There was an incident today that I feel needs to be addressed once and for all. It's time to clear the air. So here we go.

I had a House committee meeting today on regulations for one of my programs. As some of you know, my job moved from one department to another on July 1, 2010. Moving two registration programs is a massive effort - so massive that we've spent the past year and a half trying to get things settled. We have our last bit of work in the legislature in  hopes of wrapping up this transition for once and for all and getting settled in a nice, peaceful routine.

I was sent to this meeting in order to observe and note what items the committee discussed so we could prepare for anything that needs to be addressed as it continues through the legislative process. Unfortunately, the plan I was sent to execute was disrupted when a former associate of our program (who is also a former colleague that worked closely with this program before my time here) showed up. Even though he is  no longer on payroll or associated with the program or my department in any way, he felt it necessary to use his clout to intervene when the committee was discussing my program's item. The intervention resulted in the natural progression of the conversation to derail into areas that caused the committee members so much confusion that they referred it back to the subcommittee in hopes of getting the questions cleared up. Translation: we took a step back today, which means a delay, which means that my department and the representatives for my program are not happy.

I'm not either, and this mess forces me to attend to an unexpected situation. There are, obviously, some issues with my former colleagues and associates that need to be addressed. And so I have decided to use this blog entry to address them in an open letter to clear the air and set the record straight, for once and for all.

Dear Former Colleagues and Associates:

I understand that transition is tough. Lord knows, I've been through my share. I went to hell and back between my job move and my in-laws moving to town at the same time in the spring/summer of 2010. By the grace of God and the support of some great, stable people in my life (meaning my husband and immediate family), I was able to not only survive two concurrent life changes, but to thrive as well. I openly admit that my old life is dead. There's nothing of it left behind. I actually came to it recently in what I call a "Frodo Baggins Revelation." Just as Frodo realized that his adventure changed him too much to return to his old life, I also realize that I'm not the person I was. You see me out and about and you recognize my physical appearance, but if you talked for me even for a few minutes, you'd realize this isn't the Sherri you knew 18 months ago. Great change has that effect on a person. In fact, I'd say that if it didn't then there's probably something wrong because it should. While the fundamental basics of who you are remain stable, a major life transition (or two) SHOULD shift your paradiam so much that it changes how you see the world and apply those fundamentals to your life. I've moved on and learned so much more than I ever thought possible in a relatively short period of time. It's shocking, but I also see that it was necessary. I needed to change. I needed to grow up more. I needed to lose my fear and to live more boldly than I was in the past so I can fulfill my life purpose now and into the future.

What surprises me is to find that obviously, you are having some problems letting go. To intervene in the affairs of a program that you gave up 18 months ago, knowingly and willingly, is stark evidence that seems to say you still haven't severed your own ties to the past. Honestly, it was the last thing I expected. You played it so cool during and after my move that frankly, I thought you were relieved to be rid of the programs and to move on without them and me. Yet today I (and the full House committee) saw evidence that you are still following our progress and seem to feel some sense of obligation to "look after" us. I can assure you that this isn't necessary. Really it isn't appropriate and I won't lie - there are some folks on my end of this that are furious about what they deem as an unwelcome intervention. Their ways aren't your ways, and the fact that they didn't send an entorage to this meeting didn't speak of negligence - it was strategy for future planning. And you blew up that strategy because you inserted yourself into business that really isn't even yours to look in on because you believe in "making things happen" instead of letting them progress.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not here to cast blame. I understand that it can be hard to let go when something has been your responsibility for a long time. These programs are as old as I am, so it's natural to feel some attachment to something that was under your wing for over 35 years. I also understand that I was very young when you hired me to handle these programs. I was a 23 year old recent college graduate and newleywed in 1999 when you hired me - but that was 13 years ago. I grew up, folks. I don't know if you realized it, but in the years I spent there I did grow, I did learn, and I did outgrow many things. I won't deny that I still have much to learn, and I can be my own kind of fool from time to time. But please, grant me the grace to be the igit I am, not the igit you assume I am because you know the 23 year old me but not the 36 year old me. And believe it or not, there's a great difference between those two people. The girl I was is gone. I'm a new creation now. You may or may not like it. I don't know, and it doesn't matter because I'm gone so it's pointless to ponder.

Likewise, the programs have grown. As I said, the department where we are has a very different way of doing things, but different isn't bad or wrong. In fact, it's been very good for them and they've come a long way in a little time themselves. They're evolving by leaps and bounds but once again, by God's grace we're making it. We're working with great people that work in a very efficient team and have dedicated themselves to learning these programs inside and out. We have daily support. And frankly, it's refreshing for me and for the Board members to be in a place where everybody knows what we do and understand the issues we face, day in and day out. I have met so many good people. I moved to a smaller agency and learned that the world was so much bigger than I ever realized. It's a paradox I know, but an interesting one that I find delight in.

You said when the legislation was drafted to move me that it wasn't personal, it was just business. That's ok. Now please, maintain your professional demeanor. Today was awkward. Let's not do that again. If you wonder how I'm doing or how the programs are doing, please do it right. You know where to find us. Swallow your pride and call or e-mail. Please, let go of the past and entrust us and yourselves to the present. Believe, as we do, that everything happens for a reason. This move went through because the Lord willed it to go through. For whatever reason, He deemed this the time and place for our program to pass from one place to another and change isn't bad. It just provides the tools for moving forward. We do appreciate all that you did for us in the past, but we aren't your responsibility anymore. It's been 18 months and it's time for all of us to move on.

So please, let go. It's not personal OR business anymore. It's just reality. And I know from cold, hard experience that's something that always catches up with you. So make life easy - accept it sooner before it kicks your butt later.

I wish you well in your future endeavors. If we meet again I sincerely hope it will be under better, more friendly circumstances. What I said when I moved still stands: I wish you no ill will as our paths diverged - just respect for what was and the grace to allow us to grow in our respective directions.

Sincerely,

Sherri

Two years ago, I opened my Open Salon blog with an entry on why most New Year's Resolutions fail. In retrospect, I believe I took the wrong angle on the subject. I should have taken a more positive and helpful approach by addressing what makes them work, instead of how they fail. In this final entry in the "Surviving the Holidays With Your Sanity Intact" series, I'd like to discuss this issue. Don't worry - it won't be a lengthy dissertation. In fact, in two years of retrospect and reflection on that entry, I see that there's really one secret to making those resolutions stick.

In order for a New Year's Resolution to work, it has to be something that you believe in. Simple as that.

Ok, maybe it's not so simple. We live in a world full of voices that tell us what we should do, what we ought to be. You should diet and exercise, they say. You should get organized, they say. You should break a bad habit, they say. Good advice, except for one thing: Who are "they?" And what do "they" know about what's truly in your heart?

Perhaps this is harsh. Maybe "they" are concerned friends or family members. Maybe "they" are colleagues or neighbors or acquaintances. Maybe "they" mean nothing but the very best and "they" really and truly believe that these suggestions are for your own good. The problem is that "they" don't live your life every minute of every day. You do, and if you aren't happy with it then you'll only be able to force yourself to do something to make others happy for so long before you crack.

Don't get me wrong. It is helpful to be held accountable, but the fact of the matter is that people aren't going to be there every minute of every day to hold you up. Nobody is going to follow you around to make sure you get on the treadmill, or avoid the vending machine, or tidy up  before you leave today. There's no substitute for self discipline and you're only going to have it if your resolution is something that is meaningful to you on a deep, personal level.

That's not to say that the common resolutions are wrong - just that you need to make sure you have a reason that is meaningful to you. Start the diet and/or exercise program to get in better health. Clean up to feed a personal need to get more organized and efficient in your life. Take that class in something that your passionate about. Write that novel because it's a story that you feel passionate about sharing with the world. Volunteer with that committee or group because it's a cause you believe in. You alone are the only one that knows what speaks to you, and I urge you to search within to find out what you truly long for in your life when making those New Year's Resolutions.

Thanks for joining me for another blog series! I hope this has been inspirational and helpful. 2012 promises to be another exciting year with my next novel, Anywhere But Here, scheduled for publication in 2012. I plan to take you through the journey to publication when it goes into pre-production in the coming weeks. I will also continue to work on publicity for my novels and will tackle another type of writing that I have long needed to improve in: Short stories. Stay tuned!

Happy New Year everybody!

Somebody recently came by my office to read a letter they received protesting a clause in a law that states that only licensed funeral directors can sell caskets. The protest letter stated several reasons why the law is archaic and outdated and closed by stating “I don’t know why a person has to have an education and two years of experience to sell a box.”
                 
“So, what do you think?” they asked. 
                 
“Well,”I replied, “when you put it that way, it does sound stupid.”

                 
I know that closing statement was meant to make the point in a simple and logical manner, but I believe they oversimplified the case. Yes, it did sound stupid –but when I was given the larger context of the comment, it seemed to me that they were oversimplifying the entire case. It made me wonder if there weren’t huge issues being glossed over in an attempt to be witty. 
                  
I wonder how often this happens. Sometimes, people say things trying to make things sound simple, but they don’t realize how much they leave out in their efforts to simplify. 
                 
Do you know another time when I believe this happens? It’s when people say “you need to have a personal relationship with Christ. “ I don’t know how you feel about that statement, but for years, my response was “how the heck are  you supposed to do that?” Even though I do better understand the meaning of this statement, it still strikes me in the same way as the “education and experience to sell a box” scenario. It skips the entire process and takes you straight to the end result. It’s like telling somebody to meet you somewhere out of town,
and refusing to give them a map. People need direction to make the journey. It’s great to know where you’re heading, but it’s useless if you don’t know the way. It gives you the end result with no hint or clue of where to find the train that leads to that destination.
                 
As Christians, we all know that Christ is the foundation of our lives. We are supposed to build everything on our faith in Him. This means that we totally let go and allow Him to lead and guide our lives. So, how do you do this? In my experience, it’s been a two step process. 
                 
First, you have to acknowledge that you really aren’t in control of your life. People are control freaks, and we want to believe that life is totally in our hands. The problem is, it really isn’t. Control is an illusion. The truth is
that God is really in control, and He will keep bringing things into your life to remind you of that fact until you finally accept that you’re riding in a sailboat on His ocean, and the only thing you really can do is adjust your
sails. And heck, you don’t even own the boat. He’s loaning that to you to make the journey that He laid before you. You can make your plans and that’s ok – it’s even advisable– but remain flexible and aware that tomorrow may bring an unexpected detour. 
                 
Second, you must have an active prayer life. Yes, God does know everything, but it helps us to pray because in talking to Him, we’re able to open our eyes to our own cares and concerns. Talking to God not only brings
comfort, but it helps us to know ourselves, and to see what is really on our hearts. Christ died so we could communicate directly with God in prayer, and that privilege is our lifeline to Heaven. It’s how we get Divine knowledge about how to lead our Earthly lives. How does this happen? It happens because it opens the lines of communication with our Creator, and it gives the Holy Spirit – you know, that little voice that most people call “intuition” – a place to speak in your heart. Through prayer, God gives us insight to our lives and situations  that we wouldn’t have on our own, and allows us to discern truth in times when it would be impossible by natural, worldly means. It isn’t magic by any means. Rather, it’s a heightened awareness of truth, and the only way to get it and keep it is through prayer. 
                 
This is how a personal relationship with Christ develops. It happens over time, as we stretch our faith muscles and tune in to the Holy Spirit working in and through us. It develops just like any other friendship develops, with time, dedication and effort. 
                 
Developing this personal relationship with Christ does have a lot in common with natural friendships. You will find over time that He speaks to you in ways that are unique to your personality. For example, I hear from Him
through thoughts and ideas that I know are of the Spirit. One person I talked to said they don’t hear it that way, but rather they see Him through how their thoughts or emotions change or shift on certain areas that they’re praying about. I’ve heard others say they hear from the Spirit by seeing changes in attitudes or situations they’re facing. He speaks to everybody differently because He speaks in ways that each individual understands best. 
                  
I know this isn’t a full explanation of what having a personal relationship with Christ means. I wonder if such a thing exists, because there is no one process for doing this. The journey is as unique as we are, and it wholly depends on who we are and how we communicate with our Creator. I just hope that these two first steps that I took to begin my own journey help you to see the starting point for your own. As you proceed in prayer, I believe you’ll find a better guide for the rest of the journey through the Holy Spirit.
                 
Now as for the education and experience to sell a box – sorry, I can’t help with that! 
                 
Next Week: The devil – no friend of  ours!

I had an epiphany in the church cemetery in December 2010 that changed my view on life.

I wasn't sure why I went out there that day. I ran an errand before work, and was strongly prompted to see where my grandparents were buried. I haven't been out there since Granddaddy died in October 1989, but I felt like I needed to go out there then to deal with some emotional issues before I could really move on.

So there I was on a cold, windy day. I overshot the row, so I had to walk to their plot. As I got to that place, I realized something: Despite over 20 years of history, I had nothing to say. I stood there with the weight of two major life changes that had recently started a new season in my life and for all the months of wishing they were here to give me advice - nothing.

I felt like a moron, standing there in a ridiculous looking hat with my work ID flapping in the breeze until traffic noise from the nearby highway snapped me out of my blank mind. That's when it hit me: Of course there was nothing to say here. Everybody in this place had completed their journey! This was no longer their world. They had passed their trials, had served their purpose in the world, and now had their reward. I and I alone was responsible for leaving this place and resuming my place in that world, to serve my purpose and to complete the mission the Lord sent me to serve.

That alone was a profound insight. It's what happened next that really nailed it.

As I walked back to my car, I realized that I parked next to where my great-great grandparents were buried. I looked down as I hit the "unlock" button on my car to see my great-great-grandmother's epitapth, which read: A GOOD AND FAITHFUL HELPMEET.

Something inside me snapped. I realized that I would one day lie in this place - and I expect the world to know more about me than that when I'm gone! "Oh hell no," I said to the wind, "I better leave behind more than that. I'm not a sidekick!"

I couldn't believe that an entire lifetime was summed up in a sentence that was nothing more than a passing tribute to her supporting role to helping my great-great grandfather in his efforts as the first pastor of our church, and his other endeavors. Who was she? How did she do it? What were her passions? What kind of personality did she have? We'll never know. Heck, I didn't even know her name until that moment.

At that, I left. It was cold, and windy. I was wearing a really stupid hat. And I realized I had stuff to do.

Now, I fully realize that women in the 18th century were largely defined by fathers, husbands and the men in their life. My point is twofold: First, it isn't like that anymore, and I think it's a pity that their identities are lost. Sure I accept my role as my husband's "helpmeet," but I'm also a unique individual and I have my own way of doing all things, be they God-given missions of my own or supporting others in their God-give missions. Second, I hate to say it but most people do still define themselves by others. They get so wrapped up in roles and relationships that they loose sight of who they are at their very core - the place in the center of their soul where the Lord made them a unique and wonderful creation. And they do it willingly to fit in with societal norms.

My purpose in this blog series is not to buck any systems, or to lash out against conformity. My purpose is to share this epiphany with you and to tell you the powerful truth I learned in the Mt. Tabor Lutheran Church cemetery that day: That we are all uniquelly and wonderfully made, and our ultimate purpose is to be the person God made us to be so we can serve the purpose He sent us to serve in this world. We shouldn't fear or deny who we are because everything God makes is good. That includes us. We need to embrace our authenticity and take our place now. Others might be able to do what we do, but they can't do it the way we can. God sent you to do what you're purposed to do because you have a way that nobody else that has ever, does, or will live can do it. We need to learn to accept ourselves and embrace what makes us unique!

Why? Because this is our world. All those who have gone before have served their purpose. Those ahead of us have not come to their time yet. lt's our world, right now, because the Lord has ordained it for us. We need to find our purpose. We need to own it. We need to make sure that the world knows we're here and that our presence makes a difference. Because that is, after all, why God sent us.

When I die, I want my epitapth to read "It's your world now. Go do stuff." Maybe that epiphany will spread. Maybe it will inspire the future. But that's yet to come. It's my time now, and I have to own it.

Because I have stuff to do. And so do you. Now let's get out there and own this world!

Next time: Who Are You? Devine Purpose, Authentic Soul.

Ok, I guess. At least, I'm feeling better these days than I have in a while, which is a very good sign.

I won't lie: Last year was the year from hell. I faced a great deal of change in my personal and professional life. I also learned a great deal about my life, myself and reality. I literally had to change the way that I thought about life. That was difficult, but it was also the best thing I did. The world didn't change, but I did. I realize so much now that I didn't see before. There were truths and strengths hidden in me that I never saw until the pressure of a changing reality forced them out. 

I wouldn't trade what I learned this past year, but I wouldn't go through it again either. Wisdom is worth the effort, but that doesn't mean that it's pleasant or pretty. 

I see now that it's time to move on. What's done is done and I've finally reached the point where I see the advantages of the radical changes that rewrote my life last year. Progress comes with change and I'm tired of beating my head against the past. What's gone is gone and it's gone for a reason. I'm finally ready to let go and move on. I've mourned what was sufficiently and am ready to embrace what is. I believe that if the Lord takes something away, it's because He has something greater in store, but we must let go of what's holding us back. I've already seen some new things come into my life that I have been hoping for, and the potential for more is shining on the horizon.

It's not easy to change how you think. In fact, I believe it's the most difficult thing in the world. But one thing is for certain: When you're unhappy and you can't change the world, then changing how you think is the only way to cope. There's a reason we lose control of life every now and then. It's God's way of showing us He is in control, and prodding us to be faithful and make appropriate changes to prepare for greater blessings ahead.  

I used to cal l such times of change "dark seasons," but I see that they aren't dark at all. I believe, in fact, that I've seen the light of faith and hope clearer over the past year than the previous ten years combined. And that's a good thing. A very good thing indeed. But I wouldn't go back. No way. Not ever.

Yes indeed, it's time to move on and I'm just getting started. I don't know what the future holds, but for the first time in a long time, I trust it's something good.

Thanks be to  God!