I hate that song "When Peace Flows Like a River." It's a filthy lie.

I suppose that statement deserves an explanation, so here it is: I went to a funeral for a friend yesterday that died from cancer. It's the third friend I've lost to cancer in 18 months. To say I hope I never see the face of this ugly beast again would be an understatement.

Anyway, they seem to love this hymn at funerals. There's just one problem: No, it's not well with my soul. I don't understand why three people I know had to suffer like this. They were good people. They wanted to live. It seems so unfair that their lives were cut short when I look around and see people that don't appreciate a thing - or that play hard and fast, like they don't care about putting themselves or others in danger - and they keep going on and on. 

I hate that hymn because it's arrogant and it's a lie. Are you ok with anything that happens? Life can whollop you and it's just "well, praise God and glory be." No folks, not in the real world. Real people get frustrated. Real people get angry. Real people are confused and hurt and don't understand. I'll admit that I'm a real person and my soul's got problems. I don't get it. In fact, there's a lot I don't get.

Another reason I don't like this song is because it implies that faith means never questioning anything - just blind acceptance. You can reason out everything, even if the reason is simply "it's God's will." While that is true, and I suppose it all does boil down to that, it's been my experience that human beings aren't that simplistic. We do try to understand. We do ask questions. We do get frustrated and angry in our confusion and lack of understanding. It is through these struggles that we find what faith really is: Not a lack of questions, but an acceptance that we won't have most of the answers. That in the grand scheme of things it does make sense, and being ok with the fact that only God may know how it fits into that scheme. And most importantly, to realize that it's ok to not have the answers or to work through whatever processes we need to work through to get to this acceptance.

That's where I'm at. My soul does hurt, and it's confused. I know all three of them are at peace now, and that there's a greater plan that I won't see this side of Heaven. Intellecutally, it's there. Emotionally, I'm still on the journey to that point. I miss them and those absences do hurt. It's hard to remember that they won't walk through that door at church Sunday morning any more, that they won't be at that committee function or in Sunday School or passing by at functions with their cheerful smiles. The reality that they're gone and never coming back is still stinging. And I don't think there's a thing wrong with that sting. It means I feel. It means I'm still human. It means I'm still alive.

So no, it's not well with my soul, and I'm ok with admitting that. My soul is hurt and it needs to heal. I know the truth and accept it, but I'm just going to have to work through that process to get these pesky emotions at that same level. And I don't think I'm alone. Many others are on that same journey. I have plenty of company on this road. My comfort is that tomorrow is a new day. New mercies every morning. Great is thy faithfulness.

Now that's one I can live with.

That's all today. Happy Friday to you tomorrow.

Bye!

Rick and I visited a friend from church yesterday that's in a nursing home. She has cancer. It's spread from her lungs to her brain, and the prognosis isn't good - in fact, her life expectancy is in terms of weeks. This is the third person I've known to have cancer in the past couple of years, and honestly I hope it's the last. It's so hard to get inside peoples' suffering like that - not only theirs, but their families and friends as well. It's tough on everybody.

If there's one thing that I've learned through seeing three people fight this battle, it's that you have to enjoy life. It's not just the big things, like health, family, home and relationships either. It's also the small things. Like weekends, good books, free time, going to the movies, a good song on the radio, purple nail polish, and red roses. Very often, it's the small things that really bring joy. You have to learn to find that joy and to embrace it.

It just makes me sick to see so many people walking around, taking things for granted. If they saw what we saw last night, and considered that this could be the fate of so many of us, I'd think they would slow down long enough to quit griping about all that's wrong and appreciating all that's right. This world is screwed up, but  God's still in it, and there's plenty of blessings to enjoy.

I often lament my busy lifestyle, but I'm wise enough to see that it's the result of great blessings, and they are blessings that I am thankful for all the time.

Yes, there are plenty of problems. Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Turning on the TV or logging on the Internet can tell you that. So many people have that 20/20 vision for problems, but they don't have that kind of clarity to see what's right. And that's why there's so much depression and violence in our society. We're too fixated on what's wrong. We need to change that focus and see what's right. There are so many blessings right under our noses.

If you got up this morning and felt good enough to get out of bed and do 1 thing, you're blessed. If you had breaksfast, that's 2 blessings. Start counting your blessings there.

Maybe if we switched our focus from the bad to the good, we'd find a new perspective. Maybe we'd find solutions to some of these problems. Maybe we'd find that some things we see as problems aren't really problems at all. I would love to challenge people to trade in their griping for gratitude for just an hour.

It's something to think about. And with that, I will be off. I hope the rest of your weekend goes well.

Bye!

I wanted to let you know that there have been other things going on in life besides the book contracts. Yes, life marches on no matter what's going on. Here's an update:

The first bit of news isn't good, I fear. You know that we lost a friend at church to cancer a couple of weeks ago and in fact, it was nearly a year to the day after I lost a coworker to the same kind of cancer. Well, we found out that a third friend that's battling cancer has taken a drastic downhill turn. Her's is lung cancer and well, it's spread to her brain and they've given her 3-6 weeks. We're absolutely floored, because for a while she was actually improving and the tumors were shrinking. Or so we were told. Turns out, she wasn't being completely honest with any of us about her true condition. We believe it's because she wasn't being completely honest with herself. There's been speculation that she didn't fully comprehend the severity of her situation.

I don't even know what to say at this interlude. I've seen two people die and now it looks like a third heading down the same road. To say that I'm tired of seeing good people suffer seems to be a pretty obvious point. But one thing they've all had in common was that they have fought to the very end. So the point, it seems to me, is that every battle isn't won - but you fight nonetheless. Because if you don't fight, hope is gone and you're dead already (spiritually, anyway). But as long as you fight, there's hope whether the battle ends in victory or defeat.

That may or may not make sense but a second thing I've learned does, and that's how important it is to live. There are too many people satisfied with accepting mediocrity and bad things in their life, and if there's one thing I've seen in these three ladies, it's that this isn't how we're supposed to live. While we live, this is OUR WORLD. We need to live life to the fullest: To take advantage of every opportunity, enjoy everything we can, defeat what discourages or holds us back, and just get out there and DO STUFF.

So there you have it. My take on death and dying these days. And by the way, the reaper can quit touching people I know anytime and that will be a-ok.

Moving on ...

I think my cold is clearing up. Thank God, too, because I really didn't want to go on antibiotics. I don't like them.

The roses are doing very well, which is pretty amazing given the soaring heat around here. Then again, we water them every day.

I finally took off the purple nail polish and have replaced it with pink. I have some meetings coming up, and I figured going conventional would throw people off. But don't worry. The purple polish will be back.

Here's one you may or may not believe. Last week, the principal at the school where they found Ollie a year ago had the nerve to ask for him back. Can you believe that? And she didn't even remember his name, just said she wanted the bird back. Rick said no. While she forgot Ollie for the past year we have loved him, housed him, fed him, and otherwise spoiled him. This is his home. She's bought an iPad and a 50 inch TV. I think she can spring $20.00 for her own darn bird.

I'm finding that I understand baseball a bit better this year. But those players are so skinny. Do they feed them? Rick says they probably sweat it off playing in this terrible heat.

My parents just celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary. Congratulations! And so you'll know, my brother is 41 and I'm 35.

My mother-in-law told Rick she'd like to get to know me better. Um, we've been married 13 years. A bit late on the uptake, don't you think? And gee, look at the timing of that one too. The day after I sign a second book contract. I will let this one go without further comment.

Ok, that's all the fun happening in my corner of the galaxy. I hope you're doing well and that the new week is a good one.

Bye!