Two years ago, I opened my Open Salon blog with an entry on why most New Year's Resolutions fail. In retrospect, I believe I took the wrong angle on the subject. I should have taken a more positive and helpful approach by addressing what makes them work, instead of how they fail. In this final entry in the "Surviving the Holidays With Your Sanity Intact" series, I'd like to discuss this issue. Don't worry - it won't be a lengthy dissertation. In fact, in two years of retrospect and reflection on that entry, I see that there's really one secret to making those resolutions stick.

In order for a New Year's Resolution to work, it has to be something that you believe in. Simple as that.

Ok, maybe it's not so simple. We live in a world full of voices that tell us what we should do, what we ought to be. You should diet and exercise, they say. You should get organized, they say. You should break a bad habit, they say. Good advice, except for one thing: Who are "they?" And what do "they" know about what's truly in your heart?

Perhaps this is harsh. Maybe "they" are concerned friends or family members. Maybe "they" are colleagues or neighbors or acquaintances. Maybe "they" mean nothing but the very best and "they" really and truly believe that these suggestions are for your own good. The problem is that "they" don't live your life every minute of every day. You do, and if you aren't happy with it then you'll only be able to force yourself to do something to make others happy for so long before you crack.

Don't get me wrong. It is helpful to be held accountable, but the fact of the matter is that people aren't going to be there every minute of every day to hold you up. Nobody is going to follow you around to make sure you get on the treadmill, or avoid the vending machine, or tidy up  before you leave today. There's no substitute for self discipline and you're only going to have it if your resolution is something that is meaningful to you on a deep, personal level.

That's not to say that the common resolutions are wrong - just that you need to make sure you have a reason that is meaningful to you. Start the diet and/or exercise program to get in better health. Clean up to feed a personal need to get more organized and efficient in your life. Take that class in something that your passionate about. Write that novel because it's a story that you feel passionate about sharing with the world. Volunteer with that committee or group because it's a cause you believe in. You alone are the only one that knows what speaks to you, and I urge you to search within to find out what you truly long for in your life when making those New Year's Resolutions.

Thanks for joining me for another blog series! I hope this has been inspirational and helpful. 2012 promises to be another exciting year with my next novel, Anywhere But Here, scheduled for publication in 2012. I plan to take you through the journey to publication when it goes into pre-production in the coming weeks. I will also continue to work on publicity for my novels and will tackle another type of writing that I have long needed to improve in: Short stories. Stay tuned!

Happy New Year everybody!

No actually, we can't. But that's a common sentiment this time of year, so now is the perfect time for a lesson in reality. There are three reasons why we can't "just get along," at the holidays or any time.

Reason #1 is personality conflicts. Each and every one of us is a unique creation with a personality that's a complex mix of genetics, environmental influences, and collective experience. Modern science still doesn't have a clue as to how these factors mix to make us who we are, and it doesn't look like they will any time soon. What we do know, though, is that certain personality types just don't play well together, and there's not much you can do about it. We naturally clash with our polar opposites, and there's no way to you can see eye to eye with somebody who thinks and sees the world from a viewpoint that's so drastically different from our own that we can't fathom it. So if your spouse is the emotional polar opposite of one of your parents or siblings, expect frayed nerves. People can't see eye to eye on what they don't understand, and the best you can hope for is an agreement to disagree. Demanding harmony is like lighting a stick of dynamite and being surprised when it blows up.

Reason #2 is unrealistic expectations. Sometimes we expect people to do things they simply can't do - we want them to rise to levels they can't reach yet. Feelers won't become thinkers, fighters won't become diplomats, sci-fi fans won't turn to romantic comedies, and some people won't clean their house no matter what day it is. Can people change? Absolutely. Will they change? That's a personal choice. Should they change? That's an issue best left between them and the Lord, and it's wise to stay out of that territory.We could do ourselves a great favor to accept people for what they are right now - not what we want them to be, or hope they'll become "someday."

Reason #3 is that relationships aee copmlicated and sometimes things happen that create conflict that simply can't be repaired by the magic of the holiday season, It takes a long time to rebuild breeched trust, and that process isn't going to speed up because there's a date in red on the calendar this month. You must accept that we're all human beings and, by nature, are flawed. It's literally impossible for everybody to get along. Sometimes you have to decide which relationships matter the most and focus your attention on nurturing them, even if you must neglect others you'd like to make happy and even if you aren't asked to make the choice. It's not taking sides - it's good, old fashioned, common sense. Everybody in the world isn't going to love you. In fact, I can guarantee that at least 50% of the world will have a problem with you - more, if you insist on trying to make everybody happy. But at least if you're honest people will know exactly where they stand with you, and 100% of people appreciate honesty like that, even if they don't like you.

I know this is tough because we all want our holiday to look like a Norman Rockwell painging, but it would behoove us to remember that our expectation for a perfect holiday is art, and we live in reality. That doesn't change, no matter what time of year it is. You can accept people as they are and be happy with their best, or you can cling to unrealistic expectations and deal with inevitable frustration. Because when you fight reality, you never win. This world has been here far longer than any of us have, and trying to bend it to your will is an exercise in futility. You fare better if you accept reality and do your best with it.

The choice is yours.

Hi folks, it's me today. No, I'm not taking creative license by handing over my blog to my writing characters or my birds, and it's not part of the blog series. Today it's me here with real life, which is the stuff that blogs are made for. And today, I have a life lesson for you.

Did you know that truth always reveals itself? It seems that a lot of people don't. But some truths that have been carefully hidden for 3 years came flying out today. Yep, the masks fell away and people saw the nasty, ugly reality, complete with crumbs, dust bunnies, dead bugs and all.

The short version of this story is that I was asked some questions about the last place I was at today - detailed questions, complete with names and all. And I told the truth, which was unflattering to some people in my past. Oh well. They were warned. That's what happens when you try to brainwash people and the one thorn you could never quite "get fixed" gets away.

Yes, that's right. I said "brainwashed." It was a place where that was how the entire culture was defined. Everybody had their place and by golly, you stayed there "or else." The problem with that kind of mentality is that you always run across those strong, independent types that refuse to be told what to think. I was one of them and now, I see that it was the root of all my problems there. It wasn't personality conflicts, or fear over what wasn't understood - it was that they couldn't control me, plain and simple. I just wouldn't "settle down" and tame my renegade spirit. I rocked too many boats.

Well, they're too cool to care, so none of this should be of any importance to them. And I'm gone, so it's the past and really of little consequence to me. I tell you this story to make a point. There are always people around that will try to brainwash you. Always people that are arrogant enough to believe that they can control you - and that you should listen to them. I say bah. That's just crap. I hope I gave those people hell with my independent spirit while I was there . And for anybody else in my life that has the audacity to try similar tricks on me, I say this story demonstrates one very important thing you better take note of: I have a foot, and I know how to put it squarely up your rear if you DARE to try to brainwash me. This isn't just throwning down the gauntlet. This is the Hammer of Thor coming right at you and it's in your face.
 
I have my own brain, thank you very much, and I know how to use it.If you don't like it, you can take your happy butt right out the same door you used to come into my life, because there's no place for you here. I've broken free of those leashes they tried to slap on me and I have no use for that kind of shallow mentality in my life. God removed me from it, and I thank Him every day for that deliverance!

Yes, I'm a huge fan of fiction, but I also have a foot in reality. I realize there's no such things as wizards, elves, hobbits, Jedi, Sith Lords, demi-gods, superhereos, or even gecos and ducks that sell insurance. The truth is that in reality, it's no huge secret to how to impress me. I'm no respecter of persons. Titles don't impress me. Positions don't intimidate me. Power doesn't dazzle me. There's one way to get my admiration and respect and everybody on Earth has an equal chance at it.

You have to be a decent human being. That's it. Plain and simple. Honesty and integrity will get you everywhere. Anything else is smoke and mirrors, and I don't like magic tricks.

The truth is that most people are smarter than you give them credit for being, but few have the courage to admit to what they truly think and stand up for integrity. People have a inherent sense of when they're being deceived and they always resent it, whether they act on it or not. Beware the ones that don't comply with conformity. They're the sandpaper that rub on the rough edges of arrogance. They're people like me. And there are more of them than you think. Those brainwashed worlds are, in reality, very small. The real world is much bigger.
 
That's my soapbox speech for today. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time ...

Bye!

Hi all; I'm back. I guess you noticed that I've changed the format of this blog somewhat. I wasn't being very diligent about keeping updated, so I decided to open things up a bit and offer the characters from my novels and short stories a chance to drop in every now and then to give you their stories. So now, there's no telling who will be doing the updates. Will it be me? My characters? Or even my birds? Yep, even Zack, Chloe and Ollie are interested in jumping into the fray. 

So today it's me, and I'm here to report a little problem I'm having. It seems that a rut is developing in my life, and I'm not happy with it. No precious, not at all. Yes, I am frustrated and here’s why: Every bit of the progress that’s been made over the past 2 years has skidded to a halt. Things were good and heading in the right direction for a while but then, it seems people got  tired. It was hard. It required changes they didn’t want to make. So they’ve dug in their heels, got out their shovels, and dug a comfortable little bunker to hide in, hoping it will all go away. 

Aww, poor babies. Reality is hard. Well, I hope that hole is comfortable. As for me – no thanks, I’m not dead yet. I don’t belong in a hole. Or a box. Or a box in a hole. Whatever, the point is that I’m not staying in this place. Stay if you wish, but don't get mad as you watch my backside climbing out of this rut.

I didn’t come this far to quit.

I didn’t come this far to fail.

I didn’t come this far to give up. 

I’d rather try and fail than not try at all. And frankly, I’ve seen enough progress to know that success is possible. I honestly don’t understand why some people are so eager to give up when the goal is in sight. Isn’t it worth it to work through the tough stuff to get to the goal? I mean, would you turn back from a trip to Disney World because you have to go through a town with a paper mill and you don’t want to deal with a bad smell for a few miles? I wouldn’t. But it seems that I know some people who would. 
 
The bottom line is that I see a rut developing, and I don’t like it. There’s potential to see more progress and I want to see it through. Yes, I’m tired. Yes, I’m weary. But I’m not giving up. I know there’s no turning back and that people settling in this rut are deceiving themselves into believing that lie. There is no going back, nor do I have a desire to. The things that have passed have passed for a reason - they no longer have a place in the present. The purpose now is to move forward. I don’t have to stay in this rut, and I won’t. I’m going to gird myself up and keep going. 

Halfway isn’t good enough for me and if that's “expecting too much out of life,” well, darn right I do! So you can be safe, but I won’t be sorry. I still see the goal, and I'm pressing on. You can come with me, or you can be left behind. And that’s the way it is. 

So that’s where it is. I’m not wasting my time on people that don’t want my help. There’s still too much to do. 

That’s all today. I hope you’re journey is well this day. Look for my weekly installment of "From  Sidekicks to Superheroes" soon - that is, if I can claim my blog from my characters and birds!

 Bye!

Hi all; I hope you're doing well and having a great weekend. We have no plans for the rest of the day, 
so it's time to chill out. Dang, Netflix sent Thor last Thursday and now I wish we held on to it so we could watch it today. Oh well, I imagine it's in high demand and somebody else is waiting for it. Anyway, I'd better enjoy this slow time because this week is going to be busy - I have meetings tomorrow and Tuesday. Whew! When did my life take off like this?

I think that's a common question.I've attempted to twist my brain around major life changes over the past
couple of years, but I'm starting to see that I'm not alone. It seems a lot of people I know have gone through major life transitions that have caused them to feel a degree of isloation from life as they know it. It's sad that we couldn't navigate this together, but the nature of these changes have been very personal and as such, each individual has to cope on their own. We can say "yea, I  know how you feel" to one another, but there's really nothing any of us can do to help one another out in a productive way. It's ironic that you can know so many people on the same or similar journies and yet you feel alone. An example is that friend that died a few weeks ago. Lots of people miss her, and every person in our Sunday School Class has admitted that coping with her death has been a challenge. We did devote a class to discussing it, but in the end it came down to the fact that each of us is going to have to cope with our grief over her loss on our own. Comforting to know others' face the same struggle, and yet we must muddle through on our own.

Yes, it is good to know that my life isn't the only one that has taken off in radically new directions. There have
been some good changes and a lot of progress, but I'll also admit that some things have passed out of my life that I wasn't so ready to let go of. Simplicity is the biggest thing. For all my responsibilities, there was a charming simplicity to my life until a couple of years ago. It wasn't terribly complicated with multiple responsibilities and I wasn't bound to a schedule that had to be consulted twice a day. Not so anymore. Oh well. I hear there's a time and place where that trend reverses - it's called retirement. Hmm.

I guess the secret is to take each day as it comes and make the best of it. That seems to be where it's at right now, anyway. I'm starting to see the meaning of "daily bread" in The Lord's Prayer now. My life has filled up so much that "daily bread" is about all I can handle. And some people scoff and think I'm not busy because we don't have kids. Ha! I'll tell you the truth - when you're in those active years of your 20's, 30's and 40's, (and even into yoru 50's) something ALWAYS comes along to fill up your time. But life definitely doesn't leave you alone to plug along. It's more like a tidal wave shoving your forward, whether you feel like going or not - and you hope and pray your hard work and effort lands you on a shore you WANT to be on. At least it seems that way these days. Inevitably it will change. But when? And how? Who knows?

Well, that's all for today. I hope you have a great week. See you later. 

Bye! 

Hi folks; I hope you're having a good week. It's been really busy the past couple of weeks, and not just with writing. It seems everything in life has exploded recently in every area. It's like that sometimes, and I should have figured. The summer was relatively sedate - as sedate as it gets in my life, anyway - so I guess it was bound to happen.

*Sigh* It seems that the older I get, the more complicated life gets. Everything keeps growing. Don't get me wrong - of course, we all want to see the fruits of our labor and to see things grow in our life. I'm very glad to add "independent author" to my life, and I've worked 10 years for this, and hope it keeps moving forward. That's the whole purpose, after all. Life in the 21st century seems to be a complicated web of activity. Everything's always in motion.

Or perhaps that's just the nature of life. Maybe it's always been that way.

The ironic thing is; I don't want to give up anything..(Well, if my writing did well enough to not make a full time job necessary, I'd gladly let that pass out of my life :) But seriously, my point is that I wish everything would take it's proper turn. It seems everything happens all at once. Does my work schedule HAVE to fill up with  meetings right when I'm trying to get publicity stuff done for my writing? Do things have to take off with church committees when friends are coming in from out of town to visit? Do people addicted to drama have to start acting up (or rather, acting like themselves) when all of this is going on at once?  Does Chloe's neck spasms have to start back up when there are things at home that need immediate attention?

And yet again, I say it's probably the nature of life. I hear others complain of this problem. The fact is that the world keeps turning, and it doesnt' stop because it would be convenient to hit a "pause" button for a while. Each and every one of us must find a way to cope and to keep on  moving. Because  life does, whether we feel like it or not. 

So I suppose the point of this blog is to say that my life is rolling along, just like everybody elses'. Life on Planet Earth is progressing as it always does. We're all still here and alive, and by the grace of God, we'll make it. 

That's all today. Happy Friday to you. Hang in there and I hope you have a great weekend. 

Bye! 

Howdy ho, folks, and I hope this entry finds you in the middle of a good and productive week. I’d like to open by welcoming many new people that I’ve connected with in recent days: Friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter, and anybody that graces my Author Page on Amazon.com, where this blog has a feed. Some are old friends from days gone by and some are fellow writers or connections with writers. I welcome and thank each and every one of you. Thanks to all of you for the connection, friendship and support!

In honor of my recent book release and new connections, I’d like to dedicate this blog post by sharing a bit more about myself with you. Here we go!

Want to know what inspired Blurry? Nightmares. That’s right, the novel came about based on dreams I had about being in high school in college while Rick (my husband) and I built our house in 2007. Some say that dreams of school days represents a subconscious desire to return to a simpler time in life. Maybe, but I weaved a heck of a tale from those
dreams!

I’ve actually been writing for over 10 years. I started out as an inspirational writer and published a Christian book titled Battleground Earth – Living by Faith in a Pagan World in 2004. It’s still for sale on www.publishamerica.com and on Amazon.com . Unfortunately, my muse for the inspirational work went dry so I switched to fiction. I read an article on CNN about the rise of E-publishing last summer and decided that perhaps that would be more appropriate for my fiction work, so I dusted off a few manuscripts and now, here we are.

I’m publishing another novel titled Anywhere But Here in April 2012 and I have another novel in progress. It’s a sci-fi apocalyptic thriller titled Splinter and I do hope to publish it. 

The birds outnumber the people in my house. To you new folks, Rick and I have three birds: Two sun conures named Zack and Chloe and a budgie named Oliver. We lovingly adopted Zack and Chloe and rescued Ollie – the principal at one of the schools Rick works at found him in the school yard. And of course, being bird people, well, we wound out with Bird #3. Hmm. Do you think Ollie was really a rescue, or part of Zack and Chloe’s clever plan to shift the balance of power in our home from human to avian?

By the way, the birds have their own website. Rick started a test site when he was designing the church website. When he was done with it, he told me to do what I wished with it. So many people ask me about the birds that I decided to redo the website as theirs. You can check it out at http://conurecorner.weebly.com . It also includes some silly stories I wrote inspired by each bird.

I don’t have one kind of music I listen to, as it depends on my mood. But you absolutely cannot borrow one CD. It’s Cold’s “13 Ways to Bleed On Stage” from 2000. I know,  that dark stuff isn’t like me at all, but it’s catchy and I love it! My favorite songs:“Just Got Wicked,” “End of the World,” and “Bleed” (truly a ballad appreciated by all bleeding artists).

Movie that came out of left field and smacked me thissummer: Thor. That movie was awesome.

Movie that was better than I expected: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2. Folks, it was a bloodbath! And about time that people started whopping up on one another! That was too long in coming. 

Movie that wasn’t what I hoped: The Green Lantern. I hoped for less personal angst and more intergalactic warfare from my favorite childhood superhero.

What was as good as I expected: The series finale of Smallville. 

In case you didn’t notice, I really like science fiction and fantasy. Suspense is also high on my list. Romance is near the bottom. I’ve given it a chance and frankly, it’s unrealistic. I’ve been married for 13 years, folks, and I know the reality of romantic relationships. 
 
I don’t watch much TV, but I will make time to watch one TV show, and that’s Supernatural. I sure hope Bobby, Sam and Dean find a way to reign Castielle in, or at least beat the crap out of him in Season 7. After that finale, Cas could use a good whopping.

I don’t like having my picture taken. That’s why I don’t have many pictures posted. I don’t think they look like me. And I don’t own a video camera either. 

Pink is my favorite color. My laptop, my iPod Touch cover, several of my purses, and most of my clothes are pink. Yellow is my second favorite color, with purple as close third. I don’t care for brown or orange.

I like purple nail polish, strappy sandals in the summer, and hiking boots in the winter. 

I think Walmart is the fifth level of Dante’s Inferno and that everybody needs to get off the cell phone while they’re in there. It doesn’t help and that line to the outside world is a false sense of security. If you’re in Walmart, you’re still in Hell. I feel like I pay for those low prices with a piece of my soul every time I go there. 

I don’t have kids, but my first job was working in a 2 year old room for a daycare. So whine at your own risk because I know how to deal with tantrums “professionally.” 

I don’t lead or follow. I just go along my own way. And that drives some people absolutely batty!

We built in the woods and truthfully, I feel safer there than I did in a neighborhood. If I hear a noise outside at night, it’s likely wildlife doing what wildlife does and that’s normal. If I heard a noise outside at night in a neighborhood, that was nothing but people creeping around – and why were they creeping around at a late hour when they thought nobody was aware of it?

Speaking of living in the woods, we’ve disproved a few old wives tales in the nearly 4 years since we moved out there. Snakes don’t writhe until sundown if you kill them, especially if they’re hacked into 4 pieces. An owl hooting doesn’t always mean death is coming, and they won’t stop hooting if you turn your pillow over (they don’t know or care that you did it). You can’t overwater anything in sandy soil. And a yard light out doesn’t scare much of anything.

Well, I think that’s enough for this time. I hope you’ve enjoyed this silly list of trivia and that you’ll visit this site often to keep up with my continuing adventures in publishing and in life. Enjoy the rest of your week.

Bye!

I recently got a quote through Twitter that said “it’s not the hand you’re dealt; it’s how you play it.” I believe this is true. After all, we can’t control life. Many things happen that are beyond our control. The secret is; how do you deal with it? 

This is a topic that hits close to home for me, because I went through two major life changes last year that were the direct result of other peoples’ decisions. I had no say so in them, and the changes were literally rammed down my throat. Yes, I felt victimized. It definitely wasn’t fair, and I resented that other people were making decisions that were affecting my life. But I have come through, and I can honestly say that I feel my life is much better today than it was before the changes. How did I do this? Well, there are a few secrets to playing the hand your dealt and turning a hodgepodge of crap into a winning hand:

1.                  Take advantage of every opportunity, no matter how small. It’s the small things that lead up to the big things, and often it happens in incremental steps. My 2 E-book contracts are the result of an article I read on E-publishing last summer. I’d say that idea went a long way!

2.                  Realize that you have a right to work things for the very best in your life. No, you can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose whether to remain a victim. When life gets derailed, take some time to analyze the new situation and look for ways you can work things out for good. You often can’t control what people come into your life, but you can determine what kind of relationship you have with them by letting them know what’s good, what’s acceptable, and what’s absolutely intolerable in your life.

3.                  Accept what you can’t change and change what you can. There are some things you can’t change, but in every situation there are details you can control. I had no control over my job move, but I decided to demonstrate my skills and abilities to my new colleagues right away. As a result, my duties were assigned based on my strengths instead of putting me wherever they needed another body pushing through work – and I’m happier with my job than I’ve ever been.

4.                  Don’t let other people run your life. Yes, there are times when decisions that other people make will affect you, but these times should be the exception and not the rule. That’s a poor way to set your sails and usually leads to ports you never intended to visit, much less live at. Stand up for yourself and make it clear to other people that they will respect you as an individual or they will no longer have a place in your life.

5.                  Reaping and sowing is a real way to turn a losing hand to a winning one. It’s a real concept, folks, and I’ve seen it play out over and over again. What goes around really does come around. If you aren’t a person of faith, consider this: The universe only has a limited amount of energy, and you can only get back what you give. So please, be mindful of your words and actions. Honesty, integrity and hard work will yield fruit. Deceit, deception, and laziness, well, sowing those if fun but reaping them’s a witch.

6.                  Be thankful for what you have, and take care of it. Because why should God give you more if you gripe and complain about what you have? Do you know when I saw a breakthrough on building our dream home? It was after I finally accepted the home we had and dedicated myself to taking the best possible care of it.

7.                  Realize the Law of Undulation. I absolutely love this concept of the ebb and flow of life that C.S. Lewis presented in The Screwtape Letters. Life really is  a series of peaks and valleys, and you’re always at some point in that curve. So if you’re down, don’t fret because you will go back up. If you’re up, stay humble because things will level out. And if you’re in the middle, then praise God because at least you’re moving. The nature of the universe is change, which means that ruts are an illusion. Eventually, something will move.

8.                  Honesty and integrity always win the day. Do the best at all you do, and be honest. Truth has a way of showing itself, and integrity demonstrates character. You may suffer for it periodically, but in the end what’s right always stands while lies and deception dissolve into nothing. In my 13 years in the work force I can say for a fact that people that played politics and stepped on others to move ahead never lasted. They shone for a while, but eventually the favor ran out and the truth showed itself. It all goes back that that annoying “reaping and sowing” thing.

9.                  Don’t let fear be a factor. If the Lord brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it. I don’t care if you’re scared. Find your courage and bring the fire. We have a Savior that defeated the devil, freed the souls from Hades, defeated sin and death, and sits at the right hand of the Father. I think He can handle whatever we face – especially if it’s His will for our lives!

10.              Don’t be afraid of who you are. Be real. Be authentic. Embrace yourself, rough edges and all. Because when we stand before God, He won’t ask why you weren’t more like other people. He’ll ask why you weren’t yourself and why you didn’t appreciate the blessings He gave you.

Life may deal you a bad hand every now and then, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to live in defeat. In fact, you should fight defeat. Don’t settle for life trapped in a box or accept bad things for yourself. Stand up, be yourself, and do all you can to make the hand you have a winning one!

That's my soapbox speech for today. More later. I hope the rest of the week is great.

Bye!