Ok, this entry is a little over a week late but considering that I was in Florida last week, well, better late than never, right?

I think we all know what Lent is - the 40 days prior to Holy Week and Easter that symbolize Christ's 40 days wandering in the desert and being tempted by Satan. The season is observed as a season of penance when we reflect on our sinfulness and mortality, and the sacrifice that Christ made to save us. As part of this, many people give up something during these 40 days. Food and beverage sacrifices are very popular - caffine, alcohol, chocolate, deserts - but anything that you like will do. I've given up reading, perfume and scented lotions, listening to CD's, and polishing my nails to name a few. However, I haven't given anything up for the past couple of years and in fact, I'm not giving anything up this year either. Why? Frankly, it's because the theme of sacrifice has been too regular in my life for a season observation to mean much to me right now.

Let me explain. Most people know that my life has changed drastically over the past couple of years. Sure there were some things that weren't by choice, but the truth is that most of it was based on decisions that Rick and I made: We chose to adopt 2 more birds and to get more involved at church, I chose to publish my writing and to become an independent author, and Rick chose to do website work on the side. These aren't decisions that we made lightly. We did pray about them and talk about them, and in the end we decided that the timing and season in our lives are right for these things. However, the fact remains that there are still only 24 hours in a day, and we can only do so much. That meant that, for us to have time to dedicate to these great new things in our lives, we had to make a decision to let some old things go. For example, I have made the decision to give up:

1. Cross stitching. This was tough because I enjoyed it, but the fact is that it's very time consuming - and so is drumming up publicity for my writing. Since I still have to work full time I had to make a decision: Would I rather see my writing grow or my ability in this craft grow? Being a writer has been a lifelong dream for me so of course, I chose to dedicate extra time to making my writing work. I don't regret it, but I do miss stitching and hope this is a seasonal sacrifice and I'll be able to bring this hobby back into my life someday.

2. Watching TV. I'm down to watching only 1 weekly show regularly (Supernatural). I'll try to catch some things here and there if I have a snippet of time, but it's rare. The truth is that I'm usually so busy with other things that I don't really miss this. Or maybe it's because I've conditioned myself to not pick up the remote so quickly over the past months.

3. Vegetable gardening. One of my favorite things in the summer was making tomato and cucumber salads from what I grew in my own back yard, but when I got contracts to publish Blurry and Anywhere But Here last yea, I know I simply didn't have time to plant and maintain a garden, no matter how small I tried to keep it. Plus, I tried it the first 3 summers we lived here and it was never very successful. Oh well, the local Farmer's Market was glad for my business last summer!

4. Participation in several websites including Authonomy, Writing.com, and Open Salon. As I joined places with a greater outreach like Goodreads, Facebook and Twitter, I found myself on these sites less and less - to the point that I made the decision a month ago to be true to myself and back off. My focus just drifted to other areas. While I still want to keep improving as a writer, I must focus on getting in contact with readers too. They are, after all, why I'm writing in the first place.

I won't lie - it was hard to do this. The cross stitching was particularly painful to give up because I really did enjoy it, and I didn't want to admit that perhaps it was something meant for a season and not for life. But the truth is that I only have time for a few things in life, and I made a conscious decision that other things came above it, like church and writing. There's so much to do in life and our time and energy are limited, so we have to set priorities for ourselves.

Every now and then, you have to ask yourself what you want to see bear fruit in your life and dedicate yourself to that. Right now, I want to see my faith, home/family, and writing bear fruit, so that's where I must focus for now. And I am, but it means letting some other things go for a time while these things are at the forefront of my life. Maybe some of these things will come back someday and maybe they won't. Who knows what the future holds.

Yes, it has been a "season of pruning" in my life. I've had to cut many things, and I do believe it will lead to growth in the areas I've determined are important for now. But frankly, I've given up a great deal. I've seen too much go up in flames on the sacrificial altar to have giving up more, like perfume or fried pickles, speak to me now. Sacrifice has been speaking to me in a whole different way of late, and I just don't think I'm spiritually in a place where I can really "get it" now.

That doesn't mean that I don't observe Lent. I believe it's an extremely important season, and in fact I've chosen to observe it in a different way the past couple of years. You might not know it, but giving up something isn't the only way to observe this season. You can also take up a new project to observe it, like joining a Bible study, taking up an exercise program, or starting a new project. Last year, my project was to finish up unfinished projects around my home. This year, it's to make progress on our effort to get our yard fixed up. So there are other ways to do it.

Yes, I believe that accepting something to improve my home and life is the way for me to go this year. Praise God that we have a choice, and many ways to observe this important season of penance.

That's all today. Take care and happy Friday to you tomorrow.

Bye!

What do you do when you realize that something in your life doesn't fit as well as it used to? Do you try harder to keep it, work around it to make it fit, or let it go?

I've found myself in this situation lately. As I completed the edits on Anywhere But Here early this week, I realized that there were many things that need to be done before the book comes out in April to prepare for publicity and promotion opportunities. One thing I learned with Blurry is that it's not wise to wait until the book comes out to start publicity - you need to start building up an audience ahead of time. Promotion, of course, takes time and effort and is necessary if you want your writing to reach the readers you wrote it for. As I was considering what to check and where to direct my promotional efforts, I took a look at my life and realized that I was hanging on to some things that were no longer serving the purpose of improving or building up my writing the way they used to. I've realized for months that I'm no longer as active on Writing.com or on Open Salon as I had been a few years ago. After Blurry was published, I shifted my focus to publicity and promotion for my novels, novellas, and long stories and found I wasn't working on short stories or flash fiction the way I used to. This realization caused me to pause and take stock of where I am and whether what I'm holding on to is serving the purpose of getting me to where I want to be.

So over the past week, I've been asking myself what my true long-term goals are for my writing, and what I need to do to reach them. I realized that I am a novelist at heart, and that in order to succeed, I need to build up an audience of readers and increase my promotional skills. In looking at my online activity, I realized that although I had invested a lot in Writing.com, I wasn't getting a return. In fact, I've lost followers/readers at that site as I've been more focused on maintaining this site and my activity on other social media outlets where I get more feedback and have more connections, like Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads. It was a very hard decision to make because once  upon a time, I loved Writing.com and got some great feedback there that I know made me the writer I am. But I realized that if I want to grow in my writing, then I need to prune what isn't producing fruit. Writing.com isn't producing anymore and I don't have time or energy to invest in something that's withering on the vine. So I made the difficult decision to suspend the blog at that website on Sunday and will not renew my upgraded account when it comes up for renewal later this year. It hurt terribly, but I need to focus my attention on places where I'm interacting with and reaching the most people.

With Open Salon, the decision was easier. I've never been very active on that site, and in fact suspected I made a mistake after a few short months of being there. I just couldn't seem to "fit in" and find the flow at that blogging site. So tonight I made my farewell entry and let that one go as well.

I think such realizations happen to all of us from time to time. We come to realize that something that used to be a part of our life is slipping away, and we have to make an active decision on whether to hold on to it, or let it go. Life is always changing, whether we realize it or not. Sometimes (like me in the past couple of years) you have major changes that rock your world and throw everything in a different balance, but things are still moving even when it seems like you're in a rut and nothing's happening. Slow motion can be very deceptive because it mirrors stagnation, but it's motion even if we don't perceive it.  If the sun rises and sets, then things are moving. People and things slowly pass through our lives and we may not realize it until it hits us one day that something that used to be around all the time isn't such a big part of our lives any more.

I think I got hit with a combination of the fast and slow moving kind this time. I did go through two major life transitions  a couple of years ago and as those were setting, I got my book contracts. These two blogs were there with me along the way, but I didn't realize until recently that their role in my day to day life had slipped as much as it had until I took stock and realized they weren't where I thought I'd left them.

Things do come and go in our lives, and sometimes it can be painful to face that something that meant a lot to you is slipping away. The natural tendency is to hold on to it, even if we know in our heart that it's season has passed in our life. It's especially hard to let go of something that was a benefit or comfort to us. And yet, pruning is the secret to growth. If we really want to continue to grow and be free to accept greater blessing and success, then we must be able to let go of what isn't serving our life anymore. Pruning hurts - no doubt about that - but it leads to better growth. Just as my roses will start growing after I prune them next month, so too will I grow from finding the courage to cut off this dead wood from my life. This summer, I hope to have more than just big, beautiful roses growing in my life.

Yes indeed, it's late winter and pruning season is coming to my part of the world, literally and figuratively. I have faith that it will lead to beautiful blooms in due season.

Well, here we stand near the end of the holiday season. Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hakunnah are over, and New Year's Day is on the horizon. But before we tackle the issue of the all-important "resolutions," I feel there's one more issue we need to discuss: Holiday detox.

Now that the meals are eaten, the gifts are opened, and the family visits are done, there's the usual "letdown" to deal with. It's time to go home, time to pack up the decorations, time to get ready to get back in the swing of day to day life again. But right now, we have a few days to kick back, relax, and "detox" from the holiday festivities.

Personally, this is one of my favorite parts of the season. Yes, it's a letdown when the festivities end, and you take the decorations down. But there's something nice about having the rest of this week to wind down, rest from the activity, and take stock. It's good to slow the pace for no other reason than to catch your breath, take a much needed break, and enjoy life without the stress of a huge "to do" list hanging over your head.

So take the rest of this week for yourself. Spend time with your spouse/significant other. Enjoy those presents. Eat some candy before going on that New Year's diet and exercise program. Waste time online, or watching TV, or playing video games. Stay up too late and sleep even later. Go out for lunch on a weekday afternoon. Hit those post-holiday sales. Dress down on a weekday just because ou can. The festivities are over so now is the perfect time to drop out of the race of day to day life and just be for a few days. Real life will start again before you know it, so detox from the holidays and life itself now while you can!

Who says it's the post-holiday gloom? These can still be some of the best days of the year, if you use them wisely!

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s almost here: Christmas, the most magical time of the year. Weeks of planning, coordination, and frantic planning are about to come to their purpose as that blessed date finally arrives. 

As we come upon Christmas, I’d like to urge all of you to remember the reason for the season. It’s so easy to get caught up in full schedules, gift buying, parties, family, friends, food and fun that we forget WHY we’re celebrating. It isn’t about gifts, decorations, meals, or Santa. It’s about the most wonderful gift that humanity has been given: Christ, our King who brings our salvation. 

We talk about family, friends and church. These are wonderful gifts, but remember that the core of why we celebrate is the personal victory that Christ gave us when he died on the cross and defeated Satan for once and for all. It’s our responsibility to claim that victory and the free Grace of God that is offered with it. Nobody can do it for us. This is a free gift offered to each and every one of us and we alone must claim it. This is a time to give thanks for it. Remember that we join together to give thanks to Christ for coming into this world. We give gifts to one another as symbols of the wonderful gift of Salvation that Christ has given to us. We celebrate because we know that we’re free from the devastating consequences of sin on our soul and know we have eternal  life. 

I know the days ahead are full, but please take some quiet time to reflect on the reason for all of the activity in the coming days. Otherwise, it becomes another item on the “to do” list. Christ deserves better than that. 

It isn’t about putting on the “perfect holiday.” It’s about celebrating the “perfect gift” that we have, now and always, throughout all of eternity. Thanks be to God. 

Merry Christmas!

As we approach the holidays, I'm reminded of holidays past and the gifts I received. Some, obviously, were winners: Jewelry and electronics are always a hit for me, as I imagine they are for most women. But there were some other things I received that were also hits, and they weren't big or glamerous - just useful and beneficials. For example, Rick gave me a ruby ring two years ago and I loved it, but he also gave me a pair of bedroom booties that I wear every night during the winter. Yes, the ruby ring was the big hit of the holiday, but those booties - well, I'm wearing them now as I type this entry. Obviously a winner too, and they weren't that expensive.

There have been some other surprises under the tree that became staples in my life and my home, and I'd like to reflect on that now. I'm not talking about the big ticket items, but those little things that snuck into your everyday life. Maybe you'll get some ideas for last minute gift shopping, or perhaps remember some winners tucked away in your own home.

1. An electric razor. Oh wow, what a time saver this has turned out to be! Yes, you can spend some money on these, but there are also some inexpensive ones that work very well. I believe the one I have was under $20 at Walmart. It doesn't give as close a shave and you will still have to use a straight razor every few days, but if you're a woman that wears pants a lot (like I do), this is a great item to have.

2. A firesafe box. Actually, we've been given two of these. One is file size for important documents and the other is a smaller one that I store my valuable jewelry, external hard drive, and other small but important items in. A definite must have for everybody!

3. A crock pot. This is a working woman's best friend. There are so many recipes and it's great to have supper ready as soon as you come home from work. Clean up usually isn't hard, either.

4. Slipper socks. I must have given the former colleague that gave me these a look when she handed them to me because she laughed and said "try them out, I know you'll love them." She was right. They were warm and comfortable and I have several pair now. They were especially helpful when I sprained my ankle and it was so swollen that shoes (even my beloved bedroom booties) were a problem.

5. Christmas china. One of the schools Rick works at gave him a 4 piece place setting of china back in the days when the economy was better. At first I thought "what the heck are we gonna do with that?" until we hosted a few holidays and parties at our house. It was a hit, and nice to have too.  

6. Picture frames. This is getting more rare as a gift with digital cameras, but they still make great gifts for people you know that do needlearts. That small collection of frames I collected in the early days of our marriage were used to frame many counted cross stitch projects.

7. Fleece blankets. This was another one of those gifts that raised eyebrows until I used them. Very good to have when the winter gets cold.

8. A flash drive. I know it doesn't sound like much of a gift, but it's so important to back up your data. Target has many brands with great storage capacity for reasonable prices. Great stocking stuffer!

9. A laptop case. I didn't understand why Rick made  a big deal out of getting a good laptop case until he got me one for my first laptop. It didn't take long for me to realize how vitally important it is to have appropriate storage cases for not only your laptop, but all of your electronics that you plan to carry around. In fact, I used that old case so much  that it's wearing out, and a new case that fits the laptop I got for my birthday is on my Christmas list this year. I know it doesn't sound great, but cases for laptops, tablets, e-readers, or cell phones  make good and beneficial gifts for anybody.

10. Shower gel and moisturizer gift sets. I especially like rose and lavendar. Scented hand lotions are also a great idea.

There have been more, of course, but these are the top 10 winners for me. I know you can probably think of more, and hopefully you'll be giving some great surprises to friends and family this holiday season.

Happy Holidays!

December 6 is always a tough day for me because my maternal grandmother died on that date in 1987. I’ve lost many people, but that date stings every year – no doubt because of the holidays that wrap around this month. Losing people is always tough, but losing them during the holiday seems to cut a bit deeper. It’s something you feel more. I usually don’t talk about it much and do my best to be a “big girl” and move on, as is expected.

Until this year. I know it’s been 24 years, but I’m all grown up (middle age now, in fact), I’ve found my voice, and now there’s this great thing called the Internet where I can post things. And now, you’re going to hear ALL about it. 
 
One of the reasons why dealing with death over the holidays is tough is, naturally, because the entire world is celebrating, and you just don’t feel it. A hole has been ripped in your life and, as I said in my last entry, a date in red on the calendar doesn’t hasten the healing of the heart. I believe it was C.S. Lewis that said death is unnatural because people weren’t created to die, and I believe it. Death is such an aberration to our spirit, and that abnormality is especially evident in a season where we celebrate the birth of our Savior and eternal life. Emotions know no season and if they take a smack then nothing is going to expedite the healing process. Here they parallel the body. Don’t believe me? Burn your hand, break a bone, or sprain something today and see if you’re healed by Christmas. 
 
The reason I sound cynical here is because of the other reasons why death is hard to deal with during the holidays. Yes, the whole world is celebrating, and they don’t want to stop –not for you, or for any pesky little problem like (gasp) death. They want to be happy and have fun and by God, you aren’t going to stop them. I thought perhaps it was my still child-like perspective on the world in 1987, but in the 24 years since then I still hold to the opinion that:

 1.       People don’t cope with death well, especially during the holidays;

2.       The dumbest things are said at visitations and funerals; and 

3.       People can be incredibly selfish, rude, and insensitive in their desire to create “the perfect holiday” (which we have already acknowledged won’t happen). 

I thought it was because people kept telling me to “cheer up” and “be glad the holidays are here to help ease the pain.” I thought it was because people kept telling me to “grow up” and“get over it because it was just a grandparent.” I thought it was because people kept saying “you mother has it worse - don’t you owe it to her to get over it and try to make Christmas good for her?” Yes, people really said these things, without exaggeration. But the problem is that I learned it wasn’t just me when Rick’s grandmother died on December 21, 2000. I warned Rick of the incredible stupidity and insensitivity he was about to experience and lo and behold if he didn’t see I was right within 10 minutes when a lady walked up to us with a huge smile plastered on her face and said “What a wonderful time to go to Heaven! She gets to celebrate Jesus’ birthday with him face to face. But oh, your poor father, this must be awful for him. So, what are you doing to celebrate?”

If looks could kill, the one Rick and I gave that lady would have made her the funeral home’s next customer. I noticed she hurried away and we’ve never seen her again.

I wish I could say I’m embellishing these comments, but I’m not. In fact, I’m fighting a rare urge to name names here so the whole world will know who the igits are. But I’m not going to do it because the point of this entry isn’t to debate right and wrong. It’s to acknowledge that people do die during this joyous time of year and to guide you toward the proper way to help somebody that’s suffering a loss during the holidays. And so, I have offered my experiences to give a few tips on how to best console people that are grieving over the holidays. 

I’ve already hit on the first one. Emotional healing knows no season, so please don’t try to push people into celebrating if they don’t feel like it. Not for their sake, or the sake of the kids, or the family, or anybody. My mother and Rick’s father tried to put on that “brave face for the family,” and let me tell you – it didn’t work. Grief was the pink elephant in the room and everybody saw it by Christmas. Not only are you headed for disaster by not allowing them time to grieve, but you risk more damage by your selfish demand that the holidays will go on, come hell or high water. So please, back off. If they don’t want to put up a tree this year, go caroling or attend parties, don’t make them. Back off and give them the space they need. If you feel you absolutely must do something, do it in more practical ways that are not holiday related, like offering to bring them a meal, help them clean the house, or take care of the kids one evening. Believe me, they will appreciate you not force feeding them to a world high on Christmas more than any present under the tree. 

Second, please use discernment. Everything that flies through your head doesn’t need to fly out of your mouth, and as the non-grieving party you have a higher obligation to put a lasso on your tongue. This is true always, but it’s absolutely essential at visitations and funerals. This is not the time to be witty, wise, or philosophical. There are people trained for that, so leave it to them: You know, the pastors, priests, rabbi’s, therapists, psychologists, and others trained in the religious or mental health fields. I have no doubt that losing a parent is much worse than losing a grandparent, but that’s an inappropriate thing to say to ANYBODY, especially to a 12 year old that’s confused, hurting, and doesn’t know what to do. Logic doesn’t work in highly emotional situations like this, so don’t go there. In fact, when it comes to funerals then the less you say, the better. Just say “I’m sorry for your loss” and let it go. People in these situations don’t want a dissertation on dealing with grief or a lecture on getting over it. They want people to acknowledge how they feel and have respect for it.

Third, don’t take it personally. People are already stressed out this time of year and that tends to work on nerves. Unfortunately, sorrow and anger are part of the grieving process which can strip nerves raw and increase emotional outbursts. I know it’s awkward if somebody burst into tears when a carol comes on in a store, or shouts insults at the mall Santa, but unfortunately seasonal things that seem benign to most can trigger deep grief responses in those dealing with loss. I know from experience that it can be extremely frustrating to watch the world celebrate when a huge hole has just been ripped in your life, and sometimes the strangest things knock holes in those walls of restraint. Don’t make a scene bigger. Simply try to diffuse the situation as smoothly as possible, remove the person from it, and do your best to control your emotions so you can help them control theirs. They’re weak right now, so give them the gift of being strong until they are healed and able to be strong on their own again. 

I have a word for those of you that have recently lost loved ones, or that have lost them this year and are facing your first holiday season without them. Please know that you aren’t alone. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you are going through a natural process. Understand that it will get easier, but it can only get easier if you take the time to go through the grieving process in your own timing. So don’t try to be brave or try to sweep it under the rug  because it’s the holidays. Some people don’t get it, but that’s not your problem. They will one day because we all lose loved ones and have to deal with that empty seat at the holiday table eventually. The holidays come around every year so believe me, there will be more chances to “do the holidays” later. It’s ok to take a year off if you just can’t face it this year. It doesn’t make you Scrooge. It makes you a human being – and there’s nothing wrong with that. 
 
Finally I’d like to say, for the record, that all the people that said those rude, insensitive things to me in 1987 and to Rick in 2000 deserve a smack. So I’m saying it now, on the INTERNET, to the WHOLE WORLD, on MY WEBSITE right now. Consider this your virtual kick.

Wow, I do believe that’s something like Nana would say.

Hi everybody; I hope you're off to a great start to the week. Remember my last entry, when I said that the truth was showing itself? Well, it happened again. Somebody that turned on me got turned on by the very person they were defending. All I can say is to pick your tirades carefully. You look like more of an igit than they do when they show themselves. It's not judging in this case. It's truth showing itself, as it always does.

I tell you, reaping and sowing is so true that it seems people would have a reverential fear of it. Granddaddy certainly respected this as a life truth, and I see why. Heck, my own experiences have taught me that lesson, and other people remind me of it all the time. If I ever forget to check myself, I only need to live for a day to be reminded.

Anyway, moving on ...

I finally started my next writing project: Improving my skills at writing short stories. It's something I've long neglected. I've known for a long time that I need to study up on writing stronger short stories, but I've always pushed it to the background to work on novels. Well, I'm ready now. I found a couple of ebooks on writing better short stories, and I did a couple of drafts of 600+ word stories that I posted to my portfolio at Writing.com for feedback. I hope this works as well as it did with the novels. I made progress with them fast - in a matter of months! We'll see. 

Hopefully, my meeting schedule is letting up. In fact, Wednesday is the last meeting on my schedule until February. That doesn't mean that some won't pop up. In fact, I'm certain they will. But the degree of formality should be much less. Nothing to up the ante on the dress code at least (I hope!). 

I can't believe it's almost Halloween! I know a lot of people said it was a long, hot summer, but it seemed to leave without warning. I was out watering my roses and thinking, I can't believe these will probably be my last blooms of the season. So I cut 3 of them and put them in a bud vase in the kitchen. One last taste of temperate weather. I'm sure the first freeze is probably a matter of weeks away. 

You know what I believe my problem really is? It's not the season, it's displacement. Usually, Fall is a natural season of winding down, but I don't feel like winding down. I'm marketing a book, have another one on the way, and am focusing on improving in another area of writing. I usually slow down this time of year, but I just don't want to this year. Then again, the reason I did that in the past was because we went into license renewals at work around this time of year - but since they changed us to biennial license renewals, well, there are no renewals because everything is valid through 2013. Wow, that's odd! This will be my first year without license renewals since I started this job over 12 years ago. No wonder I feel like something is missing - it is! It's amazing that this one change in my job is causing so many adjustment issues. I don't need to wind down at home in preparation to gear up at work. Everything is different, but you know what? I'm not really bothered or upset by it. I see it as opportunity

Yes, life has a rhythem to it and mine's been thrown, but I'm sure I'll find a way to establish a new rhythem. I've never done much writing in the fall before last year when I participated in NaNo, so this will  be carving out a new experience for me. I think I want to keep this up and see where it can go. It's refreshing, and kind of exciting!

Well, there are snippits of a little bit of everything going on in my life. I hope you're doing well. Somebody will be back later to update - and since I'm doing short stories, who knows what it will be? A character? A new draft? More in my Sidekicks to Superhereos series? Who knows? You'll have to stay tuned. 

That's all tonight. Take care.

Bye!