Ok, this entry is a little over a week late but considering that I was in Florida last week, well, better late than never, right?

I think we all know what Lent is - the 40 days prior to Holy Week and Easter that symbolize Christ's 40 days wandering in the desert and being tempted by Satan. The season is observed as a season of penance when we reflect on our sinfulness and mortality, and the sacrifice that Christ made to save us. As part of this, many people give up something during these 40 days. Food and beverage sacrifices are very popular - caffine, alcohol, chocolate, deserts - but anything that you like will do. I've given up reading, perfume and scented lotions, listening to CD's, and polishing my nails to name a few. However, I haven't given anything up for the past couple of years and in fact, I'm not giving anything up this year either. Why? Frankly, it's because the theme of sacrifice has been too regular in my life for a season observation to mean much to me right now.

Let me explain. Most people know that my life has changed drastically over the past couple of years. Sure there were some things that weren't by choice, but the truth is that most of it was based on decisions that Rick and I made: We chose to adopt 2 more birds and to get more involved at church, I chose to publish my writing and to become an independent author, and Rick chose to do website work on the side. These aren't decisions that we made lightly. We did pray about them and talk about them, and in the end we decided that the timing and season in our lives are right for these things. However, the fact remains that there are still only 24 hours in a day, and we can only do so much. That meant that, for us to have time to dedicate to these great new things in our lives, we had to make a decision to let some old things go. For example, I have made the decision to give up:

1. Cross stitching. This was tough because I enjoyed it, but the fact is that it's very time consuming - and so is drumming up publicity for my writing. Since I still have to work full time I had to make a decision: Would I rather see my writing grow or my ability in this craft grow? Being a writer has been a lifelong dream for me so of course, I chose to dedicate extra time to making my writing work. I don't regret it, but I do miss stitching and hope this is a seasonal sacrifice and I'll be able to bring this hobby back into my life someday.

2. Watching TV. I'm down to watching only 1 weekly show regularly (Supernatural). I'll try to catch some things here and there if I have a snippet of time, but it's rare. The truth is that I'm usually so busy with other things that I don't really miss this. Or maybe it's because I've conditioned myself to not pick up the remote so quickly over the past months.

3. Vegetable gardening. One of my favorite things in the summer was making tomato and cucumber salads from what I grew in my own back yard, but when I got contracts to publish Blurry and Anywhere But Here last yea, I know I simply didn't have time to plant and maintain a garden, no matter how small I tried to keep it. Plus, I tried it the first 3 summers we lived here and it was never very successful. Oh well, the local Farmer's Market was glad for my business last summer!

4. Participation in several websites including Authonomy, Writing.com, and Open Salon. As I joined places with a greater outreach like Goodreads, Facebook and Twitter, I found myself on these sites less and less - to the point that I made the decision a month ago to be true to myself and back off. My focus just drifted to other areas. While I still want to keep improving as a writer, I must focus on getting in contact with readers too. They are, after all, why I'm writing in the first place.

I won't lie - it was hard to do this. The cross stitching was particularly painful to give up because I really did enjoy it, and I didn't want to admit that perhaps it was something meant for a season and not for life. But the truth is that I only have time for a few things in life, and I made a conscious decision that other things came above it, like church and writing. There's so much to do in life and our time and energy are limited, so we have to set priorities for ourselves.

Every now and then, you have to ask yourself what you want to see bear fruit in your life and dedicate yourself to that. Right now, I want to see my faith, home/family, and writing bear fruit, so that's where I must focus for now. And I am, but it means letting some other things go for a time while these things are at the forefront of my life. Maybe some of these things will come back someday and maybe they won't. Who knows what the future holds.

Yes, it has been a "season of pruning" in my life. I've had to cut many things, and I do believe it will lead to growth in the areas I've determined are important for now. But frankly, I've given up a great deal. I've seen too much go up in flames on the sacrificial altar to have giving up more, like perfume or fried pickles, speak to me now. Sacrifice has been speaking to me in a whole different way of late, and I just don't think I'm spiritually in a place where I can really "get it" now.

That doesn't mean that I don't observe Lent. I believe it's an extremely important season, and in fact I've chosen to observe it in a different way the past couple of years. You might not know it, but giving up something isn't the only way to observe this season. You can also take up a new project to observe it, like joining a Bible study, taking up an exercise program, or starting a new project. Last year, my project was to finish up unfinished projects around my home. This year, it's to make progress on our effort to get our yard fixed up. So there are other ways to do it.

Yes, I believe that accepting something to improve my home and life is the way for me to go this year. Praise God that we have a choice, and many ways to observe this important season of penance.

That's all today. Take care and happy Friday to you tomorrow.

Bye!

I almost wrote this entry months ago when the sex scandal at Penn State broke but for some reason, I held back. In light of today's news that Joe Paterno passed from lung cancer, I'm breaking loose. And here's why:

The media are a bunch of hypocrites. Plan and simple, and this is the truth. The same people that lambasted the man for "not doing enough" months ago are now posting heartwarming articles like the one at http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=dw-wetzel_joe_paterno_obituary_012212 saying aww - he was a great man with that one bad thing. But now that he died, let's put it aside and remember the great man he was.

Bullcrap. You didn't care to remember his legacy in October. NOW you want to  honor him? Take a look in the mirror, you vultures. The man was dying of cancer and you turned on him like a pack of wolves. Have any of you seen someone struggling with lung cancer? I have. A friend of mine at church lost a year long battle with lung cancer on my birthday in August. It was hell to watch. Absolutely awful. I beg my co-worker that smokes to please stop because I've seen how lung cancer literally eats you alive. It's ugly, painful and brutal. And while Paterno was going through that, the media ripped his reputation and legacy to shreds because "he could have done more."

So is that where we're going now? We're going to charge people for not being their brother's keeper? For not acting when we BELIEVE they should have acted? Ok then, when I was 12 my grandmother died. I was devistated. I turned to many adults to find out how to cope. You know what they said? "It's just a grandparent. This is worse for your mother. Get over it. Others are suffering more."

Ok then, at age 36 I still believe that was a rude and completely inappropriate response to a 12 year old reaching out for help. Say "I don't know" if you're stumped, but don't get your attitude on, especially with a kid. Can I haul those people in and charge them with psychological damage?

Or how about this - when my job was transferred a couple of years ago, it came to light that many things that should have been done weren't. In fact, in some aspects of my job I was improperly trained. Corners were cute and some mistakes of huge proportions were made because the programs were not being given the support they were supposed to have. Can I haul my former colleagues in and charge them with sabatoging these programs and my professional integrity for not handling them properly and for making me look like an igit to my new colleagues? Can I bring them and hold them responsible for me and my current colleagues having to go into a second year of cleaning up things that were messed up, lost or forgotten because of their negligence?

In both of these examples, I believe you'd hear more squawking than an avery with a snake in it.

And on the flip side, I'm not sure I'd even want to go there. I can think of times when I could have done better and didn't. Like Paterno, I can think of times when I just didn't know what to do, so I tried to turn it over to those that I believed had more knowledge and power, only to find that they didn't. I've failed to take responsibility. I've let people down. If everybody I failed hauled me in and held me responsible, I believe every person I ever knew would have a case against me.
 
The point is that we're all human and we make mistakes. We make errors in judgement that have adverse impacts on others. We hurt others with bad decisions. We let other people down by not doing enough or by letting things go when we should act but fear to because we don't know what to do. We fail people by passing off responsibility for things we should act on because we believe others are more competent to handle it. We all fall short. We all fail. If we're going to get into charging people for not doing "good enough," then we're all guilty. So what then? What do you do when every human being on earth is guilty of hurting others? What's the penalty? What's fair? What's right?

I believe that the powers that be in the Paterno case were looking for a big name scapgoat and they found it in Paterno. That was a pretty lame charge to fire him on. He admitted his fault. To tarnish him when he was humble enough to admit what he did wrong makes the accusers more guilty than he was. They played God, and they showed the whole world why they were woefully incompetent in playing the role of the Almighty.

Well, Paterno is with God now. The truth is known and the "big picture" impact of his role in this situation is determined. We on earth can no longer judge him or hold him accountable because he's already answered to the ultimate authority. So now it leaves the rest of us in the awkward situation (of our own making) to determine Paterno's legacy. Will we have the grace to remember him as the great man he was, or will we continue to be hypocrites and judge him guilty for this one error? Whatever happens, it will reflect on those of us left behind throughout the ages.

And as for the rest of it, well, I suppose this forces the media to focus on Sandusky, the real villian in this story, and not a side character.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s almost here: Christmas, the most magical time of the year. Weeks of planning, coordination, and frantic planning are about to come to their purpose as that blessed date finally arrives. 

As we come upon Christmas, I’d like to urge all of you to remember the reason for the season. It’s so easy to get caught up in full schedules, gift buying, parties, family, friends, food and fun that we forget WHY we’re celebrating. It isn’t about gifts, decorations, meals, or Santa. It’s about the most wonderful gift that humanity has been given: Christ, our King who brings our salvation. 

We talk about family, friends and church. These are wonderful gifts, but remember that the core of why we celebrate is the personal victory that Christ gave us when he died on the cross and defeated Satan for once and for all. It’s our responsibility to claim that victory and the free Grace of God that is offered with it. Nobody can do it for us. This is a free gift offered to each and every one of us and we alone must claim it. This is a time to give thanks for it. Remember that we join together to give thanks to Christ for coming into this world. We give gifts to one another as symbols of the wonderful gift of Salvation that Christ has given to us. We celebrate because we know that we’re free from the devastating consequences of sin on our soul and know we have eternal  life. 

I know the days ahead are full, but please take some quiet time to reflect on the reason for all of the activity in the coming days. Otherwise, it becomes another item on the “to do” list. Christ deserves better than that. 

It isn’t about putting on the “perfect holiday.” It’s about celebrating the “perfect gift” that we have, now and always, throughout all of eternity. Thanks be to God. 

Merry Christmas!

It’s been nearly a year since my “graveyard epiphany” that spurred me to search within myself and bring my authenticity into my “new life.” The journey hasn’t been easy, but I believe it’s been well worth it. I feel more confident today than I ever have in my life. I now trust that I am where the Lord wants me to be, and that I can do whatever He sets before me because He Himself will work in and through me. 

God works in each and every one of us. He uses our personalities, gifts and abilities to do His work in the world. If we want to be vessels for the Holy Spirit, then it’s important to know ourselves because that’s how the Spirit will work in and through us. If you don’t know yourself, well, the Spirit can’t work in you because you don’t know what’s going on!

That’s why it’s so important to be authentic. We are each divine creations and everything that God makes is good. Don’t let Satan corrupt your goodness with lies. Don’t let him hold you back with despair, discouragement, and fear. You become your best when you fight these attacks and stand up for your faith and yourself to be the very best creation you can be!

When I went through my life transitions last year the #1 piece of advice I got for coping was to stay rooted in my faith and true to myself. Believe in Christ and don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. Of course the devil attacked through naysayers and I got admonished to “grow up” and“quit being difficult” in my attempts to work things out for a better life. I refused to suppress my independence and insisted on being myself and working things out the right way, and not the quick and easy way. Do you know what’s happened? The naysayers don’t have much to say now that it’s working out! I had to work hard – harder than I ever knew or imagined was possible, but things did improve, and it was because I refused to take a backseat to life. I wouldn’t be a sidekick. I insisted on being a superhero and I’m rising to it, a step at a time. If “growing up” means settling for mediocrity then I’ll never grow up – period.

I hope this blog series has been helpful and inspirational to you. If you have enjoyed it, I encourage you to check out my first book titled Battleground Earth – Living by Faith in a Pagan World. It’s available for sale through Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/Battleground-Earth-Living-Faith-Pagan/dp/1413733468/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1and through PublishAmerica at http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/shopdisplayproducts.asp?catalogid=5696. 

I’ve read many books on finding yourself, but I won’t bore you with an entire chapter of suggested reading. Instead, I’ll limit my suggestions to the two most powerful books I’ve read on finding yourself:

The first is How to Succeed at Being Yourself – Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny, by Joyce Meyer. This is actually the book that gave me the confidence to start writing and pursuing publication after years of falling away from the craft because I allowed myself to become distracted with things that I didn’t intend to have in my life permanantly. I learned that I needed to be true to myself and my calling if I ever wanted to find happiness. This is what I call a “get up and conquer the world!” read. It motivates you to do something positive. This book is available through Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/How-Succeed-Being-Yourself-Confidence/dp/0446532045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322012510&sr=1-1.

The second is Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  This is a daily devotional book that has the single purpose of helping you find your authentic self. Each day has helpful entries to guide you into delving deeper within yourself to find the truth of spirit. It’s not specifically Christian and is meant to appeal to a wide audience, but it’s powerful and motivation. This book is available through Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Abundance-Daybook-Comfort-Joy/dp/0446563595/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322012631&sr=1-1.

Thanks for joining me in my reflections on this journey, and I hope you will embark on your own path to authenticity. It’s a journey well worth taking and revisiting from time to time as you continue to grow and learn in faith. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

I think we all understand that life is a journey. We are continually striving to become better than we are, and as such there will always be bigger goals to reach for and bigger dreams to attain. Every milestone we reach, every dream we achieve, every new discovery we make, will change us. Although the core of who we are remains constant, we should continue to grow and learn with each experience. Our roles and functions many change, but who we are deep in our soul won’t. This is why it’s so important to strive for authenticity and to find your true purpose. The only way to make the journey successfully is to know who you are deep inside, and to know where you’re going. 

We’ve often heard it said that Christ should be the foundation of your life, and this is true. Remember, though, what a foundation is for – we’re supposed to build on it! Each of us were created to live in this world for a reason, and our job is to build ourselves up to be the best we can be based on this solid foundation. We’re supposed to construct rising layers and to build up ourselves and our presence in the world. If Christ is the foundation, then I believe it stands to reason that being authentic and honestly knowing ourselves is the ground floor. Everything else builds up from here and depends on the support of the layers beneath it. Christ gives us our spiritual roots, and knowing ourselves helps us to serve the world in the best way possible. 

I truly believe that we can’t relate to other people and perform to the best of our ability if we don’t know ourselves. How can we? How can you get along with others if you don’t know yourself? How can you do your best when you don’t know where your talents and abilities lie? How can you form solid relationships with other people if you can’t be honest with yourself? How can you succeed when you can’t accept reality? You may be rooted in Christ, but you can still get stuck in horrible ruts if you don’t take the next step to knowing yourself and to find contentment in what God made you to be. 

So what is contentment? It’s accepting the reality of where you are and working to strive for better. Life certainly isn’t perfect, and sometimes it can take you to dark places. This is the ugly underside of reality in an imperfect world. Life is going to hurt from time to time, and we may be completely dissatisfied with where we are. I certainly understand. I mentioned that I went through major changes in my personal and work life in 2010 and believe me, that was a special kind of hell. For many months I literally had no peace no matter where I went because battles raged all around me. Change is tough. It was hard enough to face two major transitions, but add to that the fact that change makes people very nervous and irritable and you understand what I mean by facing battles on every front. 

How did I make it through? First, I believed in the promises that the Lord knows His plans for me and they are for good (Jeremiah 29:11) and that all things work together for good for those who love Christ and are called to His purpose (Romans 8:28). These promises, from the foundation of my faith, gave me the courage to stand up and take charge of my life. I claimed my life as my own and acknowledged that, although I couldn’t help the changes or control them, I certainly had a right to work them for the best. I sought advice from others I trusted, took advantage of every opportunity, and kept my eyes on the goal of coming through these transitions to building a life that was better than the one I had before. I wasn’t happy with my life, but I found contentment in knowing that the Lord was leading me through a transition that was taking me to a better life. I can honestly say that my life is better today than it was two years ago, and I’m grateful for that. It wasn’t easy – it fact, it was brutally painful in spirit– but I feel I’ve come out wiser and with knowledge and experience that will guide me through whatever comes next. 

I believe this story shows that contentment doesn’t mean that things are perfect. As I said, we live in an imperfect world, and if you reserve your happiness for that magic day when it all comes together then you won’t be happy a day in your life. Contentment means accepting reality. It means resting in the Lord. It means being true to yourself. It means doing the very best you can in everything you do. And I do believe that is the secret to joy. It’s not an elated happiness or a dopamine high, but rather a sense of peace in doing the best you can with what the Lord has given you.

I think we owe it to everybody: God, ourselves and the world, to be authentic. After all, we are all part of the Body of Christ. We do His work in the world now. Isn’t that a job worth offering your absolute best for?

I recently heard a sermon on BBN about how the Book of Nehemiah shows 4 ways the devil trys to stop people from doing God's will. They are derision, discouragement, destruction and division. I think this is pretty accurate. After all, God doesn't attack us. He usually changes our circumstances and/or prompts a change of mind and heart within us if the intervention is Holy and an effort to put us on a right path. I believe my story from yesterday's entry showed this at work. There were no attacks in that situation; simply changing circumstances which eventually lead me to a change of heart. Certainly I could have continued to pursue an advanced degree in a different program, but the experience shifted my desires to other areas. In fact, I felt strongly prompted to pursue writing after this incident and I had an experience last year that showed all 4 of these steps at work to divert me from what I felt prompted to do.

In April 2010 I had an idea for an apocolyptic sci-fi thriller novel. I had just completed the manuscript for Anywhere But Here, and frankly I was surprised to have an idea for another novel so soon after completing one. I'm usually exhausted and novel ideas come, at best, every 2-3 years. I was excited to already have another potential project, so I immediately dug in and began writing the first chapter of this new piece. Frankly, it was the only excitement I had in the area of writing. I hadn't had anything published in over three years, and a contract that I was offered a year earlier fell through when the publisher filed for bankruptcy (see discouragement and destruction at work). This lack of success had caused enthusiasm to wane over my writing, and people that had been so excited when I published Battleground Earth in 2004 had now dismissed my writing as nothing more than a "nice little hobby" (see derision at work). Through this dry period I did pray about whether it was a sign to stop writing and move on, but the ideas kept coming and I continued to feel compelled and prompted to continue writing, even if the stories never made it any further than my hard drive.

My progress didn't make it past the first chapter, though, because I got tendinitis in my right wrist. It took about 8 weeks to heal. During that time I had to keep my typing to a minimum. I prayed and felt that I should use the time to research and further develop this novel. In fact, I decided to use the entire summer for this task and to enter this novel idea in the 2010 National Novel Writing Month challenge for 2010. That gave me 5 months to research, brainstorm, outline, and prepare to write the rough draft of the novel, and it would finally give me a chance to enter this writing challenge that I'd had my eye on and thought about entering for many years.

I tentatively call the tendinitis a destruction attack on me. I say "tentatively" because I am aware that the tendinitis was caused by typing at work all day and then coming home and typing at night to write Anywhere But Here, so the injury was a result of actions that I knowingly and willingly took.It was just the timing of the injury and the fact that my left wrist wasn't hurt at all that made me suspicious.

I proceeded with my plan and come November 1, 2010 I was ready to start on the novel. I was fully healed and had plenty of notes ready to go. I made great progress for the first few days. I was going through a major life transition at the time from major changes in my personal and professional life, but I felt that I was on a right path. In fact, writing Splinter for NaNo felt like a claim of independence; like a way of saying this is  my life and I'm taking it and putting it together my way. It was a personal victory for me.

Unfortunately, the devil had his last punch to pack, and he gave me a wallop right when I didn't need it. It was at that time that other people in my life decided that they had a whole lot of problems with all of these changes, and it was time to do something about it. Tempers exploded and I saw sides of people that I had known for years that had never come out. They weren't angry at me, but since the change was centered around me then I was viewed as the linchpin of it all, and they saw me as the one to "make things right." They were mad at circumstances, mad at situations, and yes, mad at one another. I tried to soothe them, but tempers raged on. I even pointed out, as gently as I could, that they were reacting violently to things that usually didn't bother them, or were minor irritations. Occasionally they would stop, look stunned, say "you're right, that's wierd," then proceed to keep screaming about everything wrong with the world. Most of the time, they said I was crazy and needed to do something about things NOW. (See division at work.)

Once again, I prayed about the situation and this time, I had what can only be called a divine inspiration: Don't worry about anything else; just finish that rough draft as quickly as possible. Ignore everything else until it's done and deal with people once you get this story, which has been percolating in your head for months, out of the brain and onto the hard drive. Until then, reality can wait.

That's exactly what I did. I quit socializing, cleared my calendar, only did the bare essentials, and pounded away at that manuscript in every free minute I could squeeze out of my days. I amazed myself by finishing a 51,000 word first draft of Splinter by November 15.

A funny thing happened when I cautiously re-emerged back to reality. World War 3 hadn't broken out, and nobody had killed anybody else. In fact, all those tempers quieted. Most of them slunk away in silence, but a few did express shock and dismay at their behavior. They couldn't believe they had reacted so violently to things that were nothing more than minor irriations and didn't understand. I knew exactly what it was. Satan lit them with some hell fire to stop me, but when I wasn't there to burn then it was useless so he took it from them. I could have easily stayed angry at them and cast blame and judgement, but I realized it as an attack of division and didn't want to allow it to succeed on any level. It was hard, but I made an active decision to forgive and let it go.

I'd like to say that the devil just went away after that, but the truth is that I faced similar attacks every single time I worked on Splinter. Every rewrite, every edit, every proofread it happened. People saying they couldn't believe I was still at it when I clearly wasn't going to get published again. Illness, computer problems and yes, those tempers did flare back up every single time. But you know what? I prayed for protection, I persevered, and with the Lord's grace and help, I finished the manuscript last month. It's in the submittal process now and I pray that protection and help continue to bring it to publication.

Another thing did happen in the wake of all of this. I was offered e-book contracts for Blurry and Anywhere But Here, finally ending a 4 year publication dry spell. I also got several flash fiction pieces and a couple of short stories posted online, and that success gave me the confidence to self publish two more pieces: Quarantine, a suspense novellette, and Resonance, a horror long story. Thanks be to God that the opportunities offered by e-publishing took me from “a nice little hobby” to being an Independent Author!

The point of this story is to show that you will come up against opposition when you try to do God's will by finding your authentic self, but the rewards of perseverence are great. Prayer is absolutely essential - in fact, it's key. I think you see in my tale that prayer is how I channeled the Lord's power into my life. Through it, He provided me with wisdom, healing and protection. I can tell you for a fact that if He will do it for me, He will do it for everybody. God is no respector of persons. If you love and trust Him, He will provide, protect and comfort you.

I know it's discouraging to find you'll have to fight the devil to be who you were made to be, but the fact is that you're going to fight him no matter what you do. Satan will taunt you whether you do what he wants or not, so you might as well claim Christ's victory and piss off the devil every chance you get. Because face it: With Satan you can't win, but with Christ you can't lose. That is the most universal truth there is.

Thanks for sticking with me through 2 life tales. I hope that my experiences have given you insight for your own life and perhaps inspiration for dealing with situations that you face. Take care and keep fighting the good fight.

Next time: Personality Quirks - What's Sin, What's There For a Reason.

In this fourth entry of the From Sidekicks to Superheroes series, I’d like to talk about the devil. My point is rather fundamental – it’s that the devil does resist us when we try to be all we were meant to be. Simply stated, he lets no good deed go unpunished. The entire reason why sin and evil exist is because Satan hates humanity and wantsus to suffer. Period. He’s not going to let us have an easy life and we will have to fight the devil every day we walk this Earth.

 I trust you understand all of that. I did offer more in the way of reflection on this point in Battleground Earth – Living by Faith in a Pagan World and I encourage you to check that out if you’re interested. For the sake of berevity, I am going to focus this entry on making an important distinction that I feel many people fail to make: That Satan is not the source of all the problems we face in our lives. Although he is the source of plenty of misery and suffering, the truth is that the things we come up against are sometimes the result of our own errors or (gasp!) God Himself resisting us. Let me explain:

 Simply stated, we all make mistakes. We’re human and it happens. Sometimes, however, we’re so hung up on our own will that we aren’t willing to admit that we made the mistake. When that happens, God usually puts resistance in our way to give us an opportunity to stop for a moment and take stock. But if we refuse to heed these “warning shots,” then we become a victim of our own mistakes. Here’s an example from my own life:

When I graduated college, I intended to go to graduate school. I had all intentions of getting my Master’s Degree, but I was engaged and the desire to get married and start my own home was greater than further academic pursuit. Ok, I thought, I’ll take some time off, get established, and go back to school later. I did get married, we bought our home, and I found a job, which lead to a promotion a year and a half later. At the time my job had a tuition reimbursement program, so once my one year probation was over, I began looking into advanced degree program opportunities. As luck would have it, I did find one program that I was very interested in, and it qualified for the program. But that’s where the luck stopped. 

As soon as I started the application process, I got a memo that the tuition reimbursement program was being cancelled due to budget problems. This was a first “sign” that something wasn’t right. I felt some doubt, but I plugged on. I submitted my application and started looking for grants, loans, and other types of financial aid. Once they received my application, another “sign” came: One of the program administrators called me and said the program didn’t have enough applicants for the following semester, so they were deferring all applicants until the following semester. 

At this point, I had serious doubts. I had long dreamed of getting my Master’s degree, but the truth was that I was happy in my current job, and I was starting to wonder if it would be wise for me to take on this burden so early in our marriage. I finally, for the first time, prayed about the situation, and sensed that I was to do nothing for the time being. Allow things to unfold and see what happens. 

A week later two things happened: I found out that our household income was too high to qualify for financial aid, and I got a letter from the college stating that due to low enrollment, the program had been disbanded. 
 
Talk about a door slamming closed in your face! I heard the locks bolt and the chain slide too!  But I got it – the Lord had me on the path I was meant to be on, and a higher education wasn’t part of it. That was an emotionally and heartbreaking incident for me, and I brought it upon myself. If I had taken time to pray and seek His will instead of following my own ambition, I could have saved so much time and trouble for myself. 

There are times, however, when the devil does come against us. For example, that graduate program was reinstated several years later –right when Rick and I started the process of selling our old home and building a new one, in fact. We talked about it for all of 2 minutes before the graduate school option was thrown out completely, for once and for all. The timing and circumstances had finally come together for us to build, and when I took a good look at our life together, I realized that we had accomplished all we wanted by that point anyway without the advanced degree. I finally realized the graduate degree was nothing but selfish ambition for me. I traded “I” and “me” for “us”and “we” when I got married, and part of those marriage vows are to consider how what each does contributes to the whole; and an advanced degree contributed nothing to us as a couple. But I do feel like the devil threw that option at me at that point in time to see if we could be diverted from building our“dream  home” and the life that the Lord wanted Rick and I to have together.

 The point of this entry is that you must be aware of what’s happening in the spiritual realm if you hope to be authentic and have the victory that Christ died for you to have. It can be difficult to discern whether the things we face are satanic opposition, sowing consequences of our actions, or Holy Intervention, and I’m sorry to say there’s not an earthly litmus test for this. Your only test is that of prayer and the intervention of the Holy Spirit. If you lift up all things in prayer, the Spirit will reveal truth and show you the right way. 

For the sake of berevity I’m going to close with this. Next time, we’ll talk about the 4 ways the devil attacks us and how to stand up to it. 

Hi folks, it's me today. No, I'm not taking creative license by handing over my blog to my writing characters or my birds, and it's not part of the blog series. Today it's me here with real life, which is the stuff that blogs are made for. And today, I have a life lesson for you.

Did you know that truth always reveals itself? It seems that a lot of people don't. But some truths that have been carefully hidden for 3 years came flying out today. Yep, the masks fell away and people saw the nasty, ugly reality, complete with crumbs, dust bunnies, dead bugs and all.

The short version of this story is that I was asked some questions about the last place I was at today - detailed questions, complete with names and all. And I told the truth, which was unflattering to some people in my past. Oh well. They were warned. That's what happens when you try to brainwash people and the one thorn you could never quite "get fixed" gets away.

Yes, that's right. I said "brainwashed." It was a place where that was how the entire culture was defined. Everybody had their place and by golly, you stayed there "or else." The problem with that kind of mentality is that you always run across those strong, independent types that refuse to be told what to think. I was one of them and now, I see that it was the root of all my problems there. It wasn't personality conflicts, or fear over what wasn't understood - it was that they couldn't control me, plain and simple. I just wouldn't "settle down" and tame my renegade spirit. I rocked too many boats.

Well, they're too cool to care, so none of this should be of any importance to them. And I'm gone, so it's the past and really of little consequence to me. I tell you this story to make a point. There are always people around that will try to brainwash you. Always people that are arrogant enough to believe that they can control you - and that you should listen to them. I say bah. That's just crap. I hope I gave those people hell with my independent spirit while I was there . And for anybody else in my life that has the audacity to try similar tricks on me, I say this story demonstrates one very important thing you better take note of: I have a foot, and I know how to put it squarely up your rear if you DARE to try to brainwash me. This isn't just throwning down the gauntlet. This is the Hammer of Thor coming right at you and it's in your face.
 
I have my own brain, thank you very much, and I know how to use it.If you don't like it, you can take your happy butt right out the same door you used to come into my life, because there's no place for you here. I've broken free of those leashes they tried to slap on me and I have no use for that kind of shallow mentality in my life. God removed me from it, and I thank Him every day for that deliverance!

Yes, I'm a huge fan of fiction, but I also have a foot in reality. I realize there's no such things as wizards, elves, hobbits, Jedi, Sith Lords, demi-gods, superhereos, or even gecos and ducks that sell insurance. The truth is that in reality, it's no huge secret to how to impress me. I'm no respecter of persons. Titles don't impress me. Positions don't intimidate me. Power doesn't dazzle me. There's one way to get my admiration and respect and everybody on Earth has an equal chance at it.

You have to be a decent human being. That's it. Plain and simple. Honesty and integrity will get you everywhere. Anything else is smoke and mirrors, and I don't like magic tricks.

The truth is that most people are smarter than you give them credit for being, but few have the courage to admit to what they truly think and stand up for integrity. People have a inherent sense of when they're being deceived and they always resent it, whether they act on it or not. Beware the ones that don't comply with conformity. They're the sandpaper that rub on the rough edges of arrogance. They're people like me. And there are more of them than you think. Those brainwashed worlds are, in reality, very small. The real world is much bigger.
 
That's my soapbox speech for today. Thanks for tuning in. Until next time ...

Bye!

Somebody recently came by my office to read a letter they received protesting a clause in a law that states that only licensed funeral directors can sell caskets. The protest letter stated several reasons why the law is archaic and outdated and closed by stating “I don’t know why a person has to have an education and two years of experience to sell a box.”
                 
“So, what do you think?” they asked. 
                 
“Well,”I replied, “when you put it that way, it does sound stupid.”

                 
I know that closing statement was meant to make the point in a simple and logical manner, but I believe they oversimplified the case. Yes, it did sound stupid –but when I was given the larger context of the comment, it seemed to me that they were oversimplifying the entire case. It made me wonder if there weren’t huge issues being glossed over in an attempt to be witty. 
                  
I wonder how often this happens. Sometimes, people say things trying to make things sound simple, but they don’t realize how much they leave out in their efforts to simplify. 
                 
Do you know another time when I believe this happens? It’s when people say “you need to have a personal relationship with Christ. “ I don’t know how you feel about that statement, but for years, my response was “how the heck are  you supposed to do that?” Even though I do better understand the meaning of this statement, it still strikes me in the same way as the “education and experience to sell a box” scenario. It skips the entire process and takes you straight to the end result. It’s like telling somebody to meet you somewhere out of town,
and refusing to give them a map. People need direction to make the journey. It’s great to know where you’re heading, but it’s useless if you don’t know the way. It gives you the end result with no hint or clue of where to find the train that leads to that destination.
                 
As Christians, we all know that Christ is the foundation of our lives. We are supposed to build everything on our faith in Him. This means that we totally let go and allow Him to lead and guide our lives. So, how do you do this? In my experience, it’s been a two step process. 
                 
First, you have to acknowledge that you really aren’t in control of your life. People are control freaks, and we want to believe that life is totally in our hands. The problem is, it really isn’t. Control is an illusion. The truth is
that God is really in control, and He will keep bringing things into your life to remind you of that fact until you finally accept that you’re riding in a sailboat on His ocean, and the only thing you really can do is adjust your
sails. And heck, you don’t even own the boat. He’s loaning that to you to make the journey that He laid before you. You can make your plans and that’s ok – it’s even advisable– but remain flexible and aware that tomorrow may bring an unexpected detour. 
                 
Second, you must have an active prayer life. Yes, God does know everything, but it helps us to pray because in talking to Him, we’re able to open our eyes to our own cares and concerns. Talking to God not only brings
comfort, but it helps us to know ourselves, and to see what is really on our hearts. Christ died so we could communicate directly with God in prayer, and that privilege is our lifeline to Heaven. It’s how we get Divine knowledge about how to lead our Earthly lives. How does this happen? It happens because it opens the lines of communication with our Creator, and it gives the Holy Spirit – you know, that little voice that most people call “intuition” – a place to speak in your heart. Through prayer, God gives us insight to our lives and situations  that we wouldn’t have on our own, and allows us to discern truth in times when it would be impossible by natural, worldly means. It isn’t magic by any means. Rather, it’s a heightened awareness of truth, and the only way to get it and keep it is through prayer. 
                 
This is how a personal relationship with Christ develops. It happens over time, as we stretch our faith muscles and tune in to the Holy Spirit working in and through us. It develops just like any other friendship develops, with time, dedication and effort. 
                 
Developing this personal relationship with Christ does have a lot in common with natural friendships. You will find over time that He speaks to you in ways that are unique to your personality. For example, I hear from Him
through thoughts and ideas that I know are of the Spirit. One person I talked to said they don’t hear it that way, but rather they see Him through how their thoughts or emotions change or shift on certain areas that they’re praying about. I’ve heard others say they hear from the Spirit by seeing changes in attitudes or situations they’re facing. He speaks to everybody differently because He speaks in ways that each individual understands best. 
                  
I know this isn’t a full explanation of what having a personal relationship with Christ means. I wonder if such a thing exists, because there is no one process for doing this. The journey is as unique as we are, and it wholly depends on who we are and how we communicate with our Creator. I just hope that these two first steps that I took to begin my own journey help you to see the starting point for your own. As you proceed in prayer, I believe you’ll find a better guide for the rest of the journey through the Holy Spirit.
                 
Now as for the education and experience to sell a box – sorry, I can’t help with that! 
                 
Next Week: The devil – no friend of  ours!

Greetings, and welcome to my new blog series titled “From Sidekick to Superhero – Claiming Your Place in the  World.” This idea was actually born from suggestions from several people that I return to my first book, an inspirational self-help book titled Battleground Earth - Living by Faith in a Pagan World  and update it with lessons and life experience I’ve gained over the six years since it was published. It sounded like a great idea, but in looking over that manuscript, I discovered something shocking: I’m not the same person I was six years ago. While my morals and basic ideals haven’t changed, I have undergone a radical change in my perspective on life and the world that make the approach I took with Battleground Earth seem inadequate and, frankly, too elementary for me to return to. I feel I’ve moved to a new level and as such, I need to pick up at a point beyond that particular book. (Plus, I’ve also switched to writing fiction due to changes in the publishing industry since that time). I do welcome you to purchase and read it, though, because it provides an excellent foundation for the very intent of this blog series. 

So what is the point? It’s simple. My platform is finding your purpose through God and being authentic. I have always believed that if your foundation is in Christ, then the ground level should be knowing, accepting, and appreciating the person God made you to be and to build your spiritual house based on His purpose for your life. The problem is that we live in a world where things like authenticity and unique perspectives are not only devalued but mocked. I suppose it’s always been this way, so nothing has really changed, but with the spread of technology the pressure to conform is coming at people in means and ways that didn’t exist before. It’s harder to find quiet places to be alone and to disconnect with the world. It’s harder to turn off the pressure to conform. It’s harder to stand up for what you believe in and to find the courage to be yourself when you’re pounded with messages through the countless means of communication telling you to get in your place and stay there. 
 
Personally, I believe that I’ll be in a box when I’m dead, so I refuse to be trapped in one now. I also have a very strong and independent personality. Life experience has shown me that it’s actually very difficult for many people – maybe most – to be themselves. They don’t feel like it’s safe because they fear judgment from others, many times from those closest to them. They believe in Christ, but they don’t understand the freedom Christ brings. They don’t have to be in a box, but they stay there because it makes other people happy and it’s easier to stay there than to fight their way out. Rising above where they are might make others uncomfortable or unhappy, and they don’t want their individuality to cause trouble or pain to anybody. 
 
That might be the safe way and the easy way, but I believe there’s too much at stake to play it safe. First, life is too short to settle for the lowest common denominator. God created you for a purpose and the greatest tragedy isn’t how people reacted to you, but the fact that you will one day stand before Him and have to explain why you weren’t the person He made you to be, and why you didn’t fulfill the purpose He sent you to fill. Too many of us fear judgment from others when we should be concerned with the final judgment where we will answer for all – it’s the classic tunnel vision of only seeing what’s convenient today at the expense of the good of eternity. Second, there’s no guarantee that people will be happy or comfortable no matter what you do. People have an inherit sense of when people aren’t being genuine or honest with them, and they resent it if they feel like you’re wearing a mask. I know, I just said we live in a world that prizes conformity – but people also don’t like to be deceived. It’s a double edged sword. They want you to want to center your life around their desires/wishes/convenience, but the truth is that none of us were created to be a sidekick to anybody. God meant for all of us to be superheroes, and you’re never going to find peace, contentment or joy in your life until you mine that hero out of the muck of conformity and let it fly in the light of day.

The purpose of this blog series is to share my faith, journey, and observations with you on how I discovered myself and “grew up” into the person I am today. Experts are great, but sometimes it helps to hear from somebody that’s travelling on the road with you. Consider this blog series as a companion along the way. 
 
As we start this journey, I’d like to spell out a few disclaimers for you:
 
·  I’m not trained in the ministry, so this isn’t formal theology. In other words, this isn’t “meat and potatoes.” It’s more like your cup of coffee in the morning. It’s intended to wake you up and set you off in the right direction. There are many resources from those formally trained in theology and psychology. I’ll draw from some of those sources (and other media) and will hopefully offer you others to point you in the right direction for formal education on the issue of individuality. Here, I offer my experiences, observations, and personal knowledge to get you started on the journey of finding your authentic self.

 · This is Christian and it’s Biblically based. I’m not going to beat you over the head with a Bible, but it’s based on scripture and I will quote scripture if and when it’s relevant. And other things as well.

 · I welcome feedback. You may agree or disagree with what I present here. I’d never deny anybody their opinion. In fact, I encourage and welcome your feedback. If you agree and find some spiritual help, please let me know. If you think I’m coming from outer space, tell me. Writers need to know what their readers are thinking and how their work is being perceived and received.
 
Welcome to the journey! I hope there is insight, knowledge and spiritual help offered through this blog series and that we all come out of it enlightened and stronger than before. 
 
Next time – The epiphany that changed my perspective on everything. It was more recent than you think, and it will explain why I titled this series Sidekicks to Superheroes.

Bye!