What I Need Right Now

10/20/2012

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I think what I really need is to cut my life back to basics and take stock of what I have and how to best nurture the things most important to me.

Fall is naturally the busiest time of year for me, and coiencidentally it's when people want to "get together" the most too. Football season is usually the excuse for this - "let's get together to watch the game!" And I've been a social butterfly these past couple of months and participated in all sorts of gatherings, visits and get togethers.

But folks, this butterfly needs to retreat to her cocoon. No offence, but the Carolina's bye week didn't come soon enough for me this year. I need to sit out a few. The season is going on, but my "to do" list and my schedule don't get it. There are things I need to tend to around the house and with the technology committee at church. I know I said I was going to take a hiatus from my in-progress writing projects, but I really do want to get back to them with as few distractions as possible, and that means I need to put my nose to the grindstone and get things done now. And if you want me at my best during the busy holiday season, well, I need a break.

I mean no offence, of course. I just need some time to myself every now and then to catch up, rest up, take stock, and move on. I need to recharge my batteries and right now I'm running low. I've come to the conclusion that I must be an anomoly, because this seems to be a need that not many other people have. Other than my family, only Rick and one other person has admitted to needing time to themselves. It seems others actually clamor to fill those empty spaces in their lives to the point where there's no quiet, no hiatus, no opportunities to simply "be" and exist in communion with the Lord and the world. Doing, doing, doing. Well, I admire their energy and their tireless dedication to their social schedule, but I'm not afraid I can't operate like that. My life is very full right now and all the "blessings" keep me quite busy. It can be a challenge to find those moments and days with an empty spot on the calender. And they aren't usually give, so it looks like I'm going to have to take them.

I'm burned out. I need to clear off my plate to I can be true to my priorities and focus on what really matters - not on what the world says should matter.

So I'm starting today. I'm sitting out the USC-Florida game. I know, it's a big one and how could I. It's simple, really. The need for quiet in my soul outweighs "the big game." As I said, I need some time to catch up on some stuff around the house and with church so I'll be free to resume work on Move next month when I end my writing hiatus, and what better time than by focusing on that while the rest of the world (around here) is tuned into the big game. Plus, I still have Feathered Frenzy to finish, and I already have an idea for my next writing project which is a novella I hope to start in 2013. And promotion work on my already published works never ends. So there's lots to do there and I really need to get focused and get back to work on my writing soon, and taking care of the other things on my plate will really help with that.

I know life won't always be like this. I'm quitting volunteer activities in 2013, so I won't have to make decisions based on things like this soon. That was another decision I made this week. I need fewer meetings in my life and the truth is that I need to focus my time away from work on home, family and writing and that doesn't leave time for much else. I wanted to be more involved at church, and I will certainly continue to be a greeter and help with activities as I can, but I can't be bound to a committee anymore. It just doesn't work in my busy life.

As for the rest - well, eventually I'll retire from work, so that won't always be eating up most of my weekdays, but that's far away as I'm not even at the halfway point of my career. Frankly, I do have concerns about being bored if I didn't work, but those aren't concerns I need to ponder now or any time soon. Until then, it's the immovable object in my life and I have to work around it. Those aggrivations and annoyances aren't going to stop and I have to march on and do what must be done because it's my responsibilty and financial support, now and in the future. That's a reality for most people and it's something that should be easy to understand and respect.

Yes, life is busy, and sometimes it won't give you what you need so you have to take it. That's what I'm going to to today. Because if I don't take care of myself and my needs, then I'm not much good to anybody else, now am I?

That's all today. I hope you have a great weekend.

Bye!
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The Gift of Solitude

06/29/2011

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I've noticed that time alone is something that seems to be disappearing in life. Not just my life, either, but most peoples' lives. I think this is a shame, because we all really need time and space to ourselves.

Apparantly I'm one of a very small group of people that hold this belief. You wouldn't believe how much ridicule and criticism I get for wanting some time to myself every now and then. It seems that a lot of people just don't understand how I can be content alone, even for a minute. "How can you stand it?" they ask, "to just be by yourself and not have someone around? Aren't you scared? Aren't you lonely?"

The answer to both of these questions is no, I'm not. I think that fear and lonliness are issues that have deeper roots in personality and temperament, frankly, and I've never been prone to either. But I think there's something else to blame for this loss of appreciation for alone time. It's called reality TV.

Somewhere in the past decade, people have become fascinated with watching other peoples' lives. This has never been unusual with celebrities, but now we want to know every detail of everybodys' life from the biggest mega-superstar to the cleaning woman. People willing to sacrifice their own privacy for a shot at fame have erased the boundaries of individualism.

The fact that we live in a society obsessed with maximum use of space feeds this fire. How are people supposed to understand boundaries when they work in a cubical where they overhear personal conversations all day, go home to a neighborhood where houses are literally spitting distance apart, and log on the Internet to see what their "friends" are eating for supper and watching on TV? Between the media, technology, and life itself, society is trying to pound it in our heads that it's not appropriate to put up a wall every now and then and say "Stop! No admittance! I need a time out!"

And in the end, this is feeding insecurity. Because in reality, we all need time to ourselves. Time to think, to ponder what's important to us and to take care of ourselves. Time to be our authentic selves without having a spotlight or webcam on you. We don't have to tweet every thought that runs through our head. We don't have to post a status update every time we move. And despite what the world tells you, it's really not right or appropriate to do that anyway. It leads to a habit of dysfunction, because we can't move until we know what everybody else is doing. It turns real life into a game of chess. You can't move until the other person moves first - thereby sacrificing your right to be who you are.

The world has always pressured people to conform, and there will always be  voices screaming at you to be what they want you to be. The problem is that they aren't interested in what you want. They're interested in you being what serves their interest the best. That's why it's so important to pull away from the voices every now and then to consider the direction of your own life, and to make sure the sails are set in the direction you want to go. When we let noise fill our lives, we may find our ship sailing to a shore we never meant to even visit - much less live at.

I say to heck with the world. My life isn't reality TV, an evening drama, or a movie. It's real and I will share what I please, when I please. I do enjoy social media and blogging and love that it connects me with people around the world, and that it opens up more things in terms of interest and entertainment than have ever been available before. Heck, E-publishing is making me a writer, and I think the Internet is giving people a great opportunity to share things of interest (like books, news, etc) that would otherwise be drowned out by mainstream media. But I also consider everything I blog, post, or Tweet very carefully before I hit the "submit" button because I know that everything in my life isn't interesting to all people or, in some cases, business that doesn't need to leave the confines of my personal life.

I'm a responsible adult and am under no obligation to anybody to ask permission or to advertise everything I do. And I won't. That being said, I'll end this entry and leave you to ponder what I will do with the rest of my evening. I know, but (*sigh*) I just don't feel like Tweeting that right now.

Bye!
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