how many knives you stick in how many backs.
That probably doesn't make a bit of sense, but this will - I saw Kirsten getting pretty cozy with Danny outside the Pizza Parlor after band practice yesterday. Thank God that the band director has an officer's meeting after practice yesterday in preparation for tomorrow's competition, or Rachel would have walked right in the middle of it with me(she's Band Captain). I can't tell you how much luck was at work last night.
Danny and Kirsten played cool, but she called me later and said that yes, she does want to see if this leads to more and wouldn't be disappointed if it did. I talked her into using more discresion while she and Danny "explore their feelings for one another" (oh PLEASE!) and that she would have to be the one to tell Rachel if they did start dating. And I'm going to have to do a hell of a job playing dumb, because I can't get caught in the middle of this. I just can't handle it. There's already been too much drama between Rachel and Danny since they broke up. Yes, they agreed to ignore one another from now on, but people keep talking to try to stir things up and it makes it tough. The whole gang feels like they're in the middle of a silent war. And now Kirsten decides to go off on her own and do the dumbest thing possible. I just don't get it.
Maybe this will fall apart and lead to nothing. Maybe Kirsten will see the same flaws that drove Rachel away from Danny and I'm worrying for nothing. God, I hope so! I mean, what's he thinking? How can this possibly lead to anything good?
That's the problem. I don't think she is thinking.
Well, it's time to head to the statium so I better head out. Thanks for listening to me vent. I hope this is nothing. Man, I hope it is.
Author's note: Would Kirsten date Rachel's ex-boyfriend? Find out in Blurry!
Rick and I visited a friend from church yesterday that's in a nursing home. She has cancer. It's spread from her lungs to her brain, and the prognosis isn't good - in fact, her life expectancy is in terms of weeks. This is the third person I've known to have cancer in the past couple of years, and honestly I hope it's the last. It's so hard to get inside peoples' suffering like that - not only theirs, but their families and friends as well. It's tough on everybody.
If there's one thing that I've learned through seeing three people fight this battle, it's that you have to enjoy life. It's not just the big things, like health, family, home and relationships either. It's also the small things. Like weekends, good books, free time, going to the movies, a good song on the radio, purple nail polish, and red roses. Very often, it's the small things that really bring joy. You have to learn to find that joy and to embrace it.
It just makes me sick to see so many people walking around, taking things for granted. If they saw what we saw last night, and considered that this could be the fate of so many of us, I'd think they would slow down long enough to quit griping about all that's wrong and appreciating all that's right. This world is screwed up, but God's still in it, and there's plenty of blessings to enjoy.
I often lament my busy lifestyle, but I'm wise enough to see that it's the result of great blessings, and they are blessings that I am thankful for all the time.
Yes, there are plenty of problems. Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Turning on the TV or logging on the Internet can tell you that. So many people have that 20/20 vision for problems, but they don't have that kind of clarity to see what's right. And that's why there's so much depression and violence in our society. We're too fixated on what's wrong. We need to change that focus and see what's right. There are so many blessings right under our noses.
If you got up this morning and felt good enough to get out of bed and do 1 thing, you're blessed. If you had breaksfast, that's 2 blessings. Start counting your blessings there.
Maybe if we switched our focus from the bad to the good, we'd find a new perspective. Maybe we'd find solutions to some of these problems. Maybe we'd find that some things we see as problems aren't really problems at all. I would love to challenge people to trade in their griping for gratitude for just an hour.
It's something to think about. And with that, I will be off. I hope the rest of your weekend goes well.
I've noticed that time alone is something that seems to be disappearing in life. Not just my life, either, but most peoples' lives. I think this is a shame, because we all really need time and space to ourselves.
Apparantly I'm one of a very small group of people that hold this belief. You wouldn't believe how much ridicule and criticism I get for wanting some time to myself every now and then. It seems that a lot of people just don't understand how I can be content alone, even for a minute. "How can you stand it?" they ask, "to just be by yourself and not have someone around? Aren't you scared? Aren't you lonely?"
The answer to both of these questions is no, I'm not. I think that fear and lonliness are issues that have deeper roots in personality and temperament, frankly, and I've never been prone to either. But I think there's something else to blame for this loss of appreciation for alone time. It's called reality TV.
Somewhere in the past decade, people have become fascinated with watching other peoples' lives. This has never been unusual with celebrities, but now we want to know every detail of everybodys' life from the biggest mega-superstar to the cleaning woman. People willing to sacrifice their own privacy for a shot at fame have erased the boundaries of individualism.
The fact that we live in a society obsessed with maximum use of space feeds this fire. How are people supposed to understand boundaries when they work in a cubical where they overhear personal conversations all day, go home to a neighborhood where houses are literally spitting distance apart, and log on the Internet to see what their "friends" are eating for supper and watching on TV? Between the media, technology, and life itself, society is trying to pound it in our heads that it's not appropriate to put up a wall every now and then and say "Stop! No admittance! I need a time out!"
And in the end, this is feeding insecurity. Because in reality, we all need time to ourselves. Time to think, to ponder what's important to us and to take care of ourselves. Time to be our authentic selves without having a spotlight or webcam on you. We don't have to tweet every thought that runs through our head. We don't have to post a status update every time we move. And despite what the world tells you, it's really not right or appropriate to do that anyway. It leads to a habit of dysfunction, because we can't move until we know what everybody else is doing. It turns real life into a game of chess. You can't move until the other person moves first - thereby sacrificing your right to be who you are.
The world has always pressured people to conform, and there will always be voices screaming at you to be what they want you to be. The problem is that they aren't interested in what you want. They're interested in you being what serves their interest the best. That's why it's so important to pull away from the voices every now and then to consider the direction of your own life, and to make sure the sails are set in the direction you want to go. When we let noise fill our lives, we may find our ship sailing to a shore we never meant to even visit - much less live at.
I say to heck with the world. My life isn't reality TV, an evening drama, or a movie. It's real and I will share what I please, when I please. I do enjoy social media and blogging and love that it connects me with people around the world, and that it opens up more things in terms of interest and entertainment than have ever been available before. Heck, E-publishing is making me a writer, and I think the Internet is giving people a great opportunity to share things of interest (like books, news, etc) that would otherwise be drowned out by mainstream media. But I also consider everything I blog, post, or Tweet very carefully before I hit the "submit" button because I know that everything in my life isn't interesting to all people or, in some cases, business that doesn't need to leave the confines of my personal life.
I'm a responsible adult and am under no obligation to anybody to ask permission or to advertise everything I do. And I won't. That being said, I'll end this entry and leave you to ponder what I will do with the rest of my evening. I know, but (*sigh*) I just don't feel like Tweeting that right now.
Ok, I guess. At least, I'm feeling better these days than I have in a while, which is a very good sign.
I won't lie: Last year was the year from hell. I faced a great deal of change in my personal and professional life. I also learned a great deal about my life, myself and reality. I literally had to change the way that I thought about life. That was difficult, but it was also the best thing I did. The world didn't change, but I did. I realize so much now that I didn't see before. There were truths and strengths hidden in me that I never saw until the pressure of a changing reality forced them out.
I wouldn't trade what I learned this past year, but I wouldn't go through it again either. Wisdom is worth the effort, but that doesn't mean that it's pleasant or pretty.
I see now that it's time to move on. What's done is done and I've finally reached the point where I see the advantages of the radical changes that rewrote my life last year. Progress comes with change and I'm tired of beating my head against the past. What's gone is gone and it's gone for a reason. I'm finally ready to let go and move on. I've mourned what was sufficiently and am ready to embrace what is. I believe that if the Lord takes something away, it's because He has something greater in store, but we must let go of what's holding us back. I've already seen some new things come into my life that I have been hoping for, and the potential for more is shining on the horizon.
It's not easy to change how you think. In fact, I believe it's the most difficult thing in the world. But one thing is for certain: When you're unhappy and you can't change the world, then changing how you think is the only way to cope. There's a reason we lose control of life every now and then. It's God's way of showing us He is in control, and prodding us to be faithful and make appropriate changes to prepare for greater blessings ahead.
I used to cal l such times of change "dark seasons," but I see that they aren't dark at all. I believe, in fact, that I've seen the light of faith and hope clearer over the past year than the previous ten years combined. And that's a good thing. A very good thing indeed. But I wouldn't go back. No way. Not ever.
Yes indeed, it's time to move on and I'm just getting started. I don't know what the future holds, but for the first time in a long time, I trust it's something good.
Thanks be to God!